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Appendix 3 - Sending I-Messages - An Exercise.
Version 2016.08.05
DIRECTIONS: Read each situation, examine the You-Message in the second column, and then write an I-Message for the third column.
When you have finished, compare your I-Messages with those hidden in the third column below.
Ctrl + A: To display the I-messages hidden in the last column below, click once inside any of the table cells below. Then hold down your keyboard key "Ctrl", and while holding that Control key click your keyboard key "A". [Ctrl + A]
| Situation | You-Message |
I-Message
To see the answers below: - 'Hover' To see a single answer: Hover your mouse cursor within one of this column's cells below. Hopefully that works to give you a pop-up little window with one of the ideal responses you might use. or...
- [Ctrl]+[A]:
|
|---|---|---|
| You want to watch the news. Your child keeps climbing on your lap; irritating you. | "You should not ever interrupt others when they are watching the news." | "I can't see the TV and play too. I really feel irritated when I can't have a little while alone to relax and watch the news." |
| You are in a hurry using the vacuum cleaner. Your child keeps unplugging the vacuum cord from the wall electrical outlet. | "You are being naughty." | "I'm in a big rush and it really makes me angry to be slowed down by replacing the plug. I don't feel like playing when I have work to get done." |
| Your child comes to the table with very dirty hands and face. | "You are not being a responsible big-person. That is what a baby might do." | "I can't enjoy my dinner when I see all that dirt. It makes me feel kind of sick and lose my appetite." |
| Your child keeps postponing going to bed. You and your spouse need to discuss a private problem concerning them. Your child keeps hanging around; preventing you from talking. | "You know it is past your bedtime. You are just trying to annoy us. You need your sleep." | "Mother and I have something very important to discuss. We can't talk about it when you're here and we don't like waiting until you finally go to bed." |
| Your children keep pleading to be taken to a movie, but they have not cleaned up their rooms for several days as they had agreed to do. | "You do not deserve to go to the movies when you have been so inconsiderate and selfish." | "I don't feel very much like doing something for you when you don't stick to your agreement about cleaning your room." |
| Your child has been sulking and acting sad all day. You do not know the reason. | "Come on now. Stop this sulking. Either brighten up or you will have to go outside." | "I'm sorry to see you be so unhappy but I don't know how to help because I don't know why you're feeling so blue." |
| Your child is playing the stereo so loud that it is interfering with your conversation in the next room. | "Can you not be more considerate of others? Why do you play that so loud?" | "I feel kind of cheated. I want to spend some time with your father and the noise is driving us mad." |
| Your child has been dawdling all day, but had promised to clean the bathroom that will be used for a dinner party in an hour, and the child has not started the job yet. | "You have dawdled all day and fallen down on the job. How can you be so thoughtless and irresponsible?" | "I really feel let down. I've worked all day to get ready for our party and now I still have to worry about the dirty bathroom." |
| You are in a hurry and your children show up late; having forgotten about their agreed upon time-- so that you could take them clothes shopping | "You should be ashamed. After all, I agreed to take you, and then you are careless about the time. | "I don't like it when I carefully plan my day so we can shop for your new clothes and then you don't show up." |