P.E.T.

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Front Cover

The 30th Anniversary Edition of the Bestselling
Parenting Classic "Revised and Updated".

OVER 4 MILLION COPIES SOLD

Parent Effectiveness Training
THE PROVEN PROGRAM FOR RAISING RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN
Dr. Thomas Gordon
Nobel Peace Prize Nominee

Back Cover

$15.00 / FAMILY-PARENTING
(CANADA: $23.00)

The Pioneering Book That's Guided Millions of Parents

P.E.T., or Parent Effectiveness Training, began almost forty years ago as the first national parent-training program to teach parents how to communicate more effectively with kids and offer step-by-step advice to resolving family conflicts so everybody wins. This beloved classic is the most studied, highly praised, and proven parenting program in the world-- and it will work for you. Now revised for the first time since its initial publication, this ground-breaking guide will show you:

• How to avoid being a permissive parent
• How to listen so kids will talk to you, and talk so kids will listen to you
• How to teach your children to "own" their problems and to solve them
• How to use the "No-Lose" method to resolve conflicts

Using the timeless methods of P.E.T. will have immediate results: less fighting, fewer tantrums and lies, no need for punishment. Whether you have a toddler striking out for independence or a teenager who has already started rebelling, you'll find P.E.T. a compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing family environment in which your child will thrive.

DR. THOMAS GORDON, a licensed psychologist, was the recipient of the 1999 American Psychological Foundation's Gold Medal Award for Enduring Contribution to Psychology, the 2000 Lifetime Achievement Award from the California State Psychological Association, and the first recipient of the Career Achievement Award from the National Parenting Instructors Association. He has been a consultant to the White House Conference on Children and the White House Fellows. Dr. Gordon is the author of eight books, including Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.) and Teacher Effectiveness Training (T.E.T.). He works in Solana Beach, California, and has two grown daughters and two grandchildren.

For More information please visit the Gordon Training International Web site at www.gordontraining.com

Also available as a Random House AudioBook.

Cover photographs: TELEGRAPH COLOR LIBRARY/FPG

INTERNATIONAL, STEPHEN SiMPSON/FPG INTERNATIONAL

THREE RIVERS PRESS
New York
www.randomhouse.com 9 780609 806937--51500

ISBN 0-609-80693-9
FAMILY-PARENTING

Parent Effectiveness Training
THE PROVEN PROGRAM FOR RAISING RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN
Dr. Thomas Gordon
THREE RIVERS PRESS ' NEW/ YORK


The P.E.T. course is now offered on video.
This self-study program is
called Family Effectiveness Training (F.E.T.).

Copyright Page

AUTHOR'S NOTE: To make the book more gender neutral and to avoid the awkward "he or she" construction, I have alternated "he" and "she" throughout these chapters when I refer to both parents and children.

Copyright © 1970, 1975, 2000 by Thomas Gordon

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Three Rivers Press, New York, New York. Member of the Crown Publishing Group.

Random House, Inc. New York, Toronto, London, Sydney, Auckland www.randomhouse.com

THREE RIVERS PRESS is a registered trademark and the Three Rivers Press colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Originally published by David McKay Company, a division of Random House, Inc., in 1970 and by New American Library, Inc. in 1975.

Printed in the United States of America Design by Meryl Sussman Levavi/Digitext

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Gordon, Thomas, 1918

Parent effectiveness training: the proven program for raising responsible children / by Thomas Gordon.-1st rev. pbk. ed. i. Parent and child. s. Child rearing. I. Title.

HQ769.G69 2000 649'.1-dc21

00-036366
ISBN 0-60q-80693-9
10 9 8 7 6

Acknowledgments

I want to thank my first daughter, Judy Gordon Verret. It was she who gave me the opportunity to test and validate the effectiveness of the Parent Effectiveness Training skills in my own family. Later, as a young adult, she interviewed scores of parents who had taken the P.E.T. course. Her reports provided me with many examples of the effectiveness of the P.E.T. skills in families. It is also because of Judy that today I can enjoy being a grandfather to her two wonderful, loving P.E.T. kids.

I want to thank my second daughter, Michelle Adams, for assuming much of the responsibility for updating this thirtieth anniversary edition of the original Parent Effectiveness Training book. She, too, was a P.E.T. child who validated the positive communication and conflict-resolution skills of P.E.T. Like Judy, Michelle was never punished. Often her friends would ask her what it was like in our family, and she would respond, "Our family has no boss. We make the rules together." It is very fulfilling as a parent to see how many close and enduring friendships she has.

I also want to acknowledge my wife, Linda. Although she came from a family that used punishment frequently, Linda adopted the non-power parenting of P.E.T., and she is an excellent listener. She is loved by Michelle and me, as well as her many friends.

Linda has written two books, one that shows women how to take responsibility for their own lives and another entitled Be Your Best, which applies the P.E.T. model to all relationships.

I want to express my deep appreciation to all the P.E.T. instructors, both in the United States and around the world, who have dedicated themselves to helping parents learn these peaceful, democratic, and non-punitive ways of raising their children.

Finally, I want to express my thanks to Elizabeth Rapoport, my editor at Crown Publishers, both for letting me know the importance of P.E.T. in her own family and for suggesting that it was time for an updated edition of this book.