The Complete Stories
by Franz Kafka
Back Cover:
"An important
book, valuable in itself and absolutely fascinating. . . The stories are
dreamlike, allegorical, symbolic, parabolic, grotesque, ritualistic, nasty,
lucent, extremely personal, ghoulishly detached, exquisitely comic. . .
numinous and prophetic." -- New York Times
"The Complete
Stories is an encyclopedia of our insecurities and our brave attempts to oppose
them." -- Anatole Broyard
Franz Kafka wrote continuously and
furiously throughout his short and intensely lived life, but only allowed a
fraction of his work to be published during his lifetime. Shortly before his
death at the age of forty, he instructed Max Brod, his friend and literary
executor, to burn all his remaining works of fiction. Fortunately, Brod
disobeyed.
The Complete Stories brings together
all of Kafka's stories, from the classic tales such as "The
Metamorphosis," "In the Penal Colony" and "The Hunger
Artist" to less-known, shorter pieces and fragments Brod released after
Kafka's death; with the exception of his three novels, the whole of Kafka's
narrative work is included in this volume. The remarkable depth and breadth of
his brilliant and probing imagination become even more evident when these
stories are seen as a whole.
This edition also features a
fascinating introduction by John Updike, a chronology of Kafka's life, and a
selected bibliography of critical writings about Kafka.
Copyright © 1971 by Schocken Books Inc.
All rights reserved under International and
Pan-American Copyright Conventions.
Published in the United States by Schocken
Books Inc., New York.
Distributed by Pantheon Books, a division
of Random House, Inc., New York.
The foreword by John Updike was originally
published in The New Yorker.
Foreword copyright © 1983 by John Updike.
Collection first published in 1971 by
Schocken Books Inc.
Library of Congress
Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kafka, Franz, 1883-1924.
The complete stories.
(Kafka Library)
Bibliography: p.
1. Kafka, Franz, 1885-1924 -- Translations,
English.
I. Glatzer, Nahum Norbet, 1903- . I. Title.
ü. Series.
PT2621.A26A2 1988
833'.912 88-18418
ISBN 0-8052-0873-9
Manufactured in the United States of
America
3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Contents
Foreword by John Updike
Two
Introductory Parables
Before the Law*
An Imperial Message*
The Longer Stories
Description of a Struggle
Wedding Preparations in the
Country
The Judgment*
The Metamorphosis*
In the Penal Colony*
The Village Schoolmaster [The
Giant Mole]
Blumfeld, an Elderly Bachelor
The Warden of the Tomb
A Country Doctor*
The Hunter Gracchus
The Hunter Gracchus: A
Fragment
The Great Wall of China
The News of the Building of the
Wall: A Fragment
A Report to an Academy*
A Report to an Academy: Two
Fragments
The Refusal
A Hunger Artist*
Investigations of a Dog
A Little Woman*
The Burrow
Josephine the Singer, or the
Mouse Folk*
The
Shorter Stories
Children on a Country Road*
The Trees*
Clothes*
Excursion into the Mountains*
Rejection*
The Street Window*
The Tradesman*
Absent-minded Window-gazing*
The Way Home*
Passers-by*
On the Tram*
Reflections for
Gentlemen-Jockeys*
The Wish to Be a Red Indian*
Unhappiness*
Bachelor's Ill Luck*
Unmasking a Confidence
Trickster*
Sudden Walk*
Resolutions*
Dream*
Up in the Gallery*
A Fratricide*
The Next Village*
A Visit to a Mine*
Jackals and Arabs*
The Bridge
The Bucket Rider
The New Advocate*
An Old Manuscript*
The Knock at the Manor Gate
Eleven Sons*
My Neighbor
A Crossbreed [A Sport]
The Cares of a Family Man*
A Common Confusion
The Truth About Sancho Panza
The Silence of the Sirens
Prometheus
The City Coat of Arms
Poseidon
Fellowship
At Night
The Problem of Our Laws
The Conscription of Troops
The Test
The Vulture
The Helmsman
The Top
A Little Fable
Home-Coming
First Sorrow*
The Departure
Advocates
The Married Couple
Give it Up!
On Parables
Postscript
Bibliography
Editors and Translators
On the Material Included in this Volume
Chronology
Selected Writings on Kafka
* Published during
Kafka's lifetime.
FOREWORD
By John Updike
All that he does
seems to him, it is true, extraordinarily new, but also, because of the
incredible spate of new things, extraordinarily amateurish, indeed scarcely
tolerable, incapable of becoming history, breaking short the chain of the
generations, cutting off for the first time at its most profound source the
music of the world, which before him could at least be divined. Sometimes in
his arrogance he has more anxiety for the world than for himself.
-- Kafka, "He" (Aphorisms)
The
century since Franz Kafka was born has been marked by the idea of
"modernism" -- a self-consciousness new among centuries, a
consciousness of being new. Sixty years after his death, Kafka epitomizes one
aspect of this modern mind-set: a sensation of anxiety and shame whose center
cannot be located and therefore cannot be placated; a sense of an infinite
difficulty within things, impeding every step; a sensitivity acute beyond
usefulness, as if the nervous system, flayed of its old hide of social usage
and religious belief, must record every touch as pain. In Kafka's peculiar and
highly original case this dreadful quality is mixed with immense tenderness,
oddly good humor, and a certain severe and reassuring formality. The
combination makes him an artist; but rarely can an artist have struggled
against greater inner resistance and more sincere diffidence as to the worth of
his art.
This volume holds all of the fiction
that Kafka committed to publication during his lifetime:* a slender sheaf of
mostly very short stories, the longest of them, "The Metamorphosis,"
a mere fifty pages long, and only a handful of the others as much as five
thousand words. He published six slim volumes, four of them single stories,
from 1913 to 1919, and was working on the proofs of a seventh in the sanatorium
where he died on June 3rd, 1924, of tuberculosis, exactly one month short of
his forty-first birthday. Among his papers after his death were found several
notes addressed to his closest friend, Max Brod. One of them stated:
Of all my
writings the only books that can stand are these: The Judgment, The Stoker,
Metamorphosis, Penal Colony, Country Doctor and the short story: Hunger-Artist.
. . When I say that those five books and the short story can stand, I do
not mean that I wish them to be reprinted and handed down to posterity. On the
contrary, should they disappear altogether that would please me best. Only,
since they do exist, I do not wish to hinder anyone who may want to, from
keeping them.
*
The single exception is "The Stoker," published as Der Heizer, Ein
Fragment in 1913 but now incorporated, in German and in English, as the
first chapter of Kafka's unfinished novel Amerika.
The little canon that Kafka
reluctantly granted posterity would, indeed, stand; "The
Metamorphosis" alone would assure him a place in world literature, though
undoubtedly a less prominent place than he enjoys thanks to the mass of his
posthumously published novels, tales, parables, aphorisms, and letters. The
letter quoted above went on to direct Brod to burn all of Kafka's manuscripts,
"without exception and preferably unread." Another note, written
later, reiterated the command even more emphatically; and Dora Dymant, the
young woman with whom Kafka shared the last year of his life, obediently did
destroy those portions of the Kafka hoard within her keeping. But Brod
disobeyed. Predictably: while Kafka was alive Brod had often elicited
manuscripts from his excessively scrupulous friend and was instrumental in the
publication of some few of them. In Brod's words: "he knew with what
fanatical veneration I listened to his every word. . . during the whole
twenty-two years of our unclouded friendship, I never once threw away the
smallest scrap of paper that came from him, no, not even a post card." In
a conversation of 1921 he warned Kafka he would burn nothing. And so with good
conscience the reverent executor issued to the world The Trial and The
Castle -- both novels unfinished and somewhat problematical in their texts
but nevertheless magnificently realized -- and a host of lesser but still
priceless fragments, painstakingly deciphered and edited. Kafka and Shakespeare
have this in common: their reputations rest principally on texts they never
approved or proofread.
This volume, then, holds as well
many stories in various states of incompletion. Some, like "The Village
Schoolmaster" and "Blumfeld, an Elderly Bachelor," seem fatally
truncated, their full intentions and final design destined to remain
mysterious. In some others, notably "Investigations of a Dog," the
author seems to have played out his inspiration without rounding out the story;
Kafka's need to explore this conceit of philosophical speculation in a canine
world where human beings are somehow unseen ("a sort of canine
atheism" one commentator has called the phenomenon) has been happily
exhausted before an end is reached. The failure is purely mechanical and we do
not feel cheated, since the story's burden of private meaning has been unloaded
-- there are scarcely any pages in Kafka more sweetly and winningly autobiographical
than these. In still other of these uncompleted stories, such as "The
Great Wall of China" and "The Burrow," the end is even nearer,
and we do not wish for any more. According to Dora Dymant, "The
Burrow" had been concluded, in a version she destroyed, with a "scene
describing the hero taking up a tense fighting position in expectation of the
beast, and the decisive struggle in which the hero succumbs"; though there
is poignance in this -- "the beast" was Kafka's nickname for his
disease, to which he was to succumb within a few months -- we are glad to leave
the burrowing hero, fussily timorous and blithely carnivorous, where he is,
apprehensively poised amid menaces more cosmic and comic than anything his
claws could grapple with. "The Burrow" and "The Great Wall of
China" belong at the summit of Kafka's oeuvre; their fantastic images are
developed with supreme elegance and resonance. The German titles of both
contain the word "Bau." Kafka was obsessed with building, with
work that is never done, that can never be done, that must always fall short of
perfection. His manuscripts show Kafka to have been a fervent worker,
"scribbling" (as he called his writing) with a stately steadiness
across the page, revising rather little, but ceasing when authenticity no
longer seemed to be present, often laying down parallel or even contradictory
tracks in search of his prey, and content to leave his works in an
"open" state like that of his Great Wall -- their segments
uncertainly linked, strange gaps left, the ultimate objective shied from as if
too blindingly grand. Not to write for money or the coarser forms of glory is
common enough among modern avant-gardists; but to abjure aesthetic
"finish" itself carries asceticism a step farther, into a realm of protest
where such disparate modernists as Eliot and Pound (in the intrinsically
fragmentary nature of their poetry) and Rilke and Salinger (in their capacities
for silence) keep Kafka company. Incompletion is a quality of his work, a facet
of its nobility. His briefest paragraphs and riddles sufficiently possess the
adamancy of art.
Hearing Kafka read aloud from his
youthful works "Description of a Struggle" and "Wedding
Preparations in the Country" instantly convinced Max Brod that his friend
was a genius: "I got the impression immediately that here was no ordinary
talent speaking, but a genius." You who are picking up this volume in
innocence of the author, however, might do well to skip these first two titles
and return to them when initiated. Repeated readings of these grouped fragments
have left them, for me, not merely opaque but repellent.
"Description" was composed no later than 1904-5, when Kafka was in
his early twenties. It is full of contortions both psychological ("I had
to restrain myself from putting my arm around his shoulders and kissing him on
the eyes as a reward for having absolutely no use for me") and physical
("this thought. . . tormented me so much that while walking I bent my back
until my hands reached my knees"; "I screwed up my mouth. . . and
supported myself by standing on my right leg while resting the left one on its
toes"). There is something of adolescent posturing here, or of those rigid
bodily states attendent upon epilepsy and demonic possession. The conversation
seems hectic, and the hero and his companions pass a mysterious leg injury back
and forth like the ancient Graeae sharing one eye. Self-loathing and
self-distrust lurk within all this somatic unease; the "supplicant"
prays in church at the top of his voice "in order to be looked at and
acquire a body." A certain erotic undercurrent is present also, and in
"Wedding Preparations" the hero, Eduard Raban, is proceeding toward
his wedding in the country. This narrative at least boasts a discernible
direction; but we strongly feel that Raban, for all his dutiful determination,
will never get there. The typical Kafkaesque process of non-arrival is
underway. And in truth Kafka, though heterosexual, charming, and several times
engaged, and furthermore professing that "Marrying, founding a family,
accepting all the children that come [is] the utmost a human being can succeed
in doing at all," never did manage to get married.
The charm that these disquieting,
abortive early pieces exerted upon Brod and other auditors (for Kafka used to
read his work aloud to friends, sometimes laughing so hard he could not
continue reading) must have largely derived from the quality of their German
prose. These lucid and fluent translations by the Muirs and the Sterns can
capture only a shadow of what seems to have been a stirring purity.
"Writing is a form of prayer," Kafka wrote in his diary. Thomas Mann
paid tribute to Kafka's "conscientious, curiously explicit, objective,
clear, and correct style, [with] its precise, almost official conservatism."
Brod likened it to J. P. Hebel's and Kleist's, and claimed that "its
unique charm is heightened by the presence of Prague and generally speaking
Austrian elements in the run of the sentence." The Jews of Prague
generally spoke German, and thus was added to their racial and religious
minority-status a certain linguistic isolation as well, for Czech was the
language of the countryside and of Bohemian nationalism. It is interesting that
of the last two women in Kafka's life -- two who abetted the "reaching out"
of his later, happier years -- Milena Jesenská-Pollak was his Czech translator
and helped teach him Czech, and Dora Dymant confirmed him in his exploratory
Judaism including the study of Hebrew. He wrote to Brod of the problems of
German: "Only the dialects are really alive, and except for them, only the
most individual High German, while all the rest, the linguistic middle ground,
is nothing but embers which can only be brought to a semblance of life when
excessively lively Jewish hands rummage through them." Though fascinated
by the liveliness of Yiddish theatre, he opted for what Philip Rahv has called
an "ironically conservative" style; what else, indeed, could hold
together such leaps of symbolism, such a trembling abundance of feeling and
dread?
Kafka dated his own maturity as a
writer from the long night of September 22nd-23rd, 1912, in which he wrote
"The Judgment" at a single eight-hour sitting. He confided to his
diary that morning, "Only in this way can writing be done, only
with such coherence, with such a complete opening out of the body and the
soul." Yet the story is not quite free of the undeclared neurotic elements
that twist the earlier work; the connection between the engagement and the
father seems obscure, and the old man's fury illogical. But in staring at, with
his hero Georg, "the bogey conjured up by his father," Kafka broke
through to a great cavern of stored emotion. He loved this story, and among
friends praised -- he who deprecated almost everything from his own pen -- its Zweifellosigkeit,
its "indubitableness." Soon after its composition, he wrote, in a
few weeks, "The Metamorphosis," an indubitable masterpiece. It begins
with a fantastic premise, whereas in "The Judgment" events become
fantastic. This premise -- the gigantic insect -- established in the first
sentence, "The Metamorphosis" unfolds with a beautiful naturalness
and a classic economy. It takes place in three acts: three times the
metamorphosed Gregor Samsa ventures out of his room, with tumultuous results.
The members of his family -- rather simpler than Kafka's own, which had three
sisters -- dispose themselves around the central horror with a touching, as
well as an amusing, plausibility. The father's fury, roused in defense of the
fragile mother, stems directly from the action and inflicts a psychic wound
gruesomely objectified in the rotting apple Gregor carries in his back; the
evolutions of the sister, Crete, from shock to distasteful ministration to a
certain sulky possessiveness and finally to exasperated indifference are
beautifully sketched, with not a stroke too much. The terrible but terribly
human tale ends with Crete's own metamorphosis, into a comely young woman. This
great story resembles a great story of the nineteenth century, Tolstoy's
"The Death of Ivan Ilyich"; in both, a hitherto normal man lies
hideously, suddenly stricken in the midst of a family whose irritated, banal
daily existence flows around him. The abyss within life is revealed, but also
life itself.
What kind of insect is Gregor? Popular
belief has him a cockroach, which would be appropriate for a city apartment;
and the creature's retiring nature and sleazy dietary preferences would seem to
conform. But, as Vladimir Nabokov, who knew his entomology, pointed out in his
lectures upon "The Metamorphosis" at Cornell University, Gregor is
too broad and convex to be a cockroach. The charwoman calls him a "dung
beetle" (Mistkäfer) but, Nabokov said, "it is obvious that the
good woman is adding the epithet only to be friendly." Kafka's Eduard
Raban of "Wedding Preparations" daydreams, walking along, "As I
lie in bed I assume the shape of a big beetle, a stag beetle or a cockchafer, I
think." Gregor Samsa, awaking, sees "numerous legs, which were
pitifully thin compared to the rest of his bulk." If "numerous"
is more than six, he must be a centipede -- not an insect at all. From evidence
in the story he is brown in color and about as long as the distance between a
doorknob and the floor; he is broader than half a door. He has a voice at
first, "but with a persistent horrible twittering squeak behind it like an
undertone," which disappears as the story progresses. His jaws don't work
as ours do but he has eyelids, nostrils, and a neck. He is, in short,
impossible to picture except when the author wants to evoke his appearance, to
bump the reader up against some astounding, poignant new aspect of Gregor's
embodiment. The strange physical discomfort noted in the earlier work is here
given its perfect allegorical envelope. A wonderful moment comes when Gregor,
having been painfully striving to achieve human postures, drops to his feet:
Hardly was he
down when he experienced for the first time this morning a sense of physical
comfort; his legs had firm ground under them; they were completely obedient, as
he noted with joy; they even strove to carry him forward in whatever direction
he chose; and he was inclined to believe that a final relief from all his
sufferings was at hand.
When "The Metamorphosis"
was to be published as a book in 1915, Kafka, fearful that the cover
illustrator "might want to draw the insect itself," wrote the
publisher, "Not that, please not that!. . . The insect itself cannot be
depicted. It cannot even be shown from a distance." He suggested instead a
scene of the family in the apartment with a locked door, or a door open and
giving on darkness. Any theatrical or cinematic version of the story must
founder on this point of external representation: a concrete image of the
insect would be too distracting and shut off sympathy; such a version would
lack the very heart of comedy and pathos which beats in the unsteady area
between objective and subjective, where Gregor's insect and human selves
swayingly struggle. Still half-asleep, he notes his extraordinary condition yet
persists in remembering and trying to fulfill his duties as a travelling
salesman and the mainstay of this household. Later, relegated by the family to
the shadows of a room turned storage closet, he responds to violin music and
creeps forward, covered with dust and trailing remnants of food, to claim his
sister's love. Such scenes could not be done except with words. In this age
that lives and dies by the visual, "The Metamorphosis" stands as a
narrative absolutely literary, able to exist only where language and the mind's
hazy wealth of imagery intersect.
"The Metamorphosis" stands
also as a gateway to the world Kafka created after it. His themes and manner
were now all in place. His mastery of official pomposity -- the dialect of
documents and men talking business -- shows itself here for the first time, in
the speeches of the chief clerk. Music will again be felt, by mice and dogs, as
an overwhelming emanation in Kafka's later fables -- a theme whose other side
is the extreme sensitivity to noise, and the longing for unblemished silence,
that Kafka shared with his hero in "The Burrow." Gregor's death
scene, and Kafka's death wish, return in "A Hunger Artist" -- the
saddest, I think, of Kafka's stories, written by a dying man who was
increasingly less sanguine (his correspondence reveals) about dying. The
sweeping nature of the hunger artist's abstention is made plain by the opposing
symbol of the panther who replaces him in his cage: "the joy of life
streamed with such ardent passion from his throat that for the onlookers it was
not easy to stand the shock of it." In 1920 Milena Jesenska wrote to Brod:
"Frank cannot live. Frank does not have the capacity for living. . . He is
absolutely incapable of living, just as he is incapable of getting drunk. He
possesses not the slightest refuge. For that reason he is exposed to all those
things against which we are protected. He is like a naked man among a multitude
who are dressed." After Gregor Samsa's incarnation, Kafka showed a
fondness for naked heroes -- animals who have complicated and even pedantic
confessions to make but who also are distinguished by some keenly observed
bestial traits -- the ape of "A Report to an Academy" befouls himself
and his fur jumps with fleas; the dog of "Investigations" recalls his
young days when, very puppylike, "I believed that great things were going
on around me of which I was the leader and to which I must lend my voice, things
which must be wretchedly thrown aside if I did not run for them and wag my tail
for them"; the mouse folk of "Josephine the Singer" pipe and
multiply and are pervaded by an "unexpended, ineradicable
childishness"; and the untaxonomic inhabitant of "The Burrow"
represents the animal in all of us, his cheerful consumption of "small
fry" existentially yoked to a terror of being consumed himself. An uncanny
empathy broods above these zoomorphs, and invests them with more of their
creator's soul than all but a few human characters receive. So a child, cowed
and bored by the world of human adults, makes companions of pets and toy
animals.
Kafka, in the long "Letter to
His Father," which he poured out in November 1919 but that his mother
prudently declined to deliver, left a vivid picture of himself as a child,
"a little skeleton," undressing with his father in a bathing hut.
"There was I, skinny, weakly, slight; you strong, tall, broad. Even inside
the hut I felt a miserable specimen, and what's more, not only in your eyes but
in the eyes of the whole world, for you were for me the measure of all
things." Hermann Kafka -- "the huge man, my father, the ultimate
authority" -- was a butcher's son from a village in southern Bohemia; he
came to Prague and founded a successful business, a clothing warehouse selling
wholesale to retailers in country towns. He was physically big, as were all the
Kafkas (Franz himself grew to be nearly six feet*), and a photograph of 1910
shows more than a touch of arrogance on his heavy features. No doubt he was
sometimes brusque with his sensitive only son, and indifferent to the boy's
literary aspirations. But Hermann Kafka cannot be blamed for having become in
his son's mind and art a myth, a core of overwhelming vitality and of unappeasable
authority in relation to which one is hopelessly and forever in the wrong. It
is Franz Kafka's extrapolations from his experience of paternal authority and
naysaying, above all in his novels The Trial and The Castle, that
define the word "Kafkaesque." Like "Orwellian," the
adjective describes not the author but an atmosphere within a portion of his
work. Kafka's reputation has been immeasurably enhanced by his seeming
prophecy, in works so private and eccentric, of the atrocious regimes of Hitler
and Stalin, with their mad assignments of guilt and farcical trials and
institutionalized paranoia. But the seeds of such vast evil were present in the
world of the Emperor Franz Josef, and Kafka was, we should not forget, a man of
the world, for all his debilities. He attended the harsh German schools of
Prague; he earned the degree of Doctor of Law; he had experience of
merchandising through his father's business. He worked thirteen years for the
Workers' Accident Insurance Institute
for the Kingdom of Bohemia -- his speciality was factory safety, and his
reports were admired, trusted, and published in professional journals. He
retired as Senior Secretary, and a medal of honor "commemorating his
contribution to the establishment and management of hospitals and rest homes
for mentally ill veterans" was on its way to him as the Hapsburg Empire
collapsed in 1918. Out of his experience of paternal tyranny and decadent
bureaucracy he projected nightmares that proved prophetic. A youthful disciple.
Gustav Janouch, who composed the hagiographic Conversations with Kafka, once
raised with him the possibility that his work was "a mirror of
tomorrow." Kafka reportedly covered his eyes with his hands and rocked
back and forth, saying, "You are right. You are certainly right. Probably
that's why I can't finish anything. I am afraid of the truth. . . One must be
silent, if one can't give any help. . . For that reason, all my scribbling is
to be destroyed."
*
His application for employment at the Assicurazioni Generali gives his height
as 1.81 meters, or over five foot eleven.
Janouch also says that Kafka, as
they were passing the Old Synagogue in Prague (the very synagogue Hitler
intended to preserve as a mocking memorial to a vanished people), announced
that men "will try to grind the synagogue to dust by destroying the Jews
themselves." His ancestors had worn the yellow patch, been forbidden to
own land or practice medicine, and suffered onerous residence restrictions
under the emperors. Kafka lived and died in a relatively golden interim for
European Jewry; but all three of his sisters were to perish in the
concentration camps. The Kafka household had been perfunctorily observant;
Hermann Kafka had been proud of the degree of assimilation he had achieved, and
the Judaism he had brought from his village was, his son accused him, too
little; "it all dribbled away while you were passing it on." Kafka's
mother, Julie Lowy, came from an orthodox family and remembered her grandfather
as "a very pious and learned man, with a long white beard." As if to
assert himself against his father, Franz took a decided interest in Jewishness;
his diary of 1911 records:
Today, eagerly
and happily began to read the History of the Jews by Graetz. Because my
desire for it had far outrun the reading, it was at first stranger than I had
thought, and I had to stop here and there in order by resting to allow my
Jewishness to collect itself.
He taught himself considerable
Hebrew and, with Dora Dymant, dreamed of moving to Israel. Yet churches loom
larger than synagogues in Kafka's landscapes, and he also read Kierkegaard. His
diary of 1913 notes:
Today I got
Kierkegaard's Buch des Richters [Book of the Judge, a selection from his
diaries]. As I suspected, his case, despite essential differences, is very
similar to mine. At least he is on the same side of the world. He bears me out
like a friend.
Kierkegaard's lacerating absolutism
of faith would seem to lie behind the torture machine of "In the Penal
Colony" and the cruel estrangements of The Trial, and to have
offered Kafka a certain purchase on his spiritual pain. But in 1917 he wrote
Oskar Baum, a fellow writer in Prague, "Kierkegaard is a star, although he
shines over territory that is almost inaccessible to me." Kafka came to
resign himself to inaccessibility; of his theology it might be said in sum that
though he did not find God, he did not blame Him. The authority masked by
phenomena remained unindicted. In his shorter tales an affinity may be felt
with the parables of Hasidism, that pietist movement within Judaism which
emphasized, over against the law of orthodoxy, mystic joy and divine immanence.
Certain of the parables share Kafka's relish in the enigmatic:
A man who was
afflicted with a terrible disease complained to Rabbi Israel that his suffering
interfered with his learning and praying. The rabbi put his hand on his
shoulder and said: "How do you know, friend, what is more pleasing to God,
your studying or your suffering?"
[Martin
Buber, Tales of the Hasidim, Vol. ü]
But there is little in the Hasidic
literature of Kafka's varied texture, his brightly colored foreign settings and
the theatrical comedy that adorns the grimmest circumstances -- the comedy, for
instance, of the prisoner and his guard in the penal colony, or of the three
bearded boarders in "The Metamorphosis." The Samsas, one should
notice, are Christian, crossing themselves in moments of crisis and pinning
their year to Christmas; Kafka, however unmistakable the ethnic source of his
"liveliness" and alienation, avoided Jewish parochialism, and his
allegories of pained awareness take upon themselves the entire European -- that
is to say, predominantly Christian -- malaise.
It is the shorter stories, too, that
sparkle most with country glimpses, with a savor of folk tale and a
still-medieval innocence. They remind us that Kafka wrote in a Europe where
islands of urban, wealth, culture, and discontent were surrounded by a
countryside still, in its simplicity, apparently in possession of the secret of
happiness, of harmony with the powers of earth and sky. Modernity has proceeded
far enough, and spread wide enough, to make us doubt that anyone really has
this secret. Part of Kafka's strangeness, and part of his enduring appeal, was
to suspect that everyone except himself had the secret. He received from his
father an impression of helpless singularity, of being a "slave living
under laws invented only for him." A shame literally unspeakable attached
itself to this impression. Fantasy, for Kafka even more than for most writers
of fiction, was the way out of his skin, so he could get back in. He felt, as
it were, abashed before the fact of his own existence, "amateurish"
in that this had never been quite expressed before. So singular, he spoke for
millions in their new unease; a century after his birth he seems the last holy
writer, and the supreme fabulist of modern man's cosmic predicament.
Beverly, Massachusetts
1983
TWO
INTRODUCTORY PARABLES
Before
the Law
Before
the law stands a doorkeeper. To this doorkeeper there comes a man from
the country and prays for admittance to the Law. But the doorkeeper says that
he cannot grant admittance at the moment. The man thinks it over and then asks
if he will be allowed in later. "It is possible," says the doorkeeper,
"but not at the moment." Since the gate stands open, as usual, and
the doorkeeper steps to one side, the man stoops to peer through the gateway
into the interior. Observing that, the doorkeeper laughs and says: "If you
are so drawn to it, just try to go in despite my veto. But take note: I am
powerful. And I am only the least of the doorkeepers. From hall to hall there
is one doorkeeper after another, each more powerful than the last. The third
doorkeeper is already so terrible that even I cannot bear to look at him."
These are difficulties the man from the country has not expected; the Law, he
thinks, should surely be accessible at all times and to everyone, but as he now
takes a closer look at the doorkeeper in his fur coat, with his big sharp nose
and long, thin, black Tartar beard, he decides that it is better to wait until
he gets permission to enter. The doorkeeper gives him a stool and lets him sit
down at one side of the door. There he sits for days and years. He makes many
attempts to be admitted, and wearies the doorkeeper by his importunity. The
doorkeeper frequently has little interviews with him, asking him questions
about his home and many other things, but the questions are put indifferently,
as great lords put them, and always finish with the statement that he cannot be
let in yet. The man, who has furnished himself with many things for his
journey, sacrifices all he has, however valuable, to bribe the doorkeeper. The
doorkeeper accepts everything, but always with the remark: "I am only taking
it to keep you from thinking you have omitted anything." During these many
years the man fixes his attention almost continuously on the doorkeeper. He
forgets the other doorkeepers, and this first one seems to him the sole
obstacle preventing access to the Law. He curses his bad luck, in his early
years boldly and loudly; later, as he grows old, he only grumbles to himself.
He becomes childish, and since in his yearlong contemplation of the doorkeeper
he has come to know even the fleas in his fur collar, he begs the fleas as well
to help him and to change the doorkeeper's mind. At length his eyesight begins
to fail, and he does not know whether the world is really darker or whether his
eyes are only deceiving him. Yet in his darkness he is now aware of a radiance
that streams inextinguishably from the gateway of the Law. Now he has not very
long to live. Before he dies, all his experiences in these long years gather
themselves in his head to one point, a question he has not yet asked the
doorkeeper. He waves him nearer, since he can no longer raise his stiffening
body. The doorkeeper has to bend low toward him, for the difference in height
between them has altered much to the man's disadvantage. "What do you want
to know now?" asks the doorkeeper; "you are insatiable."
"Everyone strives to reach the Law," says the man, "so how does
it happen that for all these many years no one but myself has ever begged for
admittance?" The doorkeeper recognizes that the man has reached his end,
and, to let his failing senses catch the words, roars in his ear: "No one
else could ever be admitted here, since this gate was made only for you. I am
now going to shut it."
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
An
Imperial Message
The
emperor, so a parable runs, has sent a message to you, the humble
subject, the insignificant shadow cowering in the remotest distance before the
imperial sun; the Emperor from his deathbed has sent a message to you alone. He
has commanded the messenger to kneel down by the bed, and has whispered the
message to him; so much store did he lay on it that he ordered the messenger to
whisper it back into his ear again. Then by a nod of the head he has confirmed
that it is right. Yes, before the assembled spectators of his death -- all the
obstructing walls have been broken down, and on the spacious and loftily
mounting open staircases stand in a ring the great princes of the Empire --
before all these he has delivered his message. The messenger immediately sets
out on his journey; a powerful, an indefatigable man; now pushing with his
right arm, now with his left, he cleaves a way for himself through the throng;
if he encounters resistance he points to his breast, where the symbol of the
sun glitters; the way is made easier for him than it would be for any other
man. But the multitudes are so vast; their numbers have no end. If he could
reach the open fields how fast he would fly, and soon doubtless you would hear
the welcome hammering of his fists on your door. But instead how vainly does he
wear out his strength; still he is only making his way through the chambers of
the innermost palace; never will he get to the end of them; and if he succeeded
in that nothing would be gained; he must next fight his way down the stair; and
if he succeeded in that nothing would be gained; the courts would still have to
be crossed; and after the courts the second outer palace; and once more stairs
and courts; and once more another palace; and so on for thousands of years; and
if at last he should burst through the outermost gate -- but never, never can
that happen -- the imperial capital would lie before him, the center of the
world, crammed to bursting with its own sediment. Nobody could fight his way
through here even with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window
when evening falls and dream it to yourself.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
THE LONGER
STORIES
Description
of a Struggle
And people in their
Sunday best
Stroll about, swaying
over the gravel
Under this enormous sky
Which, from hills in the
distance,
Stretches to distant
hills.
I
At
about midnight a few people rose, bowed, shook hands, said it had been a
pleasant evening, and then passed through the wide doorway into the vestibule,
to put on their coats. The hostess stood in the middle of the room and made
graceful bowing movements, causing the dainty folds in her skirt to move up and
down.
I sat at a tiny table -- it had
three curved, thin legs -- sipping my third glass of benedictine, and while I
drank I surveyed my little store of pastry which I myself had picked out and
arranged in a pile.
Then I saw my new acquaintance,
somewhat dishevelled and out of shape, appear at the doorpost of an adjoining
room; but I tried to look away for it was no concern of mine. He, however, came
toward me and, smiling absent-mindedly at my occupation, said: "Excuse me
for disturbing you, but until this very moment I've been sitting alone with my
girl in the room next door. Ever since half-past ten. Lord, what an evening! I
know it isn't right for me to be telling you this, for we hardly know one
another. We only met on the stairs this evening and exchanged a few words as
guests of the same house. And now -- but you must forgive me, please -- my
happiness just cannot be contained, I can't help it. And since I have no other
acquaintance here whom I can trust --"
I looked at him sadly -- the piece
of fruitcake which I had in my mouth did not taste particularly good -- and
said into his rather flushed face: "I'm glad of course that you consider
me trustworthy, but displeased that you have confided in me. And you yourself,
if you weren't in such a state, would know how improper it is to talk about an
amorous girl to a man sitting alone drinking schnapps."
When I said this, he sat down with a
jolt, leaned back in his chair, and let his arms hang down. Then he pressed
them back, his elbows pointed, and began talking in rather a loud voice:
"Only a little while ago we were alone in that room, Annie and I. And I kissed
her, I kissed her -- her mouth, her ears, her shoulders. Oh, my Lord and
Savior!"
A few guests, suspecting ours to be
a rather more animated conversation, approached us closer, yawning. Whereupon I
stood up and said so that all could hear: "All right then, if you insist,
I'll go with you, but I repeat: it's ridiculous to climb up the Laurenziberg
now, in winter and in the middle of the night. Besides, it's freezing, and as
it has been snowing the roads out there are like skating rinks. Well, as you like
--"
At first he gazed at me in
astonishment and parted his wet lips; but then, noticing the guests who had
approached quite close, he laughed, stood up, and said: "I think the cold
will do us good; our clothes are full of heat and smoke; what's more, I'm
slightly tipsy without having drunk very much; yes, let's say goodbye and
go."
So we went to the hostess, and as he
kissed her hand she said: "I am glad to see you looking so happy
today."
Touched by the kindness of these
words, he kissed her hand again; whereupon she smiled. I had to drag him away.
In the vestibule stood a housemaid, whom we hadn't seen before. She helped us
into our coats and then took a small lantern to light us down the stairs. Her
neck was bare save for a black velvet ribbon around her throat; her loosely
clothed body was stooped and kept stretching as she went down the stairs before
us, holding the lantern low. Her cheeks were flushed, for she had drunk some
wine, and in the weak lamplight which filled the whole stairwell, I could see
her lips trembling.
At the foot of the stairs she put
down the lantern, took a step toward my acquaintance, embraced him, kissed him,
and remained in the embrace. Only when I pressed a coin into her hand did she
drowsily detach her arms from him, slowly open the front door, and let us out
into the night.
Over the deserted, evenly lit street
stood a large moon in a slightly clouded, and therefore unusually extended,
sky. On the frozen snow one had to take short steps.
Hardly were we outside when I evidently
began to feel very gay. I raised my legs, let my joints crack, I shouted a name
down the street as though a friend of mine had just vanished around the corner;
leaping, I threw my hat in the air and caught it boastfully.
My acquaintance, however, walked on
beside me, unconcerned. He held his head bent. He didn't even speak.
This surprised me, for I had
calculated that he, once I had got him away from the party, would give vent to
his joy. Now I too could calm down. No sooner had I given him an encouraging
slap on the back than I suddenly no longer understood his mood, and withdrew my
hand. Since I had no use for it, I stuck it in the pocket of my coat.
So we walked on in silence.
Listening to the sound of our steps, I couldn't understand why I was incapable
of keeping step with my acquaintance -- especially since the air was clear and
I could see his legs quite plainly. Here and there someone leaned out of a
window and watched us.
On turning into the Ferdinandstrasse
I realized that my acquaintance had begun to hum a melody from the Dollar
Princess. It was low, but I could hear it distinctly. What did this mean?
Was he trying to insult me? As for me, I was ready to do without not only this
music, but the walk as well. Why wasn't he speaking to me, anyway? And if he
didn't need me, why hadn't he left me in peace in the warm room with the
benedictine and the pastry? It certainly wasn't I who had insisted on this
walk. Besides, I could have gone for a walk on my own. I had merely been at a
party, had saved an ungrateful young man from disgrace, and was now wandering
about in the moonlight. That was all right, too. All day in the office,
evenings at a party, at night in the streets, and nothing to excess. A way of
life so natural that it borders on the excessive!
Yet my acquaintance was still behind
me. Indeed, he even quickened his steps when he realized that he had fallen in
the rear. No word was uttered, nor could it be said that we were running. But I
wondered if it wouldn't be a good idea to turn down a side street; after all, I
wasn't obliged to go on this walk with him. I could go home alone and no one
could stop me. Then, secretly, I could watch my acquaintance pass the entrance
to my street. Goodbye, dear acquaintance! On reaching my room I'll feel warm,
I'll light the lamp in its iron stand on my table, and when I've done that I'll
lie back in my armchair which stands on the torn Oriental carpet. Pleasant
prospects! Why not? But then? No then. The lamp will shine in the warm room,
shine on my chest as I lie in the armchair. Then I'll cool off and spend hours
alone between the painted walls and the floor which, reflected in the
gilt-framed mirror hanging on the rear wall, appears slanted.
My legs were growing tired and I had
already decided to go home and lie down, when I began to wonder if, before
going away, I ought to say good night to my acquaintance. But I was too timid
to go away without a word and too weak to call to him out loud. So I stood
still, leaned against the moonlit wall of a house, and waited.
My acquaintance came sailing along
the pavement toward me as fast as though he expected me to catch him. He winked
at me, suggesting some agreement which I had apparently forgotten.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing," he said.
"I only wanted to ask your opinion about that housemaid who kissed me on
the staircase. Who is the girl? Have you ever seen her before? No? Nor have I.
Was she a housemaid at all? I had meant to ask you this before, while she was walking
down the stairs in front of us."
"I saw at once by her red hands
that she's a housemaid, and not even the first housemaid, and when I gave her
the money I felt her hard skin."
"But that merely proves that
she has been some time in service, which no doubt is the case."
"You may be right about that.
In that light one couldn't distinguish everything, but her face reminded me of
the elder daughter of an officer I happen to know."
"Not me," he said.
"That won't stop me going home;
it's late and I have to be in the office early. One sleeps badly there."
Whereupon I put out my hand to say goodbye to him.
"Whew, what a cold hand!"
he cried. "I wouldn't like to go home with a hand like that. You should
have let yourself be kissed, too, my friend. That was an omission. Still, you
can make up for it. But sleep? On a night like this? What an idea! Just think
how many thoughts a blanket smothers while one lies alone in bed, and how many
unhappy dreams it keeps warm."
"I neither smother anything nor
warm anything," I said.
"Oh, go on!" he concluded,
"you're a humorist!"
At the same time he began walking
again and I followed without realizing it, for I was busy thinking of what he
had said.
From these words I imagined that my
acquaintance suspected in me something which, although it wasn't there, made me
nevertheless rise in his estimation by his suspecting it. So it was just as
well I hadn't gone home. Who knows, this man -- thinking of housemaid affairs
while walking beside me, his mouth steaming with cold -- might be capable of
bestowing on me in the eyes of the world a value without my having to work for
it. Let's pray the girls won't spoil him! By all means let them kiss and hug
him, that's their duty and his right, but they mustn't carry him off. After
all, when they kiss him they also kiss me a little -- with the corners of their
mouths, so to speak. But if they carry him off, then they steal him from me.
And he must always remain with me, always. Who is to protect him, if not I? And
he's so stupid. Someone says to him in February: Come up the Laurenziberg --
and off he goes. And supposing he falls down now, or catches cold? Suppose some
jealous man appears from the Postgasse and attacks him? What will happen to me?
Am I to be just kicked out of the world? I'll believe that when I see it! No,
he won't get rid of me.
Tomorrow he'll be talking to
Fräulein Anna, about ordinary things at first, as is natural, but suddenly he
won't be able to keep it from her any longer: Last night, Annie, after the
party, you remember, I was with a man the like of whom you've certainly never
seen. He looked -- how can I describe him to you? -- like a stick dangling in
the air, he looked, with a black-haired skull on top. His body was clad in a
lot of small, dull-yellow patches of cloth which covered him completely because
they hung closely about him in the still air of last night. Well, Annie, does
that spoil your appetite? It does? In that case it's my fault, then I told the
whole thing badly. If only you'd seen him, walking timidly beside me, reading
infatuation on my face (which wasn't very difficult), and going a long way
ahead of me so as not to disturb me. I think, Annie, you'd have laughed a bit
and been a bit afraid; but I was glad of his company. For where were you,
Annie? You were in your bed, and your bed was far away -- it might just as well
have been in Africa. But sometimes I really felt as though the starry sky rose
and fell with the gasping of his flat chest. You think I'm exaggerating? No,
Annie. Upon my soul, no. Upon my soul which belongs to you, no.
And I didn't spare my acquaintance
-- we had just reached the first steps of the Franzensquai -- the smallest
fraction of the humiliation he must have felt at making such a speech. Save
that my thoughts grew blurred at this moment, for the Moldau and the quarter of
the town on the farther shore lay together in the dark. A number of lights
burning there teased the eye.
We crossed the road in order to
reach the railing along the river, and there we stood still. I found a tree to
lean against. Because of the cold blowing up from the water, I put on my
gloves, sighed for no good reason, as one is inclined to do at night beside a
river, but then I wanted to walk on. My acquaintance, however, was staring into
the water, and didn't budge. Then he moved closer to the railing; his legs were
already against the iron bar, he propped his elbows up and laid his forehead in
his hands. What next? After all, I was shivering and had to put up the collar
of my coat. My acquaintance stretched himself -- his back, shoulders, neck --
and held the upper half of his body, which rested on his taut arms, bent over
the railing.
"Oh well, memories," said
I. "Yes, even remembering in itself is sad, yet how much more its object!
Don't let yourself in for things like that, it's not for you and not for me. It
only weakens one's present position without strengthening the former one --
nothing is more obvious -- quite apart from the fact that the former one
doesn't need strengthening. Do you think I have no memories? Oh, ten for every
one of yours. Now, for instance, I could remember sitting on a bench in L. It
was in the evening, also near a river. In summer, of course. And on such
evenings it's my habit to pull up my legs and put my arms around them. I had leaned
my head against the wooden back of the bench, and from there I watched the
cloudlike mountains on the other shore. A violin was playing softly in the
hotel by the river. Now and again on both shores trains chuffed by amid shining
smoke."
Turning suddenly around, my
acquaintance interrupted me; he almost looked as though he were surprised to
see me still here. "Oh, I could tell you much more," I said, nothing
else.
"Just imagine," he began,
"and it always happens like this. Today, as I was going downstairs to take
a short walk before the evening party, I couldn't help being surprised by the
way my hands were dangling about in my cuffs, and they were doing it so gaily.
Which promptly made me think: Just wait, something's going to happen today. And
it did, too." He said this while turning to go and looked at me smiling
out of his big eyes.
So I had already got as far as that.
He could tell me things like that and at the same time smile and look at me
with big eyes. And I -- I had to restrain myself from putting my arm around his
shoulders and kissing him on the eyes as a reward for having absolutely no use
for me. But the worst was that even that could no longer do any harm because it
couldn't change anything, for now I had to go away, away at any price.
While I was still trying urgently to
think of some means by which I could stay at least a little while longer with
my acquaintance, it occurred to me that perhaps my long body displeased him by
making him feel too small. And this thought -- although it was late at night
and we had hardly met a soul -- tormented me so much that while walking I bent
my back until my hands reached my knees. But in order to prevent my
acquaintance from noticing my intentions I changed my position only very
gradually, tried to divert his attention from myself, once even turning him
toward the river, pointing out to him with outstretched hands the trees on the
Schutzeninsel and the way the bridge lamps were reflected in the river.
But wheeling suddenly around, he
looked at me -- I hadn't quite finished yet -- and said: "What's this?
You're all crooked! What on earth are you up to?"
"Quite right. You're very
observant," said I, my head on the seam of his trousers, which was why I
couldn't look up properly.
"Enough of that! Stand up
straight! What nonsense!"
"No," I said, my face
close to the ground, "I'll stay as I am."
"You really can annoy a person,
I must say. Such a waste of time! Come on, put an end to it."
"The way you shout! In the
quiet of the night!" I said.
"Oh well, just as you
like," he added, and after a while: "It's a quarter to one." He
had evidently seen the time on the clock of the Mühlenturm.
I promptly stood up straight as
though I'd been pulled up by the hair. For a while I kept my mouth open, to let
my agitation escape. I understood: he was sending me away. There was no place
for me near him, or if there were one, at least it could not be found. Why, by
the way, was I so intent on staying with him? No, I ought to go away -- and
this at once -- to my relatives and friends who were waiting for me. But if I
didn't have any relatives and friends then I must fend for myself (what was the
good of complaining!), but I must leave here no less quickly. For in his eyes
nothing could redeem me any longer, neither my length, my appetite, nor my cold
hand. But if I were of the opinion that I had to remain with him, it was a
dangerous opinion.
"I wasn't in need of your
information," I said, which happened to be true.
"Thank God you're standing up straight
again. All I said was that it's a quarter to one."
"That's all right," said
I, and stuck two fingernails in the gaps between my chattering teeth. "If
I didn't need your information, how much less do I need an explanation. The
fact is, I need nothing but your mercy. Please, take back what you said just
now!"
"That it's a quarter to one?
But with pleasure, especially since a quarter to one passed long ago."
He lifted his right arm, flicked his
hand, and listened to the castanetlike sound of his cuff links.
Obviously, this is the time for the
murder. I'll stay with him and slowly he'll draw the dagger -- the handle of
which he is already holding in his pocket -- along his coat, and then plunge it
into me. It's unlikely that he'll be surprised at the simplicity of it all --
yet maybe he will, who knows? I won't scream, I'll just stare at him as long as
my eyes can stand it.
"Well?" he said.
In front of a distant coffeehouse
with black windowpanes a policeman let himself glide over the pavement like a
skater. His sword hampering him, he took it in his hand, and now he glided
along for quite a while, finally ending up by almost describing a circle. At
last he yodeled weakly and, melodies in his head, began once more to skate.
It wasn't until the arrival of this
policeman -- who, two hundred feet from an imminent murder, saw and heard only
himself -- that I began to feel a certain fear. I realized that whether I
allowed myself to be stabbed or ran away, my end had come. Would it not be
better, then, to run away and thus expose myself to a difficult and therefore
more painful death? I could not immediately put my finger on the reasons in
favor of this form of death, but I couldn't afford to spend my last remaining
seconds looking for reasons. There would be time for that later provided I had
the determination, and the determination I had.
I had to run away, it would be quite
easy. At the turning to the left onto the Karlsbrücke I could jump to the right
into the Karlsgasse. It was winding, there were dark doorways, and taverns
still open; I didn't need to despair.
As we stepped from under the arch at
the end of the quay onto the Kreuzherrenplatz, I ran into that street with my
arms raised. But in front of a small door in the Seminarkirche I fell, for there
was a step which I had not expected. It made a little noise, the next street
lamp was sufficiently far away, I lay in the dark.
From a tavern opposite came a fat
woman with a lantern to see what had happened in the street. The piano within
continued playing, but fainter, with only one hand, because the pianist had
turned toward the door which, until now ajar, had been opened wide by a man in
a high-buttoned coat. He spat and then hugged the woman so hard she was obliged
to raise the lantern in order to protect it.
"Nothing's happened!" he
shouted into the room, whereupon they both turned, went inside, and the door
was closed.
When I tried to get up I fell down
again. "Sheer ice," I said, and felt a pain in my knee. Yet I was
glad that the people in the tavern hadn't seen me and that I could go on lying
here peacefully until dawn.
My acquaintance had apparently
walked on as far as the bridge without having noticed my disappearance, for it
was some time before he joined me. I saw no signs of surprise as he bent down
over me -- lowering little more than his neck, exactly like a hyena -- and
stroked me with a soft hand. He passed it up and down my cheekbone and then
laid his palm on my forehead. "You've hurt yourself, eh? Well, it's icy
and one must be careful -- didn't you tell me so yourself? Does your head ache?
No? Oh, the knee. H'm. That's bad."
But it didn't occur to him to help
me up. I supported my head with my right hand, my elbow on a cobblestone, and
said: "Here we are together again." And as my fear was beginning to
return, I pressed both hands against his shinbone in order to push him away.
"Do go away," I said.
He had his hands in his pockets and
looked up the empty street, then at the Seminarkirche, then up at the sky. At
last, at the sound of a carriage in one of the nearby streets, he remembered
me: "Why don't you say something, my friend? Do you feel sick? Why don't
you get up? Shall I look for a cab? If you like, I'll get you some wine from
the tavern. In any case, you mustn't lie here in the cold. Besides, we wanted
to go up the Laurenziberg."
"Of course," said I, and
got up on my own, but with great pain. I began to sway, and had to look
severely at the statue of Karl IV to be sure of my position. However, even this
would not have helped me had I not remembered that I was loved by a girl with a
black velvet ribbon around her neck, if not passionately, at least faithfully.
And it really was kind of the moon to shine on me, too, and out of modesty I
was about to place myself under the arch of the tower bridge when it occurred
to me that the moon, of course, shone on everything. So I happily spread out my
arms in order fully to enjoy the moon. And by making swimming movements with my
weary arms it was easy for me to advance without pain or difficulty. To think
that I had never tried this before! My head lay in the cool air and it was my
right knee that flew best; I praised it by patting it. And I remembered that
once upon a time I didn't altogether like an acquaintance, who was probably
still walking below me, and the only thing that pleased me about the whole
business was that my memory was good enough to remember even a thing like that.
But I couldn't afford to do much thinking, for I had to go on swimming to
prevent myself from sinking too low. However, to avoid being told later that
anyone could swim on the pavement and that it wasn't worth mentioning, I raised
myself above the railing by increasing my speed and swam in circles around the
statue of every saint I encountered. At the fifth -- I was holding myself just
above the footpath by imperceptible flappings -- my acquaintance gripped my
hand. There I stood once more on the pavement and felt a pain in my knee.
"I've always admired,"
said my acquaintance, clutching me with one hand and pointing with the other at
the statue of St. Ludmila, "I've always admired the hands of this angel
here to the left. Just see how delicate they are! Real angel's hands! Have you
ever seen anything like them? You haven't, but I have, for this evening I kissed
hands --"
But for me there was now a third
possibility of perishing. I didn't have to let myself be stabbed, I didn't have
to run away, I could simply throw myself into the air. Let him go up his
Laurenziberg, I won't interfere with him, not even by running away will I
interfere with him.
And now I shouted: "Out with
your stories! I no longer want to hear scraps. Tell me everything, from
beginning to end. I won't listen to less, I warn you. But I'm burning to hear
the whole thing." When he looked at me I stopped shouting so loud.
"And you can count on my discretion! Tell me everything that's on your
mind. You've never had so discreet a listener as I."
And rather low, close to his ear, I
said: "And you don't need to be afraid of me, that's quite
unnecessary."
I heard him laugh.
"Yes, yes," I said.
"I believe that. I don't doubt it," and so saying I pinched him in
the calves -- where they were exposed. But he didn't feel it. Whereupon I said
to myself: "Why walk with this man? You don't love him, nor do you hate
him, because all he cares about is a girl and it's not even certain that she
wears a white dress. So to you this man is indifferent -- I repeat:
indifferent. But he is also harmless, as has been proved. So walk on with him
up the Laurenziberg, for you are already on your way, it's a beautiful night,
but let him do the talking and enjoy yourself after your fashion, for this is
the very best way (say it in a whisper) to protect yourself."
II
DIVERSIONS or PROOF THAT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE
i A Ride
And now -- with a flourish, as
though it were not the first time -- I leapt onto the shoulders of my
acquaintance, and by digging my fists into his back I urged him into a trot.
But since he stumped forward rather reluctantly and sometimes even stopped, I
kicked him in the belly several times with my boots, to make him more lively.
It worked and we came fast enough into the interior of a vast but as yet
unfinished landscape.
The road on which I was riding was
stony and rose considerably, but just this I liked and I let it become still
stonier and steeper. As soon as my acquaintance stumbled I pulled him up by the
collar and the moment he sighed I boxed his head. In doing so I felt how
healthy this ride in the good air was for me, and in order to make him wilder I
let a strong wind blow against us in long gusts.
Now I even began to exaggerate my
jumping movements on my acquaintance's broad shoulders, and gripping his neck
tight with both hands I bent my head far back and contemplated the many and
various clouds which, weaker than I, sailed clumsily with the wind. I laughed
and trembled with courage. My coat spread out and gave me strength. I pressed my
hands hard together and in doing so happened to make my acquaintance choke.
Only when the sky became gradually hidden by the branches of the trees, which I
let grow along the road, did I come to myself.
"I don't know," I cried
without a sound, "I really don't know. If nobody comes, then nobody comes.
I have done nobody any harm, nobody has done me any harm, but nobody will help
me. A pack of nobodies. But it isn't quite like that. It's just that nobody
helps me, otherwise a pack of nobodies would be nice, I would rather like (what
do you think?) to go on an excursion with a pack of nobodies. Into the
mountains, of course, where else? Just look at these nobodies pushing each
other, all these arms stretched across or hooked into one another, these feet
separated by tiny steps! Everyone in frock coats, needless to say. We walk
along so happily, a fine wind is whistling through the gaps made by us and our
limbs. In the mountains our throats become free. It's a wonder we don't break
into song."
Then my acquaintance collapsed, and
when I examined him I discovered that he was badly wounded in the knee. Since
he could no longer be of any use to me, I left him there on the stones without
much regret and whistled down a few vultures which, obediently and with serious
beaks, settled down on him in order to guard him.
ii A Walk
I walked on, unperturbed. But since,
as a pedestrian, I dreaded the effort of climbing the mountainous road, I let
it become gradually flatter, let it slope down into a valley in the distance. The
stones vanished at my will and the wind disappeared.
I walked at a brisk pace and since I
was on my way down I raised my head, stiffened my body, and crossed my arms
behind my head. Because I love pinewoods I went through woods of this kind, and
since I like gazing silently up at the stars, the stars appeared slowly in the
sky, as is their wont. I saw only a few fleecy clouds which a wind, blowing
just at their height, pulled through the air, to the astonishment of the
pedestrian.
Opposite and at some distance from
my road, probably separated from it by a river as well, I caused to rise an
enormously high mountain whose plateau, overgrown with brushwood, bordered on
the sky. I could see quite clearly the little ramifications of the highest
branches and their movements. This sight, ordinary as it may be, made me so
happy that I, as a small bird on a twig of those distant scrubby bushes, forgot
to let the moon come up. It lay already behind the mountain, no doubt angry at
the delay.
But now the cool light that precedes
the rising of the moon spread over the mountain and suddenly the moon itself
appeared from beyond one of the restless bushes. I on the other hand had
meanwhile been gazing in another direction, and when I now looked ahead of me
and suddenly saw it glowing in its almost full roundness, I stood still with
troubled eyes, for my precipitous road seemed to lead straight into this
terrifying moon.
After a while, however, I grew
accustomed to it and watched with composure the difficulty it had in rising,
until finally, having approached one another a considerable part of the way, I
felt overcome by an intense drowsiness caused, I assumed, by the fatigue of the
walk, to which I was unaccustomed. I wandered on for a while with closed eyes,
keeping myself awake only by a loud and regular clapping of my hands.
But then, as the road threatened to
slip away from under my feet and everything, as weary as I myself, began to
vanish, I summoned my remaining strength and hastened to scale the slope to the
right of the road in order to reach in time the high tangled pinewood where I
planned to spend the night that probably lay ahead of us.
The haste was necessary. The stars
were already fading and I noticed the moon sink feebly into the sky as though
into troubled waters. The mountain already belonged to the darkness, the road
crumbled away at the point where I had turned toward the slope, and from the
interior of the forest I heard the approaching crashes of collapsing trees. Now
I could have thrown myself down on the moss to sleep, but since I feared to
sleep on the ground I crept -- the trunk sliding quickly down the rings formed
by my arms and legs -- up a tree which was already reeling without wind. I lay
down on a branch and, leaning my head against the trunk, went hastily to sleep
while a squirrel of my whim sat stiff-tailed at the trembling end of the
branch, and rocked itself.
My sleep was deep and dreamless.
Neither the waning moon nor the rising sun awoke me. And even when I was about
to wake up, I calmed myself by saying: "You made a great effort yesterday,
so spare your sleep," and went to sleep again.
Although I did not dream, my sleep
was not free from a continuous slight disturbance. All night long I heard
someone talking beside me. The words themselves I could hardly hear -- except
isolated ones like "bench. . . by the river," "cloudlike
mountains," "trains. . . amidst shining smoke"; what I did hear
was the special kind of emphasis placed on them; and I remember that even in my
sleep I rubbed my hands with pleasure at not being obliged to recognize single
words, since I was asleep.
"Your life was
monotonous," I said aloud in order to convince myself, "it really was
necessary for you to be taken somewhere else. You ought to be content, it's gay
here. The sun's shining."
Whereupon the sun shone and the rain
clouds grew white and light and small in the blue sky. They sparkled and
billowed out. I saw a river in the valley.
"Yes, your life was monotonous,
you deserve this diversion," I continued as though compelled, "but
was it not also perilous?" At that moment I heard someone sigh terribly
near.
I tried to climb down quickly, but
since the branch trembled as much as my hand I fell rigid from the top. I did
not fall heavily, nor did I feel any pain, but I felt so weak and unhappy that
I buried my face in the ground: I could not bear the strain of seeing around me
the things of the earth. I felt convinced that every movement and every thought
was forced, and that one had to be on one's guard against them. Yet nothing
seemed more natural than to lie here on the grass, my arms beside my body, my
face hidden. And I tried to persuade myself that I ought to be pleased to be
already in this natural position, for otherwise many painful contortions, such
as steps or words, would be required to arrive at it.
The river was wide and its noisy
little waves reflected the light. On the other shore lay meadows which farther
on merged into bushes behind which, at a great distance, one could see bright
avenues of fruit trees leading to green hills.
Pleased by this sight, I lay down
and, stopping my ears against the dread sound of sobs, I thought: Here I could
be content. For here it is secluded and beautiful. It won't take much courage
to live here. One will have to struggle here as anywhere else, but at least one
won't have to do it with graceful movements. That won't be necessary. For there
are only mountains and a wide river and I have sense enough to regard them as
inanimate. Yes, when I totter alone up the steep path through the meadows in
the evening I will be no more forsaken than the mountains, except that I will
feel it. But I think that this, too, will pass.
Thus I toyed with my future life and
tried stubbornly to forget. And all the time I blinked at that sky which was of
an unusually promising color. It was a long time since I'd seen it like this; I
was moved and reminded of certain days when I thought I had seen it in the same
way. I took my hands from my ears, spread out my arms, and let them fall in the
grass.
I heard someone sob softly from
afar. A wind sprang up and a great mass of leaves, which I had not seen before,
rose rustling into the air. Unripe fruit thudded senselessly from the trees
onto the ground. Ugly clouds rose from behind the mountain. The waves on the
river creaked and receded from the wind.
I got up quickly. My heart hurt, for
now it seemed impossible to escape from my suffering. I was already about to
turn and leave this region and go back to my former way of life when the
following idea occurred to me: "How strange it is that even in our time
distinguished people are transported across a river in this complicated way.
There's no other explanation than that it is an old custom." I shook my
head, for I was surprised.
iii The Fat Man
a An
Address to the Landscape
From the thicket on the opposite
bank four naked men strode vehemently forth, carrying on their shoulders a
wooden litter. On this litter sat, Oriental fashion, a monstrously fat man.
Although carried through the thicket on an untrodden path, he did not push the
thorny branches apart but simply let his motionless body thrust through them.
His folds of fat were so carefully spread out that although they covered the
whole litter and even hung down its side like the hem of a yellowish carpet,
they did not hamper him. His hairless skull was small and gleamed yellow. His
face bore the artless expression of a man who meditates and makes no effort to
conceal it. From time to time he closed his eyes: on opening them again his
chin became distorted.
"The landscape disturbs my
thought," he said in a low voice. "It makes my reflections sway like
suspension bridges in a furious current. It is beautiful and for this reason
wants to be looked at."
I close my eyes and say: You green
mountain by the river, with your rocks rolling against the water, you are
beautiful.
But it is not satisfied; it wants me
to open my eyes to it.
Then I might say to it with my eyes
closed: "Mountain, I do not love you, for you remind me of the clouds, of
the sunset, of the rising sky, and these are things that almost make me cry
because one can never reach them while being carried on a small litter. But
when showing me this, sly mountain, you block the distant view which gladdens
me, for it reveals the attainable at a glance. That's why I do not love you,
mountain by the water -- no, I do not love you."
But the mountain would be as
indifferent to this speech as to my former one so long as I did not talk with
my eyes open. This is the only way to please it.
And must we not keep it well
disposed toward us in order to keep it up at all -- this mountain which has
such a capricious fondness for the pulp of our brains? It might cast on me its
jagged shadow, it might silently thrust terrible bare walls in front of me and
my bearers would stumble over the little pebbles on the road.
But it is not only the mountain that
is so vain, so obtrusive and vindictive -- everything else is, too. So I must
go on repeating with wide-open eyes -- oh, how they hurt!:
"Yes, mountain, you are
beautiful and the forests on your western slope delight me. -- With you,
flower, I am also pleased, and your pink gladdens my soul. -- You, grass of the
meadows, are already high and strong and refreshing. -- And you, exotic bushes,
you prick so unexpectedly that our thoughts start leaping. -- But with you,
river, I am so delighted that I will let myself be carried through your supple
water."
After he had shouted this paean of
praise ten times, accompanied by some humble shifting of his body, he let his
head droop and said with closed eyes:
"But now -- I implore you --
mountain, flowers, grass, bush, and river, give me some room so that I may
breathe."
At that moment the surrounding
mountains began to shift in hasty obedience, then withdrew behind a curtain of
fog. Although the avenues stood firm for a while and guarded the width of the
road, they soon merged into one another. In the sky in front of the sun lay a
humid cloud with a delicately transparent edge in whose shade the country sank
deeper and deeper while everything else lost its lovely outline.
The sound of the bearers' steps reached
my side of the river and yet I could not distinguish any details in the dark
square of their faces. I only saw them bending their heads sideways and arching
their backs, for their burden was excessive. I was worried about them, for I
realized that they were tired. So it was in suspense that I watched them step
into the rushes, then walk through the wet sand, their strides still regular,
until they finally sank into the muddy swamp where the two rear bearers bent
even lower so as to keep the litter in its horizontal position. I pressed my
hands together. By now they had to raise their feet high at every step until
their bodies glistened with sweat in the cool air of this unsettled afternoon.
The fat man sat quiet, hands on his
thighs; the long pointed tips of the reeds grazed him as they flipped up in the
wake of the bearers in front.
The bearers' movements grew more
irregular the nearer they came to the water. At times the litter swayed as
though it were already on the waves. Small puddles in the rushes had to be
jumped over or walked around, for they might possibly be deep.
At one moment wild ducks rose
shrieking, mounting steeply into the rain cloud. It was then that I caught a
glimpse of the fat man's face; it looked alarmed. I got up and in hectic leaps
I zigzagged over the stony slope separating me from the water. I paid no heed to
the danger, was concerned only with helping the fat man should his servants no
longer be able to carry him. I ran so recklessly that I couldn't stop, and was
forced to dash into the splashing water, coming to a halt only when the water
reached my knees.
Meanwhile the servants, with
considerable distortions of their bodies, had carried the litter into the
river, and holding themselves above the unruly water with one hand, they
propped up the litter with four hairy arms, their muscles standing out in relief.
The water lapped against their
chins, then rose to their mouths; the bearers bent their heads back and the
litter handles fell on their shoulders. The water was already playing around
the bridges of their noses, and yet they did not give up, although they had
hardly reached the middle of the river. Then a low wave swept over the heads of
those in front and the four men drowned in silence, their desperate hands
pulling the litter down with them. Water gushed after them.
And now the evening sun's slanting
rays broke forth from behind the rims of the great cloud and illuminated the
hills and mountains as far as the eye could see, while the river and the region
beneath the cloud lay in an uncertain light.
The fat man turned slowly in the
direction of the flowing water and was carried down the river like a yellow
wooden idol which had become useless and so had been cast into the river. He
sailed along on the reflection of the rain cloud. Elongated clouds pulled and
small hunched ones pushed him, creating considerable commotion, the effect of
which could even be noticed by the lapping of water against my knees and the
stones on the shore.
I crept quickly up the slope so as
to be able to accompany the fat man on his way, for I truly loved him. And
perhaps I could learn something about the dangers of this apparently safe
country. So I walked along a strip of sand to the narrowness of which one had
to grow accustomed, hands in my pockets and my face turned at right angles to
the river so that my chin rested almost on my shoulder.
Swallows sat on the stones by the
shore.
The fat man said: "Dear sir on
the shore, don't try to rescue me. This is the water's and the wind's revenge;
now I am lost. Yes, revenge it is, for how often have we attacked them, I and
my friend the supplicant, amidst the singing of our swords, the flash of
cymbals, the great splendor of trumpets, and the leaping blaze of drums!"
A tiny mosquito with stretched wings
flew straight through his belly without losing its speed. The fat man continued:
b Beginning
of a Conversation with the Supplicant
There was a time when I went to a
church day after day, for a girl I was in love with used to kneel there in
prayer for half an hour every evening, which enabled me to watch her at my
leisure.
Once when the girl failed to appear
and in dismay I was watching the other people praying, my eye was caught by a
young man who had flung his long emaciated figure on the ground. From time to
time he clutched his skull with all his strength and, moaning loudly, beat it
in the palms of his hands on the stone floor.
In the church there were only a few
old women who kept turning their shawled heads sideways to glance at the
praying man. This attention seemed to please him, for before each of his pious
outbursts he let his eyes rove about to see how many people were watching him.
Finding this unseemly, I decided to accost him on his way out of the church and
ask him outright why he prayed in this manner. For since my arrival in this
town clarity had become more important to me than anything else, even though at
this moment I felt only annoyance at my girl's failure to appear.
Yet an hour passed before he stood
up, brushed his trousers for such a long time that I felt like shouting:
"Enough, enough! We can all see that you have trousers on," crossed
himself carefully, and with the lumbering gait of a sailor walked to the font
of holy water.
I placed myself between the font and
the door, determined not to let him pass without an explanation. I screwed up
my mouth, this being the best preparation for resolute speech, and supported
myself by standing on my right leg while resting the left one on its toes, for
this position as I have often experienced gives me a sense of stability.
Now it is possible that this young
man had already caught sight of me while sprinkling his face with holy water;
perhaps my stare had alarmed him even earlier, for he now quite unexpectedly
rushed to the door and out. I involuntarily jumped to stop him. The glass door
slammed. And when I passed through it a moment later I could not find him, for
the narrow streets were numerous and the traffic considerable.
During the following days he failed
to appear, but the girl came and again prayed in a corner of a side chapel. She
wore a black dress with a transparent lace yoke -- the crescent of her chemise
could be seen through it -- from the lower edge of which the silk hung down in
a finely cut frill. And now that the girl had returned I was glad to forget
about the young man, ignoring him even when he continued to appear regularly
and to pray in his usual fashion.
Yet he always passed me by in sudden
haste, his face averted. While praying, on the other hand, he kept glancing at
me. It almost looked as though he were angry with me for not having accosted
him earlier and was thinking that for my first attempt to talk to him I had
actually taken upon me the duty to do so. One day as I was following the girl
out as usual after a service, I ran into him in the semidarkness and thought I
saw him smile.
The duty to talk to him, needless to
say, did not exist, nor had I much desire to do so anymore. And even when I
hurried up to the church one evening while the clock was striking seven and
found, instead of the girl who of course had left long ago, only the young man
exerting himself in front of the altar railings, I still hesitated.
At last I tiptoed to the door,
slipped a coin to the blind beggar sitting there, and squeezed in beside him
behind the open wing. And there for about half an hour I looked forward to the
surprise I was planning to spring upon the supplicant. But this feeling did not
last. Before long I was morosely watching spiders creeping over my clothes and
finding it tiresome to have to bend forward every time someone came breathing
loud out of the darkness of the church.
But finally he came. The ringing of
the great bells which had started a little while ago did not agree with him, I
realized. Each time before taking a step he had to touch the ground lightly
with his foot.
I straightened myself, took a long
stride forward, and grabbed him. "Good evening," said I, and with my
hand on his coat collar I pushed him down the steps onto the lighted square.
When we had reached ground level he
turned toward me while I was still holding on to him from behind, so that we
stood breast to breast.
"If only you'd let go of
me!" he said. "I don't know what you suspect me of, but I'm
innocent." Then he repeated once more: "Of course I don't know what
you suspect me of."
"There is no question here of
suspicion or innocence. I ask you not to mention it again. We are strangers;
our acquaintance is no older than the church steps are high. What would happen
if we were immediately to start discussing our innocence?"
"Precisely what I think,"
he said. "As a matter of fact, you said 'our innocence.' Do you mean to
suggest that if I had proved my innocence you would have to prove yours, too?
Is that what you mean?"
"That or something else,"
I said. "I accosted you only because I wanted to ask you something,
remember that!"
"I'd like to go home," he
said, and made an effort to turn.
"I quite believe it. Would I
have accosted you otherwise? Don't get the idea that I accosted you on account
of your beautiful eyes."
"Aren't you being a little too
sincere?"
"Must I repeat that there's no
question of such things? What has it to do with sincerity or insincerity? I
ask, you answer, and then goodbye. So far as I'm concerned you can even go
home, and as fast as you like."
"Would it not be better to meet
some other time? At a more suitable hour? Say in a coffeehouse? Besides, your
fiancée left only a few
minutes ago, you can easily catch her up, she has waited so long for you."
"No!" I shouted into the
noise of the passing tram. "You won't escape me. I like you more and more.
You're a lucky catch. I congratulate myself."
To which he said: "Oh God, you
have a sound heart, as they say, but a head of wood. You call me a lucky catch,
how lucky you must be! For my bad luck is precariously balanced and when
touched it falls onto the questioner. And so: Good night."
"Fine," said I, surprised
him and seized his right hand. "If you don't answer of your own accord,
I'll force you. I'll follow you wherever you go, right or left, even up the
stairs to your room, and in your room I'll sit down, wherever there's space. Go
on then, keep staring at me, I can stand it. But how" -- I stepped up
close and because he was a head taller I spoke into his throat -- "how are
you going to summon up the courage to stop me?"
Whereupon, stepping back, he kissed
my hands in turn, and wetted them with his tears. "One cannot deny you
anything. Just as you knew I want to go home, I knew even earlier that I cannot
deny you anything. All I ask is that we go over there into the side
street." I nodded and we went over. When a carriage separated us and I was
left behind, he beckoned to me with both hands, to make me hurry.
But once there, not satisfied with
the darkness of the street where the lamps were widely separated from one
another and almost as high as the first floor, he led me into the low hallway
of an old house and under a small lamp which hung dripping in front of the
wooden stairs.
Spreading his handkerchief over the
hollow in a worn step, he invited me to be seated: "It's easier for you to
ask questions sitting down. I'll remain standing, it's easier for me to answer.
But don't torment me!"
I sat down because he took it all so
seriously, but nevertheless felt I had to say: "You've led me to this hole
as though we are conspirators, whereas I am bound to you simply by curiosity,
you to me by fear. Actually, all I want to ask is why you pray like that in
church. The way you carry on there! Like an utter fool! How ridiculous it all
is, how unpleasant for the onlookers, how intolerable for the devout!"
He had pressed his body against the
wall, only his head moved slowly in space. "You're wrong! The devout
consider my behavior natural, the others consider it devout."
"My annoyance proves you're
mistaken."
"Your annoyance -- assuming
it's real -- only proves that you belong neither to the devout nor to the
others."
"You're right. I was
exaggerating when I said your behavior annoyed me; no, it aroused my curiosity
as I stated correctly at first. But you, to which group do you belong?"
"Oh, I just get fun out of
people watching me, out of occasionally casting a shadow on the altar, so to
speak."
"Fun?" I asked, making a
face.
"No, if you want to know. Don't
be angry with me for expressing it wrongly. It's not fun, for me it's a need; a
need to let myself be nailed down for a brief hour by those eyes, while the
whole town around me --"
"The things you say!" I
cried far too loud for the insignificant remark and the low hallway, but I was
afraid of falling silent or of lowering my voice. "Really, the things you
say! Now I realize, by God, that I guessed from the very beginning the state
you are in. Isn't it something like a fever, a seasickness on land, a kind of
leprosy? Don't you feel it's this very feverishness that is preventing you from
being properly satisfied with the real names of things, and that now, in your
frantic haste, you're just pelting them with any old names? You can't do it
fast enough. But hardly have you run away from them when you've forgotten the
names you gave them. The poplar in the fields, which you've called the 'Tower
of Babel' because you didn't want to know it was a poplar, sways again without
a name, so you have to call it 'Noah in his cups.' "
He interrupted me: "I'm glad I
haven't understood a word you've been saying."
Irritated, I said quickly:
"Your being glad about it proves that you have understood it."
"Didn't I say so before? One
cannot deny you anything."
I put my hands on a step above me,
leaned back, and in this all but unassailable position, the wrestler's last
resort, I asked: "Excuse me, but to throw back at me an explanation which
I gave you is insincere."
At this he grew daring. To give his
body unity he clasped his hands together and said with some reluctance:
"You ruled out quarrels about insincerity from the very beginning. And
truly, I'm no longer concerned with anything but to give you a proper
explanation for my way of praying. Do you know why I pray like that?"
He was putting me to the test. No, I
didn't know, nor did I want to know. I hadn't even wanted to come here, I said
to myself, but this creature had practically forced me to listen to him. So all
I had to do was to shake my head and everything would be all right, but at the
moment this was just what I couldn't do. The creature opposite me smiled. Then
he crouched down on his knees and said with a sleepy expression: "Now I
can also tell you at last why I let you accost me. Out of curiosity, from hope.
Your stare has been comforting me for a long time. And I hope to learn from you
how things really are, why it is that around me things sink away like fallen
snow, whereas for other people even a little liqueur glass stands on the table
steady as a statue."
As I remained silent and only an
involuntary twitching passed over my face, he asked: "So you don't believe
this happens to other people? You really don't? Just listen, then. When as a
child I opened my eyes after a brief afternoon nap, still not quite sure I was
alive, I heard my mother up on the balcony asking in a natural tone of voice:
'What are you doing, my dear? Goodness, isn't it hot?' From the garden a woman
answered: 'Me, I'm having my tea on the lawn.' They spoke casually and not very
distinctly, as though this woman had expected the question, my mother the
answer."
Feeling that this required an
answer, I put my hand in the hip pocket of my trousers as though I were looking
for something. Actually, I wasn't looking for anything, I just wished to change
my appearance in order to show interest in the conversation. Finally I said I
thought this a most remarkable incident and that I couldn't make head or tail
of it. I also added that I didn't believe it was true and that it must have
been invented for a special reason whose purpose wasn't clear to me just now.
Then I closed my eyes so as to shut out the bad light.
"Well, isn't that encouraging!
For once you agree with me, and you accosted me to tell me that out of sheer
unselfishness. I lose one hope and acquire another.
"Why, after all, should I feel
ashamed of not walking upright and taking normal steps, of not tapping the
pavement with my stick, and not touching the clothes of the people who pass
noisily by? Am I not rather entitled to complain bitterly at having to skip
along the houses like a shadow without a clear outline, sometimes disappearing
in the panes of the shopwindows?
"Oh, what dreadful days I have
to live through! Why is everything so badly built that high houses collapse
every now and again for no apparent reason? On these occasions I clamber over
the rubble, asking everyone I meet: 'How could this have happened? In our town
-- a new house -- how many does that make today? -- Just think of it!' And no
one can give me an answer.
"Frequently people fall in the
street and lie there dead. Whereupon all the shop people open their doors laden
with wares, hurry busily out, cart the dead into a house, come out again all
smiles, then the chatter begins: 'Good morning -- it's a dull day -- I'm selling
any amount of kerchiefs -- ah yes, the war.' I rush into the house, and after
raising my hand several times timidly with my finger crooked, I finally knock
on the janitor's little window: 'Good morning,' I say, 'I understand a dead man
was carried in here just now. Would you be kind enough to let me see him?' And
when he shakes his head as though unable to make up his mind, I add: 'Take
care, I'm a member of the secret police and insist on seeing the dead man at
once!' Now he is no longer undecided. 'Out with you!' he shouts. 'This riffraff
is getting in the habit of snooping about here every day. There's no dead man
here. Maybe next door.' I raise my hat and go.
"But then, on having to cross a
large square, I forget everything. If people must build such huge squares from
sheer wantonness, why don't they build a balustrade across them as well? Today
there's a southwest wind blowing. The spire of the Town Hall is moving in
little circles. All the windowpanes are rattling, and the lampposts are bending
like bamboos. The Virgin Mary's cloak is coiling around her pillar and the wind
is tugging at it. Does no one notice this? The ladies and gentlemen who should
be walking on the pavement are floating. When the wind falls they stand still,
say a few words, and bow to one another, but when the wind rises again they are
helpless, and all their feet leave the ground at the same time. Although
obliged to hold on to their hats, their eyes twinkle gaily enough and no one
has the slightest fault to find with the weather. I'm the only one who's
afraid."
To which I was able to say:
"That story you told me earlier about your mother and the woman in the
garden I really don't find so remarkable. Not only have I heard and experienced
many stories of this kind, I have even taken part in some. The whole thing is
perfectly natural. Do you really mean to suggest that had I been on that
balcony in the summer, I could not have asked the same question and given the
same answer from the garden? Quite an ordinary occurrence!"
After I had said this, he seemed
relieved at last. He told me I was well dressed and that he very much liked my
tie. And what a fine complexion I had. And that confessions became most
comprehensible when they were retracted.
c The
Supplicant's Story
Then he sat down beside me, for I
had grown timid and, bending my head to one side, had made room for him.
Nevertheless, it didn't escape my notice that he too was sitting there rather
embarrassed, trying to keep some distance from me and speaking with difficulty:
"Oh, what dreadful days I have
to live through! Last night I was at a party. I was just bowing to a young lady
in the gaslight and saying: 'I'm so glad winter's approaching' -- I was just
bowing with these words when to my annoyance I noticed that my right thigh had
slipped out of joint. The kneecap had also become a little loose.
"So I sat down, and as I always
try to keep control over my sentences, I said: 'for winter's much less of an
effort; it's easier to comport oneself, one doesn't have to take so much
trouble with one's words. Don't you agree, Fräulein? I do hope I'm right about
this.' My right leg was now giving me a lot of trouble. At first it seemed to
have fallen apart completely, and only gradually did I manage to get it more or
less back into shape by manipulation and careful rearrangement.
"Then I heard the girl, who,
out of sympathy, had also sat down, say in a low voice: 'No, you don't impress
me at all because --'
" 'Just a moment,' I said,
pleased and full of expectation, 'you mustn't waste so much as five minutes
talking to me, dear Fräulein. Please eat something while you're talking, I
implore you.'
"And stretching out my arm I
took a large bunch of grapes hanging heavily from a bowl held up by a bronze
winged cupid, dangled it for a moment in the air, and then laid it on a small
blue plate which I handed to the girl, not without a certain elegance, I trust.
" 'You don't impress me at
all,' she said, 'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible, but that
alone doesn't make it true. What I really think, sir -- why do you always call
me dear Fräulein? -- is that you can't be bothered with the truth simply
because it's too tiring.'
"God, how good that made me
feel! 'Yes, Fräulein, Fräulein!' I almost shouted, 'how right you are! Dear
Fräulein, if you only knew what a wild joy it is to find oneself so well
understood -- and without having made any effort!'
" 'There's no doubt, sir, that
for you the truth is too tiring. Just look at yourself! The entire length of
you is cut out of tissue paper, yellow tissue paper, like a silhouette, and
when you walk one ought to hear you rustle. So one shouldn't get annoyed at
your attitude or opinion, for you can't help bending to whatever draft happens
to be in the room.'
"'I don't understand that.
True, several people are standing about here in this room. They lay their arms
on the backs of chairs or they lean against the piano or they raise a glass
tentatively to their mouths or they walk timidly into the next room, and having
knocked their right shoulders against a cupboard in the dark, they stand
breathing by the open window and think: There's Venus, the evening star. Yet
here I am, among them. If there is a connection, I don't understand it. But I
don't even know if there is a connection. -- And you see, dear Fräulein, of all
these people who behave so irresolutely, so absurdly as a result of their
confusion, I alone seem worthy of hearing the truth about myself. And to make
this truth more palatable you put it in a mocking way so that something concrete
remains, like the outer walls of a house whose interior has been gutted. The
eye is hardly obstructed; by day the clouds and sky can be seen through the
great window holes, and by night the stars. But the clouds are often hewn out
of gray stones, and the stars form unnatural constellations. -- How would it be
if in return I were to tell you that one day everyone wanting to live will look
like me -- cut out of tissue paper, like silhouettes, as you pointed out -- and
when they walk they will be heard to rustle? Not that they will be any
different from what they are now, but that is what they will look like. Even
you, dear Fräulein --'
"Then I noticed that the girl
was no longer sitting beside me. She must have left soon after her last words,
for now she was standing far away from me by a window, surrounded by three
young men who were talking and laughing out of high white collars.
"So I happily drank a glass of
wine and walked over to the pianist who, all alone and nodding to himself,
happened to be playing something sad. I bent carefully down to his ear so as
not to frighten him and whispered into the melody: 'Be so kind, sir, as to let
me play now, for I'm just beginning to feel happy.'
"Since he paid no attention to
me, I stood there for a while embarrassed, but then, overcoming my timidity, I
went from one guest to another, saying casually: 'Today I'm going to play the
piano. Yes.'
"Everyone seemed to know I
couldn't play, but they smiled in a friendly way, pleased by the welcome
interruption of their conversation. They paid proper attention to me only when
I said to the pianist in a very loud voice: 'Do me the favor, sir, of letting
me play now. After all, I'm just beginning to feel happy. A triumph is at
stake.'
"Although the pianist stopped, he
neither left his brown bench nor appeared to understand me. He sighed and
covered his face with his long fingers.
"I felt a trifle sorry for him
and was about to encourage him to continue playing when the hostess approached
with a group of people.
" 'That's a funny coincidence,'
they said and laughed aloud as though I were about to do something unnatural.
"The girl also joined them,
looked at me contemptuously, and said: 'Please, madame, do let him play.
Perhaps he wants to make some contribution to the entertainment. He ought to be
encouraged. Please let him.'
"Everyone laughed, obviously
thinking, as I did, that it was meant ironically. Only the pianist was silent.
Holding his head low, he stroked the wood of the bench with the forefinger of
his left hand, as though he were making designs in sand. I began to tremble,
and to hide it, thrust my hands into my trouser pockets. Nor could I speak
clearly any longer, for my whole face wanted to cry. Thus I had to choose the
words in such a way that the thought of my wanting to cry would appear
ludicrous to the listeners.
" 'Madame,' I said, 'I must
play now because --' As I had forgotten the reason I abruptly sat down at the
piano. And then I remembered again. The pianist stood up and stepped tactfully
over the bench, for I was blocking his way. 'Please turn out the light, I can
only play in the dark.' I straightened myself.
"At that moment two gentlemen
seized the bench and, whistling a song and rocking me to and fro, carried me
far away from the piano to the dining table.
"Everyone watched with approval
and the girl said: 'You see, madame, he played quite well. I knew he would. And
you were so worried.'
"I understood and thanked her
with a bow, which I carried out well.
"They poured me some lemonade and
a girl with red lips held my glass while I drank. The hostess offered me a
meringue on a silver salver and a girl in a pure white dress put the meringue
in my mouth. Another girl, voluptuous and with a mass of fair hair, held a
bunch of grapes over me, and all I had to do was pluck them off with my lips
while she gazed into my receding eyes.
"Since everyone was treating me
so well I was a little surprised that they were so unanimous in holding me back
when I tried to return to the piano.
" 'That's enough now,' said the
host, whom I had not noticed before. He went out and promptly returned with an
enormous top hat and a copper-brown overcoat with a flowery design. 'Here are
your things.'
"They weren't my things, of
course, but I didn't want to put him to the trouble of looking again. The host
helped me into the overcoat which fitted beautifully, clinging tightly to my
thin body. Bending over slowly, a lady with a kind face buttoned the coat all
the way down.
" 'Goodbye,' said the hostess,
'and come back soon. You know you're always welcome.' Whereupon everyone bowed
as though they thought it necessary. I tried to do likewise, but my coat was
too tight. So I took my hat and, no doubt awkwardly, walked out of the room.
"But as I passed through the
front door with short steps I was assaulted from the sky by moon and stars and
a great vaulted expanse, and from the Ringplatz by the Town Hall, the Virgin's
pillar, the church.
"I walked calmly from the
shadow into the moonlight, unbuttoned my overcoat, and warmed myself; then I
put a stop to the humming of the night by raising my hands, and began to
reflect as follows:
" 'What is it that makes you
all behave as though you were real? Are you trying to make me believe I'm
unreal, standing here absurdly on the green pavement? You, sky, surely it's a
long time since you've been real, and as for you, Ringplatz, you never have
been real.
"'It's true, you're all still
superior to me, but only when I leave you alone.
" 'Thank God, moon, you are no
longer moon, but perhaps it's negligent of me to go on calling you so-called
moon, moon. Why do your spirits fall when I call you "forgotten paper
lantern of a strange color"? And why do you almost withdraw when I call
you "the Virgin's pillar"? As for you, pillar of the Virgin Mary, I
hardly recognize your threatening attitude when I call you "moon shedding
yellow light."
" 'It really seems to me that
thinking about you doesn't do you any good; you lose in courage and health.
" 'God, how much more
profitable it would be if the Thinker could learn from the Drunk!
" 'Why has everything become so
quiet? I think the wind has dropped. And the small houses which often used to
roll across the square as though on little wheels are rooted to the spot --
calm -- calm -- one can't even see the thin black line that used to separate
them from the ground.'
"And I started to run. I ran
unimpeded three times around the great square, and as I didn't meet a drunk I
ran on toward the Karlsgasse without slowing down and without any effort. My
shadow, often smaller than myself, ran beside me along the wall as though in a
gorge between the wall and the street level.
"As I passed the fire station I
heard a noise coming from the Kleiner Ring, and as I turned into it I saw a
drunk standing by the iron railing of the fountain, his arms held out sideways
and his feet in wooden shoes stamping the ground.
"Stopping to get my breath, I
went up to him, raised my top hat, and introduced myself:
" 'Good evening, gentle
nobleman, I am twenty-three years of age, but as yet I have no name. But you,
no doubt, hail from the great city of Paris -- bearing extraordinary, well-nigh
singable names. You are surrounded by the quite unnatural odor of the dissolute
Court of France. No doubt your tinted eyes have beheld those great ladies
standing on the high shining terrace, ironically twisting their narrow waists
while the ends of their decorated trains, spread over the steps, are still
lying on the sand in the garden. -- And surely, menservants in daringly cut gray
tailcoats and white knee breeches climb tall poles, their legs hugging them but
their torsos frequently bent back and to the side, for they have to raise
enormous gray linen sheets off the ground with thick ropes and spread them in
the air, because the great lady has expressed the wish for a misty morning.'
"When he belched I felt almost
frightened. 'Is it really true, sir,' I said, 'that you hail from our Paris,
from that tempestuous Paris -- ah, from that luxuriant hailstorm?'
"When he belched again, I said
with embarrassment: 'I know, a great honor is being bestowed upon me.'
"And with nimble fingers I
buttoned up my overcoat; then with ardor and yet timidly I said: 'I know you do
not consider me worthy of an answer, but if I did not ask you today my life
would be spent in weeping. I ask you, much-bespangled sir, is it true what I
have been told? Are there people in Paris who consist only of sumptuous
dresses, and are there houses that are only portals, and is it true that on
summer days the sky over the city is a fleeting blue embellished only by little
white clouds glued onto it, all in the shape of hearts? And have they a highly
popular panopticon there containing nothing but trees to which small plaques
are fastened bearing the names of the most famous heroes, criminals, and
lovers?
" 'And then this other piece of
news! This clearly fabricated news! These Paris streets, for instance, they
suddenly branch off, don't they? They're turbulent, aren't they? Things are not
always as they should be, how could they be, after all? Sometimes there's an
accident, people gather together from the side streets with that urban stride
that hardly touches the pavement; they are all filled with curiosity, but also
with fear of disappointment; they breathe fast and stretch out their little
heads. But when they touch one another they bow low and apologize: "I'm
awfully sorry -- I didn't mean it -- there's such a crowd; forgive me, I beg
you -- it was most clumsy of me, I admit. My name is -- my name's Jerome Faroche,
I'm a grocer in the rue de Cabotin -- allow me to invite you to lunch tomorrow
-- my wife would also be delighted."
" 'So they go on talking while
the street lies numb and the smoke from the chimneys falls between the houses.
That's how it is. But it might happen that two carriages stop on a
crowded boulevard of a distinguished neighborhood. Serious-looking menservants
open the doors. Eight elegant Siberian wolfhounds come prancing out and jump
barking across the boulevard. And it's said that they are young Parisian
dandies in disguise.'
"His eyes were almost shut.
When I fell silent, he stuck both hands in his mouth and tore at his lower jaw.
His clothes were covered with dirt. Perhaps he had been thrown out of some
tavern and hadn't yet realized it.
"Perhaps it was that short
quiet lull between night and day when our heads loll back unexpectedly, when
everything stands still without our knowing it, since we are not looking at it,
and then disappears; we remain alone, our bodies bent, then look around but no
longer see anything, nor even feel any resistance in the air yet inwardly we
cling to the memory that at a certain distance from us stand houses with roofs
and with fortunately angular chimneys down which the darkness flows through
garrets into various rooms. And it is fortunate that tomorrow will be a day on
which, unlikely as it may seem, one will be able to see everything.
"Now the drunk jerked up his
eyebrows so that a brightness appeared between them and his eyes, and he
explained in fits and starts: 'It's like this, you see -- I'm sleepy, you see,
so that's why I'm going to sleep. -- You see, I've a brother-in-law on the
Wenzelsplatz -- that's where I'm going, for I live there, for that's where I
have my bed -- so I'll be off --. But I don't know his name, you see, or where
he lives -- seems I've forgotten -- but never mind, for I don't even know if I
have a brother-in-law at all. -- But I'll be off now, you see --. Do you think
I'll find him?'
"To which, without thinking, I
said: 'That's certain. But you're coming from abroad and your servants don't
happen to be with you. Allow me to show you the way.'
"He didn't answer. So I offered
him my arm, to give him some support."
d Continued
Conversation Between
the Fat Man and the Supplicant
For some time already I had been
trying to cheer myself up. I rubbed my body and said to myself: "It's time
you spoke. You're becoming embarrassed. Do you feel oppressed? Just wait! You
know these situations. Think it over at your leisure. Even the landscape will
wait.
"It's the same as it was at the
party last week. Someone is reading aloud from a manuscript. At his request I
myself have copied one page. When I see my handwriting among the pages written
by him, I take fright. It's without any stability. People are bending over it
from three sides of the table. In tears, I swear it's not my handwriting."
"But what is the connection
with today? It's entirely up to you to start a sensible conversation.
Everything's peaceful. Just make an effort, my friend! -- You surely can find
an objection. -- You can say: 'I'm sleepy. I've a headache. Goodbye.' Quick
then, quick! Make yourself conspicuous! -- What's that? Again obstacles and
more obstacles? What does it remind you of? -- I remember a high plateau which
rose against the wide sky as a shield to the earth. I saw it from a mountain
and prepared myself to wander through it. I began to sing."
My lips were dry and disobedient as
I said: "Ought it not to be possible to live differently?"
"No," he said, questioning,
smiling.
"But why do you pray in church
every evening?" I asked then, while everything between him and me, which
until then I had been holding together, as though in my sleep, collapsed.
"Oh, why should we talk about
it? People who live alone have no responsibility in the evenings. One fears a
number of things -- that one's body could vanish, that human beings may really
be what they appear to be at twilight, that one might not be allowed to walk
without a stick, that it might be a good idea to go to church and pray at the
top of one's voice in order to be looked at and acquire a body."
Because he talked like that and then
fell silent, I pulled my red handkerchief out of my pocket, bent my head, and
wept.
He stood up, kissed me, and said:
"What are you crying for? You're tall, I like that; you have long hands
which all but obey your will; why aren't you happy about it? Always wear dark
cuffs, that's my advice. -- No -- I flatter you and yet you cry? I think you
cope quite sensibly with the difficulty of living."
"We build useless war machines,
towers, walls, curtains of silk, and we could marvel at all this a great deal
if we had the time. We tremble in the balance, we don't fall, we flutter, even
though we may be uglier than bats. And on a beautiful day hardly anyone can
prevent us from saying: 'Oh God, today is a beautiful day,' for we are already
established on this earth and live by virtue of an agreement.
"For we are like tree trunks in
the snow. They lie there apparently flat on the ground and it looks as though
one could push them away with a slight kick. But no, one can't, for they are
firmly stuck to the ground. So you see even this is only apparent."
The following thought prevented me
from sobbing: "It is night and no one will reproach me tomorrow for what I
might say now, for it could have been said in my sleep."
Then I said: "Yes, that's it,
but what were we talking about? We can't have been talking about the light in
the sky because we are standing in the darkness of a hallway. No -- we could
have talked about it, nevertheless, for are we not free to say what we like in
conversation? After all, we're not aiming at any definite purpose or at the
truth, but simply at making jokes and having a good time. Even so, couldn't you
tell me the story of the woman in the garden once more? How admirable, how
clever this woman is! We must follow her example. How fond I am of her! So it's
a good thing I met you and waylaid you as I did. It has given me great pleasure
to talk to you. I've learned several things that, perhaps intentionally, were
hitherto unknown to me. -- I'm grateful."
He looked pleased. And although
contact with a human body is always repugnant to me, I couldn't help embracing
him.
Then we stepped out of the hallway
under the sky. My friend blew away a few bruised little clouds, allowing the
uninterrupted surface of the stars to emerge. He walked with difficulty.
iv Drowning of the Fat Man
And now everything was seized by
speed and fell into the distance. The water of the river was dragged toward a
precipice, tried to resist, whirled about a little at the crumbling edge, but
then crashed in foaming smoke.
The fat man could not go on talking,
he was forced to turn and disappear in the loud roar of the waterfall.
I, who had experienced so many
pleasant diversions, stood on the bank and watched. "What are our lungs
supposed to do?" I shouted. Shouted: "If they breathe fast they
suffocate themselves from inner poisons; if they breathe slowly they suffocate
from unbreathable air, from outraged things. But if they try to search for
their own rhythm they perish from the mere search."
Meanwhile the banks of the river
stretched beyond all bounds, and yet with the palm of my hand I touched the
metal of a signpost which gleamed minutely in the far distance. This I really
couldn't quite understand. After all I was small, almost smaller than usual,
and a bush of white hips shaking itself very fast towered over me. This I saw,
for a moment ago it had been close to me.
Nevertheless I was mistaken, for my
arms were as huge as the clouds of a steady country rain, save that they were
more hasty. I don't know why they were trying to crush my poor head. It was no
larger than an ant's egg, but slightly damaged, and as a result no longer quite
round. I made some beseeching, twisting movements with it, for the expression
of my eyes could not have noticed, they were so small.
But my legs, my impossible legs lay
over the wooded mountains and gave shade to the village-studded valleys. They
grew and grew! They already reached into the space that no longer owned any
landscape, for some time their length had gone beyond my field of vision.
But no, it isn't like that -- after
all, I'm small, small for the time being -- I'm rolling -- I'm rolling -- I'm
an avalanche in the mountains! Please, passers-by, be so kind as to tell me how
tall I am -- just measure these arms, these legs.
III
"Let me think," said my
acquaintance, who had accompanied me from the party and was walking quietly
beside me on a path up the Laurenziberg. "Just stand still a moment so
that I can get it clear. -- I have something to settle, you know. It's all such
a strain -- the night is radiant, though rather cold, but this discontented
wind, it sometimes even seems to change the position of those acacias."
The moon made the gardener's house
cast a shadow over the slightly humped path on which lay scanty patches of
snow. When I saw the bench that stood beside the door, I pointed at it with a
raised finger, and as I was not brave and expected reproaches I laid my left
hand on my chest.
He sat down wearily, disregarding
his beautiful clothes, and astonished me by pressing his elbows against his
hips and laying his forehead on the tips of his overstretched fingers.
"Yes, now I want to say this.
You know, I live a regular life. No fault can be found with it, everything I do
is considered correct and generally approved. Misfortune, as it is known in the
society I frequent, has not spared me, as my surroundings and I have realized
with satisfaction, and even the general good fortune has not failed me and I
myself have been able to talk about it in a small circle of friends. True,
until now I had never been really in love. I regretted it occasionally, but
used the phrase when I needed it. And now I must confess: Yes, I am in love and
quite beside myself with excitement. I am an ardent lover, just what the girls
dream of. But ought I not to have considered that just this former lack of mine
gave an exceptional and gay, an especially gay, twist to my
circumstances?"
"Calm yourself," I said
without interest, thinking only of myself. "Your loved one is beautiful,
as I couldn't help hearing."
"Yes, she is beautiful. While
sitting next to her, all I could think was: What an adventure -- am I not
daring! -- there I go embarking on a sea voyage -- drinking wine by the gallon.
But when she laughs she doesn't show her teeth as one would expect; instead,
all one sees is the dark, narrow, curved opening of the mouth. Now this looks
sly and senile, even though she throws back her head while laughing."
"I can't deny that," I
said, sighing. "I've probably seen it, too, for it must be conspicuous.
But it's not only that. It's the beauty of girls altogether. Often when I see
dresses with manifold pleats, frills, and flounces smoothly clinging to
beautiful bodies, it occurs to me that they will not remain like this for long,
that they will get creases that cannot be ironed out, dust will gather in the
trimmings too thick to be removed, and that no one will make herself so
miserable and ridiculous as every day to put on the same precious dress in the
morning and take it off at night. And yet I see girls who are beautiful enough,
displaying all kinds of attractive muscles and little bones and smooth skin and
masses of fine hair, and who appear every day in the same natural fancy dress,
always laying the same face in the same palm and letting it be reflected in the
mirror. Only sometimes at night, on returning late from a party, this face
stares out at them from the mirror worn out, swollen, already seen by too many
people, hardly worth wearing any more."
"I've asked you several times
on our walk whether you found my girl beautiful, but you always turned away
without answering. Tell me, are you up to some mischief? Why don't you comfort
me?"
I dug my feet into the shadow and
said kindly: "You don't need to be comforted. After all, you're being
loved." To avoid catching cold I held over my mouth a handkerchief with a
design of blue grapes.
Now he turned toward me and leaned
his fat face against the low back of the bench: "Actually I've still time,
you know. I can still end this budding love affair at once, either by
committing some misdeed, by unfaithfulness, or by going off to some distant
land. For I've grave doubts about whether I should let myself in for all this
excitement. Nothing is certain, no one can tell the direction or the duration
for sure. If I go into a tavern with the intention of getting drunk, I know
I'll be drunk that evening. But in this case! In a week's time we're planning
to go on an excursion with some friends. Imagine the storm this will create in
the heart for the next fortnight! Last night's kisses make me sleepy and
prepare the way for savage dreams. I fight this by going for a walk at night,
with the result that I'm in a permanent state of turmoil, my face goes hot and
cold as though blown about by the wind, I have to keep fingering a pink ribbon
in my pocket all the time, I'm filled with the gravest apprehensions about
myself which I cannot follow up, and I can even stand your company, sir,
wheareas normally I would never spend so much time talking to you."
I was feeling very cold and the sky
was already turning a whitish color. "I'm afraid no misdeed, no
unfaithfulness or departure to some distant land will be of any avail. You'll
have to kill yourself," I said, adding a smile.
Opposite us on the other side of the
avenue stood two bushes and down below these bushes was the town. There were
still a few lights on.
"All right," he cried, and
hit the bench with his little tight fist which, however, he left lying there.
"But you go on living. You don't kill yourself. No one loves you. You
don't achieve anything. You can't cope with the next moment. Yet you dare to
talk to me like that, you brute. You're incapable of loving, only fear excites
you. Just take a look at my chest."
Whereupon he quickly opened his
overcoat and waistcoat and his shirt. His chest was indeed broad and beautiful.
"Yes, such obstinate moods come
over one sometimes," I began to say. "This summer I was in a village
which lay by a river. I remember it well. I frequently sat on a bench by the
shore in a twisted position. There was a hotel, and one often heard the sound
of violins. Young healthy people sat in the garden at tables with beer and
talked of hunting and adventures. And on the other shore were cloudlike
mountains."
Then, with a limp, distorted mouth,
I got up, stepped onto the lawn behind the bench, broke a few snow-covered
twigs, and whispered into my acquaintance's ear: "I'm engaged, I confess
it."
My acquaintance wasn't surprised
that I had got up. "You're engaged?" He sat there really quite
exhausted, supported only by the back of the bench. Then he took off his hat
and I saw his hair which, scented and beautifully combed, set off the round
head on a fleshy neck in a sharp curving line, as was the fashion that winter.
I was pleased to have answered him
so cleverly. "Just think," I said to myself, "how he moves in
society with flexible neck and free-swinging arms. Keeping up an intelligent
conversation, he can steer a lady right through a drawing room, and the fact
that it's raining outside, that some timid man is standing about or some other
wretched thing is happening, does not make him nervous. No, he goes on bowing
with the same courtesy to the ladies. And there he sits now."
My acquaintance mopped his brow with
a batiste handkerchief. "Please put your hand on my forehead," he
said. "I beg you." When I didn't do so at once, he folded his hands.
As though our sorrow had darkened
everything, we sat high up on the mountain as in a small room, although a
little earlier we had already noticed the light and the wind of the morning. We
sat close together in spite of not liking one another at all, but we couldn't
move far apart because the walls were firmly and definitely drawn. We could,
however, behave absurdly and without human dignity, for we didn't have to be
ashamed in the presence of the branches above us and the trees standing
opposite us.
Then, without further ado, my
acquaintance pulled a knife out of his pocket, opened it thoughtfully, and
then, as though he were playing, he plunged it into his left upper arm, and
didn't withdraw it. Blood promptly began to flow. His round cheeks grew pale. I
pulled out the knife, cut up the sleeve of his overcoat and jacket, tore his
shirt sleeve open. Then I ran a little way up and down the road to see if there
was anyone who could help. All the branches were almost exaggeratedly visible
and motionless. I sucked a little at the deep wound. Then I remembered the
gardener's cottage. I ran up the steps leading to the upper lawn on the left
side of the house, quickly examined the windows and doors, rang the bell
furiously, and stamped my feet, although I knew all the time that the house was
uninhabited. Then I looked at the wound which was bleeding in a thin trickle.
Having wetted his handkerchief in snow, I tied it clumsily around his arm.
"My dear, dear friend,"
said I, "you've wounded yourself for my sake. You're in such a good
position, you're surrounded by well-meaning friends, you can go for a walk in
broad daylight when any number of carefully dressed people can be seen far and
near among tables or on mountain paths. Just think, in the spring we'll drive
into the orchard -- no, not we, that's unfortunately true -- but you with your
Annie will drive out at a happy trot. Oh yes, believe me, I beg you, and the
sun will show you off to everyone at your best. Oh, there'll be music, the
sound of horses from afar, no need to worry, there'll be shouting and barrel
organs will be playing in the avenues."
"Oh God," he said, stood
up, leaned on me and we went on, "oh God, that won't help. That won't make
me happy. Excuse me. Is it late? Perhaps I ought to do something in the
morning. Oh God."
A lantern was burning close to the
wall above; it threw the shadows of the tree trunks across the road and the
white snow, while on the slope the shadows of all the branches lay bent, as
though broken.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
Wedding
Preparations in the Country
I
When
Eduard Raban, coming along the passage, walked into the open doorway, he
saw that it was raining. It was not raining much.
On the pavement straight in front of
him there were many people walking in various rhythms. Every now and again one
would step forward and cross the road. A little girl was holding a tired puppy
in her outstretched hands. Two gentlemen were exchanging information. The one
held his hands palm-upward, raising and lowering them in regular motion, as
though he were balancing a load. Then one caught sight of a lady whose hat was
heavily laden with ribbons, buckles, and flowers. And hurrying past was a young
man with a thin walking stick, his left hand, as though paralyzed, flat on his
chest. Now and then there came men who were smoking, bearing small upright
elongated clouds along ahead of them. Three gentlemen -- two holding
lightweight overcoats on their crooked forearms -- several times walked forward
from the front of the buildings to the edge of the pavement, surveyed what was
going on there, and then withdrew again, talking.
Through the gaps between the
passers-by one could see the regularly laid stones of the carriageway. There
carriages on delicate high wheels were drawn along by horses with arched necks.
The people who sat at ease on the upholstered seats gazed silently at the
pedestrians, the shops, the balconies, and the sky. If it happened that one
carriage overtook another, then the horses would press against each other, and
the harness straps hung dangling. The animals tugged at the shafts, the
carriage bowled along, swaying as it gathered speed, until the swerve around
the carriage ahead was completed and the horses moved apart again, only their
narrow quiet heads inclined toward each other.
Some people came quickly toward the
front entrance, stopped on the dry mosaic paving, and, turning around slowly,
stood gazing out into the rain, which, wedged in by this narrow street, fell
confusedly.
Raban felt tired. His lips were as
pale as the faded red of his thick tie, which had a Moorish pattern. The lady
by the doorsteps over there, who had up to now been contemplating her shoes,
which were quite visible under her tightly drawn skirt, now looked at him. She
did so indifferently, and she was perhaps, in any case, only looking at the
falling rain in front of him or at the small nameplates of firms that were
fixed to the door over his head. Raban thought she looked amazed.
"Well," he thought, "if I could tell her the whole story, she
would cease to be astonished. One works so feverishly at the office that
afterwards one is too tired even to enjoy one's holidays properly. But even all
that work does not give one a claim to be treated lovingly by everyone; on the
contrary, one is alone, a total stranger and only an object of curiosity. And
so long as you say 'one' instead of 'I,' there's nothing in it and one can
easily tell the story; but as soon as you admit to yourself that it is you
yourself, you feel as though transfixed and are horrified."
He put down the suitcase with the
checkered cloth cover, bending his knees in doing so. The rain water was
already running along the edge of the carriageway in streaks that almost
extended to the lower-lying gutters.
"But if I myself distinguish
between 'one' and 'I,' how then dare I complain about the others? Probably
they're not unjust, but I'm too tired to take it all in. I'm even too tired to
walk all the way to the station without an effort, and it's only a short
distance. So why don't I remain in town over these short holidays, in order to
recuperate? How unreasonable I'm being! -- The journey will make me ill, I know
that quite well. My room won't be comfortable enough, it can't be otherwise in
the country. And we're hardly in the first half of June, the air in the country
is often still very cool. Of course, I've taken precautions in my clothing, but
I shall have to join with people who go for walks late in the evening. There
are ponds there; one will go for a walk the length of those ponds. That is
where I'm sure to catch cold. On the other hand, I shall make but little
showing in conversation. I shan't be able to compare the pond with other ponds
in some remote country, for I've never traveled, and talking about the moon and
feeling bliss and rapturously climbing up on heaps of rubble is, after all,
something I'm too old to do without being laughed to scorn."
People were going past with slightly
bent heads, above which they carried their dark umbrellas in a loose grip. A
dray also went by; on the driver's seat, which was stuffed with straw, sat a
man whose legs were stretched out so negligently that one foot was almost
touching the ground, while the other rested safely on straw and rags. It looked
as though he were sitting in a field in fine weather. Yet he was holding the
reins attentively so that the dray, on which iron bars were clanging against
one another, made its way safely through the dense traffic. On the wet surface
of the road one could see the reflection of the iron meanderingly and slowly
gliding from one row of cobbles to the next. The little boy beside the lady
opposite was dressed like an old vintner. His pleated dress formed a great
circle at the hem and was only held in, almost under the very armpits, by a
leather strap. His hemispherical cap came down to his eyebrows, and a tassel
hung down from the top as far as his left ear. He was pleased by the rain. He
ran out of the doorway and looked up wide-eyed into the sky in order to catch
more of the rain. Often he jumped high into the air so that the water splashed
a great deal and passers-by admonished him severely. Then the lady called him
and henceforth held him by the hand; yet he did not cry.
Raban started. Had it not grown
late? Since he wore his topcoat and jacket open, he quickly pulled out his
watch. It was not going. Irritably he asked a neighbor, who was standing a
little farther back in the entrance, what the time was. This man was in
conversation, and while still laughing together with his companion, said:
"Certainly. Past four o'clock," and turned away.
Raban quickly put up his umbrella
and picked up his suitcase. But when he was about to step into the street, his
way was blocked by several women in a hurry and these he therefore let pass
first. In doing so he looked down on a little girl's hat, which was made of
plaited red straw and had a little green wreath on the wavy brim.
He went on remembering this even
when he was in the street, which went slightly uphill in the direction he
wished to follow. Then he forgot it, for now he had to exert himself a little;
his small suitcase was none too light, and the wind was blowing straight against
him, making his coat flutter and bending the front spokes of his umbrella.
He had to breathe more deeply. A
clock in a nearby square down below struck a quarter to five; under the
umbrella he saw the light short steps of the people coming toward him; carriage
wheels squeaked with the brakes on, turning more slowly; the horses stretched
their thin forelegs, daring as chamois in the mountains.
Then it seemed to Raban that he
would get through the long bad time of the next fortnight, too. For it was only
a fortnight, that was to say, a limited period, and even if the annoyances grew
ever greater, still, the time during which one had to endure them would be
growing shorter and shorter. Thus, undoubtedly courage would increase.
"All the people who try to torment me, and who have now occupied the
entire space around me, will quite gradually be thrust back by the beneficent
passage of these days, without my having to help them even in the very least.
And, as it will come about quite naturally, I can be weak and quiet and let
everything happen to me, and yet everything must turn out well, through the
sheer fact of the passing of the days.
"And besides, can't I do it the
way I always used to as a child in matters that were dangerous? I don't even
need to go to the country myself, it isn't necessary. I'll send my clothed
body. If it staggers out of the door of my room, the staggering will indicate
not fear but its nothingness. Nor is it a sign of excitement if it stumbles on
the stairs, if it travels into the country, sobbing as it goes, and there eats
its supper in tears. For I myself am meanwhile lying in my bed, smoothly
covered over with the yellow-brown blanket, exposed to the breeze that is
wafted through that seldom-aired room. The carriages and people in the street
move and walk hesitantly on shining ground, for I am still dreaming. Coachmen
and pedestrians are shy, and every step they want to advance they ask as a
favor from me, by looking at me. I encourage them and encounter no obstacle.
"As I lie in bed I assume the
shape of a big beetle, a stag beetle or a cockchafer, I think."
In front of a shopwindow, in which,
behind a wet glass pane, little hats for men were displayed on small pegs, he
stopped and looked in, his lips pursed. "Well, my hat will still do for
the holidays," he thought and walked on, "and if nobody can stand me
because of my hat, then all the better.
"The form of a large beetle,
yes. Then I would pretend it was a matter of hibernating, and I would press my
little legs to my bulging belly. And I would whisper a few words, instructions
to my sad body, which stands close beside me, bent. Soon I shall have done --
it bows, it goes swiftly, and it will manage everything efficiently while I
rest."
He came to a domed arch at the top
of the steep street, leading onto a small square all around which there were
many shops, already lit up. In the middle of the square, somewhat obscured by
the light around the edge, was a low monument, the seated meditative figure of
a man. The people moved across the lights like narrow shutters, and since the
puddles spread all the brilliance far and wide, the square seemed ceaselessly
changing.
Raban pressed far on into the
square, but jerkily, dodging the drifting carriages, jumping from one dry
cobble to further dry cobbles, and holding the open umbrella high in his hand
in order to see everything all around. Finally, by a lamppost -- a place where
the electric tram stopped -- which was set up on a small square concrete base,
he halted.
"But they're expecting me in
the country. Won't they be wondering about me by this time? Still, I haven't
written to her all the week she's been in the country, until this morning. So
they'll end up by imagining that even my appearance is quite different. They
may be thinking that I burst forward when I address a person, yet that isn't my
way at all, or that I embrace people when I arrive, and that's something I
don't do either. I shall make them angry if I try to pacify them. Oh, if I
could only make them thoroughly angry in the attempt to pacify them."
At that moment an open carriage
drove past, not quickly; behind its two lighted lamps two ladies could be seen
sitting on dark leather seats. One was leaning back, her face hidden by a veil
and the shadow of her hat. But the other lady was sitting bolt upright; her hat
was small, it was edged with thin feathers. Everyone could see her. Her lower
lip was drawn slightly into her mouth.
As soon as the carriage had passed
Raban, some bar blocked the view of the near horse drawing the carriage; then
some coachman -- wearing a big top hat -- on an unusually high box was moved
across in front of the ladies -- this was now much farther on -- then their
carriage drove around the corner of a small house that now became strikingly
noticeable, and disappeared from sight.
Raban followed it with his gaze, his
head lowered, resting the handle of his umbrella on his shoulder in order to
see better. He had put his right thumb into his mouth and was rubbing his teeth
on it. His suitcase lay beside him, one of its sides on the ground.
Carriages hastened from street to
street across the square, the horses' bodies flew along horizontally as though
they were being flung through the air, but the nodding of the head and the neck
revealed the rhythm and effort of the movement.
Around about, on the edges of the
pavements of all the three streets converging here, there were many idlers
standing about, tapping the cobbles with little sticks. Among the groups they
formed there were little towers in which girls were pouring out lemonade, then
heavy street clocks on thin bars, then men wearing before and behind them big
placards announcing entertainments in multicolored letters, then messengers. .
. [Two pages missing]. . . a little social gathering. Two elegant private
carriages, driving diagonally across the square into the street leading
downhill, got in the way of some gentlemen from this party, but after the
second carriage -- even after the first they had timidly tried to do so --
these gentlemen formed into a group again with the others, with whom they then
stepped onto the pavement in a long cavalcade and pushed their way through the
door of a café, overwhelmed
by the light of the incandescent lamps hanging over the entrance.
Electric tramcars moved past, huge
and very close; others, vaguely visible, stood motionless far away in the
streets.
"How bent she is," Raban
thought when he looked at the photograph now. "She's never really upright
and perhaps her back is round. I shall have to pay much attention to this. And
her mouth is so wide, and here, beyond doubt, the lower lip protrudes, yes, now
I remember that too. And what a dress! Of course, I don't know anything about
clothes, but these very tight-sewn sleeves are ugly, I am sure, they look like
bandages. And the hat, the brim at every point turned up from the face in a
different curve. But her eyes are beautiful, they're brown, if I'm not
mistaken. Everyone says her eyes are beautiful."
Now an electric tramcar stopped in
front of Raban and many people around him pushed toward the steps, with
slightly open, pointed umbrellas, which they held upright with their hands
pressed to their shoulders. Raban, who was holding his suitcase under his arm,
was dragged off the pavement and stepped hard into an unseen puddle. Inside the
tram a child knelt on a seat, pressing the tips of all its fingers to its lips
as though it were saying goodbye to someone going away. Some passengers got out
and had to walk a few paces along the tram in order to work their way out of the
crowd. Then a lady climbed onto the first step, her long skirt, which she
hitched up with both hands, stretched tightly around her legs. A gentleman held
on to a brass rod and, with lifted head, recounted something to the lady. All
the people who wanted to get in were impatient. The conductor shouted.
Raban, who now stood on the edge of
the waiting group, turned around, for someone had called out his name.
"Ah, Lement," he said
slowly and held out to a young man coming toward him the little finger of the
hand in which he was holding the umbrella.
"So this is the bridegroom on
his way to his bride. He looks frightfully in love," Lement said and then
smiled with his mouth shut.
"Yes, you must forgive my going
today," Raban said. "I wrote to you this afternoon, anyway. I should,
of course, have liked very much to travel with you tomorrow; but tomorrow is
Saturday, everything'll be so crowded, it's a long journey."
"Oh, that doesn't matter. You
did promise, but when one's in love. . . I shall just have to travel
alone." Lement had set one foot on the pavement and the other on the
cobbles, supporting his body now on one leg, now on the other. "You were
going to get into the tram. There it goes. Come, we'll walk, I'll go with you.
There's still plenty of time."
"Isn't it rather late, please
tell me?"
"It's no wonder you're nervous,
but you really have got plenty of time. I'm not so nervous, and that's why I've
missed Gillemann now."
"Gillemann? Won't he be staying
out there, too?"
"Yes, with his wife; it's next
week they mean to go, and that's just why I promised Gillemann I'd meet him
today when he leaves the office. He wanted to give me some instructions
regarding the furnishing of their house, that's why I was supposed to meet him.
But now somehow I'm late, I had some errands to do. And just as I was wondering
whether I shouldn't go to their apartment, I saw you, was at first astonished
at the suitcase, and spoke to you. But now the evening's too far gone for
paying calls, it's fairly impossible to go to Gillemann now."
"Of course. And so I shall meet
people I know there, after all. Not that I have ever seen Frau Gillemann,
though."
"And very beautiful she is.
She's fair, and pale now after her illness. She has the most beautiful eyes I've
ever seen."
"Do please tell me, what do
beautiful eyes look like? Is it the glance? I've never found eyes
beautiful."
"All right, perhaps I was
exaggerating slightly. Still, she's a pretty woman."
Through the windowpane of a
ground-floor café, close to
the window, gentlemen could be seen sitting, reading and eating, around a
three-sided table; one had lowered a newspaper to the table, held a little cup
raised, and was looking into the street out of the corners of his eyes. Beyond
these window tables all the furniture and equipment in the large restaurant
were hidden by the customers, who sat side by side in little circles. [Two
pages missing]. . . "As it happens, however, it's not such an unpleasant
business, is it? Many people would take on such a burden, I think."
They came into a fairly dark square,
which began on their side of the street, for the opposite side extended
farther. On the side of the square along which they were walking, there was an
uninterrupted row of houses, from the corners of which two -- at first widely
distant -- rows of houses extended into the indiscernible distance in which
they seemed to unite. The pavement was narrow by the houses, which were mostly
small; there were no shops to be seen, no carriage passed. An iron post near
the end of the street out of which they came had several lamps on it, which
were fixed in two rings hanging horizontally, one over the other. The
trapeze-shaped flame between conjoined sheets of glass burned in this towerlike
wide darkness as in a little room, letting darkness assert itself a few steps
farther on.
"But now I am sure it is too
late; you have kept it a secret from me, and I shall miss the train. Why?"
[Four pages missing]
. . . "Yes, at most
Pirkershofer -- well, for what he's worth."
"The name's mentioned, I think,
in Betty's letters, he's an assistant railway-clerk, isn't he?"
"Yes, an assistant
railway-clerk and an unpleasant person. You'll see I'm right as soon as you've
got a glimpse of that small thick nose. I tell you, walking through the dreary
fields with that fellow. . . Anyway, he's been transferred now and he goes away
from there, as I believe and hope, next week."
"Wait, you said just now you
advised me to stay here tonight. I've thought it over; it couldn't very well be
managed. I've written to say I'm coming this evening; they'll be expecting
me."
"That's quite easy, send a
telegram."
"Yes, that could be done -- but
it wouldn't be very nice if I didn't go -- and I'm tired, yes, I'll go all
right. If a telegram came, they'd get a fright, into the bargain. -- And what
for, where would we go, anyway?"
"Then it's really better for
you to go. I was only thinking. . . Anyway I couldn't go with you today, as I'm
sleepy, I forgot to tell you that. And now I shall say goodbye, for I don't
want to go through the wet park with you, as I should like to drop in at
Gillemann's, after all. It's a quarter to six, so not too late, after all, for
paying calls on people you know fairly well. Addio. Well, a good journey, and
remember me to everyone!"
Lement turned to the right and held
out his right hand to say goodbye, so that for a moment Raban was walking
against Lement's outstretched arm.
"Adieu." Raban said.
From a little distance Lement then
called back: "I say, Eduard, can you hear me? Do shut your umbrella; it
stopped raining ages ago. I didn't have a chance to tell you."
Raban did not answer, shut his
umbrella, and the sky closed over him in pallid darkness.
"If at least," Raban
thought, "I were to get into a wrong train. Then it would at any rate seem
to me that the whole enterprise had begun, and if later, after the mistake had
been cleared up, I were to arrive in this station again on my way back, then I
should certainly feel much better. If the scenery does turn out to be boring,
as Lement says, that need not be a disadvantage at all. One will spend more
time in the rooms and really never know for certain where all the others are,
for if there is a ruin in the district, there will probably be a walk all
together to that ruin; it will have been agreed upon some time before. Then,
however, one must look forward to it; for that very reason one mustn't miss it.
But if there is no such sight to be seen, then there will be no discussion
beforehand either, for all will be expected to get together quite easily if
suddenly, against all the usual practice, a larger expedition is considered
right, for one only has to send the maid into the others' apartments, where
they are sitting over a letter or books and are delighted by this news. Well, it
is not difficult to protect oneself against such invitations. And yet I don't
know whether I shall be able to, for it is not so easy as I imagine it now when
I am still alone and can still do everything, can still go back if I want to,
for I shall have no one there whom I could pay calls on whenever I like, and no
one with whom I could make more strenuous expeditions, no one there who could
show me how his crops are doing or show me a quarry he is working there. For
one isn't at all sure even of acquaintances of long standing. Wasn't Lement
nice to me today? -- he explained some things to me, didn't he, and described
everything as it will appear to me. He came up and spoke to me and then walked
with me, in spite of the fact that there was nothing he wanted to find out from
me and that he himself still had something else to do. But now all of a sudden
he has gone away, and yet I can't have offended him even with a single word. I
did refuse to spend the evening in town, but that was only natural, that can't have
offended him, for he is a sensible person."
The station clock struck, it was a
quarter to six. Raban stopped because he had palpitations, then he walked
quickly along the park pool, went along a narrow, badly lighted path between
large shrubs, rushed into an open place with many empty benches leaning against
little trees, then went more slowly through an opening in the railings into the
street, crossed it, leapt through the station entrance, after a while found the
booking office, and had to knock for a while on the iron shutter. Then the
booking clerk looked out, said it was really high time, took the bank note, and
slammed down on the counter the ticket he had been asked for and the change.
Now Raban tried to count his change quickly, thinking he ought to be getting
more, but a porter who was walking nearby hurried him through a glass door onto
the platform. There Raban looked around, while calling out "Thank you,
thank you!" to the porter, and since he found no guard, he climbed up the
steps of the nearest coach by himself, each time putting the suitcase on the
step above and then following himself, supporting himself on his umbrella with
one hand, and on the handle of the suitcase with the other. The coach that he
entered was brightly illuminated by the great amount of light from the main
hall of the station, in which it was standing; in front of many a windowpane --
all were shut right up to the top -- a hissing arc lamp hung at about eye
level, and the many raindrops on the glass were white, often single ones would
move. Raban could hear the noise from the platform even when he had shut the
carriage door and sat down on the last little free bit of a light-brown wooden
seat. He saw many people's backs, and the backs of their heads, and between
them the upturned faces of people on the seat opposite. In some places smoke
was curling from pipes and cigars, in one place drifting limply past the face
of a girl. Often the passengers would change places, discussing these changes
with each other, or they would transfer their luggage, which lay in a narrow
blue net over a seat, to another one. If a stick or the metal-covered corner of
a suitcase stuck out, then the owner would have his attention drawn to this. He
would go over and straighten it. Raban also bethought himself and pushed his
suitcase under his seat.
On his left, at the window, two
gentlemen were sitting opposite each other, talking about the price of goods.
"They're commercial travelers," Raban thought and, breathing
regularly, he gazed at them. "The merchant sends them into the country,
they obey, they travel by train, and in every village they go from shop to
shop. Sometimes they travel by carriage between the villages. They must not
stay long anywhere, for everything must be done fast, and they must always talk
only about their goods. With what pleasure, then, one can exert oneself in an
occupation that is so agreeable!"
The younger man had jerked a
notebook out of the hip pocket of his trousers, rapidly flicked the leaves over
with a forefinger moistened on his tongue, and then read through a page,
drawing the back of his fingernail down it as he went. He looked at Raban as he
glanced up and, indeed, when he now began talking about thread prices, did not
turn his face away from Raban, as one gazes steadily at a point in order not to
forget anything of what one wants to say. At the same time he drew his brows
tightly down over his eyes. He held the half-closed notebook in his left hand,
with his thumb on the page he had been reading, in order to be able to refer to
it easily if he should need to. And the notebook trembled, for he was not
supporting his arm on anything, and the coach, which was now in motion, beat on
the rails like a hammer.
The other traveler sat leaning back,
listening and nodding at regular intervals. It was evident that he was far from
agreeing with everything and later would give his own opinion.
Raban laid his curved hands
palm-down on his knees and, leaning forward, between the travelers' heads he
saw the window and through the window lights flitting past and others flitting
away into the distance. He did not understand anything of what the traveler was
talking about, nor would he understand the other's answer. Much preparation
would first be required, for here were people who had been concerned with goods
since their youth. But if one has held a spool of thread in one's hand so often
and handed it to one's customer so often, then one knows the price and can talk
about it, while villages come toward us and flash past, while at the same time
they turn away into the depths of the country, where for us they must
disappear. And yet these villages are inhabited, and there perhaps travelers go
from shop to shop.
In a corner at the far end of the
coach a tall man stood up, holding playing cards in his hand, and called out:
"I say, Marie, did you pack the
zephyr shirts?"
"Of course I did," said
the woman, who was sitting opposite Raban. She had been dozing, and now when
the question waked her she answered as though she were talking to herself or to
Raban. "You're going to market at Jungbunzlau, eh?" the vivacious
traveler asked her. "Jungbunzlau, that's right." "It's a big
market this time, isn't it?" "A big market, that's right." She
was sleepy, she rested her left elbow on a blue bundle, and her head dropped
heavily against her hand, which pressed through the flesh of the cheek to the
cheekbone. "How young she is," the traveler said.
Raban took the money that he had
received from the cashier out of his waistcoat pocket and counted it over. He
held up each coin firmly between thumb and forefinger for a long time and also
twisted it this way and that on the inner surface of his thumb with the tip of
his forefinger. He looked for a long time at the Emperor's image, then he was struck
by the laurel wreath and the way it was fastened with knots and bows of ribbon
at the back of the head. At last he found the sum was correct and put the money
into a big black purse. But now when he was about to say to the traveler:
"They're a married couple, don't you think?" the train stopped. The
noise of the journey ceased, guards shouted the name of a place, and Raban said
nothing.
The train started again so slowly
that one could picture the revolutions of the wheels, but a moment later it was
racing down a slope, and all unexpectedly the tall railings of a bridge,
outside the windows, were torn apart and pressed together, as it seemed.
Raban was now pleased that the train
was going so fast, for he would not have wanted to stay in the last place.
"When it is dark there, when one knows no one there, when it is such a
long way home. But then it must be terrible there by day. And is it different
at the next station or at the previous ones or at the later ones or at the
village I am going to?"
The traveler was suddenly talking
more loudly. "It's a long way yet," Raban thought. "Sir, you
know just as well as I do, these manufacturers send their travelers around the
most godforsaken little villages, they go crawling to the seediest of little
shopkeepers, and do you think they offer them prices different from those they
offer us big businessmen? Sir, take it from me; exactly the same prices, only
yesterday I saw it black on white. I call it villainy. They're squeezing us out
of existence; under current conditions it's simply impossible for us to do
business."
Again he looked at Raban; he was not
ashamed of the tears in his eyes; he pressed the knuckles of his left hand to
his mouth because his lips were quivering. Raban leaned back and tugged faintly
at his mustache with his left hand.
The shopwoman opposite woke up and
smilingly passed her hands over her forehead. The traveler talked more quietly.
Once again the woman shifted as though settling down to sleep, half lying on
her bundle, and sighed. The skirt was drawn tight over her right hip.
Behind her sat a gentleman with a
traveling cap on his head, reading a large newspaper. The girl opposite him,
who was probably a relative of his, urged him -- at the same time inclining her
head toward her right shoulder -- to open the window, because it was so very
hot. He said, without looking up, he would do it in a moment, only he must
first finish reading an article in the newspaper, and he showed her which
article he meant.
The shopwoman could not go to sleep again;
she sat upright and looked out of the window; then for a long time she looked
at the oil lamp and the flame burning yellow near the ceiling of the carriage.
Raban shut his eyes for a little while.
When he glanced up, the shopwoman
was just biting into a piece of cake that was spread with brown jam. The bundle
next to her was open. The traveler was smoking a cigar in silence and kept on
fidgeting as though he were tapping the ash off the end of it. The other was
poking about in the works of a pocket watch with the tip of a knife, so that
one could hear it scraping. With his eyes almost shut Raban still had time to
see, in a blurred way, the gentleman in the traveling cap pulling at the window
strap. There came a gust of cool air, and a straw hat fell from a hook. Raban
thought he was waking up and that was why his cheeks were so refreshed, or
someone was opening the door and drawing him into the room, or he was in some
way mistaken about things, and, breathing deeply, he quickly fell asleep.
II
The steps of the coach were still
shaking a little when Raban climbed down them. Into his face, coming out of the
air of the carriage, the rain beat, and he shut his eyes. It was raining
noisily on the corrugated iron roof of the station building, but out in the
open country the rain fell in such a way that it sounded like the uninterrupted
blowing of the wind. A barefoot boy came running up -- Raban did not see from
where -- and breathlessly asked Raban to let him carry the suitcase, for it was
raining; but Raban said: Yes, it was raining, and he would therefore go by
omnibus. He did not need him, he said. Thereupon the boy pulled a face as
though he thought it grander to walk in the rain and have one's suitcase
carried than to go by bus, and instantly turned around and ran away. When Raban
wanted to call him, it was already too late.
There were two lighted lamps, and a
station official came out of a door. Without hesitation he walked through the
rain to the engine, stood there motionless with his arms folded, and waited
until the engine driver leaned over his rail and talked to him. A porter was
called, came, and was sent back again. At many of the windows in the train
there were passengers standing, and since what they had to look at was an
ordinary railway station their gaze was probably dim, the eyelids close
together, as though the train were in motion. A girl came hurrying along from
the road to the platform under a parasol with a flowered pattern; she set the
open parasol on the ground and sat down, pushing her legs apart so that her
skirt should dry better, and ran her fingertips over the tight-stretched skirt.
There were only two lamps alight; her face was indistinguishable. The porter
came past and complained that puddles were forming under the parasol; he held
his arms in a semicircle before him in order to demonstrate the size of these
puddles, and then moved his hands through the air, one after the other, like
fishes sinking into deeper water, in order to make it clear that traffic was
also being impeded by this parasol.
The train started, disappeared like
a long sliding door, and behind the poplars on the far side of the railway
track there was the landscape, so massive that it took away one's breath. Was
it a dark view through a gap or was it woods, was it a pool, or a house in
which the people were already asleep, was it a church steeple or a ravine
between the hills? Nobody must dare to go there, but who could restrain
himself?
And when Raban caught sight of the
official -- he was already at the step up to his office -- he ran in front of
him and stopped him: "Excuse me, please, is it far to the village? That's
where I want to go."
"No, a quarter of an hour, but
by bus -- as it's raining -- you'll be there in five minutes."
"It's raining. It's not a very
fine spring," Raban said. The official had put his right hand on his hip,
and through the triangle formed by the arm and the body Raban saw the girl, who
had now shut the parasol, on the seat where she sat.
"If one is going on one's
summer holidays now and is going to stay there, one can't but regret it.
Actually I thought I should be met." He glanced around to make it seem
plausible.
"You will miss the bus, I'm
afraid. It doesn't wait so long. Nothing to thank me for. That's the road,
between the hedges." The road outside the railway station was not lighted;
only from three ground-floor windows in the building there came a misty
glimmer, but it did not extend far. Raban walked on tiptoe through the mud and
shouted "Driver!" and "Hello there!" and "Omnibus!"
and "Here I am!" many times. But when he landed among scarcely
interrupted puddles on the dark side of the road, he had to tramp onwards with
his heels down, until suddenly a horse's moist muzzle touched his forehead.
There was the omnibus; he quickly
climbed into the empty compartment, sat down by the windowpane behind the
driver's box, and hunched his back into the corner, for he had done all that
was necessary. For if the driver is asleep, he will wake up toward morning; if
he is dead, then a new driver will come, or the innkeeper, and should that not
happen either, then passengers will come by the early morning train, people in
a hurry, making a noise. In any case one can be quiet, one may even draw the
curtains over the windows and wait for the jerk with which the vehicle must
start.
"Yes, after all I have already
accomplished, it is certain that tomorrow I shall get to Betty and to Mamma;
nobody can prevent that. Yet it is true, and was indeed to be foreseen, that my
letter will arrive only tomorrow, so that I might very well have remained in
town and spent an agreeable night at Elvy's, without having to be afraid of the
next day's work, the sort of thing that otherwise ruins every pleasure for me.
But look, I've got my feet wet."
He lit a stub of candle that he had
taken out of his waistcoat pocket and set it on the seat opposite. It was
bright enough, the darkness outside made it appear as though the omnibus had
black distempered walls and no glass in the windows. There was no need to think
that there were wheels under the floor and in front the horse between the
shafts. Raban rubbed his feet thoroughly on the seat, pulled on clean socks,
and sat up straight. Then he heard someone from the station shouting:
"Hi!" if there was anyone in the bus he might say so. "Yes, yes,
and he would like to start now, too," Raban answered, leaning out of the
door, which he had opened, holding on to the doorpost with his right hand, the
left hand held open, close to his mouth.
The rain gushed down the back of his
neck, inside his collar.
Wrapped in the canvas of two sacks
that had been cut up, the driver came over, the reflection of his stable
lantern jumping through the puddles at his feet. Irritably he began an
explanation: listen here, he said, he had been playing cards with Lebeda and
they had just been getting on fine when the train came. It would really have
been impossible for him to take a look outside then, still, he did not mean to
abuse anyone who did not understand that. Apart from that, this place here was
a filthy dump, and no half-measures, and it was hard to see what business a
gentleman like this could have here, and he would be getting there soon enough
anyway, so that he need not go and complain anywhere. Only just now Herr
Pirkershofer -- if you please, that's the junior assistant clerk -- had come in
and had said he thought a small fair man had been wanting to go by the omnibus.
Well, so he had at once come and asked, or hadn't he at once come and asked?
The lantern was attached to the end
of the shaft; the horse, having been shouted at in a muffled voice, began to
pull, and the water on top of the bus, now set stirring, dripped slowly through
a crack into the carriage.
The road was perhaps hilly; there
was surely mud flying up into the spokes; fans of puddle water formed, with a
rushing sound, behind the turning wheels; it was for the most part with loose
reins that the driver guided the dripping horse. -- Could not all this be used
as reproaches against Raban? Many puddles were unexpectedly lit up by the
lantern trembling on the shaft, and split up, in ripples, under the wheel. This
happened solely because Raban was traveling to his fiancée, to Betty, an oldish pretty girl. And
who, if one were going to speak of it at all, would appreciate what merits
Raban here had, even if it was only that he bore those reproaches, which
admittedly nobody could make openly. Of course he was doing it gladly. Betty
was his fiancée, he was fond of her, it would
be disgusting if she were to thank him for that as well, but all the same --
Without meaning to, he often bumped
his head on the panel against which he was leaning, then for a while he looked
up at the ceiling. Once his right hand slipped down from his thigh, where he
had been resting it. But his elbow remained in the angle between belly and leg.
The omnibus was now traveling
between houses; here and there the inside of the coach had a share of the light
from a room; there were some steps -- to see the first of them Raban would have
had to stand up -- built up to a church; outside a park gate there was a lamp
with a large flame burning in it, but a statue of a saint stood out in black
relief only because of the light from a draper's shop, and Raban saw his
candle, which had burnt down, the trickle of wax hanging motionless from the
seat.
When the bus stopped outside the
inn, and the rain could be heard loudly and -- probably there was a window open
-- so could the voices of the guests, Raban wondered which would be better, to
get out at once or to wait until the innkeeper came to the coach. What the
custom was in this township he did not know, but it was pretty certain that
Betty would have spoken of her fiancé, and according to whether his arrival here was magnificent
or feeble, so the esteem in which she was held here would increase or diminish,
and with that, again, his own, too. But of course he knew neither what people
felt about her nor what she had told them about him, and so everything was all
the more disagreeable and difficult. Oh, beautiful city and beautiful the way
home! If it rains there, one goes home by tram over wet cobbles; here one goes
in a cart through mud to an inn. -- "The city is far from here, and if I
were now in danger of dying of homesickness, nobody could get me back there
today. -- Well, anyway, I shouldn't die -- but there I get the meal expected
for that evening, set on the table, on the right behind my plate the newspaper,
on the left the lamp, here I shall be given some dreadfully fat dish -- they
don't know that I have a weak stomach, and even if they did know -- an
unfamiliar newspaper -- many people, whom I can already hear, will be there,
and one lamp will be lit for all. What sort of light can it provide? Enough to
play cards by -- but for reading a newspaper?
"The innkeeper isn't coming,
he's not interested in guests, he is probably an unfriendly man. Or does he
know that I am Betty's fiancé,
and does that give him a reason for not coming to fetch me in? It would be in
accord with that that the driver kept me waiting so long at the station. Betty
has often told me, after all, how much she has been bothered by lecherous men
and how she has had to rebuff their insistence; perhaps it is that here too. .
. !" [Text breaks off]
[Second Manuscript]
When Eduard Raban, coming along the
passage, walked into the open doorway, he could now see how it was raining. It
was not raining much.
On the pavement straight in front of
him, not higher, not lower, there were, in spite of the rain, many passers-by.
Every now and again one would step forward and cross the road.
A little girl was carrying a gray
dog on her outstretched arms. Two gentlemen were exchanging information on some
subject, at times turning the whole front of their bodies to each other, and
then slowly turning aside themselves again; it was like doors ajar in the wind.
The one held his hands palm-upward, raising and lowering them in regular
motion, as though he were balancing a load, testing the weight of it. Then one
caught sight of a slim lady whose face twitched slightly, like the flickering
light of the stars, and whose flat hat was loaded high and to the brim with
unrecognizable objects; she appeared to be a stranger to all the passers-by,
without intending it, as though by some law. And hurrying past was a young man
with a thin walking stick, his left hand, as though paralyzed, lying flat on
his chest. Many were out on business; in spite of the fact that they walked
fast, one saw them longer than others, now on the pavement, now below; their
coats fitted them badly; they did not care how they carried themselves; they
let themselves be pushed by the people and they pushed too. Three gentlemen --
two holding lightweight overcoats on their crooked forearms -- walked from the
front of the building to the edge of the pavement, in order to see what was
going on in the carriageway and on the farther pavement.
Through the gaps between the
passers-by, now fleetingly, then comfortably, one saw the regularly set cobbles
in the carriageway, on which carriages, swaying on their wheels, were swiftly
drawn by horses with arched necks. The people who sat at ease on the
upholstered seats gazed in silence at the pedestrians, the shops, the
balconies, and the sky. If it happened that one carriage overtook another, then
the horses would press against each other, and the harness straps hung
dangling. The animals tugged at the shafts, the carriage bowled along, swaying
as it gathered speed, until the swerve around the carriage ahead was completed
and the horses moved apart again, still with their narrow heads inclined toward
each other.
An elderly gentleman came quickly
toward the front entrance, stopped on the dry mosaic paving, turned around. And
he then gazed into the rain, which, wedged in by the narrow street, fell
confusedly.
Raban put down the suitcase with the
black cloth cover, bending his right knee a little in doing so. The rain water
was already running along the edge of the carriageway in streaks that almost
extended to the lower-lying gutters.
The elderly gentleman stood upright
near Raban, who was supporting himself by leaning slightly against the wooden
doorpost; from time to rime he glanced toward Raban, even though to do so he
had to twist his neck sharply. Yet he did this only out of the natural desire,
now that he happened to be unoccupied, to observe everything exactly, at least
in his vicinity. The result of this aimless glancing hither and thither was
that there was a great deal he did not notice. So, for instance, it escaped him
that Raban's lips were very pale, not much less so than the very faded red of
his tie, which had a once striking Moorish pattern. Now, had he noticed this,
he would certainly have made a fuss about it, at least inwardly, which, again,
would not have been the right thing, for Raban was always pale, even if, it was
a fact, various things might have been making him especially tired just
recently.
"What weather!" the
gentleman said in a low voice, shaking his head, consciously, it was true, but
still in a slightly senile way.
"Yes, indeed, and when one's
supposed to be starting on a journey, too," Raban said, quickly
straightening up.
"And it isn't the kind of
weather that will improve," the gentleman said and, in order to make sure
of it once more for the last time, bent forward to glance in scrutiny up the
street, then down, and then at the sky. "It may last for days, even for
weeks. So far as I recall, nothing better is forecast for June and the
beginning of July, either. Well, it's no pleasure to anyone; I for instance
shall have to do without my walks, which are extremely important to my
health."
Hereupon he yawned and seemed to
become exhausted, since he had now heard Raban's voice and, occupied with this
conversation, no longer took any interest in anything, not even in the
conversation.
This made quite an impression on
Raban, since after all the gentleman had addressed him first, and he therefore
tried to show off a little, although it might not even be noticed.
"True," he said, "in town one can very easily manage to go
without what isn't good for one. If one does not do without it, then one has
only oneself to blame for the bad consequences. One will be sorry and in this
way come to see for the first time really clearly how to manage the next time.
And even if in matters of detail. . . [Two pages missing]. . . "I don't
mean anything by it. I don't mean anything at all," Raban hastened to say,
prepared to excuse the gentleman's absent-mindedness in any way possible, since
after all he wanted to show off a little more. "It's all just out of the
book previously mentioned, which I, like other people, happen to have been
reading in the evening recently. I have been mostly alone. Owing to family
circumstances, you see. But apart from anything else, a good book is what I
like best after supper. Always has been. Just recently I read in a prospectus a
quotation from some writer or other. 'A good book is the best friend there is,'
and that's really true, it is so, a good book is the best friend there
is."
"Yes, when one is young
--" the gentleman said, meaning nothing in particular by this, merely
wanting to indicate how it was raining, that the rain was heavier again, and
that now it was not going to stop at all; but to Raban it sounded as though at
sixty the gentleman still thought of himself as young and energetic and
considered Raban's thirty years nothing in comparison, and as though he meant
to say besides, insofar as it was permissible, that at the age of thirty he
had, of course, been more sensible than Raban. And that he believed even if one
had nothing else to do, like himself, for instance, an old man, yet it was
really wasting one's time to stand about here in this hall, looking at the
rain, but if one spent the time, besides, in chatter, one was wasting it
doubly.
Now Raban had believed for some time
that nothing other people said about his capabilities or opinions had been able
to affect him, on the contrary, that he had positively abandoned the position
where he had listened, all submissively, to everything that was said, so that
people were now simply wasting their breath whether they happened to be against
him or for him. And so he said: "We are talking about different things,
since you did not wait to hear what I was going to say."
"Please go on, please go
on," the gentleman said.
"Well, it isn't so
important," Raban said. "I was only going to say books are useful in
every sense and quite especially in respects in which one would not expect it.
For when one is about to embark on some enterprise, it is precisely the books
whose contents have nothing at all in common with the enterprise that are the
most useful. For the reader who does after all intend to embark on that
enterprise, that is to say, who has somehow become enthusiastic (and even if,
as it were, the effect of the book can penetrate only so far as that
enthusiasm), will be stimulated by the book to all kinds of thoughts concerning
his enterprise. Now, however, since the contents of the book are precisely something
of utter indifference, the reader is not at all impeded in those thoughts, and
he passes through the midst of the book with them, as once the Jews passed
through the Red Sea, that's how I should like to put it."
For Raban the whole person of the
old gentleman now assumed an unpleasant expression. It seemed to him as though
he had drawn particularly close to him -- but it was merely trifling. . . [Two
pages missing]. . . "The newspaper, too. -- But I was about to say, I am
only going into the country, that's all, only for a fortnight; I am taking a
holiday for the first time for quite a long period, and it's necessary for
other reasons too, and yet for instance a book that I was, as I have mentioned,
reading recently taught me more about my little journey than you could
imagine."
"I am listening," the
gentleman said.
Raban was silent and, standing there
so straight, put his hands into his overcoat pockets, which were rather too
high. Only after a while did the old gentleman say: "This journey seems to
be of some special importance to you."
"Well, you see, you see,"
Raban said, once more supporting himself against the doorpost. Only now did he
see how the passage had filled up with people. They were standing even around
the foot of the staircase, and an official, who had rented a room in the
apartment of the same woman as Raban had, when he came down the stairs had to
ask the people to make way for him. To Raban, who only pointed at the rain, he
called out over several heads, which now all turned to Raban, "Have a good
journey" and reiterated a promise, obviously given earlier, definitely to
visit Raban the next Sunday.
[Two pages missing]. . . has a
pleasant job, with which he is indeed satisfied and which has always been kept
open for him. He has such powers of endurance and is inwardly so gay that he
does not need anyone to keep him entertained, but everyone needs him. He has
always been healthy. Oh, don't try to tell me.
"I am not going to argue,"
the gentleman said.
"You won't argue, but you won't
admit your mistake either. Why do you stick to it so? And however sharply you
may recollect now, you would, I dare wager, forget everything if you were to
talk to him. You would reproach me for not having refuted you more effectively
now. If he so much as talks about a book. He's instantly ecstatic about
everything beautiful. . ."
Translated by Ernst Kaiser and Eithne Wilkins
The
Judgment
It
was a Sunday morning in the very height of spring. Georg Bendemann, a
young merchant, was sitting in his own room on the first floor of one of a long
row of small, ramshackle houses stretching beside the river which were scarcely
distinguishable from each other in height and coloring. He had just finished a
letter to an old friend of his who was now living abroad, had put it into its
envelope in a slow and dreamy fashion, and with his elbows propped on the
writing table was gazing out of the window at the river, the bridge, and the
hills on the farther bank with their tender green.
He was thinking about his friend,
who had actually run away to Russia some years before, being dissatisfied with
his prospects at home. Now he was carrying on a business in St. Petersburg,
which had flourished to begin with but had long been going downhill, as he
always complained on his increasingly rare visits. So he was wearing himself
out to no purpose in a foreign country, the unfamiliar full beard he wore did
not quite conceal the face Georg had known so well since childhood, and his
skin was growing so yellow as to indicate some latent disease. By his own
account he had no regular connection with the colony of his fellow countrymen
out there and almost no social intercourse with Russian families, so that he
was resigning himself to becoming a permanent bachelor.
What could one write to such a man,
who had obviously run off the rails, a man one could be sorry for but could not
help. Should one advise him to come home, to transplant himself and take up his
old friendships again -- there was nothing to hinder him -- and in general to
rely on the help of his friends? But that was as good as telling him, and the
more kindly the more offensively, that all his efforts hitherto had miscarried,
that he should finally give up, come back home, and be gaped at by everyone as
a returned prodigal, that only his friends knew what was what and that he
himself was just a big child who should do what his successful and home-keeping
friends prescribed. And was it certain, besides, that all the pain one would
have to inflict on him would achieve its object? Perhaps it would not even be
possible to get him to come home at all -- he said himself that he was now out
of touch with commerce in his native country -- and then he would still be left
an alien in a foreign land embittered by his friends' advice and more than ever
estranged from them. But if he did follow their advice and then didn't fit in
at home -- not out of malice, of course, but through force of circumstances --
couldn't get on with his friends or without them, felt humiliated, couldn't be
said to have either friends or a country of his own any longer, wouldn't it
have been better for him to stay abroad just as he was? Taking all this into
account, how could one be sure that he would make a success of life at home?
For such reasons, supposing one
wanted to keep up correspondence with him, one could not send him any real news
such as could frankly be told to the most distant acquaintance. It was more
than three years since his last visit, and for this he offered the lame excuse that
the political situation in Russia was too uncertain, which apparently would not
permit even the briefest absence of a small businessman while it allowed
hundreds of thousands of Russians to travel peacefully abroad. But during these
three years Georg's own position in life had changed a lot. Two years ago his mother had died, since
when he and his father had shared the household together, and his friend had of
course been informed of that and had expressed his sympathy in a letter phrased
so dryly that the grief caused by such an event, one had to conclude, could not
be realized in a distant country. Since that time, however, Georg had applied
himself with greater determination to the business as well as to everything
else.
Perhaps during his mother's lifetime
his father's insistence on having everything his own way in the business had
hindered him from developing any real activity of his own, perhaps since her
death his father had become less aggressive, although he was still active in
the business, perhaps it was mostly due to an accidental run of good fortune --
which was very probable indeed -- but at any rate during those two years the
business had developed in a most unexpected way, the staff had had to be
doubled, the turnover was five times as great; no doubt about it, further
progress lay just ahead.
But Georg's friend had no inkling of
this improvement. In earlier years, perhaps for the last time in that letter of
condolence, he had tried to persuade Georg to emigrate to Russia and had
enlarged upon the prospects of success for precisely Georg's branch of trade.
The figures quoted were microscopic by comparison with the range of Georg's
present operations. Yet he shrank from letting his friend know about his
business success, and if he were to do it now retrospectively that certainly
would look peculiar.
So Georg confined himself to giving
his friend unimportant items of gossip such as rise at random in the memory
when one is idly thinking things over on a quiet Sunday. All he desired was to
leave undisturbed the idea of the home town which his friend must have built up
to his own content during the long interval. And so it happened to Georg that
three times in three fairly widely separated letters he had told his friend
about the engagement of an unimportant man to an equally unimportant girl,
until indeed, quite contrary to his intentions, his friend began to show some
interest in this notable event.
Yet Georg preferred to write about
things like these rather than to confess that he himself had got engaged a
month ago to a Fräulein Frieda Brandenfeld, a girl from a well-to-do family. He
often discussed this friend of his with his fiancée and the peculiar relationship that had developed between
them in their correspondence. "So he won't be coming to our wedding,"
said she, "and yet I have a right to get to know all your friends."
"I don't want to trouble him," answered Georg, "don't
misunderstand me, he would probably come, at least I think so, but he would
feel that his hand had been forced and he would be hurt, perhaps he would envy
me and certainly he'd be discontented and without being able to do anything
about his discontent he'd have to go away again alone. Alone -- do you know
what that means?" "Yes, but may he not hear about our wedding in some
other fashion?" "I can't prevent that, of course, but it's unlikely,
considering the way he lives." "Since your friends are like that,
Georg, you shouldn't ever have got engaged at all." "Well, we're both
to blame for that; but I wouldn't have it any other way now." And when,
breathing quickly under his kisses, she still brought out: "All the same,
I do feel upset," he thought it could not really involve him in trouble
were he to send the news to his friend. "That's the kind of man I am and
he'll just have to take me as I am," he said to himself, "I can't cut
myself to another pattern that might make a more suitable friend for him."
And in fact he did inform his
friend, in the long letter he had been writing that Sunday morning, about his
engagement, with these words: "I have saved my best news to the end. I
have got engaged to a Fräulein Frieda Brandenfeld, a girl from a well-to-do
family, who only came to live here a long time after you went away, so that
you're hardly likely to know her. There will be time to tell you more about her
later, for today let me just say that I am very happy and as between you and me
the only difference in our relationship is that instead of a quite ordinary
kind of friend you will now have in me a happy friend. Besides that, you will
acquire in my fiancée, who
sends her warm greetings and will soon write you herself, a genuine friend of
the opposite sex, which is not without importance to a bachelor. I know that
there are many reasons why you can't come to see us, but would not my wedding
be precisely the right occasion for giving all obstacles the go-by? Still,
however that may be, do just as seems good to you without regarding any
interests but your own."
With this letter in his hand Georg
had been sitting a long time at the writing table, his face turned toward the
window. He had barely acknowledged, with an absent smile, a greeting waved to
him from the street by a passing acquaintance.
At last he put the letter in his
pocket and went out of his room across a small lobby into his father's room,
which he had not entered for months. There was in fact no need for him to enter
it, since he saw his father daily at business and they took their mid-day meal
together at an eating house; in the evening, it was true, each did as he pleased,
yet even then, unless Georg -- as mostly happened -- went out with friends or,
more recently, visited his fiancée, they always sat for a while, each with his newspaper, in
their common sitting room.
It surprised Georg how dark his
father's room was even on this sunny morning. So it was overshadowed as much as
that by the high wall on the other side of the narrow courtyard. His father was
sitting by the window in a corner hung with various mementoes of Georg's dead
mother, reading a newspaper which he held to one side before his eyes in an
attempt to overcome a defect of vision. On the table stood the remains of his
breakfast, not much of which seemed to have been eaten.
"Ah, Georg," said his
father, rising at once to meet him. His heavy dressing gown swung open as he
walked and the skirts of it fluttered around him. -- "My father is still a
giant of a man," said Georg to himself.
"It's unbearably dark
here," he said aloud.
"Yes, it's dark enough,"
answered his father.
"And you've shut the window,
too?"
"I prefer it like that."
"Well, it's quite warm
outside," said Georg, as if continuing his previous remark, and sat down.
His father cleared away the
breakfast dishes and set them on a chest.
"I really only wanted to tell
you," went on Georg, who had been vacantly following the old man's
movements, "that I am now sending the news of my engagement to St.
Petersburg." He drew the letter a little way from his pocket and let it
drop back again.
"To St. Petersburg?" asked
his father.
"To my friend there," said
Georg, trying to meet his father's eye. -- In business hours he's quite
different, he was thinking, how solidly he sits here with his arms crossed.
"Oh yes. To your friend,"
said his father, with peculiar emphasis.
"Well, you know, Father, that I
wanted not to tell him about my engagement at first. Out of consideration for
him, that was the only reason. You know yourself he's a difficult man. I said
to myself that someone else might tell him about my engagement, although he's
such a solitary creature that that was hardly likely -- I couldn't prevent that
-- but I wasn't ever going to tell him myself."
"And now you've changed your
mind?" asked his father, laying his enormous newspaper on the window sill
and on top of it his spectacles, which he covered with one hand.
"Yes, I've been thinking it
over. If he's a good friend of mine, I said to myself, my being happily engaged
should make him happy too. And so I wouldn't put off telling him any longer.
But before I posted the letter I wanted to let you know."
"Georg," said his father,
lengthening his toothless mouth, "listen to me! You've come to me about
this business, to talk it over with me. No doubt that does you honor. But it's
nothing, it's worse than nothing, if you don't tell me the whole truth. I don't
want to stir up matters that shouldn't be mentioned here. Since the death of
our dear mother certain things have been done that aren't right. Maybe the time
will come for mentioning them, and maybe sooner than we think. There's many a
thing in the business I'm not aware of, maybe it's not done behind my back --
I'm not going to say that it's done behind my back -- I'm not equal to things
any longer, my memory's failing, I haven't an eye for so many things any longer.
That's the course of nature in the first place, and in the second place the
death of our dear mother hit me harder than it did you. -- But since we're
talking about it, about this letter, I beg you, Georg, don't deceive me. It's a
trivial affair, it's hardly worth mentioning, so don't deceive me. Do you
really have this friend in St. Petersburg?"
Georg rose in embarrassment.
"Never mind my friends. A thousand friends wouldn't make up to me for my
father. Do you know what I think? You're not taking enough care of yourself.
But old age must be taken care of. I can't do without you in the business, you
know that very well, but if the business is going to undermine your health, I'm
ready to close it down tomorrow forever. And that won't do. We'll have to make
a change in your way of living. But a radical change. You sit here in the dark,
and in the sitting room you would have plenty of light. You just take a bite of
breakfast instead of properly keeping up your strength. You sit by a closed
window, and the air would be so good for you. No, Father! I'll get the doctor
to come, and we'll follow his orders. We'll change your room, you can move into
the front room and I'll move in here. You won't notice the change, all your
things will be moved with you. But there's time for all that later, I'll put
you to bed now for a little, I'm sure you need to rest. Come, I'll help you to
take off your things, you'll see I can do it. Or if you would rather go into
the front room at once, you can lie down in my bed for the present. That would
be the most sensible thing."
Georg stood close beside his father,
who had let his head with its unkempt white hair sink on his chest.
"Georg," said his father
in a low voice, without moving.
Georg knelt down at once beside his
father, in the old man's weary face he saw the pupils, overlarge, fixedly
looking at him from the corners of the eyes.
"You have no friend in St.
Petersburg. You've always been a leg-puller and you haven't even shrunk from
pulling my leg. How could you have a friend out there! I can't believe
it."
"Just think back a bit,
Father," said Georg, lifting his father from the chair and slipping off
his dressing gown as he stood feebly enough, "it'll soon be three years
since my friend came to see us last. I remember that you used not to like him
very much. At least twice I kept you from seeing him, although he was actually
sitting with me in my room. I could quite well understand your dislike of him,
my friend has his peculiarities. But then, later, you got on with him very
well. I was proud because you listened to him and nodded and asked him
questions. If you think back you're bound to remember. He used to tell us the
most incredible stories of the Russian Revolution. For instance, when he was on
a business trip to Kiev and ran into a riot, and saw a priest on a balcony who
cut a broad cross in blood on the palm of his hand and held the hand up and
appealed to the mob. You've told that story yourself once or twice since."
Meanwhile Georg had succeeded in
lowering his father down again and carefully taking off the woolen drawers he
wore over his linen underpants and his socks. The not particularly clean
appearance of his underwear made him reproach himself for having been
neglectful. It should have certainly been his duty to see that his father had
clean changes of underwear. He had not yet explicitly discussed with his
bride-to-be what arrangements should be made for his father in the future, for
they had both of them silently taken it for granted that the old man would go on
living alone in the old house. But now he made a quick, firm decision to take
him into his own future establishment. It almost looked, on closer inspection,
as if the care he meant to lavish there on his father might come too late.
He carried his father to bed in his
arms. It gave him a dreadful feeling to notice that while he took the few steps
toward the bed the old man on his breast was playing with his watch chain. He
could not lay him down on the bed for a moment, so firmly did he hang on to the
watch chain.
But as soon as he was laid in bed,
all seemed well. He covered himself up and even drew the blankets farther than
usual over his shoulders. He looked up at Georg with a not unfriendly eye.
"You begin to remember my
friend, don't you?" asked Georg, giving him an encouraging nod.
"Am I well covered up
now?" asked his father, as if he were not able to see whether his feet
were properly tucked in or not.
"So you find it snug in bed
already," said Georg, and tucked the blankets more closely around him.
"Am I well covered up?"
asked the father once more, seeming to be strangely intent upon the answer.
"Don't worry, you're well
covered up."
"No!" cried his father,
cutting short the answer, threw the blankets off with a strength that sent them
all flying in a moment and sprang erect in bed. Only one hand lightly touched
the ceiling to steady him.
"You wanted to cover me up, I
know, my young sprig, but I'm far from being covered up yet. And even if this
is the last strength I have, it's enough for you, too much for you. Of course I
know your friend. He would have been a son after my own heart. That's why
you've been playing him false all these years. Why else? Do you think I haven't
been sorry for him? And that's why you had to lock yourself up in your office
-- the Chief is busy, mustn't be disturbed -- just so that you could write your
lying little letters to Russia. But thank goodness a father doesn't need to be
taught how to see through his son. And now that you thought you'd got him down,
so far down that you could set your bottom on him and sit on him and he
wouldn't move, then my fine son makes up his mind to get married!"
Georg stared at the bogey conjured
up by his father. His friend in St. Petersburg, whom his father suddenly knew
too well, touched his imagination as never before. Lost in the vastness of
Russia he saw him. At the door of an empty, plundered warehouse he saw him.
Among the wreckage of his showcases, the slashed remnants of his wares, the
falling gas brackets, he was just standing up. Why did he have to go so far
away!
"But attend to me!" cried
his father, and Georg, almost distracted, ran toward the bed to take everything
in, yet came to a stop halfway.
"Because she lifted up her
skirts," his father began to flute, "because she lifted her skirts
like this, the nasty creature," and mimicking her he lifted his shirt so
high that one could see the scar on his thigh from his war wound, "because
she lifted her skirts like this and this you made up to her, and in order to
make free with her undisturbed you have disgraced your mother's memory,
betrayed your friend, and stuck your father into bed so that he can't move. But
he can move, or can't he?"
And he stood up quite unsupported
and kicked his legs out. His insight made him radiant.
Georg shrank into a corner, as far
away from his father as possible. A long time ago he had firmly made up his
mind to watch closely every least movement so that he should not be surprised
by any indirect attack, a pounce from behind or above. At this moment he
recalled this long-forgotten resolve and forgot it again, like a man drawing a
short thread through the eye of a needle.
"But your friend hasn't been
betrayed after all!" cried his father, emphasizing the point with stabs of
his forefinger. "I've been representing him here on the spot."
"You comedian!" Georg
could not resist the retort, realized at once the harm done and, his eyes
starting in his head, bit his tongue back, only too late, till the pain made
his knees give.
"Yes, of course I've been
playing a comedy! A comedy! That's a good expression! What other comfort was
left to a poor old widower? Tell me -- and while you're answering me be you
still my living son -- what else was left to me, in my back room, plagued by a
disloyal staff, old to the marrow of my bones? And my son strutting through the
world, finishing off deals that I had prepared for him, bursting with
triumphant glee, and stalking away from his father with the closed face of a
respectable businessman! Do you think I didn't love you, I, from whom you are
sprung?"
Now he'll lean forward, thought
Georg, what if he topples and smashes himself! These words went hissing through
his mind.
His father leaned forward but did
not topple. Since Georg did not come any nearer, as he had expected, he
straightened himself again.
"Stay where you are, I don't
need you! You think you have strength enough to come over here and that you're
only hanging back of your own accord. Don't be too sure! I am still much the
stronger of us two. All by myself I might have had to give way, but your mother
has given me so much of her strength that I've established a fine connection
with your friend and I have your customers here in my pocket!"
"He has pockets even in his
shirt!" said Georg to himself, and believed that with this remark he could
make him an impossible figure for all the world. Only for a moment did he think
so, since he kept on forgetting everything.
"Just take your bride on your
arm and try getting in my way! I'll sweep her from your very side, you don't
know how!"
Georg made a grimace of disbelief.
His father only nodded, confirming the truth of his words, toward Georg's
corner.
"How you amused me today,
coming to ask me if you should tell your friend about your engagement. He knows
it already, you stupid boy, he knows it all! I've been writing to him, for you
forgot to take my writing things away from me. That's why he hasn't been here
for years, he knows everything a hundred times better than you do yourself, in
his left hand he crumples your letters unopened while in his right hand he
holds up my letters to read through!"
In his enthusiasm he waved his arm
over his head. "He knows everything a thousand times better!" he
cried.
"Ten thousand times!" said
Georg, to make fun of his father, but in his very mouth the words turned into
deadly earnest.
"For years I've been waiting
for you to come with some such question! Do you think I concern myself with
anything else? Do you think I read my newspapers? Look!" and he threw
Georg a newspaper sheet which he had somehow taken to bed with him. An old
newspaper, with a name entirely unknown to Georg.
"How long a time you've taken
to grow up! Your mother had to die, she couldn't see the happy day, your friend
is going to pieces in Russia, even three years ago he was yellow enough to be
thrown away, and as for me, you see what condition I'm in. You have eyes in
your head for that!"
"So you've been lying in wait
for me!" cried Georg.
His father said pityingly, in an
offhand manner: "I suppose you wanted to say that sooner. But now it
doesn't matter." And in a louder voice: "So now you know what else
there was in the world besides yourself, till now you've known only about
yourself! An innocent child, yes, that you were, truly, but still more truly
have you been a devilish human being! -- And therefore take note: I sentence
you now to death by drowning!"
Georg felt himself urged from the
room, the crash with which his father fell on the bed behind him was still in
his ears as he fled. On the staircase, which he rushed down as if its steps
were an inclined plane, he ran into his charwoman on her way up to do the
morning cleaning of the room. "Jesus!" she cried, and covered her
face with her apron, but he was already gone. Out of the front door he rushed,
across the roadway, driven toward the water. Already he was grasping at the
railings as a starving man clutches food. He swung himself over, like the
distinguished gymnast he had once been in his youth, to his parents' pride.
With weakening grip he was still holding on when he spied between the railings
a motor-bus coming which would easily cover the noise of his fall, called in a
low voice: "Dear parents, I have always loved you, all the same," and
let himself drop.
At this moment an unending stream of
traffic was just going over the bridge.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Metamorphosis
I
As Gregor
Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed
in his bed into a gigantic insect. He was lying on his hard, as it were
armor-plated, back and when he lifted his head a little he could see his
domelike brown belly divided into stiff arched segments on top of which the bed
quilt could hardly keep in position and was about to slide off completely. His
numerous legs, which were pitifully thin compared to the rest of his bulk,
waved helplessly before his eyes.
What has happened to me? he thought.
It was no dream. His room, a regular human bedroom, only rather too small, lay
quiet between the four familiar walls. Above the table on which a collection of
cloth samples was unpacked and spread out -- Samsa was a commercial traveler --
hung the picture which he had recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and
put into a pretty gilt frame. It showed a lady, with a fur cap on and a fur
stole, sitting upright and holding out to the spectator a huge fur muff into
which the whole of her forearm had vanished!
Gregor's eyes turned next to the
window, and the overcast sky -- one could hear raindrops beating on the window
gutter -- made him quite melancholy. What about sleeping a little longer and
forgetting all this nonsense, he thought, but it could not be done, for he was
accustomed to sleep on his right side and in his present condition he could not
turn himself over. However violently he forced himself toward his right side he
always rolled onto his back again. He tried it at least a hundred times, shutting
his eyes to keep from seeing his struggling legs, and only desisted when he
began to feel in his side a faint dull ache he had never experienced before.
Oh God, he thought, what an
exhausting job I've picked on! Traveling about day in, day out. It's much more
irritating work than doing the actual business in the office, and on top of
that there's the trouble of constant traveling, of worrying about train
connections, the bed and irregular meals, casual acquaintances that are always
new and never become intimate friends. The devil take it all! He felt a slight
itching up on his belly; slowly pushed himself on his back nearer to the top of
the bed so that he could lift his head more easily; identified the itching
place which was surrounded by many small white spots the nature of which he
could not understand and made to touch it with a leg, but drew the leg back
immediately, for the contact made a cold shiver run through him.
He slid down again into his former
position. This getting up early, he thought, makes one quite stupid. A man
needs his sleep. Other commercials live like harem women. For instance, when I
come back to the hotel of a morning to write up the orders I've got, these
others are only sitting down to the breakfast. Let me just try that with my
chief; I'd be sacked on the spot. Anyhow, that might be quite a good thing for
me, who can tell? If I didn't have to hold my hand because of my parents I'd
have given notice long ago, I'd have gone to the chief and told him exactly
what I think of him. That would knock him endways from his desk! It's a queer
way of doing, too, this sitting on high at a desk and talking down to
employees, especially when they have to come quite near because the chief is
hard of hearing. Well, there's still hope; once I've saved enough money to pay
back my parents' debts to him -- that should take another five or six years --
I'll do it without fail. I'll cut myself completely loose then. For the moment,
though, I'd better get up, since my train goes at five.
He looked at the alarm clock ticking
on the chest. Heavenly Father! he thought. It was half-past six o'clock and the
hands were quietly moving on, it was even past the half-hour, it was getting on
toward a quarter to seven. Had the alarm clock not gone off? From the bed one
could see that it had been properly set for four o'clock; of course it must
have gone off. Yes, but was it possible to sleep quietly through that
ear-splitting noise? Well, he had not slept quietly, yet apparently all the
more soundly for that. But what was he to do now? The next train went at seven
o'clock; to catch that he would need to hurry like mad and his samples weren't
even packed up, and he himself wasn't feeling particularly fresh and active.
And even if he did catch the train he wouldn't avoid a row with the chief,
since the firm's porter would have been waiting for the five o'clock train and
would have long since reported his failure to turn up. The porter was a
creature of the chief's, spineless and stupid. Well, supposing he were to say
he was sick? But that would be most unpleasant and would look suspicious, since
during his five years' employment he had not been ill once. The chief himself
would be sure to come with the sick-insurance doctor, would reproach his
parents with their son's laziness, and would cut all excuses short by referring
to the insurance doctor, who of course regarded all mankind as perfectly
healthy malingerers. And would he be so far wrong on this occasion? Gregor
really felt quite well, apart from a drowsiness that was utterly superfluous
after such a long sleep, and he was even unusually hungry.
As all this was running through his
mind at top speed without his being able to decide to leave his bed -- the
alarm clock had just struck a quarter to seven -- there came a cautious tap at
the door behind the head of his bed. "Gregor," said a voice -- it was
his mother's -- "it's a quarter to seven. Hadn't you a train to
catch?" That gentle voice! Gregor had a shock as he heard his own voice
answering hers, unmistakably his own voice, it was true, but with a persistent
horrible twittering squeak behind it like an undertone, which left the words in
their clear shape only for the first moment and then rose up reverberating
around them to destroy their sense, so that one could not be sure one had heard
them rightly. Gregor wanted to answer at length and explain everything, but in
the circumstances he confined himself to saying: "Yes, yes, thank you,
Mother, I'm getting up now." The wooden door between them must have kept
the change in his voice from being noticeable outside, for his mother contented
herself with this statement and shuffled away. Yet this brief exchange of words
had made the other members of the family aware that Gregor was still in the
house, as they had not expected, and at one of the side doors his father was
already knocking, gently, yet with his fist. "Gregor, Gregor," he
called, "What's the matter with you?" And after a little while he
called again in a deeper voice: "Gregor! Gregor!" At the other side
door his sister was saying in a low, plaintive tone: "Gregor? Aren't you well? Are you
needing anything?" He answered them both at once: "I'm just
ready," and did his best to make his voice sound as normal as possible by
enunciating the words very clearly and leaving long pauses between them. So his
father went back to his breakfast, but his sister whispered: "Gregor, open
the door, do." However, he was not thinking of opening the door, and felt
thankful for the prudent habit he had acquired in traveling of locking all
doors during the night, even at home.
His immediate intention was to get
up quietly without being disturbed, to put on his clothes and above all eat his
breakfast, and only then consider what else was to be done, since in bed, he
was well aware, his meditations would come to no sensible conclusion. He
remembered that often enough in bed he had felt small aches and pains, probably
caused by awkward postures, which had proved purely imaginary once he got up,
and he looked forward eagerly to seeing this morning's delusions gradually fall
away. That the change in his voice was nothing but the precursor of a severe
chill, a standing ailment of commercial travelers, he had not the least
possible doubt.
To get rid of the quilt was quite
easy; he had only to inflate himself a little and it fell off by itself. But
the next move was difficult, especially because he was so uncommonly broad. He
would have needed arms and hands to hoist himself up; instead he had only the
numerous little legs which never stopped waving in all directions and which he
could not control in the least. When he tried to bend one of them it was the
first to stretch itself straight; and did he succeed at last in making it do
what he wanted, all the other legs meanwhile waved the more wildly in a high
degree of unpleasant agitation. "But what's the use of lying idle in
bed," said Gregor to himself.
He thought that he might get out of
bed with the lower part of his body first, but this lower part, which he had
not yet seen and of which he could form no clear conception, proved too
difficult to move; it shifted so slowly; and when finally, almost wild with
annoyance, he gathered his forces together and thrust out recklessly, he had
miscalculated the direction and bumped heavily against the lower end of the
bed, and the stinging pain he felt informed him that precisely this lower part
of his body was at the moment probably the most sensitive.
So he tried to get the top part of
himself out first, and cautiously moved his head toward the edge of the bed.
That proved easy enough, and despite its breadth and mass the bulk of his body
at last slowly followed the movement of his head. Still, when he finally got
his head free over the edge of the bed he felt too scared to go on advancing,
for after all if he let himself fall in this way it would take a miracle to
keep his head from being injured. And at all costs he must not lose
consciousness now, precisely now; he would rather stay in bed.
But when after a repetition of the
same efforts he lay in his former position again, sighing, and watched his
little legs struggling against each other more wildly than ever, if that were
possible, and saw no way of bringing any order into this arbitrary confusion,
he told himself again that it was impossible to stay in bed and that the most
sensible course was to risk everything for the smallest hope of getting away
from it. At the same time he did not forget to remind himself occasionally that
cool reflection, the coolest possible, was much better than desperate resolves.
In such moments he focused his eyes as sharply as possible on the window, but,
unfortunately, the prospect of the morning fog, which muffled even the other
side of the narrow street, brought him little encouragement and comfort.
"Seven o'clock already," he said to himself when the alarm clock
chimed again, "seven o'clock already and still such a thick fog." And
for a little while he lay quiet, breathing lightly, as if perhaps expecting
such complete repose to restore all things to their real and normal condition.
But then he said to himself:
"Before it strikes a quarter past seven I must be quite out of this bed,
without fail. Anyhow, by that time someone will have come from the office to
ask for me, since it opens before seven." And he set himself to rocking
his whole body at once in a regular rhythm, with the idea of swinging it out of
the bed. If he tipped himself out in that way he could keep his head from
injury by lifting it at an acute angle when he fell. His back seemed to be hard
and was not likely to suffer from a fall on the carpet. His biggest worry was
the loud crash he would not be able to help making, which would probably cause
anxiety, if not terror, behind all the doors. Still, he must take the risk.
When he was already half out of the
bed -- the new method was more a game than an effort, for he needed only to
hitch himself across by rocking to and fro -- it struck him how simple it would
be if he could get help. Two strong people -- he thought of his father and the
servant girl -- would be amply sufficient; they would only have to thrust their
arms under his convex back, lever him out of the bed, bend down with their
burden, and then be patient enough to let him turn himself right over onto the
floor, where it was to be hoped his legs would then find their proper function.
Well, ignoring the fact that the doors were all locked, ought he really to call
for help? In spite of his misery he could not suppress a smile at the very idea
of it.
He had got so far that he could
barely keep his equilibrium when he rocked himself strongly, and he would have
to nerve himself very soon for the final decision since in five minutes' time
it would be quarter past seven -- when the front doorbell rang. "That's
someone from the office," he said to himself, and grew almost rigid, while
his little legs only jigged about all the faster. For a moment everything
stayed quiet. "They're not going to open the door," said Gregor to
himself, catching at some kind of irrational hope. But then of course the servant
girl went as usual to the door with her heavy tread and opened it. Gregor
needed only to hear the first good morning of the visitor to know immediately
who it was -- the chief clerk himself. What a fate, to be condemned to work for
a firm where the smallest omission at once gave rise to the gravest suspicion!
Were all employees in a body nothing but scoundrels, was there not among them
one single loyal devoted man who, had he wasted only an hour or so of the
firm's time in a morning, was so tormented by conscience as to be driven out of
his mind and actually incapable of leaving his bed? Wouldn't it really have
been sufficient to send an apprentice to inquire -- if any inquiry were
necessary at all -- did the chief clerk himself have to come and thus indicate
to the entire family, an innocent family, that this suspicious circumstance
could be investigated by no one less versed in affairs than himself? And more
through the agitation caused by these reflections than through any act of will
Gregor swung himself out of bed with all his strength. There was a loud thump,
but it was not really a crash. His fall was broken to some extent by the
carpet, his back, too, was less stiff than he thought, and so there was merely
a dull thud, not so very startling. Only he had not lifted his head carefully
enough and had hit it; he turned it and rubbed it on the carpet in pain and
irritation.
"That was something falling
down in there," said the chief clerk in the next room to the left. Gregor
tried to suppose to himself that something like what had happened to him today
might someday happen to the chief clerk; one really could not deny that it was
possible. But as if in brusque reply to this supposition the chief clerk took a
couple of firm steps in the next-door room and his patent leather boots
creaked. From the right-hand room his sister was whispering to inform him of
the situation: "Gregor, the chief clerk's here." "I know,"
muttered Gregor to himself; but he didn't dare to make his voice loud enough
for his sister to hear it.
"Gregor," said his father
now from the left-hand room, "the chief clerk has come and wants to know
why you didn't catch the early train. We don't know what to say to him.
Besides, he wants to talk to you in person. So open the door, please. He will
be good enough to excuse the untidiness of your room." "Good morning,
Mr. Samsa," the chief clerk was calling amiably meanwhile. "He's not
well," said his mother to the visitor, while his father was still speaking
through the door, "he's not well, sir, believe me. What else would make
him miss a train! The boy thinks about nothing but his work. It makes me almost
cross the way he never goes out in the evenings; he's been here the last eight
days and has stayed at home every single evening. He just sits there quietly at
the table reading a newspaper or looking through railway timetables. The only
amusement he gets is doing fretwork. For instance, he spent two or three
evenings cutting out a little picture frame; you would be surprised to see how
pretty it is; it's hanging in his room; you'll see it in a minute when Gregor
opens the door. I must say I'm glad you've come, sir; we should never have got
him to unlock the door by ourselves; he's so obstinate; and I'm sure he's
unwell, though he wouldn't have it to be so this morning." "I'm just
coming," said Gregor slowly and carefully, not moving an inch for fear of
losing one word of the conversation. "I can't think of any other
explanation, madame," said the chief clerk, "I hope it's nothing
serious. Although on the other hand I must say that we men of business --
fortunately or unfortunately -- very often simply have to ignore any slight
indisposition, since business must be attended to." "Well, can the
chief clerk come in now?" asked Gregor's father impatiently, again
knocking on the door. "No," said Gregor. In the left-hand room a
painful silence followed this refusal, in the right-hand room his sister began
to sob.
Why didn't his sister join the
others? She was probably newly out of bed and hadn't even begun to put on her
clothes yet. Well, why was she crying? Because he wouldn't get up and let the
chief clerk in, because he was in danger of losing his job, and because the
chief would begin dunning his parents again for the old debts? Surely these
were things one didn't need to worry about for the present. Gregor was still at
home and not in the least thinking of deserting the family. At the moment,
true, he was lying on the carpet and no one who knew the condition he was in
could seriously expect him to admit the chief clerk. But for such a small
discourtesy, which could plausibly be explained away somehow later on, Gregor
could hardly be dismissed on the spot. And it seemed to Gregor that it would be
much more sensible to leave him in peace for the present than to trouble him
with tears and entreaties. Still, of course, their uncertainty bewildered them
all and excused their behavior.
"Mr. Samsa," the chief
clerk called now in a louder voice, "what's the matter with you? Here you
are, barricading yourself in your room, giving only 'yes' and 'no' for answers,
causing your parents a lot of unnecessary trouble and neglecting -- I mention
this only in passing -- neglecting your business duties in an incredible
fashion. I am speaking here in the name of your parents and of your chief, and
I beg you quite seriously to give me an immediate and precise explanation. You
amaze me, you amaze me. I thought you were a quiet, dependable person, and now
all at once you seem bent on making a disgraceful exhibition of yourself. The
chief did hint to me early this morning a possible explanation for your
disappearance -- with reference to the cash payments that were entrusted to you
recently -- but I almost pledged my solemn word of honor that this could not be
so. But now that I see how incredibly obstinate you are, I no longer have the
slightest desire to take your part at all. And your position in the firm is not
so unassailable. I came with the intention of telling you all this in private,
but since you are wasting my time so needlessly I don't see why your parents
shouldn't hear it too. For some time past your work has been most
unsatisfactory; this is not the season of the year for a business boom, of
course, we admit that, but a season of the year for doing no business at all,
that does not exist, Mr. Samsa, must not exist."
"But, sir," cried Gregor,
beside himself and in his agitation forgetting everything else, "I'm just
going to open the door this very minute. A slight illness, an attack of
giddiness, has kept me from getting up. I'm still lying in bed. But I feel all
right again. I'm getting out of bed now. Just give me a moment or two longer!
I'm not quite so well as I thought. But I'm all right, really. How a thing like
that can suddenly strike one down! Only last night I was quite well, my parents
can tell you, or rather I did have a slight presentiment. I must have showed
some sign of it. Why didn't I report it at the office! But one always thinks
that an indisposition can be got over without staying in the house. Oh sir, do
spare my parents! All that you're reproaching me with now has no foundation; no
one has ever said a word to me about it. Perhaps you haven't looked at the last
orders I sent in. Anyhow, I can still catch the eight o'clock train, I'm much
the better for my few hours' rest. Don't let me detain you here, sir; I'll be
attending to business very soon, and do be good enough to tell the chief so and
to make my excuses to him!"
And while all this was tumbling out
pell-mell and Gregor hardly knew what he was saying, he had reached the chest
quite easily, perhaps because of the practice he had had in bed, and was now
trying to lever himself upright by means of it. He meant actually to open the
door, actually to show himself and speak to the chief clerk; he was eager to
find out what the others, after all their insistence, would say at the sight of
him. If they were horrified then the responsibility was no longer his and he
could stay quiet. But if they took it calmly, then he had no reason either to
be upset, and could really get to the station for the eight o'clock train if he
hurried. At first he slipped down a few times from the polished surface of the
chest, but at length with a last heave he stood upright; he paid no more
attention to the pains in the lower part of his body, however they smarted.
Then he let himself fall against the back of a nearby chair, and clung with his
little legs to the edges of it. That brought him into control of himself again
and he stopped speaking, for now he could listen to what the chief clerk was
saying.
"Did you understand a word of
it?" the chief clerk was asking; "surely he can't be trying to make
fools of us?" "Oh dear," cried his mother, in tears,
"perhaps he's terribly ill and we're tormenting him. Grete! Grete!"
she called out then. "Yes Mother?" called his sister from the other
side. They were calling to each other across Gregor's room. "You must go
this minute for the doctor. Gregor is ill. Go for the doctor, quick. Did you
hear how he was speaking?" "That was no human voice," said the
chief clerk in a voice noticeably low beside the shrillness of the mother's.
"Anna! Anna!" his father was calling through the hall to the kitchen,
clapping his hands, "get a locksmith at once!" And the two girls were
already running through the hall with a swish of skirts -- how could his sister
have got dressed so quickly? -- and were tearing the front door open. There was
no sound of its closing again; they had evidently left it open, as one does in
houses where some great misfortune has happened.
But Gregor was now much calmer. The
words he uttered were no longer understandable, apparently, although they
seemed clear enough to him, even clearer than before, perhaps because his ear
had grown accustomed to the sound of them. Yet at any rate people now believed
that something was wrong with him, and were ready to help him. The positive
certainty with which these first measures had been taken comforted him. He felt
himself drawn once more into the human circle and hoped for great and
remarkable results from both the doctor and the locksmith, without really
distinguishing precisely between them. To make his voice as clear as possible
for the decisive conversation that was now imminent he coughed a little, as
quietly as he could, of course, since this noise too might not sound like a
human cough for all he was able to judge. In the next room meanwhile there was
complete silence. Perhaps his parents were sitting at the table with the chief
clerk, whispering, perhaps they were all leaning against the door and
listening.
Slowly Gregor pushed the chair
toward the door, then let go of it, caught hold of the door for support -- the
soles at the end of his little legs were somewhat sticky -- and rested against
it for a moment after his efforts. Then he set himself to turning the key in
the lock with his mouth. It seemed, unhappily, that he hadn't really any teeth
-- what could he grip the key with? -- but on the other hand his jaws were
certainly very strong; with their help he did manage to set the key in motion,
heedless of the fact that he was undoubtedly damaging them somewhere, since a
brown fluid issued from his mouth, flowed over the key, and dripped on the
floor. "Just listen to that," said the chief clerk next door;
"he's turning the key." That was a great encouragement to Gregor; but
they should all have shouted encouragement to him, his father and mother too:
"Go on, Gregor," they should have called out, "keep going, hold
on to that key!" And in the belief that they were all following his
efforts intently, he clenched his jaws recklessly on the key with all the force
at his command. As the turning of the key progressed he circled around the
lock, holding on now only with his mouth, pushing on the key, as required, or
pulling it down again with all the weight of his body. The louder click of the
finally yielding lock literally quickened Gregor. With a deep breath of relief
he said to himself: "So I didn't need the locksmith," and laid his
head on the handle to open the door wide.
Since he had to pull the door toward
him, he was still invisible when it was really wide open. He had to edge
himself slowly around the near half of the double door, and to do it very
carefully if he was not to fall plump upon his back just on the threshold. He
was still carrying out this difficult maneuver, with no time to observe
anything else, when he heard the chief clerk utter a loud "Oh!" -- it
sounded like a gust of wind -- and now he could see the man, standing as he was
nearest to the door, clapping one hand before his open mouth and slowly backing
away as if driven by some invisible steady pressure. His mother -- in spite of
the chief clerk's being there her hair was still undone and sticking up in all
directions -- first clasped her hands and looked at his father, then took two
steps toward Gregor and fell on the floor among her outspread skirts, her face
quite hidden on her breast. His father knotted his fist with a fierce expression
on his face as if he meant to knock Gregor back into his room, then looked
uncertainly around the living room, covered his eyes with his hands, and wept
till his great chest heaved.
Gregor did not go now into the
living room, but leaned against the inside of the firmly shut wing of the door,
so that only half his body was visible and his head above it bending sideways
to look at the others. The light had meanwhile strengthened; on the other side
of the street one could see clearly a section of the endlessly long, dark gray
building opposite -- it was a hospital -- abruptly punctuated by its row of
regular windows; the rain was still falling, but only in large singly
discernible and literally singly splashing drops. The breakfast dishes were set
out on the table lavishly, for breakfast was the most important meal of the day
to Gregor's father, who lingered it out for hours over various newspapers.
Right opposite Gregor on the wall hung a photograph of himself in military
service, as a lieutenant, hand on sword, a carefree smile on his face, inviting
one to respect his uniform and military bearing. The door leading to the hall
was open, and one could see that the front door stood open too, showing the
landing beyond and the beginning of the stairs going down.
"Well," said Gregor,
knowing perfectly that he was the only one who had retained any composure,
"I'll put my clothes on at once, pack up my samples, and start off. Will
you only let me go? You see, sir, I'm not obstinate, and I'm willing to work;
traveling is a hard life, but I couldn't live without it. Where are you going,
sir? To the office? Yes? Will you give a true account of all this? One can be
temporarily incapacitated, but that's just the moment for remembering former
services and bearing in mind that later on, when the incapacity has been got
over, one will certainly work with all the more industry and concentration. I'm
loyally bound to serve the chief, you know that very well. Besides, I have to
provide for my parents and my sister. I'm in great difficulties, but I'll get
out of them again. Don't make things any worse for me than they are. Stand up
for me in the firm. Travelers are not popular there, I know. People think they
earn sacks of money and just have a good time. A prejudice there's no particular
reason for revising. But you, sir, have a more comprehensive view of affairs
than the rest of the staff, yes, let me tell you in confidence, a more
comprehensive view than the chief himself, who, being the owner, lets his
judgment easily be swayed against one of his employees. And you know very well
that the traveler, who is never seen in the office almost the whole year
around, can so easily fall a victim to gossip and ill luck and unfounded
complaints, which he mostly knows nothing about, except when he comes back
exhausted from his rounds, and only then suffers in person from their evil
consequences, which he can no longer trace back to the original causes. Sir,
sir, don't go away without a word to me to show that you think me in the right
at least to some extent!"
But at Gregor's very first words the
chief clerk had already backed away and only stared at him with parted lips
over one twitching shoulder. And while Gregor was speaking he did not stand
still one moment but stole away toward the door, without taking his eyes off
Gregor, yet only an inch at a time, as if obeying some secret injunction to
leave the room. He was already at the hall, and the suddenness with which he
took his last step out of the living room would have made one believe he had
burned the sole of his foot. Once in the hall he stretched his right arm before
him toward the staircase, as if some supernatural power were waiting there to
deliver him.
Gregor perceived that the chief
clerk must on no account be allowed to go away in this frame of mind if his
position in the firm were not to be endangered to the utmost. His parents did
not understand this so well; they had convinced themselves in the course of
years that Gregor was settled for life in this firm, and besides they were so
preoccupied with their immediate troubles that all foresight had forsaken them.
Yet Gregor had this foresight. The chief clerk must be detained, soothed,
persuaded, and finally won over; the whole future of Gregor and his family
depended on it! If only his sister had been there! She was intelligent; she had
begun to cry while Gregor was still lying quietly on his back. And no doubt the
chief clerk, so partial to ladies, would have been guided by her; she would
have shut the door of the flat and in the hall talked him out of his horror.
But she was not there, and Gregor would have to handle the situation himself.
And without remembering that he was still unaware what powers of movement he
possessed, without even remembering that his words in all possibility, indeed
in all likelihood, would again be unintelligible, he let go the wing of the
door, pushed himself through the opening, started to walk toward the chief
clerk, who was already ridiculously clinging with both hands to the railing on
the landing; but immediately, as he was feeling for a support, he fell down
with a little cry upon all his numerous legs. Hardly was he down when he
experienced for the first time this morning a sense of physical comfort; his
legs had firm ground under them; they were completely obedient, as he noted
with joy; they even strove to carry him forward in whatever direction he chose;
and he was inclined to believe that a final relief from all his sufferings was
at hand. But in the same moment as he found himself on the floor, rocking with
suppressed eagerness to move, not far from his mother, indeed just in front of
her, she, who had seemed so completely crushed, sprang all at once to her feet,
her arms and fingers outspread, cried: "Help, for God's sake, help!"
bent her head down as if to see Gregor better, yet on the contrary kept backing
senselessly away; had quite forgotten that the laden table stood behind her;
sat upon it hastily, as if in absence of mind, when she bumped into it; and
seemed altogether unaware that the big coffeepot beside her was upset and
pouring coffee in a flood over the carpet.
"Mother, Mother," said
Gregor in a low voice, and looked up at her. The chief clerk, for the moment,
had quite slipped from his mind; instead, he could not resist snapping his jaws
together at the sight of the streaming coffee. That made his mother scream
again, she fled from the table and fell into the arms of his father, who
hastened to catch her. But Gregor had now no time to spare for his parents; the
chief clerk was already on the stairs; with his chin on the banisters he was
taking one last backward look. Gregor made a spring, to be as sure as possible
of overtaking him; the chief clerk must have divined his intention, for he
leaped down several steps and vanished; he was still yelling "Ugh!"
and it echoed through the whole staircase.
Unfortunately, the flight of the
chief clerk seemed completely to upset Gregor's father, who had remained
relatively calm until now, for instead of running after the man himself, or at
least not hindering Gregor in his pursuit, he seized in his right hand the
walking stick that the chief clerk had left behind on a chair, together with a
hat and greatcoat, snatched in his left hand a large newspaper from the table,
and began stamping his feet and flourishing the stick and the newspaper to
drive Gregor back into his room. No entreaty of Gregor's availed, indeed no
entreaty was even understood, however humbly he bent his head his father only
stamped on the floor the more loudly. Behind his father his mother had torn
open a window, despite the cold weather, and was leaning far out of it with her
face in her hands. A strong draught set in from the street to the staircase,
the window curtains blew in, the newspapers on the table fluttered, stray pages
whisked over the floor. Pitilessly Gregor's father drove him back, hissing and
crying "Shoo!" like a savage. But Gregor was quite unpracticed in
walking backwards, it really was a slow business. If he only had a chance to
turn around he could get back to his room at once, but he was afraid of
exasperating his father by the slowness of such a rotation and at any moment
the stick in his father's hand might hit him a fatal blow on the back or on the
head. In the end, however, nothing else was left for him to do since to his
horror he observed that in moving backwards he could not even control the
direction he took; and so, keeping an anxious eye on his father all the time
over his shoulder, he began to turn around as quickly as he could, which was in
reality very slowly. Perhaps his father noted his good intentions, for he did
not interfere except every now and then to help him in the maneuver from a
distance with the point of the stick. If only he would have stopped making that
unbearable hissing noise! It made Gregor quite lose his head. He had turned
almost completely around when the hissing noise so distracted him that he even
turned a little the wrong way again. But when at last his head was fortunately
right in front of the doorway, it appeared that his body was too broad simply
to get through the opening. His father, of course, in his present mood was far
from thinking of such a thing as opening the other half of the door, to let
Gregor have enough space. He had merely the fixed idea of driving Gregor back into
his room as quickly as possible. He would never have suffered Gregor to make
the circumstantial preparations for standing up on end and perhaps slipping his
way through the door. Maybe he was now making more noise than ever to urge
Gregor forward, as if no obstacle impeded him; to Gregor, anyhow, the noise in
his rear sounded no longer like the voice of one single father; this was really
no joke, and Gregor thrust himself -- come what might -- into the doorway. One
side of his body rose up, he was tilted at an angle in the doorway, his flank
was quite bruised, horrid blotches stained the white door, soon he was stuck
fast and, left to himself, could not have moved at all, his legs on one side
fluttered trembling in the air, those on the other were crushed painfully to
the floor -- when from behind his father gave him a strong push which was
literally a deliverance and he flew far into the room, bleeding freely. The
door was slammed behind him with the stick, and then at last there was silence.
II
Not until it was twilight did Gregor
awake out of a deep sleep, more like a swoon than a sleep. He would certainly
have waked up of his own accord not much later, for he felt himself
sufficiently rested and well slept, but it seemed to him as if a fleeting step
and a cautious shutting of the door leading into the hall had aroused him. The
electric lights in the street cast a pale sheen here and there on the ceiling
and the upper surfaces of the furniture, but down below, where he lay, it was
dark. Slowly, awkwardly trying out his feelers, which he now first learned to
appreciate, he pushed his way to the door to see what had been happening there.
His left side felt like one single long, unpleasantly tense scar, and he had
actually to limp on his two rows of legs. One little leg, moreover, had been
severely damaged in the course of that morning's events -- it was almost a
miracle that only one had been damaged -- and trailed uselessly behind him.
He had reached the door before he
discovered what had really drawn him to it: the smell of food. For there stood
a basin filled with fresh milk in which floated little sops of white bread. He
could almost have laughed with joy, since he was now still hungrier than in the
morning, and he dipped his head almost over the eyes straight into the milk.
But soon in disappointment he withdrew it again; not only did he find it
difficult to feed because of his tender left side -- and he could only feed
with the palpitating collaboration of his whole body -- he did not like the milk
either, although milk had been his favorite drink and that was certainly why
his sister had set it there for him, indeed it was almost with repulsion that
he turned away from the basin and crawled back to the middle of the room.
He could see through the crack of
the door that the gas was turned on in the living room, but while usually at
this time his father made a habit of reading the afternoon newspaper in a loud
voice to his mother and occasionally to his sister as well, not a sound was now
to be heard. Well, perhaps his father had recently given up this habit of
reading aloud, which his sister had mentioned so often in conversation and in
her letters. But there was the same silence all around, although the flat was
certainly not empty of occupants. "What a quiet life our family has been
leading," said Gregor to himself, and as he sat there motionless staring
into the darkness he felt great pride in the fact that he had been able to
provide such a life for his parents and sister in such a fine flat. But what if
all the quiet, the comfort, the contentment were now to end in horror? To keep
himself from being lost in such thoughts Gregor took refuge in movement and
crawled up and down the room.
Once during the long evening one of
the side doors was opened a little and quickly shut again, later the other side
door too; someone had apparently wanted to come in and then thought better of
it. Gregor now stationed himself immediately before the living-room door,
determined to persuade any hesitating visitor to come in or at least to
discover who it might be; but the door was not opened again and he waited in
vain. In the early morning, when the doors were locked, they had all wanted to
come in, now that he had opened one door and the other had apparently been opened
during the day, no one came in and even the keys were on the other side of the
doors.
It was late at night before the gas
went out in the living room, and Gregor could easily tell that his parents and
his sister had all stayed awake until then, for he could clearly hear the three
of them stealing away on tiptoe. No one was likely to visit him, not until the
morning, that was certain; so he had plenty of time to meditate at his leisure
on how he was to arrange his life afresh. But the lofty, empty room in which he
had to lie flat on the floor filled him with an apprehension he could not
account for, since it had been his very own room for the past five years -- and
with a half-unconscious action, not without a slight feeling of shame, he
scuttled under the sofa, where he felt comfortable at once, although his back
was a little cramped and he could not lift his head up, and his only regret was
that his body was too broad to get the whole of it under the sofa.
He stayed there all night, spending
the time partly in a light slumber, from which his hunger kept waking him up
with a start, and partly in worrying and sketching vague hopes, which all led
to the same conclusion, that he must lie low for the present and, by exercising
patience and the utmost consideration, help the family to bear the
inconvenience he was bound to cause them in his present condition.
Very early in the morning, it was
still almost night, Gregor had the chance to test the strength of his new
resolutions, for his sister, nearly fully dressed, opened the door from the
hall and peered in. She did not see him at once, yet when she caught sight of
him under the sofa -- well, he had to be somewhere, he couldn't have flown
away, could he? -- she was so startled that without being able to help it she
slammed the door shut again. But as if regretting her behavior she opened the
door again immediately and came in on tiptoe, as if she were visiting an
invalid even a stranger. Gregor had pushed his head forward to the very edge of
the sofa and watched her. Would she notice that he had left the milk standing,
and not for lack of hunger, and would she bring in some other kind of food more
to his taste? If she did not do it of her own accord, he would rather starve
than draw her attention to the fact, although he felt a wild impulse to dart
out from under the sofa, throw himself at her feet, and beg her for something
to eat. But his sister at once noticed, with surprise, that the basin was still
full, except for a little milk that had been spilled all around it, she lifted
it immediately, not with her bare hands, true, but with a cloth and carried it
away. Gregor was wildly curious to know what she would bring instead, and made
various speculations about it. Yet what she actually did next, in the goodness of
her heart, he could never have guessed at. To find out what he liked she
brought him a whole selection of food, all set out on an old newspaper. There
were old, half-decayed vegetables, bones from last night's supper covered with
a white sauce that had thickened; some raisins and almonds; a piece of cheese
that Gregor would have called uneatable two days ago; a dry roll of bread, a
buttered roll, and a roll both buttered and salted. Besides all that, she set
down again the same basin, into which she had poured some water, and which was
apparently to be reserved for his exclusive use. And with fine tact, knowing
that Gregor would not eat in her presence, she withdrew quickly and even turned
the key, to let him understand that he could take his ease as much as he liked.
Gregor's legs all whizzed toward the food. His wounds must have healed
completely, moreover, for he felt no disability, which amazed him and made him
reflect how more than a month ago he had cut one finger a little with a knife
and had still suffered pain from the wound only the day before yesterday. Am I
less sensitive now? he thought, and sucked greedily at the cheese, which above
all the other edibles attracted him at once and strongly. One after another and
with tears of satisfaction in his eyes he quickly devoured the cheese, the
vegetables, and the sauce; the fresh food, on the other hand, had no charms for
him, he could not even stand the smell of it and actually dragged away to some
little distance the things he could eat. He had long finished his meal and was
only lying lazily on the same spot when his sister turned the key slowly as a
sign for him to retreat. That roused him at once, although he was nearly
asleep, and he hurried under the sofa again. But it took considerable self-control
for him to stay under the sofa, even for the short time his sister was in the
room, since the large meal had swollen his body somewhat and he was so cramped
he could hardly breathe. Slight attacks of breathlessness afflicted him and his
eyes were starting a little out of his head as he watched his unsuspecting
sister sweeping together with a broom not only the remains of what he had eaten
but even the things he had not touched, as if these were now of no use to
anyone, and hastily shoveling it all into a bucket, which she covered with a
wooden lid and carried away. Hardly had she turned her back when Gregor came
from under the sofa and stretched and puffed himself out.
In this manner Gregor was fed, once
in the early morning while his parents and the servant girl were still asleep,
and a second time after they had all had their midday dinner, for then his
parents took a short nap and the servant girl could be sent out on some errand
or other by his sister. Not that they would have wanted him to starve, of
course, but perhaps they could not have borne to know more about his feeding
than from hearsay, perhaps too his sister wanted to spare them such little
anxieties wherever possible, since they had quite enough to bear as it was.
Under what pretext the doctor and
the locksmith had been got rid of on that first morning Gregor could not
discover, for since what he said was not understood by the others it never
struck any of them, not even his sister, that he could understand what they
said, and so whenever his sister came into his room he had to content himself
with hearing her utter only a sigh now and then and an occasional appeal to the
saints. Later on, when she had got a little used to the situation -- of course
she could never get completely used to it -- she sometimes threw out a remark
which was kindly meant or could be so interpreted. "Well, he liked his
dinner today," she would say when Gregor had made a good clearance of his
food; and when he had not eaten, which gradually happened more and more often,
she would say almost sadly: "Everything's been left standing again."
But although Gregor could get no
news directly, he overheard a lot from the neighboring rooms, and as soon as
voices were audible, he would run to the door of the room concerned and press
his whole body against it. In the first few days especially there was no
conversation that did not refer to him somehow, even if only indirectly. For
two whole days there were family consultations at every mealtime about what
should be done; but also between meals the same subject was discussed, for
there were always at least two members of the family at home, since no one
wanted to be alone in the flat and to leave it quite empty was unthinkable. And
on the very first of these days the household cook -- it was not quite clear
what and how much she knew of the situation -- went down on her knees to his
mother and begged leave to go, and when she departed, a quarter of an hour
later, gave thanks for her dismissal with tears in her eyes as if for the greatest
benefit that could have been conferred on her, and without any prompting swore
a solemn oath that she would never say a single word to anyone about what had
happened.
Now Gregor's sister had to cook too,
helping her mother; true, the cooking did not amount to much, for they ate
scarcely anything. Gregor was always hearing one of the family vainly urging
another to eat and getting no answer but: "Thanks, I've had all I
want," or something similar. Perhaps they drank nothing either. Time and
again his sister kept asking his father if he wouldn't like some beer and
offered kindly to go and fetch it herself, and when he made no answer suggested
that she could ask the concierge to fetch it, so that he need feel no sense of
obligation, but then a round "No" came from his father and no more
was said about it.
In the course of that very first day
Gregor's father explained the family's financial position and prospects to both
his mother and his sister. Now and then he rose from the table to get some
voucher or memorandum out of the small safe he had rescued from the collapse of
his business five years earlier. One could hear him opening the complicated
lock and rustling papers out and shutting it again. This statement made by his
father was the first cheerful information Gregor had heard since his
imprisonment. He had been of the opinion that nothing at all was left over from
his father's business, at least his father had never said anything to the
contrary, and of course he had not asked him directly. At that time Gregor's
sole desire was to do his utmost to help the family to forget as soon as
possible the catastrophe that had overwhelmed the business and thrown them all
into a state of complete despair. And so he had set to work with unusual ardor
and almost overnight had become a commercial traveler instead of a little
clerk, with of course much greater chances of earning money, and his success
was immediately translated into good round coin which he could lay on the table
for his amazed and happy family. These had been fine times, and they had never
recurred, at least not with the same sense of glory, although later on Gregor
had earned so much money that he was able to meet the expenses of the whole
household and did so. They had simply got used to it, both the family and
Gregor; the money was gratefully accepted and gladly given, but there was no
special uprush of warm feeling. With his sister alone had he remained intimate,
and it was a secret plan of his that she, who loved music, unlike himself, and
could play movingly on the violin, should be sent next year to study at the
Conservatorium, despite the great expense that would entail, which must be made
up in some other way. During his brief visits home the Conservatorium was often
mentioned in the talks he had with his sister, but always merely as a beautiful
dream which could never come true, and his parents discouraged even these
innocent references to it; yet Gregor had made up his mind firmly about it and
meant to announce the fact with due solemnity on Christmas Day.
Such were the thoughts, completely
futile in his present condition, that went through his head as he stood
clinging upright to the door and listening. Sometimes out of sheer weariness he
had to give up listening and let his head fall negligently against the door,
but he always had to pull himself together again at once, for even the slight
sound his head made was audible next door and brought all conversation to a
stop. "What can he be doing now?" his father would say after a while,
obviously turning toward the door, and only then would the interrupted
conversation gradually be set going again.
Gregor was now informed as amply as
he could wish -- for his father tended to repeat himself in his explanations,
partly because it was a long time since he had handled such matters and partly
because his mother could not always grasp things at once -- that a certain
amount of investments, a very small amount it was true, had survived the wreck
of their fortunes and had even increased a little because the dividends had not
been touched meanwhile. And besides that, the money Gregor brought home every
month -- he had kept only a few dollars for himself -- had never been quite
used up and now amounted to a small capital sum. Behind the door Gregor nodded his
head eagerly, rejoiced at this evidence of unexpected thrift and foresight.
True, he could really have paid off some more of his father's debts to the
chief with this extra money, and so brought much nearer the day on which he
could quit his job, but doubtless it was better the way his father had arranged
it.
Yet this capital was by no means
sufficient to let the family live on the interest of it; for one year, perhaps,
or at the most two, they could live on the principal, that was all. It was
simply a sum that ought not to be touched and should be kept for a rainy day;
money for living expenses would have to be earned. Now his father was still
hale enough but an old man, and he had done no work for the past five years and
could not be expected to do much; during these five years, the first years of
leisure in his laborious though unsuccessful life, he had grown rather fat and
become sluggish. And Gregor's old mother, how was she to earn a living with her
asthma, which troubled her even when she walked through the flat and kept her
lying on a sofa every other day panting for breath beside an open window? And was
his sister to earn her bread, she who was still a child of seventeen and whose
life hitherto had been so pleasant, consisting as it did in dressing herself
nicely, sleeping long, helping in the housekeeping, going out to a few modest
entertainments, and above all playing the violin? At first whenever the need
for earning money was mentioned Gregor let go his hold on the door and threw
himself down on the cool leather sofa beside it, he felt so hot with shame and
grief.
Often he just lay there the long nights
through without sleeping at all, scrabbling for hours on the leather. Or he
nerved himself to the great effort of pushing an armchair to the window, then
crawled up over the window sill and, braced against the chair, leaned against
the windowpanes, obviously in some recollection of the sense of freedom that
looking out of a window always used to give him. For in reality day by day
things that were even a little way off were growing dimmer to his sight; the
hospital across the street, which he used to execrate for being all too often
before his eyes, was now quite beyond his range of vision, and if he had not
known that he lived in Charlotte Street, a quiet street but still a city
street, he might have believed that his window gave on a desert waste where
gray sky and gray land blended indistinguishably into each other. His
quick-witted sister only needed to observe twice that the armchair stood by the
window; after that whenever she had tidied the room she always pushed the chair
back to the same place at the window and even left the inner casements open.
If he could have spoken to her and
thanked her for all she had to do for him, he could have borne her
ministrations better; as it was, they oppressed him. She certainly tried to
make as light as possible of whatever was disagreeable in her task, and as time
went on she succeeded, of course, more and more, but time brought more
enlightenment to Gregor too. The very way she came in distressed him. Hardly
was she in the room when she rushed to the window, without even taking time to
shut the door, careful as she was usually to shield the sight of Gregor's room
from the others, and as if she were almost suffocating tore the casements open
with hasty fingers, standing then in the open draught for a while even in the
bitterest cold and drawing deep breaths. This noisy scurry of hers upset Gregor
twice a day; he would crouch trembling under the sofa all the time, knowing
quite well that she would certainly have spared him such a disturbance had she
found it at all possible to stay in his presence without opening the window.
On one occasion, about a month after
Gregor's metamorphosis, when there was surely no reason for her to be still
startled at his appearance, she came a little earlier than usual and found him
gazing out of the window, quite motionless, and thus well placed to look like a
bogey. Gregor would not have been surprised had she not come in at all, for she
could not immediately open the window while he was there, but not only did she
retreat, she jumped back as if in alarm and banged the door shut; a stranger
might well have thought that he had been lying in wait for her there meaning to
bite her. Of course he hid himself under the sofa at once, but he had to wait
until midday before she came again, and she seemed more ill at ease than usual.
This made him realize how repulsive the sight of him still was to her, and that
it was bound to go on being repulsive, and what an effort it must cost her not
to run away even from the sight of the small portion of his body that stuck out
from under the sofa. In order to spare her that, therefore, one day he carried
a sheet on his back to the sofa -- it cost him four hours' labor -- and
arranged it there in such a way as to hide him completely, so that even if she were
to bend down she could not see him. Had she considered the sheet unnecessary,
she would certainly have stripped it off the sofa again, for it was clear
enough that this curtaining and confining of himself was not likely to conduce
to Gregor's comfort, but she left it where it was, and Gregor even fancied that
he caught a thankful glance from her eye when he lifted the sheet carefully a
very little with his head to see how she was taking the new arrangement.
For the first fortnight his parents
could not bring themselves to the point of entering his room, and he often
heard them expressing their appreciation of his sister's activities, whereas
formerly they had frequently scolded her for being as they thought a somewhat
useless daughter. But now, both of them often waited outside the door, his
father and his mother, while his sister tidied his room, and as soon as she
came out she had to tell them exactly how things were in the room, what Gregor
had eaten, how he had conducted himself this time, and whether there was not
perhaps some slight improvement in his condition. His mother, moreover, began
relatively soon to want to visit him, but his father and sister dissuaded her
at first with arguments which Gregor listened to very attentively and
altogether approved. Later, however, she had to be held back by main force, and
when she cried out: "Do let me in to Gregor, he is my unfortunate son!
Can't you understand that I must go to him?" Gregor thought that it might
be well to have her come in, not every day, of course, but perhaps once a week;
she understood things, after all, much better than his sister, who was only a
child despite the efforts she was making and had perhaps taken on so difficult
a task merely out of childish thoughtlessness.
Gregor's desire to see his mother
was soon fulfilled. During the daytime he did not want to show himself at the
window, out of consideration for his parents, but he could not crawl very far
around the few square yards of floor space he had, nor could he bear lying quietly
at rest all during the night, while he was fast losing any interest he had ever
taken in food, so that for mere recreation he had formed the habit of crawling
crisscross over the walls and ceiling. He especially enjoyed hanging suspended
from the ceiling; it was much better than lying on the floor; one could breathe
more freely; one's body swung and rocked lightly; and in the almost blissful
absorption induced by this suspension it could happen to his own surprise that
he let go and fell plump on the floor. Yet he now had his body much better
under control than formerly, and even such a big fall did him no harm. His
sister at once remarked the new distraction Gregor had found for himself -- he
left traces behind him of the sticky stuff on his soles wherever he crawled --
and she got the idea in her head of giving him as wide a field as possible to
crawl in and of removing the pieces of furniture that hindered him, above all
the chest of drawers and the writing desk. But that was more than she could
manage all by herself; she did not dare ask her father to help her; and as for
the servant girl, a young creature of sixteen who had had the courage to stay
on after the cook's departure, she could not be asked to help, for she had
begged as a special favor that she might keep the kitchen door locked and open
it only on a definite summons; so there was nothing left but to apply to her
mother at an hour when her father was out. And the old lady did come, with
exclamations of joyful eagerness, which, however, died away at the door of
Gregor's room. Gregor's sister, of course, went in first, to see that
everything was in order before letting his mother enter. In great haste Gregor
pulled the sheet lower and tucked it more in folds so that it really looked as
if it had been thrown accidentally over the sofa. And this time he did not peer
out from under it; he renounced the pleasure of seeing his mother on this
occasion and was only glad that she had come at all. "Come in, he's out of
sight," said his sister, obviously leading her mother in by the hand.
Gregor could now hear the two women struggling to shift the heavy old chest
from its place, and his sister claiming the greater part of the labor for
herself, without listening to the admonitions of her mother, who feared she
might overstrain herself. It took a long time. After at least a quarter of an
hour's tugging his mother objected that the chest had better be left where it
was, for in the first place it was too heavy and could never be got out before
his father came home, and standing in the middle of the room like that it would
only hamper Gregor's movements, while in the second place it was not at all
certain that removing the furniture would be doing a service to Gregor. She was
inclined to think to the contrary; the sight of the naked walls made her own
heart heavy, and why shouldn't Gregor have the same feeling, considering that
he had been used to his furniture for so long and might feel forlorn without
it. "And doesn't it look," she concluded in a low voice -- in fact
she had been almost whispering all the time as if to avoid letting Gregor,
whose exact whereabouts she did not know, hear even the tones of her voice, for
she was convinced that he could not understand her words -- "doesn't it
look as if we were showing him, by taking away his furniture, that we have
given up hope of his ever getting better and are just leaving him coldly to
himself? I think it would be best to keep his room exactly as it has always
been, so that when he comes back to us he will find everything unchanged and be
able all the more easily to forget what has happened in between."
On hearing these words from his
mother Gregor realized that the lack of all direct human speech for the past
two months together with the monotony of family life must have confused his
mind, otherwise he could not account for the fact that he had quite earnestly
looked forward to having his room emptied of furnishing. Did he really want his
warm room, so comfortably fitted with old family furniture, to be turned into a
naked den in which he would certainly be able to crawl unhampered in all
directions but at the price of shedding simultaneously all recollection of his
human background? He had indeed been so near the brink of forgetfulness that
only the voice of his mother, which he had not heard for so long, had drawn him
back from it. Nothing should be taken out of his room; everything must stay as
it was; he could not dispense with the good influence of the furniture on his
state of mind; and even if the furniture did hamper him in his senseless
crawling around and around, that was no drawback but a great advantage.
Unfortunately his sister was of the
contrary opinion; she had grown accustomed, and not without reason, to consider
herself an expert in Gregor's affairs as against her parents, and so her
mother's advice was now enough to make her determined on the removal not only
of the chest and the writing desk, which had been her first intention, but of
all the furniture except the indispensable sofa. This determination was not, of
course, merely the outcome of childish recalcitrance and of the self-confidence
she had recently developed so unexpectedly and at such cost; she had in fact
perceived that Gregor needed a lot of space to crawl about in, while on the other
hand he never used the furniture at all, so far as could be seen. Another
factor might also have been the enthusiastic temperament of an adolescent girl,
which seeks to indulge itself on every opportunity and which now tempted Grete
to exaggerate the horror of her brother's circumstances in order that she might
do all the more for him. In a room where Gregor lorded it all alone over empty
walls no one save herself was likely ever to set foot.
And so she was not to be moved from
her resolve by her mother, who seemed moreover to be ill at ease in Gregor's
room and therefore unsure of herself, was soon reduced to silence, and helped
her daughter as best she could to push the chest outside. Now, Gregor could do
without the chest, if need be, but the writing desk he must retain. As soon as
the two women had got the chest out of his room, groaning as they pushed it,
Gregor stuck his head out from under the sofa to see how he might intervene as
kindly and cautiously as possible. But as bad luck would have it, his mother
was the first to return, leaving Grete clasping the chest in the room next door
where she was trying to shift it all by herself, without of course moving it
from the spot. His mother however was not accustomed to the sight of him, it
might sicken her and so in alarm Gregor backed quickly to the other end of the
sofa, yet could not prevent the sheet from swaying a little in front. That was
enough to put her on the alert. She paused, stood still for a moment, and then
went back to Grete.
Although Gregor kept reassuring
himself that nothing out of the way was happening, but only a few bits of
furniture were being changed around, he soon had to admit that all this
trotting to and fro of the two women, their little ejaculations, and the
scraping of furniture along the floor affected him like a vast disturbance
coming from all sides at once, and however much he tucked in his head and legs
and cowered to the very floor he was bound to confess that he would not be able
to stand it for long. They were clearing his room out; taking away everything
he loved; the chest in which he kept his fret saw and other tools was already
dragged off; they were now loosening the writing desk which had almost sunk
into the floor, the desk at which he had done all his homework when he was at
the commercial academy, at the grammar school before that, and, yes, even at
the primary school -- he had no more time to waste in weighing the good
intentions of the two women, whose existence he had by now almost forgotten,
for they were so exhausted that they were laboring in silence and nothing could
be heard but the heavy scuffling of their feet.
And so he rushed out -- the women
were just leaning against the writing desk in the next room to give themselves
a breather -- and four times changed his direction, since he really did not
know what to rescue first, then on the wall opposite, which was already
otherwise cleared, he was struck by the picture of the lady muffled in so much
fur and quickly crawled up to it and pressed himself to the glass, which was a
good surface to hold on to and comforted his hot belly. This picture at least,
which was entirely hidden beneath him, was going to be removed by nobody. He
turned his head toward the door of the living room so as to observe the women when
they came back.
They had not allowed themselves much
of a rest and were already coming; Crete had twined her arm around her mother
and was almost supporting her. "Well, what shall we take now?" said
Crete, looking around. Her eyes met Gregor's from the wall. She kept her
composure, presumably because of her mother, bent her head down to her mother,
to keep her from looking up, and said, although in a fluttering, unpremeditated
voice: "Come, hadn't we better go back to the living room for a moment?"
Her intentions were clear enough to Gregor, she wanted to bestow her mother in
safety and then chase him down from the wall. Well, just let her try it! He
clung to his picture and would not give it up. He would rather fly in Grete's
face.
But Grete's words had succeeded in
disquieting her mother, who took a step to one side, caught sight of the huge
brown mass on the flowered wallpaper, and before she was really conscious that
what she saw was Gregor, screamed in a loud, hoarse voice: "Oh God, oh
God!" fell with outspread arms over the sofa as if giving up, and did not
move. "Gregor!" cried his sister, shaking her fist and glaring at
him. This was the first time she had directly addressed him since his
metamorphosis. She ran into the next room for some aromatic essence with which
to rouse her mother from her fainting fit. Gregor wanted to help too -- there
was still time to rescue the picture -- but he was stuck fast to the glass and
had to tear himself loose; he then ran after his sister into the next room as if
he could advise her, as he used to do; but then had to stand helplessly behind
her; she meanwhile searched among various small bottles and when she turned
around started in alarm at the sight of him; one bottle fell on the floor and
broke; a splinter of glass cut Gregor's face and some kind of corrosive
medicine splashed him; without pausing a moment longer Grete gathered up all
the bottles she could carry and ran to her mother with them; she banged the
door shut with her foot. Gregor was now cut off from his mother, who was
perhaps nearly dying because of him; he dared not open the door for fear of
frightening away his sister, who had to stay with her mother; there was nothing
he could do but wait; and harassed by self-reproach and worry he began now to crawl
to and fro, over everything, walls, furniture, and ceiling, and finally in his
despair, when the whole room seemed to be reeling around him, fell down onto
the middle of the big table.
A little while elapsed, Gregor was
still lying there feebly and all around was quiet, perhaps that was a good
omen. Then the doorbell rang. The servant girl was of course locked in her
kitchen, and Grete would have to open the door. It was his father. "What's
been happening?" were his first words; Grete's face must have told him
everything. Grete answered in a muffled voice, apparently hiding her head on
his breast: "Mother has been fainting, but she's better now. Gregor's
broken loose." "Just what I expected," said his father,
"just what I've been telling you, but you women would never listen."
It was clear to Gregor that his father had taken the worst interpretation of
Grete's all too brief statement and was assuming that Gregor had been guilty of
some violent act. Therefore Gregor must now try to propitiate his father, since
he had neither time nor means for an explanation. And so he fled to the door of
his own room and crouched against it, to let his father see as soon as he came
in from the hall that his son had the good intention of getting back into his
room immediately and that it was not necessary to drive him there, but that if
only the door were opened he would disappear at once.
Yet his father was not in the mood
to perceive such fine distinctions. "Ah!" he cried as soon as he
appeared, in a tone that sounded at once angry and exultant. Gregor drew his
head back from the door and lifted it to look at his father. Truly, this was
not the father he had imagined to himself; admittedly he had been too absorbed
of late in his new recreation of crawling over the ceiling to take the same
interest as before in what was happening elsewhere in the flat, and he ought
really to be prepared for some changes. And yet, and yet, could that be his
father? The man who used to lie wearily sunk in bed whenever Gregor set out on
a business journey; who welcomed him back of an evening lying in a long chair
in a dressing gown; who could not really rise to his feet but only lifted his
arms in greeting, and on the rare occasions when he did go out with his family,
on one or two Sundays a year and on highest holidays, walked between Gregor and
his mother, who were slow walkers anyhow, even more slowly than they did,
muffled in his old greatcoat, shuffling laboriously forward with the help of
his crook-handled stick which he set down most cautiously at every step and,
whenever he wanted to say anything, nearly always came to a full stop and
gathered his escort around him? Now he was standing there in fine shape;
dressed in a smart blue uniform with gold buttons, such as bank messengers
wear; his strong double chin bulged over the stiff high collar of his jacket;
from under his bushy eyebrows his black eyes darted fresh and penetrating
glances; his onetime tangled white hair had been combed flat on either side of
a shining and carefully exact parting. He pitched his cap, which bore a gold
monogram, probably the badge of some bank, in a wide sweep across the whole
room onto a sofa and with the tail-ends of his jacket thrown back, his hands in
his trouser pockets, advanced with a grim visage toward Gregor. Likely enough
he did not himself know what he meant to do; at any rate he lifted his feet
uncommonly high, and Gregor was dumbfounded at the enormous size of his shoe
soles. But Gregor could not risk standing up to him, aware as he had been from
the very first day of his new life that his father believed only the severest
measures suitable for dealing with him. And so he ran before his father,
stopping when he stopped and scuttling forward again when his father made any
kind of move. In this way they circled the room several times without anything
decisive happening, indeed the whole operation did not even look like a pursuit
because it was carried out so slowly. And so Gregor did not leave the floor,
for he feared that his father might take as a piece of peculiar wickedness any
excursion of his over the walls or the ceiling. All the same, he could not stay
this course much longer, for while his father took one step he had to carry out
a whole series of movements. He was already beginning to feel breathless, just
as in his former life his lungs had not been very dependable. As he was
staggering along, trying to concentrate his energy on running, hardly keeping
his eyes open; in his dazed state never even thinking of any other escape than
simply going forward; and having almost forgotten that the walls were free to
him, which in this room were well provided with finely carved pieces of
furniture full of knobs and crevices -- suddenly something lightly flung landed
close behind him and rolled before him. It was an apple; a second apple
followed immediately; Gregor came to a stop in alarm; there was no point in
running on, for his father was determined to bombard him. He had filled his
pockets with fruit from the dish on the sideboard and was now shying apple
after apple, without taking particularly good aim for the moment. The small red
apples rolled about the floor as if magnetized and cannoned into each other. An
apple thrown without much force grazed Gregor's back and glanced off
harmlessly. But another following immediately landed right on his back and sank
in; Gregor wanted to drag himself forward, as if this startling, incredible
pain could be left behind him; but he felt as if nailed to the spot and
flattened himself out in a complete derangement of all his senses. With his
last conscious look he saw the door of his room being torn open and his mother
rushing out ahead of his screaming
sister, in her underbodice, for her daughter
had loosened her clothing to let her breathe more freely and recover from her
swoon, he saw his mother rushing toward his father, leaving one after another
behind her on the floor her
loosened petticoats, stumbling
over her petticoats straight to his father and
embracing him, in complete union with him -- but here Gregor's sight began to
fail -- with her hands clasped around his father's neck as she begged for her
son's life.
III
The serious injury done to Gregor,
which disabled him for more than a month -- the apple went on sticking in his
body as a visible reminder, since no one ventured to remove it -- seemed to
have made even his father recollect that Gregor was a member of the family,
despite his present unfortunate and repulsive shape, and ought not to be
treated as an enemy, that, on the contrary, family duty required the
suppression of disgust and the exercise of patience, nothing but patience.
And although his injury had
impaired, probably forever, his powers of movement, and for the time being it
took him long, long minutes to creep across his room like an old invalid --
there was no question now of crawling up the wall -- yet in his own opinion he
was sufficiently compensated for this worsening of his condition by the fact
that toward evening the living-room door, which he used to watch intently for
an hour or two beforehand, was always thrown open, so that lying in the
darkness of his room, invisible to the family, he could see them all at the
lamp-lit table and listen to their talk, by general consent as it were, very
different from his earlier eavesdropping.
True, their intercourse lacked the
lively character of former times, which he had always called to mind with a
certain wistfulness in the small hotel bedrooms where he had been wont to throw
himself down, tired out, on damp bedding. They were now mostly very silent.
Soon after supper his father would fall asleep in his armchair; his mother and
sister would admonish each other to be silent; his mother, bending low over the
lamp, stitched at fine sewing for an underwear firm; his sister, who had taken
a job as a salesgirl, was learning shorthand and French in the evenings on the
chance of bettering herself. Sometimes his father woke up, and as if quite
unaware that he had been sleeping said to his mother: "What a lot of
sewing you're doing today!" and at once fell asleep again, while the two
women exchanged a tired smile.
With a kind of mulishness his father
persisted in keeping his uniform on even in the house; his dressing gown hung
uselessly on its peg and he slept fully dressed where he sat, as if he were
ready for service at any moment and even here only at the beck and call of his
superior. As a result, his uniform, which was not brand-new to start with,
began to look dirty, despite all the loving care of the mother and sister to
keep it clean, and Gregor often spent whole evenings gazing at the many greasy
spots on the garment, gleaming with gold buttons always in a high state of
polish, in which the old man sat sleeping in extreme discomfort and yet quite
peacefully.
As soon as the clock struck ten his
mother tried to rouse his father with gentle words and to persuade him after
that to get into bed, for sitting there he could not have a proper sleep and
that was what he needed most, since he had to go on duty at six. But with the
mulishness that had obsessed him since he became a bank messenger he always
insisted on staying longer at the table, although he regularly fell asleep
again and in the end only with the greatest trouble could be got out of his
armchair and into his bed. However insistently Gregor's mother and sister kept
urging him with gentle reminders, he would go on slowly shaking his head for a
quarter of an hour, keeping his eyes shut, and refuse to get to his feet. The
mother plucked at his sleeve, whispering endearments in his ear, the sister
left her lessons to come to her mother's help, but Gregor's father was not to
be caught. He would only sink down deeper in his chair. Not until the two women
hoisted him up by the armpits did he open his eyes and look at them both, one
after the other, usually with the remark: "This is a life. This is the
peace and quiet of my old age." And leaning on the two of them he would
heave himself up, with difficulty, as if he were a great burden to himself,
suffer them to lead him as far as the door and then wave them off and go on
alone, while the mother abandoned her needlework and the sister her pen in
order to run after him and help him farther.
Who could find time, in this
overworked and tired-out family, to bother about Gregor more than was
absolutely needful? The household was reduced more and more; the servant girl
was turned off; a gigantic bony charwoman with white hair flying around her
head came in morning and evening to do the rough work; everything else was done
by Gregor's mother, as well as great piles of sewing. Even various family
ornaments, which his mother and sister used to wear with pride at parties and
celebrations, had to be sold, as Gregor discovered of an evening from hearing
them all discuss the prices obtained. But what they lamented most was the fact
that they could not leave the flat which was much too big for their present
circumstances, because they could not think of any way to shift Gregor. Yet
Gregor saw well enough that consideration for him was not the main difficulty
preventing the removal, for they could have easily shifted him in some suitable
box with a few air holes in it; what really kept them from moving into another
flat was rather their own complete hopelessness and the belief that they had
been singled out for a misfortune such as had never happened to any of their
relations or acquaintances. They fulfilled to the uttermost all that the world
demands of poor people, the father fetched breakfast for the small clerks in
the bank, the mother devoted her energy to making underwear for strangers, the
sister trotted to and fro behind the counter at the behest of customers, but
more than this they had not the strength to do. And the wound in Gregor's back
began to nag at him afresh when his mother and sister, after getting his father
into bed, came back again, left their work lying, drew close to each other, and
sat cheek by cheek; when his mother, pointing toward his room, said: "Shut
that door now, Grete," and he was left again in darkness, while next door
the women mingled their tears or perhaps sat dry-eyed staring at the table.
Gregor hardly slept at all by night
or by day. He was often haunted by the idea that next time the door opened he
would take the family's affairs in hand again just as he used to do; once more,
after this long interval, there appeared in his thoughts the figures of the
chief and the chief clerk, the commercial travelers and the apprentices, the
porter who was so dull-witted, two or three friends in other firms, a
chambermaid in one of the rural hotels, a sweet and fleeting memory, a cashier
in a milliner's shop, whom he had wooed earnestly but too slowly -- they all
appeared, together with strangers or people he had quite forgotten, but instead
of helping him and his family they were one and all unapproachable and he was
glad when they vanished. At other times he would not be in the mood to bother
about his family, he was only filled with rage at the way they were neglecting
him, and although he had no clear idea of what he might care to eat he would
make plans for getting into the larder to take the food that was after all his
due, even if he were not hungry. His sister no longer took thought to bring him
what might especially please him, but in the morning and at noon before she
went to business hurriedly pushed into his room with her foot any food that was
available, and in the evening cleared it out again with one sweep of the broom,
heedless of whether it had been merely tasted, or -- as most frequently
happened -- left untouched. The cleaning of his room, which she now did always
in the evenings, could not have been more hastily done. Streaks of dirt
stretched along the walls, here and there lay balls of dust and filth. At first
Gregor used to station himself in some particularly filthy corner when his
sister arrived, in order to reproach her with it, so to speak. But he could
have sat there for weeks without getting her to make any improvement; she could
see the dirt as well as he did, but she had simply made up her mind to leave it
alone. And yet, with a touchiness that was new to her, which seemed anyhow to
have infected the whole family, she jealously guarded her claim to be the sole
caretaker of Gregor's room. His mother once subjected his room to a thorough
cleaning, which was achieved only by means of several buckets of water -- all
this dampness of course upset Gregor too and he lay widespread, sulky, and
motionless on the sofa -- but she was well punished for it. Hardly had his
sister noticed the changed aspect of his room that evening than she rushed in
high dudgeon into the living room and, despite the imploringly raised hands of
her mother, burst into a storm of weeping, while her parents -- her father had
of course been startled out of his chair -- looked on at first in helpless
amazement; then they too began to go into action; the father reproached the
mother on his right for not having left the cleaning of Gregor's room to his
sister; shrieked at the sister on his left that never again was she to be
allowed to clean Gregor's room; while the mother tried to pull the father into
his bedroom, since he was beyond himself with agitation; the sister, shaken
with sobs, then beat upon the table with her small fists; and Gregor hissed
loudly with rage because not one of them thought of shutting the door to spare
him such a spectacle and so much noise.
Still, even if the sister, exhausted
by her daily work, had grown tired of looking after Gregor as she did formerly,
there was no need for his mother's intervention or for Gregor's being neglected
at all. The charwoman was there. This old widow, whose strong bony frame had
enabled her to survive the worst a long life could offer, by no means recoiled
from Gregor. Without being in the least curious she had once by chance opened
the door of his room and at the sight of Gregor, who, taken by surprise, began
to rush to and fro although no one was chasing him, merely stood there with her
arms folded. From that time she never failed to open his door a little for a
moment, morning and evening, to have a look at him. At first she even used to
call him to her, with words which apparently she took to be friendly, such as:
"Come along, then, you old dung beetle!" or "Look at the old
dung beetle, then!" To such allocutions Gregor made no answer, but stayed
motionless where he was, as if the door had never been opened. Instead of being
allowed to disturb him so senselessly whenever the whim took her, she should
rather have been ordered to clean out his room daily, that charwoman! Once,
early in the morning -- heavy rain was lashing on the windowpanes, perhaps a
sign that spring was on the way -- Gregor was so exasperated when she began
addressing him again that he ran at her, as if to attack her, although slowly
and feebly enough. But the charwoman instead of showing fright merely lifted
high a chair that happened to be beside the door, and as she stood there with
her mouth wide open it was clear that she meant to shut it only when she
brought the chair down on Gregor's back. "So you're not coming any nearer?"
she asked, as Gregor turned away again, and quietly put the chair back into the
corner.
Gregor was now eating hardly
anything. Only when he happened to pass the food laid out for him did he take a
bit of something in his mouth as a pastime, kept it there for an hour at a
time, and usually spat it out again. At first he thought it was chagrin over
the state of his room that prevented him from eating, yet he soon got used to
the various changes in his room. It had become a habit in the family to push
into his room things there was no room for elsewhere, and there were plenty of
these now, since one of the rooms had been let to three lodgers. These serious
gentlemen -- all three of them with full beards, as Gregor once observed
through a crack in the door -- had a passion for order, not only in their own
room but, since they were now members of the household, in all its
arrangements, especially in the kitchen. Superfluous, not to say dirty, objects
they could not bear. Besides, they had brought with them most of the furnishings
they needed. For this reason many things could be dispensed with that it was no
use trying to sell but that should not be thrown away either. All of them found
their way into Gregor's room. The ash can likewise and the kitchen garbage can.
Anything that was not needed for the moment was simply flung into Gregor's room
by the charwoman, who did everything in a hurry; fortunately Gregor usually saw
only the object, whatever it was, and the hand that held it. Perhaps she
intended to take the things away again as time and opportunity offered, or to
collect them until she could throw them all out in a heap, but in fact they
just lay wherever she happened to throw them, except when Gregor pushed his way
through the junk heap and shifted it somewhat, at first out of necessity,
because he had not room enough to crawl, but later with increasing enjoyment,
although after such excursions, being sad and weary to death, he would lie
motionless for hours. And since the lodgers often ate their supper at home in the
common living room, the living-room door stayed shut many an evening, yet
Gregor reconciled himself quite easily to the shutting of the door, for often
enough on evenings when it was opened he had disregarded it entirely and lain
in the darkest corner of his room, quite unnoticed by the family. But on one
occasion the charwoman left the door open a little and it stayed ajar even when
the lodgers came in for supper and the lamp was lit. They set themselves at the
top end of the table where formerly Gregor and his father and mother had eaten
their meals, unfolded their napkins, and took knife and fork in hand. At once
his mother appeared in the other doorway with a dish of meat and close behind
her his sister with a dish of potatoes piled high. The food steamed with a
thick vapor. The lodgers bent over the food set before them as if to scrutinize
it before eating, in fact the man in the middle, who seemed to pass for an
authority with the other two, cut a piece of meat as it lay on the dish,
obviously to discover if it were tender or should be sent back to the kitchen.
He showed satisfaction, and Gregor's mother and sister, who had been watching
anxiously, breathed freely and began to smile.
The family itself took its meals in
the kitchen. Nonetheless, Gregor's father came into the living room before
going into the kitchen and with one prolonged bow, cap in hand, made a round of
the table. The lodgers all stood up and murmured something in their beards.
When they were alone again they ate their food in almost complete silence. It
seemed remarkable to Gregor that among the various noises coming from the table
he could always distinguish the sound of their masticating teeth, as if this
were a sign to Gregor that one needed teeth in order to eat, and that with
toothless jaws even of the finest make one could do nothing. "I'm hungry
enough," said Gregor sadly to himself, "but not for that kind of
food. How these lodgers are stuffing themselves, and here am I dying of starvation!"
On that very evening -- during the
whole of his time there Gregor could not remember ever having heard the violin
-- the sound of violin-playing came from the kitchen. The lodgers had already
finished their supper, the one in the middle had brought out a newspaper and
given the other two a page apiece, and now they were leaning back at ease
reading and smoking. When the violin began to play they pricked up their ears,
got to their feet, and went on tiptoe to the hall door where they stood huddled
together. Their movements must have been heard in the kitchen, for Gregor's
father called out: "Is the violin-playing disturbing you, gentlemen? It
can be stopped at once." "On the contrary," said the middle
lodger, "could not Fräulein Samsa come and play in this room, beside us,
where it is much more convenient and comfortable?" "Oh
certainly," cried Gregor's father, as if he were the violin-player. The
lodgers came back into the living room and waited. Presently Gregor's father
arrived with the music stand, his mother carrying the music and his sister with
the violin. His sister quietly made everything ready to start playing; his
parents, who had never let rooms before and so had an exaggerated idea of the
courtesy due to lodgers, did not venture to sit down on their own chairs; his
father leaned against the door, the right hand thrust between two buttons of
his livery coat, which was formally buttoned up; but his mother was offered a
chair by one of the lodgers and, since she left the chair just where he had
happened to put it, sat down in a corner to one side.
Gregor's sister began to play; the
father and mother, from either side, intently watched the movements of her
hands. Gregor, attracted by the playing, ventured to move forward a little
until his head was actually inside the living room. He felt hardly any surprise
at his growing lack of consideration for the others; there had been a time when
he prided himself on being considerate. And yet just on this occasion he had
more reason than ever to hide himself, since, owing to the amount of dust that
lay thick in his room and rose into the air at the slightest movement, he too
was covered with dust; fluff and hair and remnants of food trailed with him,
caught on his back and along his sides; his indifference to everything was much
too great for him to turn on his back and scrape himself clean on the carpet,
as once he had done several times a day. And in spite of his condition, no
shame deterred him from advancing a little over the spotless floor of the
living room.
To be sure, no one was aware of him.
The family was entirely absorbed in the violin-playing; the lodgers, however,
who first of all had stationed themselves, hands in pockets, much too close
behind the music stand so that they could all have read the music, which must
have bothered his sister, had soon retreated to the window, half whispering
with downbent heads, and stayed there while his father turned an anxious eye on
them. Indeed, they were making it more than obvious that they had been
disappointed in their expectation of hearing good or enjoyable violin-playing,
that they had had more than enough of the performance and only out of courtesy
suffered a continued disturbance of their peace. From the way they all kept
blowing the smoke of their cigars high in the air through nose and mouth one
could divine their irritation. And yet Gregor's sister was playing so
beautifully. Her face leaned sideways, intently and sadly her eyes followed the
notes of music. Gregor crawled a little farther forward and lowered his head to
the ground so that it might be possible for his eyes to meet hers. Was he an
animal, that music had such an effect upon him? He felt as if the way were
opening before him to the unknown nourishment he craved. He was determined to
push forward till he reached his sister, to pull at her skirt and so let her
know that she was to come into his room with her violin, for no one here
appreciated her playing as he would appreciate it. He would never let her out
of his room, at least, not so long as he lived; his frightful appearance would
become, for the first time, useful to him; he would watch all the doors of his
room at once and spit at intruders; but his sister should need no constraint,
she should stay with him of her own free will; she should sit beside him on the
sofa, bend down her ear to him, and hear him confide that he had had the firm
intention of sending her to the Conservatorium, and that, but for his mishap,
last Christmas -- surely Christmas was long past? -- he would have announced it
to everybody without allowing a single objection. After this confession his
sister would be so touched that she would burst into tears, and Gregor would
then raise himself to her shoulder and kiss her on the neck, which, now that
she went to business, she kept free of any ribbon or collar.
"Mr. Samsa!" cried the
middle lodger to Gregor's father, and pointed, without wasting any more words,
at Gregor, now working himself slowly forward. The violin fell silent, the
middle lodger first smiled to his friends with a shake of the head and then
looked at Gregor again. Instead of driving Gregor out, his father seemed to
think it more needful to begin by soothing down the lodgers, although they were
not at all agitated and apparently found Gregor more entertaining than the
violin-playing. He hurried toward them and, spreading out his arms, tried to
urge them back into their own room and at the same time to block their view of
Gregor. They now began to be really a little angry, one could not tell whether
because of the old man's behavior or because it had just dawned on them that
all unwittingly they had such a neighbor as Gregor next door. They demanded
explanations of his father, they waved their arms like him, tugged uneasily at
their beards, and only with reluctance backed toward their room. Meanwhile
Gregor's sister, who stood there as if lost when her playing was so abruptly
broken off, came to life again, pulled herself together all at once after
standing for a while holding violin and bow in nervelessly hanging hands and
staring at her music, pushed her violin into the lap of her mother, who was
still sitting in her chair fighting asthmatically for breath, and ran into the
lodgers' room to which they were now being shepherded by her father rather more
quickly than before. One could see the pillows and blankets on the beds flying
under her accustomed fingers and being laid in order. Before the lodgers had
actually reached their room she had finished making the beds and slipped out.
The old man seemed once more to be
so possessed by his mulish self-assertiveness that he was forgetting all the
respect he should show to his lodgers. He kept driving them on and driving them
on until in the very door of the bedroom the middle lodger stamped his foot
loudly on the floor and so brought him to a halt. "I beg to
announce," said the lodger, lifting one hand and looking also at Gregor's
mother and sister, "that because of the disgusting conditions prevailing
in this household and family" -- here he spat on the floor with emphatic brevity
-- "I give you notice on the spot. Naturally I won't pay you a penny for
the days I have lived here, on the contrary I shall consider bringing an action
for damages against you, based on claims -- believe me -- that will be easily
susceptible of proof." He ceased and stared straight in front of him, as
if he expected something. In fact his two friends at once rushed into the
breach with these words: "And we too give notice on the spot." On
that he seized the door handle and shut the door with a slam.
Gregor's father, groping with his
hands, staggered forward and fell into his chair; it looked as if he were
stretching himself there for his ordinary evening nap, but the marked jerkings
of his head, which were as if uncontrollable, showed that he was far from
asleep. Gregor had simply stayed quietly all the time on the spot where the
lodgers had espied him. Disappointment at the failure of his plan, perhaps also
the weakness arising from extreme hunger, made it impossible for him to move.
He feared, with a fair degree of certainty, that at any moment the general
tension would discharge itself in a combined attack upon him, and he lay
waiting. He did not react even to the noise made by the violin as it fell off
his mother's lap from under her trembling fingers and gave out a resonant note.
"My dear parents," said
his sister, slapping her hand on the table by way of introduction, "things
can't go on like this. Perhaps you don't realize that, but I do. I won't utter
my brother's name in the presence of this creature, and so all I say is: we
must try to get rid of it. We've tried to look after it and to put up with it
as far as is humanly possible, and I don't think anyone could reproach us in
the slightest."
"She is more than right,"
said Gregor's father to himself. His mother, who was still choking for lack of
breath, began to cough hollowly into her hand with a wild look in her eyes.
His sister rushed over to her and
held her forehead. His father's thoughts seemed to have lost their vagueness at
Grete's words, he sat more upright, fingering his service cap that lay among
the plates still lying on the table from the lodgers' supper, and from time to
time looked at the still form of Gregor.
"We must try to get rid of
it," his sister now said explicitly to her father, since her mother was
coughing too much to hear a word, "it will be the death of both of you, I
can see that coming. When one has to work as hard as we do, all of us, one
can't stand this continual torment at home on top of it. At least I can't stand
it any longer." And she burst into such a passion of sobbing that her
tears dropped on her mother's face, where she wiped them off mechanically.
"My dear," said the old
man sympathetically, and with evident understanding, "but what can we
do?"
Gregor's sister merely shrugged her
shoulders to indicate the feeling of helplessness that had now overmastered her
during her weeping fit, in contrast to her former confidence.
"If he could understand
us," said her father, half questioningly; Grete, still sobbing, vehemently
waved a hand to show how unthinkable that was.
"If he could understand
us," repeated the old man, shutting his eyes to consider his daughter's
conviction that understanding was impossible, "then perhaps we might come
to some agreement with him. But as it is --"
"He must go," cried
Gregor's sister, "that's the only solution, Father. You must just try to
get rid of the idea that this is Gregor. The fact that we've believed it for so
long is the root of all our trouble. But how can it be Gregor? If this were
Gregor, he would have realized long ago that human beings can't live with such
a creature, and he'd have gone away on his own accord. Then we wouldn't have
any brother, but we'd be able to go on living and keep his memory in honor. As
it is, this creature persecutes us, drives away our lodgers, obviously wants
the whole apartment to himself, and would have us all sleep in the gutter. Just
look, Father," she shrieked all at once, "he's at it again!" And
in an access of panic that was quite incomprehensible to Gregor she even
quitted her mother, literally thrusting the chair from her as if she would
rather sacrifice her mother than stay so near to Gregor, and rushed behind her
father, who also rose up, being simply upset by her agitation, and half spread
his arms out as if to protect her.
Yet Gregor had not the slightest
intention of frightening anyone, far less his sister. He had only begun to turn
around in order to crawl back to his room, but it was certainly a startling
operation to watch, since because of his disabled condition he could not
execute the difficult turning movements except by lifting his head and then
bracing it against the floor over and over again. He paused and looked around.
His good intentions seemed to have been recognized; the alarm had only been
momentary. Now they were all watching him in melancholy silence. His mother lay
in her chair, her legs stiffly outstretched and pressed together, her eyes
almost closing for sheer weariness; his father and his sister were sitting
beside each other, his sister's arm around the old man's neck.
Perhaps I can go on turning around
now, thought Gregor, and began his labors again. He could not stop himself from
panting with the effort, and had to pause now and then to take breath. Nor did
anyone harass him, he was left entirely to himself. When he had completed the
turn-around he began at once to crawl straight back. He was amazed at the
distance separating him from his room and could not understand how in his weak
state he had managed to accomplish the same journey so recently, almost without
remarking it. Intent on crawling as fast as possible, he barely noticed that
not a single word, not an ejaculation from his family, interfered with his
progress. Only when he was already in the doorway did he turn his head around,
not completely, for his neck muscles were getting stiff, but enough to see that
nothing had changed behind him except that his sister had risen to her feet.
His last glance fell on his mother, who was not quite overcome by sleep.
Hardly was he well inside his room
when the door was hastily pushed shut, bolted, and locked. The sudden noise in
his rear startled him so much that his little legs gave beneath him. It was his
sister who had shown such haste. She had been standing ready waiting and had
made a light spring forward, Gregor had not even heard her coming, and she
cried "At last!" to her parents as she turned the key in the lock.
"And what now?" said
Gregor to himself, looking around in the darkness. Soon he made the discovery
that he was now unable to stir a limb. This did not surprise him, rather it
seemed unnatural that he should ever actually have been able to move on these
feeble little legs. Otherwise he felt relatively comfortable. True, his whole
body was aching, but it seemed that the pain was gradually growing less and
would finally pass away. The rotting apple in his back and the inflamed area
around it, all covered with soft dust, already hardly troubled him. He thought
of his family with tenderness and love. The decision that he must disappear was
one that he held to even more strongly than his sister, if that were possible.
In this state of vacant and peaceful meditation he remained until the tower
clock struck three in the morning. The first broadening of light in the world
outside the window entered his consciousness once more. Then his head sank to
the floor of its own accord and from his nostrils came the last faint flicker
of his breath.
When the charwoman arrived early in
the morning -- what between her strength and her impatience she slammed all the
doors so loudly, never mind how often she had been begged not to do so, that no
one in the whole apartment could enjoy any quiet sleep after her arrival -- she
noticed nothing unusual as she took her customary peep into Gregor's room. She
thought he was lying motionless on purpose, pretending to be in the sulks; she
credited him with every kind of intelligence. Since she happened to have the
long-handled broom in her hand she tried to tickle him up with it from the
doorway. When that too produced no reaction she felt provoked and poked at him
a little harder, and only when she had pushed him along the floor without
meeting any resistance was her attention aroused. It did not take her long to
establish the truth of the matter, and her eyes widened, she let out a whistle,
yet did not waste much time over it but tore open the door of the Samsas'
bedroom and yelled into the darkness at the top of her voice: "Just look
at this, it's dead; it's lying here dead and done for!"
Mr. and Mrs. Samsa started up in
their double bed and before they realized the nature of the charwoman's
announcement had some difficulty in overcoming the shock of it. But then they
got out of bed quickly, one on either side, Mr. Samsa throwing a blanket over
his shoulders, Mrs. Samsa in nothing but her nightgown; in this array they
entered Gregor's room. Meanwhile the door of the living room opened, too, where
Grete had been sleeping since the advent of the lodgers; she was completely
dressed as if she had not been to bed, which seemed to be confirmed also by the
paleness of her face. "Dead?" said Mrs. Samsa, looking questioningly
at the charwoman, although she would have investigated for herself, and the
fact was obvious enough without investigation. "I should say so,"
said the charwoman, proving her words by pushing Gregor's corpse a long way to
one side with her broomstick. Mrs. Samsa made a movement as if to stop her, but
checked it. "Well," said Mr. Samsa, "now thanks be to God."
He crossed himself, and the three women followed his example. Grete, whose eyes
never left the corpse, said: "Just see how thin he was. It's such a long
time since he's eaten anything. The food came out again just as it went
in." Indeed, Gregor's body was completely flat and dry, as could only now
be seen when it was no longer supported by the legs and nothing prevented one
from looking closely at it.
"Come in beside us, Grete, for
a little while," said Mrs. Samsa with a tremulous smile, and Grete, not
without looking back at the corpse, followed her parents into their bedroom.
The charwoman shut the door and opened the window wide. Although it was so
early in the morning a certain softness was perceptible in the fresh air. After
all, it was already the end of March.
The three lodgers emerged from their
room and were surprised to see no breakfast; they had been forgotten.
"Where's our breakfast?" said the middle lodger peevishly to the
charwoman. But she put her finger to her lips and hastily, without a word,
indicated by gestures that they should go into Gregor's room. They did so and
stood, their hands in the pockets of their somewhat shabby coats, around
Gregor's corpse in the room where it was now fully light.
At that the door of the Samsas'
bedroom opened and Mr. Samsa appeared in his uniform, his wife on one arm, his
daughter on the other. They all looked a little as if they had been crying;
from time to time Grete hid her face on her father's arm.
"Leave my house at once!"
said Mr. Samsa, and pointed to the door without disengaging himself from the
women. "What do you mean by that?" said the middle lodger, taken
somewhat aback, with a feeble smile. The two others put their hands behind them
and kept rubbing them together, as if in gleeful expectation of a fine set-to
in which they were bound to come off the winners. "I mean just what I
say," answered Mr. Samsa, and advanced in a straight line with his two
companions toward the lodger. He stood his ground at first quietly, looking at
the floor as if his thoughts were taking a new pattern in his head. "Then
let us go, by all means," he said, and looked up at Mr. Samsa as if in a
sudden access of humility he were expecting some renewed sanction for this
decision. Mr. Samsa merely nodded briefly once or twice with meaning eyes. Upon
that the lodger really did go with long strides into the hall, his two friends
had been listening and had quite stopped rubbing their hands for some moments
and now went scuttling after him as if afraid that Mr. Samsa might get into the
hall before them and cut them off from their leader. In the hall they all three
took their hats from the rack, their sticks from the umbrella stand, bowed in
silence, and quitted the apartment. With a suspiciousness that proved quite
unfounded Mr. Samsa and the two women followed them out to the landing; leaning
over the banister they watched the three figures slowly but surely going down
the long stairs, vanishing from sight at a certain turn of the staircase on
every floor and coming into view again after a moment or so; the more they
dwindled, the more the Samsa family's interest in them dwindled, and when a
butcher's boy met them and passed them on the stairs coming up proudly with a
tray on his head, Mr. Samsa and the two women soon left the landing and as if a
burden had been lifted from them went back into their apartment.
They decided to spend this day in
resting and going for a stroll; they had not only deserved such a respite from
work, but absolutely needed it. And so they sat down at the table and wrote
three notes of excuse, Mr. Samsa to his board of management, Mrs. Samsa to her
employer, and Grete to the head of her firm. While they were writing, the
charwoman came in to say that she was going now, since her morning's work was
finished. At first they only nodded without looking up, but as she kept
hovering there they eyed her irritably. "Well?" said Mr. Samsa. The
charwoman stood grinning in the doorway as if she had good news to impart to
the family but meant not to say a word unless properly questioned. The small
ostrich feather standing upright on her hat, which had annoyed Mr. Samsa ever
since she was engaged, was waving gaily in all directions. "Well, what is
it then?" asked Mrs. Samsa, who obtained more respect from the charwoman
than the others. "Oh," said the charwoman, giggling so amiably that
she could not at once continue, "just this, you don't need to bother about
how to get rid of the thing next door. It's been seen to already." Mrs.
Samsa and Grete bent over their letters again, as if preoccupied; Mr. Samsa,
who perceived that she was eager to begin describing it all in detail, stopped
her with a decisive hand. But since she was not allowed to tell her story, she
remembered the great hurry she was in, obviously deeply huffed: "Bye, everybody,"
she said, whirling off violently, and departed with a frightful slamming of
doors.
"She'll be given notice
tonight," said Mr. Samsa, but neither from his wife nor his daughter did
he get any answer, for the charwoman seemed to have shattered again the
composure they had barely achieved. They rose, went to the window and stayed
there, clasping each other tight. Mr. Samsa turned in his chair to look at them
and quietly observed them for a little. Then he called out: "Come along,
now, do. Let bygones be bygones. And you might have some consideration for
me." The two of them complied at once, hastened to him, caressed him, and
quickly finished their letters.
Then they all three left the
apartment together, which was more than they had done for months, and went by
tram into the open country outside the town. The tram, in which they were the
only passengers, was filled with warm sunshine. Leaning comfortably back in
their seats they canvassed their prospects for the future, and it appeared on
closer inspection that these were not at all bad, for the jobs they had got,
which so far they had never really discussed with each other, were all three
admirable and likely to lead to better things later on. The greatest immediate
improvement in their condition would of course arise from moving to another
house; they wanted to take a smaller and cheaper but also better situated and
more easily run apartment than the one they had, which Gregor had selected.
While they were thus conversing, it struck both Mr. and Mrs. Samsa, almost at
the same moment, as they became aware of their daughter's increasing vivacity,
that in spite of all the sorrow of recent times, which had made her cheeks
pale, she had bloomed into a pretty girl with a good figure. They grew quieter
and half unconsciously exchanged glances of complete agreement, having come to
the conclusion that it would soon be time to find a good husband for her. And
it was like a confirmation of their new dreams and excellent intentions that at
the end of their journey their daughter sprang to her feet first and stretched
her young body.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
In
the Penal Colony
"It's a remarkable piece of apparatus,"
said the officer to the explorer and surveyed with a certain air of admiration
the apparatus which was after all quite familiar to him. The explorer seemed to
have accepted merely out of politeness the Commandant's invitation to witness the
execution of a soldier condemned to death for disobedience and insulting
behavior to a superior. Nor did the colony itself betray much interest in this
execution. At least, in the small sandy valley, a deep hollow surrounded on all
sides by naked crags, there was no one present save the officer, the explorer,
the condemned man, who was a stupid-looking, wide-mouthed creature with
bewildered hair and face, and the soldier who held the heavy chain controlling
the small chains locked on the prisoner's ankles, wrists, and neck, chains that
were themselves attached to each other by communicating links. In any case, the
condemned man looked so like a submissive dog that one might have thought he
could be left to run free on the surrounding hills and would only need to be
whistled for when the execution was due to begin.
The explorer did not much care about
the apparatus and walked up and down behind the prisoner with almost visible
indifference while the officer made the last adjustments, now creeping beneath
the structure, which was bedded deep in the earth, now climbing a ladder to
inspect its upper parts. These were tasks that might well have been left to a
mechanic, but the officer performed them with great zeal, whether because he
was a devoted admirer of the apparatus or because of other reasons the work
could be entrusted to no one else. "Ready now!" he called at last and
climbed down from the ladder. He looked uncommonly limp, breathed with his
mouth wide open, and had tucked two fine ladies' handkerchiefs under the collar
of his uniform. "These uniforms are too heavy for the tropics,
surely," said the explorer, instead of making some inquiry about the
apparatus, as the officer had expected. "Of course," said the
officer, washing his oily and greasy hands in a bucket of water that stood
ready, "but they mean home to us; we don't want to forget about home. Now
just have a look at this machine," he added at once, simultaneously drying
his hands on a towel and indicating the apparatus. "Up till now a few
things still had to be set by hand, but from this moment it works all by
itself." The explorer nodded and followed him. The officer, anxious to
secure himself against all contingencies, said: "Things sometimes go
wrong, of course; I hope that nothing goes wrong today, but we have to allow
for the possibility. The machinery should go on working continuously for twelve
hours. But if anything does go wrong it will only be some small matter that can
be set right at once."
"Won't you take a seat?"
he asked finally, drawing a cane chair out from among a heap of them and
offering it to the explorer, who could not refuse it. He was now sitting at the
edge of a pit, into which he glanced for a fleeting moment. It was not very
deep. On one side of the pit the excavated soil had been piled up in a rampart,
on the other side of it stood the apparatus. "I don't know," said the
officer, "if the Commandant has already explained this apparatus to
you." The explorer waved one hand vaguely; the officer asked for nothing
better, since now he could explain the apparatus himself. "This
apparatus," he said, taking hold of a crank handle and leaning against it,
"was invented by our former Commandant. I assisted at the very earliest
experiments and had a share in all the work until its completion. But the
credit of inventing it belongs to him alone. Have you ever heard of our former
Commandant? No? Well, it isn't saying too much if I tell you that the
organization of the whole penal colony is his work. We who were his friends
knew even before he died that the organization of the colony was so perfect
that his successor, even with a thousand new schemes in his head, would find it
impossible to alter anything, at least for many years to come. And our prophecy
has come true; the new Commandant has had to acknowledge its truth. A pity you
never met the old Commandant! -- But," the officer interrupted himself,
"I am rambling on, and here stands his apparatus before us. It consists,
as you see, of three parts. In the course of time each of these parts has
acquired a kind of popular nickname. The lower one is called the 'Bed,' the
upper one the 'Designer,' and this one here in the middle that moves up and
down is called the 'Harrow.' " "The Harrow?" asked the explorer.
He had not been listening very attentively, the glare of the sun in the
shadeless valley was altogether too strong, it was difficult to collect one's
thoughts. All the more did he admire the officer, who in spite of his
tight-fitting full-dress uniform coat, amply befrogged and weighed down by
epaulettes, was pursuing his subject with such enthusiasm and, besides talking,
was still tightening a screw here and there with a spanner. As for the soldier,
he seemed to be in much the same condition as the explorer. He had wound the
prisoner's chain around both his wrists, propped himself on his rifle, let his
head hang, and was paying no attention to anything. That did not surprise the
explorer, for the officer was speaking French, and certainly neither the
soldier nor the prisoner understood a word of French. It was all the more
remarkable, therefore, that the prisoner was nonetheless making an effort to
follow the officer's explanations. With a kind of drowsy persistence he
directed his gaze wherever the officer pointed a finger, and at the interruption
of the explorer's question he, too, as well as the officer, looked around.
"Yes, the Harrow," said
the officer, "a good name for it. The needles are set in like the teeth of
a harrow and the whole thing works something like a harrow, although its action
is limited to one place and contrived with much more artistic skill. Anyhow,
you'll soon understand it. On the Bed here the condemned man is laid -- I'm
going to describe the apparatus first before I set it in motion. Then you'll be
able to follow the proceedings better. Besides, one of the cogwheels in the
Designer is badly worn; it creaks a lot when it's working; you can hardly hear
yourself speak; spare parts, unfortunately, are difficult to get here. -- Well,
here is the Bed, as I told you. It is completely covered with a layer of cotton
wool; you'll find out why later. On this cotton wool the condemned man is laid,
face down, quite naked, of course; here are straps for the hands, here for the
feet, and here for the neck, to bind him fast. Here at the head of the Bed,
where the rnan, as I said, first lays down his face, is this little gag of
felt, which can be easily regulated to go straight into his mouth. It is meant
to keep him from screaming and biting his tongue. Of course the man is forced to
take the felt into his mouth, for otherwise his neck would be broken by the
strap." "Is that cotton wool?" asked the explorer, bending
forward. "Yes, certainly," said the officer, with a smile, "feel
it for yourself." He took the explorer's hand and guided it over the Bed.
"It's specially prepared cotton wool, that's why it looks so different;
I'll tell you presently what it's for." The explorer already felt a
dawning interest in the apparatus; he sheltered his eyes from the sun with one
hand and gazed up at the structure. It was a huge affair. The Bed and the
Designer were of the same size and looked like two dark wooden chests. The
Designer hung about two meters above the Bed; each of them was bound at the
corners with four rods of brass that almost flashed out rays in the sunlight.
Between the chests shuttled the Harrow on a ribbon of steel.
The officer had scarcely noticed the
explorer's previous indifference, but he was now well aware of his dawning
interest; so he stopped explaining in order to leave a space of time for quiet
observation. The condemned man imitated the explorer; since he could not use a
hand to shelter his eyes he gazed upwards without shade.
"Well, the man lies down,"
said the explorer, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs.
"Yes," said the officer,
pushing his cap back a little and passing one hand over his heated face,
"now listen! Both the Bed and the Designer have an electric battery each;
the Bed needs one for itself, the Designer for the Harrow. As soon as the man
is strapped down, the Bed is set in motion. It quivers in minute, very rapid
vibrations, both from side to side and up and down. You will have seen similar
apparatus in hospitals; but in our Bed the movements are all precisely
calculated; you see, they have to correspond very exactly to the movements of
the Harrow. And the Harrow is the instrument for the actual execution of the
sentence."
"And how does the sentence
run?" asked the explorer.
"You don't know that
either?" said the officer in amazement, and bit his lips. "Forgive me
if my explanations seem rather incoherent. I do beg your pardon. You see, the
Commandant always used to do the explaining; but the new Commandant shirks this
duty; yet that such an important visitor" -- the explorer tried to deprecate
the honor with both hands, the officer, however, insisted -- "that such an
important visitor should not even be told about the kind of sentence we pass is
a new development, which --" He was just on the point of using strong
language but checked himself and said only: "I was not informed, it is not
my fault. In any case, I am certainly the best person to explain our procedure,
since I have here" -- he patted his breast pocket -- "the relevant
drawings made by our former Commandant."
"The Commandant's own
drawings?" asked the explorer. "Did he combine everything in himself,
then? Was he soldier, judge, mechanic, chemist, and draughtsman?"
"Indeed he was," said the
officer, nodding assent, with a remote, glassy look. Then he inspected his
hands critically; they did not seem clean enough to him for touching the
drawings; so he went over to the bucket and washed them again. Then he drew out
a small leather wallet and said: "Our sentence does not sound severe.
Whatever commandment the prisoner has disobeyed is written upon his body by the
Harrow. This prisoner, for instance" -- the officer indicated the man --
"will have written on his body: Honor
Thy Superiors! "
The explorer glanced at the man; he
stood, as the officer pointed him out, with bent head, apparently listening
with all his ears in an effort to catch what was being said. Yet the movement
of his blubber lips, closely pressed together, showed clearly that he could not
understand a word. Many questions were troubling the explorer, but at the sight
of the prisoner he asked only: "Does he know his sentence?"
"No," said the officer, eager to go on with his exposition, but the
explorer interrupted him: "He doesn't know the sentence that has been
passed on him?" "No," said the officer again, pausing a moment
as if to let the explorer elaborate his question, and then said: "There
would be no point in telling him. He'll learn it on his body." The
explorer intended to make no answer, but he felt the prisoner's gaze turned on
him; it seemed to ask if he approved such goings-on. So he bent forward again,
having already leaned back in his chair, and put another question: "But
surely he knows that he has been sentenced?" "Nor that either,"
said the officer, smiling at the explorer as if expecting him to make further
surprising remarks. "No," said the explorer, wiping his forehead,
"then he can't know either whether his defense was effective?"
"He has had no chance of putting up a defense," said the officer,
turning his eyes away as if speaking to himself and so sparing the explorer the
shame of hearing self-evident matters explained. "But he must have had
some chance of defending himself," said the explorer, and rose from his
seat.
The officer realized that he was in
danger of having his exposition of the apparatus held up for a long time; so he
went up to the explorer, took him by the arm, waved a hand toward the condemned
man, who was standing very straight now that he had so obviously become the
center of attention -- the soldier had also given the chain a jerk -- and said:
"This is how the matter stands. I have been appointed judge in this penal
colony. Despite my youth. For I was the former Commandant's assistant in all
penal matters and know more about the apparatus than anyone. My guiding
principle is this: Guilt is never to be doubted. Other courts cannot follow
that principle, for they consist of several opinions and have higher courts to
scrutinize them. That is not the case here, or at least, it was not the case in
the former Commandant's time. The new man has certainly shown some inclination
to interfere with my judgments, but so far I have succeeded in fending him off
and will go on succeeding. You wanted to have the case explained; it is quite
simple, like all of them. A captain reported to me this morning that this man,
who had been assigned to him as a servant and sleeps before his door, had been
asleep on duty. It is his duty, you see, to get up every time the hour strikes
and salute the captain's door. Not an exacting duty, and very necessary, since
he has to be a sentry as well as a servant, and must be alert in both
functions. Last night the captain wanted to see if the man was doing his duty.
He opened the door as the clock struck two and there was his man curled up
asleep. He took his riding whip and lashed him across the face. Instead of
getting up and begging pardon, the man caught hold of his master's legs, shook
him, and cried: 'Throw that whip away or I'll eat you alive.' -- That's the
evidence. The captain came to me an hour ago, I wrote down his statement and
appended the sentence to it. Then I had the man put in chains. That was all
quite simple. If I had first called the man before me and interrogated him,
things would have got into a confused tangle. He would have told lies, and had
I exposed these lies he would have backed them up with more lies, and so on and
so forth. As it is, I've got him and I won't let him go. -- Is that quite clear
now? But we're wasting time, the execution should be beginning and I haven't
finished explaining the apparatus yet." He pressed the explorer back into
his chair, went up again to the apparatus, and began: "As you see, the
shape of the Harrow corresponds to the human form; here is the harrow for the
torso, here are the harrows for the legs. For the head there is only this one
small spike. Is that quite clear?" He bent amiably forward toward the
explorer, eager to provide the most comprehensive explanations.
The explorer considered the Harrow
with a frown. The explanation of the judicial procedure had not satisfied him.
He had to remind himself that this was in any case a penal colony where
extraordinary measures were needed and that military discipline must be
enforced to the last. He also felt that some hope might be set on the new
Commandant, who was apparently of a mind to bring in, although gradually, a new
kind of procedure which the officer's narrow mind was incapable of
understanding. This train of thought prompted his next question: "Will the
Commandant attend the execution?" "It is not certain," said the
officer, wincing at the direct question, and his friendly expression darkened.
"That is just why we have to lose no time. Much as I dislike it, I shall
have to cut my explanations short. But of course tomorrow, when the apparatus
has been cleaned -- its one drawback is that it gets so messy -- I can
recapitulate all the details. For the present, then, only the essentials. --
When the man lies down on the Bed and it begins to vibrate, the Harrow is
lowered onto his body. It regulates itself automatically so that the needles
barely touch his skin; once contact is made the steel ribbon stiffens
immediately into a rigid band. And then the performance begins. An ignorant
onlooker would see no difference between one punishment and another. The Harrow
appears to do its work with uniform regularity. As it quivers, its points
pierce the skin of the body which is itself quivering from the vibration of the
Bed. So that the actual progress of the sentence can be watched, the Harrow is
made of glass. Getting the needles fixed in the glass was a technical problem,
but after many experiments we overcame the difficulty. No trouble was too great
for us to take, you see. And now anyone can look through the glass and watch
the inscription taking form on the body. Wouldn't you care to come a little
nearer and have a look at the needles?"
The explorer got up slowly, walked
across, and bent over the Harrow. "You see," said the officer,
"there are two kinds of needles arranged in multiple patterns. Each long
needle has a short one beside it. The long needle does the writing, and the
short needle sprays a jet of water to wash away the blood and keep the
inscription clear. Blood and water together are then conducted here through
small runnels into this main runnel and down a waste pipe into the pit."
With his finger the officer traced the exact course taken by the blood and
water. To make the picture as vivid as possible he held both hands below the
outlet of the waste pipe as if to catch the outflow, and when he did this the explorer
drew back his head and feeling behind him with one hand sought to return to his
chair. To his horror he found that the condemned man too had obeyed the
officer's invitation to examine the Harrow at close quarters and had followed
him. He had pulled forward the sleepy soldier with the chain and was bending
over the glass. One could see that his uncertain eyes were trying to perceive
what the two gentlemen had been looking at, but since he had not understood the
explanation he could not make head or tail of it. He was peering this way and
that way. He kept running his eyes along the glass. The explorer wanted to
drive him away, since what he was doing was probably culpable. But the officer
firmly restrained the explorer with one hand and with the other took a clod of
earth from the rampart and threw it at the soldier. He opened his eyes with a
jerk, saw what the condemned man had dared to do, let his rifle fall, dug his
heels into the ground, dragged his prisoner back so that he stumbled and fell
immediately, and then stood looking down at him, watching him struggling and
rattling in his chains. "Set him on his feet!" yelled the officer,
for he noticed that the explorer's attention was being too much distracted by
the prisoner. In fact he was even leaning right across the Harrow, without
taking any notice of it, intent only on finding out what was happening to the
prisoner. "Be careful with him!" cried the officer again. He ran
around the apparatus, himself caught the condemned man under the shoulders, and
with the soldier's help got him up on his feet, which kept slithering from
under him.
"Now I know all about it,"
said the explorer as the officer came back to him. "All except the most
important thing," he answered, seizing the explorer's arm and pointing
upwards: "In the Designer are all the cogwheels that control the movements
of the Harrow, and this machinery is regulated according to the inscription
demanded by the sentence. I am still using the guiding plans drawn by the
former Commandant. Here they are" -- he extracted some sheets from the
leather wallet -- "but I'm sorry I can't let you handle them, they are my
most precious possessions. Just take a seat and I'll hold them in front of you
like this, then you'll be able to see everything quite well." He spread
out the first sheet of paper. The explorer would have liked to say something
appreciative, but all he could see was a labyrinth of lines crossing and
recrossing each other, which covered the paper so thickly that it was difficult
to discern the blank spaces between them. "Read it," said the
officer. "I can't," said the explorer. "Yet it's clear
enough," said the officer. "It's very ingenious," said the
explorer evasively, "but I can't make it out." "Yes," said
the officer with a laugh, putting the paper away again, "it's no
calligraphy for school children. It needs to be studied closely. I'm quite sure
that in the end you would understand it too. Of course the script can't be a
simple one; it's not supposed to kill a man straight off, but only after an interval
of, on an average, twelve hours; the turning point is reckoned to come at the
sixth hour. So there have to be lots and lots of flourishes around the actual
script; the script itself runs around the body only in a narrow girdle; the
rest of the body is reserved for the embellishments. Can you appreciate now the
work accomplished by the Harrow and the whole apparatus? -- Just watch
it!" He ran up the ladder, turned a wheel, called down: "Look out,
keep to one side!" and everything started working. If the wheel had not
creaked, it would have been marvelous. The officer, as if surprised by the
noise of the wheel, shook his fist at it, then spread out his arms in excuse to
the explorer, and climbed down rapidly to peer at the working of the machine
from below. Something perceptible to no one save himself was still not in
order; he clambered up again, did something with both hands in the interior of
the Designer, then slid down one of the rods, instead of using the ladder, so
as to get down quicker, and with the full force of his lungs, to make himself
heard at all in the noise, yelled in the explorer's ear: "Can you follow
it? The Harrow is beginning to write; when it finishes the first draft of the
inscription on the man's back, the layer of cotton wool begins to roll and
slowly turns the body over, to give the Harrow fresh space for writing.
Meanwhile the raw part that has been written on lies on the cotton wool, which
is specially prepared to staunch the bleeding and so makes all ready for a new
deepening of the script. Then these teeth at the edge of the Harrow, as the
body turns further around, tear the cotton wool away from the wounds, throw it
into the pit, and there is more work for the Harrow. So it keeps on writing
deeper and deeper for the whole twelve hours. The first six hours the condemned
man stays alive almost as before, he suffers only pain. After two hours the
felt gag is taken away, for he has no longer strength to scream. Here, into
this electrically heated basin at the head of the Bed, some warm rice pap is
poured, from which the man, if he feels like it, can take as much as his tongue
can lap. Not one of them ever misses the chance. I can remember none, and my
experience is extensive. Only about the sixth hour does the man lose all desire
to eat. I usually kneel down here at that moment and observe what happens. The
man rarely swallows his last mouthful, he only rolls it around his mouth and
spits it out into the pit. I have to duck just then or he would spit it in my
face. But how quiet he grows at just about the sixth hour! Enlightenment comes
to the most dull-witted. It begins around the eyes. From there it radiates. A
moment that might tempt one to get under the Harrow oneself. Nothing more
happens than that the man begins to understand the inscription, he purses his
mouth as if he were listening. You have seen how difficult it is to decipher
the script with one's eyes; but our man deciphers it with his wounds. To be
sure, that is a hard task; he needs six hours to accomplish it. By that time
the Harrow has pierced him quite through and casts him into the pit, where he
pitches down upon the blood and water and the cotton wool. Then the judgment
has been fulfilled, and we, the soldier and I, bury him."
The explorer had inclined his ear to
the officer and with his hands in his jacket pockets watched the machine at
work. The condemned man watched it too, but uncomprehendingly. He bent forward
a little and was intent on the moving needles when the soldier, at a sign from
the officer, slashed through his shirt and trousers from behind with a knife,
so that they fell off; he tried to catch at his falling clothes to cover his
nakedness, but the soldier lifted him into the air and shook the last remnants
from him. The officer stopped the machine, and in the sudden silence the
condemned man was laid under the Harrow. The chains were loosened and the
straps fastened on instead; in the first moment that seemed almost a relief to
the prisoner. And now the Harrow was adjusted a little lower, since he was a
thin man. When the needle points touched him a shudder ran over his skin; while
the soldier was busy strapping his right hand, he flung out his left hand
blindly; but it happened to be in the direction toward where the explorer was
standing. The officer kept watching the explorer sideways, as if seeking to
read from his face the impression made on him by the execution, which had been
at least cursorily explained to him.
The wrist strap broke; probably the
soldier had drawn it too tight. The officer had to intervene, the soldier held
up the broken piece of strap to show him. So the officer went over to him and
said, his face still turned toward the explorer: "This is a very complex
machine, it can't be helped that things are breaking or giving way here and
there; but one must not thereby allow oneself to be diverted in one's general
judgment. In any case, this strap is easily made good; I shall simply use a
chain; the delicacy of the vibrations for the right arm will of course be a
little impaired." And while he fastened the chains, he added: "The
resources for maintaining the machine are now very much reduced. Under the
former Commandant I had free access to a sum of money set aside entirely for
this purpose. There was a store, too, in which spare parts were kept for
repairs of all kinds. I confess I have been almost prodigal with them, I mean
in the past, not now as the new Commandant pretends, always looking for an
excuse to attack our old way of doing things. Now he has taken charge of the
machine money himself, and if I send for a new strap they ask for the broken
old strap as evidence, and the new strap takes ten days to appear and then is
of shoddy material and not much good. But how I am supposed to work the machine
without a strap, that's something nobody bothers about."
The explorer thought to himself:
It's always a ticklish matter to intervene decisively in other people's
affairs. He was neither a member of the penal colony nor a citizen of the state
to which it belonged. Were he to denounce this execution or actually try to
stop it, they could say to him: You are a foreigner, mind your own business. He
could make no answer to that, unless he were to add that he was amazed at
himself in this connection, for he traveled only as an observer, with no
intention at all of altering other people's methods of administering justice.
Yet here he found himself strongly tempted. The injustice of the procedure and
the inhumanity of the execution were undeniable. No one could suppose that he
had any selfish interest in the matter, for the condemned man was a complete
stranger, not a fellow countryman or even at all sympathetic to him. The
explorer himself had recommendations from high quarters, had been received here
with great courtesy, and the very fact that he had been invited to attend the
execution seemed to suggest that his views would be welcome. And this was all
the more likely since the Commandant, as he had heard only too plainly, was no
upholder of the procedure and maintained an attitude almost of hostility to the
officer.
At that moment the explorer heard
the officer cry out in rage. He had just, with considerable difficulty, forced
the felt gag into the condemned man's mouth when the man in an irresistible
access of nausea shut his eyes and vomited. Hastily the officer snatched him
away from the gag and tried to hold his head over the pit; but it was too late,
the vomit was running all over the machine.
"It's all the fault of that Commandant!" cried the officer,
senselessly shaking the brass rods in front, "the machine is befouled like
a pigsty." With trembling hands he indicated to the explorer what had
happened. "Have I not tried for hours at a time to get the Commandant to
understand that the prisoner must fast for a whole day before the execution.
But our new, mild doctrine thinks otherwise. The Commandant's ladies stuff the
man with sugar candy before he's led off. He has lived on stinking fish his
whole life long and now he has to eat sugar candy! But it could still be
possible, I should have nothing to say against it, but why won't they get me a
new felt gag, which I have been begging for the last three months. How should a
man not feel sick when he takes a felt gag into his mouth which more than a
hundred men have already slobbered and gnawed in their dying moments?"
The condemned man had laid his head
down and looked peaceful, the soldier was busy trying to clean the machine with
the prisoner's shirt. The officer advanced toward the explorer who in some
vague presentiment fell back a pace, but the officer seized him by the hand,
and drew him to one side. "I should like to exchange a few words with you
in confidence," he said, "may I?" "Of course," said
the explorer, and listened with downcast eyes.
"This procedure and method of
execution, which you are now having the opportunity to admire, has at the
moment no longer any open adherents in our colony. I am its sole advocate, and
at the same time the sole advocate of the old Commandant's tradition. I can no
longer reckon on any further extension of the method, it takes all my energy to
maintain it as it is. During the old Commandant's lifetime the colony was full
of his adherents; his strength of conviction I still have in some measure, but
not an atom of his power; consequently the adherents have skulked out of sight,
there are still many of them but none of them will admit it. If you were to go
into the teahouse today, on execution day, and listen to what is being said,
you would perhaps hear only ambiguous remarks. These would all be made by
adherents, but under the present Commandant and his present doctrines they are
of no use to me. And now I ask you: because of this Commandant and the women
who influence him, is such a piece of work, the work of a lifetime" -- he
pointed to the machine -- "to perish? Ought one to let that happen? Even
if one has only come as a stranger to our island for a few days? But there's no
time to lose, an attack of some kind is impending on my function as judge;
conferences are already being held in the Commandant's office from which I am
excluded; even your coming here today seems to me a significant move; they are
cowards and use you as a screen, you, a stranger. -- How different an execution
was in the old days! A whole day before the ceremony the valley was packed with
people; they all came only to look on; early in the morning the Commandant
appeared with his ladies; fanfares roused the whole camp; I reported that
everything was in readiness; the assembled company -- no high official dared to
absent himself -- arranged itself around the machine; this pile of cane chairs
is a miserable survival from that epoch. The machine was freshly cleaned and
glittering, I got new spare parts for almost every execution. Before hundreds
of spectators -- all of them standing on tiptoe as far as the heights there --
the condemned man was laid under the Harrow by the Commandant himself. What is
left today for a common soldier to do was then my task, the task of the
presiding judge, and was an honor for me. And then the execution began! No
discordant noise spoiled the working of the machine. Many did not care to watch
it but lay with closed eyes in the sand; they all knew: Now Justice is being
done. In the silence one heard nothing but the condemned man's sighs,
half-muffled by the felt gag. Nowadays the machine can no longer wring from
anyone a sigh louder than the felt gag can stifle; but in those days the
writing needles let drop an acid fluid, which we're no longer permitted to use.
Well, and then came the sixth hour! It was impossible to grant all the requests
to be allowed to watch it from nearby. The Commandant in his wisdom ordained
that the children should have the preference; I, of course, because of my
office had the privilege of always being at hand; often enough I would be
squatting there with a small child in either arm. How we all absorbed the look
of transfiguration on the face of the sufferer, how we bathed our cheeks in the
radiance of that justice, achieved at last and fading so quickly! What times
these were, my comrade!" The officer had obviously forgotten whom he was
addressing; he had embraced the explorer and laid his head on his shoulder. The
explorer was deeply embarrassed, impatiently he stared over the officer's head.
The soldier had finished his cleaning job and was now pouring rice pap from a
pot into the basin. As soon as the condemned man, who seemed to have recovered
entirely, noticed this action he began to reach for the rice with his tongue.
The soldier kept pushing him away, since the rice pap was certainly meant for a
later hour, yet it was just as unfitting that the soldier himself should thrust
his dirty hands into the basin and eat out of it before the other's avid face.
The officer quickly pulled himself
together. "I didn't want to upset you," he said, "I know it is
impossible to make those days credible now. Anyhow, the machine is still
working and it is still effective in itself. It is effective in itself even
though it stands alone in this valley. And the corpse still falls at the last
into the pit with an incomprehensibly gentle wafting motion, even though there
are no hundreds of people swarming around like flies as formerly. In those days
we had to put a strong fence around the pit, it has long since been torn
down."
The explorer wanted to withdraw his
face from the officer and looked around him at random. The officer thought he
was surveying the valley's desolation; so he seized him by the hands, turned
him around to meet his eyes, and asked: "Do you realize the shame of
it?"
But the explorer said nothing. The
officer left him alone for a little; with legs apart, hands on hips, he stood
very still, gazing at the ground. Then he smiled encouragingly at the explorer
and said: "I was quite near you yesterday when the Commandant gave you the
invitation. I heard him giving it. I know the Commandant. I divined at once
what he was after. Although he is powerful enough to take measures against me,
he doesn't dare to do it yet, but he certainly means to use your verdict
against me, the verdict of an illustrious foreigner. He has calculated it
carefully: this is your second day on the island, you did not know the old
Commandant and his ways, you are conditioned by European ways of thought,
perhaps you object on principle to capital punishment in general and to such
mechanical instruments of death in particular, besides you will see that the
execution has no support from the public, a shabby ceremony -- carried out with
a machine already somewhat old and worn-now, taking all that into
consideration, would it not be likely (so thinks the Commandant) that you might
disapprove of my methods? And if you disapprove, you wouldn't conceal the fact
(I'm still speaking from the Commandant's point of view), for you are a man to
feel confidence in your own well-tried conclusions. True, you have seen and
learned to appreciate the peculiarities of many peoples, and so you would not
be likely to take a strong line against our proceedings, as you might do in
your own country. But the Commandant has no need of that. A casual, even an
unguarded remark will be enough. It doesn't even need to represent what you
really think, so long as it can be used speciously to serve his purpose. He
will try to prompt you with sly questions, of that I am certain. And his ladies
will sit around you and prick up their ears; you might be saying something like
this: 'In our country we have a different criminal procedure,' or 'In our
country the prisoner is interrogated before he is sentenced,' or 'We haven't
used torture since the Middle Ages.' All these statements are as true as they
seem natural to you, harmless remarks that pass no judgment on my methods. But
how would the Commandant react to them? I can see him, our good Commandant,
pushing his chair away immediately and rushing onto the balcony, I can see his
ladies streaming out after him, I can hear his voice -- the ladies call it a
voice of thunder -- well, and this is what he says: 'A famous Western
investigator, sent out to study criminal procedure in all the countries of the
world, has just said that our old tradition of administering justice is
inhumane. Such a verdict from such a personality makes it impossible for me to
countenance these methods any longer. Therefore from this very day I ordain. .
.' and so on. You may want to interpose that you never said any such thing,
that you never called my methods inhumane, on the contrary your profound
experience leads you to believe they are most humane and most in consonance
with human dignity, and you admire the machine greatly -- but it will be too
late; you won't even get onto the balcony, crowded as it will be with ladies;
you may try to draw attention to yourself; you may want to scream out; but a
lady's hand will close your lips -- and I and the work of the old Commandant
will be done for."
The explorer had to suppress a
smile; so easy, then, was the task he had felt to be so difficult. He said
evasively: "You overestimate my influence; the Commandant has read my letters
of recommendation, he knows that I am no expert in criminal procedure. If I
were to give an opinion, it would be as a private individual, an opinion no
more influential than that of any ordinary person, and in any case much less
influential than that of the Commandant, who, I am given to understand, has
very extensive powers in this penal colony. If his attitude to your procedure
is as definitely hostile as you believe, then I fear the end of your tradition
is at hand, even without any humble assistance from me."
Had it dawned on the officer at
last? No, he still did not understand. He shook his head emphatically, glanced
briefly around at the condemned man and the soldier, who both flinched away
from the rice, came close up to the explorer, and without looking at his face
but fixing his eye on some spot on his coat said in a lower voice than before:
"You don't know the Commandant; you feel yourself -- forgive the
expression -- a kind of outsider so far as all of us are concerned; yet,
believe me, your influence cannot be rated too highly. I was simply delighted
when I heard that you were to attend the execution all by yourself. The
Commandant arranged it to aim a blow at me, but I shall turn it to my
advantage. Without being distracted by lying whispers and contemptuous glances
-- which could not have been avoided had a crowd of people attended the
execution -- you have heard my explanations, seen the machine, and are now in
course of watching the execution. You have doubtless already formed your own judgment;
if you still have some small uncertainties the sight of the execution will
resolve them. And now I make this request to you: help me against the
Commandant!"
The explorer would not let him go
on. "How could I do that," he cried, "it's quite impossible. I
can neither help nor hinder you."
"Yes, you can," the
officer said. The explorer saw with a certain apprehension that the officer had
clenched his fists. "Yes, you can," repeated the officer, still more
insistently. "I have a plan that is bound to succeed. You believe your
influence is insufficient. I know that it is sufficient. But even granted that
you are right, is it not necessary, for the sake of preserving this tradition,
to try even what might prove insufficient? Listen to my plan, then. The first
thing necessary for you to carry it out is to be as reticent as possible today
regarding your verdict on these proceedings. Unless you are asked a direct
question you must say nothing at all; but what you do say must be brief and
general; let it be remarked that you would prefer not to discuss the matter,
that you are out of patience with it, that if you are to let yourself go you
would use strong language. I don't ask you to tell any lies; by no means; you
should only give curt answers, such as: 'Yes, I saw the execution,' or 'Yes, I
had it explained to me.' Just that, nothing more. There are grounds enough for
any impatience you betray, although not such as will occur to the Commandant.
Of course, he will mistake your meaning and interpret it to please himself.
That's what my plan depends on. Tomorrow in the Commandant's office there is to
be a large conference of all the high administrative officials, the Commandant
presiding. Of course the Commandant is the kind of man to have turned these
conferences into public spectacles. He has had a gallery built that is always
packed with spectators. I am compelled to take part in the conferences, but
they make me sick with disgust. Now, whatever happens, you will certainly be
invited to this conference; if you behave today as I suggest, the invitation
will become an urgent request. But if for some mysterious reason you're not
invited, you'll have to ask for an invitation; there's no doubt of your getting
it then. So tomorrow you're sitting in the Commandant's box with the ladies. He
keeps looking up to make sure you're there. After various trivial and
ridiculous matters, brought in merely to impress the audience -- mostly harbor
works, nothing but harbor works! -- our judicial procedure comes up for discussion
too. If the Commandant doesn't introduce it, or not soon enough, I'll see that
it's mentioned. I'll stand up and report that today's execution has taken
place. Quite briefly, only a statement. Such a statement is not usual, but I
shall make it. The Commandant thanks me, as always, with an amiable smile, and
then he can't restrain himself, he seizes the excellent opportunity. 'It has
just been reported,' he will say, or words to that effect, 'that an execution
has taken place. I should like merely to add that this execution was witnessed
by the famous explorer who has, as you all know, honored our colony so greatly
by his visit to us. His presence at today's session of our conference also
contributes to the importance of this occasion. Should we not now ask the
famous explorer to give us his verdict on our traditional mode of execution and
the procedure that leads up to it?' Of course there is loud applause, general
agreement, I am more insistent than anyone. The Commandant bows to you and
says: 'Then in the name of the assembled
company, I put the question to you.' And now you advance to the front of the
box. Lay your hands where everyone can see them, or the ladies will catch them
and press your fingers. -- And then at last you can speak out. I don't know how
I'm going to endure the tension of waiting for that moment. Don't put any
restraint on yourself when you make your speech, publish the truth aloud, lean
over the front of the box, shout, yes indeed, shout your verdict, your
unshakable conviction, at the Commandant. Yet perhaps you wouldn't care to do
that, it's not in keeping with your character, in your country perhaps people
do these things differently, well, that's all right too, that will be quite as
effective, don't even stand up, just say a few words, even in a whisper, so
that only the officials beneath you will hear them, that will be quite enough,
you don't even need to mention the lack of public support for the execution,
the creaking wheel, the broken strap, the filthy gag of felt, no, I'll take all
that upon me, and, believe me, if my indictment doesn't drive him out of the
conference hall, it will force him to his knees to make the acknowledgment: Old
Commandant, I humble myself before you. -- That is my plan; will you help me to
carry it out? But of course you are willing, what is more, you must." And
the officer seized the explorer by both arms and gazed, breathing heavily, into
his face. He had shouted the last sentence so loudly that even the soldier and
the condemned man were startled into attending; they had not understood a word
but they stopped eating and looked over at the explorer, chewing their previous
mouthfuls.
From the very beginning the explorer
had no doubt about what answer he must give; in his lifetime he had experienced
too much to have any uncertainty here; he was fundamentally honorable and
unafraid. And yet now, facing the soldier and the condemned man, he did
hesitate, for as long as it took to draw one breath. At last, however, he said,
as he had to: "No." The officer blinked several times but did not
turn his eyes away. "Would you like me to explain?" asked the
explorer. The officer nodded wordlessly. "I do not approve of your
procedure," said the explorer then, "even before you took me into your
confidence -- of course I shall never in any circumstances betray your
confidence -- I was already wondering whether it would be my duty to intervene
and whether my intervention would have the slightest chance of success. I
realized to whom I ought to turn: to the Commandant, of course. You have made
that fact even clearer, but without having strengthened my resolution, on the
contrary, your sincere conviction has touched me, even though it cannot
influence my judgment."
The officer remained mute, turned to
the machine, caught hold of a brass rod, and then, leaning back a little, gazed
at the Designer as if to assure himself that all was in order. The soldier and
the condemned man seemed to have come to some understanding; the condemned man
was making signs to the soldier, difficult though his movements were because of
the tight straps; the soldier was bending down to him; the condemned man
whispered something and the soldier nodded.
The explorer followed the officer
and said: "You don't know yet what I mean to do. I shall tell the
Commandant what I think of the procedure, certainly, but not at a public
conference, only in private; nor shall I stay here long enough to attend any
conference; I am going away early tomorrow morning, or at least embarking on my
ship."
It did not look as if the officer
had been listening. "So you did not find the procedure convincing,"
he said to himself and smiled, as an old man smiles at childish nonsense and
yet pursues his own meditations behind the smile.
"Then the time has come,"
he said at last, and suddenly looked at the explorer with bright eyes that held
some challenge, some appeal for cooperation. "The time for what?"
asked the explorer uneasily, but got no answer.
"You are free," said the
officer to the condemned man in the native tongue. The man did not believe it
at first. "Yes, you are set free," said the officer. For the first
time the condemned man's face woke to real animation. Was it true? Was it only
a caprice of the officer's, that might change again? Had the foreign explorer
begged him off? What was it? One could read these questions on his face. But
not for long. Whatever it might be, he wanted to be really free if he might,
and he began to struggle so far as the Harrow permitted him.
"You'll burst my straps,"
cried the officer, "lie still! We'll soon loosen them." And signing
the soldier to help him, he set about doing so. The condemned man laughed
wordlessly to himself, now he turned his face left toward the officer, now
right toward the soldier, nor did he forget the explorer.
"Draw him out," ordered
the officer. Because of the Harrow this had to be done with some care. The
condemned man had already torn himself a little in the back through his
impatience.
From now on, however, the officer
paid hardly any attention to him. He went up to the explorer, pulled out the
small leather wallet again, turned over the papers in it, found the one he
wanted, and showed it to the explorer. "Read it," he said. "I
can't," said the explorer, "I told you before that I can't make out
these scripts." "Try taking a close look at it," said the
officer and came quite near to the explorer so that they might read it
together. But when even that proved useless, he outlined the script with his
little finger, holding it high above the paper as if the surface dared not be
sullied by touch, in order to help the explorer to follow the script in that
way. The explorer did make an effort, meaning to please the officer in this
respect at least, but he was quite unable to follow. Now the officer began to
spell it, letter by letter, and then read out the words. " 'Be Just!' is what is written
there," he said, "surely you can read it now." The explorer bent
so close to the paper that the officer feared he might touch it and drew it
farther away; the explorer made no remark, yet it was clear that he still could
not decipher it. " 'Be Just!' is
what is written there," said the officer once more. "Maybe,"
said the explorer, "I am prepared to believe you." "Well,
then," said the officer, at least partly satisfied, and climbed up the
ladder with the paper; very carefully he laid it inside the Designer and seemed
to be changing the disposition of all the cogwheels; it was a troublesome piece
of work and must have involved wheels that were extremely small, for sometimes
the officer's head vanished altogether from sight inside the Designer, so
precisely did he have to regulate the machinery.
The explorer, down below, watched
the labor uninterruptedly, his neck grew stiff and his eyes smarted from the
glare of sunshine over the sky. The soldier and the condemned man were now busy
together. The man's shirt and trousers, which were already lying in the pit,
were fished out by the point of the soldier's bayonet. The shirt was abominably
dirty and its owner washed it in the bucket of water. When he put on the shirt
and trousers both he and the soldier could not help guffawing, for the garments
were of course slit up behind. Perhaps the condemned man felt it incumbent on
him to amuse the soldier, he turned around and around in his slashed garments
before the soldier, who squatted on the ground beating his knees with mirth.
All the same, they presently controlled their mirth out of respect for the
gentlemen.
When the officer had at length
finished his task aloft, he surveyed the machinery in all its details once
more, with a smile, but this time shut the lid of the Designer, which had
stayed open till now, climbed down, looked into the pit and then at the
condemned man, noting with satisfaction that the clothing had been taken out, then
went over to wash his hands in the water bucket, perceived too late that it was
disgustingly dirty, was unhappy because he could not wash his hands, in the end
thrust them into the sand -- this alternative did not please him, but he had to
put up with it -- then stood upright and began to unbutton his uniform jacket.
As he did this, the two ladies' handkerchiefs he had tucked under his collar
fell into his hands. "Here are your handkerchiefs," he said, and
threw them to the condemned man. And to the explorer he said in explanation:
"A gift from the ladies."
In spite of the obvious haste with
which he was discarding first his uniform jacket and then all his clothing, he
handled each garment with loving care, he even ran his fingers caressingly over
the silver lace on the jacket and shook a tassel into place. This loving care
was certainly out of keeping with the fact that as soon as he had a garment off
he flung it at once with a kind of unwilling jerk into the pit. The last thing
left to him was his short sword with the sword belt. He drew it out of the
scabbard, broke it, then gathered all together, the bits of the sword, the
scabbard, and the belt, and flung them so violently down that they clattered
into the pit.
Now he stood naked there. The
explorer bit his lips and said nothing. He knew very well what was going to
happen, but he had no right to obstruct the officer in anything. If the
judicial procedure which the officer cherished were really so near its end --
possibly as a result of his own intervention, as to which he felt himself
pledged -- then the officer was doing the right thing; in his place the
explorer would not have acted otherwise.
The soldier and the condemned man
did not understand at first what was happening, at first they were not even
looking on. The condemned man was gleeful at having got the handkerchiefs back,
but he was not allowed to enjoy them for long, since the soldier snatched them
with a sudden, unexpected grab. Now the condemned man in turn was trying to
twitch them from under the belt where the soldier had tucked them, but the
soldier was on his guard. So they were wrestling, half in jest. Only when the
officer stood quite naked was their attention caught. The condemned man
especially seemed struck with the notion that some great change was impending.
What had happened to him was now going to happen to the officer. Perhaps even
to the very end. Apparently the foreign explorer had given the order for it. So
this was revenge. Although he himself had not suffered to the end, he was to be
revenged to the end. A broad, silent grin now appeared on his face and stayed
there all the rest of the time.
The officer, however, had turned to
the machine. It had been clear enough previously that he understood the machine
well, but now it was almost staggering to see how he managed it and how it
obeyed him. His hand had only to approach the Harrow for it to rise and sink
several times till it was adjusted to the right position for receiving him; he
touched only the edge of the Bed and already it was vibrating; the felt gag
came to meet his mouth, one could see that the officer was really reluctant to
take it but he shrank from it only a moment, soon he submitted and received it.
Everything was ready, only the straps hung down at the sides, yet they were
obviously unnecessary, the officer did not need to be fastened down. Then the
condemned man noticed the loose straps, in his opinion the execution was
incomplete unless the straps were buckled, he gestured eagerly to the soldier
and they ran together to strap the officer down. The latter had already
stretched out one foot to push the lever that started the Designer; he saw the
two men coming up; so he drew his foot back and let himself be buckled in. But
now he could not reach the lever; neither the soldier nor the condemned man
would be able to find it, and the explorer was determined not to lift a finger.
It was not necessary; as soon as the straps were fastened the machine began to
work; the Bed vibrated, the needles flickered above the skin, the Harrow rose
and fell. The explorer had been staring at it quite a while before he
remembered that a wheel in the Designer should have been creaking; but
everything was quiet, not even the slightest hum could be heard.
Because it was working so silently
the machine simply escaped one's attention. The explorer observed the soldier
and the condemned man. The latter was the more animated of the two, everything
in the machine interested him, now he was bending down and now stretching up on
tiptoe, his forefinger was extended all the time pointing out details to the
soldier. This annoyed the explorer. He was resolved to stay till the end, but
he could not bear the sight of these two. "Go back home," he said.
The soldier would have been willing enough, but the condemned man took the
order as a punishment. With clasped hands he implored to be allowed to stay,
and when the explorer shook his head and would not relent, he even went down on
his knees. The explorer saw that it was no use merely giving orders, he was on
the point of going over and driving them away. At that moment he heard a noise
above him in the Designer. He looked up. Was that cogwheel going to make
trouble after all? But it was something quite different. Slowly the lid of the
Designer rose up and then clicked wide open. The teeth of a cogwheel showed
themselves and rose higher, soon the whole wheel was visible, it was as if some
enormous force were squeezing the Designer so that there was no longer room for
the wheel, the wheel moved up till it came to the very edge of the Designer,
fell down, rolled along the sand a little on its rim, and then lay flat. But a
second wheel was already rising after it, followed by many others, large and
small and indistinguishably minute, the same thing happened to all of them, at
every moment one imagined the Designer must now really be empty, but another
complex of numerous wheels was already rising into sight, falling down,
trundling along the sand, and lying flat. This phenomenon made the condemned
man completely forget the explorer's command, the cogwheels fascinated him, he
was always trying to catch one and at the same time urging the soldier to help,
but always drew back his hand in alarm, for another wheel always came hopping
along which, at least on its first advance, scared him off.
The explorer, on the other hand,
felt greatly troubled; the machine was obviously going to pieces; its silent
working was a delusion; he had a feeling that he must now stand by the officer,
since the officer was no longer able to look after himself. But while the
tumbling cogwheels absorbed his whole attention he had forgotten to keep an eye
on the rest of the machine; now that the last cogwheel had left the Designer,
however, he bent over the Harrow and had a new and still more unpleasant
surprise. The Harrow was not writing, it was only jabbing, and the Bed was not
turning the body over but only bringing it up quivering against the needles.
The explorer wanted to do something, if possible, to bring the whole machine to
a standstill, for this was no exquisite torture such as the officer desired,
this was plain murder. He stretched out his hands. But at that moment the
Harrow rose with the body spitted on it and moved to the side, as it usually
did only when the twelfth hour had come. Blood was flowing in a hundred
streams, not mingled with water, the water jets too had failed to function. And
now the last action failed to fulfill itself, the body did not drop off the
long needles, streaming with blood it went on hanging over the pit without
falling into it. The Harrow tried to move back to its old position, but as if
it had itself noticed that it had not yet got rid of its burden it stuck after
all where it was, over the pit. "Come and help!" cried the explorer
to the other two, and himself seized the officer's feet. He wanted to push
against the feet while the others seized the head from the opposite side and so
the officer might be slowly eased off the needles. But the other two could not
make up their minds to come; the condemned man actually turned away; the
explorer had to go over to them and force them into position at the officer's
head. And here, almost against his will, he had to look at the face of the
corpse. It was as it had been in life; no sign was visible of the promised
redemption; what the others had found in the machine the officer had not found;
the lips were firmly pressed together, the eyes were open, with the same
expression as in life, the look was calm and convinced, through the forehead
went the point of the great iron spike.
As the explorer, with the soldier
and the condemned man behind him, reached the first houses of the colony, the
soldier pointed to one of them and said: "There is the teahouse."
In the ground floor of the house was
a deep, low, cavernous space, its walls and ceiling blackened with smoke. It
was open to the road all along its length. Although this teahouse was very
little different from the other houses of the colony, which were all very
dilapidated, even up to the Commandant's palatial headquarters, it made on the
explorer the impression of a historic tradition of some kind, and he felt the
power of past days. He went near to it, followed by his companions, right up
between the empty tables that stood in the street before it, and breathed the
cool, heavy air that came from the interior. "The old man's buried
here," said the soldier, "the priest wouldn't let him lie in the
churchyard. Nobody knew where to bury him for a while, but in the end they
buried him here. The officer never told you about that, for sure, because of
course that's what he was most ashamed of. He even tried several times to dig
the old man up by night, but he was always chased away." "Where is
the grave?" asked the explorer, who found it impossible to believe the
soldier. At once both of them, the soldier and the condemned man, ran before
him pointing with outstretched hands in the direction where the grave should
be. They led the explorer right up to the back wall, where guests were sitting
at a few tables. They were apparently dock laborers, strong men with short,
glistening, full black beards. None had a jacket, their shirts were torn, they
were poor, humble creatures. As the explorer drew near, some of them got up,
pressed close to the wall, and stared at him. "It's a foreigner," ran
the whisper around him, "he wants to see the grave." They pushed one
of the tables aside, and under it there was really a gravestone. It was a
simple stone, low enough to be covered by a table. There was an inscription on
it in very small letters, the explorer had to kneel down to read it. This was
what it said: "Here rests the old Commandant. His adherents, who now must
be nameless, have dug this grave and set up this stone. There is a prophecy
that after a certain number of years the Commandant will rise again and lead
his adherents from this house to recover the colony. Have faith and wait!"
When the explorer had read this and risen to his feet he saw all the bystanders
around him smiling, as if they too had read the inscription, had found it
ridiculous, and were expecting him to agree with them. The explorer ignored
this, distributed a few coins among them, waiting till the table was pushed
over the grave again, quitted the teahouse, and made for the harbor.
The soldier and the condemned man
had found some acquaintances in the teahouse, who detained them. But they must
have soon shaken them off, for the explorer was only halfway down the long
flight of steps leading to the boats when they came rushing after him. Probably
they wanted to force him at the last minute to take them with him. While he was
bargaining below with a ferryman to row him to the steamer, the two of them
came headlong down the steps, in silence, for they did not dare to shout. But
by the time they reached the foot of the steps the explorer was already in the
boat, and the ferryman was just casting off from the shore. They could have
jumped into the boat, but the explorer lifted a heavy knotted rope from the
floor boards, threatened them with it, and so kept them from attempting the
leap.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Village Schoolmaster
[The
Giant Mole]
Those,
and I am one of them, who find even a small ordinary-sized mole
disgusting, would probably have died of disgust if they had seen the giant mole
that a few years back was observed in the neighborhood of one of our villages,
which achieved a certain transitory celebrity on account of the incident. Today
it has long since sunk back into oblivion again, and in that only shares the
obscurity of the whole incident, which has remained quite inexplicable, but
which people, it must be confessed, have also taken no great pains to explain;
and as a result of an incomprehensible apathy in those very circles that should
have concerned themselves with it, and who in fact have shown enthusiastic
interest in far more trifling matters, the affair has been forgotten without
ever being adequately investigated. In any case, the fact that the village
could not be reached by the railroad was no excuse. Many people came from great
distances out of pure curiosity, there were even foreigners among them; it was
only those who should have shown something more than curiosity that refrained
from coming. In fact, if a few quite simple people, people whose daily work
gave them hardly a moment of leisure -- if these people had not quite
disinterestedly taken up the affair, the rumor of this natural phenomenon would
probably have never spread beyond the locality. Indeed, rumor itself, which
usually cannot be held within bounds, was actually sluggish in this case; if it
had not literally been given a shove it would not have spread. But even that
was no valid reason for refusing to inquire into the affair; on the contrary
this second phenomenon should have been investigated as well. Instead the old
village schoolmaster was left to write the sole account in black and white of
the incident, and though he was an excellent man in his own profession, neither
his abilities nor his equipment made it possible for him to produce an
exhaustive description that could be used as a foundation by others, far less,
therefore, an actual explanation of the occurrence. His little pamphlet was
printed, and a good many copies were sold to visitors to the village about that
time; it also received some public recognition, but the teacher was wise enough
to perceive that his fragmentary labors, in which no one supported him, were basically
without value. If in spite of that he did not relax in them, and made the
question his lifework, though it naturally became more hopeless from year to
year, that only shows on the one hand how powerful an effect the appearance of
the giant mole was capable of producing, and on the other how much laborious
effort and fidelity to his convictions may be found in an old and obscure
village schoolmaster. But that he suffered deeply from the cold attitude of the
recognized authorities is proved by a brief brochure with which he followed up
his pamphlet several years later, by which time hardly anyone could remember
what it was all about. In this brochure he complained of the lack of
understanding that he had encountered in people where it was least to be expected;
complaints that carried conviction less by the skill with which they were
expressed than by their honesty. Of such people he said very appositely:
"It is not I, but they, who talk like old village schoolmasters." And
among other things he adduced the pronouncement of a scholar to whom he had
gone expressly about his affair. The name of the scholar was not mentioned, but
from various circumstances we could guess who it was. After the teacher had
managed with great difficulty to secure admittance, he perceived at once from
the very way in which he was greeted that the savant had already acquired a
rooted prejudice against the matter. The absent-mindedness with which he
listened to the long report which the teacher, pamphlet in hand, delivered to
him, can be gauged from a remark that he let fall after a pause for ostensible
reflection: "The soil in your neighborhood is particularly black and rich.
Consequently it provides the moles with particularly rich nourishment, and so
they grow to an unusual size."
"But not to such a size as
that!" exclaimed the teacher, and he measured off two yards on the wall,
somewhat exaggerating the length of the mole in exasperation. "Oh, and why
not?" replied the scholar, who obviously looked upon the whole affair as a
great joke. With this verdict the teacher had to return to his home. He tells
how his wife and six children were waiting for him by the roadside in the snow,
and how he had to admit to them the final collapse of his hopes.
When I read of the scholar's
attitude toward the old man I was not yet acquainted with the teacher's
pamphlet. But I at once resolved myself to collect and correlate all the
information I could discover regarding the case. If I could not employ physical
force against the scholar, I could at least write a defense of the teacher, or
more exactly, of the good intentions of an honest but uninfluential man. I
admit that I rued this decision later, for I soon saw that its execution was
bound to involve me in a very strange predicament. On the one hand my own
influence was far from sufficient to effect a change in learned or even public
opinion in the teacher's favor, while on the other the teacher was bound to
notice that I was less concerned with his main object, which was to prove that
the giant mole had actually been seen, than to defend his honesty, which must
naturally be self-evident to him and in need of no defense. Accordingly, what
was bound to happen was this: I would be misunderstood by the teacher, though I
wanted to collaborate with him, and instead of helping him I myself would
probably require support, which was most unlikely to appear. Besides, my
decision would impose a great burden of work upon me. If I wanted to convince
people I could not invoke the teacher, since he himself had not been able to
convince them. To read his pamphlet could only have led me astray, and so I
refrained from reading it until I should have finished my own labors. More, I
did not even get in touch with the teacher. True, he heard of my inquiries
through intermediaries, but he did not know whether I was working for him or
against him. In fact he probably assumed the latter, though he denied it later
on; for I have proof of the fact that he put various obstacles in my way. It
was quite easy for him to do that, for of course I was compelled to undertake
anew all the inquiries he had already made, and so he could always steal a
march on me. But that was the only objection that could be justly made to my
method, an unavoidable reproach, but one that was palliated by the caution and
self-abnegation with which I drew my conclusions. But for the rest my pamphlet
was quite uninfluenced by the teacher, perhaps on this point, indeed, I showed
all too great a scrupulosity; from my words one might have thought nobody had ever
inquired into the case before, and I was the first to interrogate those who had
seen or heard of the mole, the first to correlate the evidence, the first to
draw conclusions. When later I read the schoolmaster's pamphlet -- it had a
very circumstantial title: "A mole, larger in size than ever seen
before" -- I found that we actually did not agree on certain important
points, though we both believed we had proved our main point, namely, the
existence of the mole. These differences prevented the establishment of the
friendly relations with the schoolmaster that I had been looking forward to in
spite of everything. On his side there developed a feeling almost of hostility.
True, he was always modest and humble in his bearing toward me, but that only
made his real feelings the more obvious. In other words, he was of the opinion
that I had merely damaged his credit, and that my belief that I had been or
could be of assistance to him was simplicity at best, but more likely
presumption or artifice. He was particularly fond of saying that all his
previous enemies had shown their hostility either not at all, or in private, or
at most by word of mouth, while I had considered it necessary to have my
censures straightway published. Moreover, the few opponents of his who had
really occupied themselves with the subject, if but superficially, had at least
listened to his, the schoolmaster's, views before they had given expression to
their own: while I, on the strength of unsystematically assembled and in part
misunderstood evidence, had published conclusions which, even if they were
correct as regarded the main point, must evoke incredulity, and among the
public no less than the educated. But the faintest hint that the existence of
the mole was unworthy of credence was the worst thing that could happen in this
case.
To these reproaches, veiled as they
were, I could easily have found an answer -- for instance, that his own
pamphlet achieved the very summit of the incredible -- it was less easy,
however, to make headway against his continual suspicion, and that was the
reason why I was very reserved in my dealings with him. For in his heart he was
convinced that I wanted to rob him of the fame of being the first man publicly
to vindicate the mole. Now of course he really enjoyed no fame whatever, but
only an absurd notoriety that was shrinking more and more, and for which I had
certainly no desire to compete. Besides, in the foreword to my pamphlet I had
expressly declared that the teacher must stand for all time as the discoverer
of the mole -- and he was not even that -- and that only my sympathy with his
unfortunate fate had spurred me on to write. "It is the aim of this
pamphlet" -- so I ended up all too melodramatically, but it corresponded
with my feelings at that time -- "to help in giving the schoolmaster's
book the wide publicity it deserves. If I succeed in that, then may my name,
which I regard as only transiently and indirectly associated with this
question, be blotted from it at once." Thus I disclaimed expressly any major
participation in the affair; it was almost as if I had foreseen in some manner
the teacher's unbelievable reproaches. Nevertheless he found in that very
passage a handle against me, and I do not deny that there was a faint show of
justice in what he said or rather hinted; indeed I was often struck by the fact
that he showed almost a keener penetration where I was concerned than he had
done in his pamphlet. For he maintained that my foreword was double-faced. If I
was really concerned solely to give publicity to his pamphlet, why had I not
occupied myself exclusively with him and his pamphlet, why had I not pointed
out its virtues, its irrefutability, why had I not confined myself to insisting
on the significance of the discovery and making that clear, why had I instead
tackled the discovery itself, while completely ignoring the pamphlet? Had not
the discovery been made already? Was there still anything left to be done in
that direction? But if I really thought that it was necessary for me to make
the discovery all over again, why had I disassociated myself from the discovery
so solemnly in my foreword? One might put that down to false modesty, but it
was something worse. I was trying to belittle the discovery, I was drawing
attention to it merely for the purpose of depreciating it, while he on the
other hand had inquired into and finally established it. Perhaps the affair had
sunk somewhat into desuetude; now I had made a noise about it again, but at the
same time I had made the schoolmaster's position more difficult than ever. What
did he care whether his honesty was vindicated or not? All that he was
concerned with was the thing itself, and with that alone. But I was only of
disservice to it, for I did not understand it, I did not prize it at its true value,
I had no real feeling for it. It was infinitely above my intellectual capacity.
He sat before me and looked at me, his old wrinkled face quite composed, and
yet this was what he was thinking. Yet it was not true that he was only
concerned with the thing itself: actually he was very greedy for fame, and
wanted to make money out of the business too, which, however, considering his
large family, was very understandable. Nevertheless my interest in the affair
seemed so trivial compared with his own, that he felt he could claim to be
completely disinterested without deviating very seriously from the truth. And
indeed my inner doubts refused to be quite calmed by my telling myself that the
man's reproaches were really due to the fact that he clung to his mole, so to
speak, with both hands, and was bound to look upon anyone who laid even a
finger on it as a traitor. For that was not true; his attitude was not to be
explained by greed, or at any rate by greed alone, but rather by the touchiness
which his great labors and their complete unsuccess had bred in him. Yet even
his touchiness did not explain everything. Perhaps my interest in the affair
was really too trivial. The schoolmaster was used to lack of interest in
strangers. He regarded it as a universal evil, but no longer suffered from its
individual manifestations. Now a man had appeared who, strangely enough, took
up the affair; and even he did not understand it. Attacked from this side I can
make no defense. I am no zoologist; yet perhaps I would have thrown myself into
the case with my whole heart if I had discovered it; but I had not discovered
it. Such a gigantic mole is certainly a prodigy, yet one cannot expect the
continuous and undivided attention of the whole world to be accorded it,
particularly if its existence is not completely and irrefutably established,
and in any case it cannot be produced. And I admit too that even if I had been
the discoverer I would probably never have come forward so gladly and
voluntarily in defense of the mole as I had in that of the schoolmaster.
Now the misunderstanding between me
and the schoolmaster would probably have quickly cleared up if my pamphlet had
achieved success. But success was not forthcoming. Perhaps the book was not
well enough written, not persuasive enough; I am a businessman, it may be that
the composition of such a pamphlet was still further beyond my limited powers
than those of the teacher, though in the kind of knowledge required I was
greatly superior to him. Besides, my unsuccess may be explicable in other ways;
the time at which the pamphlet appeared may have been inauspicious. The
discovery of the mole, which had failed to penetrate to a wide public at the
time it took place, was not so long past on the one hand as to be completely
forgotten, and thus capable of being brought alive again by my pamphlet, while
on the other hand enough time had elapsed quite to exhaust the trivial interest
that had originally existed. Those who took my pamphlet at all seriously told
themselves, in that bored tone which from the first had characterized the
debate, that now the old useless labors on this wearisome question were to
begin all over again; and some even confused my pamphlet with the
schoolmaster's. In a leading agricultural journal appeared the following
comment, fortunately at the very end, and in small print: "The pamphlet on
the giant mole has once more been sent to us. Years ago we remember having had
a hearty laugh over it. Since then it has not become more intelligible, nor we
more hard of understanding. But we simply refuse to laugh at it a second time.
Instead, we would ask our teaching associations whether more useful work cannot
be found for our village schoolmasters than hunting out giant moles." An
unpardonable confusion of identity. They had read neither the first nor the
second pamphlet, and the two perfunctorily scanned expressions, "giant mole" and "village
schoolmaster," were sufficient for these gentlemen, as representatives of
publicly esteemed interest, to pronounce on the subject. Against this attack
measures might have been attempted and with success, but the lack of
understanding between the teacher and myself kept me from venturing upon them.
I tried instead to keep the review from his knowledge as long as I could. But
he very soon discovered it, as I recognized from a sentence in one of his
letters, in which he announced his intention of visiting me for the Christmas
holidays. He wrote: "The world is full of malice, and people smooth the
path for it," by which he wished to convey that I was one of the
malicious, but, not content with my own innate malice, wished also to make the
world's path smooth for it: in other words, was acting in such a way as to
arouse the general malice and help it to victory. Well, I summoned the resolution
I required, and was able to await him calmly, and calmly greet him when he
arrived, this time a shade less polite in his bearing than usual; he carefully
drew out the journal from the breast pocket of his old-fashioned padded
overcoat, and opening it handed it to me. "I've seen it," I replied,
handing the journal back unread. "You've seen it," he said with a
sigh; he had the old teacher's habit of repeating the other person's answers.
"Of course I won't take this lying down!" he went on, tapping the
journal excitedly with his finger and glancing up sharply at me, as if I were
of a different mind; he certainly had some idea of what I was about to say, for
I think I have noticed, not so much from his words as from other indications,
that he often has a genuine intuition of my intentions, though he never yields
to them but lets himself be diverted. What I said to him I can set down almost
word for word, for I made a note of it shortly after our interview. "Do
what you like," I said, "our ways part from this moment. I fancy that
that is neither unexpected nor unwelcome news to you. The review in this
journal is not the real reason for my decision; it has merely finally confirmed
it. The real reason is this: originally I thought my intervention might be of
some use to you, while now I cannot but recognize that I have damaged you in
every direction. Why it has turned out so I cannot say; the causes of success
and unsuccess are always ambiguous; but don't look for the sole explanation in
my shortcomings. Consider: you too had the best intentions, and yet, if one
regards the matter objectively, you failed. I don't intend it as a joke, for it
would be a joke against myself, when I say that your connection with me must
unfortunately be counted among your failures. It is neither cowardice nor
treachery, if I withdraw from the affair now. Actually it involves a certain
degree of self-renunciation; my pamphlet itself proves how much I respect you
personally, in a certain sense you have become my teacher, and I have almost grown
fond of the mole itself. Nevertheless I have decided to step aside; you are the
discoverer, and all that I can do is to prevent you from gaining possible fame,
while I attract failure and pass it on to you. At least that is your own
opinion. Enough of that. The sole expiation that I can make is to beg your
forgiveness and, should you require it, to publish openly, that is, in this
journal, the admission I have just made to you."
These were my words; they were not
entirely sincere, but what was sincere in them was obvious enough. My
explanation had the effect upon him that I had roughly anticipated. Most old
people have something deceitful, something mendacious, in their dealings with
people younger than themselves; you live at peace with them, imagine you are on
the best of terms with them, know their ruling prejudices, receive continual
assurances of amity, take the whole thing for granted; and when something
decisive happens and those peaceful relations, so long nourished, should come
into effective operation, suddenly these old people rise before you like
strangers, show that they have deeper and stronger convictions, and now for the
first time literally unfurl their banner, and with terror you read upon it the
new decree. The reason for this terror lies chiefly in the fact that what the
old say now is really far more just and sensible than what they had said
before; it is as if even the self-evident had degrees of validity, and their
words now were more self-evident than ever. But the final deceit that lies in
their words consists in this, that at bottom they have always said what they
are saying now. I must have probed deeply into the schoolmaster, seeing that
his next words did not entirely take me by surprise. "Child," he
said, laying his hand on mine and patting it gently, "how did you ever
take it into your head to go into this affair? The very first I heard of it I
talked it over with my wife." He pushed his chair back from the table, got
up, spread out his arms, and stared at the floor, as if his tiny little wife
were standing there and he were speaking to her. " 'We've struggled on
alone,' I said to her, 'for many years; now, it seems, a noble protector has
risen for us in the city, a fine businessman, Mr. So-and-so. We should
congratulate ourselves, shouldn't we? A businessman in the city isn't to be
sniffed at; when an ignorant peasant believes us and says so it doesn't help
us, for what a peasant may say or do is of no account; whether he says the old
village schoolmaster is right, or spits to show his contempt, the net result is
the same. And if instead of one peasant ten thousand should stand up for us,
the result, if possible, would only be still worse. A businessman in the city,
on the other hand, that's something else again; a man like that has
connections, things he says in passing, as it were, are taken up and repeated,
new patrons interest themselves in the question, one of them, it may be,
remarks: You can learn even from old village schoolmasters, and next day whole
crowds of people are saying it to one another, people you would never imagine
saying such things, to look at them. Next, money is found to finance the
business, one gentleman goes around collecting for it and the others shower
subscriptions on him; they decide that the village schoolmaster must be dragged
from his obscurity; they arrive, they don't bother about his external
appearance, but take him to their bosoms, and since his wife and children hang
onto him, they are taken along too. Have you ever watched city people? They chatter
without stopping. When there's a whole lot of them together you can hear their
chatter running from right to left and back again, and up and down, this way
and that. And so, chattering away, they push us into the coach, so that we've
hardly time to bow to everybody. The gentleman on the coachman's seat puts his
glasses straight, flourishes his whip, and off we go. They all wave a parting
greeting to the village, as if we were still there and not sitting among them.
The more impatient city people drive out in carriages to meet us. As we
approach they get up from their seats and crane their necks. The gentleman who
collected the money arranges everything methodically and in order. When we
drive into the city we are a long procession of carriages. We think the public
welcome is over; but it really only begins when we reach our hotel. In a city
an announcement attracts a great many people. What interests one interests all
the rest immediately. They take their views from one another and promptly make
those views their own. All the people who haven't managed to drive out and meet
us in carriages are waiting in front of the hotel; others could have driven
out, but they were too self-conscious. They're waiting too. It's extraordinary,
the way that the gentleman who collected the money keeps his eye on everything
and directs everything.' "
I had listened coolly to him, indeed
I had grown cooler and cooler while he went on. On the table I had piled up all
the copies of my pamphlet in my possession. Only a few were missing, for during
the past week I had sent out a circular demanding the return of all the copies
distributed, and had received most of them back. True, from several quarters I
had got very polite notes saying that So-and-so could not remember having received
such a pamphlet, and that, if it had actually arrived, he was sorry to confess
that he must have lost it. Even that was gratifying; in my heart I desired
nothing better. Only one reader begged me to let him keep the pamphlet as a
curiosity, pledging himself, in accordance with the spirit of my circular, to
show it to no one for twenty years. The village teacher had not yet seen my
circular. I was glad that his words made it so easy for me to show it to him. I
could do that without anxiety in any case, however, as I had drawn it up very
circumspectly, keeping his interests in mind the whole time. The crucial
passage in the circular ran as follows: "I do not ask for the return of
the pamphlet because I retract in any way the opinions defended there or wish
them to be regarded as erroneous or even undemonstrable on any point. My
request has purely personal and moreover very urgent grounds; but no conclusion
whatever must be drawn from it as regards my attitude to the whole matter. I
beg the village schoolmaster to
draw your particular attention to this, and would be glad also if you would
make the fact better known."
For the time being I kept my hand
over the circular and said: "You reproach me in your heart because things
have not turned out as you hoped. Why do that? Don't let us embitter our last
moments together. And do try to see that, though you've made a discovery, it
isn't necessarily greater than every other discovery, and consequently the
injustice you suffer under any greater than other injustices. I don't know the
ways of learned societies, but I can't believe that in the most favorable
circumstances you would have been given a reception even remotely resembling
the one you seem to have described to your wife. While I myself still hoped
that something might come of my pamphlet, the most I expected was that perhaps
the attention of a professor might be drawn to our case, that he might
commission some young student to inquire into it, that this student might visit
you and check in his own fashion your and my inquiries once more on the spot,
and that finally, if the results seemed to him worth consideration -- we must
not forget that all young students are full of skepticism -- he might bring out
a pamphlet of his own in which your discoveries would be put on a scientific
basis. All the same, even if that hope had been realized nothing very much
would have been achieved. The student's pamphlet, supporting such queer
opinions, would probably be held up to ridicule. If you take this agricultural
journal as a sample, you can see how easily that may happen; and scientific
periodicals are still more ruthless in such matters. And that's quite
understandable; professors bear a great responsibility toward themselves,
toward science, toward posterity; they can't take every new discovery to their
bosoms straight away. We others have the advantage of them there. But I'll
leave that out of account and assume that the student's pamphlet has found
acceptance. What would happen next? You would probably receive honorable
mention, and that might perhaps benefit your profession too; people would say:
'Our village schoolmasters have sharp eyes'; and this journal, if journals have
a memory or a conscience, would be forced to make you a public apology; also
some well-intentioned professor would be found to secure a scholarship for you;
it's possible they might even get you to come to the city, find a post for you
in some school, and so give you a chance of using the scientific resources of a
city so as to improve yourself. But if I am to be quite frank, I think they
would content themselves with merely trying to do all this. They would summon
you and you would appear, but only as an ordinary petitioner like hundreds of
others, and not in solemn state; they would talk to you and praise your honest
efforts, but they would see at the same time that you were an old man, that it
was hopeless for anyone to begin to study science at such an age, and moreover
that you had hit upon your discovery more by chance than by design, and had besides
no ambition to extend your labors beyond this one case. For these reasons they
would probably send you back to your village again. Your discovery, of course,
would be carried further, for it is not so trifling that, once having achieved
recognition, it could be forgotten again. But you would not hear much more
about it, and what you heard you would scarcely understand. Every new discovery
is assumed at once into the sum total of knowledge, and with that ceases in a
sense to be a discovery; it dissolves into the whole and disappears, and one
must have a trained scientific eye even to recognize it after that. For it is
related to fundamental axioms of whose existence we don't even know, and in the
debates of science it is raised on these axioms into the very clouds. How can
we expect to understand such things? Often as we listen to some learned
discussion we may be under the impression that it is about your discovery, when
it is about something quite different, and the next time, when we think it is
about something else, and not about your discovery at all, it may turn out to
be about that and that alone.
"Don't you see that? You would
remain in your village, you would be able with the extra money to feed and
clothe your family a little better; but your discovery would be taken out of
your hands, and without your being able with any show of justice to object; for
only in the city could it be given its final seal. And people wouldn't be
altogether ungrateful to you, they might build a little museum on the spot
where the discovery was made, it would become one of the sights of the village,
you would be given the keys to keep, and, so that you shouldn't lack some
outward token of honor, they could give you a little medal to wear on the
breast of your coat, like those worn by attendants in scientific institutions.
All this might have been possible; but was it what you wanted?"
Without stopping to consider his
answer he turned on me and said: "And so that's what you wanted to achieve
for me?"
"Probably," I said,
"I didn't consider what I was doing carefully enough at the time to be
able to answer that clearly now. I wanted to help you, but that was a failure,
and the worst failure I have ever had. That's why I want to withdraw now and
undo what I've done as far as I'm able."
"Well and good," said the
teacher, taking out his pipe and beginning to fill it with the tobacco that he
carried loose in all his pockets. "You took up this thankless business of
your own free will, and now of your own free will you withdraw. So that's all
right."
"I'm not an obstinate
man," I said. "Do you find anything to object to in my
proposal?"
"No, absolutely nothing,"
said the schoolmaster, and his pipe was already going. I could not bear the
stink of his tobacco, and so I rose and began to walk up and down the room.
From previous encounters I was used to the teacher's extreme taciturnity, and
to the fact that in spite of it he never seemed to have any desire to stir from
my room once he was in it. That had often disturbed me before. He wants
something more, I always thought at such times, and I would offer him money,
which indeed he invariably accepted. Yet he never went away before it suited
his convenience. Generally his pipe was smoked out by that time, then he would
ceremoniously and respectfully push his chair in to the table, make a detour
around it, seize his cane standing in the corner, press my hand warmly, and go.
But today his silent presence as he sat there was an actual torture to me. When
one has bidden a last farewell to someone, as I had done, a farewell accepted
in good faith, surely the mutual formalities that remain should be got over as
quickly as possible and one should not burden one's host purposelessly with
one's silent presence. As I contemplated the stubborn fellow from behind, while
he sat at the table, it seemed an impossible idea to ever show him the door.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Blumfeld,
an Elderly Bachelor
One
evening Blumfeld, an elderly bachelor, was climbing up to his apartment
-- a laborious undertaking, for he lived on the sixth floor. While climbing up
he thought, as he had so often recently, how unpleasant this utterly lonely
life was: to reach his empty rooms he had to climb these six floors almost in
secret, there put on his dressing gown, again almost in secret, light his pipe,
read a little of the French magazine to which he had been subscribing for
years, at the same time sip at a homemade kirsch, and finally, after half an
hour, go to bed, but not before having completely rearranged his bedclothes
which the unteachable charwoman would insist on arranging in her own way. Some
companion, someone to witness these activities, would have been very welcome to
Blumfeld. He had already been wondering whether he shouldn't acquire a little
dog. These animals are gay and above all grateful and loyal; one of Blumfeld's
colleagues has a dog of this kind; it follows no one but its master and when it
hasn't seen him for a few moments it greets him at once with loud barkings, by
which it is evidently trying to express its joy at once more finding that
extraordinary benefactor, its master. True, a dog also has its drawbacks.
However well kept it may be, it is bound to dirty the room. This just cannot be
avoided; one cannot give it a hot bath each time before letting it into the
room; besides, its health couldn't stand that. Blumfeld, on the other hand,
can't stand dirt in his room. To him cleanliness is essential, and several
times a week he is obliged to have words with his charwoman, who is
unfortunately not very painstaking in this respect. Since she is hard of
hearing he usually drags her by the arm to those spots in the room which he
finds lacking in cleanliness. By this strict discipline he has achieved in his
room a neatness more or less commensurate with his wishes. By acquiring a dog,
however, he would be almost deliberately introducing into his room the dirt
which hitherto he had been so careful to avoid. Fleas, the dog's constant
companions, would appear. And once fleas were there, it would not be long
before Blumfeld would be abandoning his comfortable room to the dog and looking
for another one. Uncleanliness, however, is but one of the drawbacks of dogs.
Dogs also fall ill and no one really understands dogs' diseases. Then the
animal sits in a corner or limps about, whimpers, coughs, chokes from some
pain; one wraps it in a rug, whistles a little melody, offers it milk -- in
short, one nurses it in the hope that this, as indeed is possible, is a passing
sickness while it may be a serious, disgusting, and contagious disease. And
even if the dog remains healthy, one day it will grow old, one won't have the
heart to get rid of the faithful animal in time, and then comes the moment when
one's own age peers out at one from the dog's oozing eyes. Then one has to cope
with the half-blind, weak-lunged animal all but immobile with fat, and in this
way pay dearly for the pleasures the dog once had given. Much as Blumfeld would
like to have a dog at this moment, he would rather go on climbing the stairs
alone for another thirty years than be burdened later on by such an old dog
which, sighing louder than he, would drag itself up, step by step.
So Blumfeld will remain alone, after
all; he really feels none of the old maid's longing to have around her some
submissive living creature that she can protect, lavish her affection upon, and
continue to serve -- for which purpose a cat, a canary, even a goldfish would
suffice -- or, if this cannot be, rest content with flowers on the window sill.
Blumfeld only wants a companion, an animal to which he doesn't have to pay much
attention, which doesn't mind an occasional kick, which even, in an emergency,
can spend the night in the street, but which nevertheless, when Blumfeld feels
like it, is promptly at his disposal with its barking, jumping, and licking of
hands. This is what Blumfeld wants, but since, as he realizes, it cannot be had
without serious drawbacks, he renounces it, and yet -- in accordance with his
thoroughgoing disposition -- the idea from time to time, this evening, for
instance, occurs to him again.
While taking the key from his pocket
outside his room, he is startled by a sound coming from within. A peculiar
rattling sound, very lively but very regular. Since Blumfeld has just been
thinking of dogs, it reminds him of the sounds produced by paws pattering one
after the other over a floor. But paws don't rattle, so it can't be paws. He
quickly unlocks the door and switches on the light. He is not prepared for what
he sees. For this is magic -- two small white celluloid balls with blue stripes
jumping up and down side by side on the parquet; when one of them touches the
floor the other is in the air, a game they continue ceaselessly to play. At
school one day Blumfeld had seen some little pellets jumping about like this
during a well-known electrical experiment, but these are comparatively large
balls jumping freely about in the room and no electrical experiment is being
made. Blumfeld bends down to get a good look at them. They are undoubtedly
ordinary balls, they probably contain several smaller balls, and it is these
that produce the rattling sound. Blumfeld gropes in the air to find out whether
they are hanging from some threads -- no, they are moving entirely on their
own. A pity Blumfeld isn't a small child, two balls like these would have been
a happy surprise for him, whereas now the whole thing gives him rather an
unpleasant feeling. It's not quite pointless after all to live in secret as an
unnoticed bachelor, now someone, no matter who, has penetrated this secret and
sent him these two strange balls.
He tries to catch one but they
retreat before him, thus luring him on to follow them through the room. It's
really too silly, he thinks, running after balls like this; he stands still and
realizes that the moment he abandons the pursuit, they too remain on the same
spot. I will try to catch them all the same, he thinks again, and hurries
toward them. They immediately run away, but Blumfeld, his legs apart, forces
them into a corner of the room, and there, in front of a trunk, he manages to
catch one ball. It's a small cool ball, and it turns in his hand, clearly
anxious to slip away. And the other ball, too, as though aware of its comrade's
distress, jumps higher than before, extending the leaps until it touches
Blumfeld's hand. It beats against his hand, beats in ever faster leaps, alters
its angle of attack, then, powerless against the hand which encloses the ball
so completely, springs even higher and is probably trying to reach Blumfeld's
face. Blumfeld could catch this ball too, and lock them both up somewhere, but
at the moment it strikes him as too humiliating to take such measures against
two little balls. Besides, it's fun owning these balls, and soon enough they'll
grow tired, roll under the cupboard, and be quiet. Despite this deliberation,
however, Blumfeld, near to anger, flings the ball to the ground, and it is a
miracle that in doing so the delicate, all but transparent celluloid cover
doesn't break. Without hesitation the two balls resume their former low,
well-coordinated jumps.
Blumfeld undresses calmly, arranges
his clothes in the wardrobe which he always inspects carefully to make sure the
charwoman has left everything in order. Once or twice he glances over his
shoulder at the balls, which, unpursued, seem to be pursuing him; they have
followed him and are now jumping close behind him. Blumfeld puts on his
dressing gown and sets out for the opposite wall to fetch one of the pipes
which are hanging in a rack. Before turning around he instinctively kicks his
foot out backwards, but the balls know how to get out of its way and remain
untouched. As Blumfeld goes off to fetch the pipe the balls at once follow
close behind him; he shuffles along in his slippers, taking irregular steps,
yet each step is followed almost without pause by the sound of the balls; they
are keeping pace with him. To see how the balls manage to do this, Blumfeld
turns suddenly around. But hardly has he turned when the balls describe a
semicircle and are already behind him again, and this they repeat every time he
turns. Like submissive companions, they try to avoid appearing in front of
Blumfeld. Up to the present they have evidently dared to do so only in order to
introduce themselves; now, however, it seems they have actually entered into
his service.
Hitherto, when faced with situations
he couldn't master, Blumfeld had always chosen to behave as though he hadn't
noticed anything. It had often helped and usually improved the situation. This,
then, is what he does now; he takes up a position in front of the pipe rack
and, puffing out his lips, chooses a pipe, fills it with particular care from
the tobacco pouch close at hand, and allows the balls to continue their jumping
behind him. But he hesitates to approach the table, for to hear the sound of
the jumps coinciding with that of his own steps almost hurts him. So there he
stands, and while taking an unnecessarily long time to fill his pipe he
measures the distance separating him from the table. At last, however, he
overcomes his faintheartedness and covers the distance with such stamping of
feet that he cannot hear the balls. But the moment he is seated he can hear
them jumping up and down behind his chair as distinctly as ever.
Above the table, within reach, a
shelf is nailed to the wall on which stands the bottle of kirsch surrounded by
little glasses. Beside it, in a pile, lie several copies of the French
magazine. (This very day the latest issue has arrived and Blumfeld takes it
down. He quite forgets the kirsch; he even has the feeling that today he is
proceeding with his usual activities only to console himself, for he feels no
genuine desire to read. Contrary to his usual habit of carefully turning one
page after the other, he opens the magazine at random and there finds a large
photograph. He forces himself to examine it in detail. It shows a meeting
between the Czar of Russia and the President of France. This takes place on a
ship. All about as far as can be seen are many other ships, the smoke from
their funnels vanishing in the bright sky. Both Czar and President have rushed
toward each other with long strides and are clasping one another by the hand.
Behind the Czar as well as behind the President stand two men. By comparison
with the gay faces of the Czar and the President, the faces of their attendants
are very solemn, the eyes of each group focused on their master. Lower down --
the scene evidently takes place on the top deck -- stand long lines of saluting
sailors cut off by the margin. Gradually Blumfeld contemplates the picture with
more interest, then holds it a little further away and looks at it with
blinking eyes. He has always had a taste for such imposing scenes. The way the
chief personages clasp each other's hand so naturally, so cordially and
lightheartedly, this he finds most lifelike. And it's just as appropriate that
the attendants -- high-ranking gentlemen, of course, with their names printed
beneath -- express in their bearing the solemnity of the historical moment.)
And instead of helping himself to
everything he needs, Blumfeld sits there tense, staring at the bowl of his
still unlit pipe. He is lying in wait. Suddenly, quite unexpectedly, his
numbness leaves him and with a jerk he turns around in his chair. But the
balls, equally alert, or perhaps automatically following the law governing
them, also change their position the moment Blumfeld turns, and hide behind his
back. Blumfeld now sits with his back to the table, the cold pipe in his hand.
And now the balls jump under the table and, since there's a rug there, they are
less audible. This is a great advantage: only faint, hollow noises can be
heard, one has to pay great attention to catch their sound. Blumfeld, however,
does pay great attention, and hears them distinctly. But this is so only for
the moment, in a little while he probably won't hear them any more. The fact
that they cannot make themselves more audible on the rug strikes Blumfeld as a
great weakness on the part of the balls. What one has to do is lay one or even
better two rugs under them and they are all but powerless. Admittedly only for
a limited time, and besides, their very existence wields a certain power.
Right now Blumfeld could have made
good use of a dog, a wild young animal would soon have dealt with these balls;
he imagines this dog trying to catch them with its paws, chasing them from
their positions, hunting them all over the room, and finally getting hold of
them between its teeth. It's quite possible that before long Blumfeld will
acquire a dog.
For the moment, however, the balls
have no one to fear but Blumfeld, and he has no desire to destroy them just
now, perhaps he lacks the necessary determination. He comes home in the evening
tired from work and just when he is in need of some rest he is faced with this
surprise. Only now does he realize how tired he really is. No doubt he will
destroy the balls, and that in the near future, but not just yet, probably not
until tomorrow. If one looks at the whole thing with an unprejudiced eye, the
balls behave modestly enough. From time to time, for instance, they could jump
into the foreground, show themselves, and then return again to their positions,
or they could jump higher so as to beat against the tabletop in order to compensate
themselves for the muffling effect of the rug. But this they don't do, they
don't want to irritate Blumfeld unduly, they are evidently confining themselves
to what is absolutely necessary.
Even this measured necessity,
however, is quite sufficient to spoil Blumfeld's rest at the table. He has been
sitting there only a few minutes and is already considering going to bed. One
of his motives for this is that he can't smoke here, for he has left the
matches on his bedside table. Thus he would have to fetch these matches, but
once having reached the bedside table he might as well stay there and lie down.
For this he has an ulterior motive: he thinks that the balls, with their mania
for keeping behind him, will jump onto the bed, and that there, in lying down,
on purpose or not, he will squash them. The objection that what would then
remain of the balls could still go on jumping, he dismisses. Even the unusual
must have its limits. Complete balls jump anyway, even if not incessantly, but
fragments of balls never jump, and consequently will not jump in this case,
either. "Up!" he shouts, having grown almost reckless from this
reflection and, the balls still behind him, he stamps off to bed. His hope
seems to be confirmed, for when he purposely takes up a position quite near the
bed, one ball promptly springs onto it. Then, however, the unexpected occurs:
the other ball disappears under the bed. The possibility that the balls could
jump under the bed as well had not occurred to Blumfeld. He is outraged about
the one ball, although he is aware how unjust this is, for by jumping under the
bed the ball fulfills its duty perhaps better than the ball on the bed. Now
everything depends on which place the balls decide to choose, for Blumfeld does
not believe that they can work separately for any length of time. And sure
enough a moment later the ball on the floor also jumps onto the bed. Now I've
got them, thinks Blumfeld, hot with joy, and tears his dressing gown from his
body to throw himself into bed. At that moment, however, the very same ball
jumps back under the bed. Overwhelmed with disappointment, Blumfeld almost
collapses. Very likely the ball just took a good look around up there and
decided it didn't like it. And now the other one has followed, too, and of course
remains, for it's better down there. "Now I'll have these drummers with me
all night," thinks Blumfeld, biting his lips and nodding his head.
He feels gloomy, without actually
knowing what harm the balls could do him in the night. He is a good sleeper, he
will easily be able to ignore so slight a noise. To make quite sure of this and
mindful of his past experience, he lays two rugs on the floor. It's as if he
owned a little dog for which he wants to make a soft bed. And as though the
balls had also grown tired and sleepy, their jumping has become lower and
slower than before. As Blumfeld kneels beside the bed, lamp in hand, he thinks
for a moment that the balls might come to rest on the rug -- they fall so
weakly, roll so slowly along. Then, however, they dutifully rise again. Yet it
is quite possible that in the morning when Blumfeld looks under the bed he'll
find there two quiet, harmless children's balls.
But it seems that they may not even
be able to keep up their jumping until the morning, for as soon as Blumfeld is
in bed he doesn't hear them anymore. He strains his ears, leans out of bed to
listen -- not a sound. The effect of the rugs can't be as strong as that; the
only explanation is that the balls are no longer jumping, either because they
aren't able to bounce themselves off the rug and have therefore abandoned
jumping for the time being or, which is more likely, they will never jump
again. Blumfeld could get up and see exactly what's going on, but in his relief
at finding peace at last he prefers to remain where he is. He would rather not
risk disturbing the pacified balls even with his eyes. Even smoking he happily
renounces, turns over on his side, and promptly goes to sleep.
But he does not remain undisturbed;
as usual he sleeps without dreaming, but very restlessly. Innumerable times
during the night he is startled by the delusion that someone is knocking at his
door. He knows quite well that no one is knocking; who would knock at night and
at his lonely bachelor's door? Yet although he knows this for certain, he is
startled again and again and each time glances in suspense at the door, his
mouth open, eyes wide, a strand of hair trembling over his damp forehead. He
tries to count how many times he has been woken but, dizzy from the huge numbers
he arrives at, he falls back to sleep again. He thinks he knows where the
knocking comes from; not from the door, but somewhere quite different; being
heavy with sleep, however, he cannot quite remember on what his suspicions are
based. All he knows is that innumerable tiny unpleasant sounds accumulate
before producing the great strong knocking. He would happily suffer all the
unpleasantness of the small sounds if he could be spared the actual knocking,
but for some reason it's too late; he cannot interfere, the moment has passed,
he can't even speak, his mouth opens but all that comes out is a silent yawn,
and furious at this he thrusts his face into the pillows. Thus the night
passes.
In the morning he is awakened by the
charwoman's knocking; with a sigh of relief he welcomes the gentle tap on the
door whose inaudibility has in the past always been one of his sources of
complaint. He is about to shout "Come in!" when he hears another
lively, faint, yet all but belligerent knocking. It's the balls under the bed.
Have they woken up? Have they, unlike him, gathered new strength overnight?
"Just a moment," shouts Blumfeld to the charwoman, jumps out of bed,
and, taking great care to keep the balls behind him, throws himself on the
floor, his back still toward them; then, twisting his head over his shoulder,
he glances at the balls and nearly lets out a curse. Like children pushing away
blankets that annoy them at night, the balls have apparently spent all night
pushing the rugs, with tiny twitching movements, so far away from under the bed
that they are now once more on the parquet, where they can continue making
their noise. "Back onto the rugs!" says Blumfeld with an angry face,
and only when the balls, thanks to the rugs, have become quiet again, does he
call in the charwoman. While she -- a fat, dull-witted, stiff-backed woman --
is laying the breakfast on the table and doing the few necessary chores,
Blumfeld stands motionless in his dressing gown by his bed so as to keep the
balls in their place. With his eyes he follows the charwoman to see whether she
notices anything. This, since she is hard of hearing, is very unlikely, and the
fact that Blumfeld thinks he sees the charwoman stopping here and there,
holding on to some furniture and listening with raised eyebrows, he puts down
to his overwrought condition caused by a bad night's sleep. It would relieve
him if he could persuade the charwoman to speed up her work, but if anything
she is slower than usual. She loads herself laboriously with Blumfeld's clothes
and shuffles out with them into the corridor, stays away a long time, and the
din she makes beating the clothes echoes in his ears with slow, monotonous
thuds. And during all this time Blumfeld has to remain on the bed, cannot move
for fear of drawing the balls behind him, has to let the coffee -- which he
likes to drink as hot as possible -- get cold, and can do nothing but stare at
the drawn blinds behind which the day is dimly dawning. At last the charwoman
has finished, bids him good morning, and is about to leave; but before she
actually goes she hesitates by the door, moves her lips a little, and takes a
long look at Blumfeld. Blumfeld is about to remonstrate when she at last
departs. Blumfeld longs to fling the door open and shout after her that she is
a stupid, idiotic old woman. However, when he reflects on what he actually has
against her, he can only think of the paradox of her having clearly noticed
nothing and yet trying to give the impression that she has. How confused his
thoughts have become! And all on account of a bad night. Some explanation for
his poor sleep he finds in the fact that last night he deviated from his usual
habits by not smoking or drinking any schnapps. When for once I don't smoke or
drink schnapps -- and this is the result of his reflections -- I sleep badly.
From now on he is going to take
better care of his health, and he begins by fetching some cotton wool from his
medicine chest which hangs over his bedside table and putting two little wads
of it into his ears. Then he stands up and takes a trial step. Although the
balls do follow he can hardly hear them; the addition of another wad makes them
quite inaudible. Blumfeld takes a few more steps; nothing particularly
unpleasant happens. Everyone for himself, Blumfeld as well as the balls, and
although they are bound to one another they don't disturb each other. Only
once, when Blumfeld turns around rather suddenly and one ball fails to make the
countermovement fast enough, does he touch it with his knee. But this is the only
incident. Otherwise Blumfeld calmly drinks his coffee; he is as hungry as
though, instead of sleeping last night, he had gone for a long walk; he washes
in cold, exceedingly refreshing water, and puts on his clothes. He still hasn't
pulled up the blinds; rather, as a precaution, he has preferred to remain in
semidarkness; he has no wish for the balls to be seen by other eyes. But now
that he is ready to go he has somehow to provide for the balls in case they
should dare -- not that he thinks they will -- to follow him into the street.
He thinks of a good solution, opens the large wardrobe, and places himself with
his back to it. As though divining his intention, the balls steer clear of the
wardrobe's interior, taking advantage of every inch of space between Blumfeld
and the wardrobe; when there's no other alternative they jump into the wardrobe
for a moment, but when faced by the dark out they promptly jump again. Rather
than be lured over the edge further into the wardrobe, they neglect their duty
and stay by Blumfeld's side. But their little ruses avail them nothing, for now
Blumfeld himself climbs backward into the wardrobe and they have to follow him.
And with this their fate has been sealed, for on the floor of the wardrobe lie
various smallish objects such as boots, boxes, small trunks which, although
carefully arranged -- Blumfeld now regrets this -- nevertheless considerably
hamper the balls. And when Blumfeld, having by now pulled the door almost to,
jumps out of it with an enormous leap such as he has not made for years, slams
the door, and turns the key, the balls are imprisoned. "Well, that
worked," thinks Blumfeld, wiping the sweat from his face. What a din the
balls are making in the wardrobe! It sounds as though they are desperate. Blumfeld,
on the other hand, is very contented. He leaves the room and already the
deserted corridor has a soothing effect on him. He takes the wool out of his
ears and is enchanted by the countless sounds of the waking house. Few people
are to be seen, it's still very early.
Downstairs in the hall in front of
the low door leading to the charwoman's basement apartment stands that woman's
ten-year-old son. The image of his mother, not one feature of the woman has
been omitted in this child's face. Bandy-legged, hands in his trouser pockets,
he stands there wheezing, for he already has a goiter and can breathe only with
difficulty. But whereas Blumfeld, whenever the boy crosses his path, usually
quickens his step to spare himself the spectacle, today he almost feels like
pausing for a moment. Even if the boy has been brought into the world by this
woman and shows every sign of his origin, he is nevertheless a child, the
thoughts of a child still dwell in this shapeless head, and if one were to speak
to him sensibly and ask him something, he would very likely answer in a bright
voice, innocent and reverential, and after some inner struggle one could bring
oneself to pat these cheeks. Although this is what Blumfeld thinks, he
nevertheless passes him by. In the street he realizes that the weather is
pleasanter than he had suspected from his room. The morning mist has dispersed
and patches of blue sky have appeared, brushed by a strong wind. Blumfeld has
the balls to thank for his having left his room much earlier than usual; even
the paper he has left unread on the table; in any case he has saved a great
deal of time and can now afford to walk slowly. It is remarkable how little he
worries about the balls now that he is separated from them. So long as they
were following him they could have been considered as something belonging to
him, something which, in passing judgment on his person, had somehow to be
taken into consideration. Now, however, they were mere toys in his wardrobe at
home. And it occurs to Blumfeld that the best way of rendering the balls
harmless would be to put them to their original use. There in the hall stands
the boy; Blumfeld will give him the balls, not lend them, but actually present
them to him, which is surely tantamount to ordering their destruction. And even
if they were to remain intact they would mean even less in the boy's hands than
in the wardrobe, the whole house would watch the boy playing with them, other
children would join in, and the general opinion that the balls are things to
play with and in no way life companions of Blumfeld would be firmly and
irrefutably established. Blumfeld runs back into the house. The boy has just
gone down the basement stairs and is about to open the door. So Blumfeld has to
call the boy and pronounce his name, a name that to him seems as ludicrous as
everything else connected with the child. "Alfred! Alfred!" he
shouts. The boy hesitates for a long time. "Come here!" shouts
Blumfeld, "I've got something for you." The janitor's two little
girls appear from the door opposite and, full of curiosity, take up positions
on either side of Blumfeld. They grasp the situation much more quickly than the
boy and cannot understand why he doesn't come at once. Without taking their
eyes off Blumfeld they beckon to the boy, but cannot fathom what kind of
present is awaiting Alfred. Tortured with curiosity, they hop from one foot to
the other. Blumfeld laughs at them as well as at the boy. The latter seems to
have figured it all out and climbs stiffly, clumsily up the steps. Not even in
his gait can he manage to belie his mother, who, incidentally, has appeared in
the basement doorway. To make sure that the charwoman also understands and in
the hope that she will supervise the carrying out of his instructions, should
it be necessary, Blumfeld shouts excessively loud. "Up in my room,"
says Blumfeld, "I have two lovely balls. Would you like to have
them?" Not knowing how to behave, the boy simply screws up his mouth,
turns around, and looks inquiringly down at his mother. The girls, however,
promptly begin to jump around Blumfeld and ask him for the balls. "You
will be allowed to play with them too," Blumfeld tells them, but waits for
the boy's answer. He could of course give the balls to the girls, but they strike
him as too unreliable and for the moment he has more confidence in the boy.
Meanwhile, the latter, without having exchanged a word, has taken counsel with
his mother and nods his assent to Blumfeld's repeated question. "Then
listen," says Blumfeld, who is quite prepared to receive no thanks for his
gift. "Your mother has the key of my door, you must borrow it from her.
But here is the key of my wardrobe, and in the wardrobe you will find the
balls. Take good care to lock the wardrobe and the room again. But with the
balls you can do what you like and you don't have to bring them back. Have you
understood me?"
Unfortunately, the boy has not
understood. Blumfeld has tried to make everything particularly clear to this
hopelessly dense creature, but for this very reason has repeated everything too
often, has in turn too often mentioned keys, room, and wardrobe, and as a
result the boy stares at him as though he were rather a seducer than his
benefactor. The girls, on the other hand, have understood everything
immediately, press against Blumfeld, and stretch out their hands for the key.
"Wait a moment," says Blumfeld, by now annoyed with them all. Time,
moreover, is passing, he can't stand about much longer. If only the mother
would say that she has understood him and take matters in hand for the boy!
Instead of which she still stands down by the door, smiles with the affectation
of the bashful deaf, and is probably under the impression that Blumfeld up
there has suddenly fallen for the boy and is hearing him his lessons. Blumfeld
on the other hand can't very well climb down the basement stairs and shout into
the charwoman's ear to make her son for God's sake relieve him of the balls! It
had required enough of his self-control as it was to entrust the key of his
wardrobe for a whole day to this family. It is certainly not in order to save
himself trouble that he is handing the key to the boy rather than himself
leading the boy up and there giving him the balls. But he can't very well first
give the balls away and then immediately deprive the boy of them by -- as would
be bound to happen -- drawing them after him as his followers. "So you
still don't understand me?" asks Blumfeld almost wistfully after having
started a fresh explanation which, however, he immediately interrupts at sight
of the boy's vacant stare. So vacant a stare renders one helpless. It could
tempt one into saying more than one intends, if only to fill the vacancy with
sense. Whereupon "We'll fetch the balls for him!" shout the girls.
They are shrewd and have realized that they can obtain the balls only through
using the boy as an intermediary, but that they themselves have to bring about
this mediation. From the janitor's room a clock strikes, warning Blumfeld to
hurry. "Well, then, take the key," says Blumfeld, and the key is more
snatched from his hand than given by him. He would have handed it to the boy
with infinitely more confidence. "The key to the room you'll have to get
from the woman," Blumfeld adds. "And when you return with the balls you
must hand both keys to her." "Yes, yes!" shout the girls and run
down the steps. They know everything, absolutely everything; and as though
Blumfeld were infected by the boy's denseness, he is unable to understand how
they could have grasped everything so quickly from his explanations.
Now they are already tugging at the
charwoman's skirt but, tempting as it would be, Blumfeld cannot afford to watch
them carrying out their task, not only because it's already late, but also
because he has no desire to be present at the liberation of the balls. He would
in fact far prefer to be several streets away when the girls first open the
door of his room. After all, how does he know what else he might have to expect
from these balls! And so for the second time this morning he leaves the house.
He has one last glimpse of the charwoman defending herself against the girls,
and of the boy stirring his bandy legs to come to his mother's assistance. It's
beyond Blumfeld's comprehension why a creature like this servant should prosper
and propagate in this world.
While on his way to the linen
factory, where Blumfeld is employed, thoughts about his work gradually get the
upper hand. He quickens his step and, despite the delay caused by the boy, he
is the first to arrive in his office. This office is a glass-enclosed room
containing a writing desk for Blumfeld and two standing desks for the two
assistants subordinate to him. Although these standing desks are so small and
narrow as to suggest they are meant for schoolchildren, this office is very
crowded and the assistants cannot sit down, for then there would be no place
for Blumfeld's chair. As a result they stand all day, pressed against their
desks. For them of course this is very uncomfortable, but it also makes it very
difficult for Blumfeld to keep an eye on them. They often press eagerly against
their desks not so much in order to work as to whisper to one another or even
to take forty winks. They give Blumfeld a great deal of trouble; they don't
help him sufficiently with the enormous amount of work that is imposed on him.
This work involves supervising the whole distribution of fabrics and cash among
the women homeworkers who are employed by the factory for the manufacture of
certain fancy commodities. To appreciate the magnitude of this task an intimate
knowledge of the general conditions is necessary. But since Blumfeld's
immediate superior has died some years ago, no one any longer possesses this
knowledge, which is also why Blumfeld cannot grant anyone the right to pronounce
an opinion on his work. The manufacturer, Herr Ottomar, for instance, clearly
underestimates Blumfeld's work; no doubt he recognizes that in the course of
twenty years Blumfeld has deserved well of the factory, and this he
acknowledges not only because he is obliged to, but also because he respects
Blumfeld as a loyal, trustworthy person. -- He underestimates his work,
nevertheless, for he believes it could be conducted by methods more simple and
therefore in every respect more profitable than those employed by Blumfeld. It
is said, and it is probably not incorrect, that Ottomar shows himself so rarely
in Blumfeld's department simply to spare himself the annoyance that the sight
of Blumfeld's working methods causes him. To be so unappreciated is undoubtedly
sad for Blumfeld, but there is no remedy, for he cannot very well compel
Ottomar to spend let us say a whole month on end in Blumfeld's department in
order to study the great variety of work being accomplished there, to apply his
own allegedly better methods, and to let himself be convinced of Blumfeld's
soundness by the collapse of the department -- which would be the inevitable
result. And so Blumfeld carries on his work undeterred as before, gives a
little start whenever Ottomar appears after a long absence, then with the
subordinate's sense of duty makes a feeble effort to explain to Ottomar this or
that arrangement, whereupon the latter, his eyes lowered and giving a silent
nod, passes on. But what worries Blumfeld more than this lack of appreciation
is the thought that one day he will be compelled to leave his job, the
immediate consequence of which will be pandemonium, a confusion no one will be
able to straighten out because so far as he knows there isn't a single soul in
the factory capable of replacing him and of carrying on his job in a manner
that could be relied upon to prevent months of the most serious interruptions.
Needless to say, if the boss underestimates an employee the latter's colleagues
try their best to surpass him in this respect. In consequence everyone
underestimates Blumfeld's work; no one considers it necessary to spend any time
training in Blumfeld's department, and when new employees are hired not one of
them is ever assigned to Blumfeld. As a result Blumfeld's department lacks a
younger generation to carry on. When Blumfeld, who up to then had been managing
the entire department with the help of only one servant, demanded an assistant,
weeks of bitter fighting ensued. Almost every day Blumfeld appeared in
Ottomar's office and explained to him calmly and in minute detail why an
assistant was needed in his department. He was needed not by any means because
Blumfeld wished to spare himself, Blumfeld had no intention of sparing himself,
he was doing more than his share of work and this he had no desire to change,
but would Herr Ottomar please consider how in the course of time the business
had grown, how every department had been correspondingly enlarged, with the
exception of Blumfeld's department, which was invariably forgotten! And would
he consider too how the work had increased just there! When Blumfeld had
entered the firm, a time Herr Ottomar probably could not remember, they had
employed some ten seamstresses, today the number varied between fifty and
sixty. Such a job requires great energy; Blumfeld could guarantee that he was
completely wearing himself out in this work, but that he will continue to
master it completely he can henceforth no longer guarantee. True, Herr Ottomar
had never flatly refused Blumfeld's requests, this was something he could not
do to an old employee, but the manner in which he hardly listened, in which he
talked to others over Blumfeld's head, made halfhearted promises and had
forgotten everything in a few days -- this behavior was insulting, to say the
least. Not actually to Blumfeld, Blumfeld is no romantic, pleasant as honor and
recognition may be, Blumfeld can do without them, in spite of everything he
will stick to his desk as long as it is at all possible, in any case he is in
the right, and right, even though on occasion it may take a long time, must
prevail in the end. True, Blumfeld has at last been given two assistants, but
what assistants! One might have thought Ottomar had realized he could express
his contempt for the department even better by granting rather than by refusing
it these assistants. It was even possible that Ottomar had kept Blumfeld
waiting so long because he was looking for two assistants just like these, and
-- as may be imagined -- took a long time to find them. And now of course
Blumfeld could no longer complain; if he did, the answer could easily be
foreseen: after all, he had asked for one assistant and had been given two,
that's how cleverly Ottomar had arranged things. Needless to say, Blumfeld
complained just the same, but only because his predicament all but forced him
to do so, not because he still hoped for any redress. Nor did he complain
emphatically, but only by the way, whenever the occasion arose. Nevertheless,
among his spiteful colleagues the rumor soon spread that someone had asked
Ottomar if it were really possible that Blumfeld, who after all had been given
such unusual aid, was still complaining. To which Ottomar answered that this
was correct, Blumfeld was still complaining, and rightly so. He, Ottomar, had
at last realized this and he intended gradually to assign to Blumfeld one
assistant for each seamstress, in other words some sixty in all. In case this
number should prove insufficient, however, he would let him have even more and
would not cease until the bedlam, which had been developing for years in
Blumfeld's department, was complete. Now it cannot be denied that in this
remark Ottomar's manner of speech had been cleverly imitated, but Blumfeld had
no doubts whatever that Ottomar would not dream of speaking about him in such a
way. The whole thing was a fabrication of the loafers in the offices on the
first floor. Blumfeld ignored it -- if only he could as calmly have ignored the
presence of the assistants! But there they stood, and could not be spirited
away. Pale, weak children. According to their credentials they had already
passed school age, but in reality this was difficult to believe. In fact their
rightful place was so clearly at their mother's knee that one would hardly have
dared to entrust them to a teacher. They still couldn't even move properly;
standing up for any length of time tired them inordinately, especially when
they first arrived. When left to themselves they promptly doubled up in their
weakness, standing hunched and crooked in their corner. Blumfeld tried to point
out to them that if they went on giving in to their indolence they would become
cripples for life. To ask the assistants to make the slightest move was to take
a risk; once when one of them had been ordered to carry something a short
distance, he had run so eagerly that he had banged his knee against a desk. The
room had been full of seamstresses, the desks covered in merchandise, but
Blumfeld had been obliged to neglect everything and take the sobbing assistant
into the office and there bandage his wound. Yet even this zeal on the part of
the assistant was superficial; like actual children they tried once in a while
to excel, but far more often -- indeed almost always -- they tried to divert
their superior's attention and to cheat him. Once, at a time of the most
intensive work, Blumfeld had rushed past them, dripping with sweat, and had
observed them secretly swapping stamps among the bales of merchandise. He had
felt like banging them on the head with his fists, it would have been the only
possible punishment for such behavior, but they were after all only children
and Blumfeld could not very well knock children down. And so he continued to
put up with them. Originally he had imagined that the assistants would help him
with the essential chores which at the moment of the distribution of goods
required so much effort and vigilance. He had imagined himself standing in the
center behind his desk, keeping an eye on everything, and making the entries in
the books while the assistants ran to and fro, distributing everything
according to his orders. He had imagined that his supervision, which, sharp as
it was, could not cope with such a crowd, would be complemented by the
assistants' attention; he had hoped that these assistants would gradually
acquire experience, cease depending entirely on his orders, and finally learn
to discriminate on their own between the seamstresses as to their
trustworthiness and requirements. Blumfeld soon realized that all these hopes
had been in vain and that he could not afford to let them even talk to the
seamstresses. From the beginning they had ignored some of the seamstresses,
either from fear or dislike; others to whom they felt partial they would
sometimes run to meet at the door. To them the assistants would bring whatever
the women wanted, pressing it almost secretly into their hands, although the
seamstresses were perfectly entitled to receive it, would collect on a bare
shelf for these favorites various cuttings, worthless remnants, but also a few
still useful odds and ends, waving them blissfully at the women behind
Blumfeld's back and in return having sweets popped into their mouths. Blumfeld
of course soon put an end to this mischief and the moment the seamstresses
arrived he ordered the assistants back into their glass-enclosed cubicles. But
for a long time they considered this to be a grave injustice, they sulked,
willfully broke their nibs, and sometimes, although not daring to raise their
heads, even knocked loudly against the glass panes in order to attract the
seamstresses' attention to the bad treatment that in their opinion they were
suffering at Blumfeld's hands.
The wrong they do themselves the
assistants cannot see. For instance, they almost always arrive late at the
office. Blumfeld, their superior, who from his earliest youth has considered it
natural to arrive half an hour before the office opens -- not from ambition or
an exaggerated sense of duty but simply from a certain feeling of decency --
often has to wait more than an hour for his assistants. Chewing his breakfast
roll he stands behind his desk, looking through the accounts in the
seamstresses' little books. Soon he is immersed in his work and thinking of
nothing else when suddenly he receives such a shock that his pen continues to
tremble in his hand for some while afterwards. One of the assistants has dashed
in, looking as though he is about to collapse; he is holding on to something
with one hand while the other is pressed against his heaving chest. All this,
however, simply means that he is making excuses for being late, excuses so
absurd that Blumfeld purposely ignores them, for if he didn't he would have to
give the young man a well-deserved thrashing. As it is, he just glances at him
for a moment, points with outstretched hand at the cubicle, and turns back to
his work. Now one really might expect the assistant to appreciate his
superior's kindness and hurry to his place. No, he doesn't hurry, he dawdles
about, he walks on tiptoe, slowly placing one foot in front of the other. Is he
trying to ridicule his superior? No. Again it's just that mixture of fear and
self-complacency against which one is powerless. How else explain the fact that
even today Blumfeld, who has himself arrived unusually late in the office and now
after a long wait -- he doesn't feel like checking the books -- sees, through
the clouds of dust raised by the stupid servant with his broom, the two
assistants sauntering peacefully along the street? Arm in arm, they appear to
be telling one another important things which, however, are sure to have only
the remotest and very likely irreverent connections with the office. The nearer
they approach the glass door, the slower they walk. One of them seizes the door
handle but fails to turn it; they just go on talking, listening, laughing.
"Hurry out and open the door for our gentlemen!" shouts Blumfeld at
the servant, throwing up his hands. But when the assistants come in, Blumfeld
no longer feels like quarreling, ignores their greetings, and goes to his desk.
He starts doing his accounts, but now and again glances up to see what his
assistants are up to. One of them seems to be very tired and rubs his eyes.
When hanging up his overcoat he takes the opportunity to lean against the wall.
On the street he seemed lively enough, but the proximity of work tires him. The
other assistant, however, is eager to work, but only work of a certain kind.
For a long time it has been his wish to be allowed to sweep. But this is work
to which he is not entitled; sweeping is exclusively the servant's job; in
itself Blumfeld would have nothing against the assistant sweeping, let the
assistant sweep, he can't make a worse job of it than the servant, but if the
assistant wants to sweep then he must come earlier, before the servant begins
to sweep, and not spend on it time that is reserved exclusively for office
work. But since the young man is totally deaf to any sensible argument, at
least the servant -- that half-blind old buffer whom the boss would certainly
not tolerate in any department but Blumfeld's and who is still alive only by
the grace of the boss and God -- at least the servant might be sensible and
hand the broom for a moment to the young man who, being clumsy, would soon lose
his interest and run after the servant with the broom in order to persuade him
to go on sweeping. It appears, however, that the servant feels especially
responsible for the sweeping; one can see how he, the moment the young man
approaches him, tries to grasp the broom more firmly with his trembling hands;
he even stands still and stops sweeping so as to direct his full attention to
the ownership of the broom. The assistant doesn't actually plead in words, for
he is afraid of Blumfeld, who is ostensibly doing his accounts; moreover,
ordinary speech is useless, since the servant can be made to hear only by
excessive shouting. So at first the assistant tugs the servant by the sleeve.
The servant knows, of course, what it is about, glowers at the assistant,
shakes his head, and pulls the broom nearer, up to his chest. Whereupon the
assistant folds his hands and pleads. Actually, he has no hope of achieving
anything by pleading, but the pleading amuses him and so he pleads. The other
assistant follows the goings-on with low laughter and seems to think, heaven knows
why, that Blumfeld can't hear him. The pleading makes not the slightest
impression on the servant, who turns around and thinks he can safely use the
broom again. The assistant, however, has skipped after him on tiptoe and,
rubbing his hands together imploringly, now pleads from another side. This
turning of the one and skipping of the other is repeated several times. Finally
the servant feels cut off from all sides and realizes something which, had he
been slightly less stupid, he might have realized from the beginning -- that he
will be tired out long before the assistant. So, looking for help elsewhere, he
wags his finger at the assistant and points at Blumfeld, suggesting that he
will lodge a complaint if the assistant refuses to desist. The assistant
realizes that if he is to get the broom at all he'll have to hurry, so he
impudently makes a grab for it. An involuntary scream from the other assistant
heralds the imminent decision. The servant saves the broom once more by taking
a step back and dragging it after him. But now the assistant is up in arms:
with open mouth and flashing eyes he leaps forward, the servant tries to
escape, but his old legs wobble rather than run, the assistant tugs at the
broom and though he doesn't succeed in getting it he nevertheless causes it to
drop and in this way it is lost to the servant. Also apparently to the
assistant for, the moment the broom falls, all three, the two assistants and
the servant, are paralyzed, for now Blumfeld is bound to discover everything.
And sure enough Blumfeld at his peephole glances up as though taking in the
situation only now. He stares at each one with a stern and searching eye, even
the broom on the floor does not escape his notice. Perhaps the silence has
lasted too long or perhaps the assistant can no longer suppress his desire to
sweep, in any case he bends down -- albeit very carefully, as though about to
grab an animal rather than a broom -- seizes it, passes it over the floor, but,
when Blumfeld jumps up and steps out of his cubicle, promptly casts it aside in
alarm. "Both of you back to work! And not another sound out of you!"
shouts Blumfeld, and with an outstretched hand he directs the two assistants
back to their desks. They obey at once, but not shamefaced or with lowered
heads, rather they squeeze themselves stiffly past Blumfeld, staring him
straight in the eye as though trying in this way to stop him from beating them.
Yet they might have learned from experience that Blumfeld on principle never
beats anyone. But they are overapprehensive, and without any tact keep trying
to protect their real or imaginary rights.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Warden of the Tomb
Small workroom,
high window, beyond it a bare treetop. PRINCE (at writing table, leaning back in chair,
looking out of window). CHAMBERLAIN (white
beard, youthfully squeezed into tight jacket, standing against wall near center
door).
Pause.
PRINCE (turning from window): Well?
CHAMBERLAIN: I cannot recommend it, your Highness.
PRINCE: Why?
CHAMBERLAIN: I can't quite formulate my objections at the
moment. I'm expressing only a fraction of what's on my mind when I quote the
universal saying: Let the dead rest in peace.
PRINCE: That's my opinion, too.
CHAMBERLAIN: In
that case I haven't properly understood.
PRINCE: So it seems.
Pause.
PRINCE: Perhaps
the only thing that disconcerts you is that instead of going ahead with the
arrangement, I announced it to you first.
CHAMBERLAIN: The announcement certainly burdens me with a
great responsibility which I must endeavor to live up to.
PRINCE: Don't speak of responsibility!
Pause.
PRINCE: Let's see. Hitherto the tomb in the
Friedrichspark has been guarded by a warden who lives in a lodge at the park's
entrance. Was there anything wrong with this?
CHAMBERLAIN: Certainly
not. The tomb is more than four hundred years old and has always been
guarded in this way.
PRINCE: It could be an abuse. But it isn't an abuse, is
it?
CHAMBERLAIN: It is a necessary arrangement.
PRINCE: All right then, a necessary arrangement. I've
been here in the castle quite some time now, have gained some insight into
details which hitherto have been entrusted to strangers -- they manage fairly
well -- and I've come to this conclusion: the Warden up there in the park is
not enough. There must also be a guard down in the tomb. It probably won't be a
pleasant job. But experience has proved that willing and suitable people can be
found for any job.
CHAMBERLAIN: Needless to say, any orders issued by your
Highness will be carried out, even if the necessity of the order is not fully
understood.
PRINCE (starting up): Necessity! Do you mean to say that a guard at the park gate
is necessary? The Friedrichspark belongs to the castle park, is entirely
surrounded by it. The castle park itself is amply guarded -- by the army,
what's more. So why a special guard for the Friedrichspark? Isn't this a mere
formality? A pleasant deathbed for the wretched old man who is keeping watch
there?
CHAMBERLAIN: Formality it is, but a necessary one. A
demonstration of reverence for the illustrious dead.
PRINCE: And what about the guard in the tomb itself?
CHAMBERLAIN: In my opinion this would have a police
connotation. It would mean a real guarding of unreal things beyond the human
sphere.
PRINCE: For my family this tomb represents the frontier
between the Human and the Other, and it's on this frontier that I wish to post
a guard. As for the police connotation, as you call it, we can question the
Warden himself. I've sent for him. (Rings a bell.)
CHAMBERLAIN: He's a confused old man, if I may say so, already quite out
of hand.
PRINCE: If that's so, all the more reason for
strengthening the guard in the way I've suggested.
(Enter servant.)
PRINCE: The Warden of the tomb!
(Servant leads in Warden, holding
him tight around the waist to prevent him from collapsing. Ancient red livery
hanging loosely about Warden, brightly polished silver buttons, several
decorations. Cap in hand, he trembles under the gentlemen's gaze.)
PRINCE: Put him on the divan!
(Servant lays him down and goes
off. Pause. A faint rattling in Warden's throat.)
PRINCE (again in armchair): Can you hear?
WARDEN (tries to answer but fails, is too exhausted, sinks back
again).
PRINCE: Try to pull yourself together. We're waiting.
CHAMBERLAIN (leaning over Prince): What could this man give information about? And credible
and important information at that? He ought to be taken straight to bed.
WARDEN: Not to bed -- still strong -- fairly -- can still hold my
end up.
PRINCE: So you should. You've only just turned sixty.
Granted, you look very weak.
WARDEN: I'll pick up in no time -- feel better in a minute.
PRINCE: It wasn't meant as a reproach. I'm only sorry
you aren't feeling well. Have you anything to complain about?
WARDEN: Hard work -- hard work -- not complaining -- but very weak
-- wrestling bouts every night.
PRINCE: What d'you say?
WARDEN: Hard work.
PRINCE: You said something else.
WARDEN: Wrestling bouts.
PRINCE: Wrestling bouts? What kind of wrestling bouts?
WARDEN: With the blessed ancestors.
PRINCE: I don't understand. D'you have bad dreams?
WARDEN: No dreams -- don't sleep.
PRINCE: Then let's hear about these -- these wrestling
bouts.
WARDEN (remains silent).
PRINCE (to Chamberlain): Why doesn't he speak?
CHAMBERLAIN (hurrying to Warden): He may die any minute.
PRINCE (stands up).
WARDEN (as Chamberlain touches him): Don't, don't, don't! (Fights off Chamberlain's hands, then collapses
in tears.)
PRINCE: We're tormenting him.
CHAMBERLAIN: How?
PRINCE: I don't know.
CHAMBERLAIN: Coming to the castle, having to present himself here, the
sight of your Highness, this questioning -- he no longer has the wits to face
all this.
PRINCE (still staring at the Warden): That's not it.
(Goes to divan, bends over Warden, takes his little skull in his
hands.) Mustn't cry. What are you crying for? We wish you well. I realize
your job isn't easy. You've certainly deserved well of my family. So stop
crying and tell us all about it.
WARDEN: But I'm so afraid of that gentleman there -- (Looks at
Chamberlain, more threateningly than afraid.)
PRINCE (to Chamberlain): If we want him to talk I'm afraid you'll have to leave.
CHAMBERLAIN:
But look, your Highness,
he's foaming at the mouth. He's seriously ill.
PRINCE (absent-mindedly): Please go, it won't take long.
Exit Chamberlain.
Prince sits on edge of divan.
Pause.
PRINCE: Why were you afraid of him?
WARDEN (surprisingly composed): I wasn't afraid. Me afraid of a servant?
PRINCE: He's not a servant. He's a Count, free and rich.
WARDEN: A servant all the same, you are the master.
PRINCE: If you like it that way. But you said yourself
that you were afraid of him.
WARDEN: I didn't want to say things in front of him which are meant
only for you. Haven't I already said too much in front of him?
PRINCE: So we're on terms of intimacy, and yet today is
the first time I've seen you.
WARDEN: Seen for the first time, but you've always known that I (raising
his forefinger) hold the most important position at Court. You even
acknowledged it publicly by awarding me the medal "Red-as-Fire."
Here! (Holds up the medal on his
coat.)
PRINCE: No, that's the medal for twenty-five years'
service at Court. My grandfather gave you that. But I'll decorate you, too.
WARDEN: Do as you please and grant me whatever you think I deserve.
I've acted as your tomb Warden for thirty years.
PRINCE: Not mine. My reign has lasted hardly a year.
WARDEN (lost in thought): Thirty years.
Pause.
WARDEN (remembering only half of the Prince's remark): Nights last years there.
PRINCE: I
haven't yet had a report from your office. What's your work like?
WARDEN: Every night the same. Every night till the heart beats as
if it were about to burst.
PRINCE: Is it only night duty, then? Night duty for an
old man like you?
WARDEN: That's just it, your Highness. It's day duty. A loafer's
job. There one sits, at the front door, with one's mouth open in the sunshine.
Sometimes the watchdog pats one on the knee with its paws, and then lies down
again. That's all that ever happens.
PRINCE: Well?
WARDEN (nodding): But
it has been changed to night duty.
PRINCE: By whom?
WARDEN: By the lords of the tomb.
PRINCE: You know them?
WARDEN: Yes.
PRINCE: They come to see you?
WARDEN: Yes.
PRINCE: Last night, too?
WARDEN: Last night, too.
PRINCE: What was it like?
WARDEN (sitting up straight): Same as usual.
Prince stands up.
WARDEN: Same as usual. Quiet till midnight. I'm lying in bed --
excuse me -- smoking my pipe. My granddaughter is asleep in the next bed. At
midnight comes the first knock at the window. I look at the clock. Always to
the minute. Two more knocks, they mingle with the striking of the tower clock,
but I can still hear them. These are no human knuckles. But I know all that and
don't budge. Then it clears its throat outside, it's surprised that in spite of
all that knocking I haven't opened the window. Let his princely Highness be
surprised! The old Warden is still there! (Shows his fist.)
PRINCE: You're threatening me?
WARDEN (doesn't immediately understand): Not you. The one at the window!
PRINCE: Who is it?
WARDEN: He shows himself at once. All of a sudden window and
shutters are opened. I just have time to throw the blanket over my grandchild's
face. The storm blows in, promptly puts the light out. Duke Friedrich! His face
with beard and hair completely fills my poor window. How he has grown
throughout the centuries! When he opens his mouth to speak the wind blows his
old beard between his teeth and he bites on it.
PRINCE: Just a moment. You say Duke Friedrich? Which
Friedrich?
WARDEN: Duke Friedrich, just Duke Friedrich.
PRINCE: Is that the name he gives?
WARDEN (anxiously): No,
he doesn't give it.
PRINCE: And yet you know -- (breaking off) -- Go
on!
WARDEN: Shall I go on?
PRINCE: Of course. All this very much concerns me. There
must be an error in the distribution of labor. You're overworked.
WARDEN (kneeling): Don't
take my job away, your Highness. Having lived for you all these years, let me
also die for you! Don't wall up the grave I'm struggling toward. I serve
willingly and am still strong enough to serve. To be granted an audience like
today's, to take a rest with my master -- this gives me strength for ten years.
PRINCE (putting Warden back on divan): No one's going to take your job from you. How
could I get along without your experience? But I'll appoint another Warden,
then you'll become Head Warden.
WARDEN: Am I not good enough? Have I ever let anyone pass?
PRINCE: Into the Friedrichspark?
WARDEN: No, out of the park. Who'd want to come in? If ever anyone
stops at the railing I beckon to him from the window and he runs away. But out!
Everyone wants to get out. After midnight you can see all the voices from the
grave assembled around my house. I think it's only because they are so closely
packed together that the whole lot of them don't burst through my narrow
window. If it gets too bad, however, I grab the lantern from under my bed,
swing it high, and with laughter and moaning these incredible creatures scatter
in all directions. Then I can hear them rustling even in the farthest bush at
the end of the park. But they soon gather together again.
PRINCE: And do they tell you what they want?
WARDEN: First they give orders. Especially Duke Friedrich. No
living being could be so confident. Every night for thirty years he has been
expecting me to give in.
PRINCE: If he has been coming for thirty years it can't
be Duke Friedrich, for he has been dead only fifteen years. On the other hand,
he is the only one of that name in the tomb.
WARDEN (too carried away by his story}: That I don't know, your Highness, I never went
to school. I only know how he begins. "Old dog," he begins at the
window, "the gentlemen are knocking and you just stay in your filthy
bed." They have a particular grudge against beds, by the way. And now
every night we have the same conversation, he outside, I opposite him, my back
to the door. I say: "I'm only on day duty." The Duke turns and shouts
into the park: "He's only on day duty." Whereupon all the assembled
aristocracy burst out laughing. Then the Duke says to me again: "But it is
day." I say curtly: "You're wrong." The Duke: "Night or
day, open the door." I: "That's against my orders." And with my
pipe I point at a notice on the door. The Duke: "But you're our Warden."
I: "Your Warden, but employed by the reigning Prince." He: "Our
Warden, that's the main thing. So open up, and be quick about it." I:
"No." He: "Idiot, you'll lose your job. Prince Leo has invited
us for today."
PRINCE (quickly): I?
WARDEN: You.
Pause.
WARDEN: When I hear your name I lose my firmness. That's why I have
always taken care to lean against the door which is almost the only thing that
holds me up. Outside, everyone's singing your name. "Where's the
invitation?" I ask weakly. "Bedbug!" he shouts, "you doubt
my ducal word?" I say: "I have no orders, so I won't open, I won't
open, I won't open!" -- "He won't open!" shouts the Duke
outside. "So come on, all of you, the whole dynasty! At the door! We'll
open it ourselves." And a moment later there's nothing under my window.
Pause.
PRINCE: Is that all?
WARDEN: All? My real service begins only now. I rush out of the
door, around the house, and promptly run into the Duke and there we are, locked
in combat. He so big, I so small, he so broad, I so thin, I can fight only with
his feet, but now and again he lifts me up in the air and then I fight up
there, too. All his comrades stand around in a circle and make fun of me. One,
for instance, cuts open my trousers behind and they all play with the tail of
my shirt while I'm fighting. Can't understand why they laugh, as until now I've
always won.
PRINCE: How is it possible for you to win? Have you any
weapons?
WARDEN: I carried weapons only during the first years. What good
could they be against him? They only hampered me. We just fight with our fists,
or rather with the strength of our breath. And you're in my thoughts all the
time.
Pause.
WARDEN: But I never doubt my victory. Only sometimes I'm afraid the
Duke will let me slip through his fingers and forget that he's fighting.
PRINCE: And when do you win?
WARDEN: At dawn. Then he throws me down and spits at me. That's his
confession of defeat. But I have to go on lying there for an hour before I can
get my breath back properly.
Pause.
PRINCE (standing up): But tell me, don't you know what they really want?
WARDEN: To get out of the park.
PRINCE: But why?
WARDEN: That I don't know.
PRINCE: Haven't you asked?
WARDEN: No.
PRINCE: Why not?
WARDEN: It would embarrass me. But if you wish, I'll ask them
today.
PRINCE (shocked, loud): Today!
WARDEN (knowingly):
Yes, today.
PRINCE: And you can't even guess what they want?
WARDEN (thoughtfully): No.
Pause.
WARDEN: Perhaps I ought to add that sometimes in the early mornings
while I'm lying there trying to get my breath and even too weak to open my
eyes, there comes a delicate, moist creature, rather hairy to the touch, a
latecomer, the Countess Isabella. She runs her hand all over me, catches hold
of my beard, her whole body glides along my neck, under my chin, and she's in
the habit of saying: "Not the others, but me -- let me out." I shake
my head as much as I can. "I want to go to Prince Leo, to offer him my
hand." I keep on shaking my head. "But me, me!" I can still hear
her crying, then she's gone. And my granddaughter appears with blankets, wraps
me up in them, and waits with me till I can walk on my own. An exceptionally
good girl.
PRINCE: Isabella? The name's unknown to me.
Pause.
PRINCE: To offer me her hand! (Goes to window, looks
out.)
Enter servant through center door.
SERVANT: Her Highness, m'lady the Princess, awaits you.
PRINCE (looks absent-mindedly at servant. Turns to
Warden): Wait till I come back.
(Exit left.)
Chamberlain enters at once
through center door, then the Lord High Steward (youngish man in officer's
uniform) through door on right.
WARDEN (ducks behind divan and flourishes his hands as though
seeing ghosts).
STEWARD: The Prince has gone?
CHAMBERLAIN: Following your advice, the Princess sent for him.
STEWARD: Good. (Turns suddenly, bends over behind
divan.) And you, miserable ghost, you actually dare to appear here in the
princely castle! Aren't you afraid of the great boot that'll kick you through the
door?
WARDEN: I'm -- I'm --
STEWARD: Quiet, first of all keep quiet, don't utter --
and sit down here in this corner! (To Chamberlain) I thank you for
informing me about the latest princely whim.
CHAMBERLAIN: You inquired about it.
STEWARD: Even so. And now a confidential word. Purposely
in front of that creature there. You, Count, are flirting with the opposition.
CHAMBERLAIN: Is that an accusation?
STEWARD: An apprehension, so far.
CHAMBERLAIN: In that case I can answer. I'm not flirting with the
opposition, for I don't know it. I can feel the currents, but I steer clear of
them. I still represent the open policy that prevailed under Duke Friedrich. At
that time the only policy at Court was to serve the Prince. This was made
easier by his being a bachelor, but it should never be difficult.
STEWARD: Very sensible -- except that one's own nose,
however reliable, never points the right way all the time. This can only be
achieved by reason. But reason must make decisions. Let's assume the Prince is
on the wrong track: does one serve him better by following him down or, with
all due respect, by chasing him back? Undoubtedly by chasing him back.
CHAMBERLAIN: You came here with the Princess from a foreign Court, have
spent a mere six months here, and you already think you can tell the difference
between good and evil in the complicated conditions of this Court?
STEWARD: He who blinks sees only complications. He who
keeps his eyes open sees the eternal truth in the first hours as clearly as
after a hundred years. Admittedly, in this case, a sad truth which in the next
few days, however, may take a decisive turn for the better.
CHAMBERLAIN: I cannot believe that the decision which you wish to bring
about and which I know only from your announcement will be a good one. I'm
afraid you misunderstand our Prince, the Court, and everything here.
STEWARD: Whether understood or misunderstood, the present
situation is unbearable.
CHAMBERLAIN: Unbearable it may be, but it is founded on the nature of
things as they are here, and we are prepared to bear it to the end.
STEWARD: But not the Princess, not I, not those who are
on our side.
CHAMBERLAIN: What do you find so unbearable?
STEWARD: Just because the decision is imminent I want to
speak frankly. The Prince has a dual nature. The one, concerning itself with
government, wavers absent-mindedly in public, disregarding its own privileges.
The other nature admittedly searches very painstakingly for a strengthening of
its foundations. It searches for them in the past, delving deeper and deeper.
What a misunderstanding of the situation! A misunderstanding that doesn't lack
greatness -- although its defectiveness is even greater than its appearance.
Can you fail to see that?
CHAMBERLAIN: It's not the description I object to, it's the
interpretation.
STEWARD: The interpretation? And to think that in the
hope of getting you to agree, I have judged the situation with more leniency
than I actually feel! And I'm still withholding my verdict in order to spare
you. But just one thing: in reality the Prince does not need a strengthening of
his foundations. If he uses all the power at present at his disposal, he'll
find it sufficient to bring about everything that the most extreme
responsibility before God and man may demand of him. But he shies away from the
balance of life, he's on his way to becoming a tyrant.
CHAMBERLAIN: He with his modest character!
STEWARD: It's the modesty of the one half, for he needs
all his energy for the second half which scrapes together the foundation needed
to build something like the Tower of Babel. To hinder this work should be the
sole policy of all those who are interested in their personal existence, in the
principality, in the Princess, and possibly even in the Prince.
CHAMBERLAIN: "Possibly even" -- you're very candid. To be
equally frank, your candor makes me tremble at the imminent decision. And I
regret, as I've recently come to regret more and more, that I'm devoted to the
Prince almost to the point of helplessness.
STEWARD: Everything is clear. You are not flirting with
the opposition. In fact, you are even holding out a hand. Only one, which is
commendable for an old courtier. And yet your only hope is that our great
example carries you along.
CHAMBERLAIN: Whatever I can do to prevent it, I shall do.
STEWARD: It doesn't frighten me anymore. (Pointing to
the Warden.) And you who've been sitting there so quietly, have you
understood everything that's been said?
CHAMBERLAIN: The Warden of the tomb?
STEWARD: The Warden of the tomb. One must probably be a
stranger to size him up. Isn't that so, old boy, you little old screech-owl,
you! Have you ever seen him flying through the forest in the evening, out of
any gun's reach? But by day he ducks at the slightest move.
CHAMBERLAIN: I don't understand.
WARDEN (almost in tears): You're scolding me, sir, and I don't know why. Please let
me go home. I'm really not evil, I'm just the Warden of the tomb.
CHAMBERLAIN: You mistrust him.
STEWARD: Mistrust?
No, he's too insignificant for that. But I want to keep an eye on him. For I
think -- call it whim or superstition, if you like -- that he's not just a mere
tool of evil, but an upright, active worker for evil.
CHAMBERLAIN: He has been serving the Court quietly for thirty years --
possibly without ever having been in the castle.
STEWARD: Oh, moles like him build long passages before
they emerge. (Suddenly turns to Warden.) But first of all, away with
this one! (To servant) Take him to the Friedrichspark, stay with him,
and don't let him out until further notice.
WARDEN (very frightened): I'm supposed to wait for his Highness, the Prince.
STEWARD: An error. -- Off with you.
CHAMBERLAIN: He must be treated with care. He's an old and sick man, and
for some reason the Prince sets store by him.
WARDEN (bowing low before Chamberlain).
STEWARD: What? (To servant) Treat him carefully,
but for God's sake get him out of here. Quick!
SERVANT (about to grab him).
CHAMBERLAIN (stepping between them): No, we must get a carriage.
STEWARD: It's the air at this Court. I can't taste a
grain of salt anywhere. All right then, a carriage. You take the treasure away
in a carriage. But now, out of the room with you both! (To Chamberlain) Your
behavior shows me --
WARDEN (collapses, with a little scream, on way to door).
STEWARD (stamping his foot): Is it impossible to get rid of him? Pick him up
in your arms if there's no other way. Can't you understand what's expected of
you!
CHAMBERLAIN: The Prince!
SERVANT (opening door at left).
STEWARD: Ah! (Glances at Warden.) I should have
known that ghosts cannot be transported.
PRINCE (enters with quick step, behind him the
Princess, dark young woman with teeth clenched, stops in doorway).
PRINCE: What's happened?
STEWARD: The Warden felt ill, I was about to have him
taken away.
PRINCE: I should have been notified. Has the doctor been
sent for?
CHAMBERLAIN: I'll have him called. (Hurries out by center door,
returns at once.)
PRINCE (kneeling beside Warden): Prepare a bed for him! Fetch a stretcher! Is the
doctor on his way? He's taking a long time. The pulse is very weak. I can't
hear the heart. These miserable ribs! How worn out this body is! (Stands up
suddenly, fetches a glass of water, stares about him.) One is so helpless. (Kneels
down again, moistens the Warden's face.) Now he's breathing better. It
won't be so bad. Healthy stock, the kind that doesn't give up, even in
extremity. But the doctor, the doctor!
(While he glances toward the
door, the Warden raises his hand and caresses the Prince's cheek. Princess
turns her head away, toward the window. Enter servants with stretcher, Prince
helps to lift Warden.)
PRINCE: Handle him gently. Oh, you with your great
claws! Lift his head a little. Nearer the stretcher. The pillow further down
his back. His arm! His arm! You're all bad, bad nurses! I wonder if you'll ever
be as tired as this man on the stretcher? -- There we are -- and
now with slow -- slow --
steps. And above all, steadily. (Turning
in door to Princess.) Here then is the Warden of the tomb.
PRINCESS (nods).
PRINCE: I had intended to show him to you differently. (After
taking another step.) Aren't you coming along?
PRINCESS: I'm so tired.
PRINCE: The moment I've talked to the doctor I'll come
back. And you, gentlemen, who wish to make your report, wait for me.
STEWARD (to Princess): Does your Highness require my services?
PRINCESS: Always. I am grateful for your vigilance. Do not
abandon it, even if today it was in vain. Everything is at stake. You see more
than I. I am always in my rooms. But I know it will get more and more gloomy.
This autumn is sad beyond belief.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
A
Country Doctor
I was
in great perplexity; I had to start on an urgent journey; a seriously
ill patient was waiting for me in a village ten miles off; a thick blizzard of
snow filled all the wide spaces between him and me; I had a gig, a light gig
with big wheels, exactly right for our country roads; muffled in furs, my bag
of instruments in my hand, I was in the courtyard all ready for the journey;
but there was no horse to be had, no horse. My own horse had died in the night,
worn out by the fatigues of this icy winter; my servant girl was now running
around the village trying to borrow a horse; but it was hopeless, I knew it,
and I stood there forlornly, with the snow gathering more and more thickly upon
me, more and more unable to move. In the gateway the girl appeared, alone, and
waved the lantern; of course, who would lend a horse at this time for such a
journey? I strode through the courtyard once more; I could see no way out; in
my confused distress I kicked at the dilapidated door of the yearlong
uninhabited pigsty. It flew open and flapped to and fro on its hinges. A steam
and smell as of horses came out from it. A dim stable lantern was swinging
inside from a rope. A man, crouching on his hams in that low space, showed an
open blue-eyed face. "Shall I yoke up?" he asked, crawling out on all
fours. I did not know what to say and merely stooped down to see what else was
in the sty. The servant girl was standing beside me. "You never know what
you're going to find in your own house," she said, and we both laughed.
"Hey there, Brother, hey there, Sister!" called the groom, and two
horses, enormous creatures with powerful flanks, one after the other, their
legs tucked close to their bodies, each well-shaped head lowered like a camel's,
by sheer strength of buttocking squeezed out through the door hole which they
filled entirely. But at once they were standing up, their legs long and their
bodies steaming thickly. "Give him a hand," I said, and the willing
girl hurried to help the groom with the harnessing. Yet hardly was she beside
him when the groom clipped hold of her and pushed his face against hers. She
screamed and fled back to me; on her cheek stood out in red the marks of two
rows of teeth. "You brute," I yelled in fury, "do you want a
whipping?" but in the same moment reflected that the man was a stranger;
that I did not know where he came from, and that of his own free will he was
helping me out when everyone else had failed me. As if he knew my thoughts he
took no offense at my threat but, still busied with the horses, only turned
around once toward me. "Get in," he said then, and indeed: everything
was ready. A magnificent pair of horses, I observed, such as I had never sat
behind, and I climbed in happily. "But I'll drive, you don't know the
way," I said. "Of course," said he, "I'm not coming with
you anyway, I'm staying with Rose." "No," shrieked Rose, fleeing
into the house with a justified presentiment that her fate was inescapable; I
heard the door chain rattle as she put it up; I heard the key turn in the lock;
I could see, moreover, how she put out the lights in the entrance hall and in
further flight all though the rooms to keep herself from being discovered.
"You're coming with me," I said to the groom, "or I won't go,
urgent as my journey is. I'm not thinking of paying for it by handing the girl
over to you." "Gee up!" he said; clapped his hands; the gig
whirled off like a log in a freshet; I could just hear the door of my house
splitting and bursting as the groom charged at it and then I was deafened and
blinded by a storming rush that steadily buffeted all my senses. But this only
for a moment, since, as if my patient's farmyard had opened out just before my
courtyard gate, I was already there; the horses had come quietly to a
standstill; the blizzard had stopped; moonlight all around; my patient's
parents hurried out of the house, his sister behind them; I was almost lifted
out of the gig; from their confused ejaculations I gathered not a word; in the
sickroom the air was almost unbreathable; the neglected stove was smoking; I
wanted to push open a window; but first I had to look at my patient. Gaunt,
without any fever, not cold, not warm, with vacant eyes, without a shirt, the
youngster heaved himself up from under the feather bedding, threw his arms
around my neck, and whispered in my ear: "Doctor, let me die." I
glanced around the room; no one had heard it; the parents were leaning forward
in silence waiting for my verdict; the sister had set a chair for my handbag; I
opened the bag and hunted among my instruments; the boy kept clutching at me
from his bed to remind me of his entreaty; I picked up a pair of tweezers,
examined them in the candlelight, and laid them down again. "Yes," I
thought blasphemously, "in cases like this the gods are helpful, send the
missing horse, add to it a second because of the urgency, and to crown
everything bestow even a groom --" And only now did I remember Rose again;
what was I to do, how could I rescue her, how could I pull her away from under
that groom at ten miles' distance, with a team of horses I couldn't control.
These horses, now, they had somehow slipped the reins loose, pushed the windows
open from outside, I did not know how; each of them had stuck a head in at a
window and, quite unmoved by the startled cries of the family, stood eyeing the
patient. "Better go back at once," I thought, as if the horses were
summoning me to the return journey, yet I permitted the patient's sister, who
fancied that I was dazed by the heat, to take my fur coat from me. A glass of
rum was poured out for me, the old man clapped me on the shoulder, a
familiarity justified by this offer of his treasure. I shook my head; in the
narrow confines of the old man's thoughts I felt ill; that was my only reason
for refusing the drink. The mother stood by the bedside and cajoled me toward
it; I yielded, and, while one of the horses whinnied loudly to the ceiling,
laid my head to the boy's breast, which shivered under my wet beard. I
confirmed what I already knew; the boy was quite sound, something a little
wrong with his circulation, saturated with coffee by his solicitous mother, but
sound and best turned out of bed with one shove. I am no world reformer and so
I let him lie. I was the district doctor and did my duty to the uttermost, to
the point where it became almost too much. I was badly paid and yet generous
and helpful to the poor. I had still to see that Rose was all right, and then
the boy might have his way and I wanted to die too. What was I doing there in
that endless winter! My horse was dead, and not a single person in the village
would lend me another. I had to get my team out of the pigsty; if they hadn't
chanced to be horses I should have had to travel with swine. That was how it
was. And I nodded to the family. They knew nothing about it, and, had they
known, would not have believed it. To write prescriptions is easy, but to come
to an understanding with people is hard. Well, this should be the end of my
visit, I had once more been called out needlessly, I was used to that, the
whole district made my life a torment with my night bell, but that I should
have to sacrifice Rose this time as well, the pretty girl who had lived in my
house for years almost without my noticing her -- that sacrifice was too much
to ask, and I had somehow to get it reasoned out in my head with the help of
what craft I could muster, in order not to let fly at this family, which with
the best will in the world could not restore Rose to me. But as I shut my bag
and put an arm out for my fur coat, the family meanwhile standing together, the
father sniffing at the glass of rum in his hand, the mother, apparently
disappointed in me -- why, what do people expect? -- biting her lips with tears
in her eyes, the sister fluttering a blood-soaked towel, I was somehow ready to
admit conditionally that the boy might be ill after all. I went toward him, he
welcomed me smiling as if I were bringing him the most nourishing invalid broth
-- ah, now both horses were whinnying together; the noise, I suppose, was
ordained by heaven to assist my examination of the patient -- and this time I
discovered that the boy was indeed ill. In his right side, near the hip, was an
open wound as big as the palm of my hand. Rose-red, in many variations of shade,
dark in the hollows, lighter at the edges, softly granulated, with irregular
clots of blood, open as a surface mine to the daylight. That was how it looked
from a distance. But on a closer inspection there was another complication. I
could not help a low whistle of surprise. Worms, as thick and as long as my
little finger, themselves rose-red and blood-spotted as well, were wriggling
from their fastness in the interior of the wound toward the light, with small
white heads and many little legs. Poor boy, you were past helping. I had
discovered your great wound; this blossom in your side was destroying you. The
family was pleased; they saw me busying myself; the sister told the mother, the
mother the father, the father told several guests who were coming in, through
the moonlight at the open door, walking on tiptoe, keeping their balance with
outstretched arms. "Will you save me?" whispered the boy with a sob,
quite blinded by the life within his wound. That is what people are like in my
district. Always expecting the impossible from the doctor. They have lost their
ancient beliefs; the parson sits at home and unravels his vestments, one after
another; but the doctor is supposed to be omnipotent with his merciful
surgeon's hand. Well, as it pleases them; I have not thrust my services on
them; if they misuse me for sacred ends, I let that happen to me too; what
better do I want, old country doctor that I am, bereft of my servant girl! And
so they came, the family and the village elders, and stripped my clothes off
me; a school choir with the teacher at the head of it stood before the house
and sang these words to an utterly simple tune:
Strip his clothes off,
then he'll heal us,
If he doesn't, kill him
dead!
Only a doctor, only a
doctor.
Then my clothes were
off and I looked at the people quietly, my fingers in my beard and my head
cocked to one side. I was altogether composed and equal to the situation and
remained so, although it was no help to me, since they now took me by the head
and feet and carried me to the bed. They laid me down in it next to the wall,
on the side of the wound. Then they all left the room; the door was shut; the
singing stopped; clouds covered the moon; the bedding was warm around me; the
horses' heads in the open windows wavered like shadows. "Do you
know," said a voice in my ear, "I have very little confidence in you.
Why, you were only blown in here, you didn't come on your own feet. Instead of
helping me, you're cramping me on my deathbed. What I'd like best is to scratch
your eyes out." "Right," I said, "it is a shame. And yet I
am a doctor. What am I to do? Believe me, it is not too easy for me
either." "Am I supposed to be content with this apology? Oh, I must
be, I can't help it. I always have to put up with things. A fine wound is all I
brought into the world; that was my sole endowment." "My young
friend," said I, "your mistake is: you have not a wide enough view. I
have been in all the sickrooms, far and wide, and I tell you: your wound is not
so bad. Done in a tight corner with two strokes of the ax. Many a one proffers
his side and can hardly hear the ax in the forest, far less that it is coming
nearer to him." "Is that really so, or are you deluding me in my
fever?" "It is really so, take the word of honor of an official
doctor." And he took it and lay still. But now it was time for me to think
of escaping. The horses were still standing faithfully in their places. My
clothes, my fur coat, my bag were quickly collected; I didn't want to waste
time dressing; if the horses raced home as they had come, I should only be
springing, as it were, out of this bed into my own. Obediently a horse backed
away from the window; I threw my bundle into the gig; the fur coat missed its
mark and was caught on a hook only by the sleeve. Good enough. I swung myself
onto the horse. With the reins loosely trailing, one horse barely fastened to
the other, the gig swaying behind, my fur coat last of all in the snow.
"Gee up!" I said, but there was no galloping; slowly, like old men,
we crawled through the snowy wastes; a long time echoed behind us the new but
faulty song of the children:
O be joyful, all you
patients,
The doctor's laid in bed
beside you!
Never shall I reach
home at this rate; my flourishing practice is done for; my successor is robbing
me, but in vain, for he cannot take my place; in my house the disgusting groom
is raging; Rose is his victim; I do not want to think about it anymore. Naked,
exposed to the frost of this most unhappy of ages, with an earthly vehicle,
unearthly horses, old man that I am, I wander astray. My fur coat is hanging
from the back of the gig, but I cannot reach it, and none of my limber pack of
patients lifts a finger. Betrayed! Betrayed! A false alarm on the night bell
once answered -- it cannot be made good, not ever.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Hunter Gracchus
Two boys were sitting on the harbor wall playing with dice. A man
was reading a newspaper on the steps of the monument, resting in the shadow of
a hero who was flourishing his sword on high. A girl was filling her bucket at
the fountain. A fruit-seller was lying beside his wares, gazing at the lake.
Through the vacant window and door openings of a cafe one could see two men
quite at the back drinking their wine. The proprietor was sitting at a table in
front and dozing. A bark was silently making for the little harbor, as if borne
by invisible means over the water. A man in a blue blouse climbed ashore and
drew the rope through a ring. Behind the boatman two other men in dark coats
with silver buttons carried a bier, on which, beneath a great flower-patterned
fringed silk cloth, a man was apparently lying.
Nobody on the quay troubled about
the newcomers; even when they lowered the bier to wait for the boatman, who was
still occupied with his rope, nobody went nearer, nobody asked them a question,
nobody accorded them an inquisitive glance.
The pilot was still further detained
by a woman who, a child at her breast, now appeared with loosened hair on the
deck of the boat. Then he advanced and indicated a yellowish two-storeyed house
that rose abruptly on the left near the water; the bearers took up their burden
and bore it to the low but gracefully pillared door. A little boy opened a
window just in time to see the party vanishing into the house, then hastily
shut the window again. The door too was now shut; it was of black oak, and very
strongly made. A flock of doves which had been flying around the belfry
alighted in the street before the house. As if their food were stored within,
they assembled in front of the door. One of them flew up to the first storey
and pecked at the windowpane. They were bright-hued, well-tended, lively birds.
The woman on the boat flung grain to them in a wide sweep; they ate it up and
flew across to the woman.
A man in a top hat tied with a band
of black crêpe now descended
one of the narrow and very steep lanes that led to the harbor. He glanced
around vigilantly, everything seemed to distress him, his mouth twisted at the
sight of some offal in a corner. Fruit skins were lying on the steps of the
monument; he swept them off in passing with his stick. He rapped at the house
door, at the same time taking his top hat from his head with his black-gloved
hand. The door was opened at once, and some fifty little boys appeared in two
rows in the long entry hall, and bowed to him.
The boatman descended the stairs,
greeted the gentleman in black, conducted him up to the first storey, led him
around the bright and elegant loggia which encircled the courtyard, and both of
them entered, while the boys pressed after them at a respectful distance, a
cool spacious room looking toward the back, from whose window no habitation,
but only a bare, blackish-gray rocky wall was to be seen. The bearers were
busied in setting up and lighting several long candles at the head of the bier,
yet these did not give light, but only disturbed the shadows which had been
immobile till then, and made them flicker over the walls. The cloth covering
the bier had been thrown back. Lying on it was a man with wildly matted hair,
who looked somewhat like a hunter. He lay without motion and, it seemed,
without breathing, his eyes closed; yet only his trappings indicated that this
man was probably dead.
The gentleman stepped up to the
bier, laid his hand on the brow of the man lying upon it, then kneeled down and
prayed. The boatman made a sign to the bearers to leave the room; they went
out, drove away the boys who had gathered outside, and shut the door. But even
that did not seem to satisfy the gentleman, he glanced at the boatman; the
boatman understood, and vanished through a side door into the next room. At
once the man on the bier opened his eyes, turned his face painfully toward the
gentleman, and said: "Who are you?" Without any mark of surprise the
gentleman rose from his kneeling posture and answered: "The Burgomaster of
Riva."
The man on the bier nodded,
indicated a chair with a feeble movement of his arm, and said, after the
Burgomaster had accepted his invitation: "I knew that, of course,
Burgomaster, but in the first moments of returning consciousness I always
forget, everything goes around before my eyes, and it is best to ask about
anything even if I know. You too probably know that I am the Hunter Gracchus."
"Certainly," said the
Burgomaster. "Your arrival was announced to me during the night. We had
been asleep for a good while. Then toward midnight my wife cried: 'Salvatore'
-- that's my name -- 'look at that dove at the window.' It was really a dove,
but as big as a cock. It flew over me and said in my ear: 'Tomorrow the dead
Hunter Gracchus is coming; receive him in the name of the city.' "
The Hunter nodded and licked his
lips with the tip of his tongue: "Yes, the doves flew here before me. But
do you believe, Burgomaster, that I shall remain in Riva?"
"I cannot say that yet,"
replied the Burgomaster. "Are you dead?"
"Yes," said the Hunter,
"as you see. Many years ago, yes, it must be a great many years ago, I
fell from a precipice in the Black Forest -- that is in Germany -- when I was
hunting a chamois. Since then I have been dead."
"But you are alive too,"
said the Burgomaster.
"In a certain sense," said
the Hunter, "in a certain sense I am alive too. My death ship lost its
way; a wrong turn of the wheel, a moment's absence of mind on the pilot's part,
the distraction of my lovely native country, I cannot tell what it was; I only
know this, that I remained on earth and that ever since my ship has sailed
earthly waters. So I, who asked for nothing better than to live among my
mountains, travel after my death through all the lands of the earth."
"And you have no part in the
other world?" asked the Burgomaster, knitting his brow.
"I am forever." replied
the Hunter, "on the great stair that leads up to it. On that infinitely
wide and spacious stair I clamber about, sometimes up, sometimes down,
sometimes on the right, sometimes on the left, always in motion. The Hunter has
been turned into a butterfly. Do not laugh."
"I am not laughing," said
the Burgomaster in self-defense.
"That is very good of
you," said the Hunter. "I am always in motion. But when I make a
supreme flight and see the gate actually shining before me I awaken presently
on my old ship, still stranded forlornly in some earthly sea or other. The
fundamental error of my onetime death grins at me as I lie in my cabin. Julia,
the wife of the pilot, knocks at the door and brings me on my bier the morning
drink of the land whose coasts we chance to be passing. I lie on a wooden
pallet, I wear -- it cannot be a pleasure to look at me -- a filthy winding
sheet, my hair and beard, black tinged with gray, have grown together
inextricably, my limbs are covered with
a great flowered-patterned
woman's shawl with long fringes. A sacramental candle stands at my head and
lights me. On the wall opposite me is a little picture, evidently of a bushman
who is aiming his spear at me and taking cover as best he can behind a
beautifully painted shield. On shipboard one often comes across silly pictures,
but that is the silliest of them all. Otherwise my wooden cage is quite empty.
Through a hole in the side the warm airs of the southern night come in, and I
hear the water slapping against the old boat. "I have lain here ever since
the time when, as the Hunter Gracchus living in the Black Forest, I followed a
chamois and fell from a precipice. Everything happened in good order. I
pursued, I fell, bled to death in a ravine, died, and this ship should have
conveyed me to the next world. I can still remember how gladly I stretched
myself out on this pallet for the first time. Never did the mountains listen to
such songs from me as these shadowy walls did then.
"I had been glad to live and I
was glad to die. Before I stepped aboard, I joyfully flung away my wretched
load of ammunition, my knapsack, my hunting rifle that I had always been proud
to carry, and I slipped into my winding sheet like a girl into her marriage
dress. I lay and waited. Then came the mishap."
"A terrible fate," said
the Burgomaster, raising his hand defensively. "And you bear no blame for
it?"
"None," said the Hunter.
"I was a hunter; was there any sin in that? I followed my calling as a
hunter in the Black Forest, where there were still wolves in those days. I lay
in ambush, shot, hit my mark, flayed the skins from my victims: was there any
sin in that? My labors were blessed. 'The Great Hunter of the Black Forest' was
the name I was given. Was there any sin in that?"
"I am not called upon to decide
that," said the Burgomaster, "but to me also there seems to be no sin
in such things. But then, whose is the guilt?"
"The boatman's," said the
Hunter. "Nobody will read what I say here, no one will come to help me;
even if all the people were commanded to help me, every door and window would
remain shut, everybody would take to bed and draw the bedclothes over his head,
the whole earth would become an inn for the night. And there is sense in that,
for nobody knows of me, and if anyone knew he would not know where I could be
found, and if he knew where I could be found, he would not know how to deal
with me, he would not know how to help me. The thought of helping me is an
illness that has to be cured by taking to one's bed.
"I know that, and so I do not
shout to summon help, even though at moments -- when I lose control over
myself, as I have done just now, for instance -- I think seriously of it. But
to drive out such thoughts I need only look around me and verify where I am,
and -- I can safely assert -- have been for hundreds of years."
"Extraordinary," said the
Burgomaster, "extraordinary. And now do you think of staying here in Riva
with us?"
"I think not," said the
Hunter with a smile, and, to excuse himself, he laid his hand on the
Burgomaster's knee. "I am here, more than that I do not know, further than
that I cannot go. My ship has no rudder, and it is driven by the wind that
blows in the undermost regions of death."
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Hunter Gracchus: A Fragment
Is it
true, Hunter Gracchus, that you have been cruising about in this old
boat for hundreds of years?
For fifteen hundred years.
And always in this ship?
Always in this bark. Bark, I
believe, is the correct expression. You aren't familiar with nautical matters?
No, I never gave them a thought
until today, until I heard about you, until I boarded your ship.
Don't apologize. I'm from the
interior, too. Never been a seafarer, never wanted to be one, mountains and
forests were my friends, and now -- most ancient of seafarers, Hunter Gracchus,
patron saint of sailors, Hunter Gracchus -- the cabin boy shivering with fear
in the crow's-nest in the stormy night prays to me with wringing hands. Don't
laugh.
Me laugh? Certainly not. With a
beating heart I stood before your cabin door, with a beating heart I entered.
Your friendly manner has calmed me a little, but I'll never forget whose guest
I am.
You're right, of course. However it
may be, I am Hunter Gracchus. Won't you drink some wine? I don't know the
brand, but it's sweet and heavy, the master does me proud.
Not just now, I'm too restless.
Later perhaps, if you can bear with me that long. Besides, I wouldn't dare
drink out of your glass. Who is the master?
The owner of the bark. They are
excellent men, these masters. Except that I don't understand them. I don't mean
their language, although of course I often don't understand their language,
either. But this is beside the point. Over the centuries I've learned enough
languages to act as interpreter between this generation and their ancestors.
What I don't understand is the way the masters' minds work. Perhaps you can
explain it to me.
I haven't much hope. How could I
explain anything to you, compared with whom I am but a babbling babe?
Don't, don't talk like that. You'd
do me a favor if you'd be a little more manly, more self-assured. What am I to
do with a mere shadow of a guest? I'll blow him through the porthole into the
lake. I need several explanations. You who roam around outside can give me
them. But if you sit trembling at my table here and by self-deception forget
the little you know, then you may as well clear out at once. What I mean, I
say.
There's something in that. In fact,
I am superior to you in some ways. So I'll try to control myself. Ask away!
Better, far better that you
exaggerate in this direction and that you fancy yourself to be somehow
superior. But you must understand me properly. I am a human being like you, I'm
as many centuries more impatient as I am older than you. Well, let's talk about
the masters. Listen! And drink some wine, to sharpen your wits. Don't be shy.
Take a good swig. There's another large shipload there.
Gracchus, that's an excellent wine.
Long live the master!
Pity that he died today. He was a
good man and he went peacefully. Healthy, grown-up children stood at his
deathbed, his wife had fainted at the foot, but his last thought was for me. A
good man, a Hamburger.
Heavens above, a Hamburger! And you
down here in the south know that he died today?
What? I not know when my master
dies? You're really a bit simple-minded.
Are you trying to insult me?
Not at all, I do it without meaning
to. But you shouldn't be so surprised. Drink more wine. As for the masters,
it's like this: originally, the bark belonged to no one.
Gracchus, one request. First, tell
me briefly but coherently how things are with you. To be truthful: I really
don't know. You of course take these things for granted and assume, as is your
way, that the whole world knows about them. But in this brief human life -- and
life really is brief, Gracchus, try to grasp that -- in this brief life it's as
much as one can do to get oneself and one's family through. Interesting as the
Hunter Gracchus is -- this is conviction, not flattery -- there's no time to
think of him, to find out about him, let alone worry about him. Perhaps on
one's deathbed, like your Hamburger, this I don't know. Perhaps the busy man
will then have a chance to stretch out for the first time and let the green
Hunter Gracchus pass for once through his idle thoughts. But otherwise, it's as
I've said: I knew nothing about you, business brought me down here to the
harbor, I saw the bark, the gangplank lay ready, I walked across -- but now I'd
like to know something coherent about you.
Ah, coherent. That old, old story.
All the books are full of it, teachers draw it on the blackboard in every
school, the mother dreams of it while suckling her child, lovers murmur it
while embracing, merchants tell it to the customers, the customers to the
merchants, soldiers sing it on the march, preachers declaim it in church,
historians in their studies realize with open mouths what happened long ago and
never cease describing it, it is printed in the newspapers and people pass it
from hand to hand, the telegraph was invented so that it might encircle the
world the faster, it is excavated from ruined cities, and the elevator rushes
it up to the top of the skyscraper. Railway passengers announce it from the
windows to the countries they are passing through, but even before that the
savages have howled it at them, it can be read in the stars and the lakes
reflect it, the streams bring it down from the mountains and the snow scatters
it again on the summit, and you, man, sit here and ask me for coherence. You
must have had an exceptionally dissipated youth.
Possibly, as is typical of any
youth. But it would be very useful, I think, if you would go and have a good
look around the world. Strange as it may seem to you, and sitting here it
surprises even me, it's a fact that you are not the talk of the town, however
many subjects may be discussed you are not among them, the world goes its way
and you go on your journey, but until today I have never noticed that your paths
have crossed.
These are your observations, my dear
friend, other people have made others. There are only two possibilities here.
Either you conceal what you know about me, and do so with a definite motive. In
which case let me tell you frankly: you are on the wrong track. Or you actually
think that you can't remember me, because you confuse my story with someone
else's. In that case I can only tell you: I am -- no, I can't, everyone knows
it and of all people I should be the one to tell you! It's so long ago. Ask the
historians! Go to them, and then come back. It's so long ago. How can I be
expected to keep it in this overcrowded brain?
Wait, Gracchus, I'll make it easier
for you, I'll ask you some questions. Where do you come from?
From the Black Forest, as everyone
knows.
From the Black Forest, of course.
And was it there, around about the fourth century, that you used to hunt?
Man alive, do you know the Black
Forest?
No.
You really don't know anything. The
helmsman's little child knows more than you, probably far more. Who on earth
sent you in here? It's fate. Your obtrusive modesty was indeed only too well
justified. You are a nonentity whom I'm filling up with wine. Now you don't
even know the Black Forest. And I was born there. I hunted there until I was
twenty-five. If only the chamois had not led me astray -- well, now you know it
-- I'd have had a long pleasant hunter's life, but the chamois led me on, I
fell down a precipice and was killed on the rocks. Don't ask any more. Here I
am, dead, dead, dead. Don't know why I'm here. Was loaded onto the death ship,
as befits a miserable dead man, the three or four ministrations were performed
upon me, as on everyone, why should they make an exception of the Hunter
Gracchus? Everything was in order, I lay stretched out in the boat.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Great Wall of China
The
Great Wall of China was finished off at its northernmost corner. From
the southeast and the southwest it came up in two sections that finally
converged there. This principle of piecemeal construction was also applied on a
smaller scale by both of the two great armies of labor, the eastern and the
western. It was done in this way: gangs of some twenty workers were formed who
had to accomplish a length, say, of five hundred yards of wall, while a similar
gang built another stretch of the same length to meet the first. But after the
junction had been made the construction of the wall was not carried on from the
point, let us say, where this thousand yards ended; instead the two groups of
workers were transferred to begin building again in quite different
neighborhoods. Naturally in this way many great gaps were left, which were only
filled in gradually and bit by bit, some, indeed, not till after the official
announcement that the wall was finished. In fact it is said that there are gaps
which have never been filled in at all, an assertion, however, that is probably
merely one of the many legends to which the building of the wall gave rise, and
which cannot be verified, at least by any single man with his own eyes and
judgment, on account of the extent of the structure.
Now on first thoughts one might
conceive that it would have been more advantageous in every way to build the
wall continuously, or at least continuously within the two main divisions.
After all, the wall was intended, as was universally proclaimed and known, to
be a protection against the peoples of the north. But how can a wall protect if
it is not a continuous structure? Not only can such a wall not protect, but
what there is of it is in perpetual danger. These blocks of wall left standing
in deserted regions could be easily pulled down again and again by the nomads,
especially as these tribes, rendered apprehensive by the building operations,
kept changing their encampments with incredible rapidity, like locusts, and so
perhaps had a better general view of the progress of the wall than we, the
builders. Nevertheless the task of construction probably could not have been
carried out in any other way. To understand this we must take into account the
following: the wall was to be a protection for centuries; accordingly, the most
scrupulous care in the building, the application of the architectural wisdom of
all known ages and peoples, an unremitting sense of personal responsibility in
the builders were indispensable prerequisites for the work. True, for the more
purely manual tasks ignorant day laborers from the populace, men, women, and
children who offered their services for good money, could be employed; but for
the supervision even of every four day laborers an expert versed in the art of
building was required, a man who was capable of entering into and feeling with
all his heart what was involved. And the higher the task, the greater the
responsibility. And such men were actually to be had, if not indeed so
abundantly as the work of construction could have absorbed, yet in great
numbers.
For the work had not been undertaken
without thought. Fifty years before the first stone was laid, the art of
architecture, and especially that of masonry, had been proclaimed as the most
important branch of knowledge throughout the whole area of a China that was to
be walled around, and all other arts gained recognition only insofar as they
had reference to it. I can still remember quite well us standing as small
children, scarcely sure on our feet, in our teacher's garden, and being ordered
to build a sort of wall out of pebbles; and then the teacher, girding up his
robe, ran full tilt against the wall, of course knocking it down, and scolded
us so terribly for the shoddiness of our work that we ran weeping in all
directions to our parents. A trivial incident, but significant of the spirit of
the time.
I was lucky inasmuch as the building
of the wall was just beginning when, at twenty, I had passed the last
examination of the lowest school. I say lucky, for many who before my time had achieved
the highest degree of culture available to them could find nothing year after
year to do with their knowledge, and drifted uselessly about with the most
splendid architectural plans in their heads, and sank by thousands into
hopelessness. But those who finally came to be employed in the work as
supervisors, even though it might be of the lowest rank, were truly worthy of
their task. They were masons who had reflected much, and did not cease to
reflect, on the building of the wall, men who with the first stone they sank in
the ground felt themselves a part of the wall. Masons of that kind, of course,
had not only a desire to perform their work in the most thorough manner, but
were also impatient to see the wall finished in its complete perfection. Day
laborers have not this impatience, for they look only to their wages, and the
higher supervisors, indeed even the supervisors of middle rank, could see
enough of the manifold growth of the construction to keep their spirits
confident and high. But to encourage the subordinate supervisors,
intellectually so vastly superior to their apparently petty tasks, other
measures must be taken. One could not, for instance, expect them to lay one
stone on another for months or even years on end, in an uninhabited mountainous
region, hundreds of miles from their homes; the hopelessness of such hard toil,
which yet could not reach completion even in the longest lifetime, would have
cast them into despair and above all made them less capable for the work. It
was for this reason that the system of piecemeal building was decided on. Five
hundred yards could be accomplished in about five years; by that time, however,
the supervisors were as a rule quite exhausted and had lost all faith in
themselves, in the wall, in the world. Accordingly, while they were still
exalted by the jubilant celebrations marking the completion of the thousand
yards of wall, they were sent far, far away, saw on their journey finished
sections of the wall rising here and there, came past the quarters of the high
command and were presented with badges of honor, heard the rejoicings of new
armies of labor streaming past from the depths of the land, saw forests being
cut down to become supports for the wall, saw mountains being hewn into stones
for the wall, heard at the holy shrines hymns rising in which the pious prayed
for the completion of the wall. All this assuaged their impatience. The quiet
life of their homes, where they rested some time, strengthened them; the humble
credulity with which their reports were listened to, the confidence with which
the simple and peaceful burgher believed in the eventual completion of the
wall, all this filled their hearts with a new buoyancy. Like eternally hopeful
children they then said farewell to their homes; the desire once more to labor
on the wall of the nation became irresistible. They set off earlier than they
needed; half the village accompanied them for long distances. Groups of people
with banners and streamers waving were on all the roads; never before had they
seen how great and rich and beautiful and worthy of love their country was.
Every fellow countryman was a brother for whom one was building a wall of
protection, and who would return lifelong thanks for it with all he had and
did. Unity! Unity! Shoulder to shoulder, a ring of brothers, a current of blood
no longer confined within the narrow circulation of one body, but sweetly
rolling and yet ever returning throughout the endless leagues of China.
Thus, then, the system of piecemeal
construction becomes comprehensible; but there were still other reasons for it
as well. Nor is there anything odd in my pausing over this question for so
long; it is one of the crucial problems in the whole building of the wall,
unimportant as it may appear at first glance. If I am to convey and make
understandable the ideas and feelings of that time I cannot go deeply enough
into this very question.
First, then, it must be said that in
those days things were achieved scarcely inferior to the construction of the
Tower of Babel, although as regards divine approval, at least according to
human reckoning, strongly at variance with that work. I say this because during
the early days of building a scholar wrote a book in which he drew the
comparison in the most exhaustive way. In it he tried to prove that the Tower
of Babel failed to reach its goal, not because of the reasons universally
advanced, or at least that among those recognized reasons the most important of
all was not to be found. His proofs were drawn not merely from written
documents and reports; he also claimed to have made inquiries on the spot, and
to have discovered that the tower failed and was bound to fail because of the
weakness of the foundation. In this respect at any rate our age was vastly
superior to that ancient one. Almost every educated man of our time was a mason
by profession and infallible in the matter of laying foundations. That,
however, was not what our scholar was concerned to prove; for he maintained
that the Great Wall alone would provide for the first time in the history of
mankind a secure foundation for a new Tower of Babel. First the wall,
therefore, and then the tower. His book was in everybody's hands at that time,
but I admit that even today I cannot quite make out how he conceived this tower.
How could the wall, which did not form even a circle, but only a sort of
quarter- or half-circle, provide the foundation for a tower? That could
obviously be meant only in a spiritual sense. But in that case why build the
actual wall, which after all was something concrete, the result of the lifelong
labor of multitudes of people? And why were there in the book plans, somewhat
nebulous plans, it must be admitted, of the tower, and proposals worked out in
detail for mobilizing the people's energies for the stupendous new work?
There were many wild ideas in
people's heads at that time -- this scholar's book is only one example --
perhaps simply because so many were trying to join forces as far as they could
for the achievement of a single aim. Human nature, essentially changeable,
unstable as the dust, can endure no restraint; if it binds itself it soon
begins to tear madly at its bonds, until it rends everything asunder, the wall,
the bonds, and its very self.
It is possible that these very
considerations, which militated against the building of the wall at all, were
not left out of account by the high command when the system of piecemeal
construction was decided on. We -- and here I speak in the name of many people
-- did not really know ourselves until we had carefully scrutinized the decrees
of the high command, when we discovered that without the high command neither
our book learning nor our human understanding would have sufficed for the
humble tasks which we performed in the great whole. In the office of the
command -- where it was and who sat there no one whom I have asked knew then or
knows now -- in that office one may be certain that all human thoughts and
desires revolved in a circle, and all human aims and fulfillments in a
countercircle. And through the window the reflected splendors of divine worlds
fell on the hands of the leaders as they traced their plans.
And for that reason the
incorruptible observer must hold that the command, if it had seriously desired
it, could also have overcome those difficulties that prevented a system of
continuous construction. There remains, therefore, nothing but the conclusion
that the command deliberately chose the system of piecemeal construction. But
the piecemeal construction was only a makeshift and therefore inexpedient.
Remains the conclusion that the command willed something inexpedient. Strange
conclusion! True, and yet in one respect it has much to be said for it. One can
perhaps safely discuss it now. In those days many people, and among them the best,
had a secret maxim which ran: Try with all your might to comprehend the decrees
of the high command, but only up to a certain point; then avoid further
meditation. A very wise maxim, which moreover was elaborated in a parable that
was later often quoted: Avoid further meditation, but not because it might be
harmful; it is not at all certain that it would be harmful. What is harmful or
not harmful has nothing to do with the question. Consider rather the river in
spring. It rises until it grows mightier and nourishes more richly the soil on
the long stretch of its banks, still maintaining its own course until it
reaches the sea, where it is all the more welcome because it is a worthier
ally. Thus far may you urge your meditations on the decrees of the high
command. But after that the river overflows its banks, loses outline and shape,
slows down the speed of its current, tries to ignore its destiny by forming
little seas in the interior of the land, damages the fields, and yet cannot
maintain itself for long in its new expanse, but must run back between its
banks again, must even dry up wretchedly in the hot season that presently
follows. Thus far may you not urge your meditations on the decrees of the high
command.
Now though this parable may have had
extraordinary point and force during the building of the wall, it has at most
only a restricted relevance for my present essay. My inquiry is purely
historical; no lightning flashes any longer from the long since vanished
thunderclouds, and so I may venture to seek for an explanation of the system of
piecemeal construction which goes farther than the one that contented people
then. The limits that my capacity for thought imposes upon me are narrow
enough, but the province to be traversed here is infinite.
Against whom was the Great Wall to
serve as a protection? Against the people of the north. Now, I come from the
southeast of China. No northern people can menace us there. We read of them in
the books of the ancients; the cruelties they commit in accordance with their
nature make us sigh in our peaceful arbors. The faithful representations of the
artist show us these faces of the damned, their gaping mouths, their jaws
furnished with great pointed teeth, their half-shut eyes that already seem to
be seeking out the victim which their jaws will rend and devour. When our
children are unruly we show them these pictures, and at once they fly weeping
into our arms. But nothing more than that do we know about these northerners.
We have not seen them, and if we remain in our villages we shall never see
them, even if on their wild horses they should ride as hard as they can
straight toward us -- the land is too vast and would not let them reach us,
they would end their course in the empty air.
Why, then, since that is so, did we
leave our homes, the stream with its bridges, our mothers and fathers, our
weeping wives, our children who needed our care, and depart for the distant
city to be trained there, while our thoughts journeyed still farther away to
the wall in the north? Why? A question for the high command. Our leaders know
us. They, absorbed in gigantic anxieties, know of us, know our petty pursuits,
see us sitting together in our humble huts, and approve or disapprove the
evening prayer which the father of the house recites in the midst of his
family. And if I may be allowed to express such ideas about the high command,
then I must say that in my opinion the high command has existed from old time,
and was not assembled, say, like a gathering of mandarins summoned hastily to
discuss somebody's fine dream in a conference as hastily terminated, so that
that very evening the people are drummed out of their beds to carry out what
has been decided, even if it should be nothing but an illumination in honor of
a god who may have shown great favor to their masters the day before, only to
drive them into some dark corner with cudgel blows tomorrow, almost before the
illuminations have died down. Far rather do I believe that the high command has
existed from all eternity, and the decision to build the wall likewise.
Unwitting peoples of the north, who imagined they were the cause of it! Honest,
unwitting Emperor, who imagined he decreed it! We builders of the wall know
that it was not so and hold our tongues.
During the building of the wall and
ever since to this very day I have occupied myself almost exclusively with the
comparative history of races -- there are certain questions that one can probe
to the marrow, as it were, only by this method -- and I have discovered that we
Chinese possess certain folk and political institutions that are unique in
their clarity, others again unique in their obscurity. The desire to trace the
cause of these phenomena, especially the latter, has always intrigued me and
intrigues me still, and the building of the wall is itself essentially involved
with these problems.
Now one of the most obscure of our
institutions is that of the empire itself. In Peking, naturally, at the
imperial court, there is some clarity to be found on this subject, though even
that is more illusive than real. Also the teachers of political law and history
in the schools of higher learning claim to be exactly informed on these
matters, and to be capable of passing on their knowledge to their students. The
farther one descends among the lower schools the more, naturally enough, does
one find teachers' and pupils' doubts of their own knowledge vanishing, and
superficial culture mounting sky-high around a few precepts that have been
drilled into people's minds for centuries, precepts which, though they have
lost nothing of their eternal truth, remain eternally invisible in this fog of
confusion.
But it is precisely this question of
the empire which in my opinion the common people should be asked to answer,
since after all they are the empire's final support. Here, I must confess, I
can only speak once more for my native place. Except for the nature gods, and
their ritual which fills the whole year in such beautiful and rich alternation,
we think only about the Emperor. But not about the present one; or rather we
would think about the present one if we knew who he was or knew anything
definite about him. True -- and it is the sole curiosity that fills us -- we
are always trying to get information on this subject, but, strange as it may
sound, it is almost impossible to discover anything, either from pilgrims,
though they have wandered through much of our land, or from near or distant
villages, or from sailors, though they have navigated not only our little
stream, but also the sacred rivers. One hears a great many things, true, but
can gather nothing definite.
So vast is our land that no fable
could do justice to its vastness, the heavens can scarcely span it -- and
Peking is only a dot in it, and the imperial palace less than a dot. The
Emperor as such, on the other hand, is mighty throughout all the hierarchies of
the world: admitted. But the existent Emperor, a man like us, lies much like us
on a couch which is of generous proportions, perhaps, and yet very possibly may
be quite narrow and short. Like us he sometimes stretches himself and when he
is very tired yawns with his delicately cut mouth. But how should we know
anything about that -- thousands of miles away in the south -- almost on the
borders of the Tibetan Highlands? And besides, any tidings, even if they did
reach us, would arrive far too late, would have become obsolete long before
they reached us. The Emperor is always surrounded by a brilliant and yet
ambiguous throng of nobles and courtiers -- malice and enmity in the guise of
servants and friends -- who form a counterweight to the imperial power and
perpetually labor to unseat the ruler from his place with poisoned arrows. The
Empire is immortal, but the Emperor himself totters and falls from his throne,
yes, whole dynasties sink in the end and breathe their last in one death
rattle. Of these struggles and sufferings the people will never know; like
tardy arrivals, like strangers in a city, they stand at the end of some densely
thronged side street peacefully munching the food they have brought with them,
while far away in front, in the Market Square at the heart of the city, the
execution of their ruler is proceeding.
There is a parable that describes
this situation very well: The Emperor, so it runs, has sent a message to you,
the humble subject, the insignificant shadow cowering in the remotest distance
before the imperial sun; the Emperor from his deathbed has sent a message to
you alone. He has commanded the messenger to kneel down by the bed, and has
whispered the message to him; so much store did he lay on it that he ordered
the messenger to whisper it back into his ear again. Then by a nod of the head
he has confirmed that it is right. Yes, before the assembled spectators of his
death -- all the obstructing walls have been broken down, and on the spacious
and loftily mounting open staircases stand in a ring the great princes of the
Empire -- before all these he has delivered his message. The messenger
immediately sets out on his journey; a powerful, an indefatigable man; now
pushing with his right arm, now with his left, he cleaves a way for himself
through the throng; if he encounters resistance he points to his breast, where
the symbol of the sun glitters; the way is made easier for him than it would be
for any other man. But the multitudes are so vast; their numbers have no end.
If he could reach the open fields how fast he would fly, and soon doubtless you
would hear the welcome hammering of his fists on your door. But instead how
vainly does he wear out his strength; still he is only making his way through
the chambers of the innermost palace; never will he get to the end of them; and
if he succeeded in that nothing would be gained; he must next fight his way
down the stair; and if he succeeded in that nothing would be gained; the courts
would still have to be crossed; and after the courts the second outer palace;
and once more stairs and courts; and once more another palace; and so on for
thousands of years; and if at last he should burst through the outermost gate
-- but never, never can that happen -- the imperial capital would lie before
him, the center of the world, crammed to bursting with its own sediment. Nobody
could fight his way through here even with a message from a dead man. But you
sit at your window when evening falls and dream it to yourself.
Just so, as hopelessly and as
hopefully, do our people regard the Emperor. They do not know what Emperor is
reigning, and there exist doubts regarding even the name of the dynasty. In
school a great deal is taught about the dynasties with the dates of succession,
but the universal uncertainty in this matter is so great that even the best
scholars are drawn into it. Long-dead emperors are set on the throne in our
villages, and one that only lives on in song recently had a proclamation of his
read out by the priest before the altar. Battles that are old history are new
to us, and one's neighbor rushes in with a jubilant face to tell the news. The
wives of the emperors, pampered and overweening, seduced from noble custom by
wily courtiers, swelling with ambition, vehement in their greed, uncontrollable
in their lust, practice their abominations ever anew. The more deeply they are
buried in time the more glaring are the colors in which their deeds are
painted, and with a loud cry of woe our village eventually hears how an Empress
drank her husband's blood in long draughts thousands of years ago.
Thus, then, do our people deal with
departed emperors, but the living ruler they confuse among the dead. If once,
only once in a man's lifetime, an imperial official on his tour of the
provinces should arrive by chance at our village, make certain announcements in
the name of the government, scrutinize the tax lists, examine the school
children, inquire of the priest regarding our doings and affairs, and then,
before he steps into his sedan chair, should sum up his impressions in verbose
admonitions to the assembled commune -- then a smile flits over every face,
people throw surreptitious glances at each other, and bend over their children
so as not to be observed by the official. Why, they think to themselves, he's
speaking of a dead man as if he were alive, this Emperor of his died long ago,
the dynasty is blotted out, the good official is having his joke with us, but
we will behave as if we did not notice it, so as not to offend him. But we
shall obey in earnest no one but our present ruler, for not to do so would be a
crime. And behind the departing sedan chair of the official there rises in
might as ruler of the village some figure fortuitously exalted from an urn
already crumbled to dust.
Similarly our people are but little
affected by revolutions in the state or contemporary wars. I recall an incident
in my youth. A revolt had broken out in a neighboring, but yet quite distant,
province. What caused it I can no longer remember, nor is it of any importance
now; occasions for revolt can be found there any day, the people are an
excitable people. Well, one day a leaflet published by the rebels was brought
to my father's house by a beggar who had crossed that province. It happened to
be a feast day, our rooms were filled with guests, the priest sat in the center
and studied the sheet. Suddenly everybody started to laugh, in the confusion
the sheet was torn, the beggar, who however had already received abundant alms,
was driven out of the room with blows, the guests dispersed to enjoy the
beautiful day. Why? The dialect of this neighboring province differs in some
essential respects from ours, and this difference occurs also in certain turns
of the written word, which for us have an archaic character. Hardly had the
priest read two pages before we had come to our decision. Ancient history told
long ago, old sorrows long since healed. And though -- so it seems to me in
recollection -- the gruesomeness of the living present was irrefutably conveyed
by the beggar's words, we laughed and shook our heads and refused to listen any
longer. So eager are our people to obliterate the present.
If from such appearances anyone
should draw the conclusion that in reality we have no Emperor, he would not be
far from the truth. Over and over again it must be repeated: There is perhaps
no people more faithful to the Emperor than ours in the south, but the Emperor
derives no advantage from our fidelity. True, the sacred dragon stands on the
little column at the end of our village, and ever since the beginning of human
memory it has breathed out its fiery breath in the direction of Peking in token
of homage -- but Peking itself is far stranger to the people in our village
than the next world. Can there really be a village where the houses stand side
by side, covering all the fields for a greater distance than one can see from
our hills, and can there be dense crowds of people packed between these houses
day and night? We find it more difficult to picture such a city than to believe
that Peking and its Emperor are one, a cloud, say, peacefully voyaging beneath
the sun in the course of the ages.
Now the result of holding such
opinions is a life on the whole free and unconstrained. By no means immoral,
however; hardly ever have I found in my travels such pure morals as in my
native village. But yet a life that is subject to no contemporary law, and
attends only to the exhortations and warnings that come to us from olden times.
I guard against generalizations, and
do not assert that in all the ten thousand villages in my province it is so,
far less in all the five hundred provinces of China. Yet perhaps I may venture
to assert on the basis of the many writings on this subject which I have read,
as well as from my own observation -- the building of the wall in particular,
with its abundance of human material, provided a man of sensibility with the
opportunity of traversing the souls of almost all the provinces -- on the basis
of all this, then, perhaps I may venture to assert that the prevailing attitude
to the Emperor shows persistently and universally something fundamentally in
common with that of our village. Now I have no wish whatever to represent this attitude
as a virtue; on the contrary. True, the essential responsibility for it lies
with the government, which in the most ancient empire in the world has not yet
succeeded in developing, or has neglected to develop, the institution of the
empire to such precision that its workings extend directly and unceasingly to
the farthest frontiers of the land. On the other hand, however, there is also
involved a certain feebleness of faith and imaginative power on the part of the
people, that prevents them from raising the empire out of its stagnation in
Peking and clasping it in all its palpable living reality to their own breasts,
which yet desire nothing better than but once to feel that touch and then to
die.
This attitude then is certainly no
virtue. All the more remarkable is it that this very weakness should seem to be
one of the greatest unifying influences among our people; indeed, if one may
dare to use the expression, the very ground on which we live. To set about
establishing a fundamental defect here would mean undermining not only our
consciences, but, what is far worse, our feet. And for that reason I shall not
proceed any further at this stage with my inquiry into these questions.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
News of the Building of the Wall: A Fragment
The
news of the building of the wall now penetrated into this world -- late,
too, some thirty years after its announcement. It was on a summer evening. I,
ten years old, was standing with my father on the riverbank. In keeping with
the importance of this much-discussed hour, I can recall the smallest details.
My father was holding me by the hand, something he was fond of doing to the end
of his days, and running his other hand up and down his long, very thin pipe,
as though it were a flute. With his sparse, rigid beard raised in the air, he
was enjoying his pipe while gazing upwards across the river. As a result his
pigtail, object of the children's veneration, sank lower, rustling faintly on
the gold-embroidered silk of his holiday gown. At that moment a bark drew up
before us, the boatman beckoned to my father to come down the embankment, while
he himself climbed up toward him. They met halfway, the boatman whispered
something in my father's ear, in order to come quite close he had embraced him.
I could not understand what they said, I only saw that my father did not seem
to believe the news, that the boatman tried to insist upon its truth, that when
my father still refused to believe it the boatman, with the passion of sailors,
almost tore the garment from his chest to prove the truth, whereupon my father
fell silent and the boatman jumped noisily into the bark and sailed away. Deep
in thought my father turned toward me, knocked his pipe out and stuck it in his
belt, stroked my cheek, and pulled my head toward him. That is what I liked
best, it made me very happy, and so we came home. There the rice pap was
already steaming on the table, several guests had assembled, the wine, was just
being poured into the goblets. Paying no attention to any of this and having
advanced no farther than the threshold, my father started telling what he had
heard. Of the exact words I have of course no recollection, but owing to the
exceptional circumstances which cast a spell even over the child, the meaning
became so clear to me that I venture nevertheless to give some version of what
my father said. I am doing so because it was very characteristic of the popular
point of view. My father said something like this: An unknown boatman -- I know
all those who usually pass by here, but this one was a stranger -- has just
told me that a great wall is going to be built to protect the Emperor. For it
seems that infidel tribes, among them demons, often assemble before the
imperial palace and shoot their black arrows at the Emperor.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
A
Report to an Academy
Honored
members of the Academy!
You have done me the honor of
inviting me to give your Academy an account of the life I formerly led as an
ape.
I regret that I cannot comply with
your request to the extent you desire. It is now nearly five years since I was
an ape, a short space of time, perhaps, according to the calendar, but an
infinitely long time to gallop through at full speed, as I have done, more or
less accompanied by excellent mentors, good advice, applause, and orchestral
music, and yet essentially alone, since all my escorters, to keep the image,
kept well off the course. I could never have achieved what I have done had I
been stubbornly set on clinging to my origins, to the remembrances of my youth.
In fact, to give up being stubborn was the supreme commandment I laid upon
myself; free ape as I was, I submitted myself to that yoke. In revenge,
however, my memory of the past has closed the door against me more and more. I
could have returned at first, had human beings allowed it, through an archway
as wide as the span of heaven over the earth, but as I spurred myself on in my
forced career, the opening narrowed and shrank behind me; I felt more
comfortable in the world of men and fitted it better; the strong wind that blew
after me out of my past began to slacken; today it is only a gentle puff of air
that plays around my heels; and the opening in the distance, through which it
comes and through which I once came myself, has grown so small that, even if my
strength and my will power sufficed to get me back to it, I should have to
scrape the very skin from my body to crawl through. To put it plainly, much as
I like expressing myself in images, to put it plainly: your life as apes,
gentlemen, insofar as something of that kind lies behind you, cannot be farther
removed from you than mine is from me. Yet everyone on earth feels a tickling
at the heels; the small chimpanzee and the great Achilles alike.
But to a lesser extent I can perhaps
meet your demand, and indeed I do so with the greatest pleasure. The first
thing I learned was to give a handshake; a handshake betokens frankness; well,
today, now that I stand at the very peak of my career, I hope to add frankness
in words to the frankness of that first handshake. What I have to tell the
Academy will contribute nothing essentially new, and will fall far behind what
you have asked of me and what with the best will in the world I cannot communicate
-- nonetheless, it should indicate the line an erstwhile ape has had to follow
in entering and establishing himself in the world of men. Yet I could not risk
putting into words even such insignificant information as I am going to give
you if I were not quite sure of myself and if my position on all the great
variety stages of the civilized world had not become quite unassailable.
I belong to the Gold Coast. For the
story of my capture I must depend on the evidence of others. A hunting
expedition sent out by the firm of Hagenbeck -- by the way, I have drunk many a
bottle of good red wine since then with the leader of that expedition -- had
taken up its position in the bushes by the shore when I came down for a drink
at evening among a troop of apes. They shot at us; I was the only one that was
hit; I was hit in two places.
Once in the cheek; a slight wound;
but it left a large, naked, red scar which earned me the name of Red Peter, a
horrible name, utterly inappropriate, which only some ape could have thought
of, as if the only difference between me and the performing ape Peter, who died
not so long ago and had some small local reputation, were the red mark on my
cheek. This by the way.
The second shot hit me below the
hip. It was a severe wound, it is the cause of my limping a little to this day.
I read an article recently by one of the ten thousand windbags who vent
themselves concerning me in the newspapers, saying: my ape nature is not yet
quite under control; the proof being that when visitors come to see me, I have
a predilection for taking down my trousers to show them where the shot went in.
The hand which wrote that should have its fingers shot away one by one. As for
me, I can take my trousers down before anyone if I like; you would find nothing
but a well-groomed fur and the scar made -- let me be particular in the choice
of a word for this particular purpose, to avoid misunderstanding -- the scar
made by a wanton shot. Everything is open and aboveboard; there is nothing to
conceal; when the plain truth is in question, great minds discard the niceties
of refinement. But if the writer of the article were to take down his trousers
before a visitor, that would be quite another story, and I will let it stand to
his credit that he does not do it. In return, let him leave me alone with his
delicacy!
After these two shots I came to
myself -- and this is where my own memories gradually begin -- between decks in
the Hagenbeck steamer, inside a cage. It was not a four-sided barred cage; it
was only a three-sided cage nailed to a locker; the locker made the fourth side
of it. The whole construction was too low for me to stand up in and too narrow
to sit down in. So I had to squat with my knees bent and trembling all the
time, and also, since probably for a time I wished to see no one, and to stay
in the dark, my face was turned toward the locker while the bars of the cage
cut into my flesh behind. Such a method of confining wild beasts is supposed to
have its advantages during the first days of captivity, and out of my own
experiences I cannot deny that from the human point of view this is really the
case.
But that did not occur to me then.
For the first time in my life I could see no way out; at least no direct way
out; directly in front of me was the locker, board fitted close to board. True,
there was a gap running right through the boards which I greeted with the
blissful howl of ignorance when I first discovered it, but the hole was not
even wide enough to stick one's tail through and not all the strength of an ape
could enlarge it.
I am supposed to have made
uncommonly little noise, as I was later informed, from which the conclusion was
drawn that I would either soon die or if I managed to survive the first
critical period would be very amenable to training. I did survive this period.
Hopelessly sobbing, painfully hunting for fleas, apathetically licking a
cocoanut, beating my skull against the locker, sticking out my tongue at anyone
who came near me -- that was how I filled in time at first in my new life. But
over and above it all only the one feeling: no way out. Of course what I felt
then as an ape I can represent now only in human terms, and therefore I
misrepresent it, but although I cannot reach back to the truth of the old ape
life, there is no doubt that it lies somewhere in the direction I have
indicated.
Until then I had had so many ways
out of everything, and now I had none. I was pinned down. Had I been nailed
down, my right to free movement would not have been lessened. Why so? Scratch
your flesh raw between your toes, but you won't find the answer. Press yourself
against the bar behind you till it nearly cuts you in two, you won't find the
answer. I had no way out but I had to devise one, for without it I could not
live. All the time facing that locker -- I should certainly have perished. Yet
as far as Hagenbeck was concerned, the place for apes was in front of a locker
-- well then, I had to stop being an ape. A fine, clear train of thought, which
I must have constructed somehow with my belly, since apes think with their
bellies.
I fear that perhaps you do not quite
understand what I mean by "way out." I use the expression in its
fullest and most popular sense. I deliberately do not use the word
"freedom." I do not mean the spacious feeling of freedom on all
sides. As an ape, perhaps, I knew that, and I have met men who yearn for it.
But for my part I desired such freedom neither then nor now. In passing: may I
say that all too often men are betrayed by the word freedom. And as freedom is
counted among the most sublime feelings, so the corresponding disillusionment
can be also sublime. In variety theaters I have often watched, before my turn
came on, a couple of acrobats performing on trapezes high in the roof. They
swung themselves, they rocked to and fro, they sprang into the air, they
floated into each other's arms, one hung by the hair from the teeth of the
other. "And that too is human freedom," I thought, "self-controlled
movement." What a mockery of holy Mother Nature! Were the apes to see such
a spectacle, no theater walls could stand the shock of their laughter.
No, freedom was not what I wanted.
Only a way out; right or left, or in any direction; I made no other demand;
even should the way out prove to be an illusion; the demand was a small one,
the disappointment could be no bigger. To get out somewhere, to get out! Only
not to stay motionless with raised arms, crushed against a wooden wall.
Today I can see it clearly; without
the most profound inward calm I could never have found my way out. And indeed
perhaps I owe all that I have become to the calm that settled within me after
my first few days in the ship. And again for that calmness it was the ship's
crew I had to thank.
They were good creatures, in spite
of everything. I find it still pleasant to remember the sound of their heavy
footfalls which used to echo through my half-dreaming head. They had a habit of
doing everything as slowly as possible. If one of them wanted to rub his eyes,
he lifted a hand as if it were a drooping weight. Their jests were coarse, but
hearty. Their laughter had always a gruff bark in it that sounded dangerous but
meant nothing. They always had something in their mouths to spit out and did not
care where they spat it. They always grumbled that they got fleas from me; yet
they were not seriously angry about it; they knew that my fur fostered fleas,
and that fleas jump; it was a simple matter of fact to them. When they were off
duty some of them often used to sit down in a semicircle around me; they hardly
spoke but only grunted to each other; smoked their pipes, stretched out on
lockers; smacked their knees as soon as I made the slightest movement; and now
and then one of them would take a stick and tickle me where I liked being
tickled. If I were to be invited today to take a cruise on that ship I should
certainly refuse the invitation, but just as certainly the memories I could
recall between its decks would not all be hateful.
The calmness I acquired among these
people kept me above all from trying to escape. As I look back now, it seems to
me I must have had at least an inkling that I had to find a way out or die, but
that my way out could not be reached through flight. I cannot tell now whether
escape was possible, but I believe it must have been; for an ape it must always
be possible. With my teeth as they are today I have to be careful even in
simply cracking nuts, but at that time I could certainly have managed by
degrees to bite through the lock of my cage. I did not do it. What good would
it have done me? As soon as I had poked out my head I should have been caught
again and put in a worse cage; or I might have slipped among the other animals
without being noticed, among the pythons, say, who were opposite me, and so
breathed out my life in their embrace; or supposing I had actually succeeded in
sneaking out as far as the deck and leaping overboard, I should have rocked for
a little on the deep sea and then been drowned. Desperate remedies. I did not
think it out in this human way, but under the influence of my surroundings I
acted as if I had thought it out.
I did not think things out; but I
observed everything quietly. I watched these men go to and fro, always the same
faces, the same movements, often it seemed to me there was only the same man.
So this man or these men walked about unimpeded. A lofty goal faintly dawned
before me. No one promised me that if I became like them the bars of my cage
would be taken away. Such promises for apparently impossible contingencies are
not given. But if one achieves the impossible, the promises appear later
retrospectively precisely where one had looked in vain for them before. Now,
these men in themselves had no great attraction for me. Had I been devoted to
the aforementioned idea of freedom, I should certainly have preferred the deep
sea to the way out that suggested itself in the heavy faces of these men. At
any rate, I watched them for a long time before I even thought of such things,
indeed, it was only the mass weight of my observations that impelled me in the
right direction.
It was so easy to imitate these
people. I learned to spit in the very first days. We used to spit in each
other's faces; the only difference was that I licked my face clean afterwards
and they did not. I could soon smoke a pipe like an old hand; and if I also
pressed my thumb into the bowl of the pipe, a roar of appreciation went up
between-decks; only it took me a very long time to understand the difference
between a full pipe and an empty one.
My worst trouble came from the
schnapps bottle. The smell of it revolted me; I forced myself to it as best I
could; but it took weeks for me to master my repulsion. This inward conflict,
strangely enough, was taken more seriously by the crew than anything else about
me. I cannot distinguish the men from each other in my recollection, but there
was one of them who came again and again, alone or with friends, by day, by
night, at all kinds of hours; he would post himself before me with the bottle
and give me instructions. He could not
understand me, he wanted to solve the enigma of my being. He would slowly
uncork the bottle and then look at me to see if I had followed him; I admit
that I always watched him with wildly eager, too eager attention; such a
student of humankind no human teacher ever found on earth. After the bottle was
uncorked he lifted it to his mouth; I followed it with my eyes right up to his
jaws; he would nod, pleased with me, and set the bottle to his lips; I, enchanted
with my gradual enlightenment, squealed and scratched myself comprehensively
wherever scratching was called for; he rejoiced, tilted the bottle, and took a
drink; I, impatient and desperate to emulate him, befouled myself in my cage,
which again gave him great satisfaction; and then, holding the bottle at arm's
length and bringing it up with a swing, he would empty it at one draught,
leaning back at an exaggerated angle for my better instruction. I, exhausted by
too much effort, could follow him no farther and hung limply to the bars, while
he ended his theoretical exposition by rubbing his belly and grinning.
After theory came practice. Was I
not already quite exhausted by my theoretical instruction? Indeed I was;
utterly exhausted. That was part of my destiny. And yet I would take hold of
the proffered bottle as well as I was able; uncork it, trembling; this
successful action would gradually inspire me with new energy; I would lift the
bottle, already following my original model almost exactly; put it to my lips
and -- and then throw it down in disgust, utter disgust, although it was empty
and filled only with the smell of the spirit, throw it down on the floor in
disgust. To the sorrow of my teacher, to the greater sorrow of myself; neither
of us being really comforted by the fact that I did not forget, even though I
had thrown away the bottle, to rub my belly most admirably and to grin.
Far too often my lesson ended in
that way. And to the credit of my teacher, he was not angry; sometimes indeed
he would hold his burning pipe against my fur, until it began to smolder in
some place I could not easily reach, but then he would himself extinguish it
with his own kind, enormous hand; he was not angry with me, he perceived that
we were both fighting on the same side against the nature of apes and that I
had the more difficult task.
What a triumph it was then both for
him and for me, when one evening before a large circle of spectators -- perhaps
there was a celebration of some kind, a gramophone was playing, an officer was
circulating among the crew -- when on this evening, just as no one was looking,
I took hold of a schnapps bottle that had been carelessly left standing before
my cage, uncorked it in the best style, while the company began to watch me
with mounting attention, set it to my lips without hesitation, with no grimace,
like a professional drinker, with rolling eyes and full throat, actually and
truly drank it empty; then threw the bottle away, not this time in despair but
as an artistic performer; forgot, indeed, to rub my belly; but instead of that,
because I could not help it, because my senses were reeling, called a brief and
unmistakable "Hallo!" breaking into human speech, and with this
outburst broke into the human community, and felt its echo: "Listen, he's
talking!" like a caress over the whole of my sweat-drenched body.
I repeat: there was no attraction
for me in imitating human beings; I imitated them because I needed a way out,
and for no other reason. And even that triumph of mine did not achieve much. I
lost my human voice again at once; it did not come back for months; my aversion
for the schnapps bottle returned again with even greater force. But the line I
was to follow had in any case been decided, once for all.
When I was handed over to my first
trainer in Hamburg I soon realized that there were two alternatives before me:
the Zoological Gardens or the variety stage. I did not hesitate. I said to
myself: do your utmost to get onto the variety stage; the Zoological Gardens
means only a new cage; once there, you are done for.
And so I learned things, gentlemen.
Ah, one learns when one has to; one learns when one needs a way out; one learns
at all costs. One stands over oneself with a whip; one flays oneself at the
slightest opposition. My ape nature fled out of me, head over heels and away,
so that my first teacher was almost himself turned into an ape by it, had soon
to give up teaching and was taken away to a mental hospital. Fortunately he was
soon let out again.
But I used up many teachers, indeed,
several teachers at once. As I became more confident of my abilities, as the
public took an interest in my progress and my future began to look bright, I
engaged teachers for myself, established them in five communicating rooms, and
took lessons from them all at once by dint of leaping from one room to the
other.
That progress of mine! How the rays
of knowledge penetrated from all sides into my awakening brain! I do not deny
it: I found it exhilarating. But I must also confess: I did not overestimate
it, not even then, much less now. With an effort which up till now has never
been repeated I managed to reach the cultural level of an average European. In
itself that might be nothing to speak of, but it is something insofar as it has
helped me out of my cage and opened a special way out for me, the way of
humanity. There is an excellent idiom: to fight one's way through the thick of
things; that is what I have done, I have fought through the thick of things.
There was nothing else for me to do, provided always that freedom was not to be
my choice.
As I look back over my development
and survey what I have achieved so far, I do not complain, but I am not
complacent either. With my hands in my trouser pockets, my bottle of wine on
the table, I half lie and half sit in my rocking chair and gaze out of the
window: if a visitor arrives, I receive him with propriety. My manager sits in
the anteroom; when I ring, he comes and listens to what I have to say. Nearly
every evening I give a performance, and I have a success that could hardly be
increased. When I come home late at night from banquets, from scientific
receptions, from social gatherings, there sits waiting for me a half-trained
little chimpanzee and I take comfort from her as apes do. By day I cannot bear
to see her; for she has the insane look of the bewildered half-broken animal in
her eye; no one else sees it, but I do, and I cannot bear it. On the whole, at
any rate, I have achieved what I set out to achieve. But do not tell me that it
was not worth the trouble. In any case, I am not appealing for any man's
verdict, I am only imparting knowledge, I am only making a report. To you also,
honored Members of the Academy, I have only made a report.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Report to an Academy: Two Fragments
We
all know Rotpeter, just as half the world knows him. But when he came to
our town for a guest performance, I decided to get to know him personally. It
is not difficult to be admitted. In big cities where everyone in the know
clamors to watch celebrities breathe from as close as possible, great
difficulties may be encountered; but in our town one is content to marvel at
the marvelous from the pit. Thus I was the only one so far, as the hotel
servant told me, to have announced his visit. Herr Busenau, the impresario,
received me with extreme courtesy. I had not expected to meet a man so modest,
indeed almost timid. He was sitting in the anteroom of Rotpeter's apartment,
eating an omelet. Although it was morning he already sat there in the evening
clothes in which he appears at the performances. Hardly had he caught sight of
me -- me the unknown, the unimportant guest -- when he, possessor of highly
distinguished medals, king of trainers, honorary doctor of great universities,
jumped up, shook me by both hands, urged me to sit down, wiped his spoon on the
tablecloth, and amiably offered it to me so that I might finish his omelet. He
would not accept my grateful refusal and promptly tried to feed me. I had some
trouble calming him down and warding him off, as well as his spoon and plate.
"Very kind of you to have
come," he said with a strong foreign accent. "Most kind. You've also
come at the right time, for alas Rotpeter cannot always receive. Seeing people
is often repugnant to him; on these occasions no one, it does not matter who he
may be, is admitted; then I, even I can see him only on business, so to speak,
on the stage. And immediately after the performance I have to disappear, he
drives home alone, locks himself in his room, and usually remains like that
until the following evening. He always has a big hamper of fruit in his
bedroom, this is what he lives on at these times. But I, who of course dare not
let him out of my sight, always rent the apartment opposite his and watch him
from behind curtains."
When I sit opposite you like this,
Rotpeter, listening to you talk, drinking your health, I really and truly
forget -- whether you take it as a compliment or not, it's the truth -- that you
are a chimpanzee. Only gradually, when I have forced myself out of my thoughts
back to reality, do my eyes show me again whose guest I am.
Yes.
You're so silent suddenly, I wonder
why? Just a moment ago you were pronouncing such astonishingly correct opinions
about our town, and now you're so silent.
Silent?
Is something wrong? Shall I call the
trainer? Perhaps you're in the habit of taking a meal at this hour?
No, no. It's quite all right. I can
tell you what it was. Sometimes I'm overcome with such an aversion to human
beings that I can barely refrain from retching. This, of course, has nothing to
do with the individual human being, least of all with your charming presence.
It concerns all human beings. There's nothing extraordinary about this. Suppose,
for instance, that you were to live continuously with apes, you'd probably have
similar attacks, however great your self-control. Actually, it's not the smell
of human beings that repels me so much, it's the human smell which I have
contracted and which mingles with the smell from my native land. Smell for
yourself! Here, on my chest! Put your nose deeper into the fur! Deeper, I say!
I'm sorry, but I can't smell
anything special. Just the ordinary smell of a well-groomed body, that's all.
The nose of a city-dweller, of course, is no fair test. You, no doubt, can
scent thousands of things that evade us.
Once upon a time, sir, once upon a
time. That's over.
Since you brought it up yourself, I
dare to ask: How long have you actually been living among us?
Five years. On the fifth of April it
will be five years.
Terrific achievement. To cast off
apehood in five years and gallop through the whole evolution of mankind!
Certainly no one has ever done that before! On this racecourse you have no
rival.
It's a great deal, I know, and
sometimes it surpasses even my understanding. In tranquil moments, however, I
feel less exuberant about it. Do you know how I was caught?
I've read everything that's been
printed about you. You were shot at and then caught.
Yes, I was hit twice, once here in
the cheek -- the wound of course was far larger than the scar you see -- and
the second time below the hip. I'll take my trousers down so you can see that
scar, too. Here then was where the bullet entered; this was the severe,
decisive wound. I fell from the tree and when I came to I was in a cage between
decks.
In a cage! Between decks! It's one
thing to read your story, and quite another to hear you tell it!
And yet another, sir, to have
experienced it. Until then I had never known what it means to have no way out.
It was not a four-sided barred cage, it had only three sides nailed to a
locker, the locker forming the fourth side. The whole contrivance was so low
that I could not stand upright, and so narrow that I could not even sit down.
All I could do was squat there with bent knees. In my rage I refused to see
anyone, and so remained facing the locker; for days and nights I squatted there
with trembling knees while behind me the bars cut into my flesh. This manner of
confining wild animals is considered to have its advantages during the first
days of captivity, and from my experience I cannot deny that from the human
point of view this actually is the case. But at that time I was not interested
in the human point of view. I had the locker in front of me. Break the boards,
bite a hole through them, squeeze yourself through an opening which in reality
hardly allows you to see through it and which, when you first discover it, you
greet with the blissful howl of ignorance! Where do you want to go? Beyond the
boards the forest begins. . .
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Refusal
Our
little town does not lie on the frontier, nowhere near; it is so far
from the frontier, in fact, that perhaps no one from our town has ever been
there; desolate highlands have to be crossed as well as wide fertile plains. To
imagine even part of the road makes one tired, and more than part one just
cannot imagine. There are also big towns on the road, each far larger than
ours. Ten little towns like ours laid side by side, and ten more forced down
from above, still would not produce one of these enormous, overcrowded towns.
If one does not get lost on the way one is bound to lose oneself in these towns,
and to avoid them is impossible on account of their size.
But what is even further from our
town than the frontier, if such distances can be compared at all -- it's like
saying that a man of three hundred years is older than one of two hundred --
what is even further than the frontier is the capital. Whereas we do get news
of the frontier wars now and again, of the capital we learn next to nothing --
we civilians that is, for of course the government officials have very good
connections with the capital; they can get news from there in as little as
three months, so they claim at least.
Now it is remarkable and I am
continually being surprised by the way we in our town humbly submit to all
orders issued in the capital. For centuries no political change has been
brought about by the citizens themselves. In the capital great rulers have
superseded each other -- indeed, even dynasties have been deposed or
annihilated, and new ones have started; in the past century even the capital
itself was destroyed, a new one was founded far away from it, later on this too
was destroyed and the old one rebuilt, yet none of this had any influence on
our little town. Our officials have always remained at their posts; the highest
officials came from the capital, the less high from other towns, and the lowest
from among ourselves -- that is how it has always been and it has suited us.
The highest official is the chief tax-collector, he has the rank of colonel,
and is known as such. The present one is an old man; I've known him for years,
because he was already a colonel when I was a child. At first he rose very fast
in his career, but then he seems to have advanced no further; actually, for our
little town his rank is good enough, a higher rank would be out of place. When
I try to recall him I see him sitting on the veranda of his house in the Market
Square, leaning back, pipe in mouth. Above him from the roof flutters the
imperial flag; on the sides of the veranda, which is so big that minor military
maneuvers are sometimes held there, washing hangs out to dry. His
grandchildren, in beautiful silk clothes, play around him; they are not allowed
down in the Market Square, the children there are considered unworthy of them,
but the grandchildren are attracted by the Square, so they thrust their heads
between the posts of the banister and when the children below begin to quarrel
they join the quarrel from above.
This colonel, then, commands the
town. I don't think he has ever produced a document entitling him to this
position; very likely he does not possess such a thing. Maybe he really is
chief tax-collector. But is that all? Does that entitle him to rule over all
the other departments in the administration as well? True, his office is very
important for the government, but for the citizens it is hardly the most
important. One is almost under the impression that the people here say:
"Now that you've taken all we possess, please take us as well." In
reality, of course, it was not he who seized the power, nor is he a tyrant. It
has just come about over the years that the chief tax-collector is
automatically the top official, and the colonel accepts the tradition just as
we do.
Yet while he lives among us without
laying too much stress on his official position, he is something quite different
from the ordinary citizen. When a delegation comes to him with a request, he
stands there like the wall of the world. Behind him is nothingness, one
imagines hearing voices whispering in the background, but this is probably a
delusion; after all, he represents the end of all things, at least for us. At
these receptions he really was worth seeing. Once as a child I was present when
a delegation of citizens arrived to ask him for a government subsidy because
the poorest quarter of the town had been burned to the ground. My father, the
blacksmith, a man well respected in the community, was a member of the
delegation and had taken me along. There's nothing exceptional about this,
everyone rushes to spectacles of this kind, one can hardly distinguish the
actual delegation from the crowd. Since these receptions usually take place on
the veranda, there are even people who climb up by ladder from the Market
Square and take part in the goings-on from over the banister. On this occasion
about a quarter of the veranda had been reserved for the colonel, the crowd
filling the rest of it. A few soldiers kept watch, some of them standing around
him in a semicircle. Actually a single soldier would have been quite enough,
such is our fear of them. I don't know exactly where these soldiers come from,
in any case from a long way off, they all look very much alike, they wouldn't
even need a uniform. They are small, not strong but agile people, the most
striking thing about them is the prominence of their teeth which almost
overcrowd their mouths, and a certain restless twitching of their small narrow
eyes. This makes them the terror of the children, but also their delight, for
again and again the children long to be frightened by these teeth, these eyes,
so as to be able to run away in horror. Even grownups probably never quite lose
this childish terror, at least it continues to have an effect. There are, of
course, other factors contributing to it. The soldiers speak a dialect utterly
incomprehensible to us, and they can hardly get used to ours -- all of which
produces a certain shut-off, unapproachable quality corresponding, as it
happens, to their character, for they are silent, serious, and rigid. They
don't actually do anything evil, and yet they are almost unbearable in an evil
sense. A soldier, for example, enters a shop, buys some trifling object, and
stays there leaning against the counter; he listens to the conversations,
probably does not understand them, and yet gives the impression of
understanding; he himself does not say a word, just stares blankly at the
speaker, then back at the listeners, all the while keeping his hand on the hilt
of the long knife in his belt. This is revolting, one loses the desire to talk,
the customers start leaving the shop, and only when it is quite empty does the
soldier also leave. Thus wherever the soldiers appear, our lively people grow
silent. That's what happened this time, too. As on all solemn occasions the
colonel stood upright, holding in front of him two poles of bamboo in his
outstretched hands. This is an ancient custom implying more or less that he
supports the law, and the law supports him. Now everyone knows, of course, what
to expect up on the veranda, and yet each time people take fright all over
again. On this occasion, too, the man chosen to speak could not begin; he was
already standing opposite the colonel when his courage failed him and,
muttering a few excuses, he pushed his way back into the crowd. No other
suitable person willing to speak could be found, albeit several unsuitable ones
offered themselves; a great commotion ensued and messengers were sent in search
of various citizens who were well-known speakers. During all this time the
colonel stood there motionless, only his chest moving visibly up and down to his
breathing. Not that he breathed with difficulty, it was just that he breathed
so conspicuously, much as frogs breathe -- except that with them it is normal,
while here it was exceptional. I squeezed myself through the grownups and
watched him through a gap between two soldiers, until one of them kicked me
away with his knee. Meanwhile the man originally chosen to speak had regained
his composure and, firmly held up by two fellow citizens, was delivering his
address. It was touching to see him smile throughout this solemn speech
describing a grievous misfortune -- a most humble smile which strove in vain to
elicit some slight reaction on the colonel's face. Finally he formulated the
request -- I think he was only asking for a year's tax exemption, but possibly
also for timber from the imperial forests at a reduced price. Then he bowed
low, remaining in this position for some time, as did everyone else except the
colonel, the soldiers, and a number of officials in the background. To the
child it seemed ridiculous that the people on the ladders should climb down a
few rungs so as not to be seen during the significant pause and now and again
peer inquisitively over the floor of the veranda. After this had lasted quite a
while an official, a little man, stepped up to the colonel and tried to reach
the latter's height by standing on his toes. The colonel, still motionless save
for his deep breathing, whispered something in his ear, whereupon the little
man clapped his hands and everyone rose. "The petition has been
refused," he announced. "You may go." An undeniable sense of
relief passed through the crowd, everyone surged out, hardly a soul paying any
special attention to the colonel, who, as it were, had turned once more into a
human being like the rest of us. I still caught one last glimpse of him as he
wearily let go of the poles, which fell to the ground, then sank into an
armchair produced by some officials, and promptly put his pipe in his mouth.
This whole occurrence is not
isolated, it's in the general run of things. Indeed, it does happen now and
again that minor petitions are granted, but then it invariably looks as though
the colonel had done it as a powerful private person on his own responsibility,
and it had to be kept all but a secret from the government -- not explicitly of
course, but that is what it feels like. No doubt in our little town the
colonel's eyes, so far as we know, are also the eyes of the government, and yet
there is a difference which it is impossible to comprehend completely.
In all important matters, however,
the citizens can always count on a refusal. And now the strange fact is that
without this refusal one simply cannot get along, yet at the same time these
official occasions designed to receive the refusal are by no means a formality.
Time after time one goes there full of expectation and in all seriousness and
then one returns, if not exactly strengthened or happy, nevertheless not
disappointed or tired. About these things I do not have to ask the opinion of
anyone else, I feel them in myself, as everyone does; nor do I have any great
desire to find out how these things are connected.
As a matter of fact there is, so far
as my observations go, a certain age group that is not content -- these are the
young people roughly between seventeen and twenty. Quite young fellows, in
fact, who are utterly incapable of foreseeing the consequences of even the
least significant, far less a revolutionary, idea. And it is among just them
that discontent creeps in.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
A
Hunger Artist
During
these last decades the interest in professional fasting has markedly
diminished. It used to pay very well to stage such great performances under
one's own management, but today that is quite impossible. We live in a different
world now. At one time the whole town took a lively interest in the hunger
artist; from day to day of his fast the excitement mounted; everybody wanted to
see him at least once a day; there were people who bought season tickets for
the last few days and sat from morning till night in front of his small barred
cage; even in the nighttime there were visiting hours, when the whole effect
was heightened by torch flares; on fine days the cage was set out in the open
air, and then it was the children's special treat to see the hunger artist; for
their elders he was often just a joke that happened to be in fashion, but the
children stood openmouthed, holding each other's hands for greater security,
marveling at him as he sat there pallid in black tights, with his ribs sticking
out so prominently, not even on a seat but down among straw on the ground,
sometimes giving a courteous nod, answering questions with a constrained smile,
or perhaps stretching an arm through the bars so that one might feel how thin
it was, and then again withdrawing deep into himself, paying no attention to
anyone or anything, not even to the all-important striking of the clock that
was the only piece of furniture in his cage, but merely staring into vacancy
with half-shut eyes, now and then taking a sip from a tiny glass of water to
moisten his lips.
Besides casual onlookers there were
also relays of permanent watchers selected by the public, usually butchers,
strangely enough, and it was their task to watch the hunger artist day and night,
three of them at a time, in case he should have some secret recourse to
nourishment. This was nothing but a formality, instituted to reassure the
masses, for the initiates knew well enough that during his fast the artist
would never in any circumstances, not even under forcible compulsion, swallow
the smallest morsel of food; the honor of his profession forbade it. Not every
watcher, of course, was capable of understanding this, there were often groups
of night watchers who were very lax in carrying out their duties and
deliberately huddled together in a retired corner to play cards with great
absorption, obviously intending to give the hunger artist the chance of a
little refreshment, which they supposed he could draw from some private hoard.
Nothing annoyed the artist more than such watchers; they made him miserable;
they made his fast seem unendurable; sometimes he mastered his feebleness
sufficiently to sing during their watch for as long as he could keep going, to
show them how unjust their suspicions were. But that was of little use; they
only wondered at his cleverness in being able to fill his mouth even while
singing. Much more to his taste were the watchers who sat close up to the bars,
who were not content with the dim night lighting of the hall but focused him in
the full glare of the electric pocket torch given them by the impresario. The
harsh light did not trouble him at all, in any case he could never sleep
properly, and he could always drowse a little, whatever the light, at any hour,
even when the hall was thronged with noisy onlookers. He was quite happy at the
prospect of spending a sleepless night with such watchers; he was ready to
exchange jokes with them, to tell them stories out of his nomadic life,
anything at all to keep them awake and demonstrate to them again that he had no
eatables in his cage and that he was fasting as not one of them could fast. But
his happiest moment was when the morning came and an enormous breakfast was
brought them, at his expense, on which they flung themselves with the keen
appetite of healthy men after a weary night of wakefulness. Of course there
were people who argued that this breakfast was an unfair attempt to bribe the
watchers, but that was going rather too far, and when they were invited to take
on a night's vigil without a breakfast, merely for the sake of the cause, they
made themselves scarce, although they stuck stubbornly to their suspicions.
Such suspicions, anyhow, were a
necessary accompaniment to the profession of fasting. No one could possibly
watch the hunger artist continuously, day and night, and so no one could
produce first-hand evidence that the fast had really been rigorous and
continuous; only the artist himself could know that, he was therefore bound to
be the sole completely satisfied spectator of his own fast. Yet for other
reasons he was never satisfied; it was not perhaps mere fasting that had
brought him to such skeleton thinness that many people had regretfully to keep
away from his exhibitions, because the sight of him was too much for them,
perhaps it was dissatisfaction with himself that had worn him down. For he
alone knew, what no other initiate knew, how easy it was to fast. It was the
easiest thing in the world. He made no secret of this, yet people did not
believe him, at the best they set him down as modest, most of them, however,
thought he was out for publicity or else was some kind of cheat who found it
easy to fast because he had discovered a way of making it easy, and then had
the impudence to admit the fact, more or less. He had to put up with all that,
and in the course of time had got used to it, but his inner dissatisfaction
always rankled, and never yet, after any term of fasting -- this must be
granted to his credit -- had he left the cage of his own free will. The longest
period of fasting was fixed by his impresario at forty days, beyond that term
he was not allowed to go, not even in great cities, and there was good reason
for it, too. Experience had proved that for about forty days the interest of
the public could be stimulated by a steadily increasing pressure of
advertisement, but after that the town began to lose interest, sympathetic
support began notably to fall off; there were of course local variations as
between one town and another or one country and another, but as a general rule
forty days marked the limit. So on the fortieth day the flower-bedecked cage
was opened, enthusiastic spectators filled the hall, a military band played,
two doctors entered the cage to measure the results of the fast, which were
announced through a megaphone, and finally two young ladies appeared, blissful
at having been selected for the honor, to help the hunger artist down the few
steps leading to a small table on which was spread a carefully chosen invalid
repast. And at this very moment the artist always turned stubborn. True, he
would entrust his bony arms to the outstretched helping hands of the ladies
bending over him, but stand up he would not. Why stop fasting at this
particular moment, after forty days of it? He had held out for a long time, an
illimitably long time; why stop now, when he was in his best fasting form, or
rather, not yet quite in his best fasting form? Why should he be cheated of the
fame he would get for fasting longer, for being not only the record hunger
artist of all time, which presumably he was already, but for beating his own
record by a performance beyond human imagination, since he felt that there were
no limits to his capacity for fasting? His public pretended to admire him so
much, why should it have so little patience with him; if he could endure
fasting longer, why shouldn't the public endure it? Besides, he was tired, he
was comfortable sitting in the straw, and now he was supposed to lift himself
to his full height and go down to a meal the very thought of which gave him a
nausea that only the presence of the ladies kept him from betraying, and even
that with an effort. And he looked up into the eyes of the ladies who were
apparently so friendly and in reality so cruel, and shook his head, which felt
too heavy on its strengthless neck. But then there happened yet again what
always happened. The impresario came forward, without a word -- for the band
made speech impossible -- lifted his arms in the air above the artist, as if
inviting Heaven to look down upon its creature here in the straw, this
suffering martyr, which indeed he was, although in quite another sense; grasped
him around the emaciated waist, with exaggerated caution, so that the frail
condition he was in might be appreciated; and committed him to the care of the
blenching ladies, not without secretly giving him a shaking so that his legs
and body tottered and swayed. The artist now submitted completely; his head
lolled on his breast as if it had landed there by chance; his body was hollowed
out; his legs in a spasm of self-preservation clung close to each other at the
knees, yet scraped on the ground as if it were not really solid ground, as if
they were only trying to find solid ground; and the whole weight of his body, a
featherweight after all, relapsed onto one of the ladies, who, looking around
for help and panting a little -- this post of honor was not at all what she had
expected it to be -- first stretched her neck as far as she could to keep her
face at least free from contact with the artist, then finding this impossible,
and her more fortunate companion not coming to her aid but merely holding
extended in her own trembling hand the little bunch of knucklebones that was
the artist's, to the great delight of the spectators burst into tears and had
to be replaced by an attendant who had long been stationed in readiness. Then
came the food, a little of which the impresario managed to get between the
artist's lips, while he sat in a kind of half-fainting trance, to the accompaniment
of cheerful patter designed to distract the public's attention from the
artist's condition; after that, a toast was drunk to the public, supposedly
prompted by a whisper from the artist in the impresario's ear; the band
confirmed it with a mighty flourish, the spectators melted away, and no one had
any cause to be dissatisfied with the proceedings, no one except the hunger
artist himself, he only, as always.
So he lived for many years, with
small regular intervals of recuperation, in visible glory, honored by the
world, yet in spite of that troubled in spirit, and all the more troubled
because no one would take his trouble seriously. What comfort could he possibly
need? What more could he possibly wish for? And if some good-natured person,
feeling sorry for him, tried to console him by pointing out that his melancholy
was probably caused by fasting, it could happen, especially when he had been
fasting for some time, that he reacted with an outburst of fury and to the
general alarm began to shake the bars of his cage like a wild animal. Yet the
impresario had a way of punishing these outbreaks which he rather enjoyed
putting into operation. He would apologize publicly for the artist's behavior,
which was only to be excused, he admitted, because of the irritability caused
by fasting; a condition hardly to be understood by well-fed people; then by
natural transition he went on to mention the artist's equally incomprehensible
boast that he could fast for much longer than he was doing; he praised the high
ambition, the good will, the great self-denial undoubtedly implicit in such a
statement; and then quite simply countered it by bringing out photographs,
which were also on sale to the public, showing the artist on the fortieth day
of a fast lying in bed almost dead from exhaustion. This perversion of the
truth, familiar to the artist though it was, always unnerved him afresh and
proved too much for him. What was a consequence of the premature ending of his
fast was here presented as the cause of it! To fight against this lack of
understanding, against a whole world of non-understanding, was impossible. Time
and again in good faith he stood by the bars listening to the impresario, but
as soon as the photographs appeared he always let go and sank with a groan back
onto his straw, and the reassured public could once more come close and gaze at
him.
A few years later when the witnesses
of such scenes called them to mind, they often failed to understand themselves
at all. For meanwhile the aforementioned change in public interest had set in;
it seemed to happen almost overnight; there may have been profound causes for
it, but who was going to bother about that; at any rate the pampered hunger
artist suddenly found himself deserted one fine day by the amusement-seekers,
who went streaming past him to other more-favored attractions. For the last
time the impresario hurried him over half Europe to discover whether the old
interest might still survive here and there; all in vain; everywhere, as if by
secret agreement, a positive revulsion from professional fasting was in
evidence. Of course it could not really have sprung up so suddenly as all that,
and many premonitory symptoms which had not been sufficiently remarked or
suppressed during the rush and glitter of success now came retrospectively to
mind, but it was now too late to take any countermeasures. Fasting would surely
come into fashion again at some future date, yet that was no comfort for those
living in the present. What, then, was the hunger artist to do? He had been
applauded by thousands in his time and could hardly come down to showing
himself in a street booth at village fairs, and as for adopting another
profession, he was not only too old for that but too fanatically devoted to
fasting. So he took leave of the impresario, his partner in an unparalleled
career, and hired himself to a large circus; in order to spare his own feelings
he avoided reading the conditions of his contract.
A large circus with its enormous
traffic in replacing and recruiting men, animals, and apparatus can always find
a use for people at any time, even for a hunger artist, provided of course that
he does not ask too much, and in this particular case anyhow it was not only
the artist who was taken on but his famous and long-known name as well, indeed
considering the peculiar nature of his performance, which was not impaired by
advancing age, it could not be objected that here was an artist past his prime,
no longer at the height of his professional skill, seeking a refuge in some quiet
corner of a circus; on the contrary, the hunger artist averred that he could
fast as well as ever, which was entirely credible, he even alleged that if he
were allowed to fast as he liked, and this was at once promised him without
more ado, he could astound the world by establishing a record never yet
achieved, a statement that certainly provoked a smile among the other
professionals, since it left out of account the change in public opinion, which
the hunger artist in his zeal conveniently forgot.
He had not, however, actually lost
his sense of the real situation and took it as a matter of course that he and
his cage should be stationed, not in the middle of the ring as a main
attraction, but outside, near the animal cages, on a site that was after all easily
accessible. Large and gaily painted placards made a frame for the cage and
announced what was to be seen inside it. When the public came thronging out in
the intervals to see the animals, they could hardly avoid passing the hunger
artist's cage and stopping there for a moment, perhaps they might even have
stayed longer had not those pressing behind them in the narrow gangway, who did
not understand why they should be held up on their way toward the excitements
of the menagerie, made it impossible for anyone to stand gazing quietly for any
length of time. And that was the reason why the hunger artist, who had of
course been looking forward to these visiting hours as the main achievement of
his life, began instead to shrink from them. At first he could hardly wait for
the intervals; it was exhilarating to watch the crowds come streaming his way,
until only too soon -- not even the most obstinate self-deception, clung to
almost consciously, could hold out against the fact -- the conviction was borne
in upon him that these people, most of them, to judge from their actions, again
and again, without exception, were all on their way to the menagerie. And the
first sight of them from the distance remained the best. For when they reached
his cage he was at once deafened by the storm of shouting and abuse that arose
from the two contending factions, which renewed themselves continuously, of
those who wanted to stop and stare at him -- he soon began to dislike them more
than the others -- not out of real interest but only out of obstinate
self-assertiveness, and those who wanted to go straight on to the animals. When
the first great rush was past, the stragglers came along, and these, whom
nothing could have prevented from stopping to look at him as long as they had
breath, raced past with long strides, hardly even glancing at him, in their
haste to get to the menagerie in time. And all too rarely did it happen that he
had a stroke of luck, when some father of a family fetched up before him with
his children, pointed a finger at the hunger artist, and explained at length
what the phenomenon meant, telling stories of earlier years when he himself had
watched similar but much more thrilling performances, and the children, still
rather uncomprehending, since neither inside nor outside school had they been
sufficiently prepared for this lesson -- what did they care about fasting? --
yet showed by the brightness of their intent eyes that new and better times
might be coming. Perhaps, said the hunger artist to himself many a time, things
would be a little better if his cage were set not quite so near the menagerie.
That made it too easy for people to make their choice, to say nothing of what
he suffered from the stench of the menagerie, the animals' restlessness by
night, the carrying past of raw lumps of flesh for the beasts of prey, the
roaring at feeding times, which depressed him continually. But he did not dare
to lodge a complaint with the management; after all, he had the animals to
thank for the troops of people who passed his cage, among whom there might
always be one here and there to take an interest in him, and who could tell
where they might seclude him if he called attention to his existence and
thereby to the fact that, strictly speaking, he was only an impediment on the
way to the menagerie.
A small impediment, to be sure, one
that grew steadily less. People grew familiar with the strange idea that they
could be expected, in times like these, to take an interest in a hunger artist,
and with this familiarity the verdict went out against him. He might fast as
much as he could, and he did so; but nothing could save him now, people passed
him by. Just try to explain to anyone the art of fasting! Anyone who has no
feeling for it cannot be made to understand it. The fine placards grew dirty
and illegible, they were torn down; the little notice board telling the number
of fast days achieved, which at first was changed carefully every day, had long
stayed at the same figure, for after the first few weeks even this small task
seemed pointless to the staff; and so the artist simply fasted on and on, as he
had once dreamed of doing, and it was no trouble to him, just as he had always
foretold, but no one counted the days, no one, not even the artist himself,
knew what records he was already breaking, and his heart grew heavy. And when
once in a while some leisurely passer-by stopped, made merry over the old
figure on the board, and spoke of swindling, that was in its way the stupidest
lie ever invented by indifference and inborn malice, since it was not the
hunger artist who was cheating, he was working honestly, but the world was
cheating him of his reward.
Many more days went by, however, and
that too came to an end. An overseer's eye fell on the cage one day and he
asked the attendants why this perfectly good cage should be left standing there
unused with dirty straw inside it; nobody knew, until one man, helped out by
the notice board, remembered about the hunger artist. They poked into the straw
with sticks and found him in it. "Are you still fasting?" asked the
overseer, "when on earth do you mean to stop?" "Forgive me,
everybody," whispered the hunger artist; only the overseer, who had his
ear to the bars, understood him. "Of course," said the overseer, and
tapped his forehead with a finger to let the attendants know what state the man
was in, "we forgive you." "I always wanted you to admire my
fasting," said the hunger artist. "We do admire it," said the
overseer, affably. "But you shouldn't admire it," said the hunger
artist. "Well then we don't admire it," said the overseer, "but
why shouldn't we admire it?" "Because I have to fast, I can't help
it," said the hunger artist. "What a fellow you are," said the
overseer, "and why can't you help it?" "Because," said the
hunger artist, lifting his head a little and speaking, with his lips pursed, as
if for a kiss, right into the overseer's ear, so that no syllable might be
lost, "because I couldn't find the food I liked. If I had found it,
believe me, I should have made no fuss and stuffed myself like you or anyone
else." These were his last words, but in his dimming eyes remained the
firm though no longer proud persuasion that he was still continuing to fast.
"Well, clear this out
now!" said the overseer, and they buried the hunger artist, straw and all.
Into the cage they put a young panther. Even the most insensitive felt it
refreshing to see this wild creature leaping around the cage that had so long
been dreary. The panther was all right. The food he liked was brought him
without hesitation by the attendants; he seemed not even to miss his freedom;
his noble body, furnished almost to the bursting point with all that it needed,
seemed to carry freedom around with it too; somewhere in his jaws it seemed to
lurk; and the joy of life streamed with such ardent passion from his throat
that for the onlookers it was not easy to stand the shock of it. But they braced
themselves, crowded around the cage, and did not want ever to move away.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Investigations
of a Dog
How much my life has changed, and yet how unchanged it has
remained at bottom! When I think back and recall the time when I was still a
member of the canine community, sharing in all its preoccupations, a dog among
dogs, I find on closer examination that from the very beginning I sensed some
discrepancy, some little maladjustment, causing a slight feeling of discomfort
which not even the most decorous public functions could eliminate; more, that
sometimes, no, not sometimes, but very often, the mere look of some fellow dog
of my own circle that I was fond of, the mere look of him, as if I had just
caught it for the first time, would fill me with helpless embarrassment and
fear, even with despair. I tried to quiet my apprehensions as best I could;
friends, to whom I divulged them, helped me; more peaceful times came -- times,
it is true, in which these sudden surprises were not lacking, but in which they
were accepted with more philosophy, fitted into my life with more philosophy,
inducing a certain melancholy and lethargy, it may be, but nevertheless
allowing me to carry on as a somewhat cold, reserved, shy, and calculating, but
all things considered normal enough dog. How, indeed, without these breathing
spells, could I have reached the age that I enjoy at present; how could I have
fought my way through to the serenity with which I contemplate the terrors of
youth and endure the terrors of age; how could I have come to the point where I
am able to draw the consequences of my admittedly unhappy, or, to put it more
moderately, not very happy disposition, and live almost entirely in accordance
with them? Solitary and withdrawn, with nothing to occupy me save my hopeless
but, as far as I am concerned, indispensable little investigations, that is how
I live; yet in my distant isolation I have not lost sight of my people, news
often penetrates to me, and now and then I even let news of myself reach them.
The others treat me with respect but do not understand my way of life; yet they
bear me no grudge, and even young dogs whom I sometimes see passing in the
distance, a new generation of whose childhood I have only a vague memory, do
not deny me a reverential greeting.
For it must not be assumed that, for
all my peculiarities, which lie open to the day, I am so very different from
the rest of my species. Indeed when I reflect on it -- and I have time and
disposition and capacity enough for that -- I see that dogdom is in every way a
marvelous institution. Apart from us dogs there are all sorts of creatures in
the world, wretched, limited, dumb creatures who have no language but
mechanical cries; many of us dogs study them, have given them names, try to
help them, educate them, uplift them, and so on. For my part I am quite
indifferent to them except when they try to disturb me, I confuse them with one
another, I ignore them. But one thing is too obvious to have escaped me; namely
how little inclined they are, compared with us dogs, to stick together, how
silently and unfamiliarly and with what a curious hostility they pass each
other by, how only the basest of interests can bind them together for a little
in ostensible union, and how often these very interests give rise to hatred and
conflict. Consider us dogs, on the other hand! One can safely say that we all
live together in a literal heap, all of us, different as we are from one
another on account of numberless and profound modifications which have arisen
in the course of time. All in one heap! We are drawn to each other and nothing
can prevent us from satisfying that communal impulse; all our laws and
institutions, the few that I still know and the many that I have forgotten, go
back to this longing for the greatest bliss we are capable of, the warm comfort
of being together. But now consider the other side of the picture. No creatures
to my knowledge live in such wide dispersion as we dogs, none have so many
distinctions of class, of kind, of occupation, distinctions too numerous to
review at a glance; we, whose one desire is to stick together -- and again and
again we succeed at transcendent
moments in spite
of everything -- we above all
others live so widely separated from one another, engaged in strange vocations
that are often incomprehensible even to our canine neighbors, holding firmly to
laws that are not those of the dog world, but are actually directed against it.
How baffling these questions are, questions on which one would prefer not to
touch -- I understand that standpoint too, even better than my own -- and yet
questions to which I have completely capitulated. Why do I not do as the
others: live in harmony with my people and accept in silence whatever disturbs
the harmony, ignoring it as a small error in the great account, always keeping
in mind the things that bind us happily together, not those that drive us again
and again, as though by sheer force, out of our social circle?
I can recall an incident in my
youth; I was at the time in one of those inexplicable blissful states of
exaltation which everyone must have experienced as a child; I was still quite a
puppy, everything pleased me, everything was my concern. I believed that great
things were going on around me of which I was the leader and to which I must
lend my voice, things which must be wretchedly thrown aside if I did not run
for them and wag my tail for them -- childish fantasies that faded with riper
years. But at the time their power was very great, I was completely under their
spell, and presently something actually did happen, something so extraordinary
that it seemed to justify my wild expectations. In itself it was nothing very
extraordinary, for I have seen many such things, and more remarkable things too,
often enough since, but at the time it struck me with all the force of a first
impression, one of those impressions which can never be erased and influence
much of one's later conduct. I encountered, in short, a little company of dogs,
or rather I did not encounter them, they appeared before me. Before that I had
been running along in darkness for some time, filled with a premonition of
great things -- a premonition that may well have been delusive, for I always
had it. I had run in darkness for a long time, up and down, blind and deaf to
everything, led on by nothing but a vague desire, and now I suddenly came to a
stop with the feeling that I was in the right place, and looking up saw that it
was bright day, only a little hazy, and everywhere a blending and confusion of
the most intoxicating smells; I greeted the morning with an uncertain barking,
when -- as if I had conjured them up -- out of some place of darkness, to the
accompaniment of terrible sounds such as I had never heard before, seven dogs stepped
into the light. Had I not distinctly seen that they were dogs and that they,
themselves brought the sound with them -- though I could not recognize how they
produced it -- I would have run away at once; but as it was I stayed. At that
time I still knew hardly anything of the creative gift for music with which the
canine race alone is endowed, it had naturally enough escaped my but slowly
developing powers of observation; for though music had surrounded me as a
perfectly natural and indispensable element of existence ever since I was a
suckling, an element which nothing impelled me to distinguish from the rest of
existence, my elders had drawn my attention to it only by such hints as were
suitable for a childish understanding; all the more astonishing, then, indeed
devastating, were these seven great musical artists to me. They did not speak,
they did not sing, they remained generally silent, almost determinedly silent;
but from the empty air they conjured music. Everything was music, the lifting
and setting down of their feet, certain turns of the head, their running and
their standing still, the positions they took up in relation to one another,
the symmetrical patterns which they produced by one dog setting his front paws
on the back of another and the rest following suit until the first bore the
weight of the other six, or by all lying flat on the ground and going through
complicated concerted evolutions; and none made a false move, not even the last
dog, though he was a little unsure, did not always establish contact at once
with the others, sometimes hesitated, as it were, on the stroke of the beat,
but yet was unsure only by comparison with the superb sureness of the others,
and even if he had been much more unsure, indeed quite unsure, would not have
been able to do any harm, the others, great masters all of them, keeping the
rhythm so unshakably. But it is too much to say that I even saw them, that I
actually even saw them. They appeared from somewhere, I inwardly greeted them
as dogs, and although I was profoundly confused by the sounds that accompanied
them, yet they were dogs nevertheless, dogs like you and me; I regarded them by
force of habit simply as dogs I had happened to meet on my road, and felt a
wish to approach them and exchange greetings; they were quite near too, dogs
much older than me, certainly, and not of my woolly, long-haired kind, but yet
not so very alien in size and shape, indeed quite familiar to me, for I had
already seen many such or similar dogs; but while I was still involved in these
reflections the music gradually got the upper hand, literally knocked the
breath out of me and swept me far away from those actual little dogs, and quite
against my will, while I howled as if some pain were being inflicted upon me,
my mind could attend to nothing but this blast of music which seemed to come
from all sides, from the heights, from the deeps, from everywhere, surrounding
the listener, overwhelming him, crushing him, and over his swooning body still
blowing fanfares so near that they seemed far away and almost inaudible. And
then a respite came, for one was already too exhausted, too annulled, too
feeble to listen any longer; a respite came and I beheld again the seven little
dogs carrying out their evolutions, making their leaps; I longed to shout to
them in spite of their aloofness, to beg them to enlighten me, to ask them what
they were doing -- I was a child and believed I could ask anybody about
anything -- but hardly had I begun, hardly did I feel on good and familiar
doggish terms with the seven, when the music started again, robbed me of my
wits, whirled me around in its circles as if I myself were one of the musicians
instead of being only their victim, cast me hither and thither, no matter how
much I begged for mercy, and rescued me finally from its own violence by
driving me into a labyrinth of wooden bars which rose around that place, though
I had not noticed it before, but which now firmly caught me, kept my head
pressed to the ground, and though the music still resounded in the open space
behind me, gave me a little time to get my breath back. I must admit that I was
less surprised by the artistry of the seven dogs -- it was incomprehensible to
me, and also quite definitely beyond my capacities -- than by their courage in
facing so openly the music of their own making, and their power to endure it
calmly without collapsing. But now from my hiding hole I saw, on looking more
closely, that it was not so much coolness as the most extreme tension that
characterized their performance; these limbs apparently so sure in their
movements quivered at every step with a perpetual apprehensive twitching; as if
rigid with despair the dogs kept their eyes fixed on one another, and their
tongues, whenever the tension weakened for a moment, hung wearily from their
jowls. It could not be fear of failure that agitated them so deeply; dogs that
could dare and achieve such things had no need to fear that. Then why were they
afraid? Who then forced them to do what they were doing? And I could no longer
restrain myself, particularly as they now seemed in some incomprehensible way
in need of help, and so through all the din of the music I shouted out my
questions loudly and challengingly. But they -- incredible! incredible! -- they
never replied, behaved as if I were not there. Dogs who make no reply to the
greeting of other dogs are guilty of an offense against good manners which the
humblest dog would never pardon any more than the greatest. Perhaps they were
not dogs at all? But how should they not be dogs? Could I not actually hear on
listening more closely the subdued cries with which they encouraged each other,
drew each other's attention to difficulties, warned each other against errors;
could I not see the last and youngest dog, to whom most of those cries were
addressed, often stealing a glance at me as if he would have dearly wished to
reply, but refrained because it was not allowed? But why should it not be
allowed, why should the very thing which our laws unconditionally command not
be allowed in this one case? I became indignant at the thought and almost
forgot the music. Those dogs were violating the law. Great magicians they might
be, but the law was valid for them too, I knew that quite well though I was a
child. And having recognized that, I now noticed something else. They had good
grounds for remaining silent, that is, assuming that they remained silent from
a sense of shame. For how were they conducting themselves? Because of all the
music I had not noticed it before, but they had flung away all shame, the
wretched creatures were doing the very thing which is both most ridiculous and
indecent in our eyes; they were walking on their hind legs. Fie on them! They
were uncovering their nakedness, blatantly making a show of their nakedness:
they were doing that as though it were a meritorious act, and when, obeying
their better instincts for a moment, they happened to let their front paws
fall, they were literally appalled as if at an error, as if Nature were an
error, hastily raised their legs again, and their eyes seemed to be begging for
forgiveness for having been forced to cease momentarily from their abomination.
Was the world standing on its head? Where could I be? What could have happened?
If only for my own sake I dared not hesitate any longer now, I dislodged myself
from the tangle of bars, took one leap into the open and made toward the dogs
-- I, the young pupil, must be the teacher now, must make them understand what
they were doing, must keep them from committing further sin. "And old dogs
too! And old dogs too!" I kept on saying to myself. But scarcely was I
free and only a leap or two away from the dogs, when the music again had me in
its power. Perhaps in my eagerness I might even have managed to withstand it,
for I knew it better now, if in the midst of all its majestic amplitude, which
was terrifying, but still not inconquerable, a clear, piercing, continuous note
which came without variation literally from the remotest distance -- perhaps
the real melody in the midst of the music -- had not now rung out, forcing me
to my knees. Oh, the music these dogs made almost drove me out of my senses! I
could not move a step farther, I no longer wanted to instruct them; they could
go on raising their front legs, committing sin and seducing others to the sin
of silently regarding them; I was such a young dog -- who could demand such a
difficult task from me? I made myself still more insignificant than I was, I
whimpered, and if the dogs had asked me now what I thought of their performance,
probably I would have had not a word to say against it. Besides, it was not
long before the dogs vanished with all their music and their radiance into the
darkness from which they had emerged.
As I have already said, this whole
episode contains nothing of much note; in the course of a long life one
encounters all sorts of things which, taken from their context and seen through
the eyes of a child, might well seem far more astonishing. Besides, one may, of
course -- in the pungent popular phrase -- have "got it all wrong,"
as well as everything connected with it; then it could be demonstrated
that this was simply a case where seven musicians had assembled to practice
their art in the morning stillness, that a very young dog had strayed to the
place, a burdensome intruder whom they had tried to drive away by particularly
terrifying or lofty music, unfortunately without success. He pestered them with
his questions: Were they, already disturbed enough by the mere presence of the
stranger, to be expected to attend to his distracting interruptions as well and
make them worse by responding to them? Even if the law commands us to reply to
everybody, was such a tiny stray dog in truth a somebody worthy of the name?
And perhaps they did not even understand him, for he likely enough barked his
questions very indistinctly. Or perhaps they did understand him and with great
self-control answered his questions, but he, a mere puppy unaccustomed to
music, could not distinguish the answer from the music. And as for walking on
their hind legs, perhaps, unlike other dogs, they actually used only these for
walking; if it was a sin, well, it was a sin. But they were alone, seven
friends together, an intimate gathering within their own four walls so to
speak, quite private so to speak; for one's friends, after all, are not the
public, and where the public is not present an inquisitive little street dog is
certainly not capable of constituting it; but, granting this, is it not as if
nothing at all had happened? It is not quite so, but very nearly so, and
parents should not let their children run about so freely, and had much better
teach them to hold their tongues and respect the aged.
If all this is admitted, then it
disposes of the whole case. But many things that are disposed of in the minds
of grownups are not yet settled in the minds of the young. I rushed about, told
my story, asked questions, made accusations and investigations, tried to drag others
to the place where all this had happened, and burned to show everybody where I
had stood and where the seven had stood, and where and how they had danced and
made their music; and if anyone had come with me, instead of shaking me off and
laughing at me, I would probably have sacrificed my innocence and tried myself
to stand on my hind legs so as to reconstruct the scene clearly. Now children
are blamed for all they do, but also in the last resort forgiven for all they
do. And I have preserved my childlike qualities, and in spite of that have
grown to be an old dog. Well, just as at that time I kept on unceasingly
discussing the foregoing incident -- which today I must confess I lay far less
importance upon -- analyzing it into constituent parts, arguing it with my
listeners without regard to the company I found myself in, devoting my whole
time to the problem, which I found as wearisome as everybody else, but which --
that was the difference -- for that very reason I was resolved to pursue
indefatigably until I solved it, so that I might be left free again to regard
the ordinary, calm, happy life of every day. Just so have I, though with less
childish means -- yet the difference is not so very great -- labored in the
years since and go on laboring today.
But it began with that concert. I do
not blame the concert; it is my innate disposition that has driven me on, and
it would certainly have found some other opportunity of coming into action had
the concert never taken place. Yet the fact that it happened so soon used to
make me feel sorry for myself; it robbed me of a great part of my childhood;
the blissful life of the young dog, which many can spin out for years, in my
case lasted for only a few short months. So be it. There are more important
things than childhood. And perhaps I have the prospect of far more childlike
happiness, earned by a life of hard work, in my old age than any actual child
would have the strength to bear, but which then I shall possess.
I began my inquiries with the
simplest things; there was no lack of material; it is the actual
superabundance, unfortunately, that casts me into despair in my darker hours. I
began to inquire into the question what the canine race nourished itself upon.
Now that is, if you like, by no means a simple question, of course; it has
occupied us since the dawn of time, it is the chief object of all our
meditation, countless observations and essays and views on this subject have
been published, it has grown into a province of knowledge which in its prodigious
compass is not only beyond the comprehension of any single scholar, but of all
our scholars collectively, a burden which cannot be borne except by the whole
of the dog community, and even then with difficulty and not quite in its
totality; for it ever and again crumbles away like a neglected ancestral
inheritance and must laboriously be rehabilitated anew -- not to speak at all
of the difficulties and almost unfulfillable conditions of my investigation. No
one need point all this out to me, I know it all as well as any average dog; I
have no ambition to meddle with real scientific matters, I have all the respect
for knowledge that it deserves, but to increase knowledge I lack the equipment,
the diligence, the leisure, and -- not least, and particularly during the past
few years -- the desire as well. I swallow down my food, but the slightest
preliminary methodical politico-economical observation of it does not seem to
me worth while. In this connection the essence of all knowledge is enough for
me, the simple rule with which the mother weans her young ones from her teats
and sends them out into the world: "Water the ground as much as you
can." And in this sentence is not almost everything contained? What has
scientific inquiry, ever since our first fathers inaugurated it, of decisive
importance to add to this? Mere details, mere details, and how uncertain they
are: but this rule will remain as long as we are dogs. It concerns our main
staple of food: true, we have also other resources, but only at a pinch, and if
the year is not too bad we could live on this main staple of our food; this
food we find on the earth, but the earth needs our water to nourish it and only
at that price provides us with our food, the emergence of which, however, and
this should not be forgotten, can also be hastened by certain spells, songs,
and ritual movements. But in my opinion that is all; there is nothing else that
is fundamental to be said on the question. In this opinion, moreover, I am at
one with the vast majority of the dog community, and must firmly dissociate
myself from all heretical views on this point. Quite honestly I have no
ambition to be peculiar, or to pose as being in the right against the majority;
I am only too happy when I can agree with my comrades, as I do in this case. My
own inquiries, however, are in another direction. My personal observation tells
me that the earth, when it is watered and scratched according to the rules of
science, extrudes nourishment, and moreover in such quality, in such abundance,
in such ways, in such places, at such hours as the laws partially or completely
established by science demand. I accept all this; my question, however, is the
following: "Whence does the earth procure this food?" A question
which people in general pretend not to understand, and to which the best answer
they can give is: "If you haven't enough to eat, we'll give you some of
ours." Now consider this answer. I know that it is not one of the virtues
of dogdom to share with others food that one has once gained possession of.
Life is hard, the earth stubborn, science rich in knowledge but poor in
practical results: anyone who has food keeps it to himself; that is not
selfishness, but the opposite, dog law, the unanimous decision of the people,
the outcome of their victory over egoism, for the possessors are always in a
minority. And for that reason this answer: "If you haven't enough to eat,
we'll give you some of ours" is merely a way of speaking, a jest, a form
of raillery. I have not forgotten that. But all the more significant did it
seem to me, when I was rushing about everywhere with my questions during those
days, that they put mockery aside as far as I was concerned; true, they did not
actually give me anything to eat -- where could they have found it at a moment's
notice? -- and even if anyone chanced to have some food, naturally he forgot
everything else in the fury of his hunger; yet they all seriously meant what
they said when they made the offer, and here and there, right enough, I was
presently allowed some slight trifle if I was only smart enough to snatch it
quickly. How came it that people treated me so strangely, pampered me, favored
me? Because I was a lean dog, badly fed and neglectful of my needs? But there
were countless badly fed dogs running about, and the others snatched even the
wretchedest scrap from under their noses whenever they could, and often not
from greed, but rather on principle. No, they treated me with special favor; I
cannot give much detailed proof of this, but I have a firm conviction that it
was so. Was it my questions, then, that pleased them, and that they regarded as
so clever? No, my questions did not please them and were generally looked on as
stupid. And yet it could only have been my questions that won me their
attention. It was as if they would rather do the impossible, that is, stop my
mouth with food -- they did not do it, but they would have liked to do it --
than endure my questions. But in that case they would have done better to drive
me away and refuse to listen to my questions. No, they did not want to do that;
they did not indeed want to listen to my questions, but it was because I asked
these questions that they did not want to drive me away. That was the time --
much as I was ridiculed and treated as a silly puppy, and pushed here and
pushed there -- the time when I actually enjoyed most public esteem; never
again was I to enjoy anything like it; I had free entry everywhere, no obstacle
was put in my way, I was actually flattered, though the flattery was disguised
as rudeness. And all really because of my questions, my impatience, my thirst
for knowledge. Did they want to lull me to sleep, to divert me, without
violence, almost lovingly, from a false path, yet a path whose falseness was
not so completely beyond all doubt that violence was permissible? Also a
certain respect and fear kept them from employing violence. I divined even in
those days something of this; today I know it quite well, far better than those
who actually practiced it at the time: what they wanted to do was really to
divert me from my path. They did not succeed; they achieved the opposite; my
vigilance was sharpened. More, it became clear to me that it was I who was
trying to seduce the others, and that I was actually successful up to a certain
point. Only with the assistance of the whole dog world could I begin to
understand my own questions. For instance when I asked: "Whence does the
earth procure this food?" was I troubled, as appearances might quite well
indicate, about the earth; was I troubled about the labors of the earth? Not in
the least; that, as I very soon recognized, was far from my mind; all that I
cared for was the race of dogs, that and nothing else. For what is there
actually except our own species? To whom but it can one appeal in the wide and
empty world? All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers, is
contained in the dog. If one could but realize this knowledge, if one could but
bring it into the light of day, if we dogs would but own that we know
infinitely more than we admit to ourselves! Even the most loquacious dog is
more secretive of his knowledge than the places where good food can be found.
Trembling with desire, whipping yourself with your own tail, you steal
cautiously upon your fellow dog, you ask, you beg, you howl, you bite, and
achieve -- and achieve what you could have achieved just as well without any
effort: amiable attention, friendly contiguity, honest acceptance, ardent
embraces, barks that mingle as one: everything is directed toward achieving an
ecstasy, a forgetting and finding again; but the one thing that you long to win
above all, the admission of knowledge, remains denied to you. To such prayers,
whether silent or loud, the only answers you get, even after you have employed
your powers of seduction to the utmost, are vacant stares, averted glances,
troubled and veiled eyes. It is much the same as it was when, a mere puppy, I
shouted to the dog musicians and they remained silent.
Now one might say: "You
complain about your fellow dogs, about their silence on crucial questions; you
assert that they know more than they admit, more than they will allow to be
valid, and that this silence, the mysterious reason for which is also, of
course, tacitly concealed, poisons existence and makes it unendurable for you,
so that you must either alter it or have done with it; that may be; but you are
yourself a dog, you have also the dog knowledge; well, bring it out, not merely
in the form of a question, but as an answer. If you utter it, who will think of
opposing you? The great choir of dogdom will join in as if it had been waiting
for you. Then you will have clarity, truth, avowal, as much of them as you
desire. The roof of this wretched life, of which you say so many hard things,
will burst open, and all of us, shoulder to shoulder, will ascend into the
lofty realm of freedom. And if we should not achieve that final consummation,
if things should become worse than before, if the whole truth should be more
insupportable than the half-truth, if it should be proved that the silent are
in the right as the guardians of existence, if the faint hope that we still
possess should give way to complete hopelessness, the attempt is still worth
the trial, since you do not desire to live as you are compelled to live. Well,
then, why do you make it a reproach against the others that they are silent,
and remain silent yourself?" Easy to answer: Because I am a dog; in
essentials just as locked in silence as the others, stubbornly resisting my own
questions, dour out of fear. To be precise, is it in the hope that they might
answer me that I have questioned my fellow dogs, at least since my adult years?
Have I any such foolish hope? Can I contemplate the foundations of our
existence, divine their profundity, watch the labor of their construction, that
dark labor, and expect all this to be forsaken, neglected, undone, simply
because I ask a question? No, that I truly expect no longer. I understand my
fellow dogs, am flesh of their flesh, of their miserable, ever-renewed, ever-desirous
flesh. But it is not merely flesh and blood that we have in common, but
knowledge also, and not only knowledge, but the key to it as well. I do not
possess that key except in common with all the others; I cannot grasp it
without their help. The hardest bones, containing the richest marrow, can be
conquered only by a united crunching of all the teeth of all dogs. That of
course is only a figure of speech and exaggerated; if all teeth were but ready
they would not need even to bite, the bones would crack themselves and the
marrow would be freely accessible to the feeblest of dogs. If I remain faithful
to this metaphor, then the goal of my aims, my questions, my inquiries, appears
monstrous, it is true. For I want to compel all dogs thus to assemble together,
I want the bones to crack open under the pressure of their collective
preparedness, and then I want to dismiss them to the ordinary life that they
love, while all by myself, quite alone, I lap up the marrow. That sounds
monstrous, almost as if I wanted to feed on the marrow, not merely of a bone,
but of the whole canine race itself. But it is only a metaphor. The marrow that
I am discussing here is no food; on the contrary, it is a poison.
My questions only serve as a goad to
myself; I only want to be stimulated by the silence which rises up around me as
the ultimate answer. "How long will you be able to endure the fact that
the world of dogs, as your researches make more and more evident, is pledged to
silence and always will be? How long will you be able to endure it?" That
is the real great question of my life, before which all smaller ones sink into
insignificance; it is put to myself alone and concerns no one else.
Unfortunately I can answer it more easily than the smaller, specific questions:
I shall probably hold out till my natural end; the calm of old age will put up
a greater and greater resistance to all disturbing questions. I shall very
likely die in silence and surrounded by silence, indeed almost peacefully, and
I look forward to that with composure. An admirably strong heart, lungs that it
is impossible to use up before their time, have been given to us dogs as if in
malice; we survive all questions, even our own, bulwarks of silence that we
are.
Recently I have taken more and more
to casting up my life, looking for the decisive, the fundamental, error that I
must surely have made; and I cannot find it. And yet I must have made it, for
if I had not made it and yet were unable by the diligent labor of a long life
to achieve my desire, that would prove that my desire is impossible, and
complete hopelessness must follow. Behold, then, the work of a lifetime. First
of all my inquiries into the question: Whence does the earth procure the food
it gives us? A young dog, at bottom naturally greedy for life, I renounced all
enjoyments, apprehensively avoided all pleasures, buried my head between my
front paws when I was confronted by temptation, and addressed myself to my
task. I was no scholar, neither in the information I acquired, nor in method, nor
in intention. That was probably a defect, but it could not have been a decisive
one. I had had little schooling, for I left my mother's care at an early age,
soon got used to independence, led a free life; and premature independence is
inimical to systematic learning. But I have seen much, listened to much, spoken
with dogs of all sorts and conditions, understood everything, I believe, fairly
intelligently, and correlated my particular observations fairly intelligently;
that has compensated somewhat for my lack of scholarship, not to mention that
independence, if it is a disadvantage in learning things, is an actual
advantage when one is making one's own inquiries. In my case it was all the
more necessary as I was not able to employ the real method of science, to avail
myself, that is, of the labors of my predecessors, and establish contact with
contemporary investigators. I was entirely cast on my own resources, began at
the very beginning, and with the consciousness, inspiriting to youth, but
utterly crushing to age, that the fortuitous point to which I carried my labors
must also be the final one. Was I really so alone in my inquiries, at the
beginning and up to now? Yes and no. It is inconceivable that there must not
always have been and that there are not today individual dogs in the same case
as myself. I cannot be so accursed as that. I do not deviate from the dog
nature by a hairbreadth. Every dog has like me the impulse to question, and I
have like every dog the impulse not to answer. Everyone has the impulse to
question. How otherwise could my questions have affected my hearers in the
slightest -- and they were often affected, to my ecstatic delight, an
exaggerated delight, I must confess -- and how otherwise could I have been
prevented from achieving much more than I have done? And that I have the
compulsion to remain silent needs unfortunately no particular proof. I am at
bottom, then, no different from any other dog; everybody, no matter how he may
differ in opinion from me and reject my views, will gladly admit that, and I in
turn will admit as much of any other dog. Only the mixture of the elements is
different, a difference very important for the individual, insignificant for
the race. And now can one credit that the composition of these available
elements has never chanced through all the past and present to result in a
mixture similar to mine, one, moreover, if mine be regarded as unfortunate,
more unfortunate still? To think so would be contrary to all experience. We
dogs are all engaged in the strangest occupations, occupations in which one
would refuse to believe if one had not the most reliable information concerning
them. The best example that I can quote is that of the soaring dog. The first
time I heard of one I laughed and simply refused to believe it. What? One was
asked to believe that there was a very tiny species of dog, not much bigger
than my head even when it was full grown, and this dog, who must of course be a
feeble creature, an artificial, weedy, brushed and curled fop by all accounts,
incapable of making an honest jump, this dog was supposed, according to
people's stories, to remain for the most part high up in the air, apparently
doing nothing at all but simply resting there? No, to try to make me swallow
such things was exploiting the
simplicity of a young dog too outrageously, I told myself. But shortly
afterwards I heard from another source an account of another soaring dog. Could
there be a conspiracy to fool me? But after that I saw the dog musicians with
my own eyes, and from that day I considered everything possible, no prejudices
fettered my powers of apprehension, I investigated the most senseless rumors,
following them as far as they could take me, and the most senseless seemed to
me in this senseless world more probable than the sensible, and moreover
particularly fertile for investigation. So it was too with the soaring dogs. I
discovered a great many things about them; true, I have succeeded to this day
in seeing none of them, but of their existence I have been firmly convinced for
a long time, and they occupy an important place in my picture of the world. As
usual, it is not, of course, their technique that chiefly gives me to think. It
is wonderful -- who can gainsay it? -- that these dogs should be able to float
in the air: in my amazed admiration for that I am at one with my fellow dogs.
But far more strange to my mind is the senselessness, the dumb senselessness of
these existences. They have no relation whatever to the general life of the
community, they hover in the air, and that is all, and life goes on its usual
way; someone now and then refers to art and artists, but there it ends. But
why, my good dogs, why on earth do these dogs float in the air? What sense is
there in their occupation? Why can one get no word of explanation regarding
them? Why do they hover up there, letting their legs, the pride of dogs, fall
into desuetude, preserving a detachment from the nourishing earth, reaping
without having sowed, being particularly well provided for, as I hear, and at
the cost of the dog community too. I can flatter myself that my inquiries into
these matters made some stir. People began to investigate after a fashion, to
collect data; they made a beginning, at least, although they are never likely
to go farther. But after all that is sornething. And though the truth will not
be discovered by such means -- never can that stage be reached -- yet they
throw light on some of the profounder ramifications of falsehood. For all the
senseless phenomena of our existence, and the most senseless most of all, are
susceptible to investigation. Not completely, of course -- that is the
diabolical jest -- but sufficiently to spare one painful questions. Take the
soaring dogs once more as an example; they are not haughty as one might imagine
at first, but rather particularly dependent upon their fellow dogs; if one
tries to put oneself in their place one will see that. For they must do what
they can to obtain pardon, and not openly -- that would be a violation of the
obligation to keep silence -- they must do what they can to obtain pardon for
their way of life, or else divert attention from it so that it may be forgotten
-- and they do this, I have been told, by means of an almost unendurable
volubility. They are perpetually talking, partly of their philosophical
reflections, with which, seeing that they have completely renounced bodily
exertion, they can continuously occupy themselves, partly of the observations
which they have made from their exalted stations; and although, as is very
understandable considering their lazy existence, they are not much
distinguished for intellectual power, and their philosophy is as worthless as
their observations, and science can make hardly any use of their utterances,
and besides is not reduced to draw assistance from such wretched sources,
nevertheless if one asks what the soaring dogs are really doing one will
invariably receive the reply that they contribute a great deal to knowledge.
"That is true," remarks someone, "but their contributions are worthless
and wearisome." The reply to that is a shrug, or a change of the subject,
or annoyance, or laughter, and in a little while, when you ask again, you learn
once more that they contribute to knowledge, and finally when you are asked the
question you yourself will reply -- if you are not careful -- to the same
effect. And perhaps indeed it is well not to be too obstinate, but to yield to
public sentiment, to accept the extant soaring dogs, and without recognizing
their right to existence, which cannot be done, yet to tolerate them. But more
than this must not be required; that would be going too far, and yet the demand
is made. We are perpetually being asked to put up with new soaring dogs who are
always appearing. One does not even know where they come from. Do these dogs
multiply by propagation? Have they actually the strength for that? -- for they
are nothing much more than a beautiful coat of hair, and what is there in that
to propagate? But even if that improbable contingency were possible, when could
it take place? For they are invariably seen alone, self-complacently floating
high up in the air, and if once in a while they descend to take a run, it lasts
only for a minute or two, a few mincing struts and also always in strict
solitude, absorbed in what is supposed to be profound thought, from which, even
when they exert themselves to the utmost, they cannot tear themselves free, or
at least so they say. But if they do not propagate their kind, is it credible
that there can be dogs who voluntarily give up life on the solid ground,
voluntarily become soaring dogs, and merely for the sake of the comfort and a
certain technical accomplishment choose that empty life on cushions up there?
It is unthinkable; neither propagation nor voluntary transition is thinkable.
The facts, however, show that there are always new soaring dogs in evidence;
from which one must conclude that, in spite of obstacles which appear
insurmountable to our understanding, no dog species, however curious, ever dies
out, once it exists, or, at least, not without a tough struggle, not without
being capable of putting up a successful defense for a long time.
But if that is valid for such an
out-of-the-way, externally odd, inefficient species as the soaring dog, must I
not also accept it as valid for mine? Besides, I am not in the least queer
outwardly; an ordinary middle-class dog such as is very prevalent, in this
neighborhood, at least, I am neither particularly exceptional in any way, nor
particularly repellent in any way; and in nay youth and to some extent also in
maturity, so long as I attended to my appearance and had lots of exercise, I
was actually considered a very handsome dog. My front view was particularly
admired, my slim legs, the fine set of my head; but my silvery white and yellow
coat, which curled only at the hair tips, was very pleasing too; in all that
there was nothing strange; the only strange thing about me is my nature, yet
even that, as I am always careful to remember, has its foundation in universal
dog nature. Now if not even the soaring dogs live in isolation, but invariably
manage to encounter their fellows somewhere or other in the great dog world,
and even to conjure new generations of themselves out of nothingness, then I
too can live in the confidence that I am not quite forlorn. Certainly the fate
of types like mine must be a strange one, and the existence of my colleagues
can never be of visible help to me, if for no other reason than that I should
scarcely ever be able to recognize them. We are the dogs who are crushed by the
silence, who long to break through it, literally to get a breath of fresh air;
the others seem to thrive on silence: true, that is only so in appearance, as
in the case of the musical dogs, who ostensibly were quite calm when they played,
but in reality were in a state of intense excitement; nevertheless the illusion
is very strong, one tries to make a breach in it, but it mocks every attempt.
What help, then, do my colleagues find? What kind of attempts do they make to
manage to go on living in spite of everything? These attempts may be of various
kinds. My own bout of questioning while I was young was one. So I thought that
perhaps if I associated with those who asked many questions I might find my
real comrades. Well, I did so for some time, with great self-control, a
self-control made necessary by the annoyance I felt when I was interrupted by
perpetual questions that I mostly could not answer myself: for the only thing
that concerns me is to obtain answers. Moreover, who but is eager to ask
questions when he is young, and how, when so many questions are going about,
are you to pick out the right questions? One question sounds like another; it
is the intention that counts, but that is often hidden even from the
questioner. And besides, it is a peculiarity of dogs to be always asking
questions, they ask them confusedly all together; it is as if in doing that
they were trying to obliterate every trace of the genuine questions. No, my
real colleagues are not to be found among the youthful questioners, and just as
little among the old and silent, to whom I now belong. But what good are all
these questions, for they have failed me completely; apparently my colleagues
are cleverer dogs than I, and have recourse to other excellent methods that
enable them to bear this life, methods which, nevertheless, as I can tell from
my own experience, though they may perhaps help at a pinch, though they may
calm, lull to rest, distract, are yet on the whole as impotent as my own, for,
no matter where I look, I can see no sign of their success. I am afraid that
the last thing by which I can hope to recognize my real colleagues is their
success. But where, then, are my real colleagues? Yes, that is the burden of my
complaint; that is the kernel of it. Where are they? Everywhere and nowhere.
Perhaps my next-door neighbor, only three jumps away, is one of them; we often
bark across to each other, he calls on me sometimes too, though I do not call
on him. Is he my real colleague? I do not know, I certainly see no sign of it
in him, but it is possible. It is possible, but all the same nothing is more
improbable. When he is away I can amuse myself, drawing on my fancy, by
discovering in him many things that have a suspicious resemblance to myself;
but once he stands before me all my fancies become ridiculous. An old dog, a
little smaller even than myself -- and I am hardly medium size -- brown,
short-haired, with a tired hang of the head and a shuffling gait; on top of all
this he trails his left hind leg behind him a little because of some disease.
For a long time now I have been more intimate with him than with anybody else;
I am glad to say that I can still get on tolerably well with him, and when he
goes away I shout the most friendly greetings after him, though not out of
affection, but in anger at myself; for if I follow him I find him just as
disgusting again, slinking along there with his trailing leg and his much too
low hindquarters. Sometimes it seems to me as if I were trying to humiliate
myself by thinking of him as my colleague. Nor in our talks does he betray any
trace of similarity of thought; true, he is clever and cultured enough as these
things go here, and I could learn much from him; but is it for cleverness and
culture that I am looking? We converse usually about local questions, and I am
astonished -- my isolation has made me more clear-sighted in such matters --
how much intelligence is needed even by an ordinary dog even in average and not
unfavorable circumstances, if he is to live out his life and defend himself
against the greater of life's customary dangers. True, knowledge provides the
rules one must follow, but even to grasp them imperfectly and in rough outline
is by no means easy, and when one has actually grasped them the real difficulty
still remains, namely to apply them to local conditions -- here almost nobody
can help, almost every hour brings new tasks, and every new patch of earth its
specific problems; no one can maintain that he has settled everything for good
and that henceforth his life will go on, so to speak, of itself, not even I
myself, though my needs shrink literally from day to day. And all this
ceaseless labor -- to what end? Merely to entomb oneself deeper and deeper in
silence, it seems, so deep that one can never be dragged out of it again by
anybody.
People often praise the universal
progress made by the dog community throughout the ages, and probably mean by
that more particularly the progress in knowledge. Certainly knowledge is
progressing, its advance is irresistible, it actually progresses at an
accelerating speed, always faster, but what is there to praise in that? It is
as if one were to praise someone because with the years he grows older, and in
consequence comes nearer and nearer to death with increasing speed. That is a
natural and moreover an ugly process, in which I find nothing to praise. I can
only see decline everywhere, in saying which, however, I do not mean that
earlier generations were essentially better than ours, but only younger; that
was their great advantage, their memory was not so overburdened as ours today,
it was easier to get them to speak out, and even if nobody actually succeeded
in doing that, the possibility of it was greater, and it is indeed this greater
sense of possibility that moves us so deeply when we listen to those old and
strangely simple stories. Here and there we catch a curiously significant
phrase and we would almost like to leap to our feet, if we did not feel the
weight of centuries upon us. No, whatever objection I may have to my age,
former generations were not better, indeed in a sense they were far worse, far
weaker. Even in those days wonders did not openly walk the streets for anyone
to seize; but all the same, dogs -- I cannot put it in any other way -- had not
yet become so doggish as today, the edifice of dogdom was still loosely put
together, the true Word could still have intervened, planning or replanning the
structure, changing it at will, transforming it into its opposite; and the Word
was there, was very near at least, on the tip of everybody's tongue, anyone
might have hit upon it. And what has become of it today? Today one may pluck
out one's very heart and not find it. Our generation is lost, it may be, but it
is more blameless than those earlier ones. I can understand the hesitation of
my generation, indeed it is no longer mere hesitation; it is the thousandth
forgetting of a dream dreamt a thousand times and forgotten a thousand times;
and who can damn us merely for forgetting for the thousandth time? But I fancy
I understand the hesitation of our forefathers too, we would probably have
acted just as they did; indeed I could almost say: well for us that it was not
we who had to take the guilt upon us, that instead we can hasten in almost
guiltless silence toward death in a world darkened by others. When our first
fathers strayed they had doubtless scarcely any notion that their aberration
was to be an endless one, they could still literally see the crossroads, it
seemed an easy matter to turn back whenever they pleased, and if they hesitated
to turn back it was merely because they wanted to enjoy a dog's life for a
little while longer; it was not yet a genuine dog's life, and already it seemed
intoxicatingly beautiful to them, so what must it become in a little while, a
very little while, and so they strayed farther. They did not know what we can
now guess at, contemplating the course of history: that change begins in the
soul before it appears in ordinary existence, and that, when they began to
enjoy a dog's life, they must already have possessed real old dogs' souls, and
were by no means so near their starting point as they thought, or as their eyes
feasting on all doggish joys tried to persuade them. But who can still speak of
youth today? These were the really young dogs, but their sole ambition
unfortunately was to become old dogs, truly a thing which they could not fail
to achieve, as all succeeding generations show, and ours, the last, most
clearly of all.
Naturally I do not talk to my
neighbor of these things, but often I cannot but think of them when I am
sitting opposite him -- that typical old dog -- or bury my nose in his coat,
which already has a whiff of the smell of cast-off hides. To talk to him, or
even to any of the others, about such things would be pointless. I know what
course the conversation would take. He
would urge a slight objection now and then, but finally he would agree --
agreement is the best weapon of defense -- and the matter would be buried: why
indeed trouble to exhume it at all? And in spite of this there is a profounder
understanding between my neighbor and me, going deeper than mere words. I shall
never cease to maintain that, though I have no proof of it and perhaps am
merely suffering from an ordinary delusion, caused by the fact that for a long
time this dog has been the only one with whom I have held any communication,
and so I am bound to cling to him. "Are you after all my colleague in your
own fashion? And ashamed because everything has miscarried with you? Look, the
same fate has been mine. When I am alone I weep over it; come, it is sweeter to
weep in company." I often have such thoughts as these and then I give him
a prolonged look. He does not lower his glance, but neither can one read
anything from it; he gazes at me dully, wondering why I am silent and why I
have broken off the conversation. But perhaps that very glance is his way of
questioning me, and I disappoint him just as he disappoints me. In my youth, if
other problems had not been more important to me then, and I had not been
perfectly satisfied with my own company, I would probably have asked him
straight out and received an answer flatly agreeing with me, and that would
have been worse even than today's silence. But is not everybody silent exactly
in the same way? What is there to prevent me from believing that everyone is my
colleague, instead of thinking that I have only one or two fellow inquirers --
lost and forgotten along with their petty achievements, so that I can never
reach them by any road through the darkness of ages or the confused throng of
the present: why not believe that all dogs from the beginning of time have been
my colleagues, all diligent in their own way, all unsuccessful in their own
way, all silent or falsely garrulous in their own way, as hopeless research is
apt to make one? But in that case I need not have severed myself from my
fellows at all, I could have remained quietly among the others, I had no need
to fight my way out like a stubborn child through the closed ranks of the grownups,
who indeed wanted as much as I to find a way out, and who seemed
incomprehensible to me simply because of their knowledge, which told them that
nobody could ever escape and that it was stupid to use force.
Such ideas, however, are definitely
due to the influence of my neighbor; he confuses me, he fills me with
dejection; and yet in himself he is happy enough, at least when he is in his
own quarters I often hear him shouting and singing; it is really unbearable. It
would be a good thing to renounce this last tie also, to cease giving way to
the vague dreams which all contact with dogs unavoidably provokes, no matter
how hardened one may consider oneself, and to employ the short time that still
remains for me exclusively in prosecuting my researches. The next time he comes
I shall slip away, or pretend I am asleep, and keep up the pretense until he
stops visiting me.
Also my researches have fallen into
desuetude, I relax, I grow weary, I trot mechanically where once I raced
enthusiastically. I think of the time when I began to inquire into the
question: "Whence does the earth procure this food?" Then indeed I
really lived among the people, I pushed my way where the crowd was thickest,
wanted everybody to know my work and be my audience, and my audience was even
more essential to me than my work; I still expected to produce some effect or
other, and that naturally gave me a great impetus, which now that I am solitary
is gone. But in those days I was so full of strength that I achieved something
unprecedented, something at variance with all our principles, and that every
contemporary eyewitness assuredly recalls now as an uncanny feat. Our
scientific knowledge, which generally makes for an extreme specialization, is
remarkably simple in one province. I mean where it teaches that the earth
engenders our food, and then, after having laid down this hypothesis, gives the
methods by which the different foods may be achieved in their best kinds and
greatest abundance. Now it is of course true that the earth brings forth all
food, of that there can be no doubt; but as simple as people generally imagine
it to be the matter is not; and their belief that it is simple prevents further
inquiry. Take an ordinary occurrence that happens every day. If we were to be
quite inactive, as I am almost completely now, and after a perfunctory
scratching and watering of the soil lay down and waited for what was to come,
then we should find the food on the ground, assuming, that is, that a result of
some kind is inevitable. Nevertheless that is not what usually happens. Those
who have preserved even a little freedom of judgment on scientific matters --
and their numbers are truly small, for science draws a wider and wider circle
around itself -- will easily see, without having to make any specific
experiment, that the main part of the food that is discovered on the ground in
such cases comes from above; indeed customarily we snap up most of our food,
according to our dexterity and greed, before it has reached the ground at all.
In saying that, however, I am saying nothing against science; the earth, of
course, brings forth this kind of food too. Whether the earth draws one kind of
food out of itself and calls down another kind from the skies perhaps makes no
essential difference, and science, which has established that in both cases it
is necessary to prepare the ground, need not perhaps concern itself with such
distinctions, for does it not say: "If you have food in your jaws you have
solved all questions for the time being." But it seems to me that science
nevertheless takes a veiled interest, at least to some extent, in these
matters, inasmuch as it recognizes two chief methods of procuring food; namely
the actual preparation of the ground, and secondly the auxiliary perfecting
processes of incantation, dance, and song. I find here a distinction in
accordance with the one I have myself made; not a definitive distinction,
perhaps, but yet clear enough. The scratching and watering of the ground, in my
opinion, serves to produce both kinds of food, and remains indispensable;
incantation, dance, and song, however, are concerned less with the ground food
in the narrower sense, and serve principally to attract the food from above.
Tradition fortifies me in this interpretation. The ordinary dogs themselves set
science right here without knowing it, and without science being able to
venture a word in reply. If, as science claims, these ceremonies minister only
to the soil, giving it the potency, let us say, to attract food from the air,
then logically they should be directed exclusively to the soil; it is the soil
that the incantations must be whispered to, the soil that must be danced to.
And to the best of my knowledge science ordains nothing else than this. But now
comes the remarkable thing; the people in all their ceremonies gaze upwards.
This is no insult to science, since science does not forbid it, but leaves the
husbandman complete freedom in this respect; in its teaching it takes only the
soil into account, and if the husbandman carries out its instructions
concerning the preparation of the ground it is content; yet, in my opinion, it
should really demand more than this if it is logical. And, though I have never
been deeply initiated into science, I simply cannot conceive how the learned can
bear to let our people, unruly and passionate as they are, chant their
incantations with their faces turned upwards, wail our ancient folk songs into
the air, and spring high in their dances as though, forgetting the ground, they
wished to take flight from it forever. I took this contradiction as my starting
point, and whenever, according to the teachings of science, the harvest time
was approaching, I restricted my attention to the ground, it was the ground
that I scratched in the dance, and I almost gave myself a crick in the neck
keeping my head as close to the ground as I could. Later I dug a hole for my
nose, and sang and declaimed into it so that only the ground might hear, and
nobody else beside or above me.
The results of my experiment were
meager. Sometimes the food did not appear, and I was already preparing to
rejoice at this proof, but then the food would appear; it was exactly as if my
strange performance had caused some confusion at first, but had shown itself
later to possess advantages, so that in my case the usual barking and leaping
could be dispensed with. Often, indeed, the food appeared in greater abundance
than formerly, but then again it would stay away altogether. With a diligence
hitherto unknown in a young dog I drew up exact reports of all my experiments,
fancied that here and there I was on a scent that might lead me further, but
then it lost itself again in obscurity. My inadequate grounding in science also
undoubtedly held me up here. What guarantee had I, for instance, that the absence
of the food was not caused by unscientific preparation of the ground rather
than by my experiments, and if that should be so, then all my conclusions were
invalid. In certain circumstances I might have been able to achieve an almost
scrupulously exact experiment; namely, if I had succeeded only once in bringing
down food by an upward incantation without preparing the ground at all, and
then had failed to extract food by an incantation directed exclusively to the
ground. I attempted indeed something of this kind, but without any real belief
in it and without the conditions being quite perfect; for it is my fixed
opinion that a certain amount of ground-preparation is always necessary, and
even if the heretics who deny this are right, their theory can never be proved
in any case, seeing that the watering of the ground is done under a kind of
compulsion, and within certain limits simply cannot be avoided. Another and
somewhat tangential experiment succeeded better and aroused some public
attention. Arguing from the customary method of snatching food while still in
the air, I decided to allow the food to fall to the ground, but to make no
effort to snatch it. Accordingly I always made a small jump in the air when the
food appeared, but timed it so that it might always fail of its object; in the
majority of instances the food fell dully and indifferently to the ground in
spite of this, and I flung myself furiously upon it, with the fury both of
hunger and of disappointment. But in isolated cases something else happened,
something really strange; the food did not fall but followed me through the
air; the food pursued the hungry. That never went on for long, always for only
a short stretch, then the food fell after all, or vanished completely, or --
the most common case -- my greed put a premature end to the experiment and I
swallowed down the tempting food. All the same I was happy at that time, a stir
of curiosity ran through my neighborhood, I attracted uneasy attention, I found
my acquaintances more accessible to my questions, I could see in their eyes a
gleam that seemed like an appeal for help; and even if it was only the
reflection of my own glance I asked for nothing more. I was satisfied. Until at
last I discovered -- and the others discovered it simultaneously -- that this
experiment of mine was a commonplace of science, had already succeeded with
others far more brilliantly than with me, and though it had not been attempted
for a long time on account of the extreme self-control it required, had also no
need to be repeated, for scientifically it had no value at all. It only proved
what was already known, that the ground not only attracts food vertically from
above, but also at a slant, indeed sometimes in spirals. So there I was left
with my experiment, but I was not discouraged, I was too young for that; on the
contrary, this disappointment braced me to attempt perhaps the greatest
achievement of my life. I did not believe the scientists' depreciations of my
experiment, yet belief was of no avail here, but only proof, and I resolved to
set about establishing that and thus raise my experiment from its original
irrelevance and set it in the very center of the field of research. I wished to
prove that when I retreated before the food it was not the ground that
attracted it at a slant, but I who drew it after me. This first experiment, it
is true, I could not carry any farther; to see the food before one and
experiment in a scientific spirit at the same time -- one cannot keep that up
indefinitely. But I decided to do something else; I resolved to fast completely
as long as I could stand it, and at the same time avoid all sight of food, all
temptation. If I were to withdraw myself in this manner, remain lying day and
night with closed eyes, trouble myself neither to snatch food from the air nor
to lift it from the ground, and if, as I dared not expect, yet faintly hoped,
without taking any of the customary measures, and merely in response to the
unavoidable irrational watering of the ground and the quiet recitation of the
incantations and songs (the dance I wished to omit, so as not to weaken my
powers) the food were to come of itself from above, and without going near the
ground were to knock at my teeth for admittance -- if that were to happen,
then, even if science was not confuted, for it has enough elasticity to admit
exceptions and isolated cases -- I asked myself what would the other dogs say,
who fortunately do not possess such extreme elasticity? For this would be no
exceptional case like those handed down by history, such as the incident, let
us say, of the dog who refuses, because of bodily illness or trouble of mind,
to prepare the ground, to track down and seize his food, upon which the whole
dog community recite magical formulae and by this means succeed in making the
food deviate from its customary route into the jaws of the invalid. I, on the
contrary, was perfectly sound and at the height of my powers, my appetite so
splendid that it prevented me all day from thinking of anything but itself; I
submitted, moreover, whether it be credited or not, voluntarily to my period of
fasting, was myself quite able to conjure down my own supply of food and wished
also to do so, and so I asked no assistance from the dog community, and indeed
rejected it in the most determined manner.
I sought a suitable place for myself
in an outlying clump of bushes, where I would have to listen to no talk of
food, no sound of munching jaws and bones being gnawed; I ate my fill for the
last time and laid me down. As far as possible I wanted to pass my whole time
with closed eyes; until the food came it would be perpetual night for me, even
though my vigil might last for days or weeks. During that time, however, I
dared not sleep much, better indeed if I did not sleep at all -- and that made everything much harder -- for I
must not only conjure the food down from the air, but also be on my guard lest
I should be asleep when it arrived; yet on the other hand sleep would be very
welcome to me, for I would manage to fast much longer asleep than awake. For
those reasons I decided to arrange my time prudently and sleep a great deal,
but always in short snatches. I achieved this by always resting my head while I
slept on some frail twig, which soon snapped and so awoke me. So there I lay,
sleeping or keeping watch, dreaming or singing quietly to myself. My first
vigils passed uneventfully; perhaps in the place whence the food came no one
had yet noticed that I was lying there in resistance to the normal course of
things, and so there was no sign. I was a little disturbed in my concentration
by the fear that the other dogs might miss me, presently find me, and attempt
something or other against me. A second fear was that at the mere wetting of
the ground, though it was unfruitful ground according to the findings of
science, some chance nourishment might appear and seduce me by its smell. But
for a time nothing of that kind happened and I could go on fasting. Apart from
such fears I was more calm during this first stage than I could remember ever
having been before. Although in reality I was laboring to annul the findings of
science, I felt within me a deep reassurance, indeed almost the proverbial
serenity of the scientific worker. In my
thoughts I begged forgiveness of science; there must be room in it for my
researches too; consolingly in my ears rang the assurance that no matter how
great the effect of my inquiries might be, and indeed the greater the better, I
would not be lost to ordinary dog life; science regarded my attempts with
benevolence, it itself would undertake the interpretation of my discoveries,
and that promise already meant fulfillment; while until now I had felt outlawed
in my innermost heart and had run my head against the traditional walls of my
species like a savage, I would now be accepted with great honor, the
long-yearned-for warmth of assembled canine bodies would lap around me, I would
ride uplifted high on the shoulders of my fellows. Remarkable effects of my
first hunger. My achievement seemed so great to me that I began to weep with
emotion and self-pity there among the quiet bushes, which it must be confessed
was not very understandable, for when I was looking forward to my well-earned
reward why should I weep? Probably out of pure happiness. It is always when I
am happy, and that is seldom enough, that I weep. After that, however, these
feelings soon passed. My beautiful fancies fled one by one before the
increasing urgency of my hunger; a little longer and I was, after an abrupt
farewell to all my imaginations and my sublime feelings, totally alone with the
hunger burning in my entrails. "That is my hunger," I told myself
countless times during this stage, as if I wanted to convince myself that my
hunger and I were still two things and I could shake it off like a burdensome
lover; but in reality we were very painfully one, and when I explained to
myself: "That is my hunger," it was really my hunger that was
speaking and having its joke at my expense. A bad, bad time! I still shudder to
think of it, and not merely on account of the suffering I endured then, but
mainly because I was unable to finish it then and consequently shall have to
live through that suffering once more if I am ever to achieve anything; for
today I still hold fasting to be the final and most potent means of my
research. The way goes through fasting; the highest, if it is attainable, is
attainable only by the highest effort, and the highest effort among us is
voluntary fasting. So when I think of those times -- and I would gladly pass my
life in brooding over them -- I cannot help thinking also of the time that
still threatens me. It seems to me that it takes almost a lifetime to
recuperate from such an attempt; my whole life as an adult lies between me and
that fast, and I have not recovered yet. When I begin upon my next fast I shall
perhaps have more resolution than the first time, because of my greater
experience and deeper insight into the need for the attempt, but my powers are
still enfeebled by that first essay, and so I shall probably begin to fail at
the mere approach of these familiar horrors. My weaker appetite will not help
me; it will only reduce the value of the attempt a little, and will, indeed,
probably force me to fast longer than would have been necessary the first time.
I think I am clear on these and many other matters, the long interval has not
been wanting in trial attempts, often enough I have literally got my teeth into
hunger; but I was still not strong enough for the ultimate effort, and now the
unspoiled ardor of youth is of course gone forever. It vanished in the great
privations of that first fast. All sorts of thoughts tormented me. Our
forefathers appeared threateningly before me. True, I held them responsible for
everything, even if I dared not say so openly; it was they who involved our dog
life in guilt, and so I could easily have responded to their menaces with
countermenaces; but I bow before their knowledge, it came from sources of which
we know no longer, and for that reason, much as I may feel compelled to oppose
them, I shall never actually overstep their laws, but content myself with
wriggling out through the gaps, for which I have a particularly good nose. On
the question of fasting I appealed to the well-known dialogue in the course of
which one of our sages once expressed the intention of forbidding fasting, but
was dissuaded by a second with the words: "But who would ever think of
fasting?" whereupon the first sage allowed himself to be persuaded and
withdrew the prohibition. But now arises the question: "Is not fasting
really forbidden after all?" The great majority of commentators deny this
and regard fasting as freely permitted, and holding as they think with the
second sage do not worry in the least about the evil consequences that may
result from erroneous interpretations. I had naturally assured myself on this
point before I began my fast. But now that I was twisted with the pangs of
hunger, and in my distress of mind sought relief in my own hind legs,
despairingly licking and gnawing at them up to the very buttocks, the universal
interpretation of this dialogue seemed to me entirely and completely false, I
cursed the commentators' science, I cursed myself for having been led astray by
it; for the dialogue contained, as any child could see, more than merely one prohibition of fasting; the first
sage wished to forbid fasting; what a sage wishes is already done, so fasting
was forbidden; as for the second sage, he not only agreed with the first, but
actually considered fasting impossible, piled therefore on the first
prohibition a second, that of dog nature itself; the first sage saw this and
thereupon withdrew the explicit prohibition, that was to say, he imposed upon
all dogs, the matter being now settled, the obligation to know themselves and
to make their own prohibitions regarding fasting. So here was a threefold
prohibition instead of merely one, and I had violated it. Now I could at least
have obeyed at this point, though tardily, but in the midst of my pain I felt a
longing to go on fasting, and I followed it as greedily as if it were a strange
dog. I could not stop; perhaps too I was already too weak to get up and seek
safety for myself in familiar scenes. I tossed about on the fallen forest
leaves, I could no longer sleep, I heard noises on every side; the world, which
had been asleep during my life hitherto, seemed to have been awakened by my
fasting, I was tortured by the fancy that I would never be able to eat again,
and I must eat so as to reduce to silence this world rioting so noisily around
me, and I would never be able to do so; but the greatest noise of all came from
my own belly, I often laid my ear against it with startled eyes, for I could
hardly believe what I heard. And now that things were becoming unendurable my
very nature seemed to be seized by the general frenzy, and made senseless
attempts to save itself; the smell of food began to assail me, delicious
dainties that I had long since forgotten, delights of my childhood; yes, I
could smell the very fragrance of my mother's teats; I forgot my resolution to
resist all smells, or rather I did not forget it; I dragged myself to and fro,
never for more than a few yards, and sniffed as if that were in accordance with
my resolution, as if I were looking for food simply to be on my guard against
it. The fact that I found nothing did not disappoint me; the food must be
there, only it was always a few steps away, my legs failed me before I could
reach it. But simultaneously I knew that nothing was there, and that I made
those feeble movements simply out of fear lest I might collapse in this place
and never be able to leave it. My last hopes, my last dreams vanished; I would
perish here miserably; of what use were my researches? -- childish attempts
undertaken in childish and far happier days; here and now was the hour of
deadly earnest, here my inquiries should have shown their value, but where had
they vanished? Only a dog lay here helplessly snapping at the empty air, a dog
who, though he still watered the ground with convulsive haste at short
intervals and without being aware of it, could not remember even the shortest
of the countless incantations stored in his memory, not even the little rhyme
which the newly born puppy says when it snuggles under its mother. It seemed to
me as if I were separated from all my fellows, not by a quite short stretch,
but by an infinite distance, and as if I would die less of hunger than of
neglect. For it was clear that nobody troubled about me, nobody beneath the
earth, on it, or above it; I was dying of their indifference; they said
indifferently. "He is dying," and it would actually come to pass. And
did I not myself assent? Did I not say the same thing? Had I not wanted to be
forsaken like this? Yes, brothers, but not so as to perish in that place, but
to achieve truth and escape from this world of falsehood, where there is no one
from whom you can learn the truth, not even from me, born as I am a citizen of
falsehood. Perhaps the truth was not so very far off, and I not so forsaken,
therefore, as I thought; or I may have been forsaken less by my fellows than by
myself, in yielding and consenting to die.
But one does not die so easily as a
nervous dog imagines. I merely fainted, and when I came to and raised my eyes a
strange hound was standing before me. I did not feel hungry, but rather filled
with strength, and my limbs, it seemed to me, were light and agile, though I
made no attempt to prove this by getting to my feet. My visual faculties in
themselves were no keener than usual; a beautiful but not at all extraordinary
hound stood before me; I could see that, and that was all, and yet it seemed to
me that I saw something more in him. There was blood under me, at first I took
it for food; but I recognized it immediately as blood that I had vomited. I
turned my eyes from it to the strange hound. He was lean, long-legged, brown
with a patch of white here and there, and had a fine, strong, piercing glance.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. "You must leave this place."
"I can't leave it just now," I said, without trying to explain, for
how could I explain everything to him; besides, he seemed to be in a hurry.
"Please go away," he said, impatiently lifting his feet and setting
them down again. "Let me be," I said, "leave me to myself and
don't worry about me; the others don't." "I ask you to go for your
own sake," he said. "You can ask for any reason you like," I
replied. "I can't go even if I wanted to." "You need have no
fear of that," he said, smiling. "You can go all right. It's because
you seem to be feeble that I ask you to go now, and you can go slowly if you
like; if you linger now you'll have to race off later on." "That's my
affair," I replied. "It's mine too," he said, saddened by my
stubbornness, yet obviously resolved to let me lie for the time being, but at
the same time to seize the opportunity of paying court to me. At any other time
I would gladly have submitted to the blandishments of such a beautiful
creature, but at that moment, why, I cannot tell, the thought filled me with
terror. "Get out!" I screamed, and all the louder as I had no other
means of protecting myself. "All right, I'll leave you then," he
said, slowly retreating. "You're wonderful. Don't I please you?"
"You'll please me by going away and leaving me in peace," I said, but
I was no longer so sure of myself as I tried to make him think. My senses,
sharpened by fasting, suddenly seemed to see or hear something about him; it
was just beginning, it was growing, it came nearer, and I knew that this hound
had the power to drive me away, even if I could not imagine to myself at the
moment how I was ever to get to my feet. And I gazed at him -- he had merely
shaken his head sadly at my rough answer -- with ever mounting desire.
"Who are you?" I asked. "I'm a hunter," he replied.
"And why won't you let me lie here?" I asked. "You disturb
me," he said. "I can't hunt while you're here." "Try,"
I said, "perhaps you'll be able to hunt after all." "No,"
he said, "I'm sorry, but you must go." "Don't hunt for this one day!"
I implored him. "No," he said, "I must hunt." "I must
go; you must hunt," I said, "nothing but musts. Can you explain to me
why we must?" "No," he replied, "but there's nothing that
needs to be explained, these are natural, self-evident things." "Not
quite so self-evident as all that," I said, "you're sorry that you
must drive me away, and yet you do it." "That's so," he replied.
"That's so," I echoed him crossly, "that isn't an answer. Which
sacrifice would you rather make: to give up your hunting, or give up driving me
away?" "To give up my hunting," he said without hesitation.
"There!" said I, "don't you see that you're contradicting
yourself?" "How am I contradicting myself?" he replied. "My
dear little dog, can it be that you really don't understand that I must? Don't
you understand the most self-evident fact?" I made no answer, for I
noticed -- and new life ran through me, life such as terror gives -- I noticed
from almost invisible indications, which perhaps nobody but myself could have
noticed, that in the depths of his chest the hound was preparing to upraise a
song. "You're going to sing," I said. "Yes," he replied
gravely, "I'm going to sing, soon, but not yet." "You're
beginning already," I said. "No," he said, "not yet. But be
prepared." "I can hear it already, though you deny it," I said,
trembling. He was silent, and then I thought I saw something such as no dog
before me had ever seen, at least there is no slightest hint of it in our
tradition, and I hastily bowed my head in infinite fear and shame in the pool
of blood lying before me. I thought I saw that the hound was already singing
without knowing it, nay, more, that the melody, separated from him, was
floating on the air in accordance with its own laws, and, as though he had no
part in it, was moving toward me, toward me alone. Today, of course, I deny the
validity of all such perceptions and ascribe them to my overexcitation at that
time, but even if it was an error it had nevertheless a sort of grandeur, and
is the sole, even if delusive, reality that I have carried over into this world
from my period of fasting, and shows at least how far we can go when we are
beyond ourselves. And I was actually quite beyond myself. In ordinary
circumstances I would have been very ill, incapable of moving; but the melody,
which the hound soon seemed to acknowledge as his, was quite irresistible. It
grew stronger and stronger; its waxing power seemed to have no limits, and
already almost burst my eardrums. But the worst was that it seemed to exist solely
for my sake, this voice before whose sublimity the woods fell silent, to exist
solely for my sake; who was I, that I could dare to remain here, lying brazenly
before it in my pool of blood and filth. I tottered to my feet and looked down
at myself; this wretched body can never run, I still had time to think, but
already, spurred on by the melody, I was careering from the spot in splendid
style. I said nothing to my friends; probably I could have told them all when I
first arrived, but I was too feeble, and later it seemed to me that such things
could not be told. Hints which I could not refrain from occasionally dropping
were quite lost in the general conversation. For the rest I recovered
physically in a few hours, but spiritually I still suffer from the effects of
that experiment.
Nevertheless, I next carried my
researches into music. True, science had not been idle in this sphere either;
the science of music, if I am correctly informed, is perhaps still more
comprehensive than that of nurture, and in any case established on a firmer
basis. That may be explained by the fact that this province admits of more
objective inquiry than the other, and its knowledge is more a matter of pure
observation and systematization, while in the province of food the main object
is to achieve practical results. That is the reason why the science of music is
accorded greater esteem than that of nurture, but also why the former has never
penetrated so deeply into the life of the people. I myself felt less attracted
to the science of music than to any other until I heard that voice in the
forest. My experience with the musical dogs had indeed drawn my attention to
music, but I was still too young at that time. Nor is it by any means easy even
to come to grips with that science; it is regarded as very esoteric and
politely excludes the crowd. Besides, although what struck me most deeply at
first about these dogs was their music, their silence seemed to me still more
significant; as for their affrighting music, probably it was quite unique, so
that I could leave it out of account; but thenceforth their silence confronted
me everywhere and in all the dogs I met. So for penetrating into real dog
nature, research into food seemed to me the best method, calculated to lead me
to my goal by the straightest path. Perhaps I was mistaken. A border region
between these two sciences, however, had already attracted my attention. I mean
the theory of incantation, by which food is called down. Here again it is very
much against me that I have never seriously tackled the science of music and in
this sphere cannot even count myself among the half-educated, the class on whom
science looks down most of all. This fact I cannot get away from. I could not
-- I have proof of that, unfortunately -- I could not pass even the most
elementary scientific examination set by an authority on the subject. Of
course, quite apart from the circumstances already mentioned, the reason for
that can be found in my incapacity for scientific investigation, my limited
powers of thought, my bad memory, but above all in my inability to keep my
scientific aim continuously before my eyes. All this I frankly admit, even with
a certain degree of pleasure. For the more profound cause of my scientific
incapacity seems to me to be an instinct, and indeed by no means a bad one. If
I wanted to brag I might say that it was this very instinct that invalidated my
scientific capacities, for it would surely be a very extraordinary thing if one
who shows a tolerable degree of intelligence in dealing with the ordinary daily
business of life, which certainly cannot be called simple, and moreover one
whose findings have been checked and verified, where that was possible, by
individual scientists if not by science itself, should a priori be
incapable of planting his paw even on the first rung of the ladder of science.
It was this instinct that made me -- and perhaps for the sake of science
itself, but a different science from that of today, an ultimate science --
prize freedom higher than everything else. Freedom! Certainly such freedom as
is possible today is a wretched business. But nevertheless freedom,
nevertheless a possession.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Little Woman
She
is a little woman; naturally quite slim, she is tightly laced as well;
she is always in the same dress when I see her, it is made of grayish-yellow
stuff something the color of wood and is trimmed discreetly with tassels or
buttonlike hangings of the same color; she never wears a hat, her dull, fair
hair is smooth and not untidy, but worn very loose. Although she is tightly
laced she is quick and light in her movements, actually she rather overdoes the
quickness, she loves to put her hands on her hips and abruptly turn the upper
part of her body sideways with a suddenness that is surprising. The impression
her hand makes on me I can convey only by saying that I have never seen a hand
with the separate fingers so sharply differentiated from each other as hers;
and yet her hand has no anatomical peculiarities, it is an entirely normal
hand.
This little woman, then, is very
ill-pleased with me, she always finds something objectionable in me, I am
always doing the wrong thing to her, I annoy her at every step; if a life could
be cut into the smallest of small pieces and every scrap of it could be
separately assessed, every scrap of my life would certainly be an offense to
her. I have often wondered why I am such an offense to her; it may be that
everything about me outrages her sense of beauty, her feeling for justice, her
habits, her traditions, her hopes, there are such completely incompatible
natures, but why does that upset her so much? There is no connection between us
that could force her to suffer because of me. All she has to do is to regard me
as an utter stranger, which I am, and which I do not object to being, indeed I
should welcome it, she only needs to forget my existence, which I have never
thrust upon her attention, nor ever would, and obviously her torments would be
at an end. I am not thinking of myself, I am quite leaving out of account the
fact that I find her attitude of course rather trying, leaving it out of
account because I recognize that my discomfort is nothing to the suffering she
endures. All the same I am well aware that hers is no affectionate suffering;
she is not concerned to make any real improvement in me, besides, whatever she
finds objectionable in me is not of a nature to hinder my development. Yet she
does not care about my development either, she cares only for her personal
interest in the matter, which is to revenge herself for the torments I cause
her now and to prevent any torments that threaten her from me in the future. I
have already tried once to indicate the best way of putting a stop to this
perpetual resentment of hers, but my very attempt wrought her up to such a
pitch of fury that I shall never repeat it.
I feel too a certain responsibility
laid upon me, if you like to put it that way, for strangers as we are to each
other, the little woman and myself, and however true it is that the sole
connection between us is the vexation I cause her, or rather the vexation she
lets me cause her, I ought not to feel indifferent to the visible physical
suffering which this induces in her. Every now and then, and more frequently of
late, information is brought to me that she has risen of a morning pale,
unslept, oppressed by headache, and almost unable to work; her family are
worried about her, they wonder what can have caused her condition, and they
have not yet found the answer. I am the only one who knows that it is her
settled and daily renewed vexation with me. True, I am not so worried about her
as her family; she is hardy and tough; anyone who is capable of such strong
feeling is likely also to be capable of surviving its effects; I have even a
suspicion that her sufferings -- or some of them, at least -- are only a
pretense put up to bring public suspicion on me. She is too proud to admit
openly what a torment my very existence is to her; to make any appeal to others
against me she would consider beneath her dignity; it is only disgust,
persistent and active disgust, that drives her to be preoccupied with me; to
discuss in public this unclean affliction of hers would be too shameful. But to
keep utterly silent about something that so persistently rankles would be also
too much for her. So with feminine guile she steers a middle course; she keeps
silent but betrays all the outward signs of a secret sorrow in order to draw
public attention to the matter. Perhaps she even hopes that once public
attention is fixed on me a general public rancor against me will rise up and
use all its great powers to condemn me definitively much more effectively and
quickly than her relatively feeble private rancor could do; she would then
retire into the background, draw a breath of relief, and turn her back on me.
Well, if that is what her hopes are really set on, she is deluding herself.
Public opinion will not take over her role; public opinion would never find me
so infinitely objectionable, even under its most powerful magnifying glass. I
am not so altogether useless a creature as she thinks; I don't want to boast
and especially not in this connection; but if I am not conspicuous for
specially useful qualities, I am certainly not conspicuous for the lack of
them; only to her, only to her almost bleached eyes, do I appear so, she won't
be able to convince anyone else. So in this respect I can feel quite reassured,
can I? No, not at all; for if it becomes generally known that my behavior is
making her positively ill, which some observers, those who most industriously
bring me information about her, for instance, are not far from perceiving, or
at least look as if they perceived it, and the world should put questions to
me, why am I tormenting the poor little woman with my incorrigibility, and do I
mean to drive her to her death, and when am I going to show some sense and have
enough decent human feeling to stop such goings-on -- if the world were to ask
me that, it would be difficult to find an answer. Should I admit frankly that I
don't much believe in these symptoms of illness, and thus produce the
unfavorable impression of being a man who blames others to avoid being blamed
himself, and in such an ungallant manner? And how could I say quite openly that
even if I did believe that she were really ill, I should not feel the slightest
sympathy for her, since she is a complete stranger to me and any connection
between us is her own invention and entirely one-sided. I don't say that people
wouldn't believe me; they wouldn't be interested enough to get so far as
belief; they would simply note the answer I gave concerning such a frail, sick
woman, and that would be little in my favor. Any answer I made would inevitably
come up against the world's incapacity to keep down the suspicion that there
must be a love affair behind such a case as this, although it is as clear as
daylight that such a relationship does not exist, and that if it did it would
come from my side rather than hers, since I should be really capable of admiring
the little woman for the decisive quickness of her judgment and her persistent
vitality in leaping to conclusions, if these very qualities were not always
turned as weapons against me. She, at any rate, shows not a trace of
friendliness toward me; in that she is honest and true; therein lies my last
hope; not even to help on her campaign would she so far forget herself as to
let any such suspicion arise. But public opinion which is wholly insensitive in
such matters would abide by its prejudices and always denounce me.
So the only thing left for me to do
would be to change myself in time, before the world could intervene, just
sufficiently to lessen the little woman's rancor, not to wean her from it
altogether, which is unthinkable. And indeed I have often asked myself if I am
so pleased with my present self as to be unwilling to change it, and whether I
could not attempt some changes in myself, even though I should be doing so not
because I found them needful but merely to propitiate the little woman. And I
have honestly tried, taking some trouble and care, it even did me good, it was
almost a diversion; some changes resulted which were visible a long way off, I
did not need to draw her attention to them, she perceives all that kind of
thing much sooner than I do, she can even perceive by my expression beforehand
what I have in mind; but no success crowned my efforts. How could it possibly
do so? Her objection to me, as I am now aware, is a fundamental one; nothing
can remove it, not even the removal of myself; if she heard that I had
committed suicide she would fall into transports of rage.
Now I cannot imagine that such a
sharp-witted woman as she is does not understand as well as I do both the
hopelessness of her own course of action and the helplessness of mine, my
inability, with the best will in the world, to conform to her requirements. Of
course she understands it, but being a fighter by nature she forgets it in the
lust of battle, and my unfortunate disposition, which I cannot help since it is
mine by nature, conditions me to whisper gentle admonitions to anyone who flies
into a violent passion. In this way, naturally, we shall never come to terms. I
shall keep on leaving the house in the gay mood of early morning only to meet
that countenance of hers, lowering at the sight of me, the contemptuous curl of
her lips, the measuring glance, aware beforehand of what it is going to find,
that sweeps over me and however fleeting misses nothing, the sarcastic smile
furrowing her girlish cheek, the complaining lift of the eyes to Heaven, the
planting of the hands on the hips, to fortify herself, and then the access of
rage that brings pallor with it and trembling.
Not long ago I took occasion, for
the very first time as I realized with some astonishment, to mention the matter
to a very good friend of mine, just in passing, casually, in a word or two,
reducing it to even less than its just proportions, trivial as it is in essence
when looked at objectively. It was curious that my friend all the same did not
ignore it, indeed of his own accord he even made more of it than I had done,
would not be sidetracked, and insisted on discussing it. But it was still more
curious that in one important particular he underestimated it, for he advised
me seriously to go away for a short time. No advice could be less
understandable; the matter was simple enough, anyone who looked closely at it
could see right through it, yet it was not so simple that my mere departure
would set all of it right, or even the greater part of it. On the contrary,
such a departure is just what I must avoid; if I am to follow a plan at all it
must be that of keeping the affair within its present narrow limits which do
not yet involve the outside world, that is to say, I must stay quietly where I
am and not let it affect my behavior as far as can be seen, and that includes
mentioning it to no one, but not at all because it is a kind of dangerous
mystery, merely because it is a trivial, purely personal matter and as such to
be taken lightly, and to be kept on that level. So my friend's remarks were not
profitless after all, they taught me nothing new yet they strengthened my
original resolution.
And on closer reflection it appears
that the developments which the affair seems to have undergone in the course of
time are not developments in the affair itself, but only in my attitude to it,
insofar as that has become more composed on the one hand, more manly,
penetrating nearer the heart of the matter, while on the other hand, under the
influence of the continued nervous strain which I cannot overcome, however
slight, it has increased in irritability.
I am less upset by the affair now
that I think I perceive how unlikely it is to come to any decisive crisis,
imminent as that sometimes seems to be; one is easily disposed, especially when
one is young, to exaggerate the speed with which decisive moments arrive;
whenever my small critic, grown faint at the very sight of me, sank sideways
into a chair, holding on to the back of it with one hand and plucking at her
bodice strings with the other, while tears of rage and despair rolled down her
cheeks, I used to think that now the moment had come and I was just on the
point of being summoned to answer for myself. Yet there was no decisive moment,
no summons, women faint easily, the world has no time to notice all their
doings. And what has really happened in all these years? Nothing except that
such occasions have repeated themselves, sometimes more and sometimes less
violently, and that their sum total has increased accordingly. And that people
are hanging around in the offing and would like to interfere if they could find
some way of doing it; but they can find none, so up till now they have had to
rely on what they could smell out, and although that by itself is fully
qualified to keep the owners of the noses busy it can't do anything more. Yet
the situation was always like that, fundamentally, always provided with
superfluous bystanders and nosy onlookers, who always justified their presence
by some cunning excuse, for preference claiming to be relatives, always
stretching their necks and sniffing trouble, but all they have achieved is to
be still standing by. The only difference is that I have gradually come to
recognize them and distinguish one face from another; once upon a time I
believed that they had just gradually trickled in from outside, that the affair
was having wider repercussions, which would themselves compel a crisis; today I
think I know that these onlookers were always there from the beginning and have
little or nothing to do with the imminence of a crisis. And the crisis itself,
why should I dignify it by such a name? If it ever should happen -- and
certainly not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, most likely never -- that
public opinion concerns itself with the affair, which, I must repeat, is beyond
its competence, I certainly won't escape unharmed, but on the other hand people
are bound to take into account that I am not unknown to the public, that I have
lived for long in the full light of publicity, trustingly and trustworthily,
and that this distressed little woman, this latecomer in my life, who, let me
remark in passing, another man might have brushed off like a burr and privately
trodden underfoot without a sound, that this woman at the very worst could add
only an ugly little flourish to the diploma in which public opinion long ago
certified me to be a respectable member of society. That is how things stand
today, little likely to cause me any uneasiness.
The fact that in the course of years
I have all the same become somewhat uneasy has nothing to do with the real
significance of this affair; a man simply cannot endure being a continual
target for someone's spite, even when he knows well enough that the spite is
gratuitous; he grows uneasy, he begins, in a kind of physical way only, to
expect final decisions, even when like a sensible man he does not much believe
that they are forthcoming. Partly, too, it is a symptom of increasing age;
youth sheds a bloom over everything; awkward characteristics are lost to sight
in the endless upwelling of youthful energy; if as a youth a man has a somewhat
wary eye it is not counted against him, it is not noticed at all, even by
himself; but the things that survive in old age are residues, each is necessary,
none is renewed, each is under scrutiny, and the wary eye of an aging man is
clearly a wary eye and is not difficult to recognize. Only, as also in this
case, it is not an actual degeneration of his condition.
So from whatever standpoint I
consider this small affair, it appears, and this I will stick to, that if I
keep my hand over it, even quite lightly, I shall quietly continue to live my
own life for a long time to come, untroubled by the world, despite all the
outbursts of the woman.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Burrow
I have
completed the construction of my burrow and it seems to be successful.
All that can be seen from outside is a big hole; that, however, really leads
nowhere; if you take a few steps you strike against natural firm rock. I can
make no boast of having contrived this ruse intentionally; it is simply the
remains of one of my many abortive building attempts, but finally it seemed to
me advisable to leave this one hole without filling it in. True, some ruses are
so subtle that they defeat themselves, I know that better than anyone, and it
is certainly a risk to draw attention by this hole to the fact that there may
be something in the vicinity worth inquiring into. But you do not know me if
you think I am afraid, or that I built my burrow simply out of fear. At a
distance of some thousand paces from this hole lies, covered by a movable layer
of moss, the real entrance to the burrow; it is secured as safely as anything
in this world can be secured; yet someone could step on the moss or break
through it, and then my burrow would lie open, and anybody who liked -- please
note, however, that quite uncommon abilities would also be required -- could
make his way in and destroy everything for good. I know that very well, and
even now, at the zenith of my life, I can scarcely pass an hour in complete
tranquility; at that one point in the dark moss I am vulnerable, and in my
dreams I often see a greedy muzzle sniffing around it persistently. It will be
objected that I could quite well have filled in the entrance too, with a thin
layer of hard earth on top and with loose soil further down, so that it would
not cost me much trouble to dig my way out again whenever I liked. But that
plan is impossible; prudence itself demands that I should have a way of leaving
at a moment's notice if necessary, prudence itself demands, as alas! so often,
to risk one's life. All this involves very laborious calculation, and the sheer
pleasure of the mind in its own keenness is often the sole reason why one keeps
it up. I must have a way of leaving at a moment's notice, for, despite all my vigilance,
may I not be attacked from some quite unexpected quarter? I live in peace in
the inmost chamber of my house, and meanwhile the enemy may be burrowing his
way slowly and stealthily straight toward me. I do not say that he has a better
scent than I; probably he knows as little about me as I of him. But there are
insatiable robbers who burrow blindly through the ground, and to whom the very
size of my house gives the hope of hitting by chance on some of its far-flung
passages. I certainly have the advantage of being in my own house and knowing
all the passages and how they run. A robber may very easily become my victim
and a succulent one too. But I am growing old; I am not as strong as many
others, and my enemies are countless; it could well happen that in flying from
one enemy I might run into the jaws of another. Anything might happen! In any
case I must have the confident knowledge that somewhere there is an exit easy
to reach and quite free, where I have to do nothing whatever to get out, so that
I might never -- Heaven shield us! -- suddenly feel the teeth of the pursuer in
my flank while I am desperately burrowing away, even if it is at loose easy
soil. And it is not only by external enemies that I am threatened. There are
also enemies in the bowels of the earth. I have never seen them, but legend
tells of them and I firmly believe in them. They are creatures of the inner
earth; not even legend can describe them. Their very victims can scarcely have
seen them; they come, you hear the scratching of their claws just under you in
the ground, which is their element, and already you are lost. Here it is of no
avail to console yourself with the thought that you are in your own house; far
rather are you in theirs. Not even my exit could save me from them; indeed in
all probability it would not save me in any case, but rather betray me; yet it
is a hope, and I cannot live without it. Apart from this main exit I am also
connected with the outer world by quite narrow, tolerably safe passages which
provide me with good fresh air to breathe. They are the work of the field mice.
I have made judicious use of them, transforming them into an organic part of my
burrow. They also give me the possibility of scenting things from afar, and
thus serve as a protection. All sorts of small fry, too, come running through
them, and I devour these; so I can have a certain amount of subterranean
hunting, sufficient for a modest way of life, without leaving my burrow at all;
and that is naturally a great advantage.
But the most beautiful thing about
my burrow is the stillness. Of course, that is deceptive. At any moment it may
be shattered and then all will be over. For the time being, however, the
silence is still with me. For hours I can stroll through my passages and hear
nothing except the rustling of some little creature, which I immediately reduce
to silence between my jaws, or the pattering of soil, which draws my attention
to the need for repair; otherwise all is still. The fragrance of the woods
floats in; the place feels both warm and cool. Sometimes I lie down and roll
about in the passage with pure joy. When autumn sets in, to possess a burrow
like mine, and a roof over your head, is great good fortune for anyone getting
on in years. Every hundred yards I have widened the passages into little round
cells; there I can curl myself up in comfort and lie warm. There I sleep the
sweet sleep of tranquility, of satisfied desire, of achieved ambition; for I
possess a house. I do not know whether it is a habit that still persists from
former days, or whether the perils even of this house of mine are great enough
to awaken me; but invariably every now and then I start up out of profound
sleep and listen, listen into the stillness which reigns here unchanged day and
night, smile contentedly, and then sink with loosened limbs into still
profounder sleep. Poor homeless wanderers in the roads and woods, creeping for
warmth into a heap of leaves or a herd of their comrades, delivered to all the
perils of heaven and earth! I lie here in a room secured on every side -- there
are more than fifty such rooms in my burrow -- and pass as much of my time as I
choose between dozing and unconscious sleep.
Not quite in the center of the
burrow, carefully chosen to serve as a refuge in case of extreme danger from
siege if not from immediate pursuit, lies the chief cell. While all the rest of
the burrow is the outcome rather of intense intellectual than of physical
labor, this Castle Keep was fashioned by the most arduous labor of my whole
body. Several times, in the despair brought on by physical exhaustion, I was on
the point of giving up the whole business, flung myself down panting and cursed
the burrow, dragged myself outside and left the place lying open to all the
world. I could afford to do that, for I had no longer any wish to return to it,
until at last, after four hours or days, back I went repentantly, and when I
saw that the burrow was unharmed I could almost have raised a hymn of
thanksgiving, and in sincere gladness of heart started on the work anew. My
labors on the Castle Keep were also made harder, and unnecessarily so
(unnecessarily in that the burrow derived no real benefit from those labors),
by the fact that just at the place where, according to my calculations, the
Castle Keep should be, the soil was very loose and sandy and had literally to
be hammered and pounded into a firm state to serve as a wall for the
beautifully vaulted chamber. But for such tasks the only tool I possess is my
forehead. So I had to run with my forehead thousands and thousands of times,
for whole days and nights, against the ground, and I was glad when the blood
came, for that was a proof that the walls were beginning to harden; and in that
way, as everybody must admit, I richly paid for my Castle Keep.
In the Castle Keep I assemble my
stores; everything over and above my daily wants that I capture inside the
burrow, and everything I bring back with me from my hunting expeditions
outside, I pile up here. The place is so spacious that food for half a year scarcely
fills it. Consequently I can divide up my stores, walk about among them, play
with them, enjoy their plenty and their various smells, and reckon up exactly
how much they represent. That done, I can always arrange accordingly, and make
my calculations and hunting plans for the future, taking into account the
season of the year. There are times when I am so well provided for that in my
indifference to food I never even touch the smaller fry that scuttle about the
burrow, which, however, is probably imprudent of me. My constant preoccupation
with defensive measures involves a frequent alteration or modification, though
within narrow limits, of my views on how the building can best be organized for
that end. Then it sometimes seems risky to make the Castle Keep the basis of
defense; the ramifications of the burrow present me with manifold
possibilities, and it seems more in accordance with prudence to divide up my
stores somewhat, and put part of them in certain of the smaller rooms;
thereupon I mark off every third room, let us say, as a reserve storeroom, or
every fourth room as a main and every second as an auxiliary storeroom, and so
forth. Or I ignore certain passages altogether and store no food in them, so as
to throw any enemy off the scent, or I choose quite at random a very few rooms
according to their distance from the main exit. Each of these new plans
involves of course heavy work; I have to make my calculations and then carry my
stores to their new places. True, I can do that at my leisure and without any
hurry, and it is not at all unpleasant to carry such good food in your jaws, to
lie down and rest whenever you like, and to nibble an occasional tasty tidbit.
But it is not so pleasant when, as sometimes happens, you suddenly fancy,
starting up from your sleep, that the present distribution of your stores is
completely and totally wrong, might lead to great dangers, and must be set
right at once, no matter how tired or sleepy you may be; then I rush, then I
fly, then I have no time for calculation; and although I was about to execute a
perfectly new, perfectly exact plan, I now seize whatever my teeth hit upon and
drag it or carry it away, sighing, groaning, stumbling, and even the most
haphazard change in the present situation, which seems so terribly dangerous,
can satisfy me. Until little by little full wakefulness sobers me, and I can
hardly understand my panic haste, breathe in deeply the tranquility of my
house, which I myself have disturbed, return to my resting place, fall asleep
at once in a new-won exhaustion, and on awakening find hanging from my jaws,
say, a rat, as indubitable proof of night labors which already
seem almost unreal. Then again
there are times when the storing of all my food in one place seems the best
plan of all. Of what use to me could my stores in the smaller rooms be, how
much could I store there in any case? And whatever I put there would block the
passage, and be a greater hindrance than help to me if I were pursued and had
to fly. Besides, it is stupid but true that one's self-conceit suffers if one
cannot see all one's stores together, and so at one glance know how much one
possesses. And in dividing up my food in those various ways might not a great
deal get lost? I can't be always scouring through all my passages and
cross-passages so as to make sure that everything is in order. The idea of
dividing up my stores is of course a good one, but only if one had several
rooms similar to my Castle Keep. Several such rooms! Indeed! And who is to
build them? In any case, they could not be worked into the general plan of my
burrow at this late stage. But I will admit that that is a fault in my burrow;
it is always a fault to have only one piece of anything. And I confess too that
during the whole time I was constructing the burrow a vague idea that I should
have more such cells stirred in my mind, vaguely, yet clearly enough if I had
only welcomed it; I did not yield to it, I felt too feeble for the enormous
labor it would involve, more, I felt too feeble even to admit to myself the
necessity for that labor, and comforted myself as best I could with the vague
hope that a building which in any other case would clearly be inadequate, would
in my own unique, exceptional, favored case suffice, presumably because
providence was interested in the preservation of my forehead, that unique
instrument. So I have only one Castle Keep, but my dark premonitions that one
would not suffice have faded. However that may be, I must content myself with
the one big chamber, the smaller ones are simply no substitute for it, and so,
when this conviction has grown on me, I begin once more to haul all my stores
back from them to the Castle Keep. For some time afterwards I find a certain
comfort in having all the passages and rooms free, in seeing my stores growing
in the Castle Keep and emitting their variegated and mingled smells, each of
which delights me in its own fashion, and every one of which I can distinguish
even at a distance, as far as the very remotest passages. Then I usually enjoy
periods of particular tranquility, in which I change my sleeping place by
stages, always working in toward the center of the burrow, always steeping
myself more profoundly in the mingled smells, until at last I can no longer
restrain myself and one night rush into the Castle Keep, mightily fling myself
upon my stores, and glut myself with the best that I can seize until I am
completely gorged. Happy but dangerous hours; anyone who knew how to exploit
them could destroy me with ease and without any risk. Here too the absence of a
second or third large storeroom works to my detriment; for it is the single
huge accumulated mass of food that seduces me. I try to guard myself in various
ways against this danger; the distribution of my stores in the smaller rooms is
really one of these expedients; but unfortunately, like other such expedients,
it leads through renunciation to still greater greed, which, overruling my
intelligence, makes me arbitrarily alter my plans of defense to suit its ends.
To regain my composure after such
lapses I make a practice of reviewing the burrow, and after the necessary
improvements have been carried out, frequently leave it, though only for a
short spell. Even at such moments the hardship of being without it for a long
time seems too punitive to me, yet I recognize clearly the need for occasional
short excursions. It is always with a certain solemnity that I approach the
exit again. During my spells of home life I avoid it, steer clear even of the
outer windings of the corridor that leads to it; besides, it is no easy job to
wander about out there, for I have contrived there a whole little maze of
passages; it was there that I began my burrow, at a time when I had no hope of
ever completing it according to my plans; I began, half in play, at that
corner, and so my first joy in labor found riotous satisfaction there in a
labyrinthine burrow which at the time seemed to me the crown of all burrows,
but which I judge today, perhaps with more justice, to be too much of an idle tour
de force, not really worthy of the rest of the burrow, and though perhaps
theoretically brilliant -- here is my main entrance, I said in those days,
ironically addressing my invisible enemies and seeing them all already caught
and stifled in the outer labyrinth -- is in reality a flimsy piece of jugglery
that would hardly withstand a serious attack or the struggles of an enemy
fighting for his life. Should I reconstruct this part of my burrow? I keep on
postponing the decision, and the labyrinth will probably remain as it is. Apart
from the sheer hard work that I should have to face, the task would also be the
most dangerous imaginable. When I began the burrow I could work away at it in
comparative peace of mind, the risk wasn't much greater than any other risk;
but to attempt that today would be to draw the whole world's attention, and
gratuitously, to my burrow; today the whole thing is impossible. I am almost
glad of that, for I still have a certain sentiment about this first achievement
of mine. And if a serious attack were attempted, what pattern of entrance at
all would be likely to save me? An entrance can deceive, can lead astray, can
give the attacker no end of worry, and the present one too can do that at a
pinch. But a really serious attack has to be met by an instantaneous
mobilization of all the resources in the burrow and all the forces of my body
and soul -- that is self-evident. So this entrance can very well remain where
it is. The burrow has so many unavoidable defects imposed by natural causes
that it can surely stand this one defect for which I am responsible, and which
I recognize as a defect, even if only after the event. In spite of that,
however, I do not deny that this fault worries me from time to time, indeed
always. If on my customary rounds I avoid this part of the burrow, the
fundamental reason is that the sight of it is painful to me, because I don't
want to be perpetually reminded of a defect in my house, even if that defect is
only too disturbingly present in my mind. Let it continue to exist ineradicably
at the entrance; I can at least refuse to look at it as long as that is
possible. If I merely walk in the direction of the entrance, even though I may
be separated from it by several passages and rooms, I find myself sensing an
atmosphere of great danger, actually as if my hair were growing thin and in a
moment might fly off and leave me bare and shivering, exposed to the howls of
my enemies. Yes, the mere thought of the door itself, the end of the domestic
protection, brings such feelings with it, yet it is the labyrinth leading up to
it that torments me most of all. Sometimes I dream, that I have reconstructed
it, transformed it completely, quickly, in a night, with a giant's strength,
nobody having noticed, and now it is impregnable; the nights in which such
dreams come to me are the sweetest I know, tears of joy and deliverance still
glisten on my beard when I awaken.
So I must thread the tormenting
complications of this labyrinth physically as well as mentally whenever I go
out, and I am both exasperated and touched when, as sometimes happens, I lose
myself for a moment in my own maze, and the work of my hands seems to be still
doing its best to prove its sufficiency to me, its maker, whose final judgment
has long since been passed on it. But then I find myself beneath the mossy
covering, which has been left untouched for so long -- for I stay for long
spells in my house -- that it has grown fast to the soil around it, and now
only a little push with my head is needed and I am in the upper world. For a
long time I do not dare to make that little movement, and if it were not that I
would have to traverse the labyrinth once more, I would certainly leave the
matter for the time being and turn back again. Just think. Your house is
protected and self-sufficient. You live in peace, warm, well nourished, master,
sole master of all your manifold passages and rooms, and all this you are
prepared -- not to give up, of course -- but to risk it, so to speak; you nurse
the confident hope, certainly, that you will regain it; yet is it not a
dangerous, a far too dangerous stake that you are playing for? Can there be any
reasonable grounds for such a step? No, for such acts as these there can be no
reasonable grounds. But all the same, I then cautiously raise the trap door and
slip outside, let it softly fall back again, and fly as fast as I can from the
treacherous spot.
Yet I am not really free. True, I am
no longer confined by narrow passages, but hunt through the open woods, and
feel new powers awakening in my body for which there was no room, as it were,
in the burrow, not even in the Castle Keep, though it had been ten times as
big. The food too is better up here; though hunting is more difficult, success
more rare, the results are more valuable from every point of view; I do not
deny all this; I appreciate it and take advantage of it at least as fully as
anyone else, and probably more fully, for I do not hunt like a vagrant out of
mere idleness or desperation, but calmly and methodically. Also I am not permanently
doomed to this free life, for I know that my term is measured, that I do not
have to hunt here forever, and that, whenever I am weary of this life and wish
to leave it, Someone, whose invitation I shall not be able to withstand, will,
so to speak, summon me to him. And so I can pass my time here quite without
care and in complete enjoyment, or rather I could, and yet I cannot. My burrow
takes up too much of my thoughts. I fled from the entrance fast enough, but
soon I am back at it again. I seek out a good hiding place and keep watch on
the entrance of my house -- this time from outside -- for whole days and
nights. Call it foolish if you like; it gives me infinite pleasure and
reassures me. At such times it is as if I were not so much looking at my house
as at myself sleeping, and had the joy of being in a profound slumber and
simultaneously of keeping vigilant guard over myself. I am privileged, as it
were, not only to dream about the specters of the night in all the helplessness
and blind trust of sleep, but also at the same time to confront them in
actuality with the calm judgment of the fully awake. And strangely enough I
discover that my situation is not so bad as I had often thought, and will
probably think again when I return to my house. In this connection -- it may be
in others too, but in this one especially -- these excursions of mine are truly
indispensable. Carefully as I have chosen an out-of-the-way place for my door,
the traffic that passes it is nevertheless, if one takes a week's observation,
very great; but so it is, no doubt, in all inhabited regions, and probably it
is actually better to hazard the risks of dense traffic, whose very impetus
carries it past, than to be delivered in complete solitude to the first
persistently searching intruder. Here enemies are numerous and their allies and
accomplices still more numerous, but they fight one another, and while thus
employed rush past my burrow without noticing it. In all my time I have never
seen anyone investigating the actual door of my house, which is fortunate both
for me and for him, for I would certainly have launched myself at his throat,
forgetting everything else in my anxiety for the burrow. True, creatures come,
in whose vicinity I dare not remain, and from whom I have to fly as soon as I
scent them in the distance; on their attitude to the burrow I really can't
pronounce with certainty, but it is at least a reassurance that when I
presently return I never find any of them there, and the entrance is undamaged.
There have been happy periods in which I could almost assure myself that the
enmity of the world toward me had ceased or been assuaged, or that the strength
of the burrow had raised me above the destructive struggle of former times. The
burrow has probably protected me in more ways than I thought or dared think
while I was inside it. This fancy used to have such a hold over me that
sometimes I have been seized by the childish desire never to return to the
burrow again, but to settle down somewhere close to the entrance, to pass my
life watching the entrance, and gloat perpetually upon the reflection -- and in
that find my happiness -- how steadfast a protection my burrow would be if I
were inside it. Well, one is soon roughly awakened from childish dreams. What
does this protection which I am looking at here from the outside amount to
after all? Dare I estimate the danger which I run inside the burrow from
observations which I make when outside? Can my enemies, to begin with, have any
proper awareness of me if I am not in my burrow? A certain awareness of me they
certainly have, but not full awareness. And is not that full awareness the real
definition of a state of danger? So the experiments I attempt here are only
half-experiments or even less, calculated merely to reassure my fears and by
giving me false reassurance to lay me open to great perils. No, I do not watch
over my own sleep, as I imagined; rather it is I who sleep, while the destroyer
watches. Perhaps he is one of those who pass the entrance without seeming to notice
it, concerned merely to ascertain, just like myself, that the door is still
untouched and waits for their attack, and only pass because they know that the
master of the house is out, or because they are quite aware that he is
guilelessly lying on the watch in the bushes close by. And I leave my post of
observation and find I have had enough of this outside life; I feel that there
is nothing more that I can learn here, either now or at any time. And I long to
say a last goodbye to everything up here, to go down into my burrow never to
return again, let things take their course, and not try to retard them with my
profitless vigils. But spoiled by seeing for such a long time everything that
happened around the entrance, I find great difficulty in summoning the
resolution to carry out the actual descent, which might easily draw anyone's
attention, and without knowing what is happening behind my back and behind the
door after it is fastened. I take advantage of stormy nights to get over the
necessary preliminaries, and quickly bundle in my spoil; that seems to have
come off, but whether it has really come off will only be known when I myself
have made the descent; it will be known, but not by me, or by me, but too late.
So I give up the attempt and do not make the descent. I dig an experimental
burrow, naturally at a good distance from the real entrance, a burrow just as
long as myself, and seal it also with a covering of moss. I creep into my hole,
close it after me, wait patiently, keep vigil for long or short spells, and at
various hours of the day, then fling off the moss, issue from my hole, and
summarize my observations. These are extremely heterogeneous, and both good and
bad; but I have never been able to discover a universal principle or an
infallible method of descent. In consequence of all this I have not yet
summoned the resolution to make my actual descent, and am thrown into despair
at the necessity of doing it soon. I almost screw myself to the point of
deciding to emigrate to distant parts and take up my old comfortless life
again, which had no security whatever, but was one indiscriminate succession of
perils, yet in consequence prevented one from perceiving and fearing particular
perils, as I am constantly reminded by comparing my secure burrow with ordinary
life. Certainly such a decision would be an arrant piece of folly, produced
simply by living too long in senseless freedom; the burrow is still mine, I
have only to take a single step and I am safe. And I tear myself free from all
my doubts and by broad daylight rush to the door, quite resolved to raise it
now; but I cannot, I rush past it and fling myself into a thorn bush,
deliberately, as a punishment, a punishment for some sin I do not know of.
Then, at the last moment, I am forced to admit to myself that I was right after
all, and that it was really impossible to go down into the burrow without
exposing the thing I love best, for a little while at least, to all my enemies,
on the ground, in the trees, in the air. And the danger is by no means a
fanciful one, but very real. It need not be any particular enemy that is
provoked to pursue me, it may very well be some chance innocent little
creature, some disgusting little beast which follows me out of curiosity, and
thus, without knowing it, becomes the leader of all the world against me; nor
need it be even that, it may be -- and that would be just as bad, indeed in
some respects worse -- it may be someone of my own kind, a connoisseur and
prizer of burrows, a hermit, a lover of peace, but all the same a filthy
scoundrel who wishes to be housed where he has not built. If he were actually
to arrive now, if in his obscene lust he were to discover the entrance and set
about working at it, lifting the moss; if he were actually to succeed, if he
were actually to wriggle his way in in my stead, until only his hindquarters
still showed; if all this were actually to happen, so that at last, casting all
prudence to the winds, I might in my blind rage leap on him, maul him, tear the
flesh from his bones, destroy him, drink his blood, and fling his corpse among
the rest of my spoil, but above all -- that is the main thing -- were at last
back in my burrow once more, I would have it in my heart to greet the labyrinth
itself with rapture; but first I would draw the moss covering over me, and I
would want to rest, it seems to me, for all the remainder of my life. But
nobody comes and I am left to my own resources. Perpetually obsessed by the
sheer difficulty of the attempt, I lose much of my timidity, I no longer attempt
even to appear to avoid the entrance, but make a hobby of prowling around it;
by now it is almost as if I were the enemy spying out a suitable opportunity
for successfully breaking in. If I only had someone I could trust to keep watch
at post of observation; then of course I could descend in perfect peace of
mind. I would make an agreement with this trusty confederate of mine that he
would keep a careful note of the state of things during my descent and for
quite a long time afterwards, and if he saw any sign of danger knock on the
moss covring, and if he saw nothing do nothing. With that a clean sweep would
be made of all my fears, no residue would be left, or at most my confidant. For
would he not demand some counter-service from me; would he not at least want to
see the burrow? That in itself, to let anyone freely into my burrow, would be
exquisitely painful to me. I built it for myself, not for visitors, and I think
I would refuse to admit him, not even though he alone made it possible for me
to get into the burrow would I let him in. But I simply could not admit him,
for either I must let him go in first by himself, which is simply unimaginable,
or we must both descend at the same time, in which case the advantage I am
supposed to derive from him, that of being kept watch over, would be lost. And
what trust can I really put in him? Can I trust one whom I have had under my
eyes just as fully when I can't see him, and the moss covering separates us? It
is comparatively easy to trust anyone if you are supervising him or at least
can supervise him; perhaps it is possible even to trust someone at a distance;
but completely to trust someone outside the burrow when you are inside the
burrow, that is, in a different world, that, it seems to me, is impossible. But
such considerations are not in the least necessary; the mere reflection is
enough that during or after my descent one of the countless accidents of
existence might prevent my confidant from fulfilling his duty, and what
incalculable results might not the smallest accident of that kind have for me?
No, if one takes it by and large, I have no right to complain that I am alone
and have nobody that I can trust. I certainly lose nothing by that and probably
spare myself trouble. I can only trust myself and my burrow. I should have
thought of that before and taken measures to meet the difficulty that worries
me so much now. When I began the burrow it would at least have been partly
possible. I should have so constructed the first passage that it had two entrances
at a moderate distance from each other, so that after descending through the
one entrance with that slowness which is unavoidable, I might rush at once
through the passage to the second entrance, slightly raise the moss covering,
which would be so arranged as to make that easy, and from there keep watch on
the position for several days and nights. That would have been the only right
way of doing it. True, the two entrances would double the risk, but that
consideration need not delay me, for one of the entrances, serving merely as a
post of observation, could be quite narrow. And with that I lose myself in a
maze of technical speculations, I begin once more to dream my dream of a
completely perfect burrow, and that somewhat calms me; with closed eyes I
behold with delight perfect or almost perfect structural devices for enabling
me to slip out and in unobserved. While I lie there thinking such things I
admire these devices very greatly, but only as technical achievements, not as
real advantages; for this freedom to slip out and in at will, what does it
amount to? It is the mark of a restless nature, of inner uncertainty,
disreputable desires, evil propensities that seem still worse when one thinks
of the burrow, which is there at one's hand and can flood one with peace if one
only remains quite open and receptive to it. For the present, however, I am
outside it seeking some possibility of returning, and for that the necessary
technical devices would be very desirable. But perhaps not so very desirable after
all. Is it not a very grave injustice to the burrow to regard it in moments of
nervous panic as a mere hole into which one can creep and be safe? Certainly it
is a hole among other things, and a safe one, or should be, and when I picture
myself in the midst of danger, then I insist with clenched teeth and all my
will that the burrow should be nothing but a hole set apart to save me, and
that it should fufill that clearly defined function with the greatest possible
efficiency, and I am ready to absolve it from every other duty. Now the truth
of the matter -- and one has no eye for that in times of great peril, and only
by a great effort even in times when danger is threatening -- is that in
reality the burrow does provide a considerable degree of security, but by no
means enough, for is one ever free from anxieties inside it? These anxieties
are different from ordinary ones, prouder, richer in content, often long
repressed, but in their destructive effects they are perhaps much the same as
the anxieties that existence in the outer world gives rise to. Had I
constructed the burrow exclusively to assure my safety I would not have been
disappointed, it is true; nevertheless the relation between the enormous labor
involved and the actual security it would provide, at least insofar as I could
feel it and profit by it, would not have been in my favor. It is extremely
painful to have to admit such things to oneself, but one is forced to do it,
confronted by that entrance over there which now literally locks and bars
itself against me, the builder and possessor. Yet the burrow is not a mere hole
for taking refuge in. When I stand in the Castle Keep surrounded by my piled-up
stores, surveying the ten passages which begin there, raised and sunken
passages, vertical and rounded passages, wide and narrow passages, as the
general plan dictates, and all alike still and empty, ready by their various
routes to conduct me to all the other rooms, which are also still and empty --
then all thought of mere safety is far from my mind, then I know that here is
my castle, which I have wrested from the refractory soil with tooth and claw,
with pounding and hammering blows, my castle which can never belong to anyone
else, and is so essentially mine that I can calmly accept in it even my enemy's
mortal stroke at the final hour, for my blood will ebb away here in my own soil
and not be lost. And what but that is the meaning of the blissful hours which I
pass, now peacefully slumbering, now happily keeping watch, in these passages,
these passages which suit me so well, where one can stretch oneself out in
comfort, roll about in childish delight, lie and dream, or sink into blissful
sleep. And the smaller rooms, each familiar to me, so familiar that in spite of
their complete similarity I can clearly distinguish one from the other with my
eyes shut by the mere feel of the wall: they enclose me more peacefully and
warmly than a bird is enclosed in its nest. And all, all still and empty.
But if that is the case, why do I
hang back? Why do I dread the thought of the intruding enemy more than the
possibility of never seeing my burrow again? Well, the latter alternative is
fortunately an impossibility; there is no need for me even to take thought to
know what the burrow means to me; I and the burrow belong so indissolubly
together that in spite of all my fears I could make myself quite comfortable
out here, and not even need to overcome my repugnance and open the door; I
could be quite content to wait here passively, for nothing can part us for long,
and somehow or other I shall quite certainly find myself in my burrow again.
But on the other hand how much time may pass before then, and how many things
may happen in that time, up here no less than down there? And it lies with me
solely to curtail that interval and to do what is necessary at once.
And then, too exhausted to be any
longer capable of thought, my head hanging, my legs trembling with fatigue,
half asleep, feeling my way rather than walking, I approach the entrance,
slowly raise the moss covering, slowly descend, leaving the door open in my
distraction for a needlessly long time, and presently remember my omission, and
get out again to make it good -- but what need was there to get out for that?
All that was needed was to draw to the moss covering; right; so I creep in
again and now at last draw to the moss covering. Only in this state, and in
this state alone, can I achieve my descent. So at last I lie down beneath the
moss on the top of my bloodstained spoil and can now enjoy my longed-for sleep.
Nothing disturbs me, no one has tracked me down, above the moss everything
seems to be quiet thus far at least, but even if all were not quiet I question
whether I could stop to keep watch now; I have changed my place, I have left
the upper world and am in my burrow, and I feel its effect at once. It is a new
world, endowing me with new powers, and what I felt as fatigue up there is no
longer that here. I have returned from a journey dog-tired with my wanderings,
but the sight of the old house, the thought of all the things that are waiting
to be done, the necessity at least to cast a glance at all the rooms, but above
all to make my way immediately to the Castle Keep; all this transforms my
fatigue into ardent zeal; it is as though at the moment when I set foot in the
burrow I had wakened from a long and profound sleep. My first task is a very
laborious one and requires all my attention; I mean getting my spoil through
the narrow and thin-walled passages of the labyrinth. I shove with all my
might, and the work gets done too, but far too slowly for me; to hasten it I
drag part of my flesh supply back again and push my way over it and through it;
now I have only a portion of my spoil before me and it is easier to make
progress; but my road is so blocked by all this flesh in these narrow passages,
through which it is not always easy for me to make my way even when I am alone,
that I could quite easily smother among my own stores; sometimes I can only
rescue myself from their pressure by eating and drinking a clear space for
myself. But the work of transport is successful, I finish it in quite a
reasonable time, the labyrinth is behind me, I reach an ordinary passage and
breathe freely, push my spoil through a communication passage into a main
passage expressly designed for the purpose, a passage sloping down steeply to
the Castle Keep. What is left to be done is not really work at all; my whole
load rolls and flows down the passage almost of itself. The Castle Keep at
last! At last I can dare to rest. Everything is unchanged, no great mishap
seems to have occurred, the few little defects that I note at a first glance
can soon be repaired; first, however, I must go my long round of all the
passages, but that is no hardship, that is merely to commune again with
friends, as I often did in the old days or -- I am not so very old yet, but my
memory of many things is already quite confused -- as I often did, or as I have
often heard that it was done. Now I begin with the second passage, purposefully
slow, now that I have seen the Castle Keep I have endless time -- inside the
burrow I always have endless time -- for everything I do there is good and
important and satisfies me somehow. I begin with the second passage, but break
off in the middle and turn into the third passage and let it take me back again
to the Castle Keep, and now of course I have to begin at the second passage
once more, and so I play with my task and lengthen it out and smile to myself
and enjoy myself and become quite dazed with all the work in front of me, but
never think of turning aside from it. It is for your sake, ye passages and
rooms, and you, Castle Keep, above all, that I have come back, counting my own
life as nothing in the balance, after stupidly trembling for it for so long,
and postponing my return to you. What do I care for danger now that I am with
you? You belong to me, I to you, we are united; what can harm us? What if my
foes should be assembling even now up above there and their muzzles be
preparing to break through the moss? And with its silence and emptiness the
burrow answers me, confirming my words. But now a feeling of lassitude
overcomes me and in some favorite room I curl myself up tentatively, I have not
yet surveyed everything by a long way, though still resolved to examine
everything to the very end; I have no intention of sleeping here, I have merely
yielded to the temptation of making myself comfortable and pretending I want to
sleep, I merely wish to find out if this is as good a place for sleeping as it
used to be. It is, but it is a better place for sleep than for waking, and I
remain lying where I am in deep slumber.
I must have slept for a long time. I
was only wakened when I had reached the last light sleep which dissolves of
itself, and it must have been very light, for it was an almost inaudible
whistling noise that wakened me. I recognized what it was immediately; the
small fry, whom I had allowed far too much latitude, had burrowed a new channel
somewhere during my absence, this channel must have chanced to intersect an
older one, the air was caught there, and that produced the whistling noise.
What an indefatigably busy lot these small fry are, and what a nuisance their
diligence can be! First I shall have to listen at the walls of my passages and
locate the place of disturbance by experimental excavations, and only then will
I be able to get rid of the noise. However, this new channel may be quite
welcome as a further means of ventilation, if it can be fitted into the plan of
the burrow. But after this I shall keep a much sharper eye on the small fry
than I used to; I shall spare none of them.
As I have a good deal of experience
in investigations of this kind the work probably will not take me long and I
can start upon it at once; there are other jobs awaiting me, it is true, but
this is the most urgent. I must have silence in my passages. This noise,
however, is a comparatively innocent one; I did not hear it at all when I first
arrived, although it must certainly have been there; I must first feel quite at
home before I could hear it; it is, so to speak, audible only to the ear of the
householder. And it is not even constant, as such noises usually are; there are
long pauses, obviously caused by stoppages of the current of air. I start on my
investigations, but I can't find the right place to begin at, and though I cut
a few trenches I do it at random; naturally that has no effect, and the hard
work of digging and the still harder work of filling the trenches up again and
beating the earth firm is so much labor lost. I don't seem to be getting any
nearer to the place where the noise is, it goes on always on the same thin
note, with regular pauses, now a sort of whistling, but again like a kind of
piping. Now I could leave it to itself for the time being; it is very
disturbing, certainly, but there can hardly be any doubt that its origin is
what I took it to be at first; so it can scarcely become louder, on the
contrary, such noises may quite well -- though until now I have never had to
wait so long for that to happen -- may quite well vanish of themselves in the
course of time through the continued labors of these little burrowers; and
apart from that, often chance itself puts one on the track of the disturbance,
where systematic investigation has failed for a long time. In such ways I
comfort myself, and resolve simply to continue my tour of the passages, and
visit the rooms, many of which I have not even seen yet since my return, and
enjoy myself contemplating the Castle Keep now and then between times; but my anxiety
will not let me, and I must go on with my search. These little creatures take
up much, far too much, time that could be better employed. In such cases as the
present it is usually the technical problem that attracts me; for example, from
the noise, which my ear can distinguish in all its finest shades, so that it
has a perfectly clear outline to me, I deduce its cause, and now I am on fire
to discover whether my conclusion is valid. And with good reason, for as long
as that is not established I cannot feel safe, even if it were merely a matter
of discovering where a grain of sand that had fallen from one of the walls had
rolled to. And a noise such as this is by no means a trifling matter, regarded
from that angle. But whether trifling or important, I can find nothing, no
matter how hard I search, or it may be that I find too much. This had to happen
just in my favorite room, I think to myself, and I walk a fair distance away
from it, almost halfway along the passage leading to the next room; I do this
more as a joke, pretending to myself that my favorite room is not alone to
blame, but that there are disturbances elsewhere as well, and with a smile on
my face I begin to listen; but soon I stop smiling, for, right enough, the same
whistling meets me here too. It is really nothing to worry about; sometimes I
think that nobody but myself would hear it; it is true, I hear it now more and
more distinctly, for my ear has grown keener through practice; though in
reality it is exactly the same noise wherever I may hear it, as I have
convinced myself by comparing my impressions. Nor is it growing louder; I
recognize this when I listen in the middle of the passage instead of pressing
my ear against the wall. Then it is only with an effort, indeed with great intentness,
that I can more guess at than hear the merest trace of a noise now and then.
But it is this very uniformity of the noise everywhere that disturbs me most,
for it cannot be made to agree with my original assumption. Had I rightly
divined the cause of the noise, then it must have issued with greatest force
from some given place, which it would be my task to discover, and after that
have grown fainter and fainter. But if my hypothesis does not meet the case,
what can the explanation be? There still remains the possibility that there are
two noises, that up to now I have been listening at a good distance from the
two centers, and that while its noise increases, when I draw near to one of
them, the total result remains approximately the same for the ear in consequence
of the lessening volume of sound from the other center. Already I have almost
fancied sometimes, when I have listened carefully, that I could distinguish, if
very indistinctly, differences of tone which support this new assumption. In
any case I must extend my sphere of investigation much farther than I have
done. Accordingly I descend the passage to the Castle Keep and begin to listen
there. Strange, the same noise there too. Now it is a noise produced by the
burrowing of some species of small fry who have infamously exploited my
absence; in any case they have no intention of doing me harm, they are simply
busied with their own work, and so long as no obstacle comes in their way they
will keep on in the direction they have taken: I know all this, yet that they
should have dared to approach the very Castle Keep itself is incomprehensible
to me and fills me with agitation, and confuses the faculties which I need so
urgently for the work before me. Here I have no wish to discover whether it is
the unusual depth at which the Castle Keep lies, or its great extent and
correspondingly powerful air suction, calculated to scare burrowing creatures
away, or the mere fact that it is the Castle Keep, that by some channel or
other has penetrated to their dull minds. In any case, I have never noticed any
sign of burrowing in the walls of the Castle Keep until now. Crowds of little
beasts have come here, it is true, attracted by the powerful smells; here I
have had a constant hunting ground, but my quarry has always burrowed a way
through in the upper passages, and come running down here, somewhat fearfully,
but unable to withstand such a temptation. But now, it seems, they are
burrowing in all the passages. If I had only carried out the best of the grand
plans I thought out in my youth and early manhood, or rather, if I had only had
the strength to carry them out, for there would have been no lack of will. One
of these favorite plans of mine was to isolate the Castle Keep from its
surroundings, that is to say, to restrict the thickness of its walls to about
my own height, and leave a free space of about the same width all around the
Castle Keep, except for a narrow foundation, which unfortunately would have to
be left to bear up the whole. I had always pictured this free space, and not
without reason, as the loveliest imaginable haunt. What a joy to lie pressed
against the rounded outer wall, pull oneself up, let oneself slide down again,
miss one's footing and find oneself on firm earth, and play all those games literally
upon the Castle Keep and not inside it; to avoid the Castle Keep, to rest one's
eyes from it whenever one wanted, to postpone the joy of seeing it until later
and yet not have to do without it, but literally hold it safe between one's
claws, a thing that is impossible if you have only an ordinary open entrance to
it; but above all to be able to stand guard over it, and in that way to be so
completely compensated for renouncing the actual sight of it that, if one had
to choose between staying all one's life in the Castle Keep or in the free
space outside it, one would choose the latter, content to wander up and down
there all one's days and keep guard over the Castle Keep. Then there would be
no noises in the walls, no insolent burrowing up to the very Keep itself; then
peace would be assured there and I would be its guardian; then I would not have
to listen with loathing to the burrowing of the small fry, but with delight to
something that I cannot hear now at all: the murmurous silence of the Castle Keep.
But that beautiful dream is past and
I must set to work, almost glad that now my work has a direct connection with
the Castle Keep, for that wings it. Certainly, as I can see more and more
clearly, I need all my energies for this task, which at first seemed quite a
trifling one. I listen now at the walls of the Castle Keep, and wherever I
listen, high or low, at the roof or the floor, at the entrance or in the
corners, everywhere, everywhere, I hear the same noise. And how much time, how
much care must be wasted in listening to that noise, with its regular pauses.
One can, if one wishes, find a tiny deceitful comfort in the fact that here in
the Castle Keep, because of its vastness, one hears nothing at all, as
distinguished from the passages, when one stands back from the walls. Simply as
a rest and a means to regain my composure I often make this experiment, listen
intently and am overjoyed when I hear nothing. But the question still remains,
what can have happened? Confronted with this phenomenon my original explanation
completely falls to the ground. But I must also reject other explanations which
present themselves to me. One could assume, for instance, that the noise I hear
is simply that of the small fry themselves at their work. But all my experience
contradicts this; I cannot suddenly begin to hear now a thing that I have never
heard before though it was always there. My sensitiveness to disturbances in
the burrow has perhaps become greater with the years, yet my hearing has by no
means grown keener. It is of the very nature of small fry not to be heard.
Would I have tolerated them otherwise? Even at the risk of starvation I would
have exterminated them. But perhaps -- this idea now insinuates itself -- I am
concerned here with some animal unknown to me. That is possible. True, I have
observed the life down here long and carefully enough, but the world is full of
diversity and is never wanting in painful surprises. Yet it cannot be a single
animal, it must be a whole swarm that has suddenly fallen upon my domain, a
huge swarm of little creatures, which, as they are audible, must certainly be
bigger than the small fry, but yet cannot be very much bigger, for the sound of
their labors is itself very faint. It may be, then, a swarm of unknown creatures
on their wanderings, who happen to be passing by my way, who disturb me, but
will presently cease to do so. So I could really wait for them to pass, and
need not put myself to the trouble of work that will be needless in the end.
Yet if these creatures are strangers, why is it that I never see any of them? I
have already dug a host of trenches, hoping to catch one of them, but I can
find not a single one. Then it occurs to me that they may be quite tiny
creatures, far tinier than any I am acquainted with, and that it is only the
noise they make that is greater. Accordingly I investigate the soil I have dug
up, I cast the lumps into the air so that they break into quite small
particles, but the noisemakers are not among them. Slowly I come to realize
that by digging such small fortuitous trenches I achieve nothing; in doing that
I merely disfigure the walls of my burrow, scratching hastily here and there
without taking time to fill up the holes again; at many places already there
are heaps of earth which block my way and my view. Still, that is only a
secondary worry; for now I can neither wander about my house, nor review it,
nor rest; often already I have fallen asleep at my work in some hole or other,
with one paw clutching the soil above me, from which in a semistupor I have
been trying to tear a lump. I intend now to alter my methods. I shall dig a
wide and carefully constructed trench in the direction of the noise and not
cease from digging until, independent of all theories, I find the real cause of
the noise. Then I shall eradicate it, if that is within my power, and if it is
not, at least I shall know the truth. That truth will bring me either peace or
despair, but whether the one or the other, it will be beyond doubt or question.
This decision strengthens me. All that I have done till now seems to me far too
hasty; in the excitement of my return, while I had not yet shaken myself free
from the cares of the upper world, and was not yet completely penetrated by the
peace of the burrow, but rather hypersensitive at having had to renounce it for
such a long time, I was thrown into complete confusion of mind by an unfamiliar
noise. And what was it? A faint whistling, audible only at long intervals, a
mere nothing to which I don't say that one could actually get used, for no one
could get used to it, but which one could, without actually doing anything
about it at once, observe for a while; that is, listen every few hours, let us
say, and patiently register the results, instead of, as I had done, keeping one's
ear fixed to the wall and at every hint of noise tearing out a lump of earth,
not really hoping to find anything, but simply so as to do something to give
expression to one's inward agitation. All that will be changed now, I hope. And
then, with furious shut eyes, I have to admit to myself that I hope nothing of
the kind, for I am still trembling with agitation just as I was hours ago, and
if my reason did not restrain me I would probably like nothing better than to
start stubbornly and defiantly digging, simply for the sake of digging, at some
place or other, whether I heard anything there or not; almost like the small
fry, who burrow either without any object at all or simply because they eat the
soil. My new and reasonable plan both tempts me and leaves me cold. There is
nothing in it to object to, I at least know of no objection; it is bound, so
far as I can see, to achieve my aim. And yet at bottom I do not believe in it;
I believe in it so little that I do not even fear the terrors which its success
may well bring, I do not believe even in a dreadful denouement; indeed it seems
to me that I have been thinking ever since the first appearance of the noise of
such a methodical trench, and have not begun upon it until now simply because I
put no trust in it. In spite of that I shall of course start on the trench; I
have no other alternative; but I shall not start at once, I shall postpone the
task for a little while. If reason is to be reinstated on the throne, it must
be completely reinstated; I shall not rush blindly into my task. In any case I
shall first repair the damage that I have done to the burrow with my wild
digging; that will take a good long time, but it is necessary; if the new
trench is really to reach its goal it will probably be long, and if it should
lead to nothing at all it will be endless; in any case this task means a
longish absence from the burrow, though an absence by no means so painful as an
absence in the upper world, for I can interrupt my work whenever I like and pay
a visit to my house; and even if I should not do that the air of Castle Keep
will be wafted to me and surround me while I work; nevertheless it means
leaving the burrow and surrendering myself to an uncertain fate, and
consequently I want to leave the burrow in good order behind me; it shall not
be said that I, who am fighting for its peace, have myself destroyed that peace
without reinstating it at once. So I begin by shoveling the soil back into the
holes from which it was taken, a kind of work I am familiar with, that I have
done countless times almost without regarding it as work, and at which,
particularly as regards the final pressing and smoothing down -- and this is no
empty boast, but the simple truth -- I am unbeatable. But this time everything
seems difficult, I am too distracted, every now and then, in the middle of my
work, I press my ear to the wall and listen, and without taking any notice let
the soil that I have just lifted trickle back into the passage again. The final
embellishments, which demand a stricter attention, I can hardly achieve at all.
Hideous protuberances, disturbing cracks remain, not to speak of the fact that
the old buoyancy simply cannot be restored again to a wall patched up in such a
way. I try to comfort myself with the reflection that my present work is only
temporary. When I return after peace has been restored I shall repair
everything properly: work will be mere play to me then. Oh yes, work is mere
play in fairy tales, and this comfort of mine belongs to the realm of fairy
tales too. It would be far better to do the work thoroughly now, at once, far
more reasonable than perpetually to interrupt it and wander off through the
passages to discover new sources of noise, which is easy enough, all that is
needed being to stop at any point one likes and listen. And that is not the end
of my useless discoveries. Sometimes I fancy that the noise has stopped, for it
makes long pauses; sometimes such a faint whistling escapes one, one's own
blood is pounding all too loudly in one's ears; then two pauses come one after
another, and for a while one thinks that the whistling has stopped forever. I
listen no longer, I jump up, all life is transfigured; it is as if the
fountains from which flows the silence of the burrow were unsealed. I refrain from
verifying my discovery at once, I want first to find someone to whom in all
good faith I can confide it, so I rush to the Castle Keep, I remember, for I
and everything in me has awakened to new life, that I have eaten nothing for a
long time, I snatch something or other from among my store of food half-buried
under the debris and hurriedly begin to swallow it while I hurry back to the
place where I made my incredible discovery, I only want to assure myself about
it incidentally, perfunctorily, while I am eating; I listen, but the most
perfunctory listening shows at once that I was shamefully deceived: away there
in the distance the whistling still remains unshaken. And I spit out my food,
and would like to trample it underfoot, and go back to my task, not caring
which I take up; anyplace where it seems to be needed, and there are enough
places like that, I mechanically start on something or other, just as if the
overseer had appeared and I must make a pretense of working for his benefit.
But hardly have I begun to work in this fashion when it may happen that I make
a new discovery. The noise seems to have become louder, not much louder, of
course -- here it is always a matter of the subtlest shades -- but all the same
sufficiently louder for the ear to recognize it clearly. And this
growing-louder is like a coming-nearer; still more distinctly than you hear the
increasing loudness of the noise, you can literally see the step that brings it
closer to you. You leap back from the wall, you try to grasp at once all the
possible consequences that this discovery will bring with it. You feel as if
you had never really organized the burrow for defense against attack; you had
intended to do so, but despite all your experience of life the danger of an
attack, and consequently the need to organize the place for defense, seemed
remote -- or rather not remote (how could it possibly be!) -- but infinitely
less important than the need to put it in a state where one could live
peacefully; and so that consideration was given priority in everything relating
to the burrow. Many things in this direction might have been done without
affecting the plan of the whole; most incomprehensibly they have been
neglected. I have had a great deal of luck all those years, luck has spoiled
me; I have had anxieties, but anxiety leads to nothing when you have luck to
back you.
The thing to do, really to do now,
would be to go carefully over the burrow and consider every possible means of
defending it, work out a plan of defense and a corresponding plan of
construction, and then start on the work at once with the vigor of youth. That
is the work that would really be needed, for which, I may add, it is now far
too late in the day; yet that is what would really be needed, and not the
digging of a grand experimental trench, whose only real result would be to
deliver me hand and foot to the search for danger, out of the foolish fear that
it will not arrive quickly enough of itself. Suddenly I cannot comprehend my
former plan. I can find no slightest trace of reason in what had seemed so
reasonable; once more I lay aside my work and even my listening; I have no wish
to discover any further signs that the noise is growing louder; I have had
enough of discoveries; I let everything slide; I would be quite content if I
could only still the conflict going on within me. Once more I let my passages
lead me where they will, I come to more and more remote ones that I have not
yet seen since my return, and that are quite unsullied by my scratching paws,
and whose silence rises up to meet me and sinks into me. I do not surrender to
it, I hurry on, I do not know what I want, probably simply to put off the hour.
I stray so far that I find myself at the labyrinth; the idea of listening
beneath the moss covering tempts me; such distant things, distant for the
moment, chain my interest. I push my way up and listen. Deep stillness; how
lovely it is here, outside there nobody troubles about my burrow, everybody has
his own affairs, which have no connection with me; how have I managed to
achieve this? Here under the moss covering is perhaps the only place in my
burrow now where I can listen for hours and hear nothing. A complete reversal
of things in the burrow; what was once the place of danger has become a place
of tranquility, while the Castle Keep has been plunged into the melee of the
world and all its perils. Still worse, even here there is no peace in reality,
here nothing has changed; silent or vociferous, danger lies in ambush as before
above the moss, but I have grown insensitive to it, my mind is far too much
taken up with the whistling in my walls. Is my mind really taken up with it? It
grows louder, it comes nearer, but I wriggle my way through the labyrinth and
make a couch for myself up here under the moss; it is almost as if I were
already leaving the house to the whistler, content if I can only have a little
peace up here. To the whistler? Have I come, then, to a new conclusion
concerning the cause of the noise? But surely the noise is caused by the
channels bored by the small fry? Is not that my considered opinion? It seems to
me that I have not retreated from it thus far. And if the noise is not caused
directly by these channels, it is indirectly. And even if it should have no
connection with them whatever, one is not at liberty to make a priori assumptions,
but must wait until one finds the cause, or it reveals itself. One could play
with hypotheses, of course, even at this stage; for instance, it is possible
that there has been a water burst at some distance away, and what seems a
piping or whistling to me is in reality a gurgling. But apart from the fact
that I have no experience in that sphere -- the groundwater that I found at the
start I drained away at once, and in this sandy soil it has never returned -- apart
from this fact the noise is undeniably a whistling and simply not to be
translated into a gurgling. But what avail all exhortations to be calm; my
imagination will not rest, and I have actually come to believe -- it is useless
to deny it to myself -- that the whistling is made by some beast, and moreover
not by a great many small ones, but by a single big one. Many signs contradict
this. The noise can be heard everywhere and always at the same strength, and
moreover uniformly, both by day and night. At first, therefore, one cannot but
incline to the hypothesis of a great number of little animals; but as I must
have found some of them during my digging and I have found nothing, it only
remains for me to assume the existence of a great beast, especially as the
things that seem to contradict the hypothesis are merely things which make the
beast, not so much impossible, as merely dangerous beyond all one's powers of
conception. For that reason alone have I resisted this hypothesis. I shall
cease from this self-deception. For a long time already I have played with the
idea that the beast can be heard at such a great distance because it works so
furiously; it burrows as fast through the ground as another can walk on the
open road; the ground still trembles at its burrowing when it has ceased; this
reverberation and the noise of the boring itself unite into one sound at such a
great distance, and I, as I hear only the last dying ebb of that sound, hear it
always at the same uniform strength. It follows from this also that the beast
is not making for me, seeing that the noise never changes; more likely it has a
plan in view whose purpose I cannot decipher; I merely assume that the beast --
and I make no claim whatever that it knows of my existence -- is encircling me;
it has probably made several circles around my burrow already since I began to
observe it. The nature of the noise, the piping or whistling, gives me much
food for thought. When I scratch and scrape in the soil in my own fashion the
sound is quite different. I can explain the whistling only in this way: that
the beast's chief means of burrowing is not its claws, which it probably
employs merely as a secondary resource, but its snout or its muzzle, which, of
course, apart from its enormous strength, must also be fairly sharp at the
point. It probably bores its snout into the earth with one mighty push and
tears out a great lump; while it is doing that I hear nothing; that is the
pause; but then it draws in the air for a new push. This indrawal of its breath,
which must be an earthshaking noise, not only because of the beast's strength,
but of its haste, its furious lust for work as well: this noise I hear then as
a faint whistling. But quite incomprehensible remains the beast's capacity to
work without stopping; perhaps the short pauses provide also the opportunity of
snatching a moment's rest; but apparently the beast has never yet allowed
itself a really long rest, day and night it goes on burrowing, always with the
same freshness and vigor, always thinking of its object, which must be achieved
with the utmost expedition, and which it has the ability to achieve with ease.
Now I could not have foreseen such an opponent. But apart altogether from the
beast's peculiar characteristics, what is happening now is only something which
I should really have feared all the time, something against which I should have
been constantly prepared: the fact that someone would come. By what chance can
everything have flowed on so quietly and happily for such a long time? Who can
have diverted my enemies from their path, and forced them to make a wide detour
around my property? Why have I been spared for so long, only to be delivered to
such terrors now? Compared with this, what are all the petty dangers in
brooding over which I have spent my life! Had I hoped, as owner of the burrow,
to be in a stronger position than any enemy who might chance to appear? But
simply by virtue of being owner of this great vulnerable edifice I am obviously
defenseless against any serious attack. The joy of possessing it has spoiled
me, the vulnerability of the burrow has made me vulnerable; any wound to it
hurts me as if I myself were hit. It is precisely this that I should have
foreseen; instead of thinking only of my own defense -- and how perfunctorily
and vainly I have done even that -- I should have thought of the defense of the
burrow. Above all, provision should have been made for cutting off sections of
the burrow, and as many as possible of them, from the endangered sections when
they are attacked; this should have been done by means of improvised
landslides, calculated to operate at a moment's notice; moreover these should
have been so thick, and have provided such an effectual barrier, that the
attacker would not even guess that the real burrow only began at the other
side. More, these landslides should have been so devised that they not only
concealed the burrow, but also entombed the attacker. Not the slightest attempt
have I made to carry out such a plan, nothing at all has been done in this
direction, I have been as thoughtless as a child, I have passed my manhood's
years in childish games, I have done nothing but play even with the thought of
danger, I have shirked really taking thought for actual danger. And there has
been no lack of warning.
Nothing, of course, approaching the
present situation has happened before; nevertheless there was an incident not
unlike it when the burrow was only beginning. The main difference between that
time and this is simply that the burrow was only beginning then. . . In those
days I was literally nothing more than a humble apprentice, the labyrinth was
only sketched out in rough outline, I had already dug a little room, but the
proportions and the execution of the walls were sadly bungled; in short, everything
was so tentative that it could only be regarded as an experiment, as something
which, if one lost patience some day, one could leave behind without much
regret. Then one day as I lay on a heap of earth resting from my labors -- I
have rested far too often from my labors all my life -- suddenly I heard a
noise in the distance. Being young at the time, I was less frightened than
curious. I left my work to look after itself and set myself to listen; I
listened and listened, and had no wish to fly up to my moss covering and
stretch myself out there so that I might not have to hear. I did listen, at
least. I could clearly recognize that the noise came from some kind of
burrowing similar to my own; it was somewhat fainter, of course, but how much
of that might be put down to the distance one could not tell. I was intensely
interested, but otherwise calm and cool. Perhaps I am in somebody else's
burrow, I thought to myself, and now the owner is boring his way toward me. If
that assumption had proved to be correct I would have gone away, for I have
never had any desire for conquest or bloodshed, and begun building somewhere
else. But after all I was still young and still without a burrow, so I could
remain quite cool. Besides, the further course of the noise brought no real
cause for apprehension, except that it was not easy to explain. If whoever was
boring there was really making for me, because he had heard me boring, then if
he changed his direction, as now actually happened, it could not be told
whether he did this because my pause for rest had deprived him of any definite
point to make toward, or because -- which was more plausible -- he had himself
changed his plans. But perhaps I had been deceived altogether, and he had never
been actually making in my direction; at any rate the noise grew louder for a
while as if he were drawing nearer, and being young at that time I probably
would not have been displeased to see the burrower suddenly rising from the
ground; but nothing of that kind happened, at a certain point the sound of
boring began to weaken, it grew fainter and fainter, as if the burrower were
gradually diverging from his first route, and suddenly it broke off altogether,
as if he had decided now to take the diametrically opposite direction and were making
straight away from me into the distance. For a long time I still went on
listening for him in the silence, before I returned once more to my work. Now
that warning was definite enough, but I soon forgot it, and it scarcely
influenced my building plans.
Between that day and this lie my
years of maturity, but is it not as if there were no interval at all between
them? I still take long rests from my labors and listen at the wall, and the
burrower has changed his intention anew, he has turned back, he is returning
from his journey, thinking he has given me ample time in the interval to
prepare for his reception. But on my side everything is worse prepared for than
it was then; the great burrow stands defenseless, and I am no longer a young
apprentice, but an old architect, and the powers I still have fail me when the
decisive hour comes; yet old as I am it seems to me that I would gladly be
still older, so old that I should never be able to rise again from my resting
place under the moss. For to be honest I cannot endure the place, I rise up and
rush, as if I had filled myself up there with new anxieties instead of peace,
down into the house again. What was the state of things the last time I was
here? Had the whistling grown fainter? No, it had grown louder. I listen at ten
places chosen at random and clearly notice the deception; the whistling is just
the same as ever, nothing has altered. Over there, there are no changes, there
one is calm and not worried about time; but here every instant frets and gnaws
at the listener. I go once more the long road to the Castle Keep, all my
surroundings seem filled with agitation, seem to be looking at me, and then
look away again so as not to disturb me, yet cannot refrain the very next
moment from trying to read the saving solution from my expression. I shake my
head, I have not yet found any solution. Nor do I go to the Castle Keep in
pursuance of any plan. I pass the spot where I had intended to begin the
experimental trench, I look it over once more, it would have been an admirable
place to begin at, the trench's course would have been in the direction where
lay the majority of the tiny ventilation holes, which would have greatly
lightened my labors; perhaps I should not have had to dig very far, should not
even have had to dig to the source of the noise; perhaps if I had listened at
the ventilation holes it would have been enough. But no consideration is potent
enough to animate me to this labor of digging. This trench will bring me
certainty, you say? I have reached the stage where I no longer wish to have
certainty. In the Castle Keep I choose a lovely piece of flayed red flesh and
creep with it into one of the heaps of earth; there I shall have silence at
least, such silence, at any rate, as still can be said to exist here. I munch
and nibble at the flesh, think of the strange beast going its own road in the
distance, and then again that I should enjoy my store of food as fully as
possible, while I still have the chance. This last is probably the sole plan I
have left that I can carry out. For the rest I try to unriddle the beast's
plans. Is it on its wanderings, or is it working on its own burrow? If it is on
its wanderings then perhaps an understanding with it might be possible. If it
should really break through to the burrow I shall give it some of my stores and
it will go on its way again. It will go its way again, a fine story! Lying in
my heap of earth I can naturally dream of all sorts of things, even of an
understanding with the beast, though I know well enough that no such thing can
happen, and that at the instant when we see each other, more, at the moment
when we merely guess at each other's presence, we shall both blindly bare our
claws and teeth, neither of us a second before or after the other, both of us
filled with a new and different hunger, even if we should already be gorged to
bursting. And with entire justice, for who, even if he were merely on his
wanderings, would not change his itinerary and his plans for the future on
catching sight of the burrow? But perhaps the beast is digging in its own
burrow, in which case I cannot even dream of an understanding. Even if it
should be such a peculiar beast that its burrow could tolerate a neighbor, my
burrow could not tolerate a neighbor, at least not a clearly audible one. Now
actually the beast seems to be a great distance away; if it would only withdraw
a little farther the noise too would probably disappear; perhaps in that case
everything would be peaceful again as in the old days; all this would then become
a painful but salutary lesson, spurring me on to make the most diverse
improvements on the burrow; if I have peace, and danger does not immediately
threaten me, I am still quite fit for all sorts of hard work; perhaps,
considering the enormous possibilities which its powers of work open before it,
the beast has given up the idea of extending'its burrow in my direction, and is
compensating itself for that in some other one. That consummation also cannot,
of course, be brought about by negotiation, but only by the beast itself, or by
some compulsion exercised from my side. In both cases the decisive factor will
be whether the beast knows about me, and if so what it knows. The more I
reflect upon it the more improbable does it seem to me that the beast has even
heard me; it is possible, though I can't imagine it, that it can have received
news of me in some other way, but it has certainly never heard me. So long as I
still knew nothing about it, it simply cannot have heard me, for at that time I
kept very quiet, nothing could be more quiet than my return to the burrow;
afterwards, when I dug the experimental trenches, perhaps it could have heard
me, though my style of digging makes very little noise; but if it had heard me
I must have noticed some sign of it, the beast must at least have stopped its
work every now and then to listen. But all remained unchanged.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Josephine
the Singer,
or
the Mouse Folk
Our
singer is called Josephine. Anyone who has not heard her does not know
the power of song. There is no one but is carried away by her singing, a
tribute all the greater as we are not in general a music-loving race. Tranquil
peace is the music we love best; our life is hard, we are no longer able, even
on occasions when we have tried to shake off the cares of daily life, to rise
to anything so high and remote from our usual routine as music. But we do not
much lament that; we do not get even so far; a certain practical cunning, which
admittedly we stand greatly in need of, we hold to be our greatest distinction,
and with a smile born of such cunning we are wont to console ourselves for all
shortcomings, even supposing -- only it does not happen -- that we were to
yearn once in a way for the kind of bliss which music may provide. Josephine is
the sole exception; she has a love for music and knows too how to transmit it;
she is the only one; when she dies, music -- who knows for how long -- will
vanish from our lives.
I have often thought about what this
music of hers really means. For we are quite unmusical; how is it that we
understand Josephine's singing or, since Josephine denies that, at least think
we can understand it. The simplest answer would be that the beauty of her
singing is so great that even the most insensitive cannot be deaf to it, but
this answer is not satisfactory. If it were really so, her singing would have
to give one an immediate and lasting feeling of being something out of the
ordinary, a feeling that from her throat something is sounding which we have
never heard before and which we are not even capable of hearing, something that
Josephine alone and no one else can enable us to hear. But in my opinion that
is just what does not happen, I do not feel this and have never observed that
others feel anything of the kind. Among intimates we admit freely to one
another that Josephine's singing, as singing, is nothing out of the ordinary.
Is it in fact singing at all?
Although we are unmusical we have a tradition of singing; in the old days our
people did sing; this is mentioned in legends and some songs have actually
survived, which, it is true, no one can now sing. Thus we have an inkling of
what singing is, and Josephine's art does not really correspond to it. So is it
singing at all? Is it not perhaps just a piping? And piping is something we all
know about, it is the real artistic accomplishment of our people, or rather no
mere accomplishment but a characteristic expression of our life. We all pipe,
but of course no one dreams of making out that our piping is an art, we pipe
without thinking of it, indeed without noticing it, and there are even many
among us who are quite unaware that piping is one of our characteristics. So if
it were true that Josephine does not sing but only pipes and perhaps, as it
seems to me at least, hardly rises above the level of our usual piping -- yet,
perhaps her strength is not even quite equal to our usual piping, whereas an
ordinary farmhand can keep it up effortlessly all day long, besides doing his
work -- if that were all true, then indeed Josephine's alleged vocal skill
might be disproved, but that would merely clear the ground for the real riddle
which needs solving, the enormous influence she has.
After all, it is only a kind of
piping that she produces. If you post yourself quite far away from her and
listen, or, still better, put your judgment to the test, whenever she happens
to be singing along with others, by trying to identify her voice, you will
undoubtedly distinguish nothing but a quite ordinary piping tone, which at most
differs a little from the others through being delicate or weak. Yet if you sit
down before her, it is not merely a piping; to comprehend her art it is
necessary not only to hear but to see her. Even if hers were only our usual
workaday piping, there is first of all this peculiarity to consider, that here
is someone making a ceremonial performance out of doing the usual thing. To
crack a nut is truly no feat, so no one would ever dare to collect an audience
in order to entertain it with nut-cracking. But if all the same one does do
that and succeeds in entertaining the public, then it cannot be a matter of
simple nut-cracking. Or it is a matter of nut-cracking, but it turns out that
we have overlooked the art of cracking nuts because we were too skilled in it
and that this newcomer to it first shows us its real nature, even finding it
useful in making his effects to be rather less expert in nut-cracking than most
of us.
Perhaps it is much the same with
Josephine's singing; we admire in her what we do not at all admire in
ourselves; in this respect, I may say, she is of one mind with us. I was once
present when someone, as of course often happens, drew her attention to the
folk piping everywhere going on, making only a modest reference to it, yet for
Josephine that was more than enough. A smile so sarcastic and arrogant as she
then assumed I have never seen; she, who in appearance is delicacy itself,
conspicuously so even among our people who are prolific in such feminine types,
seemed at that moment actually vulgar; she was at once aware of it herself, by
the way, with her extreme sensibility, and controlled herself. At any rate she
denies any connection between her art and ordinary piping. For those who are of
the contrary opinion she has only contempt and probably unacknowledged hatred.
This is not simple vanity, for the opposition, with which I too am half in
sympathy, certainly admires her no less than the crowd does, but Josephine does
not want mere admiration, she wants to be admired exactly in the way she
prescribes, mere admiration leaves her cold. And when you take a seat before
her, you understand her; opposition is possible only at a distance, when you
sit before her, you know: this piping of hers is no piping.
Since piping is one of our
thoughtless habits, one might think that people would pipe up in Josephine's
audience too; her art makes us feel happy, and when we are happy we pipe; but
her audience never pipes, it sits in mouselike stillness; as if we had become
partakers in the peace we long for, from which our own piping at the very least
holds us back, we make no sound. Is it her singing that enchants us or is it
not rather the solemn stillness enclosing her frail little voice? Once it
happened while Josephine was singing that some silly little thing in all
innocence began to pipe up too. Now it was just the same as what we were
hearing from Josephine; in front of us the piping sound that despite all
rehearsal was still tentative and here in the audience the unselfconscious
piping of a child; it would have been impossible to define the difference; but
yet at once we hissed and whistled the interrupter down, although it would not
really have been necessary, for in any case she would certainly have crawled away
in fear and shame, whereas Josephine struck up her most triumphal notes and was
quite beyond herself, spreading her arms wide and stretching her throat as high
as it could reach.
That is what she is like always,
every trifle, every casual incident, every nuisance, a creaking in the parquet,
a grinding of teeth, a failure in the lighting incites her to heighten the
effectiveness of her song; she believes anyhow that she is singing to deaf
ears; there is no lack of enthusiasm and applause, but she has long learned not
to expect real understanding, as she conceives it. So all disturbance is very
welcome to her; whatever intervenes from outside to hinder the purity of her
song, to be overcome with a slight effort, even with no effort at all, merely
by confronting it, can help to awaken the masses, to teach them not perhaps
understanding but awed respect.
And if small events do her such
service, how much more do great ones. Our life is very uneasy, every day brings
surprises, apprehensions, hopes, and terrors, so that it would be impossible
for a single individual to bear it all did he not always have by day and night
the support of his fellows; but even so it often becomes very difficult;
frequently as many as a thousand shoulders are trembling under a burden that
was really meant only for one pair. Then Josephine holds that her time has
come. So there she stands, the delicate creature, shaken by vibrations
especially below the breastbone, so that one feels anxious for her, it is as if
she has concentrated all her strength on her song, as if from everything in her
that does not directly subserve her singing all strength has been withdrawn,
almost all power of life, as if she were laid bare, abandoned, committed merely
to the care of good angels, as if while she is so wholly withdrawn and living
only in her song a cold breath blowing upon her might kill her. But just when
she makes such an appearance, we who are supposed to be her opponents are in
the habit of saying: "She can't even pipe; she has to put such a terrible
strain on herself to force out not a song -- we can't call it song -- but some
approximation to our usual customary piping." So it seems to us, but this
impression although, as I said, inevitable is yet fleeting and transient. We
too are soon sunk in the feeling of the mass, which, warmly pressed body to
body, listens with indrawn breath.
And to gather around her this mass
of our people who are almost always on the run and scurrying hither and thither
for reasons that are often not very clear, Josephine mostly needs to do nothing
else than take up her stand, head thrown back, mouth half-open, eyes turned
upwards, in the position that indicates her intention to sing. She can do this
where she likes, it need not be a place visible a long way off, any secluded
corner pitched on in a moment's caprice will serve as well. The news that she
is going to sing flies around at once and soon whole processions are on the way
there. Now, sometimes, all the same, obstacles intervene, Josephine likes best
to sing just when things are most upset, many worries and dangers force us then
to take devious ways, with the best will in the world we cannot assemble
ourselves as quickly as Josephine wants, and on occasion she stands there in
ceremonial state for quite a time without a sufficient audience -- then indeed
she turns furious, then she stamps her feet, swearing in most unmaidenly
fashion; she actually bites. But even such behavior does no harm to her
reputation; instead of curbing a little her excessive demands, people exert
themselves to meet them; messengers are sent out to summon fresh hearers; she
is kept in ignorance of the fact that this is being done; on the roads all
around sentries can be seen posted who wave on newcomers and urge them to
hurry; this goes on until at last a tolerably large audience is gathered.
What drives the people to make such
exertions for Josephine's sake? This is no easier to answer than the first
question about Josephine's singing, with which it is closely connected. One
could eliminate that and combine them both in the second question, if it were
possible to assert that because of her singing our people are unconditionally
devoted to Josephine. But this is simply not the case; unconditional devotion
is hardly known among us; ours are people who love slyness beyond everything,
without any malice, to be sure, and childish whispering and chatter, innocent,
superficial chatter, to be sure, but people of such a kind cannot go in for
unconditional devotion, and that Josephine herself certainly feels, that is
what she is fighting against with all the force of her feeble throat.
In making such generalized
pronouncements, of course, one should not go too far, our people are all the
same devoted to Josephine, only not unconditionally. For instance, they would
not be capable of laughing at Josephine. It can be admitted: in Josephine there
is much to make one laugh; and laughter for its own sake is never far away from
us; in spite of all the misery of our lives quiet laughter is always, so to
speak, at our elbows; but we do not laugh at Josephine. Many a time I have had
the impression that our people interpret their relationship to Josephine in
this way, that she, this frail creature, needing protection and in some way
remarkable, in her own opinion remarkable for her gift of song, is entrusted to
their care and they must look after her; the reason for this is not clear to
anyone, only the fact seems to be established. But what is entrusted to one's
care one does not laugh at; to laugh would be a breach of duty; the utmost
malice which the most malicious of us wreak on Josephine is to say now and
then: "The sight of Josephine is enough to make one stop laughing."
So the people look after Josephine
much as a father takes into his care a child whose little hand -- one cannot
tell whether in appeal or command -- is stretched out to him. One might think
that our people are not fitted to exercise such paternal duties, but in reality
they discharge them, at least in this case, admirably; no single individual
could do what in this respect the people as a whole are capable of doing. To be
sure, the difference in strength between the people and the individual is so
enormous that it is enough for the nursling to be drawn into the warmth of
their nearness and he is sufficiently protected. To Josephine, certainly, one
does not dare mention such ideas. "Your protection isn't worth an old
song," she says then. Sure, sure, old song, we think. And besides her
protest is no real contradiction, it is rather a thoroughly childish way of
doing, and childish gratitude, while a father's way of doing is to pay no
attention to it.
Yet there is something else behind
it which is not so easy to explain by this relationship between the people and
Josephine. Josephine, that is to say, thinks just the opposite, she believes it
is she who protects the people. When we are in a bad way politically or
economically, her singing is supposed to save us, nothing less than that, and
if it does not drive away the evil, at least gives us the strength to bear it.
She does not put it in these words or in any other, she says very little
anyhow, she is silent among the chatterers, but it flashes from her eyes, on
her closed lips -- few among us can keep their lips closed, but she can -- it
is plainly legible. Whenever we get bad news -- and on many days bad news comes
thick and fast at once, lies and half-truths included -- she rises up at once,
whereas usually she sits listlessly on the ground, she rises up and stretches
her neck and tries to see over the heads of her flock like a shepherd before a
thunderstorm. It is certainly a habit of children, in their wild, impulsive
fashion, to make such claims, but Josephine's are not quite so unfounded as
children's. True, she does not save us and she gives us no strength; it is easy
to stage oneself as a savior of our people, inured as they are to suffering,
not sparing themselves, swift in decision, well acquainted with death, timorous
only to the eye in the atmosphere of reckless daring which they constantly
breathe, and as prolific besides as they are bold -- it is easy, I say, to
stage oneself after the event as the savior of our people, who have always
somehow managed to save themselves, although at the cost of sacrifices which
make historians -- generally speaking we ignore historical research entirely --
quite horror-struck. And yet it is true that just in emergencies we hearken
better than at other times to Josephine's voice. The menaces that loom over us
make us quieter, more humble, more submissive to Josephine's domination; we
like to come together, we like to huddle close to each other, especially on an
occasion set apart from the troubles preoccupying us; it is as if we were
drinking in all haste -- yes, haste is necessary, Josephine too often forgets
that -- from a cup of peace in common before the battle, It is not so much a
performance of songs as an assembly of the people, and an assembly where except
for the small piping voice in front there is complete stillness; the hour is
much too grave for us to waste it in chatter.
A relationship of this kind, of
course, would never content Josephine. Despite all the nervous uneasiness that
fills Josephine because her position has never been quite defined, there is
still much that she does not see, blinded by her self-conceit, and she can be
brought fairly easily to overlook much more, a swarm of flatterers is always
busy about her to this end, thus really doing a public service -- and yet to be
only an incidental, unnoticed performer in a corner of an assembly of the
people, for that, although in itself it would be no small thing, she would
certainly not make us the sacrifice of her singing.
Nor does she need to, for her art
does not go unnoticed. Although we are at bottom preoccupied with quite other
things and it is by no means only for the sake of her singing that stillness
prevails and many a listener does not even look up but buries his face in his
neighbor's fur, so that Josephine up in front seems to be exerting herself to
no purpose, there is yet something -- it cannot be denied -- that irresistibly
makes its way into us from Josephine's piping. This piping, which rises up
where everyone else is pledged to silence, comes almost like a message from the
whole people to each individual; Josephine's thin piping amidst grave decisions
is almost like our people's precarious existence amidst the tumult of a hostile
world. Josephine exerts herself, a mere nothing in voice, a mere nothing in
execution, she asserts herself and gets across to us; it does us good to think
of that. A really trained singer, if ever such a one should be found among us,
we could certainly not endure at such a time and we should unanimously turn
away from the senselessness of any such performance. May Josephine be spared
from perceiving that the mere fact of our listening to her is proof that she is
no singer. An intuition of it she must have, else why does she so passionately
deny that we do listen, only she keeps on singing and piping her intuition
away.
But there are other things she could
take comfort from: we do really listen to her in a sense, probably much as one
listens to a trained singer; she gets effects which a trained singer would try
in vain to achieve among us and which are only produced precisely because her
means are so inadequate. For this, doubtless, our way of life is mainly
responsible.
Among our people there is no age of
youth, scarcely the briefest childhood. Regularly, it is true, demands are put
forward that the children should be granted a special freedom, a special
protection, that their right to be a little carefree, to have a little
senseless giddiness, a little play, that this right should be respected and the
exercise of it encouraged; such demands are put forward and nearly everyone
approves them, there is nothing one could approve more, but there is also
nothing, in the reality of our daily life, that is less likely to be granted,
one approves these demands, one makes attempts to meet them, but soon all the
old ways are back again. Our life happens to be such that a child, as soon as
it can run about a little and a little distinguish one thing from another, must
look after itself just like an adult; the areas on which, for economic reasons,
we have to live in dispersion are too wide, our enemies too numerous, the
dangers lying everywhere in wait for us too incalculable -- we cannot shelter
our children from the struggle for existence, if we did so, it would bring them
to an early grave. These depressing considerations are reinforced by another,
which is not depressing: the fertility of our race. One generation -- and each
is numerous -- treads on the heels of another, the children have no time to be
children. Other races may foster their children carefully, schools may be
erected for their little ones, out of these schools the children may come
pouring daily, the future of the race, yet among them it is always the same
children that come out day after day for a long time. We have no schools, but
from our race come pouring at the briefest intervals the innumerable swarms of
our children, merrily lisping or chirping so long as they cannot yet pipe,
rolling or tumbling along by sheer impetus so long as they cannot yet run,
clumsily carrying everything before them by mass weight so long as they cannot
yet see, our children! And not the same children, as in those schools, no,
always new children again and again, without end, without a break, hardly does
a child appear than it is no more a child, while behind it new childish faces
are already crowding so fast and so thick that they are indistinguishable, rosy
with happiness. Truly, however delightful this may be and however much others
may envy us for it, and rightly, we simply cannot give a real childhood to our
children. And that has its consequences. A kind of unexpended, ineradicable
childishness pervades our people; in direct opposition to what is best in us,
our infallible practical common sense, we often behave with the utmost
foolishness, with exactly the same foolishness as children, senselessly,
wastefully, grandiosely, irresponsibly, and all that often for the sake of some
trivial amusement. And although our enjoyment of it cannot of course be so
wholehearted as a child's enjoyment, something of this survives in it without a
doubt. From this childishness of our people Josephine too has profited since
the beginning.
Yet our people are not only
childish, we are also in a sense prematurely old. Childhood and old age come
upon us not as upon others. We have no youth, we are all at once grown-up, and
then we stay grown-up too long, a certain weariness and hopelessness spreading
from that leaves a broad trail through our people's nature, tough and strong in
hope that it is in general, our lack of musical gifts has surely some
connection with this; we are too old for music, its excitement, its rapture do
not suit our heaviness, wearily we wave it away; we content ourselves with
piping; a little piping here and there, that is enough for us. Who knows, there
may be talents for music among us; but if there were, the character of our
people would suppress them before they could unfold. Josephine on the other
hand can pipe as much as she will, or sing or whatever she likes to call it,
that does not disturb us, that suits us, that we can well put up with; any
music there may be in it is reduced to the least possible trace; a certain
tradition of music is preserved, yet without making the slightest demand upon
us.
But our people, being what they are,
get still more than this from Josephine. At her concerts, especially in times
of stress, it is only the very young who are interested in her singing as
singing, they alone gaze in astonishment as she purses her lips, expels the air
between her pretty front teeth, half dies in sheer wonderment at the sounds she
herself is producing and after such a swooning swells her performance to new
and more incredible heights, whereas the real mass of the people -- this is
plain to see -- are quite withdrawn into themselves. Here in the brief
intervals between their struggles our people dream, it is as if the limbs of
each were loosened, as if the harried individual once in a while could relax
and stretch himself at ease in the great, warm bed of the community. And into
these dreams Josephine's piping drops note by note; she calls it pearl-like, we
call it staccato; but at any rate here it is in its right place, as nowhere
else, finding the moment wait for it as music scarcely ever does. Something of
our poor brief childhood is in it, something of lost happiness that can never
be found again, but also something of active daily life, of its small gaieties,
unaccountable and yet springing up and not to be obliterated. And indeed this
is all expressed not in full round tones but softly, in whispers,
confidentially, sometimes a little hoarsely. Of course it is a kind of piping.
Why not? Piping is our people's daily speech, only many a one pipes his whole
life long and does not know it, where here piping is set free from the fetters
of daily life and it sets us free too for a little while. We certainly should
not want to do without these performances.
But from that point it is a long,
long way to Josephine's claim that she gives us new strength and so on and so
forth. For ordinary people, at least, not for her train of flatterers.
"What other explanation could there be?" -- they say with quite
shameless sauciness -- "how else could you explain the great audiences,
especially when danger is most imminent, which have even often enough hindered
proper precautions being taken in time to avert danger." Now, this last
statement is unfortunately true, but can hardly be counted as one of
Josephine's titles to fame, especially considering that when such large
gatherings have been unexpectedly flushed by the enemy and many of our people
left lying for dead, Josephine, who was responsible for it all, and indeed
perhaps attracted the enemy by her piping, has always occupied the safest place
and was always the first to whisk away quietly and speedily under cover of her
escort. Still, everyone really knows that, and yet people keep running to
whatever place Josephine decides on next, at whatever time she rises up to
sing. One could argue from this that Josephine stands almost beyond the law,
that she can do what she pleases, at the risk of actually endangering the community,
and will be forgiven for everything. If this were so, even Josephine's claims
would be entirely comprehensible, yes, in this freedom to be allowed her, this
extraordinary gift granted to her and to no one else in direct contravention of
the laws, one could see an admission of the fact that the people do not
understand Josephine, just as she alleges, that they marvel helplessly at her
art, feel themselves unworthy of it, try to assuage the pity she rouses in them
by making really desperate sacrifices for her and, to the same extent that her
art is beyond their comprehension, consider her personality and her wishes to
lie beyond their jurisdiction. Well, that is simply not true at all, perhaps as
individuals the people may surrender too easily to Josephine, but as a whole
they surrender unconditionally to no one, and not to her either.
For a long time back, perhaps since
the very beginning of her artistic career, Josephine has been fighting for
exemption from all daily work on account of her singing; she should be relieved
of all responsibility for earning her daily bread and being involved in the
general struggle for existence, which -- apparently -- should be transferred on
her behalf to the people as a whole. A facile enthusiast -- and there have been
such -- might argue from the mere unusualness of this demand, from the
spiritual attitude needed to frame such a demand, that it has an inner
justification. But our people draw other conclusions and quietly refuse it. Nor
do they trouble much about disproving the assumptions on which it is based.
Josephine argues, for instance, that the strain of working is bad for her
voice, that the strain of working is of course nothing to the strain of
singing, but it prevents her from being able to rest sufficiently after singing
and to recuperate for more singing, she has to exhaust her strength completely
and yet, in these circumstances, can never rise to the peak of her abilities.
The people listen to her arguments and pay no attention. Our people, so easily
moved, sometimes cannot be moved at all. Their refusal is sometimes so decided
that even Josephine is taken aback, she appears to submit, does her proper
share of work, sings as best she can, but all only for a time, then with
renewed strength -- for this purpose her strength seems inexhaustible -- she
takes up the fight again.
Now it is clear that what Josephine
really wants is not what she puts into words. She is honorable, she is not
work-shy, shirking in any case is quite unknown among us, if her petition were
granted she would certainly live the same life as before, her work would not at
all get in the way of her singing nor would her singing grow any better -- what
she wants is public, unambiguous, permanent recognition of her art, going far
beyond any precedent so far known. But while almost everything else seems
within her reach, this eludes her persistently. Perhaps she should have taken a
different line of attack from the beginning, perhaps she herself sees that her
approach was wrong, but now she cannot draw back, retreat would be
self-betrayal, now she must stand or fall by her petition.
If she really had enemies, as she
avers, they could get much amusement from watching this struggle, without
having to lift a finger. But she has no enemies, and even though she is often
criticized here and there, no one finds this struggle of hers amusing. Just
because of the fact that the people show themselves here in their cold,
judicial aspect, which is otherwise rarely seen among us. And however one may
approve it in this case, the very idea that such an aspect might be turned upon
oneself some day prevents amusement from breaking in. The important thing, both
in the people's refusal and in Josephine's petition, is not the action itself,
but the fact that the people are capable of presenting a stony, impenetrable
front to one of their own, and that it is all the more impenetrable because in
other respects they show an anxious paternal care, and more than paternal care,
for this very member of the people.
Suppose that instead of the people
one had an individual to deal with: one might imagine that this man had been
giving in to Josephine all the time while nursing a wild desire to put an end
to his submissiveness one fine day; that he had made superhuman sacrifices for Josephine
in the firm belief that there was a natural limit to his capacity for
sacrifice; yes, that he had sacrificed more than was needful merely to hasten
the process, merely to spoil Josephine and encourage her to ask for more and
more until she did indeed reach the limit with this last petition of hers; and
that he then cut her off with a final refusal which was curt because long held
in reserve. Now, this is certainly not how the matter stands, the people have
no need of such guile, besides, their respect for Josephine is well tried and
genuine, and Josephine's demands are after all so far-reaching that any simple
child could have told her what the outcome would be; yet it may be that such
considerations enter into Josephine's way of taking the matter and so add a
certain bitterness to the pain of being refused.
But whatever her ideas on the
subject, she does not let them deter her from pursuing the campaign. Recently
she has even intensified her attack; hitherto she has used only words as her
weapons but now she is beginning to have recourse to other means, which she
thinks will prove more efficacious but which we think will run her into greater
dangers.
Many believe that Josephine is
becoming so insistent because she feels herself growing old and her voice
falling off, and so she thinks it high time to wage the last battle for
recognition. I do not believe it. Josephine would not be Josephine if that were
true. For her there is no growing old and no falling off in her voice. If she
makes demands it is not because of outward circumstances but because of an
inner logic. She reaches for the highest garland not because it is momentarily
hanging a little lower but because it is the highest; if she had any say in the
matter she would have it still higher.
This contempt for external
difficulties, to be sure, does not hinder her from using the most unworthy
methods. Her rights seem beyond question to her; so what does it matter how she
secures them; especially since in this world, as she sees it, honest methods
are bound to fail. Perhaps that is why she has transferred the battle for her
rights from the field of song to another which she cares little about. Her
supporters have let it be known that, according to herself, she feels quite
capable of singing in such a way that all levels of the populace, even to the
remotest corners of the opposition, would find it a real delight, a real
delight not by popular standards, for the people affirm that they have always
delighted in her singing, but a delight by her own standards. However, she
adds, since she cannot falsify the highest standards nor pander to the lowest,
her singing will have to stay as it is. But when it comes to her campaign for
exemption from work, we get a different story; it is of course also a campaign
on behalf of her singing, yet she is not fighting directly with the priceless
weapon of her song, so any instrument she uses is good enough. Thus, for
instance, the rumor went around that Josephine meant to cut short her grace
notes if her petition were not granted. I know nothing about grace notes, and
have never noticed any in Josephine's singing. But Josephine is going to cut
short her grace notes, not, for the present, to cut them out entirely, only to
cut them short. Presumably she has carried out her threat, although I for one
have observed no difference in her performance. The people as a whole listened
in the usual way without making any pronouncement on the grace notes, nor did
their response to her petition vary by a jot. It must be admitted that
Josephine's way of thinking, like her figure, is often very charming. And so,
for instance, after that performance, just as if her decision about the grace
notes had been too severe or too sudden a move against the people, she
announced that next time she would put in all the grace notes again. Yet after
the next concert she changed her mind once more, there was to be definitely an
end of these great arias with the grace notes, and until her petition was
favorably regarded they would never recur. Well, the people let all these
announcements, decisions and counterdecisions go in at one ear and out at the
other, like a grown-up person deep in thought turning a deaf ear to a child's
babble, fundamentally well disposed but not accessible.
Josephine, however, does not give
in. The other day, for instance, she claimed that she had hurt her foot at
work, so that it was difficult for her to stand up to sing; but since she could
not sing except standing up, her songs would now have to be cut short. Although
she limps and leans on her supporters, no one believes that she is really hurt.
Granted that her frail body is extra sensitive, she is yet one of us and we are
a race of workers; if we were to start limping every time we got a scratch, the
whole people would never be done limping. Yet though she lets herself be led
about like a cripple, though she shows herself in this pathetic condition
oftener than usual, the people all the same listen to her singing thankfully
and appreciatively as before, but do not bother much about the shortening of
her songs.
Since she cannot very well go on
limping forever, she thinks of something else, she pleads that she is tired,
not in the mood for singing, feeling faint. And so we get a theatrical
performance as well as a concert. We see Josephine's supporters in the
background begging and imploring her to sing. She would be glad to oblige, but
she cannot. They comfort and caress her with flatteries, they almost carry her
to the selected spot where she is supposed to sing. At last, bursting
inexplicably into tears, she gives way, but when she stands up to sing,
obviously at the end of her resources, weary, her arms not widespread as usual
but hanging lifelessly down, so that one gets the impression that they are
perhaps a little too short -- just as she is about to strike up, there, she
cannot do it after all, an unwilling shake of the head tells us so and she
breaks down before our eyes. To be sure, she pulls herself together again and
sings, I fancy, much as usual; perhaps, if one has an ear for the finer shades
of expression, one can hear that she is singing with unusual feeling, which is,
however, all to the good. And in the end she is actually less tired than
before, with a firm tread, if one can use such a term for her tripping gait,
she moves off, refusing all help from her supporters and measuring with cold
eyes the crowd which respectfully makes way for her.
That happened a day or two ago; but
the latest is that she has disappeared, just at a time when she was supposed to
sing. It is not only her supporters who are looking for her, many are devoting
themselves to the search, but all in vain; Josephine has vanished, she will not
sing; she will not even be cajoled into singing, this time she has deserted us
entirely.
Curious, how mistaken she is in her
calculations, the clever creature, so mistaken that one might fancy she has
made no calculations at all but is only being driven on by her destiny, which
in our world cannot be anything but a sad one. Of her own accord she abandons her
singing, of her own accord she destroys the power she has gained over people's
hearts. How could she ever have gained that power, since she knows so little
about these hearts of ours? She hides herself and does not sing, but our
people, quietly, without visible disappointment, a self-confident mass in
perfect equilibrium, so constituted, even though appearances are misleading,
that they can only bestow gifts and not receive them, even from Josephine, our
people continue on their way.
Josephine's road, however, must go
downhill. The time will soon come when her last notes sound and die into
silence. She is a small episode in the eternal history of our people, and the
people will get over the loss of her. Not that it will be easy for us; how can
our gatherings take place in utter silence? Still, were they not silent even
when Josephine was present? Was her actual piping notably louder and more alive
than the memory of it will be? Was it even in her lifetime more than a simple
memory? Was it not rather because Josephine's singing was already past losing
in this way that our people in their wisdom prized it so highly?
So perhaps we shall not miss so very
much after all, while Josephine, redeemed from the earthly sorrows which to her
thinking lay in wait for all chosen spirits, will happily lose herself in the
numberless throng of the heroes of our people, and soon, since we are no
historians, will rise to the heights of redemption and be forgotten like all
her brothers.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
THE
SHORTER STORIES
Children
on a Country Road
I heard
the wagons rumbling past the garden fence, sometimes I even saw them
through gently swaying gaps in the foliage. How the wood of their spokes and
shafts creaked in the summer heat! Laborers were coming from the fields and
laughing so that it was a scandal.
I was sitting on our little swing,
just resting among the trees in my parents' garden.
On the other side of the fence the
traffic never stopped. Children's running feet were past in a moment; harvest
wagons with men and women perched on and around the sheaves darkened the flower
beds; toward evening I saw a gentleman slowly promenading with a walking stick,
and a couple of girls who met him arm in arm stepped aside into the grass as
they greeted him.
Then birds flew up as if in showers,
I followed them with my eyes and saw how high they soared in one breath, till I
felt not that they were rising but that I was falling, and holding fast to the
ropes began to swing a little out of sheer weakness. Soon I was swinging more
strongly as the air blew colder and instead of soaring birds trembling stars
appeared.
I was given my supper by
candlelight. Often both my arms were on the wooden board and I was already
weary as I bit into my bread and butter. The coarse-mesh window curtains
bellied in the warm wind and many a time some passer-by outside would stay them
with his hands as if he wanted to see me better and speak to me. Usually the
candle soon went out and in the sooty candle smoke the assembled midges went on
circling for a while. If anyone asked me a question from the window I would
gaze at him as if at a distant mountain or into vacancy, nor did he
particularly care whether he got an answer or not. But if one jumped over the
window sill and announced that the others were already waiting, then I did get
to my feet with a sigh.
"What are you sighing for?
What's wrong? Has something dreadful happened that can never be made good?
Shan't we ever recover from it? Is everything lost?"
Nothing was lost. We ran to the
front of the house. "Thank God, here you are at last!" --
"You're always late!" -- "Why just me?" -- "Especially
you, why don't you stay at home if you don't want to come." -- "No
quarter!" -- "No quarter? What kind of way is that to talk?"
We ran our heads full tilt into the
evening. There was no daytime and no nighttime. Now our waistcoat buttons would
be clacking together like teeth, again we would be keeping a steady distance
from each other as we ran, breathing fire like wild beasts in the tropics. Like
cuirassiers in old wars, stamping and springing high, we drove each other down
the short alley and with this impetus in our legs a farther stretch along the
main road. Stray figures went into the ditch, hardly had they vanished down the
dusky escarpment when they were standing like newcomers on the field path above
and looking down.
"Come on down!" --
"Come on up first!" -- "So's you can push us down, no thanks,
we're not such fools." -- "You're afraid, you mean. Come on up, you
cowards!" -- "Afraid? Of the likes of you? You're going to push us
down, are you? That's a good one."
We made the attempt and were pushed
head over heels into the grass of the roadside ditch, tumbling of our own free
will. Everything was equably warm to us, we felt neither warmth nor chill in
the grass, only one got tired.
Turning on one's right side, with a
hand under the ear, one could easily have fallen asleep there. But one wanted
to get up again with chin uplifted, only to roll into a deeper ditch. Then with
an arm thrust out crosswise and legs threshing to the side one thought to
launch into the air again only to fall for certain into a still deeper ditch.
And of this one never wanted to make an end.
How one might stretch oneself out,
especially in the knees, properly to sleep in the last ditch, was something
scarcely thought of, and one simply lay on one's back, like an invalid,
inclined to weep a little. One blinked as now and then a youngster with elbows
pressed to his sides sprang over one's head with dark-looming soles, in a leap
from the escarpment to the roadway.
The moon was already some way up in
the sky, in its light a mail coach drove past. A small wind began to blow
everywhere, even in the ditch one could feel it, and nearby the forest began to
rustle. Then one was no longer so anxious to be alone.
"Where are you?" --
"Come here!" -- "All together!" -- "What are you
hiding for, drop your nonsense!" -- "Don't you know the mail's gone
past already?" -- "Not already?" -- "Of course; it went
past while you were sleeping." -- "I wasn't sleeping. What an
idea!" -- "Oh shut up, you're still half asleep." -- "But I
wasn't." -- "Come on!"
We ran bunched more closely
together, many of us linked hands, one's head could not be held high enough,
for now the way was downhill. Someone whooped an Indian war cry, our legs
galloped us as never before, the wind lifted our hips as we sprang. Nothing
could have checked us; we were in such full stride that even in overtaking
others we could fold our arms and look quietly around us.
At the bridge over the brook we came
to a stop; those who had overrun it came back. The water below lapped against
stones and roots as if it were not already late evening. There was no reason
why one of us should not jump onto the parapet of the bridge.
From behind clumps of trees in the
distance a railway train came past, all the carriages were lit up, the
windowpanes were certainly let down. One of us began to sing a popular catch,
but we all felt like singing. We sang much faster than the train was going, we
waved our arms because our voices were not enough, our voices rushed together
in an avalanche of sound that did us good. When one joins in song with others
it is like being drawn on by a fish hook.
So we sang, the forest behind us,
for the ears of the distant travelers. The grownups were still awake in the
village, the mothers were making down the beds for the night.
Our time was up. I kissed the one
next to me, reached hands to the three nearest, and began to run home, none
called me back. At the first crossroads where they could no longer see me I
turned off and ran by the field paths into the forest again. I was making for
that city in the south of which it was said in our village:
"There you'll find queer folk!
Just think, they never sleep!"
"And why not?"
"Because they never get
tired."
"And why not?"
"Because they're fools."
"Don't fools get tired?"
"How could fools get
tired!"
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Trees
For
we are like tree trunks in the snow. In appearance they lie sleekly and
a little push should be enough to set them rolling. No, it can't be done, for
they are firmly wedded to the ground. But see, even that is only appearance.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Clothes
Often
when I see clothes with manifold pleats, frills, and appendages which
fit so smoothly onto lovely bodies I think they won't keep that smoothness
long, but will get creases that can't be ironed out, dust lying so thick in the
embroidery that it can't be brushed away, and that no one would want to be so
unhappy and so foolish as to wear the same valuable gown every day from early
morning till night.
And yet I see girls who are lovely
enough and display attractive muscles and small bones and smooth skin and
masses of delicate hair, and nonetheless appear day in, day out, in this same
natural fancy dress, always propping the same face on the same palms and
letting it be reflected from the looking glass.
Only sometimes at night, on coming
home late from a party, it seems in the looking glass to be worn out, puffy,
dusty, already seen by too many people, and hardly wearable any longer.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Excursion
into the Mountains
"I don't know," I cried without being heard, "I do not
know. If nobody comes, then nobody comes. I've done nobody any harm, nobody's
done me any harm, but nobody will help me. A pack of nobodies. Yet that isn't
all true. Only, that nobody helps me -- a pack of nobodies would be rather fine,
on the other hand. I'd love to go on an excursion -- why not? -- with a pack of
nobodies. Into the mountains, of course, where else? How these nobodies jostle
each other, all these lifted arms linked together, these numberless feet
treading so close! Of course they are all in dress suits. We go so gaily, the
wind blows through us and the gaps in our company. Our throats swell and are
free in the mountains! It's a wonder that we don't burst into song."
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Rejection
When
I meet a pretty girl and beg her: "Be so good as to come with
me," and she walks past without a word, this is what she means to say:
"You are no Duke with a famous
name, no broad American with a Red Indian figure, level, brooding eyes and a
skin tempered by the air of the prairies and the rivers that flow through them,
you have never journeyed to the seven seas and voyaged on them wherever they
may be, I don't know where. So why, pray, should a pretty girl like myself go
with you?"
"You forget that no automobile
swings you through the street in long thrusts; I see no gentlemen escorting you
in a close half-circle, pressing on your skirts from behind and murmuring
blessings on your head; your breasts are well laced into your bodice, but your
thighs and hips make up for that restraint; you are wearing a taffeta dress
with a pleated skirt such as delighted all of us last autumn, and yet you smile
-- inviting mortal danger -- from time to time."
"Yes, we're both in the right,
and to keep us from being irrevocably aware of it, hadn't we better just go our
separate ways home?"
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Street Window
Whoever
leads a solitary life and yet now and then wants to attach himself
somewhere, whoever, according to changes in the time of day, the weather, the
state of his business, and the like, suddenly wishes to see any arm at all to
which he might cling -- he will not be able to manage for long without a window
looking on to the street. And if he is in the mood of not desiring anything and
only goes to his window sill a tired man, with eyes turning from his public to
heaven and back again, not wanting to look out and having thrown his head up a
little, even then the horses below will draw him down into their train of
wagons and tumult, and so at last into the human harmony.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Tradesman
It
is possible that some
people are sorry for me, but I am not aware of it. My small business fills me
with worries that make my forehead and temples ache inside yet without giving
any prospect of relief, for my business is a small business.
I have to spend hours beforehand
making things ready, jogging the caretaker's memory, warning him about mistakes
he is likely to commit, and puzzling out in one season of the year what the
next season's fashions are to be, not such as are followed by the people I know
but those that will appeal to inaccessible peasants in the depths of the
country.
My money is in the hands of
strangers; the state of their affairs must be a mystery to me; the ill luck
that might overwhelm them I cannot foresee; how could I possibly avert it!
Perhaps they are running into extravagance and giving a banquet in some inn
garden, some of them may be attending the banquet as a brief respite before
their flight to America.
When at the close of a working day I
turn the key on my business and suddenly see before me hours in which I shall
be able to do nothing to satisfy its never-ending demands, then the excitement
which I drove far away from me in the morning comes back like a returning tide,
but cannot be contained in me and sweeps me aimlessly away with it.
And yet I can make no use of this
impulse, I can only go home, for my face and hands are dirty and sweaty, my
clothes are stained and dusty, my working cap is on my head, and my shoes are
scratched with the nails of crates. I go home as if lifted on a wave, snapping
the fingers of both hands, and caress the hair of any children I meet.
But the way is short. Soon I reach
my house, open the door of the lift, and step in.
I see that now, of a sudden, I am
alone. Others who have to climb stairways tire a little as they climb, have to
wait with quick panting breath till someone opens the door of the flat, which
gives them an excuse for being irritable and impatient, have to traverse the
hallway where hats are hung up, and not until they go down a lobby past several
glass doors and come into their own room are they alone.
But I am alone in the lift,
immediately, and on my knees gaze into the narrow looking glass. As the lift
begins to rise, I say:
"Quiet now, back with you, is
it the shadow of the trees you want to make for, or behind the window curtains,
or into the garden arbor?"
I say that behind my teeth, and the
staircase flows down past the opaque glass panes like running water.
"Fly then; let your wings,
which I have never seen, carry you into the village hollow or as far as Paris,
if that's where you want to go.
"But enjoy yourselves there
looking out of the window, see the processions converging out of three streets
at once, not giving way to each other but marching through each other and
leaving the open space free again as their last ranks draw off. Wave your
handkerchiefs, be indignant, be moved, acclaim the beautiful lady who drives
past.
"Cross over the stream on the
wooden bridge, nod to the children bathing and gape at the Hurrah! rising from
the thousand sailors on the distant battleship.
"Follow the trail of the
inconspicuous little man, and when you have pushed him into a doorway, rob him,
and then watch him, each with your hands in your pockets, as he sadly goes his
way along the left-hand street.
"The police dispersed on
galloping horses rein in their mounts and thrust you back. Let them, the empty
streets will dishearten them, I know. What did I tell you, they are riding away
already in couples, slowly around the corners, at full speed across the
squares."
Then I have to leave the lift, send
it down again, and ring the bell, and the maid opens the door while I say: Good
evening.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Absent-minded
Window-gazing
What
are we to do with these spring days that are now fast coming on? Early
this morning the sky was gray, but if you go to the window now you are
surprised and lean your cheek against the latch of the casement.
The sun is already setting, but down
below you see it lighting up the face of the little girl who strolls along
looking about her, and at the same time you see her eclipsed by the shadow of
the man behind overtaking her.
And then the man has passed by and
the little girl's face is quite bright.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Way Home
See
what a persuasive force the air has after a thunderstorm! My merits
become evident and overpower me, though I don't put up any resistance, I grant
you.
I stride along and my tempo is the
tempo of all my side of the street, of the whole street, of the whole quarter.
Mine is the responsibility, and rightly so, for all the raps on doors or on the
flat of a table, for all toasts drunk, for lovers in their beds, in the
scaffolding of new buildings, pressed to each other against the house walls in
dark alleys, or on the divans of a brothel.
I weigh my past against my future,
but find both of them admirable, cannot give either the preference, and find
nothing to grumble at save the injustice of providence that has so clearly
favored me.
Only as I come into my room I feel a
little meditative, without having met anything on the stairs worth meditating
about. It doesn't help me much to open the window wide and hear music still
playing in a garden.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Passers-by
When
you go walking by night up a street and a man, visible a long way off --
for the street mounts uphill and there is a full moon -- comes running toward
you, well, you don't catch hold of him, not even if he is a feeble and ragged
creature, not even if someone chases yelling at his heels, but you let him run
on.
For it is night, and you can't help
it if the street goes uphill before you in the moonlight, and besides, these
two have maybe started that chase to amuse themselves, or perhaps they are both
chasing a third, perhaps the first is an innocent man and the second wants to
murder him and you would become an accessory, perhaps they don't know anything
about each other and are merely running separately home to bed, perhaps they
are night birds, perhaps the first man is armed.
And anyhow, haven't you a right to
be tired, haven't you been drinking a lot of wine? You're thankful that the
second man is now long out of sight.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
On
the Tram
I stand
on the end platform of the tram and am completely unsure of my footing
in this world, in this town, in my family. Not even casually could I indicate
any claims that I might rightly advance in any direction. I have not even any
defense to offer for standing on this platform, holding on to this strap,
letting myself be carried along by this tram, nor for the people who give way
to the tram or walk quietly along or stand gazing into shopwin-dows. Nobody
asks me to put up a defense, indeed, but that is irrelevant.
The tram approaches a stopping place
and a girl takes up her position near the step, ready to alight. She is as
distinct to me as if I had run my hands over her. She is dressed in black, the
pleats of her skirt hang almost still, her blouse is tight and has a collar of
white fine-meshed lace, her left hand is braced flat against the side of the
tram, the umbrella in her right hand rests on the second top step. Her face is
brown, her nose, slightly pinched at the sides, has a broad round tip. She has
a lot of brown hair and stray little tendrils on the right temple. Her small
ear is close-set, but since I am near her I can see the whole ridge of the
whorl of her right ear and the shadow at the root of it.
At that point I asked myself: How is
it that she is not amazed at herself, that she keeps her lips closed and makes
no such remark?
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Reflections
for Gentlemen-Jockeys
When
you think it over, winning a race is nothing to sigh for.
The fame of being hailed as the best
rider in the country is too intoxicating a pleasure when the applause strikes
up not to bring a reaction the morning after.
The envy of your opponents, cunning
and fairly influential men, must trouble you in the narrow enclosure you now
traverse after the flat racecourse, which soon lay empty before you save for
some laggards of the previous round, small figures charging the horizon.
Many of your friends are rushing to
gather their winnings and only cry "Hurrah!" to you over their
shoulders from distant pay boxes; your best friends laid no bet on your horse,
since they feared that they would have to be angry with you if you lost, and
now that your horse has come in first and they have won nothing, they turn away
as you pass and prefer to look along the stands.
Your rivals behind you, firmly in
the saddle, are trying to ignore the bad luck that has befallen them and the
injustice they have somehow suffered; they are putting a brave new face on
things, as if a different race were due to start, and this time a serious one
after such child's play.
For many ladies the victor cuts a
ridiculous figure because he is swelling with importance and yet cannot cope
with the never-ending handshaking, saluting, bowing, and waving, while the
defeated keep their mouths shut and casually pat the necks of their whinnying
horses.
And finally from the now overcast
sky rain actually begins to fall.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Wish to Be a Red Indian
If
one were only an Indian, instantly alert, and on a racing horse, leaning
against the wind, kept on quivering jerkily over the quivering ground, until
one shed one's spurs, for there needed no spurs, threw away the reins, for
there needed no reins, and hardly saw that the land before one was smoothly
shorn heath when horse's neck and head would be already gone.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Unhappiness
When
it was becoming unbearable -- once toward evening in November -- and I
ran along the narrow strip of carpet in my room as on a racetrack, shrank from
the sight of the lit-up street, then turning to the interior of the room found
a new goal in the depths of the looking glass and screamed aloud, to hear only
my own scream which met no answer nor anything that could draw its force away,
so that it rose up without check and could not stop even when it ceased being
audible, the door in the wall opened toward me, how swiftly, because swiftness
was needed and even the cart horses down below on the paving stones were rising
in the air like horses driven wild in a battle, their throats bare to the
enemy.
Like a small ghost a child blew in
from the pitch-dark corridor, where the lamp was not yet lit, and stood
a-tiptoe on a floor board that quivered imperceptibly. At once dazzled by the
twilight in my room she made to cover her face quickly with her hands, but
contented herself unexpectedly with a glance at the window, where the mounting
vapor of the street lighting had at last settled under its cover of darkness
behind the crossbars. With her right elbow she supported herself against the
wall in the open doorway and let the draught from outside play along her
ankles, her throat, and her temples.
I gave her a brief glance, then said
"Good day," and took my jacket from the hood of the stove, since I
didn't want to stand there half-undressed. For a little while I let my mouth
hang open, so that my agitation could find a way out. I had a bad taste in my
mouth, my eyelashes were fluttering on my cheeks, in short this visit, though I
had expected it, was the one thing needful.
The child was still standing by the
wall on the same spot, she had pressed her right hand against the plaster and
was quite taken up with finding, her cheeks all pink, that the whitewashed
walls had a rough surface and chafed her finger tips. I said: "Are you
really looking for me? Isn't there some mistake? Nothing easier than to make a
mistake in this big building. I'm called So-and-so and I live on the third
floor. Am I the person you want to find?"
"Hush, hush," said the
child over her shoulder, "it's all right."
"Then come farther into the
room, I'd like to shut the door."
"I've shut it this very minute.
Don't bother. Just be easy in your mind."
"It's no bother. But there's a
lot of people living on this corridor, and I know them all, of course; most of
them are coming back from work now; if they hear someone talking in a room,
they simply think they have a right to open the door and see what's happening.
They're just like that. They've turned their backs on their daily work and in
their provisionally free evenings they're not going to be dictated to by
anyone. Besides, you know that as well as I do. Let me shut the door."
"Why, what's the matter with
you? I don't mind if the whole house comes in. Anyhow, as I told you, I've
already shut the door, do you think you're the only person who can shut doors?
I've even turned the key in the lock."
"That's all right then. I
couldn't ask for more. You didn't need to turn the key, either. And now that
you are here, make yourself comfortable. You are my guest. You can trust me
entirely. Just make yourself at home and don't be afraid. I won't compel you
either to stay or to go away. Do I have to tell you that? Do you know me so
little?"
"No. You really didn't need to
tell me that. What's more, you shouldn't have told me. I'm just a child; why
stand on so much ceremony with me?"
"It's not so bad as that. A
child, of course. But not so very small. You're quite big. If you were a young
lady, you wouldn't dare to lock yourself so simply in a room with me."
"We needn't worry about that. I
just want to say: my knowing you so well isn't much protection to me, it only
relieves you of the effort of keeping up pretenses before me. And yet you're
paying me a compliment. Stop it, I beg you, do stop it. Anyhow, I don't know
you everywhere and all the time, least of all in this darkness. It would be
much better if you were to light up. No, perhaps not. At any rate I'll keep it
in mind that you have been threatening me."
"What? Am I supposed to have
threatened you? But, look here. I'm so pleased that you've come at last. I say
'at last' because it's already rather late. I can't understand why you've come
so late. But it's possible that in the joy of seeing you I have been speaking
at random and you took up my words in the wrong sense. I'll admit ten times
over that I said something of the kind, I've made all kinds of threats,
anything you like. Only no quarreling, for Heaven's sake! But how could you
think of such a thing? How could you hurt me so? Why do you insist on spoiling
this brief moment of your presence here? A stranger would be more obliging than
you are."
"That I can well believe;
that's no great discovery. No stranger could come any nearer to you than I am
already by nature. You know that, too, so why all this pathos? If you're only
wanting to stage a comedy I'll go away immediately."
"What? You have the impudence
to tell me that? You make a little too bold. After all, it's my room you're in.
It's my wall you're rubbing your fingers on like mad. My room, my wall! And
besides, what you are saying is ridiculous as well as impudent. You say your
nature forces you to speak to me like that. Is that so? Your nature forces you?
That's kind of your nature. Your nature is mine, and if I feel friendly to you
by nature, then you mustn't be anything else."
"Is that friendly?"
"I'm speaking of earlier
on."
"Do you know how I'll be later
on?"
"I don't know anything."
And I went to the bed table and lit
the candle on it. At that time I had neither gas nor electric light in my room.
Then I sat for a while at the table till I got tired of it, put on my
greatcoat, took my hat from the sofa, and blew out the candle. As I went out I
tripped over the leg of a chair.
On the stairs I met one of the
tenants from my floor.
"Going out again already, you
rascal?" he asked, pausing with his legs firmly straddled over two steps.
"What can I do?" I said,
"I've just had a ghost in my room."
"You say that exactly as if you
had just found a hair in your soup."
"You're making a joke of it.
But let me tell you, a ghost is a ghost."
"How true. But what if one
doesn't believe in ghosts at all?"
"Well, do you think I believe
in ghosts? But how can my not believing help me?"
"Quite simply. You don't need
to feel afraid if a ghost actually turns up."
"Oh, that's only a secondary
fear. The real fear is a fear of what caused the apparition. And that fear
doesn't go away. I have it fairly powerfully inside me now." Out of sheer
nervousness I began to hunt through all my pockets.
"But since you weren't afraid
of the ghost itself, you could easily have asked it how it came to be
there."
"Obviously you've never spoken
to a ghost. One never gets straight information from them. It's just a hither
and thither. These ghosts seem to be more dubious about their existence than we
are, and no wonder, considering how frail they are."
"But I've heard that one can
fatten them up."
"How well informed you are.
It's quite true. But is anyone likely to do it?"
"Why not? If it were a feminine
ghost, for instance," said he, swinging onto the top step.
"Aha," said I, "but
even then it's not worth while."
I thought of something else. My neighbor
was already so far up that in order to see me he had to bend over the well of
the staircase. "All the same," I called up, "if you steal my
ghost from me all is over between us, forever."
"Oh, I was only joking,"
he said and drew his head back.
"That's all right," said
I, and now I really could have gone quietly for a walk. But because I felt so
forlorn I preferred to go upstairs again and so went to bed.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Bachelor's
Ill Luck
It
seems so dreadful to stay a bachelor, to become an old man struggling to
keep one's dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to spend
an evening in company, to lie ill gazing for weeks into an empty room from the
corner where one's bed is, always having to say good night at the front door,
never to run up a stairway beside one's wife, to have only side doors in one's
room leading into other people's living rooms, having to carry one's supper
home in one's hand, having to admire other people's children and not even being
allowed to go on saying: "I have none myself," modeling oneself in
appearance and behavior on one or two bachelors remembered from one's youth.
That's how it will be, except that
in reality, both today and later, one will stand there with a palpable body and
a real head, a real forehead, that is, for smiting on with one's hand.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Unmasking
a Confidence Trickster
At
last, about ten o'clock at night, I came to the doorway of the fine
house where I was invited to spend the evening, after the man beside me, whom I
was barely acquainted with and who had once again thrust himself unasked upon
me, had marched me for two long hours around the streets.
"Well!" I said, and
clapped my hands to show that I really had to bid him goodbye. I had already
made several less explicit attempts to get rid of him. I was tired out.
"Are you going straight
in?" he asked. I heard a sound in his mouth that was like the snapping of
teeth.
"Yes."
I had been invited out, I told him
when I met him. But it was to enter a house where I longed to be that I had
been invited, not to stand here at the street door looking past the ears of the
man before me. Nor to fall silent with him, as if we were doomed to stay for a
long time on this spot. And yet the houses around us at once took a share in
our silence, and the darkness over them, all the way up to the stars. And the
steps of invisible passers-by, which one could not take the trouble to
elucidate, and the wind persistently buffeting the other side of the street,
and a gramophone singing behind the closed windows of some room -- they all
announced themselves in this silence, as if it were their own possession for
the time past and to come.
And my companion subscribed to it in
his own name and -- with a smile -- in mine too, stretched his right arm up
along the wall and leaned his cheek upon it, shutting his eyes.
But I did not wait to see the end of
that smile, for shame suddenly caught hold of me. It had needed that smile to
let me know that the man was a confidence trickster, nothing else. And yet I
had been months in the town and thought I knew all about confidence tricksters,
how they came slinking out of side streets by night to meet us with
outstretched hands like tavernkeepers, how they haunted the advertisement
pillars we stood beside, sliding around them as if playing hide-and-seek and
spying on us with at least one eye, how they suddenly appeared on the curb of
the pavement at cross-streets when we were hesitating! I understood them so
well, they were the first acquaintances I had made in the town's small taverns,
and to them I owed my first inkling of a ruthless hardness which I was now so
conscious of, everywhere on earth, that I was even beginning to feel it in myself.
How persistently they blocked our way, even when we had long shaken ourselves
free, even when, that is, they had nothing more to hope for! How they refused
to give up, to admit defeat, but kept shooting glances at us that even from a
distance were still compelling! And the means they employed were always the
same: they planted themselves before us, looking as large as possible, tried to
hinder us from going where we purposed, offered us instead a habitation in
their own bosoms, and when at last all our balked feelings rose in revolt they
welcomed that like an embrace into which they threw themselves face foremost.
And it had taken me such a long time
in this man's company to recognize the same old game. I rubbed my finger tips
together to wipe away the disgrace.
My companion was still leaning there
as before, still believing himself a successful trickster, and his
self-complacency glowed pink on his free cheek.
"Caught in the act!" said
I, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Then I ran up the steps, and the
disinterested devotion on the servants' faces in the hall delighted me like an
unexpected treat. I looked at them all, one after another, while they took my
greatcoat off and wiped my shoes clean.
With a deep breath of relief and
straightening myself to my full height, I then entered the drawing room.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Sudden Walk
When
it looks as if you had made up your mind finally to stay at home for the
evening, when you have put on your house jacket and sat down after supper with
a light on the table to the piece of work or the game that usually precedes
your going to bed, when the weather outside is unpleasant so that staying
indoors seems natural, and when you have already been sitting quietly at the
table for so long that your departure must occasion surprise to everyone, when,
besides, the stairs are in darkness and the front door locked, and in spite of
all that you have started up in a sudden fit of restlessness, changed your
jacket, abruptly dressed yourself for the street, explained that you must go
out and with a few curt words of leave-taking actually gone out, banging the
flat door more or less hastily according to the degree of displeasure you think
you have left behind you, and when you find yourself once more in the street
with limbs swinging extra freely in answer to the unexpected liberty you have
procured for them, when as a result of this decisive action you feel
concentrated within yourself all the potentialities of decisive action, when
you recognize with more than usual significance that your strength is greater
than your need to accomplish effortlessly the swiftest of changes and to cope
with it, when in this frame of mind you go striding down the long streets --
then for that evening you have completely got away from your family, which
fades into insubstantiality, while you yourself, a firm, boldly drawn black
figure, slapping yourself on the thigh, grow to your true stature.
All this is still heightened if at
such a late hour in the evening you look up a friend to see how he is getting
on.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Resolutions
To lift
yourself out of a miserable mood, even if you have to do it by strength
of will, should be easy. I force myself out of my chair, stride around the
table, exercise my head and neck, make my eyes sparkle, tighten the muscles
around them. Defy my own feelings, welcome A. enthusiastically supposing he
comes to see me, amiably tolerate B. in my room, swallow all that is said at
C.'s, whatever pain and trouble it may cost me, in long draughts.
Yet even if I manage that, one
single slip, and a slip cannot be avoided, will stop the whole process, easy
and painful alike, and I will have to shrink back into my own circle again.
So perhaps the best resource is to
meet everything passively, to make yourself an inert mass, and, if you feel
that you are being carried away, not to let yourself be lured into taking a
single unnecessary step, to stare at others with the eyes of an animal, to feel
no compunction, in short, with your own hand to throttle down whatever ghostly
life remains in you, that is, to enlarge the final peace of the graveyard and
let nothing survive save that.
A characteristic movement in such a
condition is to run your little finger along your eyebrows.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Dream
Josef
K. was dreaming.
It was a beautiful day and K. felt
like going for a walk. But hardly had he taken a couple of steps when he was
already at the cemetery. The paths there were very winding, ingeniously made,
and unpractical, but he glided along one of them as if on a rushing stream with
unshaken poise and balance. From a long way off his eye was caught by a freshly
heaped grave mound which he wanted to pause beside. This grave mound exerted
almost a fascination over him and he felt he could not reach it fast enough.
But he often nearly lost sight of it, for his view was obscured by banners
which veered and flapped against each other with great force; one could not see
the standard-bearers, but there seemed to be a very joyous celebration going
on.
While he was still peering into the
distance, he suddenly saw the grave mound quite near his path, indeed he was
almost leaving it behind him. He made a hasty spring onto the grass. But since
the path went rushing on under his shifting foot, he tottered and fell on his
knees just in front of the grave mound. Two men were standing behind the grave
and were holding a gravestone between them in the air; scarcely had K. arrived
when they thrust the stone into the earth and it stood as if cemented there.
Out of some bushes there came at once a third man, whom K. recognized
immediately as an artist. He was clad only in trousers and a badly buttoned
shirt; on his head was a velvet cap; in his hand he held an ordinary pencil
with which he was already drawing figures in the air as he approached.
With this pencil he now addressed
himself to the top end of the gravestone; the stone was very tall, he did not
have to bend down, though he had to bend forward, since the grave mound, on
which he shrank from setting foot, came between him and the stone. So he stood
on tiptoe and steadied himself with his left hand on the stone's flat surface.
With an astonishing turn of skill he managed to produce golden letters from his
ordinary pencil; he wrote: HERE LIES --
Every letter was clear and beautifully made, deeply incised and of the purest
gold. When he had inscribed these two words he looked at K. over his shoulder;
K., who was very eager to know how the inscription would go, paid hardly any
attention to the man but was intent only on the stone. And in fact the man
turned again to continue writing, but he could not go on, something was
hindering him, he let the pencil sink and once more turned toward K. This time
K. looked back at him and noted that he was deeply embarrassed and yet unable
to explain himself. All his earlier vivacity had vanished. That made K. feel
embarrassed too; they exchanged helpless glances; there was some dreadful
misunderstanding between them which neither could resolve. An untimely little
bell now began to ring from the cemetery chapel, but the artist made a sign with
uplifted hand and the bell stopped. In a little while it began again; this time
quite softly and without any insistence, breaking off again at once; as if it
were only testing its own tone. K. felt miserable because of the artist's
predicament, he began to cry and sobbed for a long time into his cupped hands.
The artist waited until K. had calmed down and then decided, since there was no
help for it, just to go on with the inscription. The first small stroke that he
made was a relief to K., but the artist obviously achieved it only with the
greatest reluctance; the work, too, was no longer beautifully finished, above
all there seemed to be a lack of gold leaf, pale and uncertain the stroke
straggled down, only it turned into a very big letter. It was a J, it was
almost finished, and at that moment the artist stamped angrily on the grave
mound with one foot so that the soil all around flew up in the air. At long
last K. understood him; it was too late to start apologizing now; with all his
fingers he dug into the earth which offered almost no resistance; everything
seemed prepared beforehand; a thin crust of earth had been constructed only for
the look of the thing; immediately beneath it a great hole opened out, with
steep sides, into which K. sank, wafted onto his back by a gentle current. And
while he was already being received into impenetrable depths, his head still
straining upwards on his neck, his own name raced across the stone above him in
great flourishes.
Enchanted by the sight, he woke up.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Up
in the Gallery
If
some frail, consumptive equestrienne in the circus were to be urged
around and around on an undulating horse for months on end without respite by a
ruthless, whip-flourishing ringmaster, before an insatiable public, whizzing
along on her horse, throwing kisses, swaying from the waist, and if this
performance were likely to continue in the infinite perspective of a drab
future to the unceasing roar of the orchestra and hum of the ventilators,
accompanied by ebbing and renewed swelling bursts of applause which are really
steam hammers -- then, perhaps, a young visitor to the gallery might race down
the long stairs through all the circles, rush into the ring, and yell: Stop!
against the fanfares of the orchestra still playing the appropriate music.
But since that is not so; a lovely
lady, pink and white, floats in between the curtains, which proud lackeys open
before her; the ringmaster, deferentially catching her eye, comes toward her
breathing animal devotion; tenderly lifts her up on the dapple-gray, as if she
were his own most precious granddaughter about to start on a dangerous journey;
cannot make up his mind to give the signal with his whip, finally masters
himself enough to crack the whip loudly; runs along beside the horse,
open-mouthed; follows with a sharp eye the leaps taken by its rider; finds her
artistic skill almost beyond belief; calls to her with English shouts of
warning; angrily exhorts the grooms who hold the hoops to be most closely
attentive; before the great somersault lifts up his arms and implores the
orchestra to be silent; finally lifts the little one down from her trembling
horse, kisses her on both cheeks, and finds that all the ovation she gets from
the audience is barely sufficient; while she herself, supported by him, right
up on the tips of her toes, in a cloud of dust, with outstretched arms and
small head thrown back, invites the whole circus to share her triumph -- since
that is so, the visitor to the gallery lays his face on the rail before him
and, sinking into the closing march as into a heavy dream, weeps without
knowing it.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Fratricide
The
evidence shows that this is how the murder was committed:
Schmar, the murderer, took up his
post about nine o'clock one night in clear moonlight by the corner where Wese,
his victim, had to turn from the street where his office was into the street he
lived in.
The night air was shivering cold.
Yet Schmar was wearing only a thin blue suit; the jacket was unbuttoned, too.
He felt no cold; besides, he was moving about all the time. His weapon, half a
bayonet and half a kitchen knife, he kept firmly in his grasp, quite naked. He
looked at the knife against the light of the moon; the blade glittered; not
enough for Schmar; he struck it against the bricks of the pavement till the
sparks flew; regretted that, perhaps; and to repair the damage drew it like a
violin bow across his boot sole while he bent forward, standing on one leg, and
listened both to the whetting of the knife on his boot and for any sound out of
the fateful side street.
Why did Pallas, the private citizen
who was watching it all from his window nearby in the second storey, permit it
to happen? Unriddle the mysteries of human nature! With his collar turned up,
his dressing gown girt around his portly body, he stood looking down, shaking
his head.
And five houses further along, on
the opposite side of the street, Mrs. Wese, with a fox-fur coat over her
nightgown, peered out to look for her husband who was lingering unusually late
tonight.
At last there rang out the sound of
the doorbell before Wese's office, too loud for a doorbell, right over the town
and up to heaven, and Wese, the industrious nightworker, issued from the
building, still invisible in that street, only heralded by the sound of the bell;
at once the pavement registered his quiet footsteps.
Pallas bent far forward; he dared
not miss anything. Mrs. Wese, reassured by the bell, shut her window with a
clatter. But Schmar knelt down; since he had no other parts of his body bare,
he pressed only his face and his hands against the pavement; where everything
else was freezing, Schmar was glowing hot.
At the very corner dividing the two
streets Wese paused, only his walking stick came around into the other street
to support him. A sudden whim. The night sky invited him, with its dark blue
and its gold. Unknowing, he gazed up at it, unknowing he lifted his hat and
stroked his hair; nothing up there drew together in a pattern to interpret the
immediate future for him; everything stayed in its senseless, inscrutable
place. In itself it was a highly reasonable action that Wese should walk on,
but he walked onto Schmar's knife.
"Wese!" shrieked Schmar,
standing on tiptoe, his arm outstretched, the knife sharply lowered,
"Wese! You will never see Julia again!" And right into the throat and
left into the throat and a third time deep into the belly stabbed Schmar's
knife. Water rats, slit open, give out such a sound as came from Wese.
"Done," said Schmar, and
pitched the knife, now superfluous blood-stained ballast, against the nearest
house front. "The bliss of murder! The relief, the soaring ecstasy from
the shedding of another's blood! Wese, old nightbird, friend, alehouse crony,
you are oozing away into the dark earth below the street. Why aren't you simply
a bladder of blood so that I could stamp on you and make you vanish into
nothingness. Not all we want comes true, not all the dreams that blossomed have
borne fruit, your solid remains lie here, already indifferent to every kick.
What's the good of the dumb question you are asking?"
Pallas, choking on the poison in his
body, stood at the double-leafed door of his house as it flew open.
"Schmar! Schmar! I saw it all, I missed nothing." Pallas and Schmar
scrutinized each other. The result of the scrutiny satisfied Pallas, Schmar
came to no conclusion.
Mrs. Wese, with a crowd of people on
either side, came rushing up, her face grown quite old with the shock. Her fur
coat swung open, she collapsed on top of Wese, the nightgowned body belonged to
Wese, the fur coat spreading over the couple like the smooth turf of a grave
belonged to the crowd.
Schmar, fighting down with
difficulty the last of his nausea, pressed his mouth against the shoulder of
the policeman who, stepping lightly, led him away.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Next Village
My
grandfather used to say: "Life is astoundingly short. To me,
looking back over it, life seems so foreshortened that I scarcely understand,
for instance, how a young man can decide to ride over to the next village
without being afraid that -- not to mention accidents -- even the span of a
normal happy life may fall far short of the time needed for such a
journey."
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Visit to a Mine
Today
the chief engineers have been down to our part of the mine. The
management has issued some instructions or other about boring new galleries,
and so the engineers arrived to make the initial survey. How young these men
are and yet how different from each other! They have all grown up in freedom
and show clearly defined characters without self-consciousness even in their
youth.
One, a lively man with black hair,
has eyes that take in everything.
A second with a notebook makes
jottings as he goes, looks around him, compares, notes down.
A third, his hands in his coat
pockets, so that everything about him is taut, walks very upright; maintains
his dignity; only the fact that he keeps biting his lips betrays his impatient,
irrepressible youth.
A fourth showers explanations on the
third, who does not ask for them; smaller than the other, trotting beside him
like a temper, his index finger always in the air, he seems to be making a
running commentary on everything he sees.
A fifth, perhaps the senior in rank,
suffers no one to accompany him; now he is in front, now behind; the group
accommodates its pace to him; he is pallid and frail; responsibility has made
his eyes hollow; he often presses his hand to his forehead in thought.
The sixth and seventh walk leaning
forward a little, their heads close together, arm in arm, in confidential talk;
if this were not unmistakably our coal mine and our working station in the
deepest gallery, one could easily believe that these bony, cleanshaven,
knobbly-nosed gentlemen were young clerics. One of them laughs mostly to
himself with a catlike purring; the other, smiling too, leads the conversation
and beats some kind of time to it with his free hand. How sure these two must
be of their position; yes, what services must they have already rendered to our
mine in spite of their youth, to be able here, on such an important survey,
under the eyes of their chief, to devote themselves so unwaveringly to their
own affairs, or at least to affairs that have nothing to do with the immediate
task? Or might it be possible that, in spite of their laughter and apparent
inattention, they are very well aware of whatever is needful? One scarcely
ventures to pass a decisive judgment on gentlemen like these.
On the other hand, there is no doubt
at all that the eighth man, for instance, is incomparably more intent on his
work than these two, indeed more than all the other gentlemen. He has to touch
everything and tap it with a little hammer which he keeps taking out of his
pocket and putting back again. He often goes down on his knees in the dirt,
despite his elegant attire, and taps the ground, then again taps the walls as
he walks along or the roof over his head. Once he stretched himself out at full
length and lay still; we were beginning to think something had gone wrong with
him; then with a sudden recoil of his lithe body he sprang to his feet. He had
only been making another investigation. We fancy that we know our mine and its
rock formations, but what this engineer can be sounding all the time in such a
manner lies beyond our comprehension.
A ninth man pushes a kind of
perambulator in front of him with the surveying instruments. Extremely
expensive apparatus, deeply embedded in the softest cotton wool. The office
porter ought really to be pushing this vehicle, but he is not trusted with it;
an engineer has to do it, and one can see that he does it with good will. He is
probably the youngest, perhaps he doesn't even understand all the apparatus
yet, but he keeps his eye on the instruments all the time, which brings him
often into danger of running his vehicle into the wall.
But there is another engineer
walking alongside who prevents that from happening. Obviously he understands
the apparatus thoroughly and seems to be really the man in charge of it. From
time to time, without stopping the vehicle, he takes up a part of some
instrument, peers through it, screws it open or shut, shakes it and taps it,
holds it to his ear and listens; and finally, while the man pushing the
instruments usually stands still, he lays the small thing, which one can
scarcely discern at a distance, back into its packing with great care. This
engineer is a little domineering, but only in the service of his instruments.
Ten paces ahead of the perambulator we have to give way to it at a wordless
sign of his finger, even where there is no room for us to make way.
Behind these two gentlemen stalks
the office porter, with nothing to do. The gentlemen, as is to be expected from
men of their great knowledge, have long dropped any arrogance they ever had,
but the porter seems to have picked it all up and kept it. With one hand tucked
behind him, the other in front fingering the gilt buttons or fine facecloth of
his uniform, he keeps bowing to right and left as if we had saluted him and he
were answering, or rather as if he assumed that we had saluted him, he being
too high and mighty to see any salutes. Of course we do not salute him, yet one
could almost believe, to look at him, that it is a great distinction to be a
porter at the head office of the mine. Behind his back, to be sure, we burst
out laughing, but as not even a thunderbolt could make him look around, he
remains an unsolved riddle for us to respect.
Today we shall not do much work; the
interruption has been too interesting; such a visit draws away with it all
thoughts of work. It is too tempting to stand gazing after the gentlemen as
they vanish into the darkness of the trial gallery. Besides, our shift will
soon come to an end; we shall not be here to see them coming back.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Jackals
and Arabs
We
were camping in the oasis. My companions were asleep. The tall, white
figure of an Arab passed by; he had been seeing to the camels and was on his
way to his own sleeping place.
I threw myself on my back in the
grass; I tried to fall asleep; I could not; a jackal howled in the distance; I
sat up again. And what had been so far away was all at once quite near. Jackals
were swarming around me, eyes gleaming dull gold and vanishing again, lithe
bodies moving nimbly and rhythmically, as if at the crack of a whip.
One jackal came from behind me,
nudging right under my arm, pressing against me, as if he needed my warmth, and
then stood before me and spoke to me almost eye to eye.
"I am the oldest jackal far and
wide. I am delighted to have met you here at last. I had almost given up hope,
since we have been waiting endless years for you; my mother waited for you, and
her mother, and all our foremothers right back to the first mother of all the
jackals. It is true, believe me!"
"That is surprising," said
I, forgetting to kindle the pile of firewood which lay ready to smoke away
jackals, "that is very surprising for me to hear. It is by pure chance
that I have come here from the far North, and I am making only a short tour of
your country. What do you jackals want, then?"
As if emboldened by this perhaps
too-friendly inquiry the ring of jackals closed in on me; all were panting and
openmouthed.
"We know," began the
eldest, "that you have come from the North; that is just what we base our
hopes on. You Northerners have the kind of intelligence that is not to be found
among Arabs. Not a spark of intelligence, let me tell you, can be struck from
their cold arrogance. They kill animals for food, and carrion they
despise."
"Not so loud," said I,
"there are Arabs sleeping nearby."
"You are indeed a stranger
here," said the jackal, "or you would know that never in the history
of the world has any jackal been afraid of an Arab. Why should we fear them? Is
it not misfortune enough for us to be exiled among such creatures?"
"Maybe, maybe," said I,
"matters so far outside my province I am not competent to judge; it seems
to me a very old quarrel; I suppose it's in the blood, and perhaps will only
end with it."
"You are very clever,"
said the old jackal; and they all began to pant more quickly; the air pumped
out of their lungs although they were statiding still; a rank smell which at
times I had to set my teeth to endure streamed from their open jaws, "you
are very clever; what you have just said agrees with our old tradition. So we
shall draw blood from them and the quarrel will be over."
"Oh!" said I, more
vehemently than I intended, "they'll defend themselves; they'll shoot you
down in dozens with their muskets."
"You misunderstand us,"
said he, "a human failing which persists apparently even in the far North.
We're not proposing to kill them. All the water in the Nile couldn't cleanse us
of that. Why, the mere sight of their living flesh makes us turn tail and flee
into cleaner air, into the desert, which for that very reason is our
home."
And all the jackals around,
including many newcomers from farther away, dropped their muzzles between their
forelegs and wiped them with their paws; it was as if they were trying to
conceal a disgust so overpowering that I felt like leaping over their heads to
get away.
"Then what are you proposing to
do?" I asked, trying to rise to my feet; but I could not get up; two young
beasts behind me had locked their teeth through my coat and shirt; I had to go
on sitting. "These are your trainbearers," explained the old jackal,
quite seriously, "a mark of honor." "They must let go!" I
cried, turning now to the old jackal, now to the youngsters. "They will,
of course," said the old one, "if that is your wish. But it will take
a little time, for they have got their teeth well in, as is our custom, and
must first loosen their jaws bit by bit. Meanwhile, give ear to our petition."
"Your conduct hasn't exactly inclined me to grant it," said I.
"Don't hold it against us that we are clumsy," said he, and now for
the first time had recourse to the natural plaintiveness of his voice, "we
are poor creatures, we have nothing but our teeth; whatever we want to do, good
or bad, we can tackle it only with our teeth." "Well, what do you
want?" I asked, not much mollified.
"Sir," he cried, and all
the jackals howled together; very remotely it seemed to resemble a melody.
"Sir, we want you to end this quarrel that divides the world. You are
exactly the man whom our ancestors foretold as born to do it. We want to be
troubled no more by Arabs; room to breathe; a skyline cleansed of them; no more
bleating of sheep knifed by an Arab; every beast to die a natural death; no
interference till we have drained the carcass empty and picked its bones clean.
Cleanliness, nothing but cleanliness is what we want" -- and now they were
all lamenting and sobbing -- "how can you bear to live in such a world, O noble
heart and kindly bowels? Filth is their white; filth is their black; their
beards are a horror; the very sight of their eye sockets makes one want to
spit; and when they lift an arm, the murk of hell yawns in the armpit. And so,
sir, and so, dear sir, by means of your all-powerful hands slit their throats
through with these scissors!" And in answer to a jerk of his head a jackal
came trotting up with a small pair of sewing scissors, covered with ancient
rust, dangling from an eyetooth.
"Well, here's the scissors at
last, and high time to stop!" cried the Arab leader of our caravan who had
crept upwind toward us and now cracked his great whip.
The jackals fled in haste, but at
some little distance rallied in a close huddle, all the brutes so tightly
packed and rigid that they looked as if penned in a small fold girt by
flickering will-o'-the-wisps.
"So you've been treated to this
entertainment too, sir," said the Arab, laughing as gaily as the reserve
of his race permitted. "You know, then, what the brutes are after?" I
asked. "Of course," said he, "it's common knowledge; so long as
Arabs exist, that pair of scissors goes wandering through the desert and will
wander with us to the end of our days. Every European is offered it for the
great work; every European is just the man that Fate has chosen for them. They
have the most lunatic hopes, these beasts; they're just fools, utter fools.
That's why we like them; they are our dogs; finer dogs than any of yours. Watch
this, now, a camel died last night and I have had it brought here."
Four men came up with the heavy
carcass and threw it down before us. It had hardly touched the ground before
the jackals lifted up their voices. As if irresistibly drawn by cords each of
them began to waver forward, crawling on his belly. They had forgotten the
Arabs, forgotten their hatred, the all-obliterating immediate presence of the
stinking carrion bewitched them. One was already at the camel's throat, sinking
his teeth straight into an artery. Like a vehement small pump endeavoring with
as much determination as hopefulness to extinguish some raging fire, every
muscle in his body twitched and labored at the task. In a trice they were all
on top of the carcass, laboring in common, piled mountain-high.
And now the caravan leader lashed
his cutting whip crisscross over their backs. They lifted their heads; half
swooning in ecstasy; saw the Arabs standing before them; felt the sting of the
whip on their muzzles; leaped and ran backwards a stretch. But the camel's
blood was already lying in pools, reeking to heaven, the carcass was torn wide
open in many places. They could not resist it; they were back again; once more
the leader lifted his whip; I stayed his arm.
"You are right, sir," said
he, "we'll leave them to their business; besides, it's time to break camp.
Well, you've seen them. Marvelous creatures, aren't they? And how they hate
us!"
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Bridge
I was
stiff and cold, I was a bridge, I lay over a ravine. My toes on one
side, my fingers clutching the other, I had clamped myself fast into the
crumbling clay. The tails of my coat fluttered at my sides. Far below brawled
the icy trout stream. No tourist strayed to this impassable height, the bridge
was not yet traced on any map. So I lay and waited; I could only wait. Without
falling, no bridge, once spanned, can cease to be a bridge.
It was toward evening one day -- was
it the first, was it the thousandth? I cannot tell -- my thoughts were always
in confusion and perpetually moving in a circle. It was toward evening in
summer, the roar of the stream had grown deeper, when I heard the sound of a
human step! To me, to me. Straighten yourself, bridge, make ready, railless
beams, to hold up the passenger entrusted to you. If his steps are uncertain,
steady them unobtrusively, but if he stumbles show what you are made of and
like a mountain god hurl him across to land.
He came, he tapped me with the iron
point of his stick, then he lifted my coattails with it and put them in order
upon me. He plunged the point of his stick into my bushy hair and let it lie
there for a long time, forgetting me no doubt while he wildly gazed around him.
But then -- I was just following him in thought over mountain and valley -- he
jumped with both feet on the middle of my body. I shuddered with wild pain, not
knowing what was happening. Who was it? A child? A dream? A wayfarer? A
suicide? A tempter? A destroyer? And I turned around so as to see him. A bridge
to turn around! I had not yet turned quite around when I already began to fall,
I fell and in a moment I was torn and transpierced by the sharp rocks which had
always gazed up at me so peacefully from the rushing water.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Bucket Rider
Coal
all spent; the bucket empty; the shovel useless; the stove breathing out
cold; the room freezing; the trees outside the window rigid, covered with rime;
the sky a silver shield against anyone who looks for help from it. I must have
coal; I cannot freeze to death; behind me is the pitiless stove, before me the
pitiless sky, so I must ride out between them and on my journey seek aid from
the coaldealer. But he has already grown deaf to ordinary appeals; I must prove
irrefutably to him that I have not a single grain of coal left, and that he
means to me the very sun in the firmament. I must approach like a beggar, who,
with the death rattle already in his throat, insists on dying on the doorstep,
and to whom the cook accordingly decides to give the dregs of the coffeepot;
just so must the coaldealer, filled with rage, but acknowledging the command
"Thou shalt not kill," fling a shovelful of coal into my bucket.
My mode of arrival must decide the
matter; so I ride off on the bucket. Seated on the bucket, my hands on the
handle, the simplest kind of bridle, I propel myself with difficulty down the
stairs; but once downstairs my bucket ascends, superbly, superbly; camels
humbly squatting on the ground do not rise with more dignity, shaking
themselves under the sticks of their drivers. Through the hard-frozen streets
we go at a regular canter; often I am upraised as high as the first storey of a
house; never do I sink as low as the house doors. And at last I float at an
extraordinary height above the vaulted cellar of the dealer, whom I see far
below crouching over his table, where he is writing; he has opened the door to
let out the excessive heat.
"Coaldealer!" I cry in a
voice burned hollow by the frost and muffled in the cloud made by my breath,
"please, coaldealer, give me a little coal. My bucket is so light that I
can ride on it. Be kind. When I can I'll pay you."
The dealer puts his hand to his ear.
"Do I hear right?" he throws the question over his shoulder to his
wife. "Do I hear right? A customer."
"I hear nothing," says his
wife, breathing in and out peacefully while she knits on, her back pleasantly
warmed by the heat.
"Oh yes, you must hear," I
cry. "It's me; an old customer; faithful and true; only without means at
the moment."
"Wife," says the dealer,
"it's someone, it must be; my ears can't have deceived me so much as that;
it must be an old, a very old customer, that can move me so deeply."
"What ails you, man?" says
his wife, ceasing from her work for a moment and pressing her knitting to her
bosom. "It's nobody, the street is empty, all our customers are provided
for; we could close down the shop for several days and take a rest."
"But I'm sitting up here on the
bucket," I cry, and numb, frozen tears dim my eyes, "please look up
here, just once; you'll see me directly; I beg you, just a shovelful; and if
you give me more it'll make me so happy that I won't know what to do. All the
other customers are provided for. Oh, if I could only hear the coal clattering
into the bucket!"
"I'm coming," says the
coaldealer, and on his short legs he makes to climb the steps of the cellar,
but his wife is already beside him, holds him back by the arm and says:
"You stay here; seeing you persist in your fancies I'll go myself. Think
of the bad fit of coughing you had during the night. But for a piece of
business, even if it's one you've only fancied in your head, you're prepared to
forget your wife and child and sacrifice your lungs. I'll go."
"Then be sure to tell him all
the kinds of coal we have in stock! I'll shout out the prices after you."
"Right," says his wife,
climbing up to the street. Naturally she sees me at once. "Frau
Coaldealer," I cry, "my humblest greetings; just one shovelful of
coal; here in my bucket; I'll carry it home myself. One shovelful of the worst
you have. I'll pay you in full for it, of course, but not just now, not just
now." What a knell-like sound the words "not just now" have, and
how bewilderingly they mingle with the evening chimes that fall from the church
steeple nearby!
"Well, what does he want?"
shouts the dealer. "Nothing," his wife shouts back, "there's
nothing here; I see nothing, I hear nothing; only six striking, and now we must
shut up the shop. The cold is terrible; tomorrow we'll likely have lots to do
again."
She sees nothing and hears nothing;
but all the same she loosens her apron strings and waves her apron to waft me
away. She succeeds, unluckily. My bucket has all the virtues of a good steed
except powers of resistance, which it has not; it is too light; a woman's apron
can make it fly through the air.
"You bad woman!" I shout
back, while she, turning into the shop, half-contemptuous, half-reassured,
flourishes her fist in the air. "You bad woman! I begged you for a
shovelful of the worst coal and you would not give it me." And with that I
ascend into the regions of the ice mountains and am lost forever.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
New Advocate
We
have a new advocate, Dr. Bucephalus. There is little in his appearance
to remind you that he was once Alexander of Macedon's battle charger. Of
course, if you know his story, you are aware of something. But even a simple
usher whom I saw the other day on the front steps of the Law Courts, a man with
the professional appraisal of the regular small bettor at a racecourse, was
running an admiring eye over the advocate as he mounted the marble steps with a
high action that made them ring beneath his feet.
In general the Bar approves the
admission of Bucephalus. With astonishing insight people tell themselves that,
modern society being what it is, Bucephalus is in a difficult position, and
therefore, considering also his importance in the history of the world, he deserves
at least a friendly reception. Nowadays -- it cannot be denied -- there is no
Alexander the Great. There are plenty of men who know how to murder people; the
skill needed to reach over a banqueting table and pink a friend with a lance is
not lacking; and for many Macedonia is too confining, so that they curse
Philip, the father -- but no one, no one at all, can blaze a trail to India.
Even in his day the gates of India were beyond reach, yet the King's sword
pointed the way to them. Today the gates have receded to remoter and loftier
places; no one points the way; many carry swords, but only to brandish them,
and the eye that tries to follow them is confused.
So perhaps it is really best to do
as Bucephalus has done and absorb oneself in law books. In the quiet lamplight,
his flanks unhampered by the thighs of a rider, free and far from the clamor of
battle, he reads and turns the pages of our ancient tomes.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
An
Old Manuscript
It looks as if much had been neglected
in our country's system of defense. We have not concerned ourselves with it
until now and have gone about our daily work; but things that have been
happening recently begin to trouble us.
I have a cobbler's workshop in the
square that lies before the Emperor's palace. Scarcely have I taken my shutters
down, at the first glimmer of dawn, when I see armed soldiers already posted in
the mouth of every street opening on the square. But these soldiers are not
ours, they are obviously nomads from the North. In some way that is
incomprehensible to me they have pushed right into the capital, although it is
a long way from the frontier. At any rate, here they are; it seems that every
morning there are more of them.
As is their nature, they camp under
the open sky, for they abominate dwelling houses. They busy themselves
sharpening swords, whittling arrows, and practicing horsemanship. This peaceful
square, which was always kept so scrupulously clean, they have made literally
into a stable. We do try every now and then to run out of our shops and clear
away at least the worst of the filth, but this happens less and less often, for
the labor is in vain and brings us besides into danger of falling under the
hoofs of the wild horses or of being crippled with lashes from the whips.
Speech with the nomads is
impossible. They do not know our language, indeed they hardly have a language
of their own. They communicate with each other much as jackdaws do. A
screeching as of jackdaws is always in our ears. Our way of living and our
institutions they neither understand nor care to understand. And so they are
unwilling to make sense even out of our sign language. You can gesture at them
till you dislocate your jaws and your wrists and still they will not have
understood you and will never understand. They often make grimaces; then the
whites of their eyes turn up and foam gathers on their lips, but they do not
mean anything by that, not even a threat; they do it because it is their nature
to do it. Whatever they need, they take. You cannot call it taking by force.
They grab at something and you simply stand aside and leave them to it.
From my stock, too, they have taken
many good articles. But I cannot complain when I see how the butcher, for
instance, suffers across the street. As soon as he brings in any meat the
nomads snatch it all from him and gobble it up. Even their horses devour flesh;
often enough a horseman and his horse are lying side by side, both of them
gnawing at the same joint, one at either end. The butcher is nervous and does
not dare to stop his deliveries of meat. We understand that, however, and
subscribe money to keep him going. If the nomads got no meat, who knows what
they might think of doing; who knows anyhow what they may think of, even though
they get meat every day.
Not long ago the butcher thought he
might at least spare himself the trouble of slaughtering, and so one morning he
brought along a live ox. But he will never dare to do that again. I lay for a
whole hour flat on the floor at the back of my workshop with my head muffled in
all the clothes and rugs and pillows I had simply to keep from hearing the
bellowing of that ox, which the nomads were leaping on from all sides, tearing
morsels out of its living flesh with their teeth. It had been quiet for a long
time before I risked coming out; they were lying overcome around the remains of
the carcass like drunkards around a wine cask.
This was the occasion when I fancied
I actually saw the Emperor himself at a window of the palace; usually he never
enters these outer rooms but spends all his time in the innermost garden; yet
on this occasion he was standing, or so at least it seemed to me, at one of the
windows, watching with bent head the goings-on before his residence.
"What is going to happen?"
we all ask ourselves. "How long can we endure this burden and torment? The
Emperor's palace has drawn the nomads here but does not know how to drive them
away again. The gate stays shut; the guards, who used to be always marching out
and in with ceremony, keep close behind barred windows. It is left to us
artisans and tradesmen to save our country; but we are not equal to such a
task; nor have we ever claimed to be capable of it. This is a misunderstanding
of some kind; and it will be the ruin of us."
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Knock at the Manor Gate
It
was summer, a hot day. With my sister I was passing the gate of a great
house on our way home. I cannot tell now whether she knocked on the gate out of
mischief or out of absence of mind, or merely threatened it with her fist and
did not knock at all. A hundred paces further on along the road, which here
turned to the left, began the village. We did not know it very well, but no
sooner had we passed the first house when people appeared and made friendly or
warning signs to us; they were themselves apparently terrified, bowed down with
terror. They pointed toward the manor house that we had passed and reminded us
of the knock on the gate. The proprietor of the manor would charge us with it,
the interrogation would begin immediately. I remained quite calm and also tried
to calm my sister's fears. Probably she had not struck the door at all, and if
she had, nowhere in the world would that be a reason for prosecution. I tried
to make this clear to the people around us; they listened to me but refrained
from passing any opinion. Later they told me that not only my sister, but I
too, as her brother, would be charged. I nodded and smiled. We all gazed back
at the manor, as one watches a distant smoke cloud and waits for the flames to
appear. And right enough we presently saw horsemen riding in through the
wide-open gate. Dust rose, concealing everything, only the tops of the tall
spears glittered. And hardly had the troop vanished into the manor courtyard
before they seemed to have turned their horses again, for they were already on
their way to us. I urged my sister to leave me, I myself would set everything
right. She refused to leave me. I told her that she should at least change, so
as to appear in better clothes before these gentlemen. At last she obeyed and
set out on the long road to our home. Already the horsemen were beside us, and
even before dismounting they inquired after my sister. She wasn't here at the
moment, was the apprehensive reply, but she would come later. The answer was
received almost with indifference; the important thing seemed their having
found me. The chief members of the party appeared to be a young lively fellow,
who was a judge, and his silent assistant, who was called Assmann. I was asked
to enter the farmhouse. Shaking my head and hitching up my trousers, I slowly
began to move, while the sharp eyes of the party scrutinized me. I still half
believed that a word would be enough to free me, a city man, and with honor
too, from this peasant folk. But when I had stepped over the threshold of the
parlor the judge, who had hastened in front and was already awaiting me, said:
"I'm really sorry for this man." And it was beyond all possibility of
doubt that by this he did not mean my present state, but something that was to
happen to me. The room looked more like a prison cell than the parlor of a
farmhouse. Great stone flags on the floor, dark, quite bare walls, into one of
which an iron ring was fixed, in the middle something that looked half a
pallet, half an operating table.
Could I still endure any other air
than prison air? That is the great question, or rather it would be if I still
had any prospect of release.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Eleven
Sons
I have
eleven sons.
The first is outwardly very plain,
but serious and clever; yet, although I love him as I love all my children, I
do not rate him very highly. His mental processes seem to me to be too simple.
He looks neither to right nor to left, nor into the far distance; he runs
around all the time, or rather revolves, within his own little circle of
thoughts.
The second is handsome, slim, well
made; one draws one's breath with delight to watch him with a fencing foil. He
is clever too, but has experience of the world as well; he has seen much, and
therefore even our native country seems to yield more secrets to him than to
the stay-at-home. Yet I am sure that this advantage is not only and not even
essentially due to his travels, it is rather an attribute of his own inimitable
nature, which is acknowledged for instance by everyone who has ever tried to
copy him in, let us say, the fancy high dive he does into the water,
somersaulting several times over, yet with almost violent self-control. To the
very end of the springboard the emulator keeps up his courage and his desire to
follow; but at that point, instead of leaping into the air, he sits down
suddenly and lifts his arms in excuse. -- And despite all this (I ought really to feel blessed with such a
son) my attachment to him is not untroubled. His left eye is a little smaller
than his right and blinks a good deal; only a small fault, certainly, and one
which even lends more audacity to his face than it would otherwise have, nor,
considering his unapproachable self-sufficiency, would anyone think of noticing
and finding fault with this smaller eye and the way it blinks. Yet I, his
father, do so. Of course, it is not the physical blemish that worries me, but a
small irregularity of the spirit that somehow corresponds to it, a kind of
stray poison in the blood, a kind of inability to develop to the full the
potentialities of his nature which I alone can see. On the other hand, this is
just what makes him again my own true son, for this fault of his is a fault of
our whole family and in him it is only too apparent.
My third son is handsome too, but
not in a way that I appreciate. He has the good looks of a singer: the curving
lips; the dreaming eye; the kind of head that asks for drapery behind it to
make it effective; the too-deeply arched chest; hands that are quick to fly up
and much too quick to fall limp; legs that move delicately because they cannot
support a weight. And besides: the tone of his voice is not round and full; it
takes you in for a moment; the connoisseur pricks up his ears; but almost at
once its breath gives out. -- Although, in general, everything tempts me to
bring this son of mine into the limelight, I prefer to keep him in the
background; he himself is not insistent, yet not because he is aware of his
shortcomings but out of innocence. Moreover, he does not feel at home in our
age; as if he admitted belonging to our family, yet knew that he belonged also
to another which he has lost forever, he is often melancholy and nothing
can.cheer him.
My fourth son is perhaps the most
companionable of all. A true child of his age, he is understood by everyone, he
stands on what is common ground to all men, and everyone feels inclined to give
him a nod. Perhaps this universal appreciation is what makes his nature rather
facile, his movements rather free, his judgments rather unconcerned. Many of
his remarks are worth quoting over and over again, but by no means all of them,
for by and large his extreme facility becomes irritating. He is like a man who
makes a wonderful take-off from the ground, cleaves the air like a swallow, and
after all comes down helplessly in a desert waste, a nothing. Such reflections
gall me when I look at him.
My fifth son is kind and good;
promised less than he performed; used to be so insignificant that one literally
felt alone in his presence; but has achieved a certain reputation. If I were
asked how this came about, I could hardly tell you. Perhaps innocence makes its
way easiest through the elemental chaos of this world, and innocent he
certainly is. Perhaps too innocent. Friendly to everyone. Perhaps too friendly.
I confess: I don't feel comfortable when I hear him praised. It seems to make
praise rather too cheap to bestow it on anyone so obviously praiseworthy as
this son of mine.
My sixth son seems, at first glance
anyhow, the most thoughtful of all. He is given to hanging his head, and yet he
is a great talker. So he is not easy to get at. If he is on the down grade, he
falls into impenetrable melancholy; if he is in the ascendant, he maintains his
advantage by sheer talk. Yet I grant him a certain self-forgetful passionate
absorption; in the full light of day he often fights his way through a tangle
of thoughts as if in a dream. Without being ill -- his health on the contrary
is very good -- he sometimes staggers, especially in the twilight, but he needs
no help, he never falls. Perhaps his physical growth is the cause of this
phenomenon, he is much too tall for his age. That makes him look ugly in
general, although he has remarkable beauty in detail, in hands and feet, for
instance. His forehead, too, is ugly; both its skin and its bone formation are
somehow arrested in their development.
The seventh son belongs to me
perhaps more than all the others. The world would not know how to appreciate
him; it does not understand his peculiar brand of wit. I do not overvalue him;
I know he is of little enough importance; if the world had no other fault than
that of not appreciating him, it would still be blameless. But within the
family circle I should not care to be without this son of mine. He contributes
a certain restlessness as well as a reverence for tradition, and combines them
both, at least that is how I feel it, into an incontestable whole. True, he
knows less than anyone what to do with this achievement; the wheel of the
future will never be started rolling by him; but his disposition is so
stimulating, so rich in hope; I wish that he had children and children's
children. Unfortunately he does not seem inclined to fulfill my wish. With a
self-satisfaction that I understand as much as I deplore, and which stands in
magnificent contrast to the verdict of the world, he goes everywhere alone,
pays no attention to girls, and yet will never lose his good humor.
My eighth son is my child of sorrow,
and I do not really know why. He keeps me at a distance and yet I feel a close
paternal tie binding me to him. Time has done much to lessen the pain; but once
I used often to tremble at the mere thought of him. He goes his own way; he has
broken off all communication with me; and certainly with his hard head, his small
athletic body -- only his legs were rather frail when he was a boy, but perhaps
that has meanwhile righted itself -- he will make a success of anything he
chooses. Many a time I used to want to call him back, to ask him how things
really were with him, why he cut himself off so completely from his father, and
what his fundamental purpose was in life, but now he is so far away and so much
time has passed that things had better stay as they are. I hear that he is the
only one of my sons to grow a full beard; that cannot look well, of course, on
a man so small as he is.
My ninth son is very elegant and has
what women consider a definitely melting eye. So melting that there are
occasions when he can cajole even me, although I know that a wet sponge is literally
enough to wipe away all that unearthly brilliance. But the curious thing about
the boy is that he makes no attempt to be seductive; he would be content to
spend his life lying on the sofa and wasting his glances on the ceiling, or
still better, keeping them to himself under his eyelids. When he is lying in
this favorite position, he enjoys talking and talks quite well; concisely and
pithily; but still only within narrow limits; once he oversteps these, which he
cannot avoid doing since they are so narrow, what he says is quite empty. One
would sign him to stop, if one had any hope that such slumbrous eyes were even
aware of the gesture.
My tenth son is supposed to be an
insincere character. I shall not entirely deny or confirm this supposition.
Certainly anyone who sees him approaching with the pomposity of a man twice his
age, in a frock coat always tightly buttoned, an old but meticulously brushed
black hat, with an expressionless face, slightly jutting chin, protruding
eyelids that mask the light behind them, two fingers very often at his lips --
anyone seeing him thus is bound to think: what an utter hypocrite. But then,
just listen to him talking! With understanding; thoughtfully; brusquely;
cutting across questions with satirical vivacity; in complete accord with the
universe, an accord that is surprising, natural and gay; an accord that of
necessity straightens the neck and makes the body proud. Many who think
themselves very clever and for this reason, as they fancied, felt a dislike for
his outward appearance, have become strongly attached to him because of his
conversation. There are other people, again, who are unaffected by his
appearance but who find his conversation hypocritical. I, being his father,
will not pronounce a verdict, but I must admit that the latter critics are at
least to be taken more seriously than the former.
My eleventh son is delicate,
probably the frailest of my sons; but deceptive in his weakness; for at times
he can be strong and resolute, though even then there is somehow always an
underlying weakness. Yet it is not a weakness to be ashamed of, merely
something that appears as weakness only on this solid earth of ours. For
instance, is not a readiness for flight a kind of weakness too, since it
consists in a wavering, an unsteadiness, a fluttering? Something of that nature
characterizes my son. These are not, of course, the characteristics to rejoice
a father; they tend obviously to destroy a family. Sometimes he looks at me as
if he would say: "I shall take you with me, Father." Then I think:
"You are the last person I would trust myself to." And again his look
seems to say: "Then let me be at least the last."
These are my eleven sons.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
My
Neighbor
My business rests entirely on my own shoulders. Two girl clerks with
typewriters and ledgers in the anteroom, my own room with writing desk, safe,
consulting table, easy chair, and telephone: such is my entire working
apparatus. So simple to control, so easy to direct. I'm quite young, and lots
of business comes my way. I don't complain, I don't complain.
At the beginning of the year a young
man snapped up the empty premises next to mine, which very foolishly I had
hesitated to rent until it was too late. They also consist of a room and an
anteroom, with a kitchen, however, thrown in -- the room and anteroom I would
certainly have found some use for, my two girl clerks feel somewhat overdriven
as it is -- but what use would a kitchen have been to me? This petty consideration
was solely responsible for my allowing the premises to be snatched from under
my nose. Now that young man sits there. Harras, his name is. What he actually
does there I have no idea. On the door is a sign: "Harras Bureau." I
have made inquiries and I am told it is a business similar to mine. One can't
exactly warn people against extending the fellow credit, for after all he is a
young and pushing man who probably has a future; yet one can't go so far as to
advise it, for by all appearances he has no assets yet. The usual thing said by
people who don't know.
Sometimes I meet Harras on the
stairs; he seems always to be in an extraordinary hurry, for he literally
shoots past me. I have never got a good look at him yet, for his office key is
always in his hand when he passes me. In a trice he has the door open. Like the
tail of a rat he has slipped through and I'm left standing again before the
sign "Harras Bureau," which I have read already far oftener than it
deserves.
The wretchedly thin walls betray the
honorable and capable man, but shield the dishonest. My telephone is fixed to
the wall that separates me from my neighbor. But I single that out merely as a
particularly ironical circumstance. For even if it hung on the opposite wall,
everything could be heard in the next room. I have accustomed myself to refrain
from naming the names of my customers when speaking on the telephone to them.
But of course it does not need much skill to guess the names from
characteristic but unavoidable turns of the conversation. Sometimes I
absolutely dance with apprehension around the telephone, the receiver at my
ear, and yet can't help divulging secrets.
Because of all this my business
decisions have naturally become unsure, my voice nervous. What is Harras doing
while I am telephoning? If I wanted to exaggerate -- and one must often do that
so as to make things clear in one's mind -- I might assert that Harras does not
require a telephone, he uses mine, he pushes his sofa against the wall and
listens; while I at the other side must fly to the telephone, listen to all the
requests of my customers, come to difficult and grave decisions, carry out long
calculations -- but worst of all, during all this time, involuntarily give
Harras valuable information through the wall.
Perhaps he doesn't wait even for the
end of the conversation, but gets up at the point where the matter has become
clear to him, flies through the town with his usual haste, and, before I have
hung up the receiver, is already at his goal working against me.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Crossbreed
[A
Sport]
I have
a curious animal, half kitten, half lamb. It is a legacy from my father.
But it only developed in my time; formerly it was far more lamb than kitten.
Now it is both in about equal parts. From the cat it takes its head and claws,
from the lamb its size and shape; from both its eyes, which are wild and
flickering, its hair, which is soft, lying close to its body, its movements,
which partake both of skipping and slinking. Lying on the window sill in the
sun it curls up in a ball and purrs; out in the meadow it rushes about like mad
and is scarcely to be caught. It flees from cats and makes to attack lambs. On
moonlight nights its favorite promenade is along the eaves. It cannot mew and
it loathes rats. Beside the hen coop it can lie for hours in ambush, but it has
never yet seized an opportunity for murder.
I feed it on milk; that seems to
suit it best. In long draughts it sucks the milk in through its fanglike teeth.
Naturally it is a great source of entertainment for children. Sunday morning is
the visiting hour. I sit with the little beast on my knees, and the children of
the whole neighborhood stand around me.
Then the strangest questions are
asked, which no human being could answer: Why there is only one such animal,
why I rather than anybody else should own it, whether there was ever an animal
like it before and what would happen if it died, whether it feels lonely, why
it has no children, what it is called, etc.
I never trouble to answer, but
confine myself without further explanation to exhibiting my possession.
Sometimes the children bring cats with them; once they actually brought two
lambs. But against all their hopes there was no scene of recognition. The
animals gazed calmly at each other with their animal eyes, and obviously
accepted their reciprocal existence as a divine fact.
Sitting on my knees, the beast knows
neither fear nor lust of pursuit. Pressed against me it is happiest. It remains
faithful to the family that brought it up. In that there is certainly no
extraordinary mark of fidelity, but merely the true instinct of an animal
which, though it has countless step-relations in the world, has perhaps not a
single blood relation, and to which consequently the protection it has found
with us is sacred.
Sometimes I cannot help laughing
when it sniffs around me and winds itself between my legs and simply will not
be parted from me. Not content with being lamb and cat, it almost insists on
being a dog as well. Once when, as may happen to anyone, I could see no way out
of my business problems and all that they involved, and was ready to let
everything go, and in this mood was lying in my rocking chair in my room, the
beast on my knees, I happened to glance down and saw tears dropping from its
huge whiskers. Were they mine, or were they the animal's? Had this cat, along
with the soul of a lamb, the ambitions of a human being? I did not inherit much
from my father, but this legacy is quite remarkable.
It has the restlessness of both
beasts, that of the cat and that of the lamb, diverse as they are. For that
reason its skin feels too tight for it. Sometimes it jumps up on the armchair
beside me, plants its front legs on my shoulder, and put its muzzle to my ear.
It is as if it were saying something to me, and as a matter of fact it turns
its head afterwards and gazes in my face to see the impression its
communication has made. And to oblige it I behave as if I had understood, and
nod. Then it jumps to the floor and dances about with joy.
Perhaps the knife of the butcher
would be a release for this animal; but as it is a legacy I must deny it that.
So it must wait until the breath voluntarily leaves its body, even though it
sometimes gazes at me with a look of human understanding, challenging me to do
the thing of which both of us are thinking.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Cares of a Family Man
Some
say the word Odradek is of Slavonic origin, and try to account for it on
that basis. Others again believe it to be of German origin, only influenced by
Slavonic. The uncertainty of both interpretations allows one to assume with
justice that neither is accurate, especially as neither of them provides an
intelligent meaning of the word.
No one, of course, would occupy
himself with such studies if there were not a creature called Odradek. At first
glance it looks like a flat star-shaped spool for thread, and indeed it does
seem to have thread wound upon it; to be sure, they are only old, broken-off
bits of thread, knotted and tangled together, of the most varied sorts and
colors. But it is not only a spool, for a small wooden crossbar sticks out of
the middle of the star, and another small rod is joined to that at a right
angle. By means of this latter rod on one side and one of the points of the
star on the other, the whole thing can stand upright as if on two legs.
One is tempted to believe that the
creature once had some sort of intelligible shape and is now only a broken-down
remnant. Yet this does not seem to be the case; at least there is no sign of
it; nowhere is there an unfinished or unbroken surface to suggest anything of
the kind; the whole thing looks senseless enough, but in its own way perfectly
finished. In any case, closer scrutiny is impossible, since Odradek is
extraordinarily nimble and can never be laid hold of.
He lurks by turns in the garret, the
stairway, the lobbies, the entrance hall. Often for months on end he is not to
be seen; then he has presumably moved into other houses; but he always comes
faithfully back to our house again. Many a time when you go out of the door and
he happens just to be leaning directly beneath you against the banisters you
feel inclined to speak to him. Of course, you put no difficult questions to
him, you treat him -- he is so diminutive that you cannot help it -- rather
like a child. "Well, what's your name?" you ask him.
"Odradek," he says. "And where do you live?" "No fixed
abode," he says and laughs; but it is only the kind of laughter that has
no lungs behind it. It sounds rather like the rustling of fallen leaves. And
that is usually the end of the conversation. Even these answers are not always
forthcoming; often he stays mute for a long time, as wooden as his appearance.
I ask myself, to no purpose, what is
likely to happen to him? Can he possibly die? Anything that dies has had some
kind of aim in life, s6me kind of activity, which has worn out; but that does
not apply to Odradek. Am I to suppose, then, that he will always be rolling
down the stairs, with ends of thread trailing after him, right before the feet
of my children, and my children's children? He does no harm to anyone that one
can see; but the idea that he is likely to survive me I find almost painful.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
A
Common Contusion
A common
experience, resulting in a common confusion. A. has to transact
important business with B. in H. He goes to H. for a preliminary interview,
accomplishes the journey there in ten minutes, and the journey back in the same
time, and on returning boasts to his family of his expedition. Next day he goes
again to H., this time to settle his business finally. As that by all
appearances will require several hours, A. leaves very early in the morning.
But although all the surrounding circumstances, at least in A.'s estimation,
are exactly the same as the day before, this time it takes him ten hours to
reach H. When he arrives there quite exhausted in the evening he is informed
that B., annoyed at his absence, had left half an hour before to go to A.'s
village, and that they must have passed each other on the road. A. is advised
to wait. But in his anxiety about his business he sets off at once and hurries
home.
This time he covers the distance,
without paying any particular attention to the fact, practically in an instant.
At home he learns that B. had arrived quite early, immediately after A.'s
departure, indeed that he had met A. on the threshold and reminded him of his
business; but A. had replied that he had no time to spare, he must go at once.
In spite of this incomprehensible
behavior of A., however, B. had stayed on to wait for A.'s return. It is true,
he had asked several times whether A. was not back yet, but he was still
sitting up in A.'s room. Overjoyed at the opportunity of seeing B. at once and
explaining everything to him, A. rushes upstairs. He is almost at the top, when
he stumbles, twists a sinew, and almost fainting with the pain, incapable even
of uttering a cry, only able to moan faintly in the darkness, he hears B. --
impossible to tell whether at a great distance or quite near him -- stamping
down the stairs in a violent rage and vanishing for good.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Truth about Sancho Panza
Without
making any boast of it Sancho Panza succeeded in the course of years, by
feeding him a great number of romances of chivalry and adventure in the evening
and night hours, in so diverting from himself his demon, whom he later called
Don Quixote, that this demon thereupon set out, uninhibited, on the maddest
exploits, which, however, for the lack of a preordained object, which should
have been Sancho Panza himself, harmed nobody. A free man, Sancho Panza philosophically
followed Don Quixote on his crusades, perhaps out of a sense of responsibility,
and had of them a great and edifying entertainment to the end of his days.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Silence of the Sirens
Proof
that inadequate, even childish measures may serve to rescue one from
peril:
To protect himself from the Sirens
Ulysses stopped his ears with wax and had himself bound to the mast of his
ship. Naturally any and every traveler before him could have done the same,
except those whom the Sirens allured even from a great distance; but it was
known to all the world that such things were of no help whatever. The song of
the Sirens could pierce through everything, and the longing of those they
seduced would have broken far stronger bonds than chains and masts. But Ulysses
did not think of that, although he had probably heard of it. He trusted
absolutely to his handful of wax and his fathom of chain, and in innocent
elation over his little stratagem sailed out to meet the Sirens.
Now the Sirens have a still more
fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence. And though admittedly such
a thing has never happened, still it is conceivable that someone might possibly
have escaped from their singing; but from their silence certainly never.
Against the feeling of having triumphed over them by one's own strength, and
the consequent exaltation that bears down everything before it, no earthly
powers can resist.
And when Ulysses approached them the
potent songstresses actually did not sing, whether because they thought that
this enemy could be vanquished only by their silence, or because the look of
bliss on the face of Ulysses, who was thinking of nothing but his wax and his
chains, made them forget their singing.
But Ulysses, if one may so express
it, did not hear their silence; he thought they were singing and that he alone
did not hear them. For a fleeting moment he saw their throats rising and
falling, their breasts lifting, their eyes filled with tears, their lips
half-parted, but believed that these were accompaniments to the airs which died
unheard around him. Soon, however, all this faded from his sight as he fixed
his gaze on the distance, the Sirens literally vanished before his resolution,
and at the very moment when they were nearest to him he knew of them no longer.
But they -- lovelier than ever --
stretched their necks and turned, let their awesome hair flutter free in the
wind, and freely stretched their claws on the rocks. They no longer had any
desire to allure; all that they wanted was to hold as long as they could the
radiance that fell from Ulysses' great eyes.
If the Sirens had possessed
consciousness they would have been annihilated at that moment. But they
remained as they had been; all that had happened was that Ulysses had escaped
them.
A codicil to the foregoing has also
been handed down. Ulysses, it is said, was so full of guile, was such a fox,
that not even the goddess of fate could pierce his armor. Perhaps he had really
noticed, although here the human understanding is beyond its depths, that the
Sirens were silent, and held up to them and to the gods the aforementioned
pretense merely as a sort of shield.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Prometheus
There
are four legends concerning Prometheus:
According to the first he was
clamped to a rock in the Caucasus for betraying the secrets of the gods to men,
and the gods sent eagles to feed on his liver, which was perpetually renewed.
According to the second Prometheus,
goaded by the pain of the tearing beaks, pressed himself deeper and deeper into
the rock until he became one with it.
According to the third his treachery
was forgotten in the course of thousands of years, forgotten by the gods, the
eagles, forgotten by himself.
According to the fourth everyone
grew weary of the meaningless affair. The gods grew weary, the eagles grew
weary, the wound closed wearily.
There remained the inexplicable mass
of rock. The legend tried to explain the inexplicable. As it came out of a substratum
of truth it had in turn to end in the inexplicable.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
City Coat of Arms
At
first all the arrangements for building the Tower of Babel were
characterized by fairly good order; indeed the order was perhaps too perfect,
too much thought was given to guides, interpreters, accommodations for the
workmen, and roads of communication, as if there were centuries before one to
do the work in. In fact, the general opinion at that time was that one simply
could not build too slowly; a very little insistence on this would have
sufficed to make one hesitate to lay the foundations at all. People argued in this
way: The essential thing in the whole business is the idea of building a tower
that will reach to heaven. In comparison with that idea everything else is
secondary. The idea, once seized in its magnitude, can never vanish again; so
long as there are men on the earth there will be also the irresistible desire
to complete the building. That being so, however, one need have no anxiety
about the future; on the contrary, human knowledge is increasing, the art of
building has made progress and will make further progress, a piece of work
which takes us a year may perhaps be done in half the time in another hundred
years, and better done, too, more enduringly. So why exert oneself to the
extreme limit of one's present powers? There would be some sense in doing that
only if it were likely that the tower could be completed in one generation. But
that is beyond all hope. It is far more likely that the next generation with
their perfected knowledge will find the work of their predecessors bad, and
tear down what has been built so as to begin anew. Such thoughts paralyzed
people's powers, and so they troubled less about the tower than the
construction of a city for the workmen. Every nationality wanted the finest
quarter for itself, and this gave rise to disputes, which developed into bloody
conflicts. These conflicts never came to an end; to the leaders they were a new
proof that, in the absence of the necessary unity, the building of the tower
must be done very slowly, or indeed preferably postponed until universal peace
was declared. But the time was spent not only in conflict; the town was
embellished in the intervals, and this unfortunately enough evoked fresh envy
and fresh conflict. In this fashion the age of the first generation went past,
but none of the succeeding ones showed any difference; except that technical
skill increased and with it occasion for conflict. To this must be added that
the second or third generation had already recognized the senselessness of
building a heaven-reaching tower; but by that time everybody was too deeply
involved to leave the city.
All the legends and songs that came
to birth in that city are filled with longing for a prophesied day when the
city would be destroyed by five successive blows from a gigantic fist. It is
for that reason too that the city has a closed fist on its coat of arms.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Poseidon
Poseidon
sat at his desk, going over the accounts. The administration of all the
waters gave him endless work. He could have had as many assistants as he
wanted, and indeed he had quite a number, but since he took his job very
seriously he insisted on going through all the accounts again himself, and so
his assistants were of little help to him. It cannot be said that he enjoyed
the work; he carried it out simply because it was assigned to him; indeed he
had frequently applied for what he called more cheerful work, but whenever
various suggestions were put to him it turned out that nothing suited him so
well as his present employment. Needless to say, it was very difficult to find
him another job. After all, he could not possibly be put in charge of one
particular ocean. Quite apart from the fact that in this case the work involved
would not be less, only more petty, the great Poseidon could hold only a
superior position. And when he was offered a post unrelated to the waters, the
very idea made him feel sick, his divine breath came short and his brazen chest
began to heave. As a matter of fact, no one took his troubles very seriously;
when a mighty man complains one must pretend to yield, however hopeless the
case may seem. No one ever really considered relieving Poseidon of his
position; he had been destined to be God of the Seas since time immemorial, and
that was how it had to remain.
What annoyed him most -- and this
was the chief cause of discontent with his job -- was to learn of the rumors
that were circulating about him; for instance, that he was constantly cruising
through the waves with his trident. Instead of which here he was sitting in the
depths of the world's ocean endlessly going over the accounts, an occasional
journey to Jupiter being the only interruption of the monotony, a journey
moreover from which he invariably returned in a furious temper. As a result he
had hardly seen the oceans, save fleetingly during his hasty ascent to Olympus,
and had never really sailed upon them. He used to say that he was postponing
this until the end of the world, for then there might come a quiet moment when,
just before the end and having gone through the last account, he could still
make a quick little tour.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
Fellowship
We
are five friends, one day we came out of a house one after the other,
first one came and placed himself beside the gate, then the second came, or
rather he glided through the gate like a little ball of quicksilver, and placed
himself near the first one, then came the third, then the fourth, then the
fifth. Finally we all stood in a row. People began to notice us, they pointed
at us and said: Those five just came out of that house. Since then we have been
living together; it would be a peaceful life if it weren't for a sixth one
continually trying to interfere. He doesn't do us any harm, but he annoys us,
and that is harm enough; why does he intrude where he is not wanted? We don't
know him and don't want him to join us. There was a time, of course, when the
five of us did not know one another, either; and it could be said that we still
don't know one another, but what is possible and can be tolerated by the five
of us is not possible and cannot be tolerated with this sixth one. In any case,
we are five and don't want to be six. And what is the point of this continual
being together anyhow? It is also pointless for the five of us, but here we are
together and will remain together; a new combination, however, we do not want,
just because of our experiences. But how is one to make all this clear to the
sixth one? Long explanations would almost amount to accepting him in our
circle, so we prefer not to explain and not to accept him. No matter how he
pouts his lips we push him away with our elbows, but however much we push him
away, back he comes.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
At
Night
Deeply
lost in the night. Just as one sometimes lowers one's head to reflect,
thus to be utterly lost in the night. All around people are asleep. It's just
play acting, an innocent self-deception, that they sleep in houses, in safe
beds, under a safe roof, stretched out or curled up on mattresses, in sheets,
under blankets; in reality they have flocked together as they had once upon a
time and again later in a deserted region, a camp in the open, a countless
number of men, an army, a people, under a cold sky on cold earth, collapsed
where once they had stood, forehead pressed on the arm, face to the ground,
breathing quietly. And you are watching, are one of the watchmen, you find the
next one by brandishing a burning stick from the brushwood pile beside you. Why
are you watching? Someone must watch, it is said. Someone must be there.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Problem of Our Laws
Our
laws are not generally known; they are kept secret by the small group of
nobles who rule us. We are convinced that these ancient laws are scrupulously
administered; nevertheless it is an extremely painful thing to be ruled by laws
that one does not know. I am not thinking of possible discrepancies that may
arise in the interpretation of the laws, or of the disadvantages involved when
only a few and not the whole people are allowed to have a say in their
interpretation. These disadvantages are perhaps of no great importance. For the
laws are very ancient; their interpretation has been the work of centuries, and
has itself doubtless acquired the status of law; and though there is still a
possible freedom of interpretation left, it has now become very restricted.
Moreover the nobles have obviously no cause to be influenced in their
interpretation by personal interests inimical to us, for the laws were made to
the advantage of the nobles from the very beginning, they themselves stand
above the laws, and that seems to be why the laws were entrusted exclusively
into their hands. Of course, there is wisdom in that -- who doubts the wisdom
of the ancient laws? -- but also hardship for us; probably that is unavoidable.
The very existence of these laws,
however, is at most a matter of presumption. There is a tradition that they
exist and that they are a mystery confided to the nobility, but it is not and
cannot be more than a mere tradition sanctioned by age, for the essence of a
secret code is that it should remain a mystery. Some of us among the people
have attentively scrutinized the doings of the nobility since the earliest times
and possess records made by our forefathers -- records which we have
conscientiously continued -- and claim to recognize amid the countless number
of facts certain main tendencies which permit of this or that historical
formulation; but when in accordance with these scrupulously tested and
logically ordered conclusions we seek to adjust ourselves somewhat for the
present or the future, everything becomes uncertain, and our work seems only an
intellectual game, for perhaps these laws that we are trying to unravel do not
exist at all. There is a small party who are actually of this opinion and who
try to show that, if any law exists, it can only be this: The Law is whatever
the nobles do. This party see everywhere only the arbitrary acts of the
nobility, and reject the popular tradition, which according to them possesses
only certain trifling and incidental advantages that do not offset its heavy
drawbacks, for it gives the people a false, deceptive, and overconfident
security in confronting coming events. This cannot be gainsaid, but the
overwhelming majority of our people account for it by the fact that the
tradition is far from complete and must be more fully inquired into, that the
material available, prodigious as it looks, is still too meager, and that several
centuries will have to pass before it becomes really adequate. This view, so
comfortless as far as the present is concerned, is lightened only by the belief
that a time will eventually come when the tradition and our research into it
will jointly reach their conclusion, and as it were gain a breathing space,
when everything will have become clear, the law will belong to the people, and
the nobility will vanish. This is not maintained in any spirit of hatred
against the nobility; not at all, and by no one. We are more inclined to hate
ourselves, because we have not yet shown ourselves worthy of being entrusted
with the laws. And that is the real reason why the party who believe that there
is no law have remained so few -- although their doctrine is in certain ways so
attractive, for it unequivocally recognizes the nobility and its right to go on
existing. Actually one can express the problem only in a sort of paradox: Any
party that would repudiate not only all belief in the laws, but the nobility as
well, would have the whole people behind it; yet no such party can come into
existence, for nobody would dare to repudiate the nobility. We live on this
razor's edge. A writer once summed the matter up in this way: The sole visible
and indubitable law that is imposed upon us is the nobility, and must we
ourselves deprive ourselves of that one law?
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Conscription of Troops
The
conscription of troops, often necessary on account of the never-ending
frontier wars, takes place in the following manner:
The order goes out that on a certain
day in a certain part of town all inhabitants -- men, women, and children
without exception -- have to remain indoors. Usually at about noon the young
nobleman in charge of the conscription appears at the entrance of that part of
town where a detachment of soldiers, both infantry and cavalry, has been
waiting since dawn. He is a young man, slender, not tall, weak, carelessly
dressed, with tired eyes, waves of restlessness continually passing through him
like the shivers of a fever. Without looking at anyone he makes a sign with a
whip, his sole equipment, whereupon several soldiers join him and he enters the
first house. A soldier, who knows personally all the inhabitants in this part
of town, reads out the list of the inmates. As a rule they are all present,
lined up in the room, their eyes fixed on the nobleman, as though they were
soldiers already. It can happen, however, that here and there someone, it's
invariably a man, is missing. In this case no one will dare to utter an excuse,
let alone a lie, everyone is silent, all eyes are lowered, the pressure of the
command which someone in this house has evaded is almost unbearable, but the
silent presence of the nobleman keeps everyone nevertheless in his place. The
nobleman makes a sign, it's not even a nod, it can be read only in his eyes,
and two soldiers begin the search for the missing man. This is not difficult.
He is never out of the house, never really intends to evade military service,
it's only fear that has prevented him from turning up, yet it's not fear of the
service itself that keeps him away, it's the general reluctance to show himself,
for him the command is almost too great, so frighteningly great that he cannot
appear of his own accord. This is why he does not flee, he simply goes into
hiding, and on learning that the nobleman is in the house he even leaves his
hiding place and creeps to the door of the room where he is promptly caught by
the soldiers in search of him. He is brought before the nobleman who seizes the
whip with both hands -- he is so weak he can't do it with one hand -- and gives
the man a thrashing. Having inflicted no great pain, he drops the whip, half
from exhaustion, half from disgust, whereupon the beaten man has to pick it up
and hand it to him. Only then may he join the line with the others;
incidentally, it is almost certain that he will not be recruited. But it also
happens, and this is more frequent, that a greater number of people appear than
are listed. There, for instance, stands an unknown girl, staring at the
nobleman; she is from out of town, from the provinces perhaps, the conscription
has lured her here. There are many women who cannot resist the temptation of a
conscription in another town, conscriptions at home meaning something quite
different. And, strangely enough, it is not considered disgraceful for a woman
to surrender to this temptation; on the contrary, in the opinion of many, this
is something women have to go through, a debt which they pay to their sex.
Moreover, it invariably takes the same course. The girl or the woman learns
that somewhere, perhaps very far away, at the home of relatives or friends, a
conscription is going to take place; she asks her family for permission to
undertake the journey, which is granted -- it cannot very well be refused --
she puts on her best clothes, is gayer than usual, at the same time calm and
friendly, no matter what she may be like at other times; and yet behind all the
calm and friendliness she is inaccessible, like an utter stranger who is on her
way home and can think of nothing else. In the family where the conscription is
going to take place she is received quite differently from an ordinary guest;
everyone flatters her, she is invited to walk through all the rooms in the
house, lean out of all the windows, and if she puts her hand on someone's head
it means more than a father's blessing. When the family is preparing for the
conscription she is given the best place, which is near the door where she has
the best chance of being seen by the nobleman and can best see him. She is
honored in this way, however, only until the nobleman enters; thereafter she begins
to fade. He looks at her as little as at the others, and even when his eye
rests on someone, that person is not aware of being looked at. This is
something she has not expected or rather she certainly has, for it cannot be
otherwise, yet it wasn't the expectation of the opposite that had driven her
here, it was just something that had now definitely come to an end. She feels
shame to a degree which our women possibly feel at no other time; only now is
she fully aware of having forced her way into a foreign conscription, and when
the soldier has read out the list and her name is not on it and there comes a
moment of silence, she flees stooped and trembling out of the door, receiving
in addition a blow in the back from a soldier's fist.
Should the person not on the list be
a man, his only desire is to be conscripted with the others although he does
not belong to this house. But this too is utterly out of the question, an
outsider of this kind has never been conscripted and nothing of the sort will
ever happen.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Test
I am
a servant, but there is no work for me. I am timid and don't push myself
to the fore, indeed I don't even push myself into line with the others, but
that is only one reason for my nonemployment, it's even possible that it has
nothing to do with my nonemployment, in any case the main thing is that I am
not called upon to serve, others have been called yet they have not tried
harder than I, indeed perhaps they have not even felt the desire to be called,
whereas I, at least sometimes, have felt it very strongly.
So I lie on the pallet in the
servants' hall, stare at the beams in the ceiling, fall asleep, wake up, and
promptly fall asleep again. Occasionally I walk over to the tavern where they
sell a sour beer, occasionally I have even poured away a glass in disgust, but
at other times I drink it. I like sitting there because from behind the closed
little window, without the possibility of being discovered, I can see across to
the windows of our house. Not that one sees very much there, to my knowledge
only the windows of the corridors look out on the street, and moreover not even
those of the corridors leading to my employers' apartments. But it is also
possible that I am mistaken; someone, without my having asked him, once said
so, and the general impression of this house front confirms this. Only rarely
are the windows opened, and when this does occur it is done by a servant who
may lean against the balustrade to look down for a while. It follows therefore
that these are corridors where he cannot be taken by surprise. As a matter of
fact I am not personally acquainted with these servants; those who are
permanently employed upstairs sleep elsewhere, not in my room.
Once when I arrived at the tavern, a
guest was sitting at my observation post. I did not dare look at him closely
and was about to turn around in the door and leave. The guest, however, called
me over, and it turned out that he too was a servant whom I had once seen
somewhere before, but without having spoken to him.
"Why do you want to run away?
Sit down and have a drink! I'll pay." So I sat down. He asked me several
things, but I couldn't answer, indeed I didn't even understand his questions.
So I said: "Perhaps you are sorry now that you invited me, so I'd better
go," and I was about to get up. But he stretched his hand out over the
table and pressed me down. "Stay," he said, "that was only a
test. He who does not answer the questions has passed the test."
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Vulture
A vulture
was hacking at my feet. It had already torn my boots and stockings to
shreds, now it was hacking at the feet themselves. Again and again it struck at
them, then circled several times restlessly around me, then returned to continue
its work. A gentleman passed by, looked on for a while, then asked me why I
suffered the vulture. "I'm helpless," I said. "When it came and
began to attack me, I of course tried to drive it away, even to strangle it,
but these animals are very strong, it was about to spring at my face, but I
preferred to sacrifice my feet. Now they are almost torn to bits."
"Fancy letting yourself be tortured like this!" said the gentleman.
"One shot and that's the end of the vulture." "Really?" I
said. "And would you do that?" "With pleasure," said the
gentleman, "I've only got to go home and get my gun. Could you wait
another half-hour?" "I'm not sure about that," said I, and stood
for a moment rigid with pain. Then I said: "Do try it in any case,
please." "Very well," said the gentleman, "I'll be as quick
as I can." During this conversation the vulture had been calmly listening,
letting its eye rove between me and the gentleman. Now I realized that it had
understood everything; it took wing, leaned far back to gain impetus, and then,
like a javelin thrower, thrust its beak through my mouth, deep into me. Falling
back, I was relieved to feel him drowning irretrievably in my blood, which was
filling every depth, flooding every shore.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Helmsman
"Am I not the helmsman here?" I called out. "You?"
asked a tall, dark man and passed his hands over his eyes as though to banish a
dream. I had been standing at the helm in the dark night, a feeble lantern
burning over my head, and now this man had come and tried to push me aside. And
as I would not yield, he put his foot on my chest and slowly crushed me while I
still clung to the hub of the helm, wrenching it around in falling. But the man
seized it, pulled it back in place, and pushed me away. I soon collected
myself, however, ran to the hatchway which gave on to the mess quarters, and
cried out: "Men! Comrades! Come here, quick! A stranger has driven me away
from the helm!" Slowly they came up, climbing the companion ladder, tired,
swaying, powerful figures. "Am I the helmsman?" I asked. They nodded,
but they had eyes only for the stranger, stood around him in a semicircle, and
when, in a commanding voice, he said: "Don't disturb me!" they
gathered together, nodded at me, and withdrew down the companion ladder. What
kind of people are these? Do they ever think, or do they only shuffle
pointlessly over the earth?
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Top
A certain
philosopher used to hang about wherever children were at play. And
whenever he saw a boy with a top, he would lie in wait. As soon as the top
began to spin the philosopher went in pursuit and tried to catch it. He was not
perturbed when the children noisily protested and tried to keep him away from
their toy; so long as he could catch the top while it was still spinning, he
was happy, but only for a moment; then he threw it to the ground and walked
away. For he believed that the understanding of any detail, that of a spinning
top, for instance, was sufficient for the understanding of all things. For this
reason he did not busy himself with great problems, it seemed to him
uneconomical. Once the smallest detail was understood, then everything was
understood, which was why he busied himself only with the spinning top. And
whenever preparations were being made for the spinning of the top, he hoped
that this time it would succeed: as soon as the top began to spin and he was
running breathlessly after it, the hope would turn to certainty, but when he
held the silly piece of wood in his hand, he felt nauseated. The screaming of
the children, which hitherto he had not heard and which now suddenly pierced
his ears, chased him away, and he tottered like a top under a clumsy whip.
Translated by Tania and ]ames Stern
A
Little Fable
"Alas,"
said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I
was glad when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these
long walls have narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and
there in the corner stands the trap that I must run into." "You only
need to change your direction," said the cat, and ate it up.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Home-Coming
I have
returned, I have passed under the arch and am looking around. It's my
father's old yard. The puddle in the middle. Old, useless tools, jumbled
together, block the way to the attic stairs. The cat lurks on the banister. A
torn piece of cloth, once wound around a stick in a game, flutters in the
breeze. I have arrived. Who is going to receive me? Who is waiting behind the
kitchen door? Smoke is rising from the chimney, coffee is being made for
supper. Do you feel you belong, do you feel at home? I don't know, I feel most
uncertain. My father's house it is, but each object stands cold beside the
next, as though preoccupied with its own affairs, which I have partly
forgotten, partly never known. What use can I be to them, what do I mean to
them, even though I am the son of my father, the old farmer? And I don't dare
knock at the kitchen door, I only listen from a distance, I only listen from a
distance, standing up, in such a way that I cannot be taken by surprise as an eavesdropper.
And since I am listening from a distance, I hear nothing but a faint striking
of the clock passing over from childhood days, but perhaps I only think I hear
it. Whatever else is going on in the kitchen is the secret of those sitting
there, a secret they are keeping from me. The longer one hesitates before the
door, the more estranged one becomes. What would happen if someone were to open
the door now and ask me a question? Would not I myself then behave like one who
wants to keep his secret?
Translated by Tania and James Stern
First
Sorrow
A trapeze
artist -- this art, practiced high in the vaulted domes of the great
variety theaters, is admittedly one of the most difficult humanity can achieve
-- had so arranged his life that, as long as he kept working in the same
building, he never came down from his trapeze by night or day, at first only
from a desire to perfect his skill, but later because custom was too strong for
him. All his needs, very modest needs at that, were supplied by relays of
attendants who watched from below and sent up and hauled down again in
specially constructed containers whatever he required. This way of living
caused no particular inconvenience to the theatrical people, except that, when
other turns were on the stage, his being still up aloft, which could not be
dissembled, proved somewhat distracting, as also the fact that, although at
such times he mostly kept very still, he drew a stray glance here and there
from the public. Yet the management overlooked this, because he was an
extraordinary and unique artist. And of course they recognized that this mode
of life was no mere prank, and that only in this way could he really keep
himself in constant practice and his art at the pitch of its perfection.
Besides, it was quite healthful up
there, and when in the warmer seasons of the year the side windows all around
the dome of the theater were thrown open and sun and fresh air came pouring
irresistibly into the dusky vault, it was even beautiful. True, his social life
was somewhat limited, only sometimes a fellow acrobat swarmed up the ladder to
him, and then they both sat on the trapeze, leaning left and right against the
supporting ropes, and chatted, or builders' workmen repairing the roof
exchanged a few words with him through an open window, or the fireman,
inspecting the emergency lighting in the top gallery, called over to him
something that sounded respectful but could hardly be made out. Otherwise
nothing disturbed his seclusion; occasionally, perhaps, some theater hand
straying through the empty theater of an afternoon gazed thoughtfully up into
the great height of the roof, almost beyond eyeshot, where the trapeze artist,
unaware that he was being observed, practiced his art or rested.
The trapeze artist could have gone
on living peacefully like that, had it not been for the inevitable journeys
from place to place, which he found extremely trying. Of course his manager saw
to it that his sufferings were not prolonged one moment more than necessary;
for town travel, racing automobiles were used, which whirled him, by night if
possible or in the earliest hours of the morning, through the empty streets at
breakneck speed, too slow all the same for the trapeze artist's impatience; for
railway journeys, a whole compartment was reserved, in which the trapeze
artist, as a possible though wretched alternative to his usual way of living,
could pass the time up on the luggage rack; in the next town on their circuit,
long before he arrived, the trapeze was already slung up in the theater and all
the doors leading to the stage were flung wide open, all corridors kept free --
yet the manager never knew a happy moment until the trapeze artist set his foot
on the rope ladder and in a twinkling, at long last, hung aloft on his trapeze.
Despite so many journeys having been
successfully arranged by the manager, each new one embarrassed him again, for
the journeys, apart from everything else, got on the nerves of the artist a
great deal.
Once when they were again traveling
together, the trapeze artist lying on the luggage rack dreaming, the manager
leaning back in the opposite window seat reading a book, the trapeze artist
addressed his companion in a low voice. The manager was immediately all
attention. The trapeze artist, biting his lips, said that he must always in
future have two trapezes for his performance instead of only one, two trapezes
opposite each other. The manager at once agreed. But the trapeze artist, as if
to show that the manager's consent counted for as little as his refusal, said
that never again would he perform on only one trapeze, in no circumstances
whatever. The very idea that it might happen at all seemed to make him shudder.
The manager, watchfully feeling his way, once more emphasized his entire
agreement, two trapezes were better than one, besides it would be an advantage
to have a second bar, more variety could be introduced into the performance. At
that the trapeze artist suddenly burst into tears. Deeply distressed, the
manager sprang to his feet and asked what was the matter, then getting no
answer climbed up on the seat and caressed him, cheek to cheek, so that his own
face was bedabbled by the trapeze artist's tears. Yet it took much questioning
and soothing endearment until the trapeze artist sobbed: "Only the one bar
in my hands -- how can I go on living!" That made it somewhat easier for
the manager to comfort him; he promised to wire from the very next station for
a second trapeze to be installed in the first town on their circuit; reproached
himself for having let the artist work so long on only one trapeze; and thanked
and praised him warmly for having at last brought the mistake to his notice.
And so he succeeded in reassuring the trapeze artist, little by little, and was
able to go back to his corner. But he himself was far from reassured, with deep
uneasiness he kept glancing secretly at the trapeze artist over the top of his
book. Once such ideas began to torment him, would they ever quite leave him
alone? Would they not rather increase in urgency? Would they not threaten his
very existence? And indeed the manager believed he could see, during the
apparently peaceful sleep which had succeeded the fit of tears, the first
furrows of care engraving themselves upon the trapeze artist's smooth, childlike
forehead.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
The
Departure
I ordered
my horse to be brought from the stables. The servant did not understand
my orders. So I went to the stables myself, saddled my horse, and mounted. In
the distance I heard the sound of a trumpet, and I asked the servant what it
meant. He knew nothing and had heard nothing. At the gate he stopped me and
asked: "Where is the master going?" "I don't know," I said,
"just out of here, just out of here. Out of here, nothing else, it's the
only way I can reach my goal." "So you know your goal?" he
asked. "Yes," I replied, "I've just told you. Out of here --
that's my goal."
Translated by Tania and James Stern
Advocates
I was
not at all certain whether I had any advocates, I could not find out
anything definite about it, every face was unfriendly, most people who came
toward me and whom I kept meeting in the corridors looked like fat old women;
they had huge blue-and-white striped aprons covering their entire bodies, kept
stroking their stomachs and swaying awkwardly to and fro. I could not even find
out whether we were in a law court. Some facts spoke for it, others against.
What reminded me of a law court more than all the details was a droning noise
which could be heard incessantly in the distance; one could not tell from which
direction it came, it filled every room to such an extent that one had to
assume it came from everywhere, or, what seemed more likely, that just the
place where one happened to be standing was the very place where the droning
originated, but this was probably an illusion, for it came from a distance.
These corridors, narrow and austerely vaulted, turning in gradual curves with
high, sparsely decorated doors, seemed to have been created specially for
profound silence; they were the corridors of a museum or a library. Yet if it
were not a law court, why was I searching for an advocate here? Because I was
searching for an advocate everywhere; he is needed everywhere, if anything less
in court than elsewhere, for a court, one assumes, passes judgment according to
the law. If one were to assume that this was being done unfairly or
frivolously, then life would not be possible; one must have confidence that the
court allows the majesty of the law its full scope, for this is its sole duty.
Within the law all is accusation, advocacy, and verdict; any interference by an
individual here would be a crime. It is different, however, in the case of the
verdict itself; this is based on inquiries being made here and there, from
relatives and strangers, from friends and enemies, in the family and public life,
in town and village -- in short, everywhere. Here it is most necessary to have
advocates, advocates galore, the best possible advocates, one next to the
other, a living wall, for advocates are by nature hard to set in motion; the
plaintiffs, however, those sly foxes, those slinking weasels, those little
mice, they slip through the tiniest gaps, scuttle through the legs of the
advocates. So look out! That's why I am here, I'm collecting advocates. But I
have not found any as yet, only those old women keep on coming and going; if I
were not on my search it would put me to sleep. I'm not in the right place --
alas, I cannot rid myself of the feeling that I'm not in the right place. I
ought to be in a place where all kinds of people meet, from various parts of
the country, from every class, every profession, of all ages; I ought to have
an opportunity of choosing carefully out of a crowd those who are kind, those
who are able, and those who have an eye for me. Perhaps the most suitable place
for this would be a huge fairground; instead of which I am hanging about in
these corridors where only these old women are to be seen, and not even many of
them, and always the same ones, and even those few will not let themselves be
cornered, despite their slowness; they slip away from me, float about like rain
clouds, and are completely absorbed by unknown activities. Why is it then that
I run headlong into a house without reading the sign over the door, promptly
find myself in these corridors, and settle here with such obstinacy that I
cannot even remember ever having been in front of the house, ever having run up
the stairs! But back I cannot go, this waste of time, this admission of having
been on the wrong track would be unbearable for me. What? Run downstairs in
this brief, hurried life accompanied as it is by that impatient droning?
Impossible. The time allotted to you is so short that if you lose one second
you have already lost your whole life, for it is no longer, it is always just
as long as the time you lose. So if you have started out on a walk, continue it
whatever happens; you can only gain, you run no risk, in the end you may fall
over a precipice perhaps, but had you turned back after the first steps and run
downstairs you would have fallen at once -- and not perhaps, but for certain.
So if you find nothing in the corridors open the doors, if you find nothing
behind these doors there are more floors, and if you find nothing up there,
don't worry, just leap up another flight of stairs. As long as you don't stop climbing,
the stairs won't end, under your climbing feet they will go on growing upwards.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
The
Married Couple
Business
in general is so bad that sometimes, when my work in the office leaves
me a little time, I myself pick up the case of samples and call on my customers
personally. Long since I had intended to visit sometime, among others, N., with
whom once I had constant business relations, which, however, during the last
year have almost completely lapsed for some reason unknown to me. Besides,
there need not always be real reasons for such disruptions; in the present
unstable state of affairs often a mere nothing, a mood, will turn the scale,
and in the same way a mere nothing, a word, can put things right again. To gain
admittance to N., however, is a somewhat ticklish business; he is an old man,
grown somewhat infirm too of late, and though he still insists on attending to
business matters himself, he is hardly ever to be seen in his office; if you
want to speak to him you have to go to his house, and one likes to put off a
business call of that kind.
Last evening after six I
nevertheless set out for his house; it was really no time for paying calls, but
my visit after all was a business, not a social, one, and might be regarded
accordingly. I was in luck. N. was in; he had just come back with his wife from
a walk, the servant told me, and was now in the bedroom of his son, who was
unwell and confined to his bed. I was requested to go there; at first I
hesitated, but then the desire to get my disagreeable visit over as quickly as
possible turned the scale, and I allowed myself to be conducted as I was, in my
overcoat and hat, with my case of samples, through a dark room into a faintly
lit one, where a small company was gathered.
My first glance fell, probably by
instinct, on an agent only too well known to me, a trade rival of myself in
some respects. So he had stolen a march on me, it seemed. He was sitting
comfortably by the bed of the sick man, just as if he were a doctor; he sat
there brazenly in his beautiful ample overcoat, which was unbuttoned; the sick
man too probably had his own thoughts as he lay there with his cheeks faintly
flushed with fever, now and then glancing at his visitor. He was no longer
young either, N.'s son, a man of about my own age with a short beard, somewhat
unkempt on account of his illness. Old N., a tall, broad-shouldered man, but to
my astonishment grown very thin because of some creeping malady, bent and
infirm, was still wearing the fur coat in which he had entered, and mumbling
something to his son. His wife, small and frail, but immensely vivacious, yet
only when she spoke to him -- us others she scarcely noticed -- was occupied in
helping him to take off his overcoat, which, considering the great difference
in their height, was a matter of some difficulty, but at last was achieved.
Perhaps, indeed, the real difficulty was caused by N.'s impatience, for with
restless hands he kept on feeling for the easy chair, which his wife, after the
overcoat was off, quickly pushed forward for him. She herself then took up the
fur coat, beneath which she almost vanished, and carried it out.
Now at last, it seemed to me, my
moment had come, or rather it had not come and probably would never come; yet
if I was to attempt anything it must be done at once, for I felt that here the
conditions for a business interview could only become increasingly unfavorable;
and to plant myself down here for all time, as the agent apparently intended,
was not my way: besides, I did not want to take the slightest notice of him. So
I began without ceremony to state my business, although I saw that N. would
have liked at that moment to have a chat with his son. Unfortunately I have a
habit when I have worked myself up -- and that takes a very short time, and on
this occasion took a shorter time than usual -- of getting up and walking about
while I am talking. Though a very good arrangement in one's own office, in a
strange house it may be somewhat burdensome. But I could not restrain myself,
particularly as I was feeling the lack of my usual cigarette. Well, every man
has his bad habits, yet I can congratulate myself on mine when I think of the
agent's. For what is to be said of his behavior, of the fact, for instance,
that every now and then he would suddenly and quite unexpectedly clap his hat
on his head; he had been holding it on his knee until then, slowly pushing it
up and down there. True, he took it off again immediately, as if he had made a
blunder, but he had had it on his head nevertheless for a second or two, and
besides he repeated this performance again and again every few minutes. Surely
such conduct must be called unpardonable. It did not disturb me, however, I
walked up and down, completely absorbed in my own proposals, and ignored him;
but there are people whom that trick with the hat might have put off
completely. However, when I am thoroughly worked up I disregard not only such
annoyances as these, but everything. I see, it is true, all that is going on,
but do not admit it, so to speak, to my consciousness until I am finished, or
until some objection is raised. Thus I noticed quite well, for instance, that
N. was by no means in a receptive state; holding on to the arms of his chair,
he twisted about uncomfortably, never even glanced up at me, but gazed blankly,
as if searching for something, into vacancy, and his face was so impassive that
one might have thought no syllable of what I was saying, indeed no awareness of
my presence, had penetrated to him. Yes, his whole bearing, the bearing of a
sick man, in itself inauspicious for me, I took in quite well; nevertheless I
talked on as if I had still some prospect of putting everything right again by
my talk, by the advantageous offers I made -- I was myself alarmed by the
concessions I granted, concessions that had not even been asked for. It gave me
a certain satisfaction also to notice that the agent, as I verified by a
fleeting glance, had at last left his hat in peace and folded his arms across
his chest; my performance, which was partly, I must confess, intended for him,
seemed to have given a severe blow to his designs. And in the elation produced
by this result I might perhaps have gone on talking for a long time still, if
the son, whom until now I had regarded as a secondary factor in my plans, had
not suddenly raised himself in his bed and pulled me up by shaking his fist.
Obviously he wanted to say something, to point out something, but he had not
strength enough. At first I thought that his mind was wandering, but when I
involuntarily glanced at old N. I understood better.
N. sat with wide-open, glassy,
bulging eyes, which seemed on the point of failing; he was trembling and his
body was bent forward as if someone were holding him down or striking him on
the shoulders; his lower lip, indeed the lower jaw itself with the exposed
gums, hung down helplessly; his whole face seemed out of joint; he still breathed,
though with difficulty; but then, as if released, he fell back against the back
of his chair, closed his eyes, the mark of some great strain passed over his
face and vanished, and all was over. I sprang to him and seized his lifeless
hand, which was so cold that it sent a chill through me; no pulse beat there
now. So it was all over. Still, he was a very old man. We would be fortunate if
we all had such an easy death. But how much there was to be done! And what
should one do first? I looked around for help; but the son had drawn the
bedclothes over his head, and I could hear his wild sobbing; the agent, cold as
a fish, sat immovably on his chair, two steps from N., and was obviously
resolved to do nothing, to wait for what time would bring; so I, only I was
left to do something, and the hardest thing that anyone could be asked to do,
that was to tell the news to his wife in some bearable form, in a form that did
not exist, in other words. And already I could hear her eager shuffling steps
in the next room.
Still wearing her outdoor clothes --
she had not found time to change -- she brought in a nightshirt that she had
warmed before the fire for her husband to put on. "He's fallen
asleep," she said, smiling and shaking her head, when she found us sitting
so still. And with the infinite trustfulness of the innocent she took up the
same hand that I had held a moment before with such fear and repugnance, kissed
it playfully, and -- how could we three others have borne the sight? -- N.
moved, yawned loudly, allowed his nightshirt to be put on, endured with a
mixture of annoyance and irony his wife's tender reproaches for having
overstrained himself by taking such a long walk, and strangely enough said in
reply, to provide no doubt a different explanation for his having fallen
asleep, something about feeling bored. Then, so as not to catch cold by going
through the draughty passage into a different room, he lay down for the time
being in his son's bed; his head was bedded down beside his son's feet on two
cushions hastily brought by his wife. After all that had gone before I found
nothing particularly odd in that. Then he asked for the evening paper, opened
it without paying any attention to his guests, but did not read it, only
glancing through it here and there, and made several very unpleasant
observations on our offers, observations which showed astonishing shrewdness,
while he waved his free hand disdainfully, and by clicking his tongue indicated
that our business methods had left a bad taste in his mouth. The agent could
not refrain from making one or two untimely remarks, no doubt he felt in his
insensitive way that some compensation was due to him after what had happened,
but his way of. securing it was the worst he could have chosen. I said goodbye
as soon as I could, I felt almost grateful to the agent; if he had not been
there I would not have had the resolution to leave so soon.
In the lobby I met Frau N. again. At
the sight of that pathetic figure I said impulsively that she reminded me a
little of my mother. And as she remained silent I added: "Whatever people
say, she could do wonders. Things that we destroyed she could make whole again.
I lost her when I was still a child." I had spoken with deliberate
slowness and distinctness, for I assumed the old lady was hard of hearing. But
she must have been quite deaf, for she asked without transition: "And how
does my husband look to you?" From a few parting words I noticed,
moreover, that she confused me with the agent; I like to think that otherwise
she would have been more forthcoming.
Then I descended the stairs: The
descent was more tiring than the ascent had been, and not even that had been
easy. Oh, how many business calls come to nothing, and yet one must keep going.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
Give
it Up!
It
was very early in the morning, the streets clean and deserted, I was on
my way to the station. As I compared the tower clock with my watch I realized
it was much later than I had thought and that I had to hurry; the shock of this
discovery made me feel uncertain of the way, I wasn't very well acquainted with
the town as yet; fortunately, there was a policeman at hand, I ran to him and
breathlessly asked him the way. He smiled and said: "You asking me the
way?" "Yes," I said, "since I can't find it myself."
"Give it up! Give it up!" said he, and turned with a sudden jerk,
like someone who wants to be alone with his laughter.
Translated by Tania and James Stern
On
Parables
Many
complain that the words of the wise are always merely parables and of no
use in daily life, which is the only life we have. When the sage says: "Go
over," he does not mean that we should cross to some actual place, which
we could do anyhow if the labor were worth it; he means some fabulous yonder,
something unknown to us, something that he cannot designate more precisely
either, and therefore cannot help us here in the very least. All these parables
really set out to say merely that the incomprehensible is incomprehensible, and
we know that already. But the cares we have to struggle with every day: that is
a different matter.
Concerning this a man once said: Why
such reluctance? If you only followed the parables you yourselves would become
parables and with that rid of all your daily cares.
Another said: I bet that is also a
parable.
The first said: You have won.
The second said: But unfortunately
only in parable.
The first said: No, in reality: in
parable you have lost.
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
POSTSCRIPT
Albert Camus once said that
"the whole of Kafka's art consists in compelling the reader to re-read
him." Since the interpretations of Kafka are many and the search for the
meaning of his stories seemingly endless, the reader will return to the story
itself in the hope of finding guidance from within. Thus a second reading will
-- hopefully -- become a commentary on the first, and subsequent readings will
-- again hopefully -- shed light on the preceding ones. It is the purpose of
this volume to provide ready access to the entire corpus of Kafka's stories;
they, rather than the novels, constitute the very core of his brief life's
work.
The longer stories which form the
bulk of the volume are followed by a collection of shorter stories and
sketches. All stories published by Kafka during his lifetime and the material
from the literary estate that Max Brod selected for publication after Kafka's
death are included. Within the two parts (the longer and the shorter stories) a
chronological order has been attempted. The notes by Max Brod and, later, the
efforts of Klaus Wagenbach, Malcolm Pasley, and Ludwig Dietz to establish a
literary chronology have been consulted and have offered welcome aid. Some
dates remain approximations only.
Kafka chose the titles of the
stories in the case of material published by himself. All other tales were
given their titles by Max Brod, except for "Description of a
Struggle," "The Village Schoolmaster," "The Bucket
Rider," "The Great Wall of China," "A Crossbreed," and
"The Problem of Our Laws," which come from Kafka's hand.
"The Stoker," though
published by Kafka as a separate story, is not included; it has its rightful
place as the first chapter of the novel Amerika. Two brief dialogues,
"Conversation with the Supplicant" and "Conversation with the
Drunk," also published by Kafka, have been omitted; they reappear in their
proper context in "Description of a Struggle." However, "The
Trees," "Clothes," and "Excursion into the Mountains"
-- also from "Description of a Struggle" -- were retained. And,
because of their special significance, two pieces, parts of other works by
Kafka, are reproduced here as "introductory parables": "Before
the Law," which reappears in the novel The Trial; and "An
Imperial Message," whose place is in "The Great Wall of China."
The fragments of "The Hunter Gracchus", "The Great Wall of
China," and "A Report to an Academy" are placed after the
stories that bear these titles. "The Warden of the Tomb," Kafka's
only piece in dramatic form, was given hospitality in this volume of stories.
In 1934, a decade after Franz
Kafka's death, Schocken Verlag, Berlin, acquired the world rights to his works
in an agreement made with Kafka's mother and with Max Brod, whom the author had
appointed his literary executor. Between 1935 and 1937, Schocken Verlag
published the first German edition of Kafka's collected writings. In 1946,
Schocken Books Inc., New York, reissued this German-language edition, and has
since published English-language translations of most of the works (see
Bibliography). In 1950, Schocken granted a license to S. Fischer Verlag,
Frankfurt am Main, for German publication of Kafka's oeuvre. Kafka's writings
have been translated and published in many countries, east and west. British
editions are published by Martin Seeker & Warburg Ltd., London.
A critical edition of Kafka's
complete works is being planned. This edition will make use of the original
manuscripts deposited in the Bodleian Library, Oxford, and of other
collections.
Nahum N. Glatzer
June 1971
BIBLIOGRAPHY
I. KAFKA'S STORIES
AND COLLECTIONS OF STORIES PUBLISHED DURING HIS LIFETIME
(For details, see the notes to the
individual stories.)
Betrachtung. Leipzig: Rowohlc
Verlag, 1913.
Das Urteil. Eine Geschichte. Leipzig:
Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1913.
Der Heizer. Ein Fragment, Leipzig:
Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1913.
Die Verwandlimg. Leipzig:
Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1915; 2d ed., 1918.
In der Strafkolonie. Leipzig:
Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1919.
Ein Landarzt. Kleine Erzählungen. Munich and Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1919.
Ein Hungerkünstler. Vier Geschichten. Berlin: Verlag Die
Schmiede, 1924.
II. KAFKA'S WORKS
PUBLISHED AFTER HIS DEATH
Der Prozess. Berlin: Verlag
Die Schmiede, 1925.
Das Schloss. Munich: Kurt
Wolff Verlag, 1926.
Amerika. Munich: Kurt Wolff
Verlag, 1927.
Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer.
Ungedruckte Erzählungen
und Prosa aus dem Nachlass. Hsg. von Max Brod und Hans Joachim Schoeps [edited by Max
Brod and Hans Joachim Schoeps]. Berlin: Gustav Kiepenheuer Verlag, 1931.
Vor dem Gesetz. Von Heinz
Politzer aus den Schriften Kafkas zusammengestellt [collected by Heinz Politzer
from Kafka's writings]. Berlin: Schocken Verlag, 1934 (Bücherei des Schocken
Verlags, No. 19).
III. COLLECTED
WORKS IN GERMAN
Gesanrmelte Schriften. Hsg. von
Max Brod (in Gemeinschaft mit Heinz Politzer)
[Collected Writings, edited by Max Brod in cooperation with Heinz
Politzer].
Schocken A.
i. Erzählungen und kleine Prosa. Berlin: Schocken Verlag, 1935.
ii. Amerika. Berlin:
Schocken Verlag, 1935.
iii. Der Prozess. Berlin:
Schocken Verlag, 1935.
iv. Das Schloss. Berlin:
Schocken Verlag, 1935.
v.
Beschreibung eines Kampfes. Novellen, Skizzen, Aphorismen aus dem Nachlass.
Prague: Verlag Heinrich Mercy Sohn, 1936. [Verlag Heinrich Mercy Sohn acted
as agent for Schocken Verlag.]
vi. Tagebücher und Briefe. Prague: Verlag Heinrich Mercy Sohn, 1937.
Gesanrmelte Schriften. Hsg. von
Max Brod [Collected Writings, edited by Max Brod].
Schocken B.
i. Erzählungen und kleine Prosa. Zweite Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books, 1946.
ii. Amerika. Dritte
Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books, 1946.
iii. Der Prozess. Dritte Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books, 1946.
iv. Das Schloss. Dritte
Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books, 1946.
v. Beschreibung ernes
Kampfes. Novellen, Skizzen, Aphorismen aus dem Nachlass. Zweite Ausgabe.
New York: Schocken Books, 1946.
Gesanrmelte Werke. Hsg. von Max Brod
[Collected Works, edited by Max
Brod].
Schocken C.
[1] Der Prozess. Vierte
Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books [1950]; Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer
Lizenzausgabe, 1950.
[2] Das Schloss. Vierte
Ausgabe. New York: Schocken Books [1951]; Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer
Lizenzausgabe, 1951.
[3] Tagebücher 1910-1923. New York: Schocken Books [1951]; Frankfurt a.
M.: S. Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1951.
[4] Briefe an Milena.
Hsg. und mit einem Nachwort versehen von Willy Haas [edited, with an
epilogue, by Willy Haas]. New York: Schocken Books, 1952; Frankfurt a. M.: S.
Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1952.
[5] Erzählungen. Dritte Ausgabe. [Identical with Erzählungen und kleine Prosa.] New York: Schocken Books [1952];
Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1952. [Quoted as Erzählungen.]
[6] Amerika. Frankfurt
a. M.: S. Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1953.
[7]
Hochzeitsvorbereitungen auf dem Lande und andere Prosa aus dem Nachlass. New
York: Schocken Books, 1953; Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1953.
[English title, see Schocken D7.]
[8] Beschreibung
ernes Kampfes. Novellen, Skizzen, Aphorismen aus dem Nachlass. Frankfurt a.
M.: S. Fischer Lizenzausgabe, 1953. (A text-critical edition of the title story
appeared as Beschreibung eines Kampfes: Die zwei Fassungen. Hsg. und mit
einem Nachwort versehen von Max Brod. Textedition von Ludwig Dietz. [The Two
Versions. Edited and with an epilogue by Max Brod. Text-critical edition by
Ludwig Dietz.] Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer Verlag, 1969.)
[9] Briefe 1992-1924.
Hsg. von Max Brod [edited by Max Brod]. Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer
Lizenzausgabe, 1958.
[10] Briefe an Felice
und andere Korrespondenz aus der Verlobungszeit. Hsg. von Erich Heller und
Jürgen Born, mit einer Einleitung von Erich Heller [edited by Erich Heller and
Jürgen Born, with an introduction by Erich Heller]. Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer
Lizenzausgabe, 1967.
IV. SCHOCKEN
EDITIONS OF KAFKA'S WORKS IN ENGLISH
Schocken D.
[1] The Great Wall of China.
Stories and Reflections. Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir. Exegetical
Notes by Philip Rahv. New York, 1946; new edition, 1970. [Quoted as Great
Wall of China.] The present version follows the Schocken edition of
1970.
[2] Amerika. Translated by
Willa and Edwin Muir. Preface by Klaus Mann. Afterword by Max Brod. Copyright
1946, by New Directions. Published by Schocken in 1962 in association with New
Directions.
[3] The Penal Colony. Stories and
Short Pieces. Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir. New York, 1948. [Quoted
as Penal Colony.]
[4] Diaries, 1910-1923. Edited
by Max Brod. Translated by Joseph Kresh. New York, 1948. [Quoted as Diaries,
followed by the date of entry.]
[5] Diaries, 1914-1923. Edited
by Max Brod. Translated by Martin Greenberg, with the cooperation of Hannah
Arendt. New York, 1949. [Quoted as Diaries, followed by the date of
entry.]
[6] Letters to Milena. Edited
by Willy Haas. Translated by Tania and James Stern. New York, 1953.
[7] Dearest Father. Stories and
Other Writings. Translated by Ernst Kaiser and Eithne Wilkins. Notes by Max
Brod. New York, 1954.
[8] Description of a Struggle. Translated
by Tania and James Stern. New York, 1958.
[9] Parables and
Paradoxes/Parabeln und Paradoxe. Bilingual edition. Edited by Nahum N.
Glatzer. Second, expanded, ed., New York, 1961.
[10] Letter to His Father/Brief
an den Vater. Bilingual edition. Translated by Ernst Kaiser and Eithne
Wilkins. New York, 1966.
[11] The Metamorphosis/Die Verwandlung.
Bilingual edition. Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir. New York,
1968.
[12] The Trial. Translated by
Willa and Edwin Muir. Revised, and with additional material translated by E. M.
Butler. With excerpts from Kafka's Diaries. Drawings by Franz Kafka. New
York, 1968.
V. OTHER EDITIONS
OF KAFKA'S WORKS IN ENGLISH
The Trial. Translated by
Willa and Edwin Muir. London: Victor Gollancz Ltd., 1935; London: Martin Seeker
& Warburg Ltd., 1945, 1956 (the latter edition revised, with additional
material translated by E. M. Butler). New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1937;
definitive edition, 1957.
The Castle. Translated by
Willa and Edwin Muir. London: Martin Seeker & Warburg Ltd., 1930, 1953 (the
latter edition with additional material translated by Eithne Wilkins and Ernst
Kaiser). New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1930; new edition, with an introduction by
Thomas Mann, 1941; definitive edition, 1954.
Amerika. Translated by Willa
and Edwin Muir. Preface by Klaus Mann. Afterword by Max Brod. London: Routledge
& Kegan Paul Ltd., 1938; London: Martin Seeker & Warburg Ltd.; Norfolk,
Conn.: New Directions, 1946.
VI. SUPPLEMENT
Benson, Ann. "Franz Kafka: An
American Bibliography," Bulletin of Bibliography, XXII, No. 5
(1958).
Brod, Max. Franz Kafka: A
Biography. Second, enlarged edition (including an additional chapter,
"New Aspects of Kafka"). Translated from the German by G. Humphreys
Roberts and Richard Winston. New York: Schocken Books, 1960. [Quoted as Max
Brod, Franz Kafka.]
Flores, Angel, and Swander, Homer,
eds. Franz Kafka Today. Madison: University of Wisconsin Press, 1958.
Hemmerle, Rudolf. Franz Kafka --
eine Bibliographie. Munich: Verlag Robert Lerche, 1958.
Janouch, Gustav. Conversations
with Kafka: Notes and Reminiscences. With an introduction by Max Brod.
Translated by Goronwy Rees. New York: Frederick A. Praeger, 1953. [Quoted as Conversations
with Kafka.]
Järv, Harry. Die Kafka-Literatur: Eine Bibliographie. Malmö and Lund: Bo Cavefors Verlag, 1961. [An extensive listing
of the writings on Kafka.]
Jonas, Klaus W. "Franz Kafka:
An American Bibliography," Bulletin of Bibliography, XX, No. 9
(1952), and XX, No. 10 (1953).
EDITORS
AND TRANSLATORS
(* used in the present volume)
Arendt, Hannah: co-tr., Diaries,
1914-1923. New York, 1949 (Schocken D5).
Born, Jurgen: co-ed., Briefe an
Felice. Frankfurt a. M., 1967 (Schocken C10).
* Brod, Max: ed., Gesammelte
Schriften, vols. I-VI. Berlin (Prague), 1935-1937 (Schocken A).
* -----: ed., Gesammelte
Schriften, vols. I-V. New York, 1946 (Schocken B).
* -----: ed., Gesammelte Werke, 10
vols. New York and Frankfurt a. M., 1950-1967 (Schocken C).
-----: ed., Tagebücher 1910-1923.
Prague, 1937; New York, 1951 (Schocken C3).
Glatzer, Nahum N.: ed., Parables
and Paradoxes, 2d ed. New York, 1958.
Greenberg, Martin: tr., Diaries,
1914-1923. New York, 1949 (Schocken D5).
Haas, Willy: ed., Briefe an
Milena. New York and Frankfurt a. M., 1952 (Schocken C4).
-----: ed., Letters to Milena. New
York, 1953 (Schocken D6).
Heller, Erich: ed., Briefe an
Felice. Frankfurt a. M., 1967 (Schocken C10).
* Kaiser, Ernst, and Wilkins,
Eithne: tr., Dearest Father. New York, 1954 (Schocken D7).
Kresh, Joseph: tr., Diaries,
1910-1913. New York, 1948 (Schocken D4).
Muir, Willa and Edwin: tr., The
Castle. London, 1930; New York, 1930, 1941, 1954.
-----: tr., The Trial. London,
1935; New York, 1937, 1957, 1968.
-----: tr., The Trial. New
York, 1968 (Schocken D12).
-----: tr., Amerika. London,
1938; Norfolk, Conn., 1946; New York, 1962.
-----: tr., Amerika. New
York, 1946, 1962 (Schocken D2).
* -----: tr., The Great Wall of
China. New York, 1946, 1970 (Schocken D1).
* -----: tr., The Penal Colony. New
York, 1948 (Schocken D3).
Politzer, Heinz: ed., Vor dem
Gesetz. Berlin, 1934 (Schocken Bücherei).
-----: co-ed., Gesammelte
Schriften, vols. I-IV (Schocken A).
Schoeps, Hans Joachim: co-ed., Beim
Bau der Chinesischen Mauer. Berlin, 1931.
Stern, Tania and James: tr., Letters
to Milena. New York, 1953 (Schocken D6).
* -----: tr., Description of a
Struggle. New York, 1958 (Schocken D8).
Wilkins, Eithne: see Kaiser, Ernst.
ON
THE MATERIAL
INCLUDED
IN THIS VOLUME
Two Introductory Parables
Before the Law
"Vor dem Gesetz," from the
ninth chapter of the novel Der Prozess (The Trial), written in the
winter of 1914, was first published in the almanac Vom jüngsten Tag, Leipzig:
Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1916. See the fragment "I ran past the first
watchman," in Dearest Father (Schocken D7), pp. 322 f. Included in
the collection of stories Ein Landarzt. Kleine Erzahlungen, Munich and
Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1919. Der Prozess was published by Verlag
Die Schmiede, Berlin, 1925 (Die Romane des XX. Jahrhunderts). Vor dem
Gesetz: Ausgewahlte Erzahlungen und Aphorismen, Berlin: Bücherei des
Schocken Verlags, No. 19, 1934. Erzahlungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp.
144 ff. Penal Colony (Schocken D3), pp. 148 ff.
Diaries, December 13, 1914:
"Contentment and a feeling of happiness as the 'Legend' ['Before the Law']
in particular inspires in me."
An Imperial
Message
"Eine kaiserliche
Botschaft," written in the spring of 1917 as part of the story "The
Great Wall of China" (Great Wall, Schocken D1, pp. 93 f.), was
published in the Prague Jewish weekly Selbstwehr (September 24, 1919)
and in Ein Landarzt (A Country Doctor). See Penal Colony (Schocken
D3), pp. 158 f.
The Longer Stories
Description of a
Struggle
The first draft of the unfinished
"Beschreibung eines Kampfes" was written in 1904-5. The story (in two
parallel versions) was for a long time considered lost until, in 1935, it
turned up in Max Brod's library. Brod edited it as the title story (pp. 9-66) of
vol. V of Kafka's Gesammelte Schriften (Schocken A, B, C8), which, in
addition, includes fourteen longer and shorter stories and the novelist's only
larger piece in dramatic form ("The Warden of the Tomb"). Description
of a Struggle (Schocken D8), pp. 9-96.
Kafka to Brod: "The thing that
pleases me most about the short story ['Description of a Struggle'] is that I
have got rid of it" (Briefe, March 18, 1910, p. 80). Kafka wanted
to destroy the manuscript but finally allowed Brod to keep it (Max Brod, Franz
Kafka, p. 61). Max Brod prepared a text-critical edition of the two
versions and added an epilogue: Franz Kafka, Beschreibung eines Kampfes: Die
zwei Fassungen. Herausgegeben und mit einem Nachwort versehen von Max Brod.
Text-edition von Ludwig Dietz. Frankfurt a. M.: S. Fischer Verlag, 1969.
In 1909, Kafka published in the
March-April issue of the bimonthly Hyperion (Munich), edited by Franz
Blei, two pieces taken from the manuscript of version A of Beschreibung
eines Kampfes: "Gespräch
mit dem Beter" ("Conversation with the Supplicant") and
"Gespräch mit dem Betrunkenen"
("Conversation with the Drunk"). The Hyperion version is
reprinted in Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 9-22. See also Beschreibung
eines Kampfes, pp. 37-47 and 52-56. Penal Colony (Schocken 03), pp.
9-17, includes "Conversation with the Supplicant." The two pieces are
not reproduced in the present volume.
Wedding
Preparations in the Country
"Hochzeitsvorbereitungen auf
dem Lande," "fragments of a novel" of which three transcripts
are extant, was written in 1907-8. The manuscript turned up in Max Brod's
library together with "Description of a Struggle" (q.v.). Brod
edited it as the title story (pp. 7-54) of a volume of posthumously published
Kafka material (Gesammelte Werke, Schocken C7), which includes the
"Letter to His Father," the eight octavo notebooks, and the
"fragments from notebooks." The piece originally appeared in Die
Neue Rundschau, Frankfurt a. M., 1951. English edition of the volume: Dearest
Father. Stories and Other Writings (Schocken D7).
The Judgment
"Das Urteil," written
during the night of September 22-23, 1912, was first published in the annual Arkadia,
edited by Max Brod (Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1913), dedicated "to
Miss Felice B.," in later editions "for F." English title also
"The Verdict." Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 51-66. Penal Colony (Schocken
03), pp. 49-63.
Diaries, September 23, 1912,
following the complete draft of "The Judgment": "This story,
'The Judgment,' I wrote at one sitting during the night of the 22nd-23rd, from
ten o'clock at night to six o'clock in the morning. I was hardly able to pull
my legs from under the desk, they had got so stiff from sitting. The fearful
strain and joy, how the story developed before me, as if I were advancing over
water. Several times during this night I heaved my own weight on my back. How
everything can be said, how for everything, for the strangest fancies, there
waits a great fire in which they perish and rise up again. . . Only in this
way can writing be done, only with such coherence, with such a complete
opening out of the body and the soul."
Diaries, February n, 1913:
"While I read the proofs of 'The Judgment,'. . . the story came out of me
like a real birth, covered with filth and slime, and only I have the hand that
can reach to the body itself and the strength of desire to do so." There
follow notes toward an interpretation of the story.
Max Brod, Franz Kafka, p.
141: "At [Oskar] Baum's he read 'The Verdict' to us and had tears in his
eyes. 'The indubitability [Zweifellosigkeit] of the story is confirmed.'
Those are strong words of self-conviction [Überzeugt-sein von sich selbst], rare enough in the case of Franz."
The Metamorphosis
"Die Verwandlung," written
in the second half of November and the first days of December 1912, was first
published in the monthly Die Weissen Blatter, October 1915; reprinted in
the series Der jüngste Tag, vols. XXII-XXIII (Leipzig: Kurt Wolff
Verlag, 1915). Erzählungen
(Schocken B1 and C5),
pp. 67-142. Penal Colony (Schocken 03), pp. 67-132.
Diaries, January 19, 1914:
"Great antipathy to 'Metamorphosis.' Unreadable ending. Imperfect almost
to its very marrow." Gustav Janouch suggested that Samsa, the hero of the
story, sounds like a cryptogram for Kafka. "Kafka interrupted me. 'It is
not a cryptogram. Samsa is not merely Kafka and nothing else [Samsa ist
nicht restlos Kafka]. The Metamorphosis is not a confession, although it is
-- in a certain sense -- an indiscretion'." (Conversations with Kafka, p.
35).
In the Penal
Colony
"In der Strafkolonie,"
written October 1914, was first published by Kurt Wolff Verlag as a Drugulin
Press edition, Leipzig, 1919. Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 179-213. Penal Colony (Schocken
D3), pp. 191-227.
Kafka to Janouch on this story:
"Personal proofs of my human weakness are printed. . . because my friends,
with Max Brod at their head, have conceived the idea of making literature out
of them, and because I have not the strength to destroy this evidence of
solitude." (Conversations with Kafka, p. 32).
The Village Schoolmaster [The Giant Mole]
The unfinished "Der
Dorfschullehrer" or "Der Riesenmaulwurf" (Kafka used both
titles), written in December 1914 and the beginning of 1915, appeared first in Beim
Bau der Chinesischen Mauer (Berlin, 1931), pp. 131-53. Great Wall of
China (Schocken D1), pp. 98-113.
Diaries, December 19, 1914:
"Yesterday wrote 'The Village Schoolmaster' almost without knowing it, but
was afraid to go on writing later than a quarter to two; the fear was well
founded, I slept hardly at all, merely suffered through perhaps three short
dreams. . . Then went home and calmly wrote for three hours." "The
one gravely incomplete story in the book [Great Wall of China] (E. Muir,
Introductory Note to the first English edition, p. xvii).
Blumfeld, an
Elderly Bachelor
The incomplete "Blumfeld, ein
alterer Junggeselle," written probably in the beginning of 1915, first
appeared in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken Bv), pp. 142-71. Description
of a Struggle (Schocken D8), pp. 97-145.
Diaries, February 9, 1915:
"Just now read the beginning. It is ugly and gives me a headache. In spite
of all its truth it is wicked, pedantic, mechanical, a fish barely breathing on
a sandbank." This entry, mentioning the "dog story," is
understood to refer to "Blumfeld."
The Warden of the
Tomb
"Der Gruftwächter," a piece in drama form,
written in the winter of 1916-17, was first published in Beschreibung eines
Kampfes (Schocken Bv), pp. 288-305. Description of a Struggle (Schocken
D8), pp. 147-78.
"Talking about a play he had
written -- probably 'The Warden of the Tomb' -- when we very much wanted to
hear it, he said: 'The only thing about the play that is not dilletantish, is
that I shall not read it to you" (Max Brod, Franz Kafka, p.
74, quoting Oskar Baum's "Memories of Franz Kafka," 1929).
A Country Doctor
"Ein Landarzt," written
not before the winter of 1916-17, was first published in the almanac Die
neue Dichtung (Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1918). Included in the
collection of stories Ein Landarzt. Kleine Erzählungen (Munich and Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag, 1919). Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 146-53. Penal
Colony (Schocken D3), pp. 136-43.
Kafka dedicated the collection to
his father. "Not as if I could appease the father; the roots of this
hostility are irradicable. . ." (to Max Brod, end of March 1918; Briefe,
p. 237). Max Brod, Franz Kafka, p. 31: "Franz often recounted
the reply with which his father received the book -- he certainly meant no harm
by it -- his father said nothing but, 'Put it on my bedside table.' "
The Hunter
Gracchus
"Der Jäger Gracchus," written in the first half of 1917, was
first published in Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer (pp. 43-50), and
reprinted in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken Bv), pp. 102-7, which
contains also a "Fragment zum 'Jäger
Gracchus' " (pp. 331-35). Great Wall of China (Schocken D1),
pp. 115-20. The "Fragment": in Description of a Struggle (Schocken
D8), pp. 234-41. See also the reference to the Hunter Gracchus motif in Diaries,
April 6, 1917.
The Great Wall of
China
"Beim Bau der Chinesischen
Mauer," written in the spring of 1917, was first published in the volume
bearing that title (pp. 9-28) and reprinted in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken
Bv), pp. 67-82. Great Wall of China (Schocken D1), pp. 83-97. The story
"though apparently a fragment, is so perfect in itself that it may be read
as a finished work" (E. Muir, Introductory Note to the first English
edition, p. xvii). The "Fragment" ("The News of the Building of
the Wall"): in Description of a Struggle (Schocken D8), pp. 226 ff.
A Report to an
Academy
"Ein Bericht für eine Akademie," written in
mid-1917, was first published in the monthly Der Jude, edited by Martin
Buber, vol. II (November 1917), pp. 559-65. Included in Ein Landarzt, 1919.
Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 184-96. Penal Colony (Schocken
D3), pp. 173-84. The "Fragment": in Description of a Struggle (Schocken
D8), pp. 219-25.
The Refusal
"Die Abweisung," written
in the fall of 1920, was first published in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken
Bv), pp. 83-89. Description of a Struggle (Schocken D8), pp. 179-91.
A Hunger Artist
"Ein Hungerkunstler,"
written in the spring of 1922, was first issued in Die Neue Rundschau, edited
by Rudolf Kayser, published by S. Fischer Verlag, October 1922. Included in the
collection Ein Hungerkünstler. Vier Geschichten, published by Verlag Die Schmiede, Berlin, 1924
(Die Romane des XX. Jahrhunderts). The volume comprises, besides the title
story, "First Sorrow," "A Little Woman," and
"Josephine the Singer, or the Mouse Folk." Kafka read the proofs of
the first signature; the book appeared after his death (Briefe, p. 519,
note 9). Erzählungen
(Schocken B1 and C5),
pp. 255-68. Penal Colony (Schocken D3), pp. 243-56.
Investigations of
a Dog
"Forschungen eines
Hundes," written probably in the spring of 1922, was first published in Beim
Bau der Chinesischen Mauer, pp. 154-211, and reprinted in Beschreibung
eines Kampfes (Schocken Bv), pp. 233-78. Great Wall of China (Schocken
D1), pp. 1-43. The story "is virtually complete" (E. Muir,
Introductory Note to the first English edition, p. xvii).
A Little Woman
"Eine kleine Frau,"
written toward the end of 1923, was included in Bin Hungerkünstler (q.v.),
Erzählungen (Schocken B1 and C5), pp. 244-54. Penal
Colony (Schocken D3), pp. 234-43.
At the end of September 1923, Kafka,
with his companion Dora Dymant, moved to Berlin-Steglitz. "There was
written the comparatively happy story, 'A Little Woman.' The 'little
woman-judge' who lives her life in constant anger with her own 'ego,' which is
really a stranger to her, is none other than their landlady." (Max Brod, Franz
Kafka, p. 197).
The Burrow
"Der Bau," written in the winter
of 1923-24, was first published in Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer, pp.
77-130, and reprinted in Beschreibung ernes Kampfes (Schocken Bv), pp.
172-214. The end of the story was lost. Great Wall of China (Schocken
D1), pp. 44-82. The story "is virtually finished" (E. Muir,
Introductory Note to the first English edition, p. xvii).
Josephine the
Singer, or the Mouse Folk
"Josephine, die Sängerin, oder Das Volk der Mäuse," written in the spring of 1924, is Kafka's last
finished work. It was first published in the Prager Presse, April 20,
1924 (Easter edition), and included in Bin Hungerkünstler (q.v.). Erzählungen (Schocken B1
and C5), pp. 268-91. Penal Colony (Schocken D3), pp. 256-77.
The Shorter Stories
The first eighteen stories (from
"Children on a Country Road" to "Resolutions") were written
between 1904 and 1912. In 1908, Kafka published eight pieces, selected from
this group, entitled "Betrachtung," in the bimonthly Hyperion, vol.
I, edited by Franz Blei and Carl Sternheim. It was Kafka's first publication.
In 1910, he selected five more pieces for publication in the Prague daily Bohemia
(March 27). "The Trees," "Clothes," and "Excursion
into the Mountains" are taken from "Description of a Struggle"
(Schocken D8), pp. 84, 89 f., and 36 f. "Children on a Country Road"
is taken from the same story, chap. II of version B, a section not included in
the version of "Description of a Struggle" reprinted in this volume.
The first version of "Bachelor's Ill Luck" appeared in Diaries, November
14, 1911. "The Sudden Walk": see the entry in the Diaries, January
5, 1912. "Resolutions": see the text in Diaries, February 5,
1912. The entire group appeared, in a sequence established by Kafka, under the
title Betrachtung (Leipzig: Rowohlt Verlag, 1913) -- Erzählungen (Schocken C5), pp. 23-50. Penal Colony
(Schocken D3), pp. 21-45 ("Meditation").
Kafka's own sequence in the
collection "Meditation" is as follows: "Children on a Country
Road"; "Unmasking a Confidence Trickster"; "The Sudden
Walk"; "Resolutions"; "Excursion into the Mountains";
"Bachelor's Ill Luck"; "The Tradesman"; "Absent-minded
Window-gazing"; "The Way Home"; "Passers-by"; "On
the Tram"; "Clothes"; "Rejection"; "Reflections
for Gentlemen-Jockeys"; "The Street Window"; "The Wish to
Be a Red Indian"; "The Trees"; "Unhappiness."
Diaries, August 15, 1912:
"Again read old diaries instead of keeping away from them. I live as
irrationally as is at all possible. And the publication of the thirty-one pages
is to blame for everything. Even more to blame, of course, is my weakness,
which permits a thing of this sort to influence me."
Diaries, August 11, 1912:
"Now, after the publication of the book, I will have to stay away from
magazines and reviews even more than before, if I do not wish to be content with
just sticking the tips of my fingers into the truth."
The next fifteen stories (from
"A Dream" to "The Cares of a Family Man") were written
between 1914 and 1917. Some were originally published in Das jüdische Prag, the periodicals Marsyas (Berlin) and Selbstwehr
(Prague). In 1919, Kurt Wolff Verlag (Munich and Leipzig) published a
collection of Kafka stories, Bin Landarzt. Kleine Erzahlungen, which
contains this group of stories (except "The Bridge," "The Bucket
Rider," "The Knock at the Manor Gate," "My Neighbor,"
and "A Crossbreed" ["A Sport"]). "Jackals and
Arabs" ("Schakale und Araber"), written early in 1917, was first
published in the monthly Der Jude, edited by Martin Buber, vol. II
(October 1917), pp. 488 ff., and in Neue deutsche Erzähler, edited by J. Sandmeier, vol. I (Berlin: Furche Verlag,
1918). The longer stories "A Country Doctor" (the title story) and
"A Report to an Academy" (included by Kafka in Bin Landarzt) are
reprinted in the first section of the present volume. Erzählungen (Schocken C5), pp. 133-77; Penal Colony (Schocken
D3), pp. 135-84, with the addition of "The Bucket Rider" (pp.
184-87), which Kafka intended for Ein Landarzt and later withdrew from
it.
Kafka's own sequence for the
collection "A Country Doctor" is as follows: "The New
Advocate"; "A Country Doctor"; "Up in the Gallery";
"An Old Manuscript"; "Before the Law"; "Jackals and
Arabs"; "A Visit to a Mine"; "The Next Village"; "An
Imperial Message"; "The Cares of a Family Man"; "Eleven
Sons"; "A Fratricide"; "A Dream"; "A Report to an
Academy"; "The Bucket Rider."
Kafka to Brod on "Eleven
Sons": "The eleven sons are quite simply eleven stories I am working
on this very moment" (Max Brod, Franz Kafka, p. 140).
"The Bridge," "The
Knock at the Manor Gate," "My Neighbor," and "A Crossbreed
["A Sport"] were first published in Beim Bau der Chinesischen
Mauer, then in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken Bv and C8). Great
Wall of China (Schocken D1).
Of the last group of twenty-two
stories, written between 1917 and 1923, only one, "First Sorrow," was
published by Kafka. "Erstes Leid," probably written between the fall
of 1921 and the spring of 1922, appeared in Kurt Wolff Verlag's art periodical Genius,
III, No. 2 (1921; actually, 1922). It is included in Bin Hungerkünstler.
Vier Geschichten (see note on "A Hunger Artist"). Erzählungen (Schocken C5), pp. 241-43. Penal Colony (Schocken
D3), pp. 231-34.
The next five stories ("A
Common Confusion" to "The City Coat of Arms") first appeared in Beim
Bau der Chinesischen Mauer; the following three ("Poseidon,"
"Fellowship," and "At Night") were first issued in Beschreibung
eines Kampfes (Schocken Av, Bv). The first publication of "The Problem
of Our Laws" was in Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer (pp. 29-32).
The following five stories (from "The Conscription of Troops" to
"The Top") appeared first in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken
Av, Bv). "A Little Fable" was first issued in Beim Bau der
Chinesischen Mauer (p. 59); "Home-Coming," "The
Departure," and "Advocates" in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken
Av, Bv); "The Married Couple" in Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer (pp.
66-73); "Give it Up!" in Beschreibung eines Kampfes (Schocken
Av, Bv); and "On Parables" in Beim Bau der Chinesischen Mauer (pp.
36 f.). English translations appeared in Great Wall of China (Schocken
D1), Penal Colony (Schocken D3), and Description of a Struggle (Schocken
D8).
Diaries, June 21, 1913:
"The tremendous world I have in my head. But how free myself and free it
without being torn to pieces. And a thousand times rather be torn to pieces
than retain it in me or bury it. That, indeed, is why I am here, that is clear
to me." March 26, 1912: "Only not to overestimate what I have
written, for in that way I make what is to be written unattainable."
CHRONOLOGY
1883
Born in Prague, July
3, son of Hermann (1852-1931) and Julie (née Löwy) (1856-1934).
1889-93
Elementary school at
Fleischmarkt.
1889,1890,1892 Birth of sisters Elli, Valli, Ottla.
Two younger brothers died in infancy.
1893-1901 German gymnasium, Prague;
friendship with Oskar Pollak. Family resides in Zeltnergasse.
ca. 1899-1900 Reads Spinoza, Darwin, Nietzsche.
Friendship with Hugo Bergman.
1899-1903 Early writings (destroyed).
1901-6
Study of German
literature, then law at German University, Prague; partly in Munich. Influenced
by Alfred Weber's critical analysis of industrial society.
1902
Vacation in
Schelesen and Triesch, with uncle Dr. Siegfried Löwy (the "country doctor"). Met Max Brod;
friendship with Felix Weltsch and Oskar Baum.
1903
Working on a novel The
Child and the City (lost).
1904-5
"Description of a
Struggle." Reads diaries, memoirs, letters: Byron, Grillparzer, Goethe,
Eckermann.
1905-6
Summers in Zuckmantel.
Love affair with an unnamed woman. Meetings with Oskar Baum, Max Brod, Felix
Weltsch.
1906
Works in the law
office of Richard Löwy,
Prague.
June: Gets
degree of doctor juris at German University, Prague.
From
October: One year's internship in the law courts.
1907-8
"Wedding
Preparations in the Country" (fragments of a novel).
1907
October: Position
with "Assicurazioni General!," Italian insurance company. Family
moves to Niklas-Strasse.
1908
Position at the
semi-governmental Workers' Accident Insurance Institute (until retirement, July
1922). Close friendship with Max Brod.
Writes
"On Mandatory Insurance in the Construction Industry."
1909
Publication of eight
prose pieces in Hyperion.
September: At Riva and Brescia with Max and Otto
Brod. Writes "The Aeroplanes at Brescia."
1910
Member of circle of
intellectuals (Mrs. Berta Fanta).
March:
Publication of five prose pieces in Bohemia.
May: Beginning of the Diaries (quarto
notebooks; last entry, June 12, 1923).
Yiddish theater
company from Eastern Europe performs.
October:
Paris, with Max and Otto Brod.
December:
Berlin.
1911
January-February:
Business trip to Friedland and Reichenberg.
Summer:
Zurich, Lugano, Milan, Paris (with Max Brod). Plans to work with Brod on a
novel, "Richard and Samuel."
Alone in a
sanatorium in Erlenbach near Zurich. Travel diaries.
Writes
"Measures to Prevent Accidents [in Factories and Farms]" and
"Workers' Accident Insurance and Management."
1911-12
Winter: Yiddish theater
company. Friendship with Yiddish actor Isak Löwy; study of Jewish folklore; beginning of a sketch on Löwy.
1911-14
Working on Amerika (main
parts written 1911-12).
1912
First studies of
Judaism (H. Graetz, M. I. Pines).
February:
Gives lecture on the Yiddish language.
July: Weimar
(Goethe's town, with Max Brod), then alone in the Harz Mountains (Sanatorium
Just). Meets Ernst Rowohlt and Kurt Wolff, joint managers of Rowohlt Verlag.
August 13:
Meets Felice Bauer from Berlin, in the house of Max Brod's father in Prague.
August 14:
Manuscript of Meditation sent to the publisher.
September
20: Beginning of correspondence with Felice Bauer.
September
22-23: "The Judgment" written.
September-October:
Writes "The Stoker" (or "The Man Who Disappeared") which
later became first chapter of Amerika.
October 1912
to February 1913: Gap in the diaries.
November:
"The Metamorphosis" written.
1913
January: Publication
of Meditation.
February
1913 to July 1914: Lacuna in productivity.
Easter:
First visit to Felice Bauer in Berlin.
Spring:
Publication of The Judgment.
May:
Publication of "The Stoker."
September:
Journey to Vienna, Venice, Riva. At Riva, friendship with "the Swiss
girl."
November:
Meeting with Crete Bloch, friend of Felice Bauer. Beginning of correspondence
with her. [She becomes mother of his son, who died before reaching the age of
seven, and of whom K. never knew.]
1914
Easter: In Berlin.
April:
Engagement to Felice Bauer in Berlin.
July 12:
Engagement broken.
Summer:
"Memoirs of the Kalda Railroad" written. Hellerau, Lübeck, Marienlyst
on the Baltic (with Ernst Weiss).
October:
"In the Penal Colony" written.
Fall: Begins
writing The Trial.
Winter: "Before the Law" (part of The
Trial) written.
1915
January: Renewed
meeting with Felice Bauer (in Bodenbach).
Continues
working on The Trial.
Receives
Fontane Prize for "The Stoker."
February:
Moves from parents' home into rented rooms: Bilekgasse and Langengasse.
Journey to
Hungary with sister Elli.
November:
Publication of The Metamorphosis.
December
(and January 1916): "The Village Schoolmaster" ["The Giant
Mole"] written.
Meets Georg
Mordecai Langer.
1916
July: Meeting with
Felice Bauer in Marienbad.
August 20:
Draws up a list of reasons for and against marriage.
Stories
written, later collected in A Country Doctor.
Winter:
Bothered by noise, K. moves to remote Alchemists' Lane, Prague.
1917
First half:
"The Hunter Gracchus" written.
Learning
Hebrew.
Spring:
"The Great Wall of China" written.
July: Second
engagement to Felice Bauer.
August:
Begins coughing blood.
September 4:
Diagnosis of tuberculosis. Moves to sister Ottla in Zürau.
September
12: Leave of absence from office.
November 10:
Diary entries break off.
End of
December: Breaking of second engagement
to Felice Bauer.
Fall and
winter: Aphorisms written (octavo notebooks).
1918
January to June:
Zürau. Reading Kierkegaard.
Spring:
Aphorisms continued.
Prague,
Turnau.
November:
Schelesen. Meets Julie Wohryzek, daughter of a synagogue custodian. A project
for "The Society of Poor Workers," an ascetic society.
1919
January 10: Diary
entries are resumed.
Schelesen;
Spring: Again in Prague.
[Spring:
Felice Bauer married.]
Spring:
Engagement to Julie Wohryzek (broken November 1919).
May:
Publication of In the Penal Colony.
Fall:
Publication of A Country Doctor.
November:
"Letter to His Father" written.
Winter:
"He," collection of aphorisms, written. Schelesen, with Max Brod.
1920
January 1920 to
October 15, 1921: Gap in diaries.
Sick leave
from Workers' Accident Insurance Institute. Meran.
End of
March: Meets Gustav Janouch. Meran.
Meets Milena
Jesenská-Pollak, Czech writer (Vienna). Correspondence.
Summer and
fall: Prague. Writing stories.
December:
Tatra Mountains (Matliary). Meets Robert Klopstock.
1921
October 15: Note in diary that K. had given all his
diaries to Milena.
[Kafka's son
by Crete Bloch dies in Munich.]
Until
September: Tatra Mountains sanatorium; then Prague; Milena.
1921-24
Stories written,
collected in A Hunger Artist.
1922
January to
September: The Castle written.
February:
Prague.
Spring:
"A Hunger Artist" written.
May: Last
meeting with Milena.
End of June
to September: In Planá on the
Luschnitz with sister Ottla. Prague.
Summer:
"Investigations of a Dog" written.
1923
Prague.
July: In
Müritz (with sister Elli); in a vacation camp of the Berlin Jewish People's
Home, meets Dora Dymant [Diamant].
Prague,
Schelesen (Ottla).
End of
September: With Dora Dymant in Berlin-Steglitz; later moves, with Dora, to
Grunewaldstrasse.
Attends
lectures at the Berlin Academy (Hochschule) for Jewish Studies.
Winter:
"The Burrow" written.
K. and Dora
move to Berlin-Zehlendorf.
A Hunger
Artist sent to publisher.
1924
Spring:
"Josephine the Singer, or the Mouse Folk" written.
Brought as a
patient from Berlin to Prague.
April 10: To
Wiener Wald Sanatorium, Professor Hajek's clinic in Vienna; then sanatorium in
Kierling, near Vienna (with Dora Dymant and Robert Klopstock).
June 3:
Death in Kierling; burial June 11, in the Jewish cemetery in
Prague-Straschnitz.
Publication
of A Hunger Artist.
1942
Death of K.'s sister
Ottla in Auschwitz. The other two sisters also perished in German concentration
camps.
1944
Death of Crete Bloch
at the hands of a Nazi soldier.
Death of
Milena in a German concentration camp.
1952
August: Death of
Dora Dymant in London.
1960
Death of Felice
Bauer.
SELECTED
WRITINGS ON KAFKA
Adorno, Theodor W.
"Aufzeichnungen zu Kafka," Die Neue Rundschau, LXIV (1953).
Anders, Günther. Kafka -- Pro
und Contra. Die Prozess-Umerlagen. Munich, 1951.
-----. "Reflections on My Book
'Kafka-Pro und Contra,' " Mosaic (Manitoba), III, No. 4 (1970).
Asher, J. A. "Turning Points in
Kafka's Stories," The Modern Language Review, LVII (1962).
Auden, W. H. "K's Quest."
In The Kxfka Problem, ed. A. Flores. New York, 1946.
Bauer, Roger. "Kafka à la lumière
de la religiosité juive," Dieu vivant,
IX (1947).
Baum, Oskar. "Erinnerungen an
Franz Kafka," Literarische Welt, IV (1928).
Beck, Evelyn T. Kafka and the
Yiddish Theater: Its Impact on His Work, Madison, Wisc., 1971.
(Dissertation.)
Benjamin, Walter. "Franz
Kafka: On the Tenth Anniversary of His
Death" and "Some Reflections on Kafka." In Illuminations, ed.
Hannah Arendt, trans. Harry Zohn. New York, 1969.
Bense, Max. Die Theorie Kafkas. Cologne
and Berlin, 1952.
Bergman, S. Hugo. "Franz
Kafka," Orot, VII (1969). In Hebrew.
Binder, Hartmut. Motiv und
Gestaltung bei Franz Kafka. Bonn, 1966.
Bin Gurion, Emanuel. "Al
Kafka," Moznayim, 1943. In Hebrew.
Blanchot, Maurice.
"Kafka." In La Part du feu. Paris, 1949.
-----. "La solitude
essentielle," La Nouvelle Revue Française, I
(1953).
Borges, Jorge Luis. "Kafka and
His Precursors." In Labyrinths. New York, 1964.
Born, Jürgen. "Franz Kafka und
seine Kritiker." In Kafka Symposion. Berlin, 1965.
-----. "Kafka's Parable 'Before
the Law': Reflections Towards a Positive Interpretation," Mosaic (Manitoba),
III, No. 4 (1970).
Braybrooke, Neville. "The
Geography of the Soul: St. Teresa and Kafka," The Dalhousie Review, 1959.
Brod, Max. "Kierkegaard,
Heidegger, Kafka," Prisma, XI (1947).
-----. Franz Kafkas Glauben und
Lehre. Winterthur, 1948.
-----. "Kleist und Kafka,"
Welt und Wert (Munich), February 1949.
-----. Franz Kafka als
wegweisende Gestalt. St. Gallen, 1951.
-----. "Kafka, pro und
contra," Neue Schweizer Rundschau (Zurich), May 1952.
Buber, Martin. "Ein Wort über
Franz Kafka." In Kampf um Israel. Berlin, 1933.
-----. "Kafka and
Judaism." In Kafka: A Collection of Critical Essays, ed. R. Gray.
Englewood Cliffs, N.J., 1962.
Buber-Neumann, Margarethe. Mistress
to Kafka: The Life and Death of Milena. London, 1966.
Camus, Albert. "Hope and
Absurdity." In The Kafka Problem, ed. A. Flores. New York, 1946.
Carrouges, Michel. Kafka versus Kafka, trans, from the
French by Emmet Parker. University, Ala., 1968.
Clive, Geoffrey. "The Breakdown
of Romantic Enlightenment: Kafka and Dehumanization." In The Romantic
Enlightenment: Ambiguity and Paradox in the Western Mind (1750-1920). New
York, 1960.
Cohn, Dorrit. "K. enters The
Castle," Euphorion, LXII (1968).
Demetz, Peter. "Kafka in
England," German Life and Letters, I (1950-51)
-----. "Kafka, Freud, Husserl:
Probleme einer Generation," Zeitschrift für Religions -- und Geistesgeschichte, VII (1955).
Dentan, Michel. Humour et Création Littéraire dans l'Oeuvre de Kafka. Geneva and Paris, 1961.
Dietz, Ludwig. "Drucke Franz
Kafkas bis 1924." In Kafka Symposion. Berlin, 1965.
Dymant, Dora. "Ich habe Franz Kafka
geliebt." Die neue Zeitung, August 18, 1948.
Eisner, Paul. Franz Kafka and
Prague. New York, 1950.
Emrich, Wilhelm. "Die poetische
Wirklichkeitskritik Franz Kafkas," Orbis Literarum, IV (1956).
-----. Franz Kafka. Frankfurt
a. M., 1970.
Even-Arie, Yitzhak. "Kafka
ve-Goethe," Molad, 1949-50. In Hebrew.
Fischel, V. "Or hadash al
Kafka," Molad, 1954. In Hebrew.
Flores, Angel, ed. The Kafka
Problem. New York, 1963.
Fowles, John. "My Recollections
of Kafka," Mosaic (Manitoba), III, No. 4 (1970).
Fraiberg, Selma. "Kafka and the
Dream." In Modern Literary Criticism, ed. Irving Howe. Boston,
1958.
Friedman, Maurice. Problematic
Rebel, rev. ed. Chicago, 1970, passim.
Fromni, Erich. "Kafka's The Trial." In The
Forgotten Language. London and New York, 1952.
Fuchs, Rudolf. "Erinnerungen an
Franz Kafka." Appendix to Max Brod, Franz Kafka -- eine
Biographie. New York, 1946.
Fürst, Norbert. Die offenen
Geheimtüren Franz
Kafkas. Heidelberg, 1956.
Glatzer, Nahum N. "Franz Kafka
and the Tree of Knowledge." In Arguments and Doctrines, ed. A.
Cohen. New York, 1970.
Goodman, Paul. Kafka's Prayer. New
York, 1947.
Gordon, Caroline. "Notes on
Hemingway and Kafka," The Sewmee Review, Spring 1949.
Gray, Ronald. Kafka's Castle. Cambridge,
England, 1956.
-----, ed. 'Kafka: A Collection
of Critical Essays. Englewood Cliffs, N.J., 1962.
Greenberg, Clement. "The
Jewishness of Franz Kafka," Commentary, XIX (1955).
Greenberg, Martin. The Terror of
Art: Kafka and Modern Literature. New York and London, 1968.
Grenzmann, Wilhelm. "Franz
Kafka. Auf der Grenze zwischen Nichtsein und Sein." In Dichtung und
Glaube. Bonn, 1957.
Gruenter, Rainer. "Kafka in der
englischen und amerikanischen Kritik," Das literarische Deutschland, II
(1951).
Gunvaldsen, K. M. "Franz Kafka
and Psychoanalysis," University
of Toronto Quarterly, XXXII (1963).
Gürster, Eugen. "Das Weltbild
Franz Kafkas," Hochland, 1951-52.
Haas, Willy. "Prague in
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Scan Notes, v3.0: Proofed carefully against DT, italics and
special characters intact. The "[# pages missing]" notes in Wedding
Preperations in the Country are actually straight from the book; they are
not notes from the scanner. Also, Kafka has many huge paragraphs throughout the
stories that run on through several people talking -- paragraphs were checked
fairly thoroughly in this proof and exist here as they do in the book.